For Always
by Tracy2
Summary: This is the fifth in the Reagan Yeager series. ***STORY COMPLETE*** Thank you for the reviews, they are all wonderful and make my writing worthwhile.
1. 01 Twelve Months Ago

**For Always**

**By**

**Tracy Wood**

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction, written, and hopefully read, strictly for enjoyment. The main characters of Mark, Steve, Amanda, and Jesse, as well as Alex, Cheryl, CJ, Dion, Captain Newman and Chief Masters are from the series Diagnosis Murder, and as such are the property of CBS/Viacom. All other characters, especially Detective Reagan Yeager, her family, Jo/Texas Walters, Martin Robertson, Officer Campbell and Doctor Wil Collins are mine.

**Part One**

The first part of this story takes place in the present and the past. A lot has happened over the last twelve months, and as day-to-day life continues, the memories return to the surface and are discussed and pondered, before being returned to where they belong.

**_Twelve Months Ago & The Present Day_**

_The Present Day_

Mark stretched in his bed and peered myopically at the clock beside him. "Five past seven, on my day off, and I am gonna be getting up. Still it'll be a good day." Mark got out of bed and wandered across the room. He saw himself in the mirror and stopped. "Well, you said open house, and then worked a late shift so nothing is ready, of course you have to get up at seven." Mark stared at his reflection, and then thinking of Rae with a smile stuck his tongue out. "What are you my conscience now?" He headed towards the shower room, his mind still working. It would be nice to have people around the place again. It had been mighty quiet here since Steve had practically moved into Jo's place. Not that he minded really, a man Steve's age should be making plans for his future. Mark turned the radio on and went to have his shower.

Ten minutes later he emerged, cleaner, brighter, and in definite need of a haircut. He sat on the end of the bed and began to remember the conversation that had given him the idea for the open house in the first place.

He had been sitting in the doctor's lounge at Community General, his first cup of coffee of the day on the table in front of him when Jesse had come in.

"Hey, Mark, how are you today? It's a great day isn't it?"

"Well, you are very chirpy this morning, I guess you got another full night's sleep, huh?"

"Oh yeah!" Jesse grinned. "You know there should be some kind of warning system, which says to you, just before you drop off to sleep, _by the way your baby's gonna sleep all night, so enjoy your rest_, then I would appreciate it much more."

As Mark went to reply the door opened again and Steve and Rae came in. "Well well, and who is this ravishing looking doctor?" Rae saw Jesse begin to smile and so she ignored him completely and moved over towards Mark. "Where have you been hiding all my life?"

"Crushed, I'm crushed." Jesse tried to look upset, but he was enjoying the moment too much for that.

"This is nice, we don't seem to see each other nearly as much as we used to. How's everybody been?" Mark looked around at three of his closest friends, and as he did so he saw Amanda and Alex walking together down the hallway towards them. Alex opened the door and let Amanda through.

"Hi guys, this is nice." Amanda smiled.

"I just said that. Y'know we ought to do this again, but properly."

"How d'you mean, Dad?" Steve drained the drink of water he had got for himself. "Sorry, Rae did you want a drink?"

"No, I'm fine thank you." She smiled at her partner.

"How about if I have an open house at the beach, let me think, when am I off next?" Mark paused for a moment going over his shifts in his mind. "Next Saturday, I will have an open house, next Saturday afternoon, I'll let Cheryl and Martin and a few other people from the hospital know as well, and then you can just come and go as you please, and we can have a barbeque in the evening, what do you think?"

"It sounds great, Dad, and I'm sure that Michael will help you if you like."

"Jesse? Are you working that day?"

"No, not exactly. I'm on a late shift Friday night into Saturday morning. I could go home grab a couple of hours and we could get there about four to five, would that be ok?"

"Well, I think, I'm finishing nights on the Friday, so yeah, count me in." Alex sounded excited already. 

"Dad, I have no idea what we will be doing, but we will get there, right Rae?"

"Oh yeah, no problem. I wouldn't miss it."

"Well, we came to get an autopsy report, Amanda, do you have the details we wanted?" Steve looked across at the medical examiner who had stood up as she heard his words.

"What, it takes two of you to get one autopsy report on a cut and dried suicide? I guess that's where our tax dollars are going." Amanda was grinning as she spoke; the atmosphere was happy and relaxed for a change.

"No, it takes two of us, because one of us had to get breakfast and guess where he chose?" Rae smiled and moved over to her friend. "I haven't seen you in ages, I'll walk down with you and we can chat. Steve I'll meet you in the car." Rae went towards the door then she smiled and came back into the room, moved over towards Jesse and kissed him gently on the lips. Before he could say or do anything she was gone.

Mark laughed to himself; she sure had the ability to wrong foot people. He carried on thinking. The open house had become the favourite topic of conversation, well almost the favourite. Once everybody had realised that on the day of the party it would be exactly a year since Rae and Jesse had been discharged from the hospital, after their encounter with Levington, it seemed that memories had been fighting to get to the surface. Mark knew that both Jesse and Steve had been going over things in their mind, and they had told him that Rae and Jo were the same.

As Mark sat there he began to put his recollections in order in his mind. A lot had changed over the last twelve months, and he guessed that everybody had the same memories but with the emphasis on different parts of the year. He had been lucky; most of his reminiscences were happy ones, but he knew that some of his friends would have a different slant on what had occurred. Mark got up and moved over to his mirror. He had sat there too long, and now his hair was sticking up and he bore more than a passing resemblance to Einstein. He began to pass the comb through his hair trying to get it a little neater, and as he did so he wondered what memories Jesse would choose to highlight the highs and lows of his year.

If Mark thought back to the beginning of this year of change, then it was Jesse who came to mind first. He had been so ill, and everybody had been so worried about him, but he was a strong willed young man, and he had needed to be. Life had dealt him some rough blows around that time.

As Mark was just starting his day Jesse sat quietly in the nursery of his new home, his baby in his arms. He looked down at the little sleeping face before him and smiled a contented smile. Then he stood, slowly, and moved over towards the crib. He gently laid the child down and once the blanket was in position he moved back over and made himself comfortable in the rocker once more.

He liked to spend time here, just sitting and watching. Enjoying the baby smell before it disappeared, taking the precious moments and locking them away in his heart forever. Seven months, he had been a daddy for seven months, and finally life seemed to have quietened down a little. Jesse checked his watch, it was still very early in the morning, he had nowhere to go and nothing to do, well apart from go to bed, but this was way better than that, which given the hectic nature of his life couldn't be bad. He let his mind wander backwards over the last year. So many things had happened, and been turned over and over again that he knew all the conversations, from everybody's point of view, all the discussions, everybody's hopes and fears by heart. But until now he hadn't had a chance to consider them and what they meant for him.

Jesse remembered waking up in the hospital a few days after his operation. That had been the start of things. The beginning of a period of time that had been full of heartache and happiness, as well as some painful and powerful times too.

_Twelve Months Ago_

"Jesse? Honey, can you hear me?" Jesse opened his eyes slowly, and fearfully he turned towards the noise. He could see another bed right up close to his own, and there she was, sitting up in the bed smiling at him.

"Rae… Oh, Rae, you are here, I thought maybe I dreamt it." Jesse fought to keep the tears in, but it was a losing battle.

"Shhh. Don't cry, it's alright. I am here, and this time I'm not going anywhere, not until you can come with me." He had lay there and slowly he began to relax as he felt Rae's hand holding his, a feeling he had though never to experience again.  "Mark will be here soon, so that he can see how you're doing today. Then maybe you can sit in a wheelchair and come with me, on a little visit this afternoon."

"Where, where are you going? You're not going home are you?" Jesse's face showed his panic for a second and then he felt Rae's other hand on top of his own.

"No, remember, I'm not going anywhere until you can come with me." Rae slid out of bed and moved closer to him, then she leant over and kissed him, gently at first, on the lips, but soon she was kissing him with so much need that it scared him.

"Whoah, where did that come from?" Jesse smiled nervously at her. 

"I have no idea, wanna go visit again?"

"Hey, I'm a sick man remember." 

Rae smiled at him and then hearing a knock on the door turned to see Mark standing, smiling in the entrance.

"Well, I see that the both of you are wide awake and perky this morning!" He moved into the room, "Rae, honey, I just need to have Jesse to myself for a little while. Maybe you could go visit with Steve?"

"Sure, Mark, that's no problem." Rae grabbed the robe from the end of her bed and slipped her feet into her slippers, then, blowing a kiss in Jesse's direction she padded across the hallway to see her partner before he was discharged.

_The Present Day_

Jesse smiled as he sat in the rocker. The tests that Mark had carried out that morning had shown that he had been incredibly lucky and that the bullet had done no lasting damage. All he'd had to do was recover from the beating he'd received from Levington and let his wound heal, and physically he had been fine again. A frown passed across his features as he thought about the mental scars and he pushed the thoughts away, the afternoon after Mark had examined him contained one of his favourite memories, he would far rather think about that.

_Twelve Months Ago_

Mark had gradually raised his bed little by little all morning, and by midday he was able to sit up without the room swimming violently round and making him feel as if he was about to revisit his breakfast. Rae and Jesse had eaten their lunch together, they kept looking up at each other, and in the end they had both looked up at the same moment and burst into laughter. 

Rae had refused to tell him where she was going for her visit, but at two sharp Alex and Jo had arrived pushing two wheelchairs. Very gently they had helped him into his chair, and this time the room really did swim. "Oh, man, let me sit down." He had let out a sigh of relief as he had felt the safety of the chair underneath him. "This had better be a good visit, because that was awful."

The three of them had just looked at him and smiled, and Jesse had known that whatever it was it would be worthwhile.

They had held hands all the way down the hallway, and with his knowledge of the hospital he had realised where they were going long before they got there. But he had kept his face as neutral as he could so as not to spoil the surprise for Rae and soon they were in the maternity wing, and she was lying on her back, waiting for the ultrasound scan to begin. 

They had both tightened their grip on each other's hand at the same time as the view came up on the monitor, and then they had seen a tiny little heart beating away, and a backbone curling round just as it should. Although they had both been so scared, once the picture was up on the screen neither of them had wanted to leave. But, with a set of photos of the scan in their possession, Alex and Jo had finally persuaded them to return to their room.

_The Present Day_

The frown returned to Jesse's face as he remembered what had happened next. They had spent a quiet evening almost alone, with just the hospital staff checking on their progress at regular intervals. Steve had been released back into Jo's tender care, and so they had sat, their beds next to each other, their hands just touching, not needing anybody, or anything, else.  Jesse had fallen asleep quickly and easily, but it hadn't been so for Rae. He remembered it as if it was yesterday, mainly because it had made him realise just how traumatised she really was. After she had finally woken up Rae had told him what the dream had consisted of, and now he was able to see both the mental and physical aspects of the nightmare in his mind.

_Twelve Months Ago_

Jesse had been woken by the sound of someone struggling for breath, and it had taken him a moment not only to realise where he was, but also that it was Rae who was in trouble. He had pressed the buzzer and then pulled on the light to see that she was in the throes of a nightmare that had her deep in its clutches.

"No, don't touch me, please, don't touch me!" Rae could see a figure coming towards her, a scarf in its hands. As she moved back she felt herself begin to fall, putting her arms out to save herself.

The voice that came out of the shadows was deep and dark and chilled her to the bone. "You are mine, do you think anybody else will want you now? Look at you, your doctor friend won't be so loving when he knows what you have been doing here in this house."

Rae had tried to fight back. She was no longer falling; she was standing in her own apartment, her long hair tumbling over her shoulders as she stood, naked and cold before him. "He'll love me again and take me back, he will."

Jesse had heard her call out again, but the words had made no sense to him. "Love me, take me." Then once again the choking had begun.

Suddenly the hair that had only fallen to her shoulders began to move and grow and Rae had felt it around her neck, getting tighter and tighter, "No, Jesse, I'm so…" She felt herself falling once again, and pulling at the hair around her throat she knew she couldn't fight any more.

The alarms on the monitor next to Rae's bed had begun to scream out. It was the second night running that the dream had taken such a hold of her that in her terror her heart had begun beating wildly and the fear had gripped her so tightly that he was unable to get her free. 

Alex had come rushing into the room; he had been in the sleep room, not daring to leave her completely after she had been so panic stricken the night before. It had been Alex who had suggested having Rae wired up at night, so that they could see the effects her nightmares were having on her. They were so deep and so traumatic for her that it had worried both Jesse and him that they had been unable to wake her the night before. It had taken him a long time to get her back to them again this time and both Alex and Jesse felt that they had aged another ten years during the process.

Rae had been too frightened to go back to sleep, and she refused to let Alex sedate her, so Jesse had left the light on and suggested that he move over into her bed so that they could lie together. With a little assistance that was what they had done and this time when Rae had dropped back to sleep nothing had happened, but he had spent the rest of the night watching her chest as it rose and fell, and the blips as they moved across the screen, never daring to shut his eyes himself, terrified that if he did the machine would scream again and he would find himself in his waking nightmare once more.

They had spent the next seven nights that way, and Jesse knew that he must have had some sleep or he would have been completely nuts by the time that Mark and Alex had decided that they could both leave. Rae had been visited by her demons, but never in such a terrifying way when he had been with her, and she had made an appointment to visit with Brian before she was discharged.

He had wanted to go with her to see Doctor Dobson, so Rae had pushed him down in his chair so that he could wait with Helen while she was inside.

The bell had pinged as the elevator stopped on the fifth floor and Rae had slowly pushed Jesse out into an area of the hospital that they both knew very well.

"Good morning Detective Yeager, Doctor Travis, how are you both feeling today?" Helen smiled at them and held her hand out towards Rae.

"Please, call us Rae and Jesse, after all, we're becoming more and more regular visitors by the day." Jesse had smiled as he spoke and Helen had nodded.

"Ok, if that's all right by you, I'll be pleased to do so. Rae, Doctor Dobson is waiting for you, you can go straight in." Helen had opened the door for her as she spoke.

He had felt Rae take a deep breath before she replied. "Thank you, Helen. Honey, I have no idea how long I'll be, but if you get fed up and want to go visit with Mark or Amanda I'll find you, ok?"

"I'll leave a note if I do, but I don't plan on being anywhere but here when you come out."

Then he and Helen had watched as Rae had walked painfully over, knocked on the door and entered the room.

The Present Day 

Jesse looked up with a smile as he heard a sound and saw Rae standing in the doorway of the nursery. "Hey, are you coming back to bed? It's getting cold in there." Rae had worked all night, only getting in just over an hour ago.

"Well, you could always put the wall heater on, but yeah, I'll come back. I'm going over memories and I could do with the company."

They walked back into their own room and snuggled down together. "What were you thinking about?"

"When we were both in the hospital, I was just remembering when you went to see Brian, and I waited outside for you. You told me some of what happened, do you remember when I mean?"

Rae nodded. The memories no longer scared her, and she could let them loose safe in the knowledge that she would be able to send them back to where they should be any time.

Twelve Months Ago 

"Rae, come right in and sit down." Brian had stood up as she entered and moved over towards her.

"Thank you, and thank you for seeing me before I go home. I know that you came up and saw me every day, and I'm so sorry that I didn't respond to you, but I just couldn't."

Brian had smiled then. "I know. You had to speak to the Lieutenant before you could speak to anyone else. Do you know why that is always the case?"

Rae had nodded. She'd thought long and hard about it and she knew now that she had it worked out.

"Can you tell me?"

"Yes, I think so, but if it makes no sense you will have to let me know and I will try to explain it again." Rae ran her fingers through her hair, and for an instant her dream came up in front of her eyes, and she gasped.

"Rae, are you all right?" Brian was at once concerned and it showed in his face.

"Yeah, sorry." Rae knew that she would have to get rid of the hair; she couldn't cope with it any longer. "I think that the reason I have to speak to Steve before anyone else is because I know that he loves me, it is unconditional, I know that he will always be there for me, but not in the same way as Jesse. I can hurt Jesse, with what I say or what I do, but Steve, it's not the same with him. Does that make sense?"

"Maybe. Do you tell Steve things that you don't feel able to tell Jesse? Or do you tell Jesse that you have told private and personal things to Steve? I was under the impression that they were best friends, as well as business partners."

"They are, and yes, Jesse knows everything that I have told Steve, but maybe not all the details." 

"I know about when you had to tell him about your throat, the first time that Phillip Levington tried to take you. Did you tell Jesse what happened that day? He was still in the ICU then wasn't he?"

Rae thought for a moment. She realised that she hadn't told Jesse what had happened. Neither had she told him about how she had been unable this time to talk to anyone until she had spoken to Steve first. "No, I didn't tell him. I didn't tell him at all."

"So what you said is untrue. You don't tell Jesse everything that you tell Steve. Why is that do you think?"

Rae could feel hot tears spring to her eyes, and she rubbed at them. She didn't know why they were there, unless they belonged to the feeling of guilt that was swamping her. "I don't know."

"Have you told Jesse anything that happened this time with Phillip Levington?"

"No! No, I haven't, not yet. He was so ill, and I wouldn't have been able to, not until…" She stopped talking as she realised what she had been about to say.

"Rae, who is your best friend?" Rae had been surprised at his question, and she could tell Brian realised that.

"Texas is, why?" She saw a look of confusion on his face. "Sorry, Jo, Steve's girlfriend. I call her Texas. When, when I came round after Donovan did, well you know what he did, I couldn't remember her, and she described herself to me, as Steve's girlfriend from Texas, only I forgot the from, and I thought that was her name. I have called her that ever since."

"But you don't tell her these things?"

Rae shook her head. "No. I tell Steve, because I know he won't judge me, he'll listen, and help and then he'll put the knowledge away and unless I mention it I know it's safe and sound with him. I trust him."

"Do you trust Jesse?"

"Yes, of course I do. I love him."

"I know you do, but I didn't ask you that. Do you trust him?"

"Yes, yes I do. But I don't want to hurt him. Steve doesn't love me in the same way that Jesse does, and I know that if I tell him some of the things that have happened to me, it could destroy him." Rae had run her fingers through her hair again. But Brian had noticed that she pulled her fingers out before they touched the long false tresses that fell down her back.

"How can I tell him that I was tied to a bed and raped? What do you think that will do to him?" The tears in her eyes escaped this time and slowly ran down her face. She took a deep breath and dared any more to follow the four that had already finished their journey.

"And if you don't tell him, and he finds out from someone else, what do you think that will do to him? If it had been you left in the apartment, and Jesse taken, wouldn't you want to know what had happened, so that you could help him heal? Don't you want to know why he tried to kill himself? So that you can help him get over it?"

Rae mutely shook her head. Then she began to speak. "Yes, I do want to know what happened, in his words, in fact it is more than that, I need to know. I can't be myself with him until I do."

"And can you relate that to how you think he will be feeling right now. And I do mean right now, as he is sitting out there, wondering what you are telling me in here. Will you share this with him when you get home? Or will you keep it in until you get a chance to speak to Steve? And then will it be stored away, never to be mentioned again? That isn't healthy, Detective, and I think you know that."

Rae had turned away from his accusing eyes. "And if I tell him and he walks away from me, then what do I do?"

"Well, you will still have the Lieutenant, won't you?" Rae had flinched at his words. "But do you really think he will walk away? He thought you were dead, and so he tried to kill himself. That is not the action of someone who is going to up and leave the one person whose life he values more than his own. I think you are doing him a great injustice, but I also think that you are doing yourself a disservice. He can help you, just as much, if not more than either myself or Steve Sloan, if you will let him."

"But that… that bastard raped me, I am carrying Jesse's baby and he raped me! How will he ever be able to touch me again, be able to make love to me again? How will I ever be able to let him if I know that he knows everything?"

"I don't know, not yet. This is our first proper session on this. I need to know that you have a strong back up network to help you deal with the fallout from these sessions, because there will be fallout. But Jesse is the main person in your life. If you can't share this with him, then it will take a lot longer for you to begin to accept and hopefully recover from what happened to you. You need to talk to him."

Rae's voice had come out as a whisper. "Yes, I know I do. And I will. We are going to stay at Texas's house until we are confident enough to be by ourselves. There are enough rooms there for the whole of LA to talk privately, I promise I will talk to him either tonight or tomorrow, depending on how tired he is."

"And when you have done so, I want you to call me. Day or night, you have all my numbers. Or if you think you can wait until our next session then do so." Brian was looking at his diary as he spoke.  "I think we need to meet every other day to start with. It will be traumatic and you will need time to get over what happens here, but not too long or things will begin to fester away inside of you." Brian had paused then. "Now, I think you had better get ready to face the outside world. Do you think you can do that?"

Rae had felt a wave of panic and fear pass through her as Brian spoke those words. "I don't know, but I do know that I want to get away from here. Once I get to Texas's place, I will be ok. Steve will be there, and Michael. We will be safe there." Rae hadn't realised that she had her hands over her stomach as she spoke, but Brian could see that she was protecting her child from harm.

"Rae, Steve may be there, but so will Jesse. He is the one you need to talk to, for both your sakes, remember that. Ok, tomorrow you rest, and then I will see you the day after that. I have cleared ten until twelve every other day for you. If we don't use all the time that is fine, if we go over a little bit then I will have a short lunch. We will go with the flow, and, Rae…"

"Yes, Sir?"

"We will get there, if you know where you want to go, we will get there."

"I just want to be a good mom to my baby, be able to care for it when it's born, and to spend the rest of my life with Jesse.  That's all."

"Then that's what we will be aiming for." Brian held his hand out and Rae came and shook it. She had wanted him to reassure her some more, but knew that he couldn't. The reassurance she needed would come from within herself, and from within Jesse. She needed to know that he would still love her, despite what had happened to her, and if that didn't come about then she had a feeling that he would never be able to do as he had said.

The Present Day 

Rae shuddered, and felt Jesse's hand on her arm. "Rae, honey are you ok?"

"Yeah, sorry, there were some rough sessions there, I don't think I want to dwell on them, do you?"

Jesse leant over and picked up the glass of water that was on the nightstand. There had been some long hard sessions with Brian Dobson, not just for Rae, but for himself too. He had been for his first visit three days after Rae and it had been a very difficult hour.

_Twelve Months Ago_

Jesse sat where he knew Rae had just the day before and looked at the man across the desk. They had shaken hands when he entered, and now he sat there not knowing what to say to get his meeting started, so he looked at his hands and waited, hoping that Brian would say something to help him along.

"What are you feeling right at this moment, Jesse?"

He had smiled. "A little awkward. I don't really know what to say, what you expect me to say. I'm not used to feeling like that."

"Why do you think I expect you to say anything?"

"Well… because that is why I am here, isn't it? To talk over my problems, and to try to see things in such a way that I can carry on with my life. Get my career back on track, be a good dad and partner. Get the demon off my back."

"Do you have demons on your back?"

"No, not demons, just one demon. The face I see when I shut my eyes or when I catch Rae in an unguarded moment and see her terror. It's stopping me going back to my apartment building to pick up my clothes, or any of the things in Rae's place, it's taking over my life, and I want it to go away."

"But surely you have a good reason to feel that way about this particular demon. He did terrible things to you and to Rae. He made you do a terrible thing to yourself. He almost destroyed everything that you hold dear."

"Yes, I know that, and I know that he is gone, behind bars and that he can't hurt us any more, but it doesn't help. And when I think of what he did to Rae I just want to kill him… and that frightens me even more."

"What did he do to Rae that makes you feel that way?" Jesse could tell that Brian was interested to hear what Rae had told him. He had talked with Rae the day before and knew that they had spoken together about it, Jesse knew that Brian had heard her version of events in their meeting the day before, but she had been the victim, and sometimes it was worse for the person who had been unable to do anything to stop it from happening.

"You know what he did." 

"Yes I do, but I want to hear you tell me what he did. I want you to let me know how you feel about it."

Jesse could feel his rage building, and he knew that he was going to have to let it out or it would ultimately destroy him. "He took her… he took her from me… from right under my nose and there was nothing I could do to stop him. At the time I wasn't able to do anything, he, he neutralised me I guess. But then I would come round, just for a while and I would realise that I had failed her, that he had just come and claimed her and I had let her down."

He stopped talking as his grief welled up inside him and then after a moment or two began again. "I knew what he would do to her… I'm no fool and I have treated women who have been the victims of sex offenders… and I was scared for her. She is carrying our child, and I just knew that if he found out… he would kill her. But until last night I didn't know how bad it had really been for her."

"In what way? You said that you knew what he would do, how do you mean?"

"I knew he would… he would…" he took a deep breath. "I knew he would rape her, and probably beat her, but he married her, he drugged her and he tied her up before he… he took her, or hurt her. How could anyone do that? She said that he would hit her and hit her until she couldn't stand and then tell her that he loved her… Oh God, Rae… I am so sorry, I'm so sorry that I was so weak that I couldn't save you." Jesse couldn't speak any more and he knew that there had been a possibility he wouldn't be able to say anything more this session. His shoulders were heaving violently and great sobs were escaping from him as he let some of his despair and feelings of helplessness out, but he desperately wanted to carry on, he needed to talk this through now.  Brian must have moved round the desk so that he was closer to him, but he had been completely unaware of him. 

The Present Day 

Jesse felt tears pricking at his eyes as he remembered that awful session. He felt Rae's arm go around his shoulders, but she said nothing.  He had cried that day for what had seemed like forever, but was probably about ten minutes at the most, before he had even felt remotely like getting any control over himself again. He had thought that the session would end then, but as he sat there, trying to regain some of his composure Brian had looked at him and smiled. Then he had sat on the edge of the desk and asked him just one more question. He could still remember it, and the way he had made him feel. Brian had said 'Why do you think you were weak?' It had opened a floodgate of a different kind.

_Twelve Months Ago_

"Why? Because I let that creep take Rae away from me, and I did nothing about it, I should have been able to protect her and I didn't."

"I see. And you knew, of course, that Levington was free, and so you had taken all sorts of precautions to protect yourselves. Or had you just decided that he wouldn't be coming back and were just getting on with your lives without any worries about what he might do to you?"

"No, no, it wasn't like that. We didn't know he was free."

"Mmm. And he had you handcuffed, gagged and blindfolded, but you should still have been able to save her shouldn't you."

"I shouldn't have let him do that to me."

"What would have happened if you had fought back?" Brian hadn't moved an inch since he had asked the first question.

"He would have shot her."

"I beg your pardon?" Now Brian did move, he leant forward. "I didn't catch that, could you repeat it."

"He would have shot her."

"Again. Louder."

"He Would Have Shot Her."

"Not loud enough. What would he have done?"

"HE WOULD HAVE SHOT HER."

"He would have shot her. But he didn't. Because you acquiesced and she was taken. If you had fought back she would have been lost, forever, for nothing. And we would be sat here now, and I would be trying to make your life worth living without her, or would I? What happened when you thought she was gone, that she had been found dead already."

Jesse looked down; suddenly his feet seemed very interesting. "I took an overdose."

"Look at me, Doctor. Your actions saved her life. She went through hell because she was still alive, and we have to get over that for both of you, but she is alive to deal with it. You both have a baby on the way, a chance to be the family you planned to be. If you had gone all gung ho on Levington, Rae would be dead, and most likely so would you, and, of course, your child. But you didn't, and the three of you are still here, still fighting, still waking up each morning to get a little better, to get a little stronger. Think about it Jesse, think about it until our next session, and then tell me how you feel."

Jesse hadn't said anything; he had no words to use. He had just got silently to his feet, shaken Brian's hand and left the room. He had walked down to the lobby, out into the parking lot, into the cab that had been waiting there for him and gone home to Rae. He hadn't said a word all the way to Texas's house, and had paid the fare in silence. When Michael had opened the door to him the manservant had looked at him, and without batting an eye had said, "Miss Reagan is in the bedroom, Sir."

Jesse had opened the door and just stood there. Rae had been lying on the bed, her 'hot dog' on her lap staring out into nowhere. She had been to the hairdressers with Jo and her hair was back to being short and brown.  He had looked at her for about thirty seconds before she had realised that he was there swung her legs off the bed and stood to greet him. He had rushed over to her and the tears had begun again. Gently he had felt her sit him on the bed and let him cry. When he had let all his feelings out and had started to gather himself together yet again he had lifted his face to hers and had watched as her hand moved towards his face and felt her gently wipe away his tears.

"So, my darling, can you see it yet? Can you see that you have nothing to blame yourself for? Neither of us does." Rae had smiled at him and he had nodded, just a small nod, but it had been the beginning of bigger things. The heavy load of guilt that he had been carrying had been left behind on the fifth floor of Community General and he had no intention of ever picking it up again.

"Rae, I am so sorry…" He placed a finger over her lips as she started to talk. "I am so sorry that he did what he did to you, and I will be here, for always, to help you recover from it, to move away from it and to be yourself again. I love you, Rae."

_The Present Day_

Jesse smiled now as he remembered what had happened. Rae had leant over, kissed him on the lips and he had felt her fingers as they ran through his hair. They had fallen back onto the bed together, and had kissed and cuddled there together for a long while before, unbeknownst to either of them, sleep had claimed them, and Michael had found them locked together two hours later when he had come up to remind them that luncheon was served.

As he sat there, he felt a small chuckle escape him. "Do you remember when Michael had found us fast asleep together on the bed?"

"Oh, don't. I was just so embarrassed, fancy falling asleep on the bed like that."

"Yeah, fancy, what a thing to do on a bed!" Rae stuck her tongue out at him, and he had to admit he had been a little embarrassed himself, but as he had known would happen it was never mentioned, and once Michael had made his announcement he had disappeared back down to the kitchen without another word.

The peace and quiet of the house was shattered then, as a wail arose from the crib. Jesse checked his watch. They had been lying there, letting their thoughts roam for over two and a half hours. He sighed, kissed Rae on the cheek and then left the room. He entered the nursery, placed the pacifier into the little screaming mouth of his child, then he went over to the refrigerator in the corner of the room and took out a bottle of formula and placed it in the microwave. It never ceased to give him pleasure that he was able to be with his child, to look around at all the wonderful things they had been able to buy and provide, and to just enjoy being a daddy. The timer pinged and Jesse took the bottle out checked the temperature and put the top on it. He got himself and his baby settled in the rocker again and this time as he sat there all his thoughts were of the moment.


	2. 02 Ten Months Ago

Some of my headings are coming out in italics, some aren't. Sorry about this. On my copy all of them are in italics. **Ten Months Ago & The Present Day** The Present Day 

It was just after ten in morning when Jo walked over towards the sunshade on the patio by her pool. She was in no hurry to do anything very much except sit in the sun, and maybe, if she had remembered to bring some with her, drink ice-cold lemonade. She knew that Steve wouldn't join her for a while, he had been to the gym first thing that morning, having come in from a night shift and was probably fast asleep on the bed by now.  Jo turned her head as she heard a noise and smiled as she saw Michael coming up towards her with a pitcher of lemonade, complete with ice and a tall glass.

"Michael, thank you. You are a mind reader." Jo didn't get up to help him because she knew it would only result in a reprimand.

"Madam, it is a very hot day, so a cold drink is a natural assumption."  Her manservant smiled as he placed the tray on the table.

"Will you come an' sit with me for a while. I am feelin' a little nostalgic, an' I could do with some company as I sift through the memories."

"Well, I do have a little time before I have to be leaving to assist the good doctor. Thank you, Madam."

"But I insist that you go an' get yourself a glass first. Unless of course, you would like me to get it for you." Jo smiled. She knew that there was no way he would let her go, but this way he would have to get the glass for himself.

"Very good, Madam." Michael smiled. He knew when he was beaten. Madam seemed to delight in getting him to join in the family activities these days. He was flattered, but sometimes he had to remind himself to draw back.  He was very quickly back with his employer and, sitting in the chair opposite her, he looked over at her. "Where are your memories taking you, Madam, if you don't mind me asking." 

"No, I don't mind you askin' how am I supposed to share them if you don't ask?" Jo smiled. "I was just thinkin' how much our lives have changed in the past year. You know it is twelve months since Rae an' Jesse were discharged from the hospital, an' guess what? Nobody has been rushed in there since. I know that Mark, Alex an' Amanda work there an' that Jesse is back there too now. But apart from when Steve had his pins out we have just lived like everybody else, an' it's been good."

"Well, Miss Reagan did have her baby in there, but the main changes were here, I suppose. Miss Reagan and Doctor Travis were living here, and, of course, the Lieutenant, but things got a little easier once the casts were removed didn't they?" Michael stopped talking, hoping that he hadn't overstretched the invitation to join in. He had been delighted to work in a full household for the time everybody had been together.

"They sure did. No more Mr. Grouchy Gloves. Although it wasn't all plain sailin' was it?"

Ten Months Ago 

Jo had sat on the bottom stair and checked her watch once again. "Steve, Honey, if you don't hurry up, Jesse will have gone home to Rae an' you will have to wait until next week to have your casts and pins removed."

"Ok, I'm coming." Steve appeared at the top of the stairs and looked down at her. He had told her later that she looked like a child waiting for Santa as she sat there, her hair hanging down in soft curls. He carefully came down to join her but sat behind her and placed his arms around her, before kissing her gently on the head.

"Are you nervous?" Jo looked up at him. "What if Jesse changes his mind an' says that you have to wait another week?" It had already happened to them once, and she wasn't relishing the prospect of another seven days of the black mood that had been enveloping the house ever since.

"He won't." It wasn't a statement just made with confidence but with the absolute certainty of someone who would make sure that he got his own way.

Jo had raised her eyes to the heavens, out of Steve's view, picked up his overnight bag and headed for the front door.

The Present Day 

Jo took a sip from her homemade lemonade and smiled over at her butler and friend. He had helped keep her sane while Steve had been in plaster, and had probably also kept the relationship together. Steve had stayed in the hospital for three days, he'd had the pins removed and she had visited with him as he started his physiotherapy. Both of them had been delighted to see that even though it was a strange and painful process at first, that as he was getting ready to go back home things were already getting easier. But by the time the three days were over, and they were waiting to see Jesse to be finally discharged Steve was desperate to leave.

Ten Months Ago 

"Steve, will you sit down. You are makin' me giddy. For goodness sake, you know Jesse will be here real soon."

"But he should be here now, my appointment time was fifteen minutes ago, and we are still sitting here. Maybe I should get Alex to do this for me. I have been here for three days, and I want to go home."

"You know that Jesse is only workin' two days a week right now, an' you also know that he has arranged to come in today instead of yesterday so that he can see you. So stop bein' such a …"

"Mr. Grouchy Gloves?" Steve looked over at her. "Oh, I heard what you called me, and how Dad thought it was just **so** funny. It was a good thing I had just been shot, or…"

"Or what?" Jo had rounded on him, her temper rising to meet his just as they heard an untuneful whistle and then saw the smiling but tired face of Jesse come round the corner.

"Well, it's about time." Steve moved over towards the door of the x-ray room and out of habit waited for someone to open it for him.

"And a good morning to you too." Jesse moved over towards Jo and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Hi, Sweetie, I'm sorry that I'm late but Rae had an appointment with Alex this morning and I waited with her, she's gone in now so here I am."

"Did you want to go an' be with her while she has her meetin'? We can wait." Jo had looked at Steve, and her eyes had dared him to contradict her. She knew that Jesse had seen the conflict as Steve struggled with his need to get home against Rae's need for Jesse to be with her, and she had been delighted when he chose the latter.

"Yeah, go on, Jesse, I have waited this long for you, another half hour won't make much difference."

Jo let out a disappointed sigh. It had been a start she guessed, but the good grace was still missing.

"No, it's, ok. It's just a routine check up. Nothing out of the ordinary. They know where I am if they need me." Jesse had smiled over at his friend and Jo had been amused to see how relieved Steve had been that he hadn't decided to return to Rae. Then he had opened the door and they had all entered the x-ray room.

Half an hour later Steve was the proud owner of not only two new ornaments and a pair of still, after three days, very white and strangely pappy looking hands, but also the evidence that the bones had healed. He sat in the same chair as normal looking at the films of his hands and listening to his friend.

"Ok, physio will start regularly next Monday, but I want you to follow the exercises on this chart until then. Jo can help you with them, and I would suggest that she comes back with you next week. These are just basic limbering up exercises just like you have been doing since the pins came out, to start to get you used to having fingers again." Jesse had been delighted to see that there didn't appear to be too much pain when Steve had moved his fingers and thumbs for him. He hadn't looked at his hands as he had made him go through the exercises for him but at his face.

"And work, Jess. When can I go back to work?"

"Hey, one step at a time. I would guess another two months. If you were a clerk in a 7-Eleven store, or maybe an actor or something like that it would be quicker, but you put your life on the line everyday, you need to know that your hands are gonna do what you want them to do. Ok?"

"Ok. Jesse." Jo knew that Steve was so relieved to have his hands back that he wasn't going to argue. He stood up and moved over towards the door. He flexed the fingers of his left hand very gingerly and then with a nervous smile he reached out and turned the handle.

The Present Day 

"He changed almost immediately didn't he, once the casts an' the pins had gone." Jo had smiled as she remembered. 

"Yes, he did, Madam." Michael agreed with her. He had been extremely relieved to have the pleasant and friendly Lieutenant back with them again.

Ten Months Ago 

The journey home had been made almost in silence, and by the time she had drawn up and waited for the garage door to open so that she could park the station wagon she had bought the week before, Jo was as nervous as a kitten. 

Steve picked up the box from the back seat that had the two casts in. They hadn't seen much of them the past few weeks because he had preferred to keep the white covers on. He hadn't wanted to damage the pictures in any way, and he'd had to admit he had gotten some pretty funny looks when he had been the artists display model. 

They had made their way into the house through the laundry room, Steve had headed straight for the stairs, and Jo had known that he was going to put his casts in their room. Jesse had suggested getting some plaster of Paris from a hobby store and just filling them up with it. Jo had to admit the insides were pretty gross, and she didn't think she would have given them houseroom if CJ and Dion hadn't done the decoration.  She moved into the lounge and curled up on the sofa. She had been reading a gardening magazine the day before, and suddenly all she wanted to do was carry on with it. Jo guessed that she had been as worried about the casts as Steve, but not obviously in the same way. As she picked up the magazine a small box fell to the floor. She leant over picked it up and opened it, as she did so she gasped.

Inside was a delicately ornate heart shaped pendant of gold on a long and beautifully crafted chain, she gently opened it with one nail and smiled. The centre of the locket had a clear protective layer over it, and underneath there was a white plaster heart and curled around it in a slightly larger heart shape was a piece of her hair that she had sent to Steve over a year ago, intertwined with a lock of his. On the other side were two words. _Thank you._

As Jo looked at it, two hands came around from behind her and took the chain out of her hands, and gently and very slowly, she felt it being lowered over her head, and then she shivered as finally, after what seemed like eternity, she felt his fingers move through her hair as he lifted it up and out of the way. Then she looked down and saw the locket fall into place and Jo had turned her face up to kiss the lips of the man she loved.

The Present Day 

Jo's hand moved up to her neck and she felt the delicate chain around her throat. She hadn't removed it since the day it had been given to her, apart from when she went swimming or washed. Suddenly Michael's voice broke her trance.

"If Madam, will excuse me, I need to go and sort out some utensils for this evening. Would you like me to come and remind you of the time in about an hour or so?"

"I'll be fine, thank you, Michael." Jo watched as he walked back toward the house and then she smiled. She was kind of glad that he had chosen now to leave her alone. The memories were crowding her brain, and she knew that she could pick whatever one she wanted now that she was left to her solitude once again.

Ten Months Ago 

"Mmm, Steve, Honey, are you ok with this?" Jo was concerned as she felt his fingers twist into her hair, she had waited so long for him to be able to do this to her, but she didn't want him to hurt himself, and she found that she couldn't relax and just enjoy it as she should.

"Oh, God, Jo, do you know how long I have waited to feel your hair on my hands?" Steve ran his fingers once again through her long curls and she could tell that just the sensation of the softness was making him aroused.  They were in the bedroom, where they had moved after Steve had seen her find the gift he had asked Michael to leave out for her while he was in the hospital, and he gently moved her over towards the bed and then began, slowly and a little awkwardly at first, to undo the buttons on the shirt she was wearing. 

Jo shivered again as she felt his touch, and then she moved her own hands and undid the buttons on her jeans and let them fall to the floor. As the shirt joined them she moved her hands behind her back and undid the clasp on her bra. Suddenly all the arguing, the moods and the difficult times were forgotten, she felt his fingers run over her breasts and begin to play with her nipples. She collapsed backwards onto the mattress and watched as he positioned himself over her and began to kiss her with a passion that had been missing for so long.

After a few moments Jo had placed her hands on his shoulders and moved him off and onto the mattress himself. Then she had, without a word, stripped him of all his clothes and placed little kisses all over his body until he was moaning and unable to keep still. The entire time she had been kissing him she had kept his hands trapped beneath her own. As she had moved down towards his throbbing manhood she had thought that he was going to force his hands up but he had managed to restrain himself for just a little longer. She had run her tongue over the tip of him and then she had lifted one hand and traced one of her long nails gently up from the base to the top. That had been it, Steve had been unable to contain himself any longer, and had in one quick movement changed places with her and she found herself lying looking up at him.

There had been no words spoken since she had checked that he was fine with this, and still nothing was said. First of all Steve had kissed her on the lips, but he wouldn't let her explore with her tongue, keeping his teeth firmly together. Then he had moved down and she had expected him to begin to kiss her as she had done him, but he hadn't. In fact what he had done had surprised her even more. He had gently rolled her over, so that she was lying on her front, and then his long fingers had begun to lightly trace a pattern on her back. She imagined that it was less painful for him to keep his fingers straight, and so she decided to just let him do what suited him best, but after a moment or two she began to realise that he had planned this.

Slowly he moved his fingers across her back, getting further and further down her body until he was gently running one finger each side just above the level of the bed and she was desperate for him to turn her back over and carry on with his gentle movements on her front.

_The Present Day_

Jo sighed and found that her hands were running through her hair and she raised herself and moved back into the house. Slowly she walked up the stairs and into the master bedroom. As she had thought Steve was lying on the bed, his shirt and pants thrown over the chaise longue in between the two floor to ceiling windows. Slowly Jo slipped out of her shorts and the vest top she was wearing and laid on the bed next to him. Even thinking about what he had done to her that afternoon after he had been passed fit by Jesse made her get excited. She ran her own hands down her body and shut her eyes as she remembered the feelings as he had finally let her roll back over. Then her eyes opened as she realised that the fingers on her body weren't hers, and she smiled up at him as he leant over her.

"And what are you doing?"

"Oh, just thinkin' about when you no longer had your casts on." She had a wicked smile on her face now, as she brought a hand up and behind his head and pulled his face down towards hers. As he began to kiss her she let the memories go and enjoyed the present. The past had gone, she had her Steve back, now maybe a little bit more mellow, and understanding of other's faults than he had been, he was the man for her and he was back with her, for good.

**Nine Months Ago & The Present Day** The Present Day 

Martin finally signed his name to the end of the report he had been writing, he sighed and then let his chair rest back against the wall. For some reason the world was being kind to him this morning and he had been able to clear his desk and get his thoughts into some kind of order. He looked over and saw that Cheryl's desk was empty. He guessed that she was getting ready to finish for the day. They both had places to go, the same place in fact, and he knew that he would see her later.

Slowly he let his mind slide back to the day that kept forcing its attention on him. He wondered whether, finally, today he would be able to lay it to rest. It hadn't all happened in the station, but as was the case with most things these days he had discussed it back and forth with Steve and Rae as well as Cheryl and he was pretty clear on what had happened. As he pondered this, the pictures came up before him again, and he felt himself moving back nine months to a day that had been a beginning as well as an end.

Nine Months Ago 

"The man defies belief. How can he possibly think anybody is gonna believe this, this crap." Cheryl had walked over to her desk and slammed a folder down.

Steve had looked up from his desk. He had been coming in for a few hours every day to catch up on paperwork, and to re-acclimatise himself to being a working cop again. He was desk bound for the foreseeable future, but Martin knew he didn't mind. Just sitting in the squad room again made him feel valued. "So, is that it? We get three guesses each, or are you gonna let us in on your little secret?"

"Our favourite stalker. He says, he says that he is still married to, and I quote, 'his Rae, and will reclaim her. '"

"Ok, well, at least she won't need to hear that. She knows she's no longer married to him, and I have to tell you, I saw her yesterday, and it has re-vitalised her. She looked just like her old self. Well, her old self with a bump." Martin didn't know why, but he blushed a little as he realised that nobody had known that he had been over to see her the day before.

"So why is Levington back here anyway? I thought that it was all finished, he has been arraigned and charged and the trial is set for two weeks from now." Steve looked a little confused.

"We had a complaint from a nurse at Community General who is in trouble with her superiors, and she says that he assaulted and raped her. So I have to interview him again and try to find out whether he did actually do what she said, or whether they are unfounded allegations…" Cheryl had put her hands up in mock surrender. "I know, I know, the guy's a sleaze, but innocent until proven guilty remember. He's not even here about Rae, but he still managed to get her name into the conversation. Martin you're with me."

The Present Day 

Martin had followed Cheryl, but he knew exactly what had happened in the squad room after he left. The whole day had been gone over again and again with the team from IA, they all knew everything that everybody else had said, thought and not thought.

Nine Months Ago 

Steve watched as the two detectives went out into the hallway, and then he returned to his work. He had been writing and reading case notes for it seemed like hours. He flexed his fingers, they were stiff and painful from the unusual activity, moved over and made himself a coffee as he considered the possibilities of three drive by shootings being linked, and almost sent his coffee all over himself when he turned round and found Rae sitting smiling at him from her desk with Jesse standing behind her.

"Hey, partner, I didn't think you were supposed to be back for another month." Rae smiled at him; she was so pleased for him that he was back where he truly belonged.

"Yeah, well you're not supposed to be back for another few months. So, what gives, Detective, can't get enough of the place?" Steve was smiling too; it felt good for them to be back together. He went to speak again but his phone rang and he moved back over towards his desk. "Sloan, here… Yeah, I called down about it…" He looked over at Rae tapped his wrist and shrugged. She understood the sign, it meant he would be on the phone for some time, so she nodded and seeing Detective Campbell further up the room gave Jesse a kiss on the cheek and moved over towards him.

The Present Day 

Martin went over to the water cooler and got himself a glass of water. It was another warm day, but today that was a good thing, it would mean a cool and pleasant evening ahead. He smiled for a moment, but then the memories came back to remind him what he had been thinking about, and he returned to them.

Nine Months Ago 

"Let's go over this once again, Mr. Levington." Cheryl was speaking in an almost monotone voice, and Martin knew that was her way of keeping her feelings to herself. "There has been a complaint made, which alleges that you assaulted and raped a young woman, as I explained to you just five minutes ago… Are you sure you don't want your councillor present for this questioning, Mr. Levington?"

"No, Detective, I have told you that there is no need to waste her time because these charges are completely unfounded." Levington had looked at her with an utterly blank face. He had his hands in a set of manacles resting on the tabletop and if they hadn't been there he would have seemed as innocuous as a small child.

"Mr. Levington, these are serious charges, but it is equally serious to make them if they are, as you say, unfounded. Can you tell us whether Miss Willis is known to you, and if you had a relationship with her?"

"I met her when I was a patient at Community General, she wrote to me incessantly while I was … detained, shall we say, and once I was released..." He had paused, almost daring her to interrupt, and Martin had been pleased when Cheryl decided to let that little inaccuracy pass. "Once I was released she seemed to think that I needed her help and company, but it certainly wasn't instigated by me."

The Present Day 

Martin finished his coffee and then he put the mug down on the desk. The interrogation of Levington that day had been going extremely slowly. They had both been frustrated and continually trying to keep their tempers under control, but it had been hard.

_Nine Months Ago_

Steve came off the phone and looked around for Rae and Jesse. He stood up and moved over towards the coffee machine, wondering if she had gone to make herself a drink. Jesse was standing there, but she was nowhere to be found, a voice called to him. 

"Hey, Sloan, you look lost, can't remember where everything is anymore?"

"Ha, ha. Nope, I'm looking for Rae." Steve smiled, he was getting used to the jokes and wisecracks, and he knew that if it were the other way round he would be the one dealing them out.

"Oh, she's gone down to the interrogation rooms to find Martin. She has to be at the hospital in an hour, so I told her where Robertson was and she headed down there." It had been Campbell who had delivered the bad news.

"What? Oh, God, they're interrogating Levington down there!" Steve was rushing across the room as he spoke, and Jesse with a look of pure horror on his face followed him out.

The Present Day 

Martin felt the pressure of that day bear down on him. It had been an ordinary day, annoying, but ordinary, and then everything had happened extremely quickly and with frightening clarity he was able to remember almost every detail. Which, he realised, was just as well, because for the second time in way too short a period of time for his liking IA had been on his back. Rae and Cheryl had both already made detailed statements to explain his actions in shooting his partner, and he had been extremely relieved when he had been reprimanded in the actual interview, but nothing had been added to his record.

The final parts of the day were clear in his mind now, and with a sigh he moved over to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup before he let them free. Thinking was thirsty work.__

Nine Months Ago 

Martin looked across at the man sitting opposite him. He didn't know why, but he believed him, he didn't think that he had raped that woman. He was sure that everything else Levington was saying was a pack of lies, but for reasons he wasn't sure he would ever be able to explain he knew that the nurse was lying too.

"Did you have an intimate relationship with Nurse Willis, Mr. Levington?" Cheryl asked the question as she saw Martin move his chair back and then walk around behind their prisoner stretching his legs and raising his arms above his head. Martin had seen her sympathetic look; they had been at this almost all day.

Martin began to walk back across the room and as he did so he stopped as he heard a voice in the hallway and realised that an impossible situation was about to unfold. Levington heard the same thing he did, and with a roar he pushed the table at Cheryl catching her completely unawares and sending her flying across the room. He was up and out of the door before either Martin or anybody else could stop him.

The Present Day 

Martin's mind began to work again and he thought for a moment about what Rae had said to him at the end of that day. She had been able to tell him her feelings, probably because of him being there when it all happened, but not being as close to her as Steve and Jesse.

Nine Months Ago 

Rae had been walking slowly towards where she knew Martin was and her mind was already beginning to work out the second part of her statement. Martin and Cheryl had finished working through the abduction itself when they had come to visit with her at Jo's house. She was glad that she had decided to come and finish everything up. She needed to come back and get used to being here again, because once the baby had been born, she fully intended to come back to work. 

She saw an officer waiting on the door to the interview room, and called out a welcome. "Hey, Murray, how are you today?" As she finished speaking Rae heard a sound that turned her blood to ice, a roar, which, the last time she had heard it, had ended with her getting beaten. She was rooted to the spot in terror as she saw a door open and her worst nightmare come rushing towards her.

Martin hurried out of the door behind him, his gun in his hand. "Levington, freeze or I'll fire." He aimed, his finger on the trigger. "Stop or I'll fire." There was no pause in his movements and as Robertson heard him say something to Rae he did just that.

Rae wanted to turn and run but she couldn't. Her arms went protectively around her as she watched Levington move towards her. She heard Martin call out behind him, and raise his weapon, and then just before he fired she heard five words that chilled her to the bone. "You will always be mine," and then as the sound of the gun shattered the air his words were cut off, the bullet slammed into the back of his head and as his life ended she was covered in his blood and brains.

Suddenly her feet began to move again and she turned, screaming as she did so. "No, oh, God, no!" She looked up, and saw Steve and Jesse rushing towards her, and she began to move towards them. But her legs no longer had the strength left to carry her, and the last thing she remembered was Jesse's worried face as she collapsed into his arms.

The Present Day 

Martin let out a sigh, he had killed that bastard, and no matter what had happened after that he had never regretted it. This time Internal Affairs had reprimanded both Cheryl and himself for letting Levington get out of the interview room, and a new system was now in place in the squad room which meant that every time they went to interrogate anybody, anywhere apart from in the actual squad room they had to fill it in on a sheet, saying which room they were in, who with, and who they were actually seeing. 

Rae had been taken to the Captain's office and Jesse had stayed with her until Levington's body had been taken over to Community General for Doctor Bentley to carry out the autopsy. Then Steve had driven both of them back to his girlfriend Jo's house where they were staying, and Rae had been put to bed. Three days later she had come back to the precinct to sign her statement on what had happened to Levington for the IA, and he could see that although she had been shocked and traumatised by what had taken place, it wasn't something that would haunt her forever.

There was one thing that had happened that he knew with absolute certainty was known to no one but himself and Rae. After she had finished reporting to Internal Affairs she had come and seen him and sitting on the side of his desk she had placed one hand over his and very quietly she had begun to talk. 

Nine Months Ago 

"Thank you, Martin." 

"For what, Rae?" He had looked very puzzled, he had no idea why she should thank him for anything.

"For killing him." She had paused for a moment. "I'm glad he's dead."

The Present Day 

Martin sighed and pulled his jacket off the back of the chair. He had never told anybody how Rae had felt about what had happened, and he never would. Everybody had been worried about how she would cope with what had occurred at the station, but he wasn't. He realised that she needed Levington to be gone, for good, so that she could continue with her life, and although he would never admit it, not even to her, he was glad that it was he who had done it for her.


	3. 03 Eight Months Ago

**_Eight Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

Mark walked into the kitchen his arms full of old magazines and supplements. There was one thing about having a party, it made you get rid of all those things you had been looking at and meaning to deal with for months. He started to sort them out ready for recycling and smiled as he saw a brochure slide to the floor about gated communities. He had been round quite a few houses with Rae and Jesse, flattered that they wanted his advice, and, he had to admit, more than a little curious to see what the places they had narrowed it down to were actually like.

_Eight Months Ago_

Mark picked up the phone as it rang in the hallway and heard the unmistakable accent of his friend.  "Mark? Hi, it's Rae…" He could hear the smile in her voice as she waited for the greetings to be over, and then asked her question. "Are you free this morning?"

Mark had checked his calendar, but he had been pretty sure he was free. "Sure, Sweetie, why what did you have planned…?  I would love to come look at houses with you… Ok, I'll meet you there at ten."

They had spent an enjoyable afternoon the previous week sitting in the sun at Jo's going over house details, and prices. Some of the places had been wonderful, with wonderfully silly prices to go with them. Rae and Jesse had looked through them with glassy eyes for a few minutes before consigning them to the trash bag they had by their feet.

Some houses had been in areas that Rae just wouldn't consider, she was so scared about moving into her own place, even though she desperately wanted to be living with Jesse and then the baby as soon as possible. It had been Steve who had suggested looking at gated communities, remembering the one he had lived in for a short while when he had been investigating a murder.

Mark laughed to himself. Rae couldn't believe that he was suggesting that they live in a secure community where three people had been killed! But after a while both she and Jesse had come around to thinking that it would probably be just the type of place to suit them.

They had logged on to various sites on the Internet and had narrowed it down to two communities, and now it looked as if he would be getting a chance to go and have a look around.

_The Present Day_

Mark slid the magazines into a paper carrier ready to take to the recycling centre later on in the week. Then he returned to the lounge to carry on tidying up. As he did so he saw the photo of Rae and Jesse smiling up at him from the coffee table. It had been taken that afternoon, when they had chosen their new home. He remembered how nervous Rae had been about committing them to a new property, but how excited too.

_Eight Months Ago_

"Oh, Jesse, look, what a lovely house!" Rae had the window of Mark's car down, and she was looking out at a pure white house with an extremely neat lawn, dark blue garage and something pink growing around the front door. It had a number 37 on the front wall and Mark had a feeling that she was hooked already.

"So, Mark, I guess we can just go home then, Rae has made up her mind. We might get back in time for all that wonderful surf I saw earlier." Jesse had obviously felt the same way as Mark. He was grinning and looking over at Rae. Mark knew that it was a long time since she had been excited about anything, and he was glad that this was giving her pleasure.

The car drew up at the kerb, and they got out. Standing in front of the black railings, which had gold tops to them, stood an extremely smart and dapper young man of about, Mark guessed, thirty-five. He had a beautifully cut and obviously very expensive suit on, black shiny shoes, and a crisp white handkerchief in his top pocket.

"Good morning, good morning. My name is Rupert Jenkins. You must be Ms Yeager." He had held out a manicured hand to Rae who had taken it, and Mark noticed that he had shiny nails. _To match the shoes and the teeth I guess._ "Who is Doctor Travis?"

"Ah, that would be me." Jesse had told Mark later that he knew that he couldn't look at Rae, because if he did he would laugh. He didn't know why, but he was absolutely certain that Mr. Jenkins would be someone that Rae would find extremely pretentious, and if he weren't careful he would be caught out laughing.

"Would you like to come this way?" Rupert moved through the gate and into the gardens as he spoke. "This is number 37, Fairview Drive South. A three bedroom property with views over the valley." He opened the front door, and almost without pausing for breath began to speak again. "As you can see the kitchen and breakfast room are to your left…"

Mark wandered off to the right. He let Rae and Jesse cope with Rupert, he just wanted to be nosy and see what you got for your money these days. It had been a long time since he had been in the market for property, and he hadn't had the chance for a real good nose around since Steve had bought his computer driven home, a few years before.

"…what do you think Mark?" He turned with a start as he realised that Jesse was talking to him.

"Oh, lovely, lovely." He had no idea what Jesse had said, but he hoped that was a good answer.

_The Present Day_

Mark picked up the photo and looked at it a little more closely. If you knew what to look for you could see that Rae had her fingers crossed. But she had been sure, and she knew that she wanted that house. They had driven home, but by two that afternoon they had been back and were sorting out the paperwork. Rae hadn't wanted to buy a place, she was happy renting, and so was Jesse. So the formalities had been much quicker.  They had agreed to a moving in date for two weeks later, and then driven back to Bob's to celebrate. 

It was while they were there that the nerves started to close in on Rae, and she became very silent. Mark remembered watching the couple as they were talking quietly together. 

_Eight Months Ago_

"Rae, honey, are you all right. I thought you would be real excited about the new house, but you seem very quiet. Are you feeling ok?" Mark could see that Jesse was concerned about her, as he was, she had been very animated about the whole thing when they had been signing the papers, and had even had him take their picture outside their new home, but now, she seemed completely different.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm sorry, Jess, I was just thinking about the house… it will be safe won't it? For the baby, and for you?"

"Of course. You don't think I would have agreed to sign the papers if I didn't think we were all going to be safe did you?"

"No, I guess not…" She had smiled then. "It is a beautiful house, isn't it?"

"It sure is. Once we get settled in we can have a party. We have a lot of people to thank, and I think it would be nice to show off our new home to everybody."

"That would be lovely. We've never thrown a party before have we?" Her smile turned a little sad. "I guess we haven't had that much to celebrate, until now. Ow!"

"Rae, are you alright?" Jesse became instantly concerned.

She smiled at him and took his hand, and then gently placed it on her stomach. Slowly a huge grin spread across his face. "Do you feel it?"

"Oh, yeah. Wow, he or she is really getting into the party mood. Can I tell Mark?"

"As long as he doesn't come at me with his hands outstretched, yeah I guess so."

"Hey, Mark, I just felt the baby, I mean really felt him." 

Mark smiled, the baby had been moving around for a few weeks, but by the time Jesse had been able to touch Rae it always seemed that the movements had quietened down and he had never felt a real hard kick before. Mark did come with a hand outstretched, but it wasn't toward Rae. He shook hands with Jesse. "It's a great feeling isn't it? I can still remember feeling Steve and Carol." Mark became a little quiet for a while as he moved back into his memories. "Katherine always said that the only bit of being pregnant she missed was feeling the baby moving around, when nobody else knew about it."

"I agree with that. It's funny, you wait nine months for the baby to arrive, but I have always felt really empty once it has. Oh, I know you have the baby to hold, and that is so wonderful, but those moments when you, and only you are aware of your child, they are so special… Sorry, I guess I got a bit soppy there." Rae had smiled, an embarrassed look on her face.

Jesse had stared for a minute. Mark knew that all of them kept forgetting the fact that Rae had already been pregnant three times. Maybe if her other children were here it would be easier, but they kept thinking that all this was new for both of them.

"Well, you have plenty of time to enjoy your special relationship. Just don't go hauling too many heavy boxes, or moving furniture around, ok?"

"No, Sir. I guess you'll tell Alex if I do, huh?"

"Tell Alex what?" None of them had heard him come up to them, and Rae turned, as she did so her baby got another kick in just under the ribs, and she instinctively placed her hand over where it was battering her. "Ow, for goodness sake, Alex, this baby is doing a dance in here. I guess I don't need to worry about the sedatives anymore, ow!"

"Rae, can I?" Alex was blushing now.

"Yes, but nobody else." Rae looked around, as if afraid that half the room would start coming towards her. Alex gently laid his hand on her, and her baby, drawn by the pressure and warmth rewarded him with a healthy belt.

_The Present Day_

Mark chuckled to himself. The baby had spent the whole evening at Bob's kicking out at Rae, and in the end she had given up and decided that it was time to go home and hope that it would quieten down if she lay down and tried to sleep. He never did find out if it worked, but two weeks later she was moving things into her new home, and looking more happy and relaxed than he had ever seen her.

****

**_Seven & A Half Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

"Mommy, can I take my cricket set tonight? Maybe Aunty Rae can teach us some more rules." CJ came rushing down the stairs, one stump in his hand.

"Well, I think it will be dark for some of the time, but yes, take it, I'm sure there will be somebody there who will play with you. Maybe Uncle Steve, or Uncle Jesse."

The little boy went happily back up the stairs to get his things, and Amanda watched after him. She knew how fulfilled Jesse and Rae were now that they were a family. In a way she envied them the time they had to come with their new baby. Then she thought about how Jesse had said that he had been up seven times the night before, and Rae had been up nine times when it had been her turn, and she decided that she would be quite happy to have her turn at cuddles, diaper changes, feeding and burping, but the best bit would be handing it back to mom and having a good night's sleep.

Amanda let her mind wander across the last few months. She knew that both Rae and Jesse had been visiting with Brian Dobson regularly, and that Rae still was. There had been such an improvement in both their lives that she knew that it wouldn't be long before Rae would be stopping her visits too. Amanda tried to work out when it was that Rae had started to really live her own life again. She had a feeling that it was about the time that she cleared her things out of her old place.

_Seven and a half months ago._

Amanda walked into Rae and Jesse's apartment building her hand tightly around Rae's. She was worried about her friend, and so she had insisted that she come with her and help her clear her place.

Jesse was at work; he had come back with Steve the day before, and taken all his furniture and belongings. He had wanted to be here with Rae, but as he had been off work for so long he didn't like to take any more time, especially as he wanted to be at home after the baby was born.

"Are you alright, Rae?" Amanda could feel her hand shake as she held it.

"Yeah, no, no not really, I just want to get my stuff and leave. I can't believe that I am even here." She looked around. "There, that's the plant that fell over, the one that told Jesse where we were." Rae had slowed her step and Amanda found herself walking ahead of her.

"Honey, I can do this for you. Once the movers get here, I can just tell them to come get all the stuff, and we can sort it all out the other end."

"No, Amanda, I have to do this, to close this part of my life off. He's dead, he can't hurt me any more, and I have to lay his ghost." Rae was walking quickly again now, and Amanda sighed and just kept moving.

Once they got to the front door Rae unlocked it and went in. She had stood in the middle of the living area and the tears came up in her throat. The last time she'd been here HE had been with her. Amanda saw Rae begin to shake and then she had moved closer to her and put her arms around her.

"Hey, come on, maybe this was a bad idea. I can sort this for you, you know that."

"No, I'm sorry." Rae had wiped her eyes with her hands. "I will do this. He can't harm me, not from the grave." She took a deep breath and moved over towards the bedroom. She pushed at the door with her hand and then walked into the room. Rae had told Amanda later that she had been instantly surrounded by memories and sounds. She could hear his voice, and see Jesse's terrified face as the tape was put across it. Then in her mind she heard the gun go off and Amanda watching from the doorway saw her jump.

She was just about to go and guide her out of the room when Rae started to move again, and she headed for the end of the bed. Down on the floor in between the mattress and the wall was a large bloodstain. Rae covered her mouth with her hand and then without any help from anyone she left the room.

_The Present Day_

Amanda got up and went up towards her bedroom, as she crossed the landing a red cricket ball came hurtling towards her. She just managed to move out of the way and watched as it went the full length of the upstairs before crashing into a doorframe the other end.

"And we are planning on going straight to bed instead of going out are we?" Amanda looked at the two extremely worried faces peering around their own doorframe.

"Sorry, Mom!" Dion was the first to speak.

Amanda saw him dig his brother in the ribs.

"Ow! Sorry, Mom." CJ was not impressed by what Dion had done, but knew better than to make more trouble.

"So I should think. Now I suggest that an extremely clean bedroom might be a good way to make up for that little happening." Amanda chuckled as they disappeared._ Blackmail, I just love it._

She moved into her bedroom and over towards her closet to pick out an outfit for later. As she did so she heard her front door bell and rushed for the stairs, but was beaten by two young men. The door was flung open and Amanda stopped and watched the scene from the stairs. CJ and Dion were caught up in a huge bear hug and they were hugging back. In between their happy faces was the equally happy face of Ron.

It took Amanda another hour to get back to the door of her closet to decide what to wear. As she did so she found her thoughts returning to where they had been. The day that she and Rae had cleared her place. It was getting a new tenant the same day, and Rae wanted to make sure it was clean and tidy for him.

_Seven and a half months ago_

"Rae just sit down for a moment, and then we can get on. You aren't taking any of the stuff from the bedroom anyway, the removers are going to sort that out first and it will be picked up by that guy from the refuge at ten."

"Yeah, I know, but I had to go in there, otherwise I would always wonder whether I could or not. Now I know that I can." Rae got up then and moved in there once again. Amanda knew now that she'd had a very pressing reason for going in there, but at the time Rae hadn't wanted anybody to know about it. She looked around the room, but Amanda could see that she wasn't as overwhelmed this time. "Ok, let's get the stuff packed up in here. Thank goodness the new place is bigger than this. At least all this will fit in to it. I can't afford to buy a third set of furniture."

_The Present Day_

Amanda lay down on the bed. They had worked extremely hard that day. Rae had told her how disgusting the place had been when she had moved there. How, when she had opened the door on it for the first time, after the previous tenant had moved out, it was like she was still there, because you could see the shapes of all her ornaments and belongings on the walls. She hadn't wanted to do that for Alex, who was going to be taking over her lease. He was also taking over Kira, because Rae had been worried how the young cat would react with a baby.

"Hey, dreamer, you look miles away." Ron came into the room, and Amanda jumped as he spoke.

"No, not miles, but months. I was just thinking about when Rae and Jesse moved into their new place. You weren't here then, but it was a hectic time."

_Seven and a half months ago_

The van from the refuge had taken all the bedroom furniture with grateful thanks. Rae hadn't explained why she was giving it to them, and they hadn't asked. The bedroom carpet had been taken up and was rolled up outside the door to the apartment. Steve was going to come over and take that to the county dump later. Rae knew that she had forfeited her bond because of the carpet, but it was a small price to pay to still have Jesse with her.

"Rae, come on we have to go, all your furniture is on the moving truck. The driver said they would see you in the morning." Amanda was getting worried about her now; Rae had gone back into the bedroom and was down on her hands and knees on the floor. Suddenly she let out a cry.

"I've found it, I've found it!" Amanda had a feeling that Rae would have leapt to her feet if she had been able. She could see tears shining in Rae's eyes, and her left hand was held in a tight fist.

"What have you found?" Amanda spoke softly. She knew that whatever it was, it was of very great importance to her friend.

Slowly Rae unfurled her fist and there dusty and dim was her engagement ring.

_The Present Day_

Rae had explained to Amanda that it had been ripped off her finger and flung across the room when Levington had taken her. Nobody had mentioned it when Jesse was found, other things had always been happening and she had never had the chance to ask about it, she had put if off because she hadn't really wanted to accept that it was gone forever, now she wouldn't have to.

Amanda smiled and looked at her watch. She had a while yet before she needed to get ready. Rae had seemed to blossom in more ways than one after that day, she already knew that Levington had been put firmly where he belonged, which was now six foot under and moving out of that apartment seemed to have given her the chance she needed to put everything behind her.  As Amanda lay there she heard feet outside the door, and then suddenly her two wonderful boys joined her, and she could see Ron at the door. This was what life was all about. Being with the people you loved, with your family. Rae and Jesse had that now, and she for one couldn't be happier for them.

****


	4. 04 Seven and a Half Months Ago

**Seven and a Half Months Ago and The Present Day**

The Present Day

Rae lay on the sofa, her feet up and a cushion behind her head. This was the life. The whole house was quiet; she knew that Jesse was in the nursery, enjoying being a daddy. Rae smiled, as she remembered that he had held their baby first and had been a natural dad ever since. She had worked all night, but she had slept the morning away, and now she was relaxed and content.

Rae looked around. She could see the clear blue sky out of the front window, sometimes she wished for the angry clouds that were so common in England, but for now the weather matched her mood, peaceful and calm. They had been living here for a little over seven months and it still gave her great pleasure to just sit _or lie_ and look around at her home. She just loved the white walls and the wooden floors in this room, although she imagined that it wouldn't be long before there were little handprints to be wiped off. The house was spotlessly tidy, and everything was in its place, with a smile Rae remembered the day they had moved in. She had thought they would never get everything sorted out.

_Seven and a half Months Ago_

 "Rae… Rae! Honey, the man just called ahead from the movin' van, he said they are comin' in through the main gates now." Jo called out, "Can you hear me, or am I callin' to the wrong part of the house?"

"Oh, ok, I hear you, I'll be along in a minute." Rae had stood in the room that was going to be the nursery. The walls were a pale pastel lemon and she had been putting a stencil of pink and blue ducks up and down on little blue waves by the sink unit. There were pink and blue teddies on the wall where the crib would be positioned and she still had to put little elephants by the cabinet, which would house the refrigerator and the microwave. Rae ran her hands over her stomach and felt the pressure of a little foot or hand as she did so. 

"Rae, they're here."

Rae sighed. She liked the emptiness of the house, the clear straight lines of everything, still they didn't have that much furniture, so most of it would still be empty anyway. Then she put the lid back on the stencil paint and headed for the hallway.

"Ms Yeager?" The man from the moving truck was standing on the doorstep. Rae had looked at his feet, he had big filthy looking boots on, and Rae had a feeling that she would be cleaning her new floor before the day was out.

_The Present Day_

Rae smiled to herself. She had actually enjoyed cleaning the floor that day. Once everybody had gone and she was waiting for Jesse to come home from work she had wiped over the tiled floor in the hallway all the way along. Then she had vacuumed in the nursery and their bedroom, and as she did so she felt more and more at home. By the time Jesse arrived everywhere was clean and tidy, and once she had shown him everything they had spent a quiet evening, talking over their hopes and fears for the future, and Jesse had even admitted to re-decorating the nursery in his mind.

_Seven and a half Months Ago_

Rae came out of the bedroom at the end of the hallway and looked around her. She could go either way now and investigate her house a little more. She decided to go down towards the spare bedroom. It didn't have any furniture in it yet, because they didn't have a bed to put it in it. The closets were a cream colour, and the carpet was too. Rae hoped that she would have plenty of visitors who would want to come and stay in it. 

"Rae? Hi, Honey, I'm home." Rae could hear the smile in his voice and had a feeling that he had always wanted to say that.

Rae heard his voice and rushed back up the hallway. She turned the corner outside their own bedroom and then went round past the family room and there he was, standing in the doorway of his own home, waiting for her to come to him. "Oh, Jess, it's just fantastic, I've had a wonderful day."

"You didn't move anything heavy did you?" Jesse had been very concerned; he knew what she was like.

"No, I promise I didn't. Texas was here, and she wouldn't let me do anything. But I did finish the nursery, do you want to come and see?"

They walked hand in hand down the hallway, and Rae opened the door. The room now had the crib in it and the refrigerator and microwave were in position. She had finished her stencilling and the room was almost ready for its little occupant. "We just need to put the nappies and the baby milk and the clothes in the closet, but I don't want to put any of that in, not yet."

"It looks great, Rae, thank you, but what are nappies?"

"Nappies are diapers, don't worry you will soon know exactly what they are." She looked over at Jesse and enjoyed watching him.  He had a happy smile on his face as he looked around the room.  The room would grow with their child, and he guessed that cars or dolls would replace little teddies and ducks, and the crib would turn into a bed. He stopped himself from thinking. The baby wasn't even here yet and he was planning out its future. 

"Hey, penny for your thoughts." Rae touched him lightly on the arm.

"Oh, nothing, just enjoying the prospect of becoming a dad." 

"Well, Dad, come and look at our bedroom, I did that too." Rae took his hand and they walked back out of the nursery and into the room next to it. Their bedroom was a big airy room and there was an en-suite bathroom as well as a dressing room.

Jesse looked around and couldn't stop himself from smiling. He had always felt that a house was a house was a house, but now his house was a home.

"Oh, Jess, could you go and put these towels on the top shelf in the bathroom for me?" Rae handed over a pile of dark blue towels.

"The top shelf?" Jesse looked at her.

"Trust me." Rae just smiled at him.

A moment later Jesse was back. "Hey, I can reach the top shelf, did I grow?"

"No, sorry, when they phoned me the other day about where I wanted the shelving to be put I asked to have it lower down. We can reach all the shelves and cupboards in this house, and you should check out the kitchen, even the shelves in the cabinets are at our level."

"Rae, you have made this house a home straight away, thank you." He had pulled her towards him then and begun to kiss her. Rae had been tired, but as she felt his body against hers, all thoughts of sleep departed and she began to kiss him back.

"Jess, Honey, it wasn't a home until you got back from work." She stopped talking then and forgot about everything else but the feeling of Jesse's fingers as he began to take her paint splattered shirt off, she felt him run his hand across her stomach, and realised that instead of making her want to move away, when he did it she just wanted to lay there and let him continue. 

_The Present Day_

Rae smiled as she thought about the first time they had made love in their new home. For a moment she realised that it was the last time too, but she pushed that thought away.  If she had written a script of her ideal first day it would have been just as it happened. Things had been like that for ten days before everything began to change again. It had been a frightening and anxious time and even now it brought tears to her eyes as she thought it through. They had discussed their feelings about what had happened over and over. Rae knew how Jesse's thoughts had progressed, and just how scared he'd been, although at the time she had just needed to know he was there for her.

**_Seven Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_Seven Months Ago_

Rae and Jesse had been sitting in the family room, Jesse had been on the computer and Rae had been half sitting half lying on the sofa. 

"Honey, are you all right, you haven't said hardly a word since dinner, and you only picked at your food?" Jesse looked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm ok, just leave me alone, all right?" Rae had looked across at him, and for a moment he had seen fear in her eyes. Jesse had moved over to crouch down in front of her.

"Rae, what is it?" He was worried about her now. She didn't usually snap at him. He had been home all day, and now he thought about it she had been very quiet for most of the time. They had been shopping in the morning for more baby things. They now had a mobile to hang over the crib, a baby bath so that they could wash him or her in the warmth of the nursery, and a changer so that everything was all together in the same room. Rae had been quite animated while they were shopping, but once they had arrived home she had quietened down, and had got quieter and quieter the longer the day went on. "Rae, talk to me, what's the matter?"

"Stop it, Jesse, just stop it!" Rae had got up to leave the room, but she had only got as far as the doorway before she cried out. "Arghhhhhh, Oh, God, Jess, help me, please, help me." She had grasped hold of the doorframe for support, but her legs wouldn't hold her and she sank to her knees.

He was right there with her, and was horrified to see that she was absolutely without colour. "Honey, what is it, what's the matter?"

Rae was breathing hard, and it was obvious that she was in great pain. Slowly as she leant against him it began to pass. "Jesse, oh, Jess it hurts." Rae was on all fours now, and trying to concentrate on her breathing, but she had yet to get it under control and she was beginning to feel very light headed. "I'm in labour."

"What, are you sure?"

"Jesse, trust me, I know what it feels like. You have to get me to Community General, it is way too early for the baby to be born."

For a moment Jesse just couldn't think. Then slowly he began to regain his senses. Rae was only seven months pregnant, the baby had been small from the start, and he knew that this was very bad news. 

"Jesse, please." Rae's voice broke through his thoughts, and he moved her back into the room and eased her gently onto the sofa. Then he headed out into the hallway and picked up the phone. He dialled the number without even thinking and waited to be connected.

"Doctor Martin please, this is Doctor Travis… Yes I'll hold but it's urgent." Jesse looked at his watch it was just after three in the afternoon. Suddenly he heard Alex's voice. 

"Jesse, hi, it's Alex. What's up?"

"Alex, I have to bring Rae, in, she's in labour."

"What, how much in labour? Can we stop it…? Ok, stupid question, I'll find out when you get here. It takes what thirty minutes from where you are? Bring her in the car, Jess, and I'll alert maternity."

As Jesse put the phone back on its cradle he heard Rae begin to cry out again and rushed back in. He checked his watch as he went. There were about four minutes between contractions. There was no way they could stop this labour, he was going to be a dad, probably by the end of the day. All the excitement and the anticipation had disappeared, now it was replaced by a sense of helplessness and foreboding.

Jesse was suddenly furious with Rae, for her to be so far advanced in her labour it must have been going on for a good while. "Why the hell didn't you say something earlier. There is no way we are gonna be able to stop this now." Jesse was shouting and even the look of terror on Rae's face couldn't calm him down.

"I'm sorry, Jesse, I thought it would go away. Please Jesse, I'm so sorry." Rae had managed to talk to him even though the contraction was building. Then she began to concentrate on her breathing again, and this time she managed to get it right, and she began to ride the waves of pain that washed over her.

_The Present Day_

As Rae thought about how terrified she had been when she realised that her contractions had begun she heard a cry from the nursery. Instinctively she got up off the sofa, but then she remembered that Jesse was there, and so she sat back down. She had known since about ten the morning her baby had been born that something wasn't quite right. She had thought at first that the contractions she was getting were the ones called Braxton Hicks, practice contractions, but as lunchtime had arrived she had known that other things were happening. 

She had been so scared that she hadn't even told Jesse what was going on inside her. She kept telling herself that the feelings would stop, besides they weren't that painful so it must just be practice ones. But as she had sat in the family room watching Jesse playing computer games they had suddenly got very much worse, and very much quicker. She had felt that she needed to get up and walk around and when Jesse had been so kind to her she knew she just had to move or she would yell at him, but the contraction that had gripped her as she reached the doorway had taken every ounce of strength out of her. Rae smiled for a moment as she remembered how Alex had told her of his fears and how his first delivery had been much earlier than he had anticipated. She had known that he was concerned, but he had been so calm that it hadn't been apparent until afterwards.

_Seven Months Ago_

Rae had lain down on the back seat of Jesse's car and he had pulled out of the driveway and onto their new street in a flash. By the time they were drawing up to the gatehouse to get the security guard to let them through, Rae was having another contraction and Jesse was getting seriously alarmed that they might not actually make it to Alex in time.

"Jesse!! I don't care where we are, you are gonna have to stop for a minute, my water just broke." Rae was almost screaming now, and he could see her in his rear view mirror her face reflecting the agony she was in.

"Oh, great! Well you can clean it up later!"

"Jesse, I'm sorry, but you have to stop!"

"Honey, I am not stopping this car unless the baby is coming, otherwise we won't make it in time."  Jesse just kept driving, Rae knew now that he had felt mean and helpless as he heard her trying to keep her breathing steady. 

At last she saw the entrance to Community General coming up in front of her and had been grateful that Jesse had drawn in as close to the doors as he could. 

Alex had been waiting there, and he came running out with a gurney, and was standing by the car as Jesse drew to a halt. "Jesse, how is she?"

"In pain! Alex, it is way too soon for the baby to be born." Rae was contraction free and so she gently moved herself out of the car and let Alex help her onto the gurney. 

Rae took hold of Jesse's hand as they moved along the hallway. "Jesse, I am so sorry, I couldn't get it to stop."

"Rae, if the baby is ready to come then you know there is nothing you can do. Everything we need to help him or her get over their early arrival is here. It will be all right. And none of this is your fault. Now relax, and it won't hurt so much." Rae knew that Jesse could tell from her face that that statement didn't impress her.

"And you have experience of this do you. Trust me Jesse, even when it doesn't hurt every bit of you is just waiting for it to start all over again." By the time she arrived at the delivery suite she was in pain once more. "Oh, God, Alex, I need to push, now."

"Rae, hold on, I'll be right with you." Alex was scrubbing up as he spoke and he turned back to her with his gloves on and took a deep breath. 

Jesse moved up by Rae's shoulder and took her hand. She was concentrating on her breathing, and he could see that she was looking at something on the wall in front of her. 

"Ok, Rae, you can push with your next contraction, but only when I say so, ok?"

Rae just nodded. Her whole body was waiting for the next wave of pain to hit her, and she was almost on autopilot. 

Two minutes later, Rae heard the word she had been waiting for. "Ok, Rae, push, now!"

Jesse began to understand how Steve had felt as Rae gripped his hand so tightly that he thought it would break.

"Relax, Rae." Alex looked at her as she collapsed back onto the pillow. "Ok, you're doing great. It won't be long now." He waited for the next contraction, his mind going over what he would have to do as soon as the baby was born. They all knew that it shouldn't be here for another two months and would have to go straight to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. There was an incubator waiting right next to him and then he or she would be rushed across the hallway and into the warm and safe surroundings designed especially for very small babies.

"Arghhhh, Alex, it's starting again!" 

"Ok, Rae, push, push now… keep pushing… Ok, we have a head… one more push should do it…there, wonderful." Alex let out the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding and looked down at the tiny baby in his hands. "Rae, Jesse, you have a daughter." Alex looked up at his two friends. "Jess, would you like to cut the cord?"

Jesse had just nodded mutely and moved down to wash his hands. Then he gloved up and looked down at his baby girl. "Oh, Rae, she is beautiful, just beautiful." He couldn't think of anything else to say, and for a moment his eyes were full of tears, but then he blinked them back and carefully and gently he severed the tie between mother and daughter and then he held her, just for a second as she began her journey through life.

The nurse came over and took the baby from him and wrapped her up in a blanket. Then she moved over to the other side of the room to quickly weigh her and put her into the incubator.

"Alex, Jesse, is she all right? Where is she?"

"She's with the nurse. She's very small, Rae, but you can see her in a minute." Alex looked over to where the nurse was just weighing the baby and he could see that the digital numbers hadn't gone very high.

_The Present day_

Rae lay back on the sofa, she felt the tears in her eyes as she remembered how powerless she had felt after she had given birth, and how completely empty. When she'd had her three children in Britain they had been handed straight to her and she had held them gently in her arms and taken in every detail of them, but this time she hadn't been able to do that. The aching need she had to just be able to hold her child hadn't been realised for a long time. She had held her, but there had always been an incubator behind her, and she had been on an IV and a ventilator for a while too. Rae got up off the sofa and walked down the hallway. She could hear Jesse chatting away with his daughter and she watched from the doorway for a little while before she was spotted and she carried on thinking. 

_Seven Months Ago_

Rae had felt the tears spring to her eyes as her daughter was wheeled towards her in the special bed. Even though she was very small to Rae she was just gorgeous and she so wanted to be able to touch her. "Alex, can I hold her, or just touch her, please?"

"Honey, no, not yet." It was Jesse who spoke, and Rae could hear the emotion in his voice. "She needs to stabilize first. We can go to the NICU and see her in a little while."

Alex looked at his two friends, and he felt so for them. They had been through so much, and now they couldn't even welcome their baby into the world properly. Suddenly he realised that he hadn't asked them a very important question. "Rae, Jesse, what are you going to name your baby?"

They smiled at each other then and Rae nodded almost imperceptibly at Jesse, and he looked at his daughter as he spoke. "We are gonna call her Eliana, Eliana Jessica."

"Wow, what a beautiful name, what does it mean?" Alex looked down at the little girl and smiled. 

"It means God has answered. It's Hebrew; it seemed apt when we were looking for names. Let's just hope he keeps on answering, I think she'll need it." Rae tried to keep the tears from flowing, but as she watched the incubator being moved away she turned towards Jesse and cried in his arms.

_The Present Day_

Rae sighed, she had cried in Jesse's arms for a couple of minutes before she had realised that he was crying too. It had been a very hard time for them, but in different ways. She had needed her child, and had been very worried about her all the time, but Jesse knew all the problems she could face and had to keep them to himself. 

"Hey, how long have you been standing there?" Jesse smiled as she stood there, Eliana was smiling up at him and her arms and legs were kicking and waving.

"Oh, not long, I was miles away, thinking about the day that she was born."

Jesse's smile disappeared for a moment and then he smiled again. "Well, look at her now, she's beautiful, just like her mom."

Rae had moved into the room, and now she placed a finger onto Eliana's palm and her pudgy little fingers immediately locked around it. "Hi there, Sweetie," Rae smiled at her and Eliana gave her a gummy grin in return. She had two tiny teeth just showing through her gums, which had given them a few sleepless nights that week.  Her arms and legs began to move more wildly, and Rae moved her finger out of her hand and took her daughter from Jesse.

"Let's take her into the family room, then we can all sit together. I don't know why but I have a mind full of memories right now."

Jesse picked up the activity mat and centre from the carpet and they all headed back the way Rae had just come. He laid the mat on the floor and put the centre on top of it. Rae gently laid Eliana underneath it and then they sat together on the sofa and watched her.

"She was so small, Jesse, I was so worried that she wasn't going to make it, but then when I finally got to the NICU all of a sudden she seemed quite big."

Jesse smiled at her and pulled her close. "Yeah, I know, I felt the same."

"That first day, the day she was born, I never did thank you for calling Texas. I needed somebody with me, and you, you were so torn weren't you? Not knowing who to be with for the best."

"Yeah, I wanted to be with you, but I needed to be with Eliana too. I knew that Jo would stay with you and make sure you were ok, and then I could concentrate on just sitting and talking to Eliana and…" He stopped talking for a moment and looked embarrassed. 

"And make sure that they were looking after your little girl properly?" Rae smiled at him.

"Yeah, yeah, that is what I was gonna say, how did you know?"

"Texas and I were talking about it a couple of weeks ago. She said that she'd seen Alex and he'd said your were being a little … over protective." Rae laughed and then carried on talking. "You know she told me other things too, what she had been thinking while she was in with me. She understood just how I felt about being separated from you and Eliana, she was the best person you could have called for me. Thank you." Rae leant over and began to kiss Jesse, and for a moment their daughter was on her own, as they concentrated on each other.

_Seven Months Ago_

It was early the next day before Rae got to see Eliana properly again. Once her baby had been taken to the NICU Alex had made sure that she was ok, and then she had been wheeled off to a private room. First of all she just lay in the bed, unable to cry or sleep or do anything, and then there had been a knock at the door.

"Rae, Honey, can I come in?" Rae looked up and saw Texas standing there. She had nodded mutely and watched as her best friend had come and sat in the chair next to her. "Jesse called me an' told me you were here. I'm so sorry, Rae, I know this isn't how it should have been."

"I know, I'm so glad you're here."

Jo looked at her and her heart went out to her. She had been so positive and happy since she and Jesse had moved into their new home, and it had lasted just over a week. Now they had to worry and wait to see if their daughter was going to be all right. Sometimes life just wasn't fair. "I have just been an' seen Jesse, an' he gave me this for you." Texas handed over a photo and Rae looked at her daughter. She was lying in the NICU, she was on a tiny diaper, and had a little hat on her head, but apart from that she looked just as she had when Rae had seen her being wheeled off.

"Did you see her? Did you see Eliana? Is she all right?"

"No, Honey, I haven't seen her. I'm not family, an' they wouldn't have let me in, so I didn't ask."

"Oh, Texas, I just want her here with me, I feel so empty, so incomplete." The tears had started again then, and Jo had moved a little closer and held her friend as she had cried. Rae hadn't spoken, and after a little while Jo had realised that she had fallen asleep. She had buzzed Alex and then waited at the door for him. 

"Shhh, she has fallen asleep, I just thought you would want to know, an' also she has a photo of her baby now, so at least she can look at that. Will the baby be all right Alex?"

Alex had nodded his head. "Yes, she should be. Rae was only thirty weeks pregnant, and Eliana has Respiratory Distress Syndrome. Once her lungs have developed a little more she will be ok but it won't be easy for them. She is on a ventilator now, and having oxygen too, I have given her some surfactant, which will help her lungs, but I think it will be ok. She is on antibiotics as well, because babies this small are prone to all sorts of infection. But I have to say it could have been a lot worse."

Jo had listened to every word that Alex had said, and she could see why Rae wanted him as her doctor. He may be young, but he was completely sure of everything he was saying. She felt her confidence rise, and for the first time, she saw a healthy future for Eliana.

_The Present Day_

"That first night, after she was born…" Rae stopped talking. She didn't know why she had said that. It had been a terrible night, and normally she tried to forget it had happened. Texas had gone home just after Rae had eaten her evening meal, and then she had lain back down and tried to sleep.

"I know, I know, I just felt so helpless, and like you said before, torn. But I knew that Eliana was ok, and you, well you weren't were you?" Jesse was concerned, but he could tell that Rae wanted to carry on talking.

"No, I wasn't, but I knew you were there, and that helped."

"The nurse on duty that night was a little out of her depth I think, and she was definitely relieved when I arrived." Jesse smiled then, just for an instant. Her name had been Jill, and every time he saw her since he remembered the relief in her eyes when he had come rushing into the room.

_Seven Months Ago_

The nurse on duty at the desk in maternity heard the noise before anybody else and rushed down towards the room that she knew housed Detective Yeager. She called out as loudly as she dared to a nurse now coming up from the other end of the hallway. "See if Doctor Martin and Doctor Travis are around."

Jill had moved over towards Rae's bed. She was tossing and turning and calling out, and Jill could see that she was in the middle of a nightmare.

_The Present Day_

Rae shuddered and Jesse pulled her closer to him. "That house, it's always that house. Jesse I'm sorry."

"Shhh, I know, do you want to stop?"

"No, it helps to talk about it."

_Seven Months Ago_

Rae knew that she was in a dream, but it was so real that she just couldn't get free. She had to see her baby; if she could do that then the dream would end.

Rae was in the room where Levington had kept her prisoner, she could see her baby in a room across the hallway and he was leaning over the crib. She tried to get to the door so that she could save her child but suddenly she wasn't alone. 

"Please, let me get to my baby." 

"No. She is too little, you must stay away until she is big." The voice came from behind her and she spun round to find Alex and Jesse standing there holding a large key. 

"She needs me, I'm her mummy."

Jill looked in disbelief as her patient tried to get out of bed. "No, Ma'am you must stay here." She tried to make her lie back down, but it just made her panic.

"No, I must get out of here. Let me go. Let me go."

Rae looked at Alex and Jesse, they were keeping her in this room, she moved over towards the door but something was pushing her back. 

"No, Let me go. Please let me go." She looked over towards the crib again and she saw Levington reach in to pick up her baby. "NO! Eliana, No!"

Jesse came out of the NICU as he heard his name being called over the intercom, he moved down the hallway, heard Rae call out for her baby and knew that she was in the throes of a nightmare. He sighed as he ran. She'd had a few difficult weeks while they had stayed with Jo, when her dreams had been vivid and frightening, but she had been free of them ever since they had moved into their new home. Now he knew that they were back, and scaring her once again. 

Jill had looked up. "Doctor Travis, thank goodness you're here, I can't reach her, and she just called out for her baby." The nurse had moved away from the bed and Jesse had taken her place.

"Rae, Honey, it's me, it's Jess. Eliana is fine, she is safe and sound in the NICU, and she is fast asleep. I promise you, she is fine."

As Rae tried again to get to the door she heard Jesse's voice. "She is fine." But she knew better, she could see her baby in that man's arms, she didn't know who to look at and found herself turning from Jesse to her baby and back again, then suddenly when she looked Eliana had gone. "No! My God, no! Bring her back."

Rae had begun to thrash around on the bed, and Jesse could see that she was getting very agitated. As he moved his hands so that he could touch her cheek and maybe get her to realise he was there she suddenly stopped moving.  "No…no…" Tears replaced the movements, and Jesse knew that she would slowly come out of her nightmare now. 

"Did you call for Doctor Martin?"

"Yeah, I did, but I think he may have finished for the day. He would have been here by now otherwise."

"Ok. Can you see if Doctor Sloan is in?"

"Yes, Doctor." Jill had moved out of the room, glad to have something else to do and Jesse had turned back to Rae.

"Rae, Sweetheart, can you hear me?" Rae had slowly opened her eyes but it had been clear to Jesse that she'd had no idea where she was, or what had happened.

"Jess…? Oh, God, Jesse, Eliana is she all right?" Everything immediately came back to her and she tried to get out of bed to go see her daughter.

"Honey, she's fine, but you aren't. Listen to me. Lie back and just listen to me, ok?" Rae had done what he said. "Do you remember? You had a bad dream do you remember it?"

"He was there, Jesse, he took her, he took Eliana and you and Alex, you wouldn't let me go to her. Wouldn't let me see her…" Rae began to cry again then. "I just want to see my baby."

"Well, I'm sure we can arrange that, if you promise to let me give you something to help you sleep afterwards."

Rae and Jesse both turned at the sound of the friendly and welcoming voice and saw Mark standing in the doorway.

"Mark? Oh, Mark, please, can you let me see her?"

Mark just nodded and moved slightly out of the way so that she could see a wheelchair behind him. Rae had got slowly out of bed and Jesse had helped her into it. Together the three of them had moved over towards the NICU and Rae looked inside. It wasn't a part of the hospital she had ever seen before, and all the wires and machinery shocked her. She could see all the tiny babies that were in there and she was suddenly afraid of what she would see when she looked at Eliana.

"Are you ok, Rae?" Jesse had put his hand on her shoulder and she had just nodded.

"Come on then, Jess, if you would hold the door open we need to get in as quickly as we can, so we don't let any heat out."

Mark had pushed Rae up to an incubator at the end of the room and she had just sat in her chair and looked in wonder at her daughter. The miracle of birth never ceased to amaze her, but in a way this was even more amazing. All these tiny babies, fighting so hard to stay alive. She looked around her again, Eliana seemed to be one of the largest babies here, and that made Rae feel more confident for her.

"She is beautiful isn't she, Jesse, Mark?"

"Honey, look who her mother is, how could she be anything but beautiful."

"Thank you, Mark, and thank you for letting me see her."

"That's ok. You will be able to be in here all the time once you have got some sleep, so what do you say we go and deal with that now?"  

_The Present Day_

"You know, I think I would probably had slept without that sedative, once I had seen that she was all right." Rae looked over at Jesse, and she could see that he was thinking about the same time that she had been.

"Maybe, but it meant that the sleep you got was dream free, and it meant that I got some sleep too." Jesse smiled at her and pulled her a little closer to him again.

"Oh, Honey, I never thought of that. I'm sorry."

"Hey, I would have happily sat with you all night to keep your dreams at bay, but once you were asleep I suddenly realised just how tired I was, and I went to the sleep room and grabbed a few hours there."

Eliana let out a delighted squeal as one of her waving hands bashed at one of the soft ducks hanging down from the activity centre above her. Rae and Jesse both laughed.

"I guess we had better be thinking of feeds, bath time and getting read to go to Mark's before long." Rae ran her hands through her hair as she spoke. It seemed like ages since they had been out, she didn't think they had gone out as a family since Eliana had come home.

Eliana had stayed in the hospital for two months. Alex had warned them that she probably wouldn't be allowed home until roughly the time she was supposed to have been born but it had still seemed like an eternity. But when the time had actually come for them to have her all to themselves, Rae had been terrified.

**_Five Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_Five Months Ago_

"Alex are you sure she's ready to come home, maybe we should get a second opinion." Rae had looked at their doctor, an extremely worried look on her face.

"Rae, she's fine now. She could have gone home about three days ago, but you were so concerned about her I decided to keep her a little longer. Look at her, Rae, she's beautiful, she's a healthy weight and she needs to be with her Mommy and Daddy." Alex smiled as he spoke; he had got extremely attached to Eliana while she had been in the NICU.

"Honey, if there's a problem with Eliana I am sure I can cope, I am a doctor y'know."

"Ok, I know, I know, and I'm sorry, it's just that… well she seemed so big when she was in the ICU but now… now she seems so tiny again."

"She is small, and you know everything that we have told you about looking after her, but she is ready to be with you. Now go, before we close!" Alex was almost shooing her out of the maternity unit as he spoke.

_The Present Day_

"It was lovely to have her home but I was just so scared, and even though you had never been a dad before, you seemed so much more relaxed than I was." Rae looked over at him. It had been a very tense household for a while, and there was no doubt that Eliana had picked up on it. She had cried and cried the first day home, and nothing seemed to calm her.

"I wasn't relaxed, I just did what you did. I thought you were the calm one. You seemed to know how to pick her up, grab an armful of diapers, clean set of clothes, and then the next thing I knew she was all changed, sweet smelling and smiley, and it would have taken me for ever to do all that."

"I guess we were both fooling ourselves and each other. But we both survived didn't we? And so did she." Rae was gazing down at her daughter as she spoke.

Eliana seemed to know she was being talked about because she stopped her playing and looked over at her Mom and Dad a happy grin on her little face. 

_Five Months Ago _

Rae sat up in bed and looked blearily at the clock. It was twenty past three in the morning, and even though it was Jesse's turn to see to Eliana she was awake too. She sat there and remembered doing this before. John and Patrick had been really good babies. John had slept through the night at three weeks, and Patrick at six, but Mara, well, she should have known better than to expect it to happen a third time. She and Tony hadn't slept in the same bed for six months. Every ten minutes Mara would wake up and begin to cry. Rae smiled to herself as she remembered how she used to say that if Mara had come along first then she would have been an only child, and now she had done it again!

Slowly she got out of bed and grabbed her robe. She moved over to the doorway to go see Jesse, but as she crossed the hallway she stopped. She could hear him and as a big smile appeared on her face she began to listen.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none."

Rae heard Eliana squeal with delight as Jesse got to none and ran his fingers up her leg, tickling her all the way up. "Jesse, we are never going to get her back to sleep if you play with her. Remember, pick her up, change her, feed her, put her back in her crib, and go back to bed. That way she doesn't think waking up at night means fun."

Jesse had looked so crestfallen that Rae had had to laugh. "Well, it's your night's sleep you're forfeiting, I'm going back to bed."

Rae had lain there and listened as Jesse put his daughter back in her crib and wound up the mobile above her head. She smiled as she heard him say, "Now, don't let Mommy be right about this, I'll never hear the last of it, you just close your little eyes and go back to sleep, and tomorrow you get to spend your first whole day in your new home. But please, sweet pea, go to sleep."

Rae had pulled the covers up over her shoulders and shut her eyes as she did so Eliana let her daddy know that she still wanted to play.

_The Present Day_

Rae got up from the sofa in the family room, and moved over to her daughter. "Come on Ana we have to get you looking real pretty for tonight."

"Don't Rae, you know I hate it." Jesse looked at her, and his eyes had hardened.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry, I won't call her Ana when you're around." Rae shook her head and picked Eliana up. They didn't disagree over very much, but when she forgot herself and called the baby Ana, Jesse just hated it. "Come on, let's go get ready to show her off."

Jesse got up and joined her, his anger forgotten. He didn't keep a bad temper for long, and it was such a little thing really. He kissed both his girls and then they went off to get ready for Mark's party.


	5. 05 Four Months Ago

**_Four Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

Alex turned over in bed and turned his alarm off. It was one in the afternoon, and he had just finished a shift rotation of nights and he knew that if he slept any longer he would be awake all night. He pulled the covers back over him for another five minutes in the warmth and comfort and felt Kira pad up the covers and snuggle up to him.

Slowly he got out of bed and grabbed the sweater that was lying over the end of the bed. He groaned as he saw the cat's hairs all over it and headed towards the closet instead.

As he rummaged around he saw his tux hanging on the rail and he smiled. Mark had suggested that it might be a good idea to buy one, and so he had blown, well he didn't even like to think about how much it had cost him, but it was worth it. The day he was thinking of he had worn it for the first time. That had been the last time everybody had been together, and it had been a wonderfully happy day. There had been cheerful times since, and worrying ones too, but he didn't want to think about those right now. As Alex headed towards the kitchen, now wearing jeans and a t-shirt his mind began to wander back over the preparations for Rae and Jesse's wedding, and how involved he had been in it all.

_Four Months Ago_

Alex grabbed a soda from behind the counter at Bob's and headed over towards the table where all his friends were sitting. It was a Sunday afternoon and the restaurant was closed. They had three hours before it would open again for the evening, and in that time they had a wedding to arrange.

He looked around and smiled to himself. In front of him was his entire life. All his friends were here, apart from one or two who, he knew, didn't mean as much to him as these people, and he didn't mean as much to them. 

There was Mark, who he knew had taken him under his wing when he had started his internship, and even more so when he had lost his dad. Sitting next to Mark was Jesse, the doctor who he admired more than almost anybody else. He always managed to do everything with a smile and a kind word, he didn't think he could ever remember him being anything less than cheerful and kind to every patient he ever treated.

Rae was talking to Steve and Jo, and he could see that Eliana was sitting on her Uncle Steve's lap. The three of them were so tightly linked together, Rae and Jo were best friends, and she and Steve were partners, and all of them were friends he knew he could rely on at any time. He would never forget the day that Rae had come to see him after he had qualified to ask him to be her physician. He had known in that instant that everything he had worked for had been worth it, and then when she had registered Eliana with him as well, he had thought he would burst. She was a beautiful child, tiny for her age, and maybe a little behind where she should be development wise, but the love and care lavished on her every day would help her get to where she should be with all the back up she could ever need.

Alex sat down next to Amanda and she turned to him. "Hey, Alex, you looked miles away for a minute there, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I was thinking how lucky I am to have so many great friends." Amanda had smiled at him then and placed her hand over his. 

"We are lucky to have you as our friend too, remember that."

Alex took a drink from his glass and waited for somebody to speak. It was Jesse who smiled and then began to talk. "Ok, I can hardly believe this myself, but we are here to try and sort out all the different things we need to do so that Rae and I can get married next month." 

"Me, either, who would have thought that there was somebody in this world who wants to get married to you?" Steve had grinned as he spoke and Rae had batted him on the arm. 

"Shhh. This is special to him." Rae had glared at him, and Steve had looked down at his feet.

"So, you won't want to be my best man then?" Jesse had looked at him, a smile on his face, knowing he had the best comeback possible.

"What?" Steve had looked confused and embarrassed for a moment. "Jess, I would be honoured. Thank you."

Rae had turned to Mark then and smiled a little sadly, Alex had thought. "Mark, my Dad is no longer with us, and I wondered if you would do me the honour of giving me away? And Texas, would you be my bridesmaid?"

Mark looked astonished and thrilled at the same time. "Sweetie, I would be delighted, if you are sure."

"Yes, I'm sure. I know that John and Patrick can't get here, and so I would love it to be you I am clinging on to as I walk down the aisle." Rae watched him as Mark got up from his chair and came round behind her. 

"Thank you Rae." He kissed her gently on the cheek, ran his hand over Eliana's hair, and went back to his seat.

"So, where are you plannin' to hold the ceremony?" It was Jo who spoke. "Only if you would like y'all could hold it at my house, an' yes, Rae I will be your bridesmaid, thank you for askin' but what about Mara?"

"Oh, Texas, that would be wonderful. We wondered about asking Mark if we could hold it there, but it is so open, and I would like this to be something private." She paused for a moment and there was sadness in her voice as she spoke again. "I would love for my children to be here, but we just can't afford to pay for them to come. Tony is coming, but he is combining business with pleasure."

"Sorry, Rae, who is Tony?" Alex had looked a little confused, but Rae had just smiled.

"Tony is my ex-husband, Alex, but we are still friends, and I am just thrilled that he can come to my wedding."

Mark looked across at her, and decided not to talk about her children any more. "Honey, I would be happy to hold your wedding at the beach house, but I agree with you, Jo's house would be much more private."

"Besides, Michael is just itchin' to have a weddin' to organise." Jo leant in towards her friend and whispered to her, "It will be good practice for me, I hope!"

Alex had looked over to see whether Steve had heard what Jo had said, but he was bouncing Eliana up and down and playing horsey games with her, and was in a little world of his own.

"So, I have arranged the priest, we now have a venue, a best man, 'father' of the bride, and a bridesmaid, so I guess that is about it, huh?"

"No, not really." It was Rae who spoke up. "Jesse, I've been married before, but you haven't. This should be a really special day for you. If you would like I will pay for the main players, that is you Jess, Mark, Steve and Alex to wear top hat and tails for the ceremony."

Alex looked at Rae, he felt a little embarrassed. "Ah, Rae, I don't have anything to do, did I miss something?"

"Alex, I'm so sorry. We want you to be our usher. Make sure everybody is in the right place at the right time. And also, we would like you to take some pictures and a video of the day. We won't have an official photographer." Rae shuddered for a moment, "I don't think I could cope with that."

"Thank you, Rae, I would love to do that for you. I guess I had better start practicing my shots." Alex smiled at her; he was thrilled to do what she had asked him.

"Jess? Would you like to wear top hat and tails?" Rae looked a little disappointed that he hadn't answered her.

"Well, maybe… what did you say? Sorry I was watching Steve and Eliana." Jesse looked at her and waited for her to explain.

"Would you like to wear top hat and tails for our wedding?" Rae looked a little exasperated as she asked her question for the third time.

"Top hat and tails? Wow, that would be great. " Jesse's face was grinning now. "I can pay for mine, Honey, they aren't cheap."

"Jesse, please, let me do this for you."

Alex could see that Rae was really enthusiastic about what she was saying and he knew by his friend's reply that Jesse could too. "Ok, if you don't mind, I would love for it to be really formal."

"Ah, Rae, I already have a tux." It was Alex who spoke, and Rae turned to him. "Mark suggested I buy one after I qualified, for the Benefactor's Ball and things like that, it's new, I've not worn it yet." Alex had blushed as he remembered Mark's words. He had been so flattered to think that now he would be invited to things like that because he was a doctor. For a moment he was sad that his own Dad hadn't lived to see it, then he had pulled himself together. "So I'm ok, you could just rent the jacket and the hat couldn't you?"

Rae had nodded and then looked at Mark and Steve. "You two will wear it, won't you?"

"Of course, Sweetie, I have a tux too, and I know that Steve does, don't you son?"

"What, have what?" Steve looked up from where he was gently rocking Eliana who was now fast asleep.

"I'll sort it out so that you all match, ok?" Rae had smiled at her friends, and then Alex watched as her eyes rested first on her daughter, and then on her husband to be, and he felt so happy that life was being kind to her for a while.

Alex looked across at his friend the cop; he really admired and liked him. He could see that Steve would be such a great father; Alex hoped that he and Jo would be in this position before too long. Although maybe it would be better to do the wedding first and the baby later.

_The Present Day_

Alex took two slices of bread and put them in the toaster, and then he took the tin of cat food out of the refrigerator and put some in Kira's bowl.  He remembered Rae talking to him as they took the plates back out to the dishwasher at Bob's that day. She had agreed with him, whenever Steve picked up Eliana or even saw her his whole demeanour changed and he became a huge softie.

The next memory was the day that they had all headed to LAX to meet with Jo's brother and Rae's ex-husband. Rae had asked Alex to come along because she wanted him to tape it so that it would all be part of the wedding video.

_Three And A Half Months Ago_

"Rae, will you sit down, why are you so jumpy all of a sudden?" Jesse was walking slowly up and down with Eliana on his shoulder trying to get her to drop off to sleep, but Rae was walking twice as fast as he was and didn't have any purpose to her journey.

"I'm sorry, Jess, it's just that I am real nervous about Tony coming. What if you don't like him, and what if he doesn't like you? What if the children are really upset about Ana? Sorry Eliana. What if…"

"Rae, shhh, it will be ok. He loved and married you, so there is no reason for me not to like him, and … well, everybody likes me!" Jesse smiled a cheeky smile and was relieved to see Rae slow down to a stop and smile back at him, but then the smile faded and she began to talk again.

"And Eliana? Mara is used to being the baby of the family, maybe she will be jealous of her new little sister. She's always been the only girl too. Maybe John and Patrick will hate the idea of a baby who doesn't have the same daddy as them…"

"Rae, for goodness sake." Jesse's voice was raised and Eliana hearing and feeling his tension began to cry again. "Oh, great, thank you so much!"

"Jesse, Honey, let me have a go at rockin' her for a little while." Jo smiled at him and held out her arms for the baby. At three and a half months Eliana was about the size of a month old baby, and she seemed to almost disappear as Jo placed her back in her stroller and began to push it back and forwards in front of her. The crying began to die down, and soon it was apparent to them all that Eliana was fast asleep.

Alex finished filming Jo and Eliana and then as he turned he saw Steve coming across towards them. "Hey guys, sorry I took so long, but I had to park right up at the top, I guess the whole world must be flying in or out of here today."

"Shhh, I just got the baby off to sleep." Jo put her finger to her mouth, but then let out a little squeal. "David, oh my I am so pleased to see you." She moved out from behind the buggy and rushed over to a very tall young man who was walking over towards them.

Alex looked at the man that he had heard Jesse and Steve talking about the night before at Bob's. He hadn't known what he had expected but somehow this man didn't look like someone who could run a multi million-dollar empire, although he had to admit he didn't really know what somebody who ran a multi million-dollar empire would look like.

David Walters was a very good-looking young man, _well he's older than me, but not that much older than me._ But then Jo was a beautiful woman. Alex felt himself blush as he let his thoughts wander and then he smiled to himself as he saw Steve draw himself up to his full height as he moved over to introduce himself.

Alex made sure he kept the camera on Steve. He was a tall guy, about six feet two inches Alex reckoned, but somehow he got the impression Steve seemed to feel a little …short, he couldn't think of another word for it, Steve had the demeanour of someone short.

Steve placed a hand protectively around Jo's waist. "Hey, Sweetheart," he gave her a gentle squeeze and she smiled up at him.

"Hey, Honey, this is my brother, David. David this is Steve Sloan."

David held his hand out and they shook hands. Steve was surprised to feel an extremely firm but not unpleasantly strong grip. "I'm mighty pleased to meet with you at last. Jo did nothin' but talk about you an' all her new friends when she was home with me. I'm glad to see that your hands are fine again now."

"David, this is Rae, an' Jesse, an' their little baby, Eliana." David turned to where Jo was pointing and Jesse and Rae both stood up. 

"I'm pleased to meet you too, an' your little baby, Jo was just gushin' when she told me all about her."

"We are so pleased that you could come up to meet us all and come to our wedding. Texas is so special to me, and I was delighted that everything all fitted in so well."

"Texas?" David looked a little puzzled.

"She didn't tell you?" Rae smiled at this seemingly kind man in front of her who shook his head at her question. "When I was injured a while back, just after I had met her, I was a bit fuzzy headed, and I thought her name was Texas, I've called her that ever since. You don't mind do you?"

"No, of course not, an' even if I did, I wouldn't dream of interferin'. She would have me strung up for sure if I did. Listen, everybody, I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I need to thank you, all of you for keepin' an eye on Jo, an' makin' sure she was safe after that … that creep injected her with… whatever it was she was injected with."

Jo put her hand on his arm. "I told you I had good friends here, an' that they cared for me, I am so glad that you are here so you can see that for yourself." Jo turned to her friends then and realised that there was one person she hadn't introduced. "Oh, David, sorry, the guy behind the video camera is Doctor Alex Martin, also the photographer for the weddin'." Jo smiled across at Alex who was watching the whole world in black and white. Suddenly the loudspeaker blared across the airport announcing the arrival of the flight from London and Rae began to get nervous all over again.

Alex lowered his video camera and moved over towards her. "What does Tony look like, Rae. I don't want to film the wrong guy."

Rae smiled at him, "Let's just say that you will have no problem spotting him."

_The Present Day_

Alex laughed to himself as he wiped down the kitchen counter after his breakfast. He hadn't understood what Rae had meant at first, but as Tony had appeared everything had become brilliantly clear to him, and it was another wonderful bit of film that he had been able to capture.

_Three and A Half Months Ago_

Alex had been surprised that Rae didn't seem to be looking out for Tony. She just sat where she was and looked out over the heads of all the people milling around. She waited quietly for over five minutes before a huge smile split her face and she got up and moved over towards a crowd of people. Alex turned the camera, thinking that if he followed Rae he wouldn't film the wrong person.  

As he saw Rae slow to a stop he almost dropped the camera. No wonder Rae hadn't needed to look too hard to find her ex-husband. He hadn't been able to get them both in the same headshot and in the end he had to swing up and down between them to get a record of both their reactions to each other. He swung the camera back round towards the rest of the group of friends, and had to choke back his laughter as he saw Steve try to make himself even taller, and push his chest out a little more, and even David Walters who until a second ago had been just standing quietly also put his shoulders back and stood a little straighter.

Rae was chatting animatedly as she walked, and had a package in her hand with a large bow on it. She was fiddling with it and almost bouncing along. "Guys, this is Tony, Tony this is Alex, behind the camera, Texas, David who is her brother, and I just met five minutes ago, and this is Steve, who is my partner."

Alex had trouble keeping the camera still as he watched first David and then Steve shake hands with Tony, looking up all the while. Alex did some math in his mind. He still reckoned that Steve was about six two, and David was about six four, but Tony, he must be easily six foot nine, maybe even ten. 

"This is Jesse, Tony." Rae had smiled as Tony had looked down and down, and Jesse had looked up and up.

"I'm very pleased to meet you Jesse, I'm glad that Rae has met someone she can have a conversation with face to face."

"Ah, yeah. Um." Tony's remarks seemed to have robbed Jesse of the power of speech. "Just how tall are you anyway?"

"Jesse!" Rae had been horrified at the question.

"I am six foot nine and a half inches, why, how short are you?" Tony had smiled as he spoke, and Jesse had the grace to blush.

"Ah, about five seven I think, I never checked." Jesse held his hand out to Tony and saw Steve standing next to him.

Tony saw him still standing there too, and looked at the two friends looking up at him. "Steve, you keep her safe, you understand me? Otherwise I will be back, that goes for you too, Jesse." Tony hadn't smiled when he spoke and Alex had gotten the impression both men knew, just as he did, that this giant of a man meant every word he said. 

"Oh, I will." Steve held his hand out and Alex saw him wince as the English man shook his hand again. Then Rae moved over to her ex-husband once again and spoke softly to him.

"Tony, love, come here a minute." Rae placed her finger on her lips and the tall man moved quietly over. "This is Eliana."

"Oh, Rae, she's beautiful." Tony had a deep voice, and an accent not unlike Rae's had been when she had first arrived. "Open your present."

Rae had pulled excitedly at the ribbon and then taken the lid off the box underneath. She had let out a little gasp and pulled a photo frame out of the box. She had looked at it for a few moments and then she had moved over and held it up in front of Alex so that he could film it. The picture was of Rae's three children, all standing together, beautifully dressed, the boys in shirt and tie and Mara in a black glittery dress, her hair also shining and twinkling in the flashlight.

"Thank you, Tony, it's beautiful. How did you get them to all look so smart?"

"It was nothing to do with me, it was Shani, she arranged the whole thing. She loves them very much, Rae, and they love her too."

"Good, Tony, I am so glad." She stood on tiptoe and Tony bent down and they kissed each other and then moved apart. Rae looked in the box again and saw a little tag underneath where the frame had been. The card had been written, probably by Mara, in a pink pen, and read, 'This is for Eliana, so she knows what her brothers and sister look like until we can see her for ourselves. Lots of love John, Patrick and Mara. P.S. Please send a picture of you and Jesse and Eliana back with Daddy.'

"Ok, guys I think we'll have to pay rent if we stay here any longer. Maybe we should go." Steve moved over next to Jo and placed his hands on the handle of the buggy.

_The Present Day_

Alex picked Kira up off the floor and placed her gently on the sofa, he got down on his hands and knees and started to pick up the cat toys he had bought for her. Then he moved over grabbed the vacuum and began to tidy his apartment. As he did so he thought about the afternoon that he, Rae, Jo, Jesse and Steve had sat and watched the video he had taken at the airport. He had been a little uncertain as to whether what he was filming was how Rae and Jesse had actually wanted it, so he had asked if they would have a look, just to give him a confidence boost. He smiled as he remembered how pleased they had been with what he had done.  Although Tony and David had been in the video as well, they both had other places to be, and so weren't able to join the five friends.

He had been watching Steve as he began to play the tape, wondering what his reaction would be to the film.

_Three and A Half Months Ago_

"This is just after Steve came back from the parking lot. David is just coming across towards us, and Jo just spotted him." Alex looked at Steve and had a hard time keeping a straight face. As Steve watched the film Alex saw him sit a little straighter in the chair, and Rae spotted it too.

"I see we are practising our posture again, Lieutenant!" 

"Ha, ha. Jo, you never said your brother was so tall, but I have to admit I didn't realise I'd done that."

"Honey, I didn't mention it because he has always been taller than me, well as long as I can remember, an' it just never occurred to me." __

The film moved on and they saw Jo introducing everybody to her brother, and then there was a pause and the camera panned out across the airport and there was Tony coming across to meet them. This time it was Steve who pointed at the screen and laughed.

"Look it wasn't just me this time, David stood up taller too. But you didn't Jess, but then I guess everybody is taller than you!"

"Oh, funny guy. Rae told me that she fell in love with Tony's belly button, but she fell in love with my eyes!"

"Eewwwww, Rae, that is gross!" Jo looked across at her friend, and pulled a face.

"Oh, thank you, Jess, any more little secrets you want to let out while we're here?" Alex watched the horrified look Rae gave her future husband.

"I couldn't believe how tall he was, Rae." Steve hurriedly began the conversation again. "It's not often I have to look up to somebody, and to have it happen twice in one afternoon, well, I guess I know how Jesse feels now!" 

"Hey, I am here you know!"

Steve pretended to look under the table. "Did somebody speak?"

Jesse turned to his best friend and stuck his tongue out at him.

"I have to say though Rae, that when he shook my hand I was quite worried. It wasn't that long since I had been in casts…" Steve just seemed to run out of words and Rae had been instantly concerned for him.

"Steve, I am so sorry, I know he would be mortified if he thought he had hurt you."

"It didn't really hurt me as much as make me, I don't know, very nervous.

Alex had been surprised; he didn't think anything very much would make Steve Sloan nervous, he guessed that his hands being broken had really affected him.

**_Three Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

Alex flopped down on the freshly made bed. He looked at the clock, it was just after three in the afternoon, and he was exhausted already. He hated nights, but everybody had to do them now and again. As he lay there he saw his tux in the open closet once again, and this time his mind travelled back to the day of Rae and Jesse's wedding.

_Three Months Ago_

Alex walked in the front door at Jo's house and looked around. It was only the second time he had been here, and he was still a little overawed by its grandeur. A very proper looking English man had opened the door to him and taken his top hat.

"Doctor Martin. If Sir would like to come this way, Miss Josephine and the Lieutenant are receiving guests in the morning room."

Alex just nodded mutely and followed behind the man he remembered was called Michael.

"Alex, how are you today?" Steve moved over towards him and he saw Jo talking with Mark and Amanda. Then he saw CJ and Dion in little tux's rushing out of the open double doors into a flower filled garden and turned back to Steve.

"Hey, I like the outfits on Amanda's boys."

"Yeah, aren't they cute? Rae asked them to hand out the order of service booklets for her, and when they found out that Jesse and I were getting dressed up they wanted to do the same."

"I guess I had better get them on film. And you, when you finally get changed." Alex looked at Steve and realised that he was still in his ordinary suit.

"What's the time? Oh great, I have about an hour, I guess I'd better go up and get ready hadn't I?" Steve moved back over to where Jo was standing and whispered something to her. Then they both moved off towards the house and Alex saw Ron and Amanda take over in their place to welcome the guests.

_The Present Day_

Alex laid on the bed his hands behind his head and a smile on his face. The next part of the day contained one of his best memories. He thought of it often, normally when Jesse was getting in a bit of a flap at Bob's, but now was definitely a good time to go over it again.

_Three Months Ago_

Steve and Jesse had been getting dressed for the wedding in Steve and Jo's room. They hadn't been hurrying, and had been chatting and just enjoying each other's friendship in an unpressured and pleasant set of surroundings for a change. They had finally put their wedding suits on and Steve had looked at himself in the mirror laughed and stuck his hands out at right angles from his body then he did the same with his feet and began to waddle around the room. Jesse had just stood and looked at him for a moment, and then with a huge grin he had begun to copy him.

Alex smiled at the memory. He had come up the stairs with the video camera in his hand just to get a couple of shots of the groom and best man before they came down stairs, but what he saw was beyond his wildest dreams. Standing quietly against the wall he had been able to film them without either man having any idea that he was being watched. 

Steve had begun to quack and Jesse had stopped waddling, although he kept his position. "Penguins don't quack."

"I know, but they honk, and I can't honk."

"Oh, right. Ok. Quack, quack," Jesse had joined in and they had done one more circuit of the room before Steve had collapsed on the bed almost helpless with laughter. Jesse had quickly joined him and they had laughed together for a short while, before Jesse had placed his hand on the arm of his best friend. "Thank you, Steve."

_The Present Day_

Alex had turned the camera off then, and retreated back the way he came. He knew now how the conversation had continued, but then all he had been aware of was that he should be somewhere else.

_Three Months Ago_

"Thank you, Steve."

"For what? For behaving like a total loon, and making you act the same way?" Steve smiled. He had an idea that wasn't what Jesse meant, but he didn't want to go all serious on him just in case he was reading the situation the wrong way.

"Well, yeah, but for way more than that. You have been here for me, for us for the whole rough ride. I would never have met Rae if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have Eliana in my life, and I wouldn't be back to the way I should be. I won't ever try to repay you, because I know that isn't necessary and I couldn't do it anyway, but I want you to know that I understand what you have done for me, and for my family." Jesse smiled as he said family, and then carried on. "I won't ever forget that. Thanks, Buddy."

Steve had stood up as Jesse had been speaking, and now he held out his hand and helped his friend to his feet. Then he pulled Jesse towards him and took him into a warm and grateful bear hug that spoke all the words that Steve couldn't say. As they pulled apart both men could feel the emotion in their throats. They shook hands once and then Steve pulled down on Jesse's morning coat and smiled.

"Come on Mr. Groom, I think we are wanted down stairs."

_The Present Day_

Alex got up off the bed and looked at his watch, it was almost six o'clock. He must have fallen asleep as he thought about Steve and Jesse doing their penguin impersonations. Now he would have to hurry to get to Mark's party on time, still he smiled, it had been nice to reminisce, and he had needed the rest. He headed off towards the shower wondering what memories he would make tonight.


	6. 06 Three Months Ago

**_Three Months Ago and The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

"Rae, I don't have to wear a suit for this thing tonight do I?" Jesse put his head round the doorway of the bathroom where Rae was getting ready to take a shower.

"No, I shouldn't think so, why? You look great in a suit, and I just love the dark blue one you wore after the wedding. Made you look wonderful, I wouldn't have wanted to be going away with anybody else."

"Hey, that was a nice thing to say, thank you. It sure was an amazing day wasn't it? And you looked beautiful."

"It was wasn't it? Even though we had to put up with the bachelor parties, all that pampering and excitement. Terrible wasn't it?" Rae smiled as she remembered

"Oh, yeah, I just hated every minute." They both laughed as they began to reminisce.

_Three Months Ago_

"Rae, Honey, I have to be going in about a half hour, are you sure you will be ok?" Jesse came into the morning room to see Rae feeding Eliana. "Hey, Sweet pea, how's Daddy's little angel this morning?"

"You know, you could take her with you, I'm sure Steve would happily spend the whole day looking after her." Rae smiled; she was thrilled at how much her partner seemed to love her daughter. "You know I can't believe I have to go back to work in two weeks."

"Don't think about that yet, we have a wedding and a honeymoon in between now and then. Now, I think I have everything that I need for tomorrow, most things are already at Jo's house, but you are sure you will be all right here overnight?"

"Jess, Texas will be here with me, and this is a gated community, we moved here, so we would be safe. I will be fine." Rae looked down at Eliana and saw that she was just about at the end of her bottle. She gently sat her up on her lap and began to rub her back, and then began to laugh as the tiny child made a man sized burp. 

"Wow, she must get that from your side of the family." Jesse looked on in amazement. "She never does that for me!"

Rae stuck her tongue out at her almost husband and carried on gently rubbing circles on her daughter's back, but it soon became clear that she had gotten rid of all her wind in one go. 

"Go to Daddy for a minute then, he's going to leave Mummy, and on the eve of their wedding!"

"Hey, I don't want to go! You're the one who said it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride on the morning of the wedding. I would much rather be here."

"I know that, but I want to do it all properly. And remember, I won't be on time, I know you don't have brides being late over here, but we do, and I want to do that too."

"Honey, I'll do whatever you want to make you happy. I love you, and I want to spend my whole life with you and Eliana, for always, and after tomorrow I know that's what's gonna happen."

_The Present Day_

"You know, Eliana slept the whole night through, and I had a wonderful evening with my friends, we laughed and joked and I learnt so much about you, Steve, Mark, even Alex. It was just great."

"Yeah, well you weren't the only one who had a bachelor party. I did too. And I had a butler at mine!"

"And he followed his instructions to the letter and kept you all sober!" Rae smiled at him as she spoke. She wasn't sure if he knew that Texas had asked Michael to make sure that after a while the drinks weren't quite what they thought they were.

"He did what!" Jesse looked angry for a minute, but then his face formed a smile again. "You know, I couldn't work out why my head still belonged to me the next day, I guess now I know."

Rae moved back into the room as she began to towel dry her hair. Her bathrobe was warm and soft against her skin and once again she felt relaxed and happy.

_Three Months Ago_

"Jesse, you cannot call Rae, she is having her bachelorette party, and we are having our bachelor party. It does not include having you phone your fiancée during the first ten minutes. She has a doctor, a cop and her best friend with her. She will be fine!" Steve pushed Jesse back down into his seat.

"Ok, I'm sorry, Steve, I just worry about her."

"We know, trust me, we know!" Alex smiled at him and looked around the room. Steve was taking a tray of drinks from Michael and handing them round. By the time all the drinks had been taken and drunk, Jesse and Tony were the only two men in the room who were standing apart from the group of men gathered to have a good time. There was such a difference in height that it was difficult to concentrate on anything else about them, and everyone could see that they were deep in conversation.

"…And she is fine, you're sure about that? I seem to have spent every day since she left worrying about her. I thought her life was impossible to live with when we were together in London, I can't imagine what it must be like here."

"I guess I'm used to it, to a certain extent, knowing Steve, but, yeah, it has been real hard, but I do love her Tony, and I will try to keep her safe, I promise you that." 

"I know you love her, and more to the point I know just how much she loves you, and Steve seems like a great partner to have, maybe I can start to relax about her a little." 

They had shaken hands then and moved back towards the group. Jesse wondered how many bachelor parties had the bride's future husband and her ex-husband at them.

David Walters stood up and smiled "Gentlemen, I hope that you don't think I am interferin' but I have arranged a little activity for us." He took out of his pocket an envelope, "in here there are tickets for all of us to go for a go-kartin' an' paintball afternoon."

"Wow, David, that's wonderful, thank you so much." Jesse stood up and moved over to Jo's brother. He shook hands with him. "I guess if you twist my arm we could be persuaded to go then."

Rae put the final plate of nibbles on the table in the living room and took her apron off. She had half an hour before her friends were due to arrive and she had something she needed to do. She went out into the hallway and picked up the phone. "Hi, Mum? Yeah, it's me, how are you…? Everything is ready, and I will send you a copy of the video as soon as I can, probably in about two days… Yeah, I wish you could be here too, and the children, but I have arranged to speak to them after the ceremony… Oh, she is just beautiful…no, she looks different to how Mara did, she is a little fairer than her, but you have the pictures I sent you…I will, Mum, she sleeps through the night, and she is taking more of her formula now, so I think she'll be ok, even though she is still so tiny… I know I was small, but she is just so beautiful…Oh, he just dotes on her, she is gonna be a real Daddy's girl…Oh, Mum, that's my security alarm…hold on a minute…"

Rae had moved over and answered her buzzer. "Hello…Ok, yes I'll let you in, hold on."

"Mum, listen, I have to go now, but I'll phone you tomorrow, I promise, just after I have spoken to the children…yeah, I love you too. Bye." Rae put the phone down and headed to the door. She felt more secure every time she realised that she was in control of who she let into her house, before they could even see it. 

Rae stood in the hallway, and waited for the bell to ring. As it did she opened the door, delighted to be able to welcome her friends to her new house. "Hey, welcome to my hen night!" Rae smiled and then hugged each friend in turn.

"Welcome to what? A hen night?" Cheryl looked at her, and then realisation dawned on her. "I heard that in London, that is what you call a bachelor party for women isn't it?"

"It is, but in England a bachelor party is just as likely to be called a stag night."

"We use that too, but I think I prefer bachelor party, for both occasions, somehow it sounds more sophisticated." Amanda was hanging up her coat as she spoke.

"Yeah, me too. Hen night sounds terrible doesn't it? So, come on ladies, welcome to my bachelor party!"

Soon Cheryl, Amanda, Texas and Rae were lying back on chairs, their faces covered with different face packs, their feet soaking in warm water while they laughed and joked about the various men in their lives. 

"You know Jesse's eyes follow you wherever you go when you are together, whether you are talkin' to him, playin' with Eliana, even loadin' the dishwasher. He is lookin' at you all the time." Texas laughed as she spoke.

"He is not! Is he?" Rae felt warm inside as she saw her best friend nod, and the others join in.

"Rae, he talks about you continually at the hospital, if it's not something you've done, it's something that Eliana has done, he is completely besotted…" Amanda tried not to smile too much, so that her mask stayed complete.

"Those two days you were in the other week, when you were checking up on the paperwork and things ready for when you come back to work, he must have called you fifteen times!" Cheryl had joined in the laughter, and she had felt so pleased for her friend as she saw Rae sitting there practically glowing as she listened to the conversation.

_The Present Day_

"You know you had a really exciting bachelor party and I had a really calming one, you were exhausted afterwards and I felt, oh I don't know, serene and relaxed, and I was the one with the baby!"

"Yeah, but you didn't have outdoor activities given to you as a present. I tell you it was wild."

"It was just as well I didn't find out about it until after it had happened, or there is no way I would have been serene and relaxed." Rae leant over to where Jesse was sitting on the end of the bed and kissed him gently on the lips, "but I'm glad you had a good time."

_Three Months Ago_

"David, I don't know how to thank you, this is just great." Jesse looked round at his seven friends. They were about to start a series of heats in their go-karts for the honour of winning the Travis Trophy. They had drawn lots and were going in four races with two men in each. Martin was going against Tony in the first heat, then David and Alex were paired up for the second race, he was up against Steve in the third and much to his amusement Mark was facing Ron in the last round. Everybody except Martin and Tony were standing behind a barrier waiting to cheer the first two contestants on for their five-lap race.

"Look, I'm very sorry about this." Tony's English accent was deep and strong as he looked about in embarrassment. "I am going to need a bigger cart."

"Maybe they could weld two together for you." Jesse was feeling a little more confident with this giant of a man after their conversation earlier.

"Do they make stretch go-karts?" Steve indicated to one of the staff at the side of the track. "Do you have these in a bigger size?"

"How big?"

"How tall are you Tony?" Steve looked back towards his new friend.

"Ah, about six ten."

"Six Ten! I'll go check. We do have a couple of larger karts."

It took five minutes to sort out and then Jesse could see that although Tony was still a little cramped, at least he was in a kart, where he didn't have to have his knees pressed up against his eyelids. He had a feeling Tony would do much better now he could actually see.

An hour and a half later there was just Alex and Steve left. Steve, who had beaten Ron in the semi finals, had raced ahead of Jesse straight away and never looked back. Alex had triumphed over Martin, who had easily won against Tony, even with his large kart. Now they were whizzing round and round the track in a ten-lap race and everybody else was roaring themselves hoarse.

"Go on Son, keep going, he's catching up with you." Mark was yelling at the top of his voice, although neither racer could hear a word he was saying. He turned to see Martin, who had taken over the video camera when Alex hadn't been able to do it, filming the six men as they cheered and waved at the karts rushing past them. Almost everybody had taken a turn at filming the races, and Jesse had been glad that he had been able to take some of his own wedding video. 

"Go, Alex, you nearly have him, floor it." Jesse felt that if Mark was calling out so loudly for Steve then somebody ought to do the same for Alex, and it was true the young doctor was only half a kart's length away from Steve now. But the finish line came just too soon for him and Steve streaked over it the winner.

Alex had retrieved the video camera by the time the presentation ceremony took place and filmed Steve as he stood with a tiny little cup on a rostrum built for one.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Steve had said, "I can't tell you how honoured I am to be the first recipient of the Travis Trophy. I feel as if I have been waiting my whole life for just this moment. I would like to thank my mom, and my dad, the man who cleaned my kart, the lady in the ticket booth and everyone who knows me!" Then he had bowed in every direction and jumped down from the podium. As he had walked over towards his dad he had passed Alex. "And I bet you got every word of that didn't you?"

"Yes, Sir." Alex wasn't sure if he was pleased with him or mad.

"Good, it's been a great afternoon, I'm glad we have some memories to watch later."

They had all sat in the cafeteria that was part of the go-karting centre and Jesse had looked around at his friends. They were all drinking soda and Jesse lifted his glass. "Ah, Guys, I've had a great afternoon, and I would like to thank all of you for being here to make it so special, and David, what a wonderful idea, thank you."

David Walters had stood up and turned to his new friend. "It was my pleasure. I haven't had so much fun in ages. You know, I did have us down for paintball as well, but I think this is probably enough for us oldens, what do you think?"

Everybody had nodded their agreement. Now that they had all actually stopped and sat down they were feeling muscles that they didn't know they had. Steve spoke up. "Maybe it would be a good idea to head back to Jo's place and try out all those bathrooms that she has. I'm sure she won't mind, and I could sure do with a nice long soak."

Everybody had nodded their agreement once again, and an hour later Michael had been wandering happily up and down the first floor hallway quietly opening doors and laying towels on the heated rails just inside the door. He had received four very tired 'thank yous' before heading back downstairs to leave some towels and robes for the four men who had decided to use the pool instead of the bathrooms. Then he had retired to his kitchen to prepare the food for the evening meal.

_The Present Day_

Jesse pulled Rae onto the bed next to him. Eliana was fast asleep in the bouncy chair they had placed her in while they got ready to go. Neither of them was dressed and as she leant into him Rae could smell Jesse's aftershave and she leant her head onto her husband's chest. "Mmm, you smell good enough to eat." She lifted her head and kissed him gently on the lips and then began to listen as he started to talk.

"You know, Rae, it was a good thing that we didn't have a morning wedding planned, because I don't think I would have actually made it. None of us surfaced at Jo's place until just before eleven, and you were due to arrive at twelve."

"And Texas and I were up bright and early here, well, bright and early compared to you, but we carried on being laid back and relaxed just like the day before."

_Three Months Ago_

Rae had turned slightly in bed as she heard her daughter begin to stir in the nursery. She checked the clock and saw that it was just after eight. If she was very lucky Eliana would amuse herself for a little while and then fall back to sleep until nine, if she wasn't then she would be up in about five minutes. Keeping her fingers firmly crossed Rae pulled the covers up over her shoulders and shut her eyes again. The next thing she knew she heard her name being called gently beside her.

"Rae, Honey, it's time to wake up. There is a lot of pamperin' an' worryin' an' frettin' an' beautifyin' to be done before we leave for my house at twelve."

"Texas, what time is it?"

"Just after ten. I thought you would like to sleep in, on your last mornin' of freedom." She smiled as she placed a cup of tea down on the nightstand next to Rae.

"Ten o'clock, is Eliana alright, she never sleeps until ten." Rae sat up, instantly worried for her baby.

"She is just fine, she an' I have had our breakfast, she has had a bath an' is playin' with her feet in her crib right now."

"Thank you Texas, and thank you for the cup of tea, I will get up and come join you in the family room in a minute if that is all right with you."

_The Present Day_

"So what did you do with your morning? Neither of us had very long did we? I knew that you had arrived, because all of a sudden I didn't have the run of Jo's house any longer. Any time I wanted to go anywhere, somebody had to go first to make sure I wouldn't see you."

"I spent the morning doing all those vital things like washing my hair, painting my nails, making sure that I had enough bottles made up for Eliana, that she had at least three outfits in case she decided to puke up on the first one, those sort of things, and you were never in any danger of running into me because Texas wouldn't let me out of her dressing room until I was ready to walk to the altar."

_Three Months Ago_

"Texas, can I put my dress on yet?" Rae looked over at her friend, it was twenty to two in the afternoon, and Rae was hoping to get married in just twenty minutes. There was just the two of them now. Eliana was with Amanda, and she would stay with her until the service was over.

"Yes, an' then I will go an' get Alex so that he can do some filmin' in here."

Rae slid out of her bathrobe and looked at herself in the full-length mirror on one of Texas's closets. She was already in all the beautiful silk underwear that she'd purchased just the week before, and she had to admit that the exercises that she'd had to force herself to do meant that she didn't look as if she had only recently had a baby. She turned round and looked at the beautiful dress that was hanging on a hanger on the front of another closet and for a moment her mind went back to that awful day and the dress that had been hanging on the front of another closet.

Texas watched her friend as her face changed from one of relaxation and beauty to one of anxiety and fear. She moved over towards her wondering what had triggered that off, "Rae, Honey, are you ok?"

"Texas, I'm sorry," There were tears in Rae's eyes, and she tried not to let them fall and spoil her makeup but she couldn't. "Please take the dress off the door, lay it on the bed."

"But, it'll spoil if I do that." She could see that Rae was very upset and so the took the dress down and lay it across the mattress. "There it's done, what's the matter?"

"When … when he took me, and we got to his place, there was a dress for me to wear … at the wedding, and it was hanging on the closet door… I'm sorry, Texas." Rae put her head on her friends shoulder and let the tears flow.

Texas hugged her close and just let her cry for a little while. "Rae you've been through so much lately, an' been so brave about everythin', but it's understandable that somethin' might set you off today, I am so sorry about the dress, I would have made sure that somethin' else had been done with it if I'd known."

Slowly Rae began to get herself back under control and she wiped at her eyes. "I guess I had better re-do my make-up, otherwise Jesse will wonder who on earth he is marrying. Thank you, Texas, you have been such a wonderful friend, I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"Sure you could, but it wouldn't have been so much fun!" 

Rae knew that she was hoping for a smile from her friend, and was delighted not only to do that, but stick her tongue out at her too. Then she went back into the bathroom to remove all her make-up and start again.

Twenty minutes later Alex knocked at the door. "Is Rae ready for me to take some shots of her yet?"

"Another couple a minutes should do it." He could hear Jo although she sounded a little muffled, so he sat down on the seat just across the hallway and waited.

"Ok, Honey," Jo had her head up Rae's skirt, and she was trying to fiddle about without turning the dress into a dishrag. "Now if I just give it a gentle tug everything should be fine." She did just that and then emerged from under the satin and lace gown.

"That's better, thank you, Texas. You didn't screw your own dress up did you?"

"No, we are both like princesses waitin' for our princes." Jo looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a very very pale pink dress; it was almost perfectly plain, with long sleeves and a slightly flowing skirt. The only fancy details were on the cuffs, which went half way up her wrists and then carried on up in a point in line with her longest finger to about half way up her lower arms. She turned around in front of the mirror and Rae smiled at her. Jo had slept in rags and now her hair fell down in beautiful ringlets, which were held back from her face with two mother of pearl hair combs, which complimented the pink of the dress. Jo purposely had no jewellery on, except a pair of pearl earrings, which had been her present from Rae as her bridesmaid. 

Jo turned to look at Rae as she stood next to her. "Honey, you look absolutely stunning." Rae had looked in the mirror.  Her short hair had been dried over small rollers and now had more height to it than normal, and she had a tiara in it with her veil attached. Her dress was of a dark ivory satin and had straight sleeves down to the elbows but then they began to flare out until by the time you got to the wrists they hung down like big lilies. The dress was tight in at the waist and down the front but at the back it splayed out into a huge train, which trailed across the floor in a wide arc behind her. But the most spectacular part of the dress, and the part that both Jo and Rae knew would surprise her closest friends was around her throat. The dress had a plunging neckline but only a very narrow one. The satin material went up to just under Rae's ears, but was slashed from under her chin to the middle of her cleavage so that there was no pressure on her neck. Then the whole satin dress was covered with a layer of slightly darker lace. With Rae's dark hair and eyes she was a beautiful sight to behold.

"Alex, you can come in now." Rae looked at her friend, and then turned to see his reaction.

"Wow, Rae, my God, you look absolutely wonderful." Alex put the camera down on the end of the bed and moved over towards her. "Honey, I have never seen you look so beautiful." He kissed her on each cheek and then he realised about the neckline. He looked at her and she nodded. He placed a finger gently on the neck of the dress. "This is beautiful, and you are fine with this?"

"I am, surprisingly. It was such a lovely dress, and I so wanted to wear it, but I have to tell you there is another one in the closet, just in case I couldn't do it at the last minute."

Alex smiled at her again and then went and picked up his camera. After the shots he had got of the best man and the groom, he guessed this would be a little ordinary, but both ladies looked so spectacular that he knew nobody would be bored with his film.

"Ok, I have to go an' get into my position at the bottom of the stairs, I will just fall in behind you when you an' Mark go by. An' don't worry Honey, everything will be just fine, an' you look just so gorgeous." Texas kissed her best friend on the cheek, and then before any tears could fall, she left the room.

_The Present Day_

"So were you nervous? I mean when you were standing downstairs waiting for me to come and join you?" Rae and Jesse were lying on the bed, it was just after five and they knew that they should really be getting ready to go out, but the memories were so special, and they wanted to talk about them, just once more.

"Yeah, I was, but more about forgetting my lines, or stepping on your dress on the way back in afterwards than anything else. Everywhere I looked I saw friendly faces, people who loved us and just wanted the best for us, that is a wonderful thing to have happen to you."

"I know, and it wasn't the only wonderful thing to have happen was it?"

"No, it sure wasn't."

_Three Months Ago_

"Can I come in, Sweetie?"

"Sure, Mark, I guess it's time to go is it?" Rae smiled as she heard the voice of her old friend outside the door to Texas's dressing room.

"Oh, my, you look just stunning, Rae. Jesse is a very lucky man."

"So I keep telling him. I am ready right now if you are." Rae leant over and picked up her bouquet. She had gone for very simple flowers, all dark colours, as everything else was so pale. There were freesias and carnations in deep pinks and burgundy's and then lily of the valley to tie the flowers in with her dress. Mark stood in front of her and gently kissed her before taking hold of her veil and gently lifting it over her hair and down to cover her face. Then they began to walk towards the stairs together.

Rae very carefully lifted the front of her dress and they began their descent down the sweeping staircase. As they got to the bottom Mark gently touched her hand and Rae looked at him.

"Honey, I'm afraid I can't do this." Mark looked at her as he spoke.

"Mark, what, you can't do what, give me away, are you all right, do you feel ill, I can get Jesse for you." Rae was instantly concerned.

"No, Honey, it's nothing like that, it's just that I can't give you away, because there are other people who should be doing it." Mark gently turned Rae's face and to her absolute delight and astonishment she saw her two sons, John and Patrick standing by his side, both in top hat and tails waiting to walk her through to her wedding service.

"Oh, my. Oh, Mark I don't know what to say, John, Patrick. What are you doing here? How did you get here, Mara, is Mara here?"

"Here I am Mummy. Do you like my dress?" Rae had spun round again to see her daughter standing next to Jo, wearing an identical bridesmaid dress, bouncing up and down with excitement. Rae blinked back the tears, as she looked at her three children waiting to escort her through to the man she loved. 

"Do you think I could just have a few moments? I know I told Jesse I would be late, but I just need a minute to gather myself back together. Oh, my God, my children are here, all of them. Oh I can't believe it. Thank you Mark, thank you so much."

"Sweetie, all I did was stand aside." 

Rae turned then as she realised who she should be thanking. "Texas?"

"Honey, this is my weddin' present to you. You are the best friend I have ever had an' I just wanted to do somethin' special for you."

Rae held her arms out and Texas moved over and they hugged tightly, then as Texas stepped back she turned with her arms wide and her children rushed in to them and for a minute there was no sound as she just let all her love flow into them and felt it returned three times over. Then finally Rae took a deep breath. "Well, I guess we had better do this, hadn't we?"

Jo signalled to the organist waiting patiently just outside the doors into the garden, and then with John standing one side and Patrick the other Rae moved out into the sunlight. She knew that behind her Jo and Mara were walking together, and in that instant she was the happiest woman alive.

_The Present Day_

"You just looked so radiant when you walked towards me, and John and Patrick, well they were so proud. It was a great day wasn't it?"

"It sure was, and you knew about the children coming over, how ever did you keep it a secret, and my mum, she knew too. Everybody knew except me. Wonderful, it was just wonderful."

"Honey, it is almost quarter to six, we really need to be getting a move on or we will be so late it won't be worth going."

"I'm all washed, so are you, it won't take us long. Eliana's bag is ready, I'll bet that we can be in the car and on our way in ooh, fifteen minutes."

Three quarters of an hour later, Jesse finally drew out of the driveway of their home and headed towards Malibu. It was a good job that the party was open house; otherwise they would have missed almost all of it. But he knew that when most of the guests had left there would still be the most important people in the world to him sitting around talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company.

__


	7. 07 Two Months Ago

**_Two Months Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

Steve wandered into the lounge at Jo's house, he was looking for a CD that he had hidden away, but every time he tried to retrieve it Jo seemed to be around. But now he knew that Jo was in the bath and he had no problem getting all his bits and pieces together.

He had been looking forward to his dad's party for it seemed like ages. The last time that he and Jo had been together with any of their friends had been the night that Rae and Jesse had shown them the wedding video, but Amanda and Ron hadn't been able to be there, and Martin and Cheryl had both been working, so it hadn't been all of them. Steve smiled, his circle of friends had grown over the last couple of years, and there was normally at least one night each week that some of them were at Bob's when he was, his social life was much better than it used to be, and he knew that he was much more relaxed now that he had Jo in his life.

_Two Months Ago_

"Jo, that was Rae on the phone, she wanted to know if we were free tonight to go see the wedding video."

"Oh, that would be lovely, I haven't seen her since she started work again, an' you began to monopolise her time. Should I be jealous do you think?"

Steve had leant over and kissed her gently on the lips. "No, never, I have no need to look anyplace but right here for everything that I need. I hope you know that."

"Honey, d'you think I would joke about somethin' that serious if I wasn't sure what your answer would be?"

"No, I know you wouldn't joke otherwise, it's a real good feeling, and one I would really like to explore, but I told Rae we would be over in half an hour." Steve ran his fingers through her long hair. "I want to go see you in that dress again, with your hair in ringlets, you looked just beautiful, wonderful, I was so proud that it was me you were gonna be with for the rest of the day."

"Come on then, I think we had better get going. I know what happened the last time you mentioned that dress, an' it didn't include gettin' out of the house an' over to Rae's in thirty minutes!"

_The Present Day_

Steve smiled to himself. They'd had a great time that night, and laughed so much that their sides still ached the next morning. Five people so relaxed in each other's company that they were able to talk about anything and everything and know that nothing would change, except maybe they would understand each other even more than they did already. There had been one awkward moment, but it hadn't spoilt the evening. 

It had been nice, too, to be with Rae in a relaxed atmosphere. Her first two weeks back at work had been hard and he was worried about her. In fact he had sent her home one day after she had become very upset following a short lived siege at a shopping mall. 

_Two Months Ago_

Steve was just finishing his sandwich when his phone began to ring. "Lieutenant Sloan… Ok, we're on our way."

"Rae, we have a shooter in the Tower Mall, two hostages and he has taken out a security guard. Cheryl and Martin are on their way, we are too."

They had rushed out together, and into Steve's car before either of them had really had time to draw breath and ten minutes later had arrived at the scene of the incident. Rae had pulled on her kevlar vest as they had been driving and she handed Steve his as he got out of the car. They could see Martin and Cheryl crouched down behind their own vehicle, and had run round the backs of the other cars to reach them.

"Report, Detective." Steve had almost barked the words out, the tension that hung in the air affecting him immediately.

"Ok, from what we can gather the perp is about forty years old, he has a hand gun and an automatic rifle. There is one security guard down just outside the store, but he won't let anybody get near to see if he is alive or dead. There are two people in the store, one woman who works there and a customer. I think it's a robbery gone bad." Cheryl kept her eyes on the scene the whole time she was talking.

"Right. Has contact been made with this guy yet?" Steve looked round to see the communications van, which was just pulling in behind them.

"No, not yet, we shouted out to him using the megaphone but he didn't answer, well apart from filling the air with bullets that is!" Martin and Steve looked over at Rae, she looked a little nervous and they were concerned for her.

"Ok, I am gonna move back round towards our car, see if I can get a better view of him. Rae, I need you to cover me just in case." Steve had waited for a reply but had got nothing. "Rae, are you gonna cover me?"

"What, oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, Steve." They all watched as she seemed to give herself a shake and then she drew her gun and turned to follow her partner back the way they had come.

Once Rae and Steve had been securely positioned behind his car, Steve had taken mental stock of his situation and he could see that he should get almost all the way to the store without actually being in the line of fire. The most dangerous parts were first of all as he left the safety offered by the parked cars, and then when he would have to cross the walkway to the relative safety of the wall next to the store. He turned to Rae and outlined his plan.

"…Ok, do you understand what I am gonna do?"

"Of course, I know I have been off for a while, but I can follow basic instructions, Lieutenant." 

The venom in her voice had surprised Steve, but he had let it go. "Right, cover me. Here I go."

Steve had got across from the cars to the cover of the trees along the edge of the parking lot without any trouble, and Rae had moved quietly and quickly behind him to make sure that he was in no danger. Together they had moved along the grass bank with Steve silently thanking whichever designer it had been who had insisted on greenery and plant life in their work.

When they had arrived at the end of the vegetation Steve had motioned her to stop. They had crouched down once again and conversed together. Rae had then got into position, her eyes fixed firmly on the perp who she could see through the double doors of the store. 

Just as he thought he was going to make it to the safety of the wall without being seen a bullet had whizzed by his head, and he had heard Rae call out.

"Police, freeze. Drop your weapons or I'll fire."

She had seen him push a hostage to one side to get a better view of her and as the man had shot in her direction Rae had fired off three bullets.

By the time Steve had checked on the state of the hostages and the hostage taker Rae had moved back over toward the car, and he saw her in the unmistakable position of someone who was being sick.

"Rae?" Steve placed his hand on her back and was shocked by her expression as she wiped her arm across her face and turned to him. She wasn't crying, but it was clear that she was using every ounce of self-will she had to stop the tears from falling, her face was almost white and she was shaking. "Rae, it's over. The guy is dead, so is the security guard unfortunately, but the two hostages are safe. Thanks to you they are safe."

"Yeah. I guess so. Is there somewhere I can get a drink of water?" Rae looked around, not really listening to her partner. 

"I have a bottle in the car, hold on." Steve had moved quickly to his trunk and pulled out his gym bag, inside, along with his kit, was a bottle of fresh water. He handed it over and without another word Rae had swirled her mouth out and then spat in the gutter, then she had drunk almost all of the rest straight down. She seemed to pull herself together a little then.

"Thanks, Steve. Sorry about that." She had straightened herself up, and begun to walk over to where her victim lay. Steve could see that she was still shaking, but he let her go, watching her every move as he did so.

_The Present Day_

Steve shook his head, he had thought that she would be alright, but when they had got back to the precinct he had seen her sit at her desk and she seemed to just move away from them. He had spoken to her three times about starting her report before she had even seemed to realised that he was there, and in the end, when he had noticed that she only had an hour left on her shift and she still hadn't written anything he had sent her home. Then he had called Jesse to let him know what had happened. He had the day off and was at home, which had made Steve feel a little more confident for his partner.

By the time they had met up for the video evening, Rae was fine again, she'd written her report at home and the case was over, almost before it had begun, but Steve was still worried about her reaction to it. She had done everything that was expected of her, but there was something about it all that concerned him.

"Hey, penny for them." Jo had come up behind him without him even realising that she was out of the bath. He hid the CD in his jeans wishing they weren't quite so tight as he did so.

"I was just thinking about the video night we had at Rae and Jesse's. I can't remember the last time we all laughed so much."

"Yeah, it was a fun night wasn't it? But you looked real serious for somebody thinkin' about nice things."

"I did have other things on my mind, but just work things. They aren't important. Especially now that you are with me." 

"Well, I am going back upstairs to get ready for the party, but I just wanted you to know that the bathroom is free if you need it."

"Oh, you did, did you, Jo, you have five bathrooms! Is that really the reason you came down?"

"No, but I will leave you to your meanderin's an' carry on gettin' ready."

Steve breathed a sigh of relief as she went back towards the stairs. His memories were getting in the way of what he wanted to do. He headed out towards the pool, intent on finishing what he had started, he knew it wouldn't take long to organise, and maybe because of this his mind began to wander again almost immediately.

_Two Months Ago_

Steve and Jo had parked on the driveway of Rae and Jesse's house and the door was open before they were out of the car.  Jesse had been standing smiling in the entranceway. "Hey, nobody ever has to wait on the doorstep in this street, everybody always knows who is coming before they are in sight. Works for me every time."

Steve had handed over two bottles of wine to Jesse and they had followed him into the house. "We are in the lounge, if you want to go through I'll get some glasses."

Jesse went happily into the kitchen, and Steve watched through the door as he opened one of the cupboards; Jesse reached up to the top shelf and took down five wine glasses smiling to himself all the time. "I just love these shelves." It only took him a minute and as he moved back out into the hallway he nearly dropped the lot when Steve was still standing there with Jo waiting for him.

"Steve? Is there a problem, did you want to talk to me?" Jesse's smile was gone in an instant.

"No, Jess, we just didn't want to go into the wrong room. Where is the lounge?"

"Did I call it a lounge? Sorry, that's Rae, she calls it that. Straight ahead of you, the living room. Sorry guys."

Rae was sat in a reclining chair, which had been their wedding present from Tony. Alex was also in the room, and he was just putting the tape in the machine. Rae smiled at her partner and best friend. She stood up, her daughter in her arms. "I guess you want to have her?" Eliana was already grinning in her gummy happy way at her Uncle Steve, and Rae could tell that he was just itching to take a hold of her.

"Yeah… if you don't mind…Yeah." Steve held out his large, safe hands and took the tiny child into them. She was five months old now, but she was still small, Rae had told him that she was about the size that she would have been if she had been born on time, so he guessed that this was what a three-month-old baby looked like.

Jesse came back in and sat sideways on the recliner with Rae next to him. Rae looked at him and Steve and Jo saw him nod at her.

"Before we start watching the video, which you are just gonna love, we've had a sneak peek, haven't seen it all, we want to ask the three of you a question. Alex, could you come over here?"

The young man stood up and moved back into the heart of the room. "Yeah, what is it Rae?"

"You are all very important to us, Steve, you're my partner, and Jesse's best friend, I trust you with my life, I always have done, from the day I arrived here, and you have never let me down. Texas, you brought me back from the brink of despair, when I was unable to live my life properly. You helped me to regain my ability to talk, to think, I have my life because of you." Rae had stopped then and they could all see her wipe a tear from her eyes. "Alex, you brought our daughter into the world, she is alive because of you, there are no words that can express how I feel about that, how we feel about that. You made our lives complete." Rae stopped speaking then and turned to Jesse.

"Guys, we would like the three of you to be god parents to Eliana."

Rae and Jesse smiled at each other as they watched the reactions of their friends. Both Alex and Jo, Steve could tell, were as surprised and delighted by what they had just heard as he was.

"Yes, Rae, thank you, I would be honoured." It was Alex who spoke first. "She was the first baby that I delivered for my own patient, I will treat her as I would my own for always." He moved over and shook Jesse's hand, and then kissed Rae on the cheek, then he moved over to Steve, and gently he placed another kiss on Eliana's forehead. He was rewarded by a tiny burp and the happy grin that went with it.

Steve and Jo were sitting smiling at their two best friends. "Honey, I guess you know that we are both just so flattered by what you have asked us to do. There is no chance in the world that Steve is gonna turn this down, an' neither am I."

Rae stood this time and went over and hugged and then kissed her friend, and then crouched down in front of her partner. "Thank you, Steve, I know that if anything happens to either Jesse or me, you will make sure that Eliana is safe, you, Alex and Texas." She leant forward over her happy child and kissed him gently.

"Ok," Jesse broke the spell that their words had put them all under. "I think we have a video to watch."

Alex had got up and moved over to the television. He turned the set on and then picked up the remote for the video and came back and sat on the sofa. The screen flickered and then a pink hazy cloud filled the screen.

"Hey, Alex, you are good at this, how did you do that?" Steve was impressed with what he was seeing.

"I got my friend Mike to help me out. He worked on _Space Jam_ y'know!" Alex smiled, "I knew you'd like the start."

The cloud turned into letters and slowly they could read _Reagan Susan Yeager and Jesse Travis Invite you to relive their Wedding._

The cloudy letters disappeared and the concourse at LAX appeared. Rae and Jo began to laugh when they saw Steve straighten up as David moved across towards them. They had seen this part of the film before, but it still made them laugh. And then when Tony had arrived and both David and Steve had done it they laughed even more.

"You know, if you look at this film I was the only one who didn't feel the need to straighten up." As Jesse spoke he sat a little straighter, and then looked confused as everybody laughed at him.

"Yeah, well that was because there was no hope of you getting above his knees anyway!"

"Ha, ha." Jesse had stuck his tongue out at Steve and Rae had laughed too. 

"Did you do that before you knew me?"

"Nope, neither did anybody else I know, but I've seen Steve do it, and I think Jo too."

"Ooh, look, we are on to the bachelor party now." Jo turned back to the screen.

They had watched the video happily enjoying each other's company and complimenting Alex on his filming until they got to the day of the wedding.

John, Patrick and Mara appeared on the screen next.  Mara was rushing down the hallway towards Alex, her dark hair up in huge rollers, and one of Jo's facemasks covering her lovely features. The location changed and they could see John and Patrick in the pool, both boys were water babies, and could be seen jumping in, diving and playing as well as swimming up and down.

The scene changed again, and for a while they watched different guests as they arrived, and were greeted, first by Steve and Jo and then by Amanda and Ron. They saw CJ and Dion as they posed proudly in their little tuxes, Cheryl looking stunning in a golden coloured dress, and Brian Dobson, with Helen on his arm as they stood chatting with Amanda.  Alex looked at Rae, Steve knew why now, they knew what was coming, but they had managed to keep quiet about it. The door to Jo's bedroom was in shot and then the scene in front of them reduced them all to helpless laughter.

Steve and Jesse were waddling around the room in their wedding suits, quacking and laughing until in the end they could continue no longer and had collapsed onto the bed.

The laughing suddenly made Eliana begin to cry, and Rae, who had seen this part before, wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and went over and took her daughter from her partner who was almost helpless on the floor.

"Shhh, baby, it's all right, let's put you to bed shall we?" She had headed down the hallway and was gently rocking the crib back and forth when Steve came and found her.

"Rae, are you all right?" Steve placed his hand on her arm and she turned to him.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Leave it tonight." Rae had known exactly what he was meaning, but he realised that she couldn't talk about it.

"Rae, look at me." Steve had no intention of leaving it. She was due back into the station in the morning; he needed it cleared up, now.

"I need to know that you can cope with every situation that is thrown at you. Not just as it happens but afterwards as well."

"Oh, and you can do that can you, Lieutenant? You were perfectly calm and rational when they took Texas then were you? Followed the letter of the law?"

"Rae, that's different."

"The hell it is. I killed a man, again. The first time I did that I almost passed out and I was sick. This time I was just sick. So maybe, I am getting better at being a murderer. Destroying lives obviously doesn't affect me quite so much any more." Rae's voice had risen to a shout and Eliana began to cry again. "I said now was not the time, Lieutenant, go back and watch your film. I will be back in a minute, and as far as the others are concerned this conversation didn't take place. I won't spoil the evening. But you are way out of line mentioning it now." Rae turned back to the crib then, and began to gently rock her baby, trying to get her to go back off to sleep.

Steve had walked back to the lounge, his hands in the tight fists that he had for so long been unable to make. He sat down on the sofa and watched as he saw Jo standing in the gardens after the wedding ceremony, he began to relax as he watched her moving happily among the guests, she had looked so beautiful that day, and then his pride rose as he saw her move over to him and kiss him gently but passionately.

"You know you just looked so handsome in your top hat an' tails. Jesse an' Alex too. It sure does do somethin' for a man."

"Yeah, it turns them into penguins that quack." Rae came back into the room, and if Steve hadn't known better he wouldn't have been aware that just five minutes before she had been absolutely furious with him.

The rest of the evening had passed off pleasantly. The video had been watched and enjoyed, and they had rewound it and laughed at the penguins twice more before Steve, Jo and Alex had made a move for home. Steve had walked back to his new goddaughter's room and peeked inside. He could see a red light flashing by the side of the crib and he turned to Jesse who was standing beside him. 

"What's that flashing light?"

"It shows that she's breathing. Because she was so small, and Rae was so scared that something was gonna happen to her we bought an alarm that sounds if she stops breathing for twenty seconds."

"I think that would worry me more than not knowing. Has it gone off yet?" Steve looked back at the light, he had a feeling he would spend each evening just standing in the doorway watching it blink at him.

"Yeah, once, but that was because the battery was low. Come on Buddy, I think Jo is waiting to go home, and we all have early shifts tomorrow."

The two friends had returned to the front hallway, neither of them knowing that life was about to take a downward turn.

_The Present Day_

Steve was almost set up for his special evening. They were due at his dad's in about two hours, Jo had decided to have a pampering afternoon, and after she had popped down once she was out of the bath they had left each other in peace. He found comfort in just knowing that she was in the same house as he was, and he guessed that their relationship must have moved to a new level, because he didn't need to be with her every waking second to feel secure in her love and presence in his life. He knew that she would be about another hour, so grabbing himself a soda from the kitchen he sat by the pool and let his thoughts wander back off again. This time though he knew that the memories wouldn't be quite so pleasant. He and Cheryl had been talking about them just a few days ago. They were both worried about Rae, and as they had talked Steve had realised how things were beginning to mount up for her again.

_Six Weeks Ago_

Steve and Rae had worked quietly for about two weeks before life began to get really hectic again. Well quiet for them that was. 

Bernice Levington had been tried and convicted for two murders that had been unsolved for over five years. The bullet that they had taken out of Steve matched up to the bullets taken from the bodies of two young women who had been killed just over a year apart. There had never been any clues as to why they'd been murdered, but now they knew. Phillip Levington had targeted each woman and his mama hadn't liked either one. So she had silenced them. Both Rae and Steve had given evidence at her trial, and the Reverend Levington would never be free to hurt anybody again.

The website that Levington had set up with Rae's pictures on it had completely slipped Steve's mind until one afternoon when a cop from vice had come up to see them.

"Hey, which one of you is Detective Yeager?" The plain-clothes detective had looked around the room, and as Rae and Cheryl were the only two women there his eyes had stayed with them, although it soon became clear he knew exactly who he was looking for.

"I am, why who wants to know?" Rae looked up at the man in front of her, immediately on the defensive. There was something about him that she didn't like.

"Hi, Detective Neil Crosier, Vice. I need to have a word with you about this." He had dropped two photos on Rae's desk and she had felt all the blood drain out of her face.

"My God, where did you get these from?"

"There's a web site full of 'em, me and the guys had a real fun morning. We just thought you should know."

"What? What's the address for it?"

Rae had headed over to the computer and logged on to the Internet. She typed in the address she was given and looked in disbelief at what she was seeing. "Oh." Rae had no idea what to say. She could see all the details of her capture in front of her on the screen, photos showing her tied up to the bed, and worse. She could see Levington doing things to her that should never happen to anybody, and it was all here, available on the web for anybody who happened to type in the address she had been given.

Steve had been in the Captain's office, reporting on a suicide that they had picked up the day before. As he walked back towards his desk he saw a figure he recognised and disliked.

"Crosier, what brings you up from the slime of vice to visit homicide?"

"Oh nothing much Stevie, nothing much, just letting your partner see how she's being splashed across the net. Well, my work here is done, I guess I'll leave you to it."

"Hold on a minute, how do I get this site closed?" Rae was on her feet moving across to cut off the Vice Detective's exit.  "Can I just get an injunction out to get it shut down? The guy is dead. Nobody will be paying for the space it is taking up. I want this done and I want it done today."

"Steady, Detective, you don't want to deprive the male population of LA of such a wonderful si…" Crosier couldn't continue with his offensive speech because Rae had him across the room and up against the wall.

"I will send your brains across the squad room if you don't apologise for what you just said and get rid of that… that … filth now."

Rae let go of the man's jacket and turned from him. Steve saw her take her hand off her gun. He hoped nobody else had realised that she had been holding it as she threatened the vice officer. He was getting seriously worried about how she was reacting to things, and moved over to her as he watched Crosier leave the room, without another word.

"Rae. I think we need to talk."

"Steve. Did you know about that … that site?" Rae moved back over to the computer where the images of herself were still visible. She sat back down, and with an almost morbid fascination began to click on the various headings. She looked at it for about five minutes in total silence before Steve leant across her and just turned the whole machine off.

"That's enough, Detective. Leave it. I think we could do with some lunch. Cheryl, Rae and I are going to Bob's. We'll be back in about an hour."

"Ok, Steve." Cheryl watched them leave the room. She knew that she should have intervened with Rae, but she also knew that Steve would get a better response. They were friends, but she had known all along about the website, and hadn't checked to make sure it wasn't still running. Cheryl slammed her fist into the desk and went to get a drink. Maybe a coffee would calm her anger some. The guy had been dead for eight months and still he was causing trouble.

**_Three Weeks Ago & The Present Day_**

****

_The Present Day_

Steve looked down at the soda can in his hand. As he had been thinking and getting more and more angry he had crushed the can in his fist. Now it was little more than a ball of recyclable metal. Sighing he put it down on the table. It seemed to him that all he and Rae did these days was talk things over. But it appeared to help her, and if that were the case then he would continue to do it. The lunch at Bob's hadn't solved any of her problems, but the site had been shut down two days later, and that had seemed to do the trick. But then they had been called to a murder site that had brought old memories to the surface once again for Rae, and this time, it had taken Brian Dobson to sort her out. Steve had tried to find out Rae's feelings about the things that had happened, and he guessed that in a way he had been successful. He now knew what had happened when she had received the call, but he was pretty sure that she didn't understand her feelings herself yet, and so once again he was glad she had Brian in the background.

_Three Weeks Ago_

"Detective Yeager…" Rae's phone had rung in the middle of the night. She heard Jesse groan and turn over, and she listened to see if it had disturbed Eliana. The house was silent as she listened to the dispatch operator on the other end of the line. She put the phone back on its cradle and gently touched Jesse on the shoulder. "Honey, I have to go. Steve and I are on call this week, and that, as you might have guessed, was a call. I'll see you tomorrow night, ok?"

"Mmm, what, oh, yeah, I guess I'll have to take Eliana to the sitter then?"

"Would you? If I'm not gonna be finished by six I'll get Texas to pick her up." Rae leant over and kissed her husband on the lips and then slid out of bed.

Thirty minutes later Rae and Steve were standing outside a small neat trailer, it had a little bit of grass round it, and was one of about fifty on a private site just off PCH. 

"Did they tell you who the victim was, Rae?" Steve looked anxiously at his partner. They both knew the man who now lay dead inside his home and he wasn't sure how she would react.

"No. Why, did they tell you?"

"Yeah, Rae, it's Lee Tennant."

"Oh, my. I was in the hospital just today" Rae checked her watch, the silver bangle winking in the artificial light, "Sorry, yesterday, and I spoke to him in the canteen. He was so much more positive about his life. Oh, Steve, that's terrible." Rae turned slightly away and Steve could tell that she was remembering the first time they had encountered the man whose death they were now to investigate. His son had been murdered during the first case Rae had worked on in LA. It had almost been her last as the murderer had tried to kill her, strangle her, in order to save herself. Steve knew that Rae still had nightmares about it, normally when she was stressed, but most of the time they merged into what Levington had done to her. Now he wasn't sure if she could even enter this man's home.

"Rae, we have to go inside. Are you up to this?"

She had nodded. "Yeah, I have to be, don't I?" She had moved away from him and he had watched as she had gone up the steps with a determination that she probably didn't feel.

Amanda was inside and she moved over towards Rae, her smile showing how pleased she was to see another friendly face.

"Hey, Rae, Steve. I think you know this guy don't you? The name rings a bell with me, and I'm sure it's because of you two."

"Yeah, we know him. Leticia Howard murdered his son." Rae's voice was grim as she spoke.

Amanda's smile had vanished. "Oh. Rae, are you alright with this?"

"YES! For goodness sake, why is everybody treating me as if I should be wrapped in either cotton wool or a straight jacket? Let's get on with it."

"Rae, that's enough. It was just friendly concern." Steve placed one hand on each of Rae's arms and looked down at her.__

"Amanda, I'm sorry. What can you tell us?"

Her friend looked a little shocked, but she managed another smile. "That's ok. He was stabbed, through the heart, I would say by somebody who knew what they were doing, and also by somebody left-handed. Apart from that I can't really help you. There was no murder weapon found, and no prints yet. I would also say that he has been dead about two hours, but I could be wrong about that, it was very warm when I got here."

"Ok, Amanda, thanks. We'll come by about lunchtime for the full report." Steve moved into the heart of the trailer, pulling on his gloves as he went. He looked around. Lee Tennant didn't seem to have much to leave behind. There were no books visible, a couple of motor magazines, a laundry basket with a set of dirty catering whites dumped in it and a bill from his telephone company. Steve began to look through the drawers in the living area as Rae walked through to the bedroom beyond.

The room was almost bed sized. The bed was made; there was a dressing table of sorts at the end of it, which had a comb on it, a pair of dirty socks and yesterday's paper. The two drawers underneath it had underwear and socks in them. Rae rummaged around in them for a moment but they contained just what they were supposed to.  She moved over towards the closet and opened it. Inside were two pairs of jeans, a checked shirt and a plain white one. Two pairs of shoes and leaning up into the corner of the closet a rifle. "Steve, in here." She moved back.

"There's a gun in the closet. I haven't found anything else yet. You know he didn't have much to show for his life did he?" Rae looked at the shelf above the bed. There was hardly room for a nightstand. On it was an alarm clock and a picture of his son, Terry.

"No, not much. What a waste of a life. He seemed a nice guy, but I guess his world just fell apart after his son was killed."

"Yeah, well I can understand that. My life wasn't so hot there for a while either."

 They moved back out into the main part of the trailer. Amanda was just straightening up, she had her hands in the small of her back as she stretched herself slightly. "There doesn't seem to be much more I can do here tonight. I will see you both tomorrow, ok?"

Rae moved over towards her. "Amanda, I'm sorry I shouted at you. Please forgive me."

"Of course I do. I'm not surprised that this affected you. Don't worry about it any more." Amanda smiled at her and placed her hand on her shoulder for a second. Then she turned away and picked up her bag.

It had taken them another hour to search the whole place, and then they had driven back to the precinct, to begin their investigation. Two uniformed officers had been assigned the door-to-door enquiries around the park and they would report back to either detective as soon as possible.

Rae had made herself an herbal tea and a coffee for her partner and moved back over to her desk. As she did so they saw one of the officers come into the room, and motioned him over.

"Hi, what did you get?" Rae sat down as she asked her question.

"Not a great deal, but we do have a sighting, a confirmed sighting of a suspect who was seen going into the victim's home about the time of the murder, although I don't think that we can get a photo fit from it. But no murder weapon, or bloody trail nothing like that." The young man had smiled as he spoke.

"Ok, Officer…" Rae looked at his name badge. "Simmonds, lets hear the description."

"Well, the suspect was definitely a woman, a youngish woman, maybe early to mid thirties, she was short, no more than about five two, maybe five three, and she had dark brown hair."

"Where were you this evening Rae, that could be you!" Steve regretted the words the moment he spoke them.

"Oh, thank you. I suppose you think that's funny." She took a long drink from her mug before talking once again. "Can you get your report typed up and on my desk as soon as possible please Simmonds, and thank your fellow officers for their work tonight." She watched the officer turn and walk away, and as she put her mug down on the desk Steve saw that her hands were shaking.

Steve had worked with Rae all morning and into the early afternoon on the Tennant case. He had seen her make a private phone call at about ten in the morning, and just after two she came over to him.

"Steve, I have to go now… I have made an appointment to see Brian."

He had been instantly concerned about her and had stood up and moved round his desk so that he could stand next to her. "Rae, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I just need to talk to somebody. My mind is just bursting with memories and I feel like I am gonna go nuts if I don't let them out. I'll see Brian and then go home. I'll be back for my shift in the morning."

Steve watched her go, then with a sigh he had returned to the paperwork, which was threatening to take over his desk, and begun to try to get it in order.

The Present Day 

As Rae and Jesse drove along in the car Rae found her thoughts returning to her last meeting with Brian, probably because she knew that she would see him at Mark's in a little while.  The case involving Lee Tennant had affected her more than she had realised at the start, and following on from that business with the web site, she sighed, sometimes she wished her life could be a little less complicated.

_Three Weeks Ago_

Rae had been a little early for her appointment and so she had sat and chatted to Helen for just over twenty minutes. The fifth floor hallway had seemed extra busy, and nurses and doctors were going back and forth continually, along with the normal steady stream of patients. Finally the door had opened and a young man had come out and away without a word or a glance at anybody around him. Brian had come over and smiled at Rae, and then with an indication of his hand shown her into the familiar surroundings of his room.

"Rae, what can I do for you today? We weren't scheduled to see each other for another week." 

Rae looked at the man across the table from her. She had never really stopped to take in his appearance before. He was a tall man, not as tall as Steve, probably about six feet. He had dark hair, a little thinning on top, and glasses. She guessed that he was probably about the same age as Jesse, but he had the sort of face that it was almost impossible to put an age to.

"Rae?"

"I'm sorry, Brian. Why have I come? Because I needed to let some memories out, and you seemed the best person to come to."

"I see, not the Lieutenant then?"

Rae had smiled at him. "No, not the Lieutenant, I would rather he didn't take me off the case we are working on, and if he listened to what I have to say he might just do that."

"I see, and what if I come to that decision, that you aren't fit enough to work, how would you feel about telling me things in the future?"

Rae had thought for a moment, but it was an easy decision. "I would still tell you things, I trust you to help me."

"Ok, then, so what has happened today, I presume it's today, to make you feel you needed to see me so quickly."

"Lee Tennant was murdered last night." Rae just looked over the desk at Brian. She knew that he would have a good idea who she was talking about. 

"Lee Tennant," there was a pause. "He works, used to work in the canteen here… Leticia Howard killed his son… Yes I can see how that might affect you. Does it make you look back in time?"

"I suppose so. But it is almost as if the past has joined up with the present. I don't think I have truly accepted what happened to me at the end of that case, and … Levington he knew my weakness and he used it against me … and …" Rae stood up and moved across to the window. She had no idea how to put her fears into words.

"Rae, look at me. You don't have to sit down, but I would rather that you actually made eye contact with me." Brian didn't move from his seat, but his voice was full of authority and Rae knew that she couldn't do anything but turn back to him.

"Why do you feel that your neck is a weakness?"

"Why? Why? Because it is. All anybody has to do is touch me on my neck and I am a wreck. That, that man only had to hold up a silk scarf and he knew that I would give and let him do anything that he wanted to do. I just couldn't fight back. You don't think that is a weakness?" Rae brushed at angry tears, she would not cry. One escaped and ran down her cheek. "Damn. I never used to cry in London."

"How do you feel when you see other people wearing scarves? They are a fashion accessory you must see people with them on all the time."

"They make me feel uneasy, but I can ignore them." Rae had moved back across the room and she was sitting back in front of Brian now.

"Ok. And if I had one in my hand right now?" Brian lifted his arm and Rae could see what looked like a chiffon scarf hanging over his hand. She stood up, and the chair she had been sitting in fell backwards with a crash. 

"No. No, don't, please, Brian, don't. Put it away." Instantly she was shaking and panic stricken. Rae knew that she needed to get away from this man with the scarf, and she began to move back from him, looking wildly around her, as she got closer to the door.

"Rae. Rae, it's gone. Look at me, Rae. It wasn't a scarf; it was my handkerchief. Rae look at me." Brian was right next to her now, and had both his hands held out in front of him.

Rae stared for a moment at the material poking out of Brian's top pocket, and then she had buried her face in her own hands and feeling the wall behind her sank to the ground. "Why did you do that? How could you do that to me?"

Brian got down on the floor and sat next to his patient. "Because I needed to see how you reacted, so that I could see just how much they affect you. Rae look at me and listen. Leticia Howard tried to strangle you because she thought it was the only way to save herself from going to jail. Phillip Levington used the same tactics because not only was he deranged, but also he knew that it would reduce you to a helpless victim. But you are not a victim any more. Nobody else has any reason to hate you, or to cause you harm. I am not suggesting that you will be able to wear a scarf, but you have got to pull yourself together and stop letting it rule your life."

"Yes, Sir, I know. So why is it that instead of wanting to go and find the killer of Lee Tennant I just keep returning to what happened to me?" Rae was still huddled on the floor, but she was no longer shaking.

"Because you are getting obsessed with it. Rae, have you ever written down what happened? How it appeared to you?"

"No, no I haven't. Do you think that might help?" Rae was looking at him her face full of interest now.

"Yes, yes I do. I tell you what, I think that you should find some quiet time between now and next week and begin to write down your account of what Leticia Howard did to you, and how it has affected your life since. Then when you come to me I want you to bring it with you and we will go through it and see if we can put the memories to the back of your mind where they belong."

Brian had held his hand out then and pulled her to her feet. "So, how is that baby of yours. You know I still haven't seen her yet. Maybe you could bring her with you next time."

Rae rewarded him with a big smile. "Of course, I would love you to see her. I will do that, I will bring her with me."

Rae had left his office, and checking her watch had headed towards Eliana's sitter. She had been to see five people before she had decided on Sally. As soon as Rae had begun to talk to her she knew that this was the lady she would happily entrust her child to. She was a friendly, happy family lady, she had two grown up sons, and Rae had felt at ease with her immediately.

Rae pressed the doorbell and waited. There was the sound of singing coming from inside, and then Rae could see the shadow of a person moving towards her through the glass. The door opened, and immediately Rae could see Eliana getting very excited in Sally's arms. 

"Mamamamadadada."

"Hey, Sweetie, Hi Sally, how are you?"

"I'm fine, come on in, don't stand on the step." The two women walked into the house, Rae now holding her daughter in her arms.

"How has she been today?"

"She has been fine, no problems, well, apart from those teeth, but I think that the weekend should see the end of that. They are nearly through. Two at once, poor little thing." 

Eliana had the bright red cheek, which showed anybody that she was teething. Rae opened her purse and paid for the week's care. "Thank you, Sally, the week starts Tuesday next time, is that ok?"

"Sure, you know that. I understand about the shifts that you and Jesse have to work. I don't have a problem with it, and she is just such an angel while she is here, that it is a pleasure to have her."

Rae walked back down the path, her ears still ringing with the praise from her sitter. In London she would have found a childminder, and this was the same as that. She had often wondered when she had been pregnant with Mara whether she would be able to give up her career and stay home with the baby. She hadn't been able to then, and even with everything that had happened she didn't think she could do it now.

_The Present Day_

Rae sighed and tried to get her mind off the past and into the present. They would have a great time at Mark's and maybe it would be another start at getting life back to normal. She leant down to get her bag and realised that she had left it on the kitchen counter. "Jess, we have to go back, I left my purse at home."

"Rae, we will be the last people to arrive at this rate." Jesse slowed right down, and indicating right, began to work out the quickest route back to the house.

_The Present Day_

Steve went back into the house. He was glad that Rae had told him about her visit with Eliana's carer. He had wondered whether she would rather be at home, but he had been able to tell as she spoke to him that she was happier working, even with all the problems that it entailed.

Jo was just coming out of the bedroom as Steve rounded the corner from the stairs. "Hey, sugar, I was just comin' to look for you, an' there you were, waitin' for me. Are you going to get ready for your daddy's party?"

"Yeah, I am, do you want to come and talk to me while I have my shower?"

"No, I am going to go an' call Mark, just to make sure that there isn't anythin' that we can pick up on the way over. I'll come back up when I have finished."

Steve didn't take long in the shower, and in just under ten minutes he was on his way back down the stairs. He saw Jo come out of the living room and moved over to her.

"Hi, listen, before we go, will you come with me?"

"Yeah, sure, what's the problem?"

"Nothing, I just have something I want to show you." Steve took her by the hand and moved her gently out towards the pool. 

As Jo walked out she looked in amazement. There seemed to be a beach by the side of the water, and she could hear music playing in the background. The sun was just beginning to go down, and as she continued to look around Jo spotted a bouquet of beautiful dark red roses lying on the table on the patio.__

"Steve, Honey, what is all this?" She moved across to the roses and picked them up. There was a card resting in the leaves and she gently extricated it from where it lay. As she read it she smiled, _I'm sorry that I couldn't arrange the Caribbean beaches, the string quartet and the moonlight but_ _this is the closest I could get, please turn around, slowly_ and doing as she was told found Steve standing right behind her. 

"Jo, you have made my life complete, I can't imagine existing without you." As he spoke Steve went down on one knee. "Jo, will you marry me?"

"Oh, my, Steve, darlin' of course I will." Jo put the roses back on the table and then she pulled him to his feet, moved him closer to her, and began to kiss him passionately. She felt his hands go through her hair, and for a moment the rest of the world ceased to exist, then gently he pulled away from her.

"Would you like your ring?"

Jo just nodded and watched as a beautiful solitaire diamond ring was slipped onto her finger, it was a little tight, but nothing she couldn't live with. "I don't know what to say, thank you, Steve. I just love you so much."

"You don't have to say anything, and as much as I would like to stay here with you, we need to go to the beach house."

_The Present Day_

Amanda, Ron, CJ and Dion were among the first evening guests to arrive. There were a few familiar faces from the hospital already chatting, or getting food from the barbeque. The boys rushed out of the house, down the deck stairs and onto the beach. There was about an hour of daylight left and they planned to use every minute of it. They had looked around for Uncle Steve, or Uncle Jesse, but neither of them seemed to be there. Dion had come back up the stairs and taking Ron by the hand had pulled him along with them.

Amanda moved over to where Mark was getting himself a soft drink. "Hi, Mark, how are you?"

"Not too bad, Sweetie, I've had a nice day, but all the important people seem to be coming in the evening, so I guess the best is yet to come. What about you, are you ok?"

"Oh, I'm alright, I'm a bit worried about Rae though. Maybe later could I have a word with you?"

"Of course, I was thinking that if you wanted the boys could sleep in Steve's apartment and you and Ron could stay here, then you could wait and chat at the end of the party, just like we used to do."

"That would be great, thank you, Mark, excuse me." Amanda saw one of her friends from the hospital and moved across for a chat. She heard the doorbell as she went and saw Mark head towards the sound.

"Alex, hi, thanks for coming." Mark took the bottle of wine that his young friend offered him.

"Hey, no problem, thanks for inviting me. Wow, there are lots of people here. I was worried I might be late, am I the last?"

"No, there are still people to come, although as you said there are already lots here, aren't there? You know Ron is out on the beach with CJ and Dion, I think he may be able to do with a bit of rescuing about now."

Alex laughed and headed over towards the deck, acknowledging people as he went. Mark watched and smiled. He was a popular young man, and it amused him to see that most of the people who spoke to him were young, single and female.

As he turned to go back into the house he heard another tap on the door and saw Rae and Jesse waiting to come in. Jesse had Eliana in his arms, and Rae seemed to be laden down with every baby caring contraption known to man.

"Mark, how are you? It seems so long since I saw you. I am sorry we are so late, I forgot my purse, we had to go back." Rae managed to free a hand from all her necessities and squeezed his arm. Then she leant over and kissed him on the cheek.

Mark kissed her back and then turned to Jesse, "Hi, Dad, and how is your little lady?"

"She is just fine Mark, just fine, she has two teeth, and she can say mama and dada, normally at the same time." Jesse was beaming as he spoke.

"Oh, that's just great, well come on, don't stand in the hall, go mingle."

"Ok, Mark could you just hold Eliana for a moment, so I can go and get the buggy out of the car."

"Of course, come here, Sweetie."

Rae and Jesse were having a pleasant evening chatting with all their friends, and people that Rae in particular hadn't seen in ages. Eliana had just sat in her buggy enjoying all the activity around her; only making her presence felt when it was time for her to eat. They had been there about half an hour when Steve and Jo had arrived, and Steve had gone straight over and looking round for permission had taken the child out of her seat and then found a place where they could both sit and watch the world go by.

Rae was just moving over to see Texas when her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. "Hello? Tony is that you…? Of course, that's no problem. I'll call you tomorrow and sort out all the details… Yeah, we're at a party at Mark's… Ok, bye love."

Rae carried on over to where Texas was standing, and by the time she got there she knew that something had happened. "Texas, you are glowing, girl…" Rae looked down. "Oh, my God. He asked you, didn't he? He asked you!"

"Shhh, Mark doesn't know yet, we are gonna tell him when most people have gone. You will still be here won't you?"

"Well we will now. Eliana will sleep anywhere, so we'll just stay until the end." Rae leant over and kissed her friend on the cheek. "I can't tell you how pleased I am. I'll be right back." Rae moved over then and headed over to where she could see Steve sitting with her little girl.

"Rae, your daughter bit me!" He held out one of his fingers, and Rae could see tiny teeth marks on it. She held back her laughter as she kissed him on the cheek. "I just saw Texas's ring. Oh, Steve, I am just so happy for both of you." She kissed him again and gently so that she didn't squash her daughter she hugged him.

It was past midnight before the last of the guests left, and Mark surveyed his house. It looked as if a small tornado had gone through it. Then he shrugged his shoulders and decided to ignore it until the morning.

Rae and Jesse were sitting cuddled up together in one corner of the sofa, with Eliana fast asleep in the buggy beside them. Ron and Amanda were also sitting together, although not quite as close, Alex was sprawled in an easy chair, his long legs taking up half the room, and Jo and Steve were talking quietly together by the doors to the deck. Mark came back into the centre of the room, and looked around at all his friends, "I had a great time tonight, but to have the eight, sorry, nine of you still here in my house, well, you're the best friends a man could have."

Steve moved into the centre of the room to stand next to his father. "Dad, could I just say something. Like you said, all these people here are our closest friends, and I want all of you to be the first to know, I asked Jo to marry me this afternoon, and she said yes."

Everybody was immediately around the happy couple. Rae stayed back as she saw her daughter stir, and because she had already congratulated both of them. She looked at the scene in front of her and sighed. She knew that she had some serious ghosts to get rid of but the people here in this room cared for her, and would give her all the help she needed.

Author's Note.

I hope that you have enjoyed my little journey into the recent past. It was an interesting way for me to try to write, and turned into a much more gentle story than normal. Now though the past is just that, past, and the present and future beckons, so the next chapter will be the start of the next adventure in the lives of our favourite characters, please continue to read and enjoy.

Tracy


	8. 08 A Change of Address

For Always 

**Part Two**

The story continues straight on from part one, but now we are no longer reliving memories, the past has been examined and laid to rest, the future is out there waiting to happen, and life is continuing on for Steve, Mark, Amanda, Jesse, Rae and Jo.

A Change of Address 

Rae ran the brush through her hair and listened to the sound of bird song outside her window. She was getting ready to go and see Brian. She had seen him once since he had used his silk handkerchief to gauge her reaction to the scarves that Leticia Howard and Levington had used on her, and he hadn't even mentioned what he had done. She turned as she heard a sound and smiled as Jesse came in, their daughter in his arms.

Jesse returned the smile as he placed Eliana on the carpet, and the little girl just sat and smiled. She was leaning up against the side of the bed and was obviously extremely pleased with herself. She had just learnt how to sit unaided. It didn't last for long before gravity took over, but while she was upright she just loved it. "Are you ready to go see Brian?"

"Yeah, I had to cancel last week, and I didn't want to have to do that again." There had been a meeting at the precinct at the same time as her appointment the previous week, which Rae had had to attend. A serial rapist was on the loose, attacking early morning joggers, there seemed to be no pattern to his choice of location and he was getting more violent each time he attacked. Rae's friend Jan had been in charge of the meeting and although the subject was horrifying and Rae's heart went out to the four women who had already been attacked, she had revelled in the feeling of belonging, of being a useful cop once again. She wished that she still felt that way. "I'm gonna go straight to work after I finish. Can you take Eliana to Sally for me?"

"Yeah, sure, I haven't seen her in a few days, and I like to hear her praise our daughter." 

Rae looked at her husband, he was just so proud of their baby. "Ok, and you'll pick her up, unless something happens to change our plans." Rae leant over and checked her earrings, placed a gold chain over her head and looked at her silver bangle watch, she never got tired of its sleek and simple lines and the fact that it didn't get in the way of anything, she never took it, or the bangle that almost matched it, and was on her left wrist, off. 

Eliana's eyes never left her mother's face, and as Rae turned and crouched down in front of her, her excitement got the better of her and she kicked her feet so hard that she fell over onto her side. She wasn't at all bothered by what had happened, but just lay there, babbling away to herself. "dadadamamama." Rae kissed her and then picked her up. She reached out one chubby little hand and pulled hard on Rae's chain, which broke and slid off Rae's neck and over her baby's wrist.

"Oh, Ana, and I liked that chain too." Rae sat her daughter back down and gently prised open her fingers and took the offending necklace away from her. Eliana's face crumpled and she let out a long, loud and heartbreaking wail.

"I think I will leave you with that. I'll see you tonight. Bye, Honey, bye, baby." Rae put the chain back in her jewellery box, blew two kisses, and then, seeing Jesse pick up their tearful child, she left the house.

Rae arrived at the hospital five minutes early for her appointment, and so she made her way up to the fifth floor ready to have a chat with Helen. Brian's receptionist was filing away some folders when she heard the familiar ping as Rae walked out of the elevator, but turned with a ready smile and moved over to the front of her desk.

"Hi, Rae, how are you today? Oh, no baby then?" Helen looked disappointed, when Rae had brought her daughter in a fortnight ago she had got to play with her for almost an hour.

"No, she's with her daddy this morning, and then she's going to her sitter. But I'll make sure I bring her in to see you again soon." Rae had been sucking a piece of candy as she had come up to see Brian, now she moved back over towards the trash can and put the wrapper in. As she did so the elevator pinged again, and two nurses exited, and one of them almost knocked Rae off her feet. Rae, who felt her temper rise, and only managed to control it with difficulty, spun round, "And I hope you have a nice day too. Maybe somewhere along the way you'll find where you left your manners!" The two nurses said nothing but just headed off towards the maternity ward, which was just down the corridor and round to the left. As Rae turned back to carry on talking with Helen she saw Brian's door open and a young man exit.

Helen smiled across at him, but as was always the case when he left, he looked neither left nor right, and moved straight over to the elevator, pressed the button and stood in silence until he was swallowed by it.

"I'll just be a minute Rae, if you don't mind, I need to speak with Doctor Dobson."

"Of course." Rae sat down on the chair nearest to the doctor's office and picked up a magazine from the pile. She flicked through it, and seeing an article on holidays in London she began to read.

"Rae, I am so sorry, that took far longer than I expected, I hope I haven't made you late for anything." Helen's voice broke into Rae's thoughts just over ten minutes later.

"What? Oh, no, I was just reading about holidays to England. I was quite happy being nostalgic, it wasn't a problem." Rae got up and headed into the office, and Brian who was waiting by the door closed it behind her.

"So, Rae, how are you?"

Rae always felt as if her feelings were being laid bare the moment the entered the room, and she seemed to be able to start talking about difficult things straight away.  She knew that she wouldn't trust anybody else as she trusted Brian. Sometimes she had to tell Steve things first, but normally he just listened to her, Brian helped her to understand.

"Rae, how are you?"

"What, Oh, sorry, ok, I think. Well, I'm ok, when I can keep control of my emotions, sometimes that is real hard." Rae swallowed as she finished talking. 

"In what way? Have you lost control since I saw you last?"

Rae thought for a moment. She had been getting flashbacks to things that had happened with Levington and found things attacking her senses almost for no reason. "Yeah, but not as often as I thought I might."

"What type of things?"

"I suddenly see him, sometimes when I'm setting the table, for a meal, any meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner… He … he used to just sit and watch my every move…" Rae shuddered as she remembered. 

"Any other times?" Brian looked intently at her. He had been seeing her on and off since she had arrived in LA and thought that he knew her pretty well by now. He had seen her at her lowest ebb, as well as when she was in no need of his services, and he was sure he could read her and at the moment he knew that she was keeping things from him.

"Yes, some other times." Rae couldn't make eye contact with her doctor. She didn't know if she could talk about what happened in her dreams, and sometimes when she was alone.

"Ok, do you want to tell me about the other occasions, I really think that after all this time you need to be able to face your fears."

"Or my inadequacies." Rae's words were quiet, but Brian didn't have to strain to hear her. He said nothing and just waited. "I see him when I go to bed. Even though it's Jesse lying there, and I know that he wants me to …" Rae paused, this time she could see Jesse's face in her mind, his kind, loving and patient face, although she knew he was finding it increasingly hard to be patient with her. "He wants me to react to him, to let him touch me, and I just can't." There she had said it, it had been twelve months since Rae had left the hospital and she had only let Jesse near her once in all that time.

"Why not?"

"Why not? Because when he touches me, or kisses me I don't see him, I don't feel him I …" Rae stopped talking. She didn't even know how to describe how she felt when Jesse touched her, but it was nothing like it used to make her feel. "I see, well you know who I see, but somehow I don't feel … anything familiar. I don't know … but I can't let it happen, not for long enough to explain it."

"Have you tried making love in other parts of the house? Somewhere other than a bed?"

Rae shook her head. "Sometimes I let him cuddle me when we are in the family room, and if he is working and I'm not he kisses me goodbye, but no, I can't even think about it. I have enough trouble with what he does to me already."

"And what does that mean?" Brian was getting quite troubled by what she was saying, and he wanted to get as much of it out into the open as he could.

"When he touches me, or kisses me, or even says nice things to me I just want him to stop, I want to shout at him, scream at him not to be nice to me, because I don't deserve it. I can't believe that he is still with me, that he still wanted to marry me, and I wish he would go away." Rae had put her hand over her mouth as she finished speaking, she didn't know why she had said that, but it was the truth. She wanted to be alone, just her and her demons, she couldn't bear to have his sympathy, his concern, and his love, it was just too much. She wanted to deal with everything on her own.

"Rae, I think that we really need to talk about this in greater detail. What happened to you wasn't your fault, nor was it Jesse's, he loves you, and I know that when you were rescued all you wanted was to be with him. That was your real, deep-seated reaction; the feelings inside you were ones of longing for the man you loved. When you were first released from the hospital and you and Jesse went to stay with your friend, Texas, you just wanted to be together, why do you think that has changed?"

"I don't know, but it has. I have to stop myself everyday from just laying into him. From shouting at him, sometimes for no reason." Rae slammed her fist down on the table. "God, I am so fed up with being nice. I am NOT a nice person, I can't be, because nice things just don't happen to me any more."

"Rae, look at me. Do you think you deserve the things that happened to you?" Brian's heart sank as he saw her nod.

"I must do, why else would they happen?"

"So when you are nice, which is your word not mine, to Jesse, or Steve, or Helen when you are here, that is all an act? A front for the rest of the world to see?"

Rae nodded. "When I talk about Eliana it isn't a lie. I like to talk about her, and I like to hear what people have to say about her, but apart from that, yes, it's an act."

"What do you think will happen to you if you keep this act up? Do you think that one day it will all disappear and everything will be fine, or do you think it will gradually eat away at you until you have nothing left of the world that you want to be a part of?

"I don't know." Rae looked away. The more he said to her the more she wanted to retreat into her own little world, the world where she didn't have to listen to anybody, or care for anybody, or have anybody care for her.

"What happens when you are at work? Are you a good cop?"

Rae stared at him. His question had taken her completely off guard, and she realised that she didn't know the answer to it. "I… I'm not sure."

"When Doctor Martin signed your release papers so that you could work again, were you ready to go back?"

"Yes, I needed to be back doing what I do best. I am a good cop." Rae stared at him, and he could see the defiance in her eyes.

"Yes, I know you're a good cop. But are you a good cop right now? Can Steve rely on you to watch his back at the moment?"

Rae looked away then and suddenly the scene of the siege at the Tower Mall flashed into her mind. He hadn't been sure of her to start with that day, and neither had she. But she had dealt with it, she had kept him safe. Could she do it right now, today? She had no idea.

"I hope so."

"So do I, because most of the time you're all he's got. Does he know how you are feeling?"

"No." Rae was looking down at her hands in her lap. She knew what was going to happen, and she knew she couldn't stop it.

"I don't think you are fit to continue on active duty, Rae. I think you are suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, and I think you agree with me."

"So, you are gonna sign me off work, so I can do what? Sit around my nice white, nice clean, nice safe house and be nice to everybody?" Rae's voice had risen every time she said the word nice, and she could feel the temper she had been keeping in for so long, perilously close to the surface.

"No, I am going to sign you off work so that you can get your life sorted out. I want you to go home, and think over what we have said today, and I want you to come back tomorrow. I will come in early if that is what you want, or I can see you in the afternoon."

"So, you have let all these feeling out and now you are just gonna send me home?" Rae had stood up as she was talking, and her voice was now raised to a shout. "Well, thank you, thank you very much."

"Rae, if you are just gonna shout then nothing will be gained by talking about these things right now. You need to go over what has happened and then come back. So tomorrow, either early morning or afternoon."

"The afternoon will be fine." Rae's voice was tight and hard and Brian knew that she was determined not to lose her temper any further.

"Very well then, I will see you at two." He stood up and extended his hand, but Rae just turned away from him, and without another word she left his office.

Rae went down to the parking lot without speaking to Helen, and climbed into Tom. She sat there for a few minutes and then she started her car and headed out into the traffic. Her first stop was the precinct, and she stormed in and up the stairs, without speaking to Bob and when she arrived at her desk she sat down with a glare on her face as if daring anybody to come near to her. For a while nobody did and she sat there, her mind going over what had just happened to her. After about five minutes Rae became aware of another person in the squad room and she looked up to see Detective Crosier crossing the floor. She looked towards her partner, but Steve was on the phone. She knew that Crosier was coming towards her and she took a deep breath and waited for his latest set of comments.

"Well, Detective, and how are we today? You know I heard that there is a scarf sale on at a real nice silk shop just two blocks from here. Right in your neck of the woods so to speak." Crosier turned before Rae had a chance to say anything, and laughing to himself he went back the way he had come. Rae leapt out of her chair and stormed across the room, and then grabbing Crosier by the back of his jacket she swung him round and using all the force she could find slapped him hard across the face.

"You **ever** talk to me again, and I will permanently stop you. Understand?" Rae's eyes were blazing, and Crosier, his hand up to his face took a step backwards.

"Is that a threat, Detective? I would watch yourself, you can lose your badge for talking like that." Crosier sneered at her as he spoke. "And there was me thinking you liked to talk about your past loves."

This time Rae didn't hold back, she slammed the vice man straight back against the nearest wall, and he found himself eye to eye with her. Rae pulled her arm back and slammed it into his stomach, and then leaving the officer rolling on the floor she went back to her desk.

Captain Newman came out of his office and walked over to her.

"Detective Yeager, I would like a word with you in my office, now."

"Yes, Sir." Rae stood up and moved off, leaving a very shocked but relieved squad room behind her.

"Sit down, Detective. Why are you here? And what the hell are you doing?"

"I work here, Sir." Rae could feel her temper returning to where it usually resided these days, just under the surface. She knew that if she were about to be suspended, it wouldn't be on medical grounds any longer, but for insubordination and assault.

"I have just come off the phone with Doctor Dobson, and he informed me that he feels you are not fit to work at the moment. He also told me that he wouldn't be at all surprised if you came here anyway. He didn't tell me that there was a chance of you assaulting a fellow officer, and being brought up on charges."

"No, Sir."

"Was there a reason why you just attacked Detective Crosier?" Rae stayed silent. "Detective, you could lose your badge for what you just did. Now I know that you fought long and hard to be able to stay in LA and work here, I can't believe you would throw it all away like that."

"No, Sir."

"Detective, talk to me. I can't do a damn thing for you if you don't."

"He said something I didn't like. I will apologise to him." Rae didn't look up as she spoke and the Captain knew that there was far more to it than she was prepared to admit. He knew and despised Crosier. He was the type of man that gave cops a bad name. He understood that Rae was under a lot of pressure at the moment, and he had no doubt that Crosier was playing on that. But if she wouldn't open up to him there was nothing he could do about it.

"Reagan," The Captain's voice was suddenly soft and Rae looked up. "Go home, take a week to sort yourself out a little and then come back and see me. I don't want you here if you aren't up to it, this job is too dangerous for that. But I also don't want you to be at home if you could be here, we need you. So give yourself a week and then return, is that ok with you?"

"I suppose it will have to be, won't it?" Rae tried to be civil, but she knew that, for today at least, being nice was beyond her.

"I will contact you in a couple of days to see how you are feeling… if that is all right." The Captain couldn't read his officer at the moment, and that was a concern to him. He needed to know that she was up to the job. Normally, when her life didn't get in the way she was an excellent officer, and he had every confidence in her abilities, but right now, well he didn't, it was as simple at that.

Rae stood up. "Am I dismissed, Sir?"

"Yes, Detective, you are dismissed." The Captain's voice came out as a resigned sigh and Rae turned and left the room. She picked her purse up from where she had left it on the table, and moved across towards the door. She felt Steve rise from his desk even though she had her back to him.

"Rae, wait." Steve watched as his partner didn't even break her stride, but just carried on walking. He sat back down. Sometimes he knew he wouldn't be able to do or say anything that would help, and he got the feeling that this was one of those times.

Rae climbed back into Tom, slammed the door and drove back home. She let herself in through the security gate, waving her hand at the guard as she did so. She parked her car and then went into the house. She knew that she had hours before Eliana and Jesse would be home and she felt completely exhausted by her session with Brian and what had happened in the squad room. Rae kicked off her shoes, and curled herself up on the reclining chair that they had got from Tony and closed her eyes.

Jesse picked up his daughter from Sally's and placed her chair on the seat next to him in the car. He changed the CD to one with nursery rhymes on it and drew slowly out into the traffic. Sally had said that she had been awake almost all day, so he was hoping for a nice quiet evening with Rae, maybe they could talk about what had happened at her meeting with Brian.

Jesse drew his car up behind Rae's on the driveway and then he carefully took his sleeping daughter out of the car. She was already wearing her nightclothes and so he took her straight round to the nursery and gently laid her in her crib. He switched the alarm on and the light off and went back into the kitchen. 

Once Jesse had made himself a coffee and sandwich he went into the lounge and stopped as he saw Rae lying fast asleep in front of him. He put his drink on a mat and the sandwich on the table, and then he moved over and looked at her. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and still couldn't believe that they were together. He wished that he could help her, that she would open up to him, so that they could solve her problems together. Quietly, he moved right up next to Rae bent down and gently kissed her on the lips.

Rae was instantly awake, her eyes blazing with anger and fear. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Jesse took a step back, and could see that her hands were balled into fists. "Nothing, I just gave you a little kiss."

"Well, just back off, ok. If I wanted you to kiss me I would be standing waiting for you to come home. The fact that I was fast asleep should give you an idea of what I want you do to, nothing! Just leave me alone, completely alone."

Rae got up off the recliner and went to walk out of the room, but Jesse, his patience finally exhausted, grabbed her by the arm and swung her round. "What is the matter with you? Don't you care about me any more? All I want to do is help you. I know you have been to hell and back, but I love you, Rae, and I want us to get back to how we used to be."

"Yeah, well that is never gonna happen, because I don't want to be with you any more. Do I care? No, I don't care, just get out, Jesse, get out and leave me alone."

This time Jesse let Rae leave the room, he was too stunned to say or do anything. He sank down in the chair and ran his hands through his hair as he had seen Rae do so many times.

He was still sat there twenty minutes later when Rae came back in the room. "Oh, you're still here then? I thought I asked you to leave."

"I can't leave, because if I do who will look after Eliana? She needs someone who is kind and gentle, and Honey, whatever you have been in the past, you are neither of those things right now."

Rae swallowed the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to be on her own, that way nobody could get hurt, and nobody could hurt her. She took a deep breath and spoke again. "Then take her with you, it makes no difference, just take her. I want you to leave tonight."

Jesse got up as if in a dream and headed into the bedroom, he grabbed a bag from the bottom of his closet and pulled a couple of pairs of jeans, some t-shirts and all the other things he would need into it and shut the zipper. Then he went into Eliana's room and did the same thing again, picked up his still sleeping child, put her back in her car seat and moved into the hallway. It had taken him ten minutes to collect up everything he needed, and in that time the house had been completely silent.

"I'll go then, unless you want me to stay." Jesse could hear the pleading in his voice and hoped desperately that Rae would hear it too.

"No, if I wanted you to stay I would have said so, just go Jesse, I'll be in touch." Rae had walked over to the double doors, which led out onto their deck. She didn't turn round as she heard the front door open and then shut, but as the sound of the car pulling away reached her ears a single tear escaped and ran down her cheek.

Steve and Jo had just finished putting the dinner in the oven when there was a knock at the door. 

"Oh, no, don't tell me we are gonna have visitors." Jo looked at her fiancé and sighed. Michael had finally been persuaded to take the evening off and go to see a show, so that Steve and Jo could have a night completely to themselves, and now just an hour after he had left there was somebody wanting to see them.

Steve went to the door, and looking through the peephole saw his best friend, and goddaughter standing on the step. He opened the door, and was shocked at Jesse's appearance.

"Jesse, what's happened? Are you all right? Where's Rae?" Steve was firing questions at him until he saw that he wasn't really in a fit state to answer any of them. Steve carefully took the carry seat out of his hand and then guided him into the living room.

Jo had come out of the kitchen and she followed them in. "Jesse, Honey, what's goin' on?"

"She … she threw me out, Steve, she said … she said she didn't care about me anymore, and didn't want to be with me. She said to take Eliana too, that it didn't make … any difference to her." Jesse couldn't speak any more. He sank down into the nearest chair and placed his head in his hands. "Oh, God, Steve what am I gonna do without her? I just don't understand why she is doing this to me, to us." He looked up at his friend and Rae's best friend and they could see the devastation he felt written all over his face. Then he just dissolved into tears.

Jo placed her hand on Steve's arm. "I am gonna call her, see if I can find out what is going on." Steve just nodded and she went out into the hallway, picked up the phone and placed her call.

Rae heard the ringing of her house phone but she didn't move. She had no intention of answering it and she just let it ring.

Jo tried Rae's cell phone as well, but that just rang out, she left a message on her voice mail and then, resigned to the fact that Rae just didn't want to talk to anybody, she went back towards the lounge. She stopped just outside the doorway as she heard Jesse, who was now a little more in control of is emotions, speaking to Steve.

"What am I gonna do, Steve? She and Eliana are everything, I couldn't believe that she wanted to spend her life with me, and then I found out about the baby, and I was the happiest man alive. But now a year later it's all over."

"Jesse, I don't think she knows what she wants right now. She's ill, Jess, that is the only reason I can think for her to be acting this way. Brian will help her and then you will get her back. She loves you, Jesse, and normally she is a great mom to Eliana, it will be all right." Steve was sitting next to his friend, his arm round his shoulders. He had tentatively moved closer and closer to him as Jesse had cried, and having not been pushed away had offered the only comfort he could think of. As they sat there Eliana began to stir in her seat. Jo came quietly into the room picked her up and went upstairs with her. 

Rae had left a travel cot in one of the spare rooms in case they ever stayed so late that it wasn't worth going home, or if Steve and Jo were babysitting for them. Now it looked like it would become her permanent crib, at least for a while.

Jo laid the baby down and began to rock the cot back and forth with her foot. The gentle movement seemed to soothe Eliana and her eyes began to close again. Jo carried on rocking her long after she had fallen back to sleep. The movements were soothing to her as well as the child. She was very worried about Rae, and tomorrow she would go over and see her and try to find out what was going on, but for now, all she could do was care for her husband and child, so that when she recovered they would be able to become a family again.


	9. 09 Danger At Every Turn

Danger At Every Turn 

Jesse was woken just after six by the sound of his daughter crying in the room just down the hallway. He got out of bed and moved quietly towards her, only to see Steve in front of him and heading in the same direction. Even though he had been instantly aware of where he was and why he was there, the sight of his friend happily heading into the makeshift nursery cheered him considerably.

Steve leant over the crib and gently picked Eliana up. She was instantly silent, she recognised her Uncle Steve, and was happy to be snuggled into his large warm body. Steve turned and looked a little sheepish as he saw Jesse standing behind him.

"Oh, hey, Jesse, I was trying to save you from getting up. I was gonna take her back in with Jo and me for a little while, but I guess you had better have her." Steve reluctantly handed the little girl to her daddy and went back into his room. Jesse, unable to contain his chuckle returned to bed.

Rae woke early and for an instant she couldn't work out why she was alone, but then the memories of the evening before came back to her. She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and balled her hands into fists. At least if she was by herself she could protect those that she loved, and she did love Jesse, she didn't doubt that, but right now she couldn't love him.

Rae pottered about the house, tidying up things that were already tidy, and cleaning things that hadn't been dirty. She made the bed, vacuumed the whole house, and even washed down the deck. Then she made herself an herbal tea and sat in Tony's chair while she went over the events that had led to her being alone.

By the time that Jo had eaten breakfast and Steve and Jesse had gone off to work it was just after ten o'clock. Jo got Eliana into her car seat and then placed her into the station wagon and took her over to Sally. Jesse had phoned the sitter and she knew that for a little while Rae wouldn't be picking up her daughter.

Sally watched as the car drove away from her house, she looked at the happy smiling face of the little girl sitting just in front of her feet and her heart went out to her. She had been delighted to take on the child, she had known who Detective Yeager was, and she had heard of the doctor too.  They had seemed such a happy contented family, even with all the problems that she knew they had been through, but now, it seemed that they had been unable to cope with what life had thrown at them, and she for one felt enormous pity for them. She was happily married, and had two wonderful sons, it saddened her to realise that Eliana may not have that type of upbringing.

Jo went along the now familiar trip towards Rae's house, trying to work out what she was going to say to her friend when she got there. She pulled up to the gate, and lowered her window. "Hi, I'm here to see Mrs Travis."

The guard looked over at her, the weather was appalling and it was difficult to see the face of the car driver through the rain. He moved over towards the car and then recognising the person driving he opened the gates. Mrs Travis had only just returned from a walk herself, although he had to admit he hadn't actually seen her leave, but she had waved as he let her in the pedestrian gateway.

Jo pulled up outside Rae's gate and locked up her car. Then she moved over and knocked at the front door.

Rae had been sitting, she didn't know for how long, either writing long notes to try and work out how to keep her family safe, or just staring into space, when she was brought back to reality by a knock at her door. Slowly she got to her feet and, almost in a daze, she walked towards the front of the house. 

Jo could see Rae coming down her hallway through the glass in the front door. She watched as she unlocked it and opened it just slightly.

"Rae, Honey, can I come in? I really need to talk to you."

Rae said nothing, but she opened the door and let her best friend enter. Then she shut the door and went with her into the living room.

"Rae, what is going on? Jesse an' Eliana are stayin' with us, an' you know that they can, for as long as they want, but they should be here with you."

"No! No, they can't come here, they will be safe with you." 

Jo could see that Rae was already agitated and was winding her fingers round and round in her sweater. Jo moved a little closer to her friend, and was worried to see that she jerked back from her. 

"Rae, I'm not gonna hurt you, I want to help you, tell me what is the matter."

Rae shook her head. "No, I can't. Texas, just leave me; it isn't safe for anybody to be with me. I have spent all morning trying to work out how I could have them back here, but things happen to the people I love, and I just can't risk it. I am frightened to take Eliana out into the street, sometimes I am frightened to go out myself." Rae held up the pieces of paper that she had written on, and Jo could see line after line of things that could be done to the house to make it safer, or plans for a house to be built that would keep them away from other people, and then written in large letters at the bottom of one page she could see, _we still have to go to work, we have to eat, shop, live, but for me to live and not hurt anybody I have to live alone._

Jo shook her head. "Ok, let's just look at this a minute, nothing has happened that you have started, I know that Steve an' Jesse both got hurt but it wasn't your fault, they know that, they just want you to be happy an' safe. They aren't gonna start avoidin' you."

"No, Texas, nothing you say will change my mind. Jesse and Eliana are both safer away from me, and you should go too." Rae got up from her chair and went out of the room. Jo sat on the sofa and hoped that her friend would come back to see her. She didn't want to intrude if she was upset, but she didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. After five minutes Jo decided to go and see what Rae was doing.

Jo checked every room in the house and was alarmed to discover that Rae wasn't in any of them. She moved back into the living room and then checked the back garden, but she wasn't there and so she went around the house into the front garden. To her relief Rae was coming back up the path, wiping her hands on her jeans as she did so.

"Honey, where did you go?" Jo couldn't keep the anxiety out of her voice.

"I just came to get some air, and I looked at your car, then I pushed a plant back into the ground that had got uprooted, why?"

"Because you just left me sitting in the front room and I had no idea where you were."

"Oh, sorry, I just wanted to get away from your questions."

"Well, I'm gonna head back into town, I told Jesse that I would go stock up on things for Eliana, somebody has to look after that child." Jo tried to make her voice sound accusing, but she could see that Rae wasn't going to reply. "Honey, if Steve comes over, will you talk to him?"

Rae just nodded and then she turned and went back into the house. Jo let out a big sigh and climbed back into her car. She drew away from the kerb and out towards the security gate. The rain had stopped now, although the roads were still wet and she was spotted by the guard who swung the gates open for her and she drove straight through them. Jo turned onto the hill that would take her towards the store she planned to get all her baby goods from and began to happily work through what she was going to buy. As she turned a sharp corner Jo pressed gently on the brake, and then she pressed a little harder, there was absolutely no resistance in her brake pedal, and the car began to pick up speed, sliding on the slippery road as it did so. Jo looked wildly around her; she could see other vehicles in front and behind her, and nowhere for her to safely direct her wheels to get her out of the way of everybody. 

The hill got steeper, and the car went faster and faster, horns were blaring all around her, and she could see the faces of worried drivers as their cars flashed by, she rode the road as best she could taking the turns and trying to find the best line for her own and everybody else's safety. Another corner came up in front of her, but this time she misread it and clipped the kerb, Jo felt a scream leave her lips as her car left the road and then the world turned upside down for a brief second before everything became black.

Steve was trying to sort out some of the paperwork that had been generated by the case concerning the drive-by shooting murders that he had inherited from Cheryl. He'd passed the Lee Tennant murder over to his ex-partner, and had in return taken over her part of the drive-by case. He had been taking a note of the differences between the now six cases that they had. The phone rang as he began to see a long long day ahead of him, and without really thinking about it he reached over and picked it up.

"Homicide, Lieutenant Sloan… Oh, hi, Jess… What? Oh, my God, I'm on my way… Yeah, ok…" Steve slammed the receiver back down and grabbing his jacket headed straight for his Captain's office.

Captain Newman was working on the same case as Steve. He was going over the notes of the five officers he now had working it when there was a sharp rap on his door. "Come."

"Captain, I need to get to Community General, Jo has been involved in a car accident."

"Ok, Lieutenant, let me know how long you're gonna be. I hope she isn't too badly hurt." Newman looked up as he spoke, only to find that he had been talking to an empty office.

Jesse had just been getting ready to start his rounds when he heard himself being called to the ER. He rushed back along the hallway and saw Alex leaning over a gurney, which had just been brought in. 

"Alex, what have you got?"

"Jesse, it's Jo. She's been in a car accident. She is unconscious, she has bruising and lacerations to her face, but the airbag saved her."

"Alex you take her into Trauma one, I'll call Steve."

It didn't take long for Alex to treat Jo, the airbag had been put to good use, and she would be fine in a few days. Jo had come around as Alex was checking her over, but she had just lain quietly and let him do his job. A half hour after she had come in Jo was in x-ray and fifteen minutes after that Alex was having her admitted.

Steve rushed into the ER and looked around in a panic. He saw Jesse and rushed over to him. "Jesse, where is she? Is she ok?"

"Steve, calm down, she is gonna be fine. She was lucky, and she will be home with you again tomorrow. If you go up to room 392 you will find her probably fast asleep."

At just after two o'clock Rae exited the elevator on the fifth floor of Community General and smiled slightly at Helen, then without a word she sat down.

"Rae, you are a little late, Brian is waiting, you can go right in."

Still Rae said nothing, but she rose from her seat and went into the office.

Brian stood as she entered, just as he always did, and then indicated with his hand that she should sit down. "Hi, Rae, how are you today? We finished on a very difficult note yesterday, I hope that you were able to deal with the things I left for you to think about."

Rae sat there and wouldn't meet his eyes. She remembered when she was taking a course once that the lecturer called what she was having a floor moment. 

"Rae, look at me." Brian knew that something had happened. He had no idea what, but he had a feeling that it was monumental. "Rae, if you don't look at me then there is no point in us having this session."

Rae very slowly looked up, she knew that she needed to talk to somebody, she hadn't said anything of any consequence to Texas, and she didn't have Jesse to talk to any more. As she thought about her husband tears came into her eyes. Why was she crying, she had been the one who asked him to leave.

"I'm sorry, I don't know where to start."

"Try the beginning, tell me what happened when you got home and spoke to Jesse about what we talked about yesterday?"

"I went home and I fell asleep. When Jesse got home he scared me and … and I threw him out." Rae spoke quickly, and almost as if she was sure that by speaking quickly it would lessen the meaning of her words, she carried on almost without pausing for breath. "He went and he took Eliana with him. So now I am alone."

"And you feel good about that do you?" Brian looked at her and he was extremely troubled. He wasn't sure if she should be alone, but she wasn't, as far as he was concerned, ill enough to be detained either.

"No, I don't feel good about it, but they will be safer and happier without me in their lives."

"Ok, Rae, have you heard about the four f's?" Brian looked at her again, and he could see that she had no idea what he was talking about.

"'Flock, freeze, flight and fight.' They are all reactions to stressful situations. Some people don't feel the need to do any of them, but you are not one of those people. When you first came out of the hospital you went to stay with Texas and Steve and you were happy with them, you flocked together and there was safety in numbers. Then when Levington was killed in front of you, you froze, which is understandable, you heard his voice and you couldn't do anything except stand there and watch him come towards you. The flight is what you are doing now, but instead of running from your situation you are getting everybody else to do the running for you. If you don't want to stay this way for ever you are going to have to start to fight, fight for yourself and your family."

Brian stopped talking. He didn't have anything else to say and so he sat and watched Rae's reaction.

"Ok, thank you for explaining it. Is there anything else you need to say to me? I would really like to get home."

As Brian began to answer her, his phone rang and he picked it up. "Doctor Dobson." He knew that it must be urgent for Helen to put a call straight through. "Rae, it's for you, it's Jesse." He saw Rae shake her head and so he began to speak again. "It isn't really convenient for her to speak right now… Oh, right, yes I'll tell her, I'm sure she will come to see you. Thank you."

Rae looked at her therapist, he had a worried look on his face and she knew that he had bad news. "Eliana?"

"No, Rae, no, it's Texas, she has been in a car accident. Jesse just thought you would want to know. He also wondered if you could go and see him before you left the hospital."

Rae just nodded her head and stood up. She picked up her purse and turned to walk out the door, as she reached for the handle she stopped and turned back. "When can I come again?"

"Give it a couple of days, Rae, I don't think you are in the right frame of mind to talk things through right now. But if you feel that you want to talk we can do that any time. Just call me, ok?"

"Yes, Brian I will do that." Rae left the room then and moved over towards the elevator. She couldn't believe that another one of her friends had been hurt. As she exited the elevator she saw Jesse just coming out of a trauma suite. He had blood on the sleeve of his coat and he was peeling it off as he walked. He turned and headed back into the room, deposited the coat in the right bin, and he didn't spot Rae until he was half way down the hallway, his mind on the patient he had just treated.

"Rae? Honey, are you all right? Did Brian tell you about Jo?"

She nodded her head and her real feelings rushed to the surface for a moment and she ran to him. "I am so sorry, Jesse, please forgive me."

"Oh, sweetheart, of course, there is nothing to forgive. Come on, let's go to the doctor's lounge, we can talk in there." Jesse half carried his wife all the way along the hallway and then they sat together and he held her close to him and felt the shivers that were coursing through her body.

Slowly Rae looked up at the face of the man she loved so much, and her heart broke for him. "I love you, Jesse, but I just can't live with you any more, it's not safe for you or Eliana to be with me, things happen to people that I know. Now Texas is in here. Think about it, Jess. My friends and my family here are you, Eliana, Steve, Mark, Texas, Amanda, Martin, Cheryl and Alex. So far, since I have been here, only Mark and Amanda have managed to stay out of the hospital. Everybody I get close to ends up near death. Twice I have nearly lost you, I can't stand this any more. God Jesse, can't you see that this is just driving me crazy." Rae tried to stand up, but she felt so shaky that she almost immediately sank back into the seat.

Jesse looked at her and the pain in her eyes made him want to just sweep her up in his arms and take her somewhere where she couldn't be hurt and terrorised, somewhere where she could live the life she wanted to live. "Rae, please, don't shut me out of your life, I need you, our daughter needs her mommy, please, Rae."

"No, Jesse, I can't, I just can't. I need you to know that I love you, but I can't take you back." This time her legs did work and Rae got up and left the room. _I guess this is flight _She headed back towards the elevator, only stopping to ask the nurse on duty for Texas's room number.

Steve was sitting in the room when Rae arrived outside. She tapped lightly on the frame and he looked round. Quietly Steve stood up and moved towards her. "Hi, Rae, how are you?" He placed his hand on her shoulder and felt her move away from him, but he didn't take his hand away. "Rae?"

"How is she, Steve? Is she gonna be alright?" Rae looked over at her friend, her face was bruised, but apart from that she appeared to be ok.

"She will be fine. A good night's sleep and then I can take her home for Michael to fuss over."

"Oh, well, I'll be going then." Rae turned to leave and felt Steve place his hand on her arm this time.

"No, Rae. I was just going to head for home. Jo woke up and told me to go home and get some dinner and sleep. Would you like to come and have a meal at Bob's with me?"

To his surprise and relief Steve saw her nod her head.

Steve and Rae walked into Bob's both hoping for a quiet evening. Steve had called ahead to reserve a table in the back of the restaurant so that they could talk through some of their problems. Jesse was working late but Michael had offered to sit with Eliana until he returned to his temporary home. 

Rae looked around; she could see one of the nurses from the hospital sitting eating on her own at a table just inside the door, Rae recognised her immediately as the rude woman from outside Brian's office the day before. A little further down Detective Bannister was there with his partner, Rae wasn't sure how many people knew about his relationship, but he was able to come and eat at Bob's without fearing any reprisals. Rae stopped at the table just for a second to say hello. She liked Bannister and his partner, but she could never remember his name. Steve raised his hand in acknowledgement of the two men and sat down at a table further into the restaurant.

Rae joined him and he passed her the menu. "We have a couple of new things that we are trying this week, would you like to stick with what you usually have, or try one of the seafood dishes I added?" Steve looked at Rae and was concerned that she didn't really seem to be listening to him.

Rae had sat down, and looked around her. As she sat there she began to feel very uncomfortable, and slowly she felt herself begin to panic. She shut her eyes for a moment hoping that it would help, but it didn't and when she opened them again she still felt very vulnerable and scared. Suddenly she began to go cold all over and she could feel her heart beating loud and fast in her chest. She knew that she just had to get out of the restaurant, that she wouldn't be able to breathe if she didn't. Rae stood up and blindly rushed from the building. 

Steve had no idea what was wrong so he got up, a little embarrassed, and followed his partner out into the parking lot. "Rae, Honey, what's the matter?"

"Leave it, Steve, just let me be." Rae put her head on the cold metal of Steve's car. She was having trouble catching her breath, her chest was tight and for a moment she thought that she was going to pass out. She felt Steve's arm as he gently placed it around her shoulder and guided her round to the passenger side of his car, unlocked the door and helped her in. Then he moved round, climbed into the driver's seat and headed towards the house that Rae and Jesse used to share.

Rae had sat in silence the whole way home, Steve had seen that she had her hands in tight fists the entire time, and he knew that she was only just holding on to her feelings or maybe even her sanity. As they drew up to the guardhouse at the entrance to their community Steve had gently touched her on the arm. 

"Rae, do you have your pass?" 

"What? My pass? Oh, yeah. It's in my purse." Rae had looked round and then realised that in her panic she hadn't picked it up. "I left it at Bob's." She felt tears threaten to fall and shut her eyes tight for a minute.

"Rae, are you alright?" Steve was getting more concerned by the second about his partner, he lowered his window and smiled at the guard. "Hi, Mrs Travis, number 37, she left her purse at the restaurant we have just been to. Can you let her in, I know Doctor Travis isn't at home right now."

"Ma'am? Is that all right with you that we let this, gentleman, take you home?"

Steve realised belatedly how what he had just said could be interpreted. "I'm her partner." _No that sounds worse._ "We work together." Rae still hadn't said anything and Steve carried on. "She isn't feeling very well, I am just gonna take her home and call her husband, ok?"

The guard looked at the embarrassed man in front of him. He had recognised him straight away and was going to just open the gates, but it had been an amusing interlude in his otherwise boring day. "That will be fine then, Sir. I will expect Doctor Travis shortly." The gates swung slowly open and Steve with a sigh of relief drove through to Rae's house.

Once they had parked Rae just sat in the car and waited, she wasn't sure why, but it seemed the easiest thing to do. "Rae, was your house key in your purse?" Steve looked at her again; he got the feeling that she wasn't in quite the same reality as he was. "Rae, your keys?"

"Oh, yeah, hold on." Rae slid her hand into her jeans pocket and then handed the key to Steve. He opened his door, got out, let himself into the house and then turned to see Rae getting out of his car; she came into the house and headed straight for her room. Steve sighed; problems and bedrooms seemed to go together for Rae. When she had been hurt by Donovan she had spent an enormous amount of time in her bedroom, Levington had kidnapped her from her bedroom, and now, as life seemed to be getting the upper hand once again, she was back in there. Steve put a call through the Community General and then waited.

"Jesse, I think you need to get home, right away… Just come, ok?"

Steve put the phone back and moved down the hallway and tapped gently on the door. "Rae, please, can I come in?" Steve waited, but he could hear no sound. "Honey, are you in there?" There was still no noise coming from the room, and in the end the concern he felt won out and he opened the door and looked in. Rae was sitting on the bed, tears running down her cheeks, she had her arms wrapped around herself and she was rocking back and forth.

"Rae?" Still Steve got no reply and his own panic rising he moved over towards the bed and sat down on the side of it. "Rae, look at me." There didn't seem to be any response from her at all, and so Steve just put his arms around her, hoping to stop the rocking and let her rest against him and cry.

Jesse had rushed out of the hospital and into his car. As he drove along he put a call into Brian to let him know what Steve had told him and then had driven the rest of the way in silence. He acknowledged the guard and was relieved to see the gates swing open for him and then a minute later he was pulling up outside his home.

Jesse raced along the hallway and stopped, he thought for a moment, Rae would be in the bedroom, which was her nest, the place she went when she needed comfort and safety. He opened the door and looked in to see Rae huddled in the shelter of Steve's arms, her face buried into his chest as he tried to calm her down. Jesse moved into the room and stood for a moment watching the scene in front of him. He knew that Rae felt safe and secure with Steve, that he would protect her in their dangerous every day life together, and he could see now that whatever happened to her she would always have somebody else to turn to if he, her husband, wasn't able to be there for her. Or, if she, his wife, wouldn't let him be there for her. Not wanting to frighten Rae, or embarrass Steve, he moved back over and closed the bedroom door, the noise made his best friend turn his head slightly and smile at him. It was a smile that spoke a thousand words. Steve was frightened. Frightened for his partner, and Jesse felt a deep gratitude that, even when Steve was a little out of his depth, he still was able to protect Rae.

"Steve, no, it's all right, don't move, she needs you right now." Jesse placed a hand on his shoulder as Steve went to move gently away from Rae. "Just tell me what happened." Jesse was concerned that Rae had made no movement to signify that she even knew that Jesse was in the room.

"We went to Bob's, it's been a rough day, and… well, she didn't handle seeing Jo too well.  I just wanted to talk to her, to try to find out what is bothering her, but … I don't know she seemed to almost lose control of herself. She rushed from the restaurant and I just brought her home. Then she came in here, and … well we've been like this ever since." Steve stopped talking. He wasn't sure if Rae was aware of either of them, and he needed to see if he could bring her back to them.

"Rae, look at me, Jesse's here. Rae." Steve looked into her deep brown eyes, and instead of seeing the friendship, and the life and laughter that was usually there he saw nothing. He gently pushed her away from his body and lay her down on the bed, and then he stood up and looked over at Jesse. "What's the matter with her, Jess? Look at her, you wouldn't think she had been to see Brian, run from a building or even just talked to me."

"I think she had a panic attack, and then once she got on home ground, somewhere she felt safe, with somebody who makes her feel protected she just shut down for a while. I will let her go off to sleep, and when she wakes up she will probably be fine. But I have arranged for her to go see Brian tomorrow."

"Well, the Captain has suggested she have a week off, so I won't say anything at work yet, but Jesse, there is no way she can come back like this."

"I know that, Steve, and I wouldn't let her. Alex won't let her, and Brian definitely won't let her, so she's three for three."

They looked back at the bed and could see that Rae was quickly falling asleep. Jesse moved over to her and carefully took her shoes off, and then he got the comforter from the bottom of the bed and gently pulled it over her. He kissed her on the cheek, then after brushing a lock of hair off her face he quietly moved across the room and followed closely by Steve went out into the hallway.

"You want a coffee?" Jesse looked back at his friend, hoping that he would say yes. 

"Yeah, I will if you don't mind. I have to say Rae scared me tonight, I have never seen her like that before. Do you think that she'll dream?"

"She might. Hold on a minute." Jesse went back down the hallway, and Steve, expecting to see him go into his own bedroom was surprised when he carried on round to the nursery. He realised what he was going to do when Jesse came back with the baby listener in his hand. He went into his room and Steve knew that he was plugging it in, and then he came back towards his friend.

"Nobody said it just had to be for listening to crying babies, did they? I forgot to take it with me last night, now I'm glad I did." Jesse smiled then and moved into the kitchen and put the coffee maker on. "Steve, do you think that you and Jo would have Eliana overnight without me being there? I want to just look after Rae tonight."

"Jesse, we would be delighted. It'll give us a trial run ready for when we have a baby." Steve smiled at the thought.

"No it won't. Eliana isn't a newborn baby any more. She sleeps through the night, and doesn't cry when she wakes up. Ok, I know she did this morning, but normally she doesn't. This is the good part, we have gotten past the sleepless nights, the midnight feeds, and the screaming wide awake baby at four in the morning."

"Well, gee, Jess, don't just tell me all the best bits." Steve went over to the cupboard where the mugs were kept and got two out. Rae kept a meticulously tidy house, and he knew just where they would be. Then he put them next to the coffee machine, turned, and, leaning against the counter, began to talk again. "She's really sick isn't she, Jess?"

"Yeah, she is. It affected her when Lee Tennant was killed, and now that Jo's been hurt, it seems to have sent her over the edge. I guess you must have seen something that made you want to take her out for dinner, or was it more than what you saw today?"

Steve nodded, he guessed now was as good a time as any to tell Jesse about some of the things that had happened lately. "Did she tell you about the web site that Levington had made?"

"No. What web site?"

Steve had taken a deep breath. "You aren't gonna like this, Jess. But I guess it's better coming from me than some of those slime balls in vice."

Half an hour later Jesse was ready to slam his fist into the nearest hard object. But he knew that Steve hadn't finished yet.

"There's a cop in vice, Detective Neil Crosier," Steve's voice was full of contempt and Jesse could tell that his usually affable friend had no time for this guy. "He found the site, eight weeks after Levington was killed, and had great pleasure in showing everything to Rae. She didn't cope with it too well, but luckily nobody reported her…"

"Why would anybody report her, what did she do?" Jesse looked concerned.

"When she threatened him, which she did while holding him up against a wall, she is one strong lady your wife, … she had her hand on her gun." Steve let out a sigh, he hadn't told anybody what he had seen that day, and it was a relief to share.

"And, what has this guy done since?"

"Well, apparently it has been going on for a while, Rae said that every time she comes into contact with him he makes suggestive comments, what he would like to do to her with his cuffs, whether she has a four poster bed at home, things that he could only have got from looking at the pictures on the site and reading the confidential report on what happened. But yesterday he obviously went too far and Rae slapped him." Steve could see that Jesse was horrified at his words. "There is more, Jesse, once she had hit him he apparently said something else, she slammed him up against the wall and punched him in the stomach. She could lose her badge, Jess."

Jesse had thought that he couldn't feel any angrier than when he first heard about the site, but now he realised that he had been wrong. He knew that when Levington had been killed in the station the files had been closed and all the information about what he had done to Rae had been classified as confidential and sent to records. As far as they had been aware permission from Captain Newman was required to even get a requisition form for them, let alone have a request to view them granted. But he wasn't just angry he was afraid. Afraid for Rae that she was no longer able to control her temper, to the extent that she had attacked somebody in the squad room. She had ended their married life; probably her professional life, and she didn't seem to have any means of dealing with any of it.

Jesse felt that he was about to explode, and was just about to vent his anger when he heard Rae over the monitor.

"No. Leave me alone, NO!!" 

Steve and Jesse were out of the kitchen and in the hallway in an instant. Jesse rushed into the room his eyes travelling to the bed as he did so. What he saw made him stop dead in his tracks. Rae was sitting up in bed, her eyes wide with terror, and in her hand she had her service weapon. Jesse looked round to Steve, his eyes full of silent pleading. Steve indicated with his hand that Jesse should move out into the hallway and then he walked a little closer to Rae.

"Rae, will you let me have your gun?" Steve's voice was soft and low, he didn't want to scare her, and he knew that she could kill him with a single shot right now, and probably have no idea what she had done. "Rae, it's Steve, Honey, please put the gun down, nobody is gonna hurt you. There is just Jesse and me here." Steve was still moving very slowly towards her, and he could see that she wasn't actually looking at him; in fact he wasn't sure that she was looking anywhere in particular. Gradually he was getting within touching distance of her, and then taking a deep breath he extended his hand and carefully took a hold of Rae's weapon and removed it from her grasp.

Steve heard Jesse let out a breath in the hallway, and then he unloaded the gun and placed it in his belt. He turned to see Jesse coming into the room, his doctor's bag in his hand. "I'm gonna sedate her, Steve, I know she doesn't even know we're here right now, but my God, I can't have her doing that, she'll get herself committed. Thank goodness Eliana wasn't here."

Jesse slowly pressed the plunger down on the syringe and watched carefully as the liquid went into Rae's arm. There was no reaction from her and once he had finished what he was doing, Jesse once again made sure that she was lying down and was warm and comfortable, then he drew the curtains across and tiptoed out of the room.

Steve was just following him down the hallway when his cell phone rang. He moved into the family room as he answered. "Sloan here."

Jesse waited just outside the door and he saw him sit down heavily. Steve finished his call and slowly put his phone away. "That was Cheryl. She went in and interviewed Jo this afternoon, after she woke up, I know it wasn't a murder investigation, but she was coming in to pick up some stuff from Amanda so she offered. Anyway, she just phoned me and … and Jo's brake lines were cut."

"What, who would want to kill Jo?" Jesse face was full of the shock he felt.

"There's more, Jesse. Her brake lines were cut, deliberately, and the last place she visited was here, to see Rae."


	10. 10 Strained Relationships

Strained Relationships 

Jesse phoned in to the hospital and asked Alex to make a house call the next morning, then he contacted personnel and told them that he would be taking a few days leave. Once he had done all that he walked down to the spare bedroom plugged in the baby monitor once again, climbed into bed and lying on his back put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling.

His mind was still reeling from all that Steve had told him, and he was beginning to understand why Rae was having such a hard time coping with her life. Steve had mentioned to him that she would have to be interviewed about what had happened when Jo had visited her earlier in the day, and Jesse had agreed to call the station in the morning to arrange a time. 

Suddenly he just needed to see her once more before he went off to sleep. So quietly he climbed out of bed and went back down the hallway. Slowly he opened the door and looked in on Rae. She was lying on her side, and the moonlight was coming in through a chink in the curtains and shining across her face. Her hair was sticking up in spikes, and she was completely at peace. Jesse sighed; he had to stop himself from moving across the room and reaching out to her. He stood there for a while just watching her. He knew that the sleep was medication induced, and that was why it was so peaceful, but it must be doing her some good or she would be reacting to the drugs in some way.

As Jesse watched, Rae let out a moan and turned over in her bed. Jesse stood transfixed looking at the woman that he loved so much, unable to touch her, help her or reach her. Eventually he shook his head and then went back to his temporary bedroom.

As Steve had driven out of Jesse's driveway he knew that he couldn't go home to bed, he needed to be doing something. So, after he had called through to Michael just to make sure that Eliana was ok, he headed back towards the station. He knew that Cheryl and Martin were working a late shift and he wanted to talk to them.

Cheryl had just made two cups of coffee and was sitting drinking hers slowly when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Looking over towards the doorway she saw Steve as he climbed the last few steps. He looked weary and worried; it was a state he seemed to be in more and more lately. Cheryl got up and headed back over to the coffee machine and made a drink for her ex-partner.

"Here you go, Steve, I thought you would be at the hospital with Jo. I know she seemed alright when I was with her, but I still thought you would be there all night."

"Well, I would have been except for two things. One she wouldn't let me, and two I had to go see Rae. I was at her house when you called me. Are you sure it was deliberate?"

"Yeah, no doubt about it. The brake lines were definitely cut through; there is brake fluid outside Rae's house because after I had spoken to Jo and found out what had happened to her car I went over and checked. There is no doubt about it, Steve, the car was vandalised outside Rae's place. It's a gated community, you can't just walk in and out as you please, you know that."

"Yeah, I know that…" Steve let his sentence trail off, and Cheryl, knowing how he thought, knew that there was something that he didn't want to say.

"Steve, if you know anything, anything at all, I need to know it."

"No, not yet, not officially, Cheryl, I just can't."

"And unofficially? What can you tell me that way? I know it's gonna be about Rae, Steve, do you think that she did this? I thought Jo was her best friend."

"She is, and that's why I don't want to say anything. Can you imagine how hurt Rae would be if she thought I suspected her of doing this? And Jo, like you said they are best friends, but …"

"Steve. I will hold you as a material witness in a minute." Cheryl was getting angry now, she knew he was trying to protect his partner, but if Rae had done this then she had to know.

"I don't think that Rae did this, she wouldn't hurt Jo, she loves her too much, it's just that we were working on a case, the one I passed to you, Lee Tennant, the guy who worked at Community General and was murdered. His son was killed in the first case we worked on together. You know the description; the murderer was only seen from the back, but she was small, with brown hair. Amanda says that a left-handed person killed him, and Rae is left-handed. I know that it is a tenuous link, but she knows Jo, and she knew Lee Tennant. She's ill, Cheryl, I had to take her home from Bob's tonight because she had a panic attack, and Jesse and Eliana are living with Jo and me right now because Rae threw them out."

"Oh, God, Steve, I had no idea. You know I am gonna have to interview her, and I hate to say this, but did she have an alibi for the murder? Did you ask her?"

"No, of course not! It never crossed my mind to ask her. For God's sake, Cheryl, she's your friend too. She wouldn't do this."

"Steve, I was in here when she attacked Crosier."

"Yeah, well he deserved it."

"She threatened him, she floored him, and the whole squad room saw her, then I find out that her best friend was injured after visiting with her, and a previous murder was committed by somebody left handed who looks like her, Steve, what am I supposed to think? You know if it was anybody else we would already have her in for questioning."

Steve turned away from his friend and ex-partner. He knew that what she was saying was true, and he also knew that he wouldn't be able to have anything to do with it. He felt a hand on his arm and turned back to face Cheryl.

"I have to go and see her, but I'll leave it until the morning, ok?"

"You'll have to, Jesse gave her a sedative, she'll be out of it until then anyway."

"Steve, I'm sorry." Cheryl looked at him, and he could see the pain in her eyes.

"Yeah, I know you are. Cheryl, do me a favour, let me know what she says, please."

"Steve, you know I can't do that..." Cheryl moved away from him before he could reply, and as he followed her with his eyes he saw Martin looking over at them. Suddenly he couldn't deal with any of it any more. He turned and left the room without another word.

The next morning Alex drew up to the gatehouse and waited. The guard on duty was round the side of his box and had no idea anyone was there. After a moment he beeped his horn and the guard came rushing back.

"I am sorry, Sir, had you been waiting long?"

"No, not that long, but I'm kind of in a hurry. Doctor Alex Martin, to see Mrs. Travis."

"Ok, thank you, and I apologise again, Sir." The gates swung open, and Alex drove his car through. He had only been here once before, and so as he drove slowly along the road he looked around him. It was a lovely community that Rae and Jesse had chosen to live in, it was always peaceful, and everywhere was neat and tidy. He liked the apartment that he had taken over from Rae, but he could also see the appeal of living somewhere like this. Alex had parked his car, got out, collected his bag and was standing at Rae's door before his thoughts had finished. As he waited for her to answer he heard another car draw up behind him.

Cheryl and Martin got out of their car and saw the young doctor standing on the front step. Glancing at each other they made their way up to stand behind Alex.

"Good morning, Alex, are you hear socially or professionally?"

Alex looked a little taken aback at the formal nature of Cheryl's question. "Ah, professionally, and you?"

"The same I'm afraid."

"Well, I need to see her first, from what I understand she may not be up to seeing anyone today. Whatever professional capacity you are here in." Alex could feel his heart pounding. It was never dull being Rae's doctor. 

"Are any of you gonna come inside?" They all jumped as Jesse's voice cut into their conversation. They walked into the house and Jesse showed them into the living room. "Alex, I know why you are here, Cheryl, Martin, what can I do for you?"

"Jesse, we need to speak to Rae, to interview her about what happened to Jo yesterday."

Alex looked at the two detectives. He knew that Jo was in the hospital, but he had no idea what it had to do with Rae.

"Alex, can you come and see her first? Then we can see what happens after that. Is that all right with you, Cheryl?" Jesse looked over at the detective, who he knew was a friend of Rae's, and Martin who had been close to Rae almost longer than anybody else in LA and saw them both nod at the same time.

Jesse walked Alex to Rae's door and gently tapped on it. They both listened but there was no reply so carefully Jesse pushed it open and indicated that Alex should enter.

Rae was lying with her back to the door, and Alex moved quietly over towards her. "Rae, are you awake?" He purposely kept his voice low so as not to frighten her. Slowly he saw her begin to move and she turned to face him.

"Alex? What are you doing here?" Rae's voice was quiet, but it was strong.

"Jesse called me last night and asked me to come see you today. Do you wanna tell me what's wrong?" As he spoke Alex was getting out his blood pressure cuff, and he began to place it round her arm. She tried to pull back from him, but Alex had a firm hold on her. "Rae, it's me, you know I'm not gonna hurt you. Just hold still and it will soon be over."

"I don't understand why you have to do it anyway, Alex, I'm not sick."

Jesse moved into the room and looked over at her. "Rae, Honey, do you remember what happened yesterday?"

"Jesse, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to leave." Rae's voice turned hard and Alex looked at her in surprise.

"Rae?"

"I don't want him here, Alex, if you are examining me he doesn't have to be here, does he?"

"No, he doesn't… Jesse, would you mind?"

"Yes, I would, but I know I have no choice. I'll be in the lounge, sorry living room, when you've finished." 

Alex watched as his friend and colleague left the room, and he could see from his body language that he was feeling defeated and despairing. Alex turned back to his patient.

"Rae, what's the matter? Why have you have asked Jesse to leave? Rae, what is going on?" Alex knew that he was repeating himself, but he was completely confused by what had just happened.

"Nothing, Alex, you are my doctor not my shrink, I have no idea why you are here, but I guess you know."

"Ok, Rae that's enough, do you want me to look at you? Jesse said that you had a panic attack last night at Bob's…" Alex stopped talking as it became apparent to him that Rae was beginning to remember.

"I was with Steve… I just had to get away from there, I couldn't breathe, I was … I guess I was panic-stricken. Steve brought me home and put me to bed…" Rae's hand went to her mouth as she remembered her dream; she couldn't even begin to talk about it. "I don't remember what happened after that."

"Rae, look at me. What else is going on?"

"Nothing, Alex, just don't go there."

Alex opened his bag and took his stethoscope out. He began to give Rae a physical exam, but his mind was working back and forth between what he was seeing and what he had just heard.

Jesse walked back down towards the living room. Cheryl and Martin were sitting waiting, not saying anything, and if they had been asked both were feeling extremely uncomfortable. Cheryl saw Jesse enter the room and she stood up.

"Cheryl, what is going on here? Why do you need to see Rae so urgently? I was gonna call you this morning, because Steve said that you needed to see her. Couldn't it wait?"

"No, Jesse, it couldn't. I can't say anything else, but I need to talk to her this morning. If you prefer I can take her back to the station."

"No!" Jesse looked horrified. "Can I stay with her while you talk to her?" Jesse saw Cheryl shake her head. He wasn't surprised, but he'd had to ask. The room descended into an uneasy silence, until just over five minutes later Alex came back into the room.

"Alex, how is she?" Jesse was on his feet as soon as he saw Rae's doctor enter the room.

"Jesse, you know I can't answer that." Alex looked at his friend, and seeing the anxiety and concern in his eyes he took a breath. "She isn't ill, Jesse, not physically ill. I think that she's suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder, but it's almost more than that. She seems unwilling or unable to tell us what's the matter." Alex stopped talking for a moment, but he knew he had to tell Cheryl and Martin what he had found. "Cheryl, I can't see any reason why you can't interview her." _I wish I could, because I get the feeling that this could be bad, very bad._

Cheryl and Martin stood up and followed Jesse out of the room. Jesse tapped on the bedroom door and then put his head round and looked at his wife. She was sitting at her dressing table, slowly brushing her hair. She saw Jesse's reflection in the mirror and turned, a cold hard stare on her face.

"Yes." She could feel her resolve begin to weaken, but she couldn't let her feelings out. "What do you want, Jesse?"

"Rae, Cheryl and Martin are here, they need to speak to you about what happened to Jo."

Rae stood up and turned towards the door. "Ok. Maybe we should go into the family room. Jesse, I don't need you to be here, you can go." Rae moved out of the room and the two other detectives followed her. Rae let them into the family room first and then she very pointedly closed the door before Jesse could even see them sit down.

"Rae, we need to ask you some questions about the attack on Jo Walters, and the murder of Lee Tennant." They had decided that Cheryl would start the questions that they had to ask their friend, but Martin would cut in if he felt the need.

"What? Why do you need to ask me about Lee Tennant…?" They could see that her mind was working and Cheryl and Martin sat and waited. Rae began to think. Slowly her mind began to focus on the matter in hand, and some of the confusion she had felt when she had woken up began to disappear. Lee Tennant had been murdered. Maybe if Cheryl and Martin had taken over the case they needed her help. "I can go get my notebook. Everything that I thought or did that night is in it, but you should have my official records. Aren't they good enough?"

Cheryl took a breath. "No, Rae, it's not that. We do have your official documents, and as usual they are fine. That's not what we mean. We need to ask you about what happened during the actual attack."

Now Rae was confused again. If they had all her information why did they need to talk to her? Gradually what Cheryl had said began to make an impression on her,  "You want to know what happened during the actual attack?" Rae stopped talking again. They wanted to know about the car too. Slowly Rae began to realise just what they were getting at. "Do you think I am responsible for what has happened? My God, Texas is my best friend, and Mr. Tennant, he…he lost his son, and you think I… I killed him?"

"No, Rae, we didn't say that." Cheryl looked round at Martin, desperately hoping that he would take over.

"Then what are you saying?" Rae's mind was racing now, these were her friends sitting in front of her, and they were accusing her of murder.  "Jo crashed her car, she wasn't attacked, and Lee Tennant was killed…" Rae stopped talking once again, and her mind went back over what Amanda had told them about the murderer. "He was killed by a left-handed person, one who was short with dark brown hair, and that person stabbed him." Rae ran her fingers through her hair and tried to get her mind under control again.  "God, I didn't think my life could get any worse, but it can can't it?" Rae suddenly stood up; her instinct was to run, to flee the room. She turned towards the door, but Martin was standing in front of it. 

"I can't let you leave this room, Rae."

"What? Why, why can't I go, I … I want to go." Rae stopped talking. She knew she sounded unreasonable. Taking a deep breath she gradually got herself back under control, and bringing her police training to the fore began to speak again. "Am I under arrest, Detective Robertson?" Rae stood eye to eye with her friend. "Am I under arrest?"

"No, Rae, you aren't under arrest, but I need to know where you were when Mr. Tennant was murdered, and I need to know what you were doing by Miss Walters car yesterday."

Rae ran her hands through her hair again, her mind was reeling and as she tried to think back, this time she couldn't get her thoughts under control. "I don't know… I can't remember."

"Rae, you know that isn't a good enough answer. It's not one you would accept, and I can't either." Cheryl moved over towards her friend and placed her hand on her arm. "Come and sit back down, let's talk this through."

Rae did as she was told and sat for a short while trying to sort out her thoughts. Slowly she managed to find her way back to the phone call she received that took her to Lee Tennant's murder scene. "I was in bed. I got a call, got dressed and headed over to the address I was given. Amanda was already there, and Steve and I … well, you must have read our report."

"I have, but there were no fingerprints found, Tennant was killed by a single stab wound through the heart from the back. The murderer was left-handed, short with brown hair." Cheryl repeated the facts again. She couldn't get away from the fact that Rae was the only one who was known to have a connection with Lee and Jo, fitted the description given of the person seen at Tennant's mobile home, and by her own admission couldn't remember why she had been near her friend's car.

"Cheryl I have killed two people in my life, and I was physically sick both times." Rae looked disturbed as she spoke.

"Rae, I hate to say this but you aren't acting rationally now. If you are having blackouts maybe you are doing things that you don't remember."

"No! No! I don't want to hear any more of this. If you want to question me any more you arrest me, otherwise I want you to leave my house… now!" Rae stood and moved purposely towards the door. She stood and waited and Martin having seen Cheryl nod in his direction moved back out of the way. Rae opened the door, then she went to the front door and opened that too. Martin and Cheryl looked at her but they could see that she wasn't going to budge, so, without another word from any of them they left the house.

It took them twenty minutes to get to the trailer park where Lee Tennant had been murdered. The murder scene was no longer taped off, but no one had moved into the deserted mobile home, and taking the key from her pocket, Cheryl opened it up and they entered.

The scene in front of them was almost identical to the one that Steve and Rae had faced. Lee Tennant had lost the thing in his life that he valued the most the day his son had been murdered, after that possessions hadn't mattered any more, and his home had been almost bare. Cheryl took the inventory from Martin and looked down it. Usually there were pages of items listed; this time there was just a single sheet of paper. 

"The rifle was taken away right?" Cheryl moved into the tiny bedroom as she spoke.

"Yeah, it was all legal, he used to hunt apparently. It's back in the evidence lockers. It was all that Steve and Rae removed. There weren't any letters, no bills except for the telephone, and if that had been any smaller they would have owed him money."

"So we have nothing, no murder weapon, no prints, no idea who did it, except that the description could fit Rae, and probably half a million other women in the general area." Cheryl shook her head. When she looked at the Lee Tennant murder on its own Rae faded from the picture, but when she put Jo Walters into the equation she was right up there on her own.

"I really don't think that there is anything here, and I have to say, I don't think Rae did any of this. I can't see her cutting someone's brake line, it's too messy, if she wanted to kill somebody she wouldn't leave that type of evidence to be found. She's a good cop, she could commit the perfect murder, so could you, so could I." Martin had a feeling that saying any more would only get him yelled at, so he stopped talking.

"Yes, thank you, Detective, I don't think I really want to go down that route. Especially as you are the person who shot me and sent me to the bottom of the dock." Cheryl didn't even look up, but her voice was cold enough to freeze the air in the room.

"Yeah, and it was Rae who saved you. That isn't the action of someone who is predisposed to murder people." Martin turned away from Cheryl, he still felt guilty about shooting her when their undercover operation had gone wrong, but in the end he guessed it had been worth it.

They had closed down one of the biggest cocaine importing business working out of the dock area. The warehouse complex that Martin had visited had netted the city one very large tax-dodging criminal and for a while, at least, the streets had been a little safer, there had been less drugs, guns and pornography around. He guessed that things were almost back to normal now, there was always somebody else to step up and take over, but for a while there, they had made a difference.

"Hey, partner what are you thinking?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about Larry Griffin and his boss, now in federal day-care for life and twenty years respectively."

"Yeah, well, you're lucky you didn't join them, you did an awesome job there. But this is our case now, or one of them, let's concentrate on this, ok?"

"Yeah, but I don't think we are gonna find anything here."

"No, me either, let's get back to the precinct and go over Jo Walter's car."

They left the trailer park and timed the journey back. Cheryl began to process the information that they had as Martin drove. Rae could have murdered Tennant and been back in bed in under an hour. If Jesse and Eliana had both been fast asleep she would never have been missed.

Jo's station wagon was in the impound yard and Martin and Cheryl looked at it closely. There was no doubt from the state of the car that if there hadn't been an air bag fitted that the occupant would have died. As they stood there they heard a gasp and turned round.

"My God. The car is a write off!" Steve looked at the wreck in front of him and for a second he had to close his eyes. The thought of Jo being pulled alive from it was almost too much to bear, but the thought of her dying in it was just too awful to contemplate. "You can't honestly believe that Rae did this. It must have been somebody else. Have you checked the records of the gatehouse on their estate? Somebody must have gotten in and done this. You know how wealthy Jo is, maybe that had something to do with it."

"Yeah, I would agree, if she had been kidnapped, or maybe murdered for her life insurance, but her brother is the main beneficiary, and he is almost as wealthy as she is." Cheryl tried to steer Steve away as she spoke to him, but his eyes were fixed on the car. "I already checked that."

"Steve, don't you have to go and get Jo from Community General?" It was Martin who spoke and brought Steve out of his almost trance like state.

"What's the time? Oh, yeah, I'd better be going, she will not be impressed if I am late. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Steve walked back to his car, there was nothing left to identify the car as Jo's. It had been bashed in from the top where it had rolled, and she'd had to be cut free. He had known that she was lucky to be alive, although he hadn't realised quite how lucky. But he refused to believe that Rae could have anything to do with it.

Jo was sitting in a wheelchair by the side of her bed when Steve got there. She was trying to look angry and bored, but she knew it wasn't working. As Steve came into the room she stood up and felt his strong arms as they drew her near to him. She could hear his heart beating in his chest, and the safety and security that she needed rushed around her and once again she was fine.

Steve put her carefully into his truck, she didn't have any broken bones, but she was bruised and sore. The bruises on her face were purple now and the two cuts that she had suffered had been carefully stitched. Steve went round to his side, got in and put his seat belt on. The last time they had done this he had been taken to the beach house and he had been the patient from hell. He knew that Jo had a chance for some pay back, but he knew equally well that she wouldn't take it.

"Did you sleep ok, Honey? Only I can put your seat back a little and you can sleep on the way home."

"No, Steve, I'm fine, I just want to get home, call David to tell him that I am all right, an' then maybe just snuggle up in bed for the day. But I think I might need a guard." She smiled at him then, and his heart sang. 

Steve drove slowly out of the parking lot and into the traffic. He drove along at a sedate pace for a while, the traffic dictating his speed. After about twenty minutes he needed to move over across the lanes of traffic, and seeing a break in the flow he hit the accelerator and moved quickly to the right. 

"Steve, No!" Jo's voice was high and frightened, and Steve hit the brake, swerving back into the lane he had just left. He looked over and saw Jo shaking in her seat next to him and realising what the problem was he slowly drove to a place where he knew he could park and then he moved across the seat to her and took her into his arms once again. 

"Honey, I would never to anything to endanger you, I was fine, and I had plenty of space, but I am so sorry that I scared you." He lifted a hand and gently wiped away her tears.

"Steve, I am the one who should be sorry, I know you are a good driver, an' what you do has never worried me before. I guess it will just take a while for me to get my confidence back."

"Are you all right if we go home now? Or do you want to sit here a little longer?" 

"No, no, I'm fine, just take me home, Steve, please."

Steve started the truck again and rejoined the traffic. This time the journey was uneventful and twenty minutes later they drew up outside Jo's house.

Michael opened the door and although he didn't seem to be moving any faster than usual they could both see that he was hurrying. He opened the passenger side door and gently helped his employer and friend out of Steve's truck.

"Madam, I am so glad that you were able to return home so promptly."

"Thank you, Michael, I don't think you can be quite as glad as I am, but thank you." 

Steve let the English butler guide Jo into the house, where he stopped and turned. "I picked up Miss Eliana from her sitter, Sir, she is in the kitchen fast asleep. Steve smiled and then watched as he took Jo up the stairs. He followed two steps behind them and stopped as he saw Michael pause outside their door.

"I'll take it from here, thank you, Michael." Steve put his arm around Jo's shoulders and then he opened the door with his other hand and they disappeared inside.

Michael watched the closed door for a second or two, and then with a smile he turned and returned to his kitchen, and his sleeping charge.

Steve gently led Jo towards the bed and she sank gratefully down onto it. "Whoah, you know I thought I felt fine when I was in the hospital, but now…"

"Now, what, do you want me to call Dad?" Steve was down on his knees in front of her, concern written all over his face.

"No, Honey, I am just really, really tired. Could you get me a pair of pyjamas from the drawer, an' I will just go to sleep." Jo began to unbutton her shirt, and Steve went over and opened the first drawer he came too. "No, third one down."

"Oh, right, thanks." Steve looked at the beautiful silk creations in the drawer and then he looked at his hands. Suddenly they seemed as large and clumsy as they had when he was wearing his plaster casts. He picked up the top two items and pushed the drawer shut, and then he turned and moved back over towards the bed. 

"Oh, God, Honey, are you sure you're all right?" Steve looked at her, he knew every inch of her beautiful body, but now it was bruised and he could see where the seat belt had left its mark. He put the silky clothes down on the bed and then gently he kissed her shoulder where the mark was at it's worst. Steve picked up the jacket to Jo's nightwear and carefully slipped it up her arms and onto her body, and then he warily did up each button. Jo stood up and finished the job herself, and then seeing that Steve had pulled back the bedding got gratefully into bed and let herself be covered back up.

"Thank you my darlin' I don't suppose you could just lie with me for a little while?"

"Of course, but you have to tell me if I am hurting you." Half an hour later Steve carefully moved his arm away from Jo's body and eased himself off the bed. He walked quickly but quietly out of the room and back down the stairs.


	11. 11 Death of a Friend

Death of a Friend 

Rae had spent the day in her bedroom after first Cheryl and Martin and then Alex had left. Jesse had called Michael and he had been happy to carry on looking after Eliana, and then he had called Sally and asked whether they could work on a day-to-day basis for a while. Jesse had explained a little of what was going on and she had agreed to do that for a week or so, Jesse had promised to keep in touch and then he had put the phone down and realising how exhausted he was had fallen asleep on the sofa.

It was just after three in the afternoon when Jesse heard a noise and saw Rae moving back towards the bedroom, a mug of herbal tea in her hand. He got up and keeping everything crossed began to talk.

"Rae, please, look at me."

"Jesse, I can't." Rae wanted to move away, so that she couldn't see him, but her legs refused to carry out their instructions, and so she stood there as he moved closer to her.

"Rae, just tell me why I can't be here with you, and Eliana as well. We need you, I love you with all my heart, Rae, I thought you knew that, and Eliana, well, you are her mom, everything she is revolves around you. So why, Rae, why can't we come back?"

"Because, because I just can't cope with it, Jesse. Things keep happening, to me, to those people I love and you and Eliana are the two people I love the most, I just want you to go. If I have to hate you for you to do it then I will. If I have to make you hate me then I will do that too." 

"Rae, I could never hate you. Not ever, whatever you do." Jesse moved a little closer and was relieved when Rae didn't retreat, he could see her twisting her engagement ring round on her finger, which she did when she was nervous or up tight. "Rae, when we got married we said 'for better, for worse.' I am not going to leave you or desert you, not ever."

"Please, Jesse, I don't want anything to happen to you, and … and you deserve better." Rae stopped talking; she couldn't really believe that she had actually said that.

"What? I deserve better? Honey, I don't know what you mean, but I do know that I want to find out. Please, come and sit and talk to me."

Rae knew that she couldn't take back what she had said, and also if she wanted him to leave she owed it to him to explain. Slowly she nodded and placing her hot drink on a coaster she sat down on Tony's chair.

"So, how do I deserve better? I don't want anybody but you, Rae. You are all I ever dreamt of. I can't do better than you."

"Jesse, I can't let you near me, every time I do I don't see you I see him, that, that man. He raped me; Jesse, and he did such terrible things to me that I don't think I will ever be able to talk about them. You shouldn't have to live with somebody like that."

"Somebody like what? **He** raped **you**, Rae. That means that he took you by force, you didn't want it to happen, but it did. That makes you a victim, you did nothing wrong. Why wouldn't I want to be with you? I still don't understand."

"Jesse, I feel dirty, tainted. I want to wash and wash and wash, but I know that there is no point, because I will never get the filth he did to me off my body. It's inside of me now, Jesse. It's a part of me. You shouldn't have to touch a woman like that… a woman like me, you should have somebody who is yours and yours alone."

"Rae, oh, God, sweetheart, no, I don't feel like that about you. That never entered my head. You aren't dirty…" Jesse couldn't continue. He felt the tears flood his eyes, and he had to turn away. 

"There, you see, you can't even look at me. I disgust you. I'm sorry, Jesse, I'm sorry that I spoilt what we had, I didn't mean it, but I don't think we will ever get it back."

"No, Rae, I wasn't …" Jesse couldn't continue because the room was empty. Rae had picked up her drink and retreated back to her room. Jesse slumped back on the sofa for a while and tried to sort out in his mind what Rae had just said to him. 

Rae placed her drink down on another coaster on her dressing table and sat and looked at herself in the mirror. She was disgusted every time she saw her face. In fact she hardly ever sat where she could see any of herself in a mirror any more. Slowly Rae put her hand out and picked up the necklace that Eliana had broken. It was a delicate chain and she had always liked it. She picked up her nail file and began to prise open the end links so that she would join them back together. It took her ten minutes to finish the job, and for those ten minutes she didn't have to think about anything else. If she kept busy she kept her gremlins locked away.

Jesse sat for half an hour before he got up and went towards his bedroom. He gently tapped on the door, but didn't wait for a reply. 

"Rae, I want you to listen to me. I turned away, not because I couldn't look at you but because I didn't want you to see me cry. You need to tell Brian what you have told me. Maybe he can help you to sort out your feelings, but you have to know that you are wrong, I don't think any of those things that you said." Jesse paused and then when he could see that Rae wasn't going to say anything more, he began to talk again. "I know you don't want me here, but there is no way I am gonna leave you alone. Tony is coming to stay at the beginning of next week. If you want me to leave then, I will, but until then I will sleep in the spare room, and when Tony goes home, I will be back. Ok?"

Rae just nodded. Part of her was extremely grateful to Jesse for being so understanding, but the other part still wanted him to leave. The grateful half won out for a change, and she turned. "Thank you, Jesse." Rae moved over and drew the curtains against the fading light then, and Jesse knew he was being dismissed.

The two days of the weekend gave people a chance to heal, to collect evidence, to carry on with their lives. Nothing very much was happening, and Rae had spent most of her time in her room. Although she said nothing, when Jesse left the house to go and see Eliana, she felt empty and alone, but she wouldn't go with him, nor would she let him bring their baby home.

Jo had been surprised just how much she had needed to recuperate. When she read articles in the newspapers about people escaping accidents with cuts and bruises she had imagined them going on with their lives almost immediately. Now she knew that wasn't the case. Steve had been in and out of the house all weekend, working, running, just doing all the things he usually did, and the normality of him had helped her a great deal. 

By the Sunday evening Jo was curled up in the living room, a magazine by her hand and her goddaughter in her lap. The little girl had just fitted right into their household, and Jo knew that they would all miss her when she went home. "You, young lady should be going to bed. Your mommy won't thank me for gettin' you into bad habits."

"Mamamadadada." Eliana smiled her happy smile up at her Aunty Jo, and the world seemed a better place for both of them. Jo snuggled the child closer to her and smiled back. 

"Five more minutes then, but it will be bed after that, ok?"

"Dadadadmamadada" Eliana's words were a little muffled by Jo's sweater, but that didn't matter, whenever she spoke her muddled up little sounds they seemed to fit whatever was happening, and right now, life was definitely better when it was a little muffled.

Jesse heard Rae up and about the next morning as he began to stir. The house felt strangely quiet and empty without their daughter in it, and Jesse knew that he would have to go over to Jo's as soon as he could, he just ached to hold Eliana in his arms, to hear her laugh and see her beautiful face in front of his own. There was a tap on the door, and he called out. Slowly it opened and to his delight he saw Rae standing there with a cup of coffee for him.

"Oh, Honey, thank you." He sat up in bed and shuffled over, hoping that she would sit next to him. He was disappointed but not surprised when she just placed the drink on the nightstand and then turned to leave the room. "Rae, I am gonna go and see Eliana again this morning, will you come with me?"

"No, Jesse, I have to go see Brian… I'm sorry, I can't see her, she will forget me quickly enough, I won't see her." Rae rushed out of the room, but not before Jesse had heard the emotion in her voice, and seen the start of tears on her face.

Steve got up for work quietly so that he wouldn't disturb Jo. She had been restless in the night, and now that she seemed to be sleeping peacefully he didn't want to wake her. Grabbing his clothes Steve went to a bathroom down the hallway so the noise of the shower wouldn't be too loud. As he walked past the nursery he heard a noise, and carefully opening the door he peeked in.

Eliana was sitting up in bed, the soft dolly that she slept with in her hands. She was chattering away to it in her own little language, and then as she turned she caught sight of herself in the safety mirror that Jo had hung over the side of the crib. They had bought a proper crib for the room, and now it was decorated with all kinds of sleep toys, but it was her favorite old dolly and the new mirror that seemed to be best loved. Eliana looked at her reflection and smiled. The face smiled back at her and she began to bounce up and down in excitement. Balance, being a skill still to be learnt she ended up on her back, not at all bothered by this she just lay there and gurgled.

Steve closed the door and moved on down the hallway, he couldn't understand how Rae could send her baby away to stay somewhere else. He knew that when she finally moved back with her mommy and daddy he was going to miss her terribly, and he was only an uncle, _and godfather, I am her godfather._ As he put his clothes down on the chair in the bathroom his cell phone began to ring. "Sloan here…Hi Jess, no of course not, she's your baby… No, I'll be at work, will Rae be coming…? Oh, right, yeah, I knew she was seeing Brian just not when …I'll see you soon, Buddy." Steve put his phone on the chair and got ready for his shower. He hoped that Rae would open up to the man, she had stopped talking to him, and, it seemed, to Jesse, so Brian was all she had left.

Cheryl climbed the stairs to the squad room early the next morning, not feeling as if she had actually been away. There was something really bugging her about the problems with Rae, and as yet she hadn't worked out what it was. Part of her couldn't believe that she could have killed Lee Tennant and attacked her best friend, another part of her knew that rational was not a word you would use to describe Rae right now. She walked in through the doorway and stopped as she saw Martin already at his desk.

"Hey, partner, I guess I beat you in, huh?" He didn't smile as he spoke; there was no way he felt like joking at the moment.

"Yeah, you bothered about this Rae thing too?" Cheryl looked at him and could see from the state of his desk that he had either been in very early indeed, or hadn't actually gone home.

"I can't believe that she would do anything like this. She's a good cop, she's my friend, and well, well, she's just Rae."

"Yeah, I know, but like I said to Steve, if it was anybody else we would have had them in here hauling their ass over the coals to find out what the hell was going on." Cheryl moved over to the coffee machine as she spoke. She saw Chapman and Bannister working away at the other end of the room. They were working the sniper case that Steve was on, they had both been here when she left the night before, it seemed that nobody was getting much sleep around the place right now.

Rae had retreated to her safe place after speaking to Jesse, and was sat curled up on the bed, the dog that Alex had bought her on her lap, a picture of Eliana in her hand. It had been taken on her wedding day, and she had been so beautiful. They had found a white lacy dress for her to wear, and she had been so good all day. She missed her so much, but she just didn't dare to go see her, or think about her too much, otherwise she knew that her resolve would fail and she wouldn't be able to do what it was she needed to do. Rae checked her watch and realised that she needed to move if she was to get to Brian on time. He had that strange little man who never interacted with anybody before her, and he always came out dead on time.

Jesse was just putting his breakfast bowl in the dishwasher when he heard a sound behind him, and turning round saw Rae standing in the doorway. He stood and moved towards her, but stopped when she took a step backwards.

"Ok, I won't come any closer, are you off to see Brian?" Jesse saw her nod and then he spoke again. "You look nice, that purple sweater is one of my favourites, and … hey you fixed your chain."

"Yeah, I guess I could have just bought another one, but well, I liked it and it wasn't too hard to mend."

"I'm going to go to Jo's once you go, call me when you get back and I'll come home. I mean it Rae, call me, ok?"

Rae just nodded and then headed out to her car. She waved at the security guard as she went through, and suddenly realised that she wouldn't be able to get back in very easily, because she had lost her smart card.

It took Rae just over half an hour to get to Community General, and she parked in her normal space. Most doctors had a space they parked in, and she guessed she must have picked one that was generally empty. It always seemed to be there waiting for her. She walked in, and up in the elevator and smiled at Helen as she moved over to the desk.

"Hey, Rae, you're bright and early today, how are you?"

Rae knew that Helen was privy to most things that happened in Brian's office, she typed up reports, kept his filing in order, as well as being a fully qualified psychiatric nurse.

"I guess just early would cover it. I don't remember the last time I felt bright, but I will get there, I have too." _You have too much to lose not to._

"Good, I'm glad to hear you say that. You know, I have to tell you something, I know it's gossip, but it did make me laugh. You know Alex Martin, don't you, he's your doctor isn't he?"

Rae nodded, her heart feeling a little lighter as she heard the enjoyment in Helen's voice.

"Well, did Jesse tell you about the auction? It took place last week, and you could bid for a doctor or a nurse for the night. If staff were married then they couldn't take part. There were some other people as well, I think some of the janitorial staff, and the catering department joined in as well. Anyway, Alex put himself up for auction, and he was a smash! It cost the winner $1,500 to go out with him for a night." Helen paused, she was enjoying herself immensely, and not only that she could tell that Rae was reacting to her as well.

"And, there is either an and or a but isn't there?" Rae waited expectantly.

"Oh, yeah! When Alex went to find out who had won him, there are five student nurses standing there, and they all clubbed together, so Friday night he is going out with five student nurses!"

Rae heard herself laugh; she hadn't done that in a while. She leant over and placed her hand on Helen's arm. "Thank you." She turned as she heard the door to Brian's office open and saw the usual scene unfold before her, as the current client came out, across the landing, and into the elevator, without lifting his eyes from the carpet.

"Rae, would you like to come in?"

Rae moved into the office, and shut the door behind her. She sat down and wondered how things would go today. She felt better about herself just because she had been able to laugh for a moment, and, she realised, rather belatedly, that talking to Jesse had also helped.

Jesse pulled up outside Jo's house and climbed out. He had two packages in his hands as he waited for Michael to open the door. 

"Good morning, Doctor Travis, how nice to see you, Sir."

"Thank you, Michael, you are sure it is convenient for me to be here?"

"Of course, your daughter needs to see her daddy." The butler smiled at the doctor, it wasn't his place to comment, but he was very distressed by the situation that seemed to have developed in the Travis household.

Jesse came in and smiled as he saw Jo come down the stairs with Eliana in her arms. As soon as the little girl saw her daddy, she began to babble. "Dadadadadmumum."

Jesse felt a lump in his throat as he smiled at her, it hadn't really been that long since he had seen her, but it felt like eternity. "Hi, Sweetie, oh, Daddy's missed you so much." He put his parcels down and Jo handed his daughter to him. He kissed her gently on the cheek and stroked her softly curling brown hair. Jesse crouched down and picked up his things and then he followed Jo into the living room. There was a playpen in the middle of the room and reluctantly he lowered Eliana into it, he wanted to hold her forever, but he had something to give to Jo. There were all sorts of toys in it, and Jesse could see that his little girl was being spoilt rotten by his Aunty Jo, Uncle Steve and he was sure by Michael as well.

"Jo, this is for you and Steve and Michael, I can't thank you enough for looking after Eliana for us. I wish I could explain everything to you, but I don't understand it all myself." 

"Jesse, you didn't have to do that, it has been a pleasure. Steve even got up at two this mornin' without complainin' an' that is a minor miracle." 

Jesse looked at his wife's best friend, and saw the bruises and marks from her very lucky escape. "Jo, I'm sorry I didn't even ask, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, but…" Jo stopped talking and Jesse moved closer to her. 

"Jo, what's the matter, are you in pain, is there anything I can do to help?"

"You can tell me that you don't think Rae did this to me. Steve said that Cheryl an' Martin think that Rae cut my brake lines!" Jo had seen Jesse over the weekend a few times, but she hadn't mentioned her accident.

"No, I don't think she did it, and neither does Steve, there are a few things that make it look like it might have been her, but you are her best friend, she couldn't hurt anybody, but least of all you."

"Thank you, Jesse, I just needed to hear somebody else sayin' what I knew already." Jo began to tear the paper off the box she held in her hand. Inside was a box of candy.

"There are three layers, one each." Jesse smiled at her. He was useless at buying presents, but candy was always popular. As Jo went and put the candy on the table Jesse ripped at the paper around the other package. Inside it was a pink giraffe. It was soft and cute and as soon as he had seen it Jesse had known he had to get it for his daughter. He handed it to her and she took it from him and immediately began to suck it. In a moment or two the pink soft fur was pink soft, sopping fur, and Eliana was chattering away to it.

Jo moved over and kissed him gently on the cheek, and then, as both of them realised that they needed it they hugged silently for a minute.

Rae came out of Brian's office, just over an hour later and spoke quickly to Helen as she walked across the landing. The session had been unproductive; although she had told some of her fears to Jesse after she had seen Brian the last time, she hadn't been able to repeat them, and Brian had told her that he thought it would be better if she took two days before she came back again, and try to write down some of her fears and worries in that time.

Brian sat in his office, he wrote some notes down about his session with Rae. He was very worried about her, and he knew that this session hadn't helped her at all. She hadn't seemed to be able to open up to him, and normally that hadn't been a problem. Rae had seemed happy and relaxed when she was talking with Helen, but once she had come in and shut the door she had seemed to retreat within herself. Brian looked at his watch; it had been ten minutes since Rae had left, his next client should have arrived by now, he buzzed through to Helen, and waited for her to reply.

Steve parked his car in the parking lot of the precinct, and his mind on everything except the cases he was working on, he moved slowly across towards the entrance. Bob was coming out on his way home as he entered, and they stopped for a moment to talk.

"Bob, you aren't actually leaving are you?" Steve smiled at him, as he spoke.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do in fact have a home to go to, a wife, two children and a dog!" Bob was smiling as well, but if he told the truth he was getting a little fed up with people commenting on how many hours he worked. 

"Yeah, well, I'm getting there, now I have a house and a fiancée, I'll worry about the rest later." Steve realised that it was a lame reply, but he got the feeling that the desk sergeant wasn't really enjoying the conversation and he had no idea how to finish it.

He ran up the stairs and into the squad room, looking round as he did so. He saw Bannister getting himself a coffee and moved over to speak to him.

"Hey, George, anything new?"

"Oh, hey, Steve, no, nothing. We thought that we'd found a pattern, each shooting seemed to be three days apart, we stayed here all night, and nothing, all we have now are two seriously tired detectives and …" George paused as he watched Steve stifle a yawn. "I was gonna say one wide awake one, but you look like you got about as much sleep as we did."

"No, I wasn't up all night, but we have Eliana staying with us right now, and she woke up at two and didn't want to go back to sleep." Steve smiled as he remembered her little face as she saw him lean over the crib, he just loved the way she got so excited when she saw somebody she knew.

Steve made himself a coffee and was about to go and talk to Cheryl when he saw her pick up her phone.

"Homicide, Banks… Ok, no, we'll meet him there. Thank you… Martin, come on, there's been a murder at Community General." Cheryl grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair and Martin picked his up from where it had fallen to the floor.

"Cheryl, wait, Community General, was it Dad who called?" Steve looked across at his old partner, and waited for her to speak.

"No, a shrink, um named … Brian Dobson called it in, that was dispatch." Cheryl was walking out of the door as she spoke, and didn't see the look on Steve's face. 

"Do you know who was killed?" It was Martin who spoke, he was looking at Steve and he could see that the Lieutenant was instantly aware who Brian Dobson was.

"Yeah," Cheryl turned for a moment, "a nurse called Helen Baxter, she was found in the ladies room on the fifth floor, she had been stabbed."

Cheryl and Martin went off down the stairs, and Steve stood at the top for a moment and watched them leave.  He went slowly down towards the parking lot, and got back into his car. As he drew out into the traffic he thought that the worry might overwhelm him.

Rae arrived at the security gate and wound her window down. "Hi, I'm Mrs Travis, I live at number thirty-seven. I don't have my smart card, I left my purse at a restaurant the other night."

"I have you down as already being inside, ma'am. I must be mistaken. Ok, I know you are definitely here this time." The gates swung open and Rae drove through. The street was almost deserted. The gentleman who lived across the street from them was out in his front garden pruning his rose bushes, and a little further down she could see somebody watering their hanging baskets, but that was it. It was almost lunchtime and there were only two people to be seen. Rae loved it; she knew that this was the place she was meant to live.

She went into the house and picked up the mail. There was a letter from her daughter, Mara, which she put to one side, and then she checked the rest. Two bills, and a circular from a credit card company, she put the two bills on the kitchen counter, the circular in the waste basket and turned the kettle on. Five minutes later Rae was sat in Tony's chair opening the letter from her daughter. 

_Dear Mummy,_

_I know that Daddy is coming to see you next week, and he said that I could just give him a letter to give to you, but I wanted to write and tell you that I got the best part in the Christmas play! It is all about a cat that saves all the mice in a church choir, and I play the cat. I have a long ginger tail, and ears, and a blue velvet waistcoat to wear. I know it is nearly Christmas but do you think you could come and see me please? _

_I hope that you and Jesse are still having fun, and I bet Eliana is a big girl now, is she walking yet? Daddy just read this and he says no, she won't be yet._

_I love you mummy, please come visit soon,_

_Lots of love_

_Mara_

_x~x~x~x_

Rae put the letter down on the floor and lay back in the chair. Slowly her eyes began to close and five minutes later she was fast asleep.

Cheryl and Martin took the elevator up to the fifth floor of Community General and were met at the door by a uniformed officer and one of the hospital security guards. Cheryl showed her badge and moved further onto the landing. She could see an office door open and a man sitting inside it. He looked very shocked, and Cheryl guessed that he would be Doctor Dobson, she was sure she had seen him someplace before.  If she had she knew she would soon remember. "Ok, officer, where is the body?"

"Right this way, Detective. Apparently the Doctor's eleven o'clock appointment was late coming in so he buzzed through to his receptionist. When there was no reply he opened his office door, only to find his next client waiting for him, but no receptionist. He moved down the hallway to see if he could see her, and well, this is what he found."

They had arrived at the ladies restroom and Cheryl and Martin could see a body lying just inside the door. The feet of Helen Baxter were holding the door open, and they could see a large pool of blood under the body. 

"Do we know who was the last person to see Ms Baxter?" Martin was looking at the officer as he spoke, his pad ready for him to take notes.

"No, I haven't checked the appointment register yet. The doctor was real shook up, I thought it best to stay with him."

"Ok, thank you." Cheryl pulled on a pair of latex gloves and was about to step round the body when she heard the ping of the elevator and turned to see Amanda coming out.

"Cheryl, what has happened? Oh, my. Helen."

"You knew her, Doctor Bentley?" Martin was looking at the medical examiner and he could tell that she was shocked by what she saw.

"Yes, I've known for her years. She was such a nice lady. You will recognise her too, she was at Rae and Jesse's wedding. I can't imagine anybody wanting to hurt her." Amanda knelt down by the body and began her examination. 

Cheryl realised where she had seen the doctor before. "Did she go to the wedding with Doctor Dobson?" Amanda nodded her head, already concentrating on what lay before her. "Ah, let us know when you're finished, Doctor Bentley, I guess the doorway is a little crowded right now."

"Ok, Cheryl, I imagine I'll be about half an hour."

Steve went straight to the ER and looked about for his Dad. He saw him coming out of a trauma suite and moved across to him.

"Hi, Dad, are you free for a moment?"

"Sure, Son, what's the problem?"

"Come and grab a coffee and I'll explain."

The two men sat on the saggy sofa and slowly Steve began to describe what had happened so far, and how Cheryl and Martin suspected Rae of being at the very least involved in what was going on. Then he told him how Rae had asked Jesse and Eliana to leave, and that he and Jo had been looking after the little girl while Jesse had been trying to get through to Rae and save his marriage. Then with a deep breath he told him about the murder that had occurred that morning, and how Rae had been due to see Brian at about the same time as it had happened.

"What do you want me to do about it, Son?" Mark was looking extremely concerned as he sat and tried to sort out everything that Steve had told him.

"Could you talk to her? Maybe take her for a meal. I know the one I took her for was a wash out, but we could try again. She could just meet with you for a lunch at Bob's, that would be more informal and she might open up to you."

"Ok, if that's what you want me to do, I'll call her when I get home tonight. I don't start work until the afternoon tomorrow, so I could do it before I come in."

Steve stood up. "Thanks Dad. I'll go, I don't want Cheryl to think I have been snooping around." He touched his Dad gently on his arm, and then turned and was gone.

Cheryl moved over towards the desk, she wanted to interview the doctor as soon as she could, but first of all she wanted to find out who had been here that morning. She opened the diary on the desk and felt her heart plummet. "Oh, great."

"What, Cheryl, what is it?" Martin moved behind her and looked over her shoulder. "Oh, God."

"Ok, I am gonna speak with Doctor Dobson, and then… well you know where we have to go then."

Brian Dobson was sitting in his office, his head in his hands. Cheryl tapped gently on the doorframe and he looked up. "Yes, sorry."

"That's ok, Sir. I'm Detective Cheryl Banks, and this is my partner, Detective Martin Robertson. Can we just speak to you for a few minutes?"

"Yes, of course, please won't you come in?" Brian stood as they entered the room, and then sat down, with a weary sigh behind his desk.

"Can you tell me what happened, and how you came to discover the body?"

Slowly Brian began to relate his experiences once again. Martin sat and quietly took down every word. It was a tale that they had heard in one guise or another many times in the past. Each time it had meant the ending of a life, and the start of a nightmare. Finally Brian stared down at his hands, for the second time he had finished telling his story.

"Thank you, Doctor Dobson, I'm so sorry that you have had to suffer this. Had she worked for you for very long?"

"I have been at Community General for ten years, Helen had been with me for every day of that time… I don't even know if I can continue without her."

"Doctor Dobson, I have to ask, you see some of the more, shall we say, fragile members of society, is it possible that anyone that you saw today could have done this?"

Brian shook his head. "No, no, I don't think so. I had seen two clients this morning, one of them is a young man with a lot of problems, but I don't think that he could do that, he has a great deal of trouble communicating with anybody, and I saw him into the elevator, like I do every week. The other client, no, no she couldn't have done this."

"Doctor, I know the names of your two patients, and I will have to interview them both, if this young man has as many problems communicating as you say he does, maybe it would be better if I interviewed him with you close by." Cheryl was aware of the Doctor's eyes on her as she spoke.

"That is very kind and thoughtful of you. Yes, yes that may be the best idea. I really don't think that he could cope with it otherwise. Everything in this world worries him, germs, loud noises, terrorism, aliens, his next-door neighbour's dog. He never made eye contact with … Helen, but to our surprise, he left her a Christmas card last year." Brian swallowed, and then taking a deep breath stood up. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can talk any more right now. If you don't mind, could I answer any other questions tomorrow?"

"Yes of course, we will be in touch with you in the morning to arrange to speak with," she checked her notes,  "Mr. Posner."

"How do you know the name of my patient?" Brian was instantly defensive.

"I took them from the appointment calendar. I'm sorry Doctor, but until we find out who killed your nurse, some of the confidentiality that you value will have to be ignored. Unless they have certain substance abuse problems I can obtain the names of your patients. Right now I don't want their medical histories, just their names."

"Yes, I guess so. I'm sorry, please forgive me for shouting."

Cheryl was about to reply when there was a knock on the door and she turned to see Amanda standing there.

"Excuse me, Doctor Dobson, we'll be in touch tomorrow. If you could just let my associate have your home phone number." Cheryl moved over to where Amanda was standing, and she could tell that the pathologist was still affected by what she had seen.

"I need to talk to you Cheryl, can you come outside?"

"Yeah, sure. What's the problem?"

"She was stabbed, through the heart, from the back, I would say by a left handed person." Amanda stopped talking.

"Just like Lee Tennant." _Oh, great. I should have been a florist like my mom told me._ "Thank you Amanda."

"There's more, Cheryl. When I had the body removed I found this." Amanda was walking as she spoke, and soon the two women were standing looking down at the bloodstained floor. "It was just as it is now, and was in between Helen's feet." There curled up as if it had fallen was a gold chain. There was some hair on the counter by the hand basin, but that could have been there since first thing this morning. The restrooms are only cleaned out each evening."

Rae was woken with a start when she heard the doorbell ring. She got sleepily to her feet and went to answer it. Standing on the step were Cheryl and Martin.

"Hey, Cheryl, Martin, what can I do for you?" Rae was feeling much more cheerful now than when she had arrived home, she decided. Maybe talking to Jesse was the way to go after all.

"Can we come in, Rae? We need to talk to you." Cheryl hated every word she had to say.

"Yeah, sure, what's wrong?"

"Did you have an appointment with Brian Dobson today?" Cheryl had volunteered for the questioning as they had driven over. She knew that Martin had been friends with Rae for longer than she had, and thought that maybe this way it would be easier.

"Yes… Why?" Rae was suddenly on her guard, she looked round and saw that Martin was writing down what was being said.

"What time did you go there?"

"My appointment time was ten o'clock, I left here about half past nine, I looked at my watch just before I left the house, but you can check with the guard if you like, and I was a bit early so I chatted with Helen for about ten minutes before I went in." Rae was watching Martin the whole time. If he seemed to be speeding up his writing she slowed down. She wanted him to get every word right. Somehow she knew it would be important.

"What did you talk about?" Cheryl was watching Martin too. They both seemed to be mesmerised by his writing.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"What did you talk about, with Helen?"

"Oh, about the auction that was held last week, and what had happened to Alex. Then Brian came out and I went in and saw him. Then when my appointment was finished I came out, said bye to Helen… visited the ladies room and came home. I was asleep when you knocked."

"How long were you in the ladies room?" It was Martin who spoke, he was still writing, but he suddenly needed to join in the questioning.

"I don't know, five minutes or so, I guess. I went … well I did what you usually do in there, and then I brushed my hair, and came home."

"And that was all?"

"Yes, no, no, my chain had gotten caught in my jumper, and I untangled it, then I came home."

"Which chain, can you show it to me?"

"Yeah, of course, it's this one." Rae put her hand up to the front of her jumper where the long chain was hanging, but when she felt for it, she couldn't find it. "Oh, it's gone. It must have broken again, I only just mended it, Eliana pulled it off me a little while ago, I repaired it, I guess I didn't do as good a job as I thought I had."

"Rae, we need you to come with us to the station, for further questioning." Cheryl stood up as she spoke.

"Am I under arrest? I seem to recall that your questioning got you nowhere last time you were here, and, as I have no idea what you are trying to find out this time, I don't see how I can help you now either."

"Rae." It was Martin who spoke. He looked over at his partner and saw her nod. "Rae, Helen Baxter was murdered this morning, she was found in the ladies room on the fifth floor of Community General."

"Oh, my God, no, I was just talking to her, we spoke about Alex. Oh …" Rae suddenly stopped talking. "You think I had something to do with this." Rae began to move away from the two detectives in front of her. "No, no, she was my friend, no."

Cheryl moved over towards her friend. "Rae, if you don't come with us voluntarily, we have enough evidence to arrest you and charge you with murder!"


	12. 12 One Small Shuffle

One Small Shuffle 

Jesse was sitting happily bouncing Eliana up and down on his knee and chatting with Jo when they heard the phone ring. A moment or two later Michael came into the room with it in his hand. "Excuse me, Doctor Travis, it is your wife on the phone."

Jesse handed his daughter to the butler, and laughed as he saw the normally solemn face break into a grin. He took the phone and began to speak. "Rae, Honey, are you alright?" He had a feeling that something must be wrong for her to call him.

"Jesse, I need you to find me a lawyer and get him to the station, right now. Please." The phone went dead then, and Jesse looked round in confusion.

"Jesse, what's the matter, there's somethin' wrong with Rae isn't there?" Jo moved over to her friend's side.

"She needs a lawyer, right away at the police station. She didn't say anything else." Jesse looked around in confusion; he had no idea what had just happened.

"Jesse, that's not a problem, I'll just get in touch with mine an' he can meet you there. I guess you are gonna be headin' over to see Rae." Jo was moving over to the desk in the corner of the room as she spoke.

"Yeah, I guess I will be… Sorry, Jo, I can't quite take this all in at the moment." 

Jo picked up her phone book and then moved back to where the phone was lying on the table, she picked it up and dialled a number. "Good mornin' this is Josephine Walters, I would like to speak Mr. Sholte please… Yes I'll hold." Jo turned with a smile. "It helps to be an extremely wealthy an' influential customer, I never have to wait more than a minute or two…Mr. Sholte, good mornin', no, no I'm just fine, I need you to go to the North Hollywood Precinct an' represent a lady there, I don't know anythin' about it, except that she is innocent. Her name is Detective Reagan Yeager…Yes, that's what I said, Detective Reagan Yeager…No Sholte, just do everythin' you need to, an' send any paperwork to me… Goodbye." Jo put the phone back on the table and turned to Jesse. 

"Ok, that is all set up, no worries there. Eliana is settled here, so no worries there either. You just go an' see Rae, an' find out what is going on… an' Jesse, Sholte is a bit of an old woman, but he is the best there is."

Jesse kissed Jo on the cheek, "Thank you, Jo, I don't know what else to say, I'll be back later, I have no idea what's going on, but I'll make sure that I find out real soon." He moved over to where Michael was standing with his daughter in his arms, Jesse ran his finger down her cheek and smiled, her skin felt so soft that it was almost not there. "Michael, thank you, I know you have been looking after Eliana a lot, I really appreciate it."

"Sir, it is my pleasure, it's a long time since I had a baby to look after." Michael smiled as he watched the young man before him turn to walk out of the house. He had suffered so much in the time that he had known him, surely sometime soon life would get easier for all of them.

Jesse drove straight to the precinct and parked next to Steve's car. He went inside and as he waited to let the desk sergeant know why he was there he saw a middle aged man enter the building. He had a black suit on with a striped vest underneath. There was a gold fob watch on a chain hanging across the front of it, and a pair of gold rimmed glasses also on a chain hanging round his neck.  Jesse thought that if the man wasn't a lawyer he should be one, and moved over towards him, forcing a smile to his face. "Hi, are you Mr. Sholte?"

"Yes, and you are?"

"My name is Doctor Jesse Travis, and I'm married to Detective Reagan Yeager."

"Good afternoon, Sir, I'm pleased to meet you." The two men turned to the desk and receiving their visitor badges waited for either Cheryl or Martin to come and see them. 

"Do you have any more information than when Jo spoke to you?" Jesse looked at this man who he hoped would be able to sort out whatever trouble Rae was now in. 

"A little. I contacted the police before I left my office, and apparently your wife has been brought in for questioning about a murder that took place at Community General Hospital this morning. You didn't know that?" Mr. Sholte looked at the young man in front of him, and wondered why he needed to get his information from a lawyer when he was married to the suspect.

"I wasn't at home today, in fact I was with Miss Walters when she phoned you. My wife has been having … a few problems lately, and our daughter is living with Jo and her fiancé right now. I was visiting with her…" Jesse let the words trail away, it sounded so awful when he actually said what was happening, and he still couldn't believe that was the way it really was.

"Jesse, what are you doing here?" Jesse turned as he heard Cheryl's voice behind him.

"You have my wife here, Cheryl, remember? Where do you think I'm gonna be?" Jesse felt himself become instantly defensive.

"Ok, yeah, I guess so, I'm sorry." Cheryl turned, "Mr. Sholte, your reputation precedes you, Sir." Cheryl looked at the man in front of her. He was an extremely expensive lawyer, but he was also an extremely good one. Part of her cheered the fact that he was going to represent Rae, if anybody could get her off it would be him, if she was innocent he would prove it, but another part of her wished it was anybody but Sholte, if Rae was guilty then she would make sure she was punished, although she had a feeling that it would be a case of psychiatric help rather than the worse case scenario, which would be the death penalty, and Sholte was very good at getting his clients the least possible sentence.

"You are very kind, my dear. Now, I believe you have my client with you, I would like to meet with her if I may."

"Certainly, if you will both come this way." Cheryl moved off towards the holding cells and Jesse and Mr. Sholte followed behind her. Jesse hadn't been in this part of the police station for a while, but he had been in the same position that Rae was, when he had been arrested and charged with murder a few years ago himself. Mark's friend had represented him and he hoped that this Sholte guy was as good as Matlock, had eventually been.

Rae was sitting in one of the interview rooms, her head in her hands. She couldn't believe how her life was falling all around her, and once again she seemed to have no control over it. Another person who had known her was now dead, Helen had been an acquaintance, not a close friend, but she had liked her, and, she now realised, looked forward to chatting with her whenever she went to see Brian.

Rae heard the door open and saw a complete stranger walk into the room, followed by Jesse. Although she desperately wanted to send him away so that he didn't get involved, her need for him was much, much stronger, and as soon as she saw him she rushed over to him.

"Jesse, oh, God, Honey, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to get you involved in all this." Rae felt his arms go round her, and hold her tight. Jesse heard her take a deep breath, but her voice came out very faintly. "Help me, Jess, I am so scared. I swear I didn't do any of this, please, help me."

Jesse moved his arms from round her and placed them on her shoulders, and then he took a step back from her. "I know you didn't do anything, nothing will ever make me believe that you are involved in this."

"Ah, would somebody like to introduce me, so that we can get down to business." Sholte's voice penetrated Jesse and Rae's moment and they turned.

"Honey, this is Mr Sholte, he's Jo's lawyer." Jesse moved away and let Rae see the other man in the room.

"Detective Yeager, I'm very pleased to meet you, I have heard of you, and read about your cases, I hope I will be able to be of assistance. Maybe we had better all sit down, and discuss what has happened so far."

Rae and Jesse gradually went through everything that had occurred since Lee Tennant had been found murdered, and Mr Sholte made copious notes. After half an hour there was a knock on the door and they all turned to see Cheryl and Martin waiting there.

"Jesse, you will have to leave now. I'm sorry." Cheryl came into the room, and Martin stood by the door.

"Yeah, I know, is Steve upstairs?" He saw Cheryl nod, and he left the room, his heart still as heavy as stone.

Steve, was sat at his desk reading through the notes Cheryl and Martin had taken about Helen's murder, he couldn't believe what he was reading, if it were him in charge of this case he would have arrested Rae by now, and he knew that Cheryl was treading very carefully, because of who their major suspect was.

He remembered that his dad had arranged to meet with Rae for lunch the next day, and so he had called him and they had changed it to the day after. Steve had a feeling that whatever happened; Rae wouldn't be talking to anybody for a while. 

"Steve?" Jesse had walked right up to his friend's desk before Steve had even been aware of him and Jesse was concerned. "Are you all right?"

"What, oh, Jess, no, not really, are you?"

"No, but Jo has got a lawyer for Rae, so I feel happier about that." 

"Jo got a lawyer for Rae?" 

"Yeah, Sholte, his name is." Jesse looked at the papers on Steve's desk, and so was unaware of Steve's frown.  "Do these have to do with Rae?"

"Yeah, I guess you wanna look too, huh?" Steve smiled at him for a brief second; he would need to speak to Jo about the lawyer problem.

"Oh, I do, I really do."

"Well, just be discreet, ok? I shouldn't be letting you see any of this." Steve managed to stop himself from looking warily around as he spoke.

The two friends sat in almost total silence for just over an hour, they occasionally asked each other a question, but for the most part they just sat and read. At last Jesse looked up at Steve and began to speak.

"She's in big trouble isn't she?"

"Oh, yeah, I have to say, Jesse, I would have arrested and charged her by now if it was anybody but Rae. She had means and opportunity, I can't see a motive yet, but you know that Cheryl and Martin will find one if it's there."

"Steve! You sound as if you think she's guilty." Jesse looked at his friend in horror.

"No, I don't, but…"

"But what? Come on Steve, this is Rae we're talking about. She is an honest person. She doesn't tell lies, it's as simple as that. She's killed two men in her life, and you saw how she was after each one, she was a wreck, but not the kind of wreck she is now."

"Jesse, look." Steve pointed towards the door and he could see Cheryl and Martin come back in through the door.

"Cheryl, what's happened?"

"Rae is downstairs with her lawyer, she's waiting for you. We haven't charged her, Jesse, but only because we can't think of any reason why she would have killed either person, or attacked her friend."

"She didn't do it, Cheryl, and I will prove it." Jesse went out of the room and down the stairs, and he could see Rae and Mr. Sholte waiting for him in the entrance hall.  He moved quickly to Rae's side, and was extremely relieved when she took his hand in hers.

"Jesse, let's go home." 

Rae's voice was shaky, and Jesse could see that she was having trouble holding herself together. They walked out into the parking lot, and Rae's lawyer stopped and placed a hand on her arm.

"I will be in touch with you, Detective Yeager, but I would try to avoid being alone for the foreseeable future. That way you will have a witness should any further … incidents happen."

Rae and Jesse stood and watched as the lawyer moved across the parking lot and then just gaped as he climbed into a dark blue Rolls Royce. "Jesse, how are we ever going to pay that guy?"

"We'll worry about that later, now we need to get our daughter and go home."

"Jesse…" Rae's voice trailed off, suddenly she just wanted to go home, whoever was with her. She climbed into the passenger side of Jesse's car and looked over at her husband. She was still so scared for his safety, but she had a feeling that if things carried on the way they were she may not have a chance to be a part of a family for a long time.

Rae sat and let herself be driven to Texas's house and then she got quietly out of the car. She was surprised at how hard her heart was beating, and how excited she was to see her little girl. Michael opened the door, and she saw her best friend standing in the hallway, her daughter in her arms. Eliana saw Rae just as she saw her and the happy babbling began again. "Daddadaaaamamaaa."

Rae felt the tears rush to her eyes as she took Eliana into her arms and then she felt Texas put her arms round the two of them. "Rae, Honey, I am so sorry, I can't believe everything that is happenin' to you."

Rae, the tears pouring down her face began to realise that she needed her friends, and they wanted to help her. Eliana began to squirm between Rae and Texas and Jesse moved across and gently took her into his arms.

Rae let herself be guided into the living room and she sat down on Jo's sofa. For, a few minutes she just sat there, her eyes closed. For a while it seemed that her nightmare was over, or at least hidden away.

"Rae, can you talk about what has been happenin'?" 

"Texas, if I understood it, I would tell you all about it, but I don't. My life is running out of control and I don't seem to have any say in what is going on. You know, when Leticia Howard attacked me, and when, when Levington took me, I knew what was happening, I wasn't in control, but I, I knew what was happening. Now I don't."

"I don't think any of us do, Rae. But if you didn't kill these people… Hold on Rae," Jesse could see her begin to get defensive. "I know you didn't, I'm sorry I'll word it better. Somebody killed these people, and we have to find out who, and why. I guess we already know how."

"Jesse, anythin' I can do, an' I do mean anythin' you just give me a call. Rae, Honey, that goes for you too. If Jesse has to go out an' leave you alone, you call me, an' I will be there, you have friends, who want to help you, but you have to ask, ok?"

"Thank you. Jesse, I just want to go home." Rae was suddenly so tired that she didn't think she could keep her eyes open a moment longer.

"Ok, I'll just go and get Eliana's bag from the nursery, and then we'll go."

It didn't take them long to get back to the gates to their home, and Rae remembered again about her smart card. "Jess, did anybody find my purse at Bob's? I left it there when I had lunch, or almost had lunch with Steve."

"No, I don't think so." Jesse watched the security guard wave them through, and he pulled up outside their house. "I'll call in a minute and ask the guy on duty. I called in there yesterday, just for five minutes and nobody said anything to me."

They walked into the house, and went into the living room. Jesse put Eliana on the carpet, and then he gently put his arms around Rae and pulled her close to him. "I love you, Rae, whatever it takes, we will get this sorted out, I promise you that."

"I know, and it makes me feel better, but I am still so scared for you, Jesse, what if whoever is doing this comes after you, or Eliana?"

"Honey, we will be ready. It isn't you, but it must be someone, we will find that someone."

Rae put her hand over her mouth as she began to yawn, "I'm sorry, but I am so tired, I am glad you are here, but I just need to go to bed." Rae moved over into the hallway and then down towards her room, she opened the door and went in.

Jesse watched her go, and then he turned back to his daughter who was lying on her front on the carpet watching him. He knew that he wouldn't be allowed into their bedroom, so he got down onto his own stomach and looked at Eliana. She giggled, and to Jesse's amazement she shuffled forwards, just an inch, but she moved on her own. "Rae, Rae, come here, quick!"

Rae heard Jesse's urgent cry, and rushed out of her room, "What, what's the matter?"

She hadn't done anything except stand in the room, and had heard nothing; she couldn't believe anything else could happen today.

"She moved, all by herself, she moved. Look!" Jesse, unaware of what his words had done, was just so excited.

"What?"

"She moved, forwards, look." Jesse moved a little way back, and watched as once again Eliana pushed herself forwards, just an inch with her arms. Jesse looked round and saw a smile break out across his wife's face. She crouched down and picked her little girl up in her arms and kissed her. 

"Who's a clever girl then? Jesse, she probably won't do anything else for a while, she is almost eight months old, but she was early remember."

"Yeah, well, I saw it, I know she can do it, and I wanted you to share… It was great wasn't it?"

"Jess, it was, but it was just one small shuffle for a little girl, not a moonwalk!"

"I know, but it's our little girl, and it means more to me than any moonwalk." 

Rae looked at his happy, friendly, handsome face and her heart was full, just for a moment, of joy. She put an arm out and he moved next to her, and for the first time in a long time, Rae was content to just be a part of her family.


	13. 13 A Perfect Family Day?

A Perfect Family Day? 

It was just after ten the next morning before Rae began to stir. For a moment she was just aware of having had a nice lie in, but then her memories began to come back, and she started to remember what had happened the day before. Slowly she got out of bed and headed towards the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She ached from head to toe, but she guessed that was just reaction to what had happened.

As she entered the kitchen she looked over towards the part of the room that had the kitchen table and Eliana's high chair in it, and there they were, Jesse and their daughter happily eating their breakfast together. Jesse was spooning the white glop that was poetically called Sunshine Orange Breakfast into Eliana's mouth, and she was, as usual, enjoying every mouthful. 

"Hey, good morning, how did you sleep?" Jesse looked over at Rae and smiled.

"Much better than I expected to, have you been putting things in my soup again?"

"Oooh no, I will never do that again, I can't cope with the tongue lashing that goes with it." Jesse carried on feeding the baby and smiling at his wife, she seemed a little happier in herself, and he was extremely grateful for that.

"Are you working today, Jesse?"

"Nope. I took a couple of days to look after you remember, whether you wanted me to or not. I am off today and tomorrow and then Tony is coming, so he can stay with you. I called him and explained a little of what was happening, and he said that he had no problem with staying here, if you didn't want me to."

"I don't know, Jesse, I hadn't even realised that it was so close to the time he was coming. No, I would rather it was you." Rae suddenly felt extremely heavy legged, and she came and sat down at the table, and rested her head in her hands.

"Honey, are you ok?" Jesse was instantly concerned. He ran the spoon across the bowl and fed Eliana the last of her breakfast, and then he put her bottle and the spoon on the tray in front of her and turned his attention to Rae.

"I have no idea, Jess. I just want to sleep and sleep. Is that natural?" Rae looked at him with concern in her eyes. "Alex said I slept to get away from my problems, but it's not that, I just feel shattered."

"I'm not surprised, you had a hell of a day yesterday, and I would suggest that if you want to sleep then that is what you should do. I'm not your doctor, but I can give you something to help you sleep, if you would like."

"No, I didn't dream last night, maybe I'll be ok. I hate taking anything, and lately I seem to do nothing but take medication."

"Ok, but you should have something to eat first, before you go back to sleep." Jesse looked over at his daughter and laughed as he saw the remains of her breakfast now smeared all over her face and in her hair.

"Oh, Jesse, you're supposed to make sure the spoon is clean before you give it to her to practice with!"

"Well, I tell you what, why don't you and she go and have a nice bath together, and I will make you some breakfast and then she will need a nap, you will need a nap and I will mow the lawn. How does that sound?"

"Like a perfect family day, thank you, Jess."

Steve sat at his desk and looked at the drive-by shooting file again. He thought about what George Bannister had said regarding a pattern, and as Steve read through the time line that he had prepared, he realised that there was a pattern, just not the one they had been imagining. The previous three shootings had been three days apart, that was true, but the two before that had been two days apart, and the first one had happened only one day before the second one. There had been one last night, so it would be another three nights before the next one. If there was a pattern for the shooting day, then there must be one for the location. All he had to do was work it out. His mind buzzing with the facts he had just realised, Steve began to make lists, and consult maps. Part of him knew that he was just delighted to get a break in a case, any case, but another part of him knew that he needed this, his life was way too complicated at the moment, and this was something that had no bearing on anything but his job.

Cheryl meanwhile was not enjoying her morning's work at all. She knew and liked Rae, and the woman had saved her life just over a year ago when they had been working undercover together. But she knew that Rae had been severely traumatised by the things that had happened to her since she had lived in LA and if she put her hand on her heart she couldn't say with any certainty that she thought Rae was innocent.

She collected up all the data from the Lee Tennant murder and began to make some notes of her own. Life had been so hectic lately that she hadn't had time to put things down in her own words. As she did so she began to see a pattern emerging. When Lee Tennant had been murdered Rae had put in her file that she had spoken to him the day he had been killed, and that he was feeling a little better about himself. When Jo Walter's brake lines were cut she had been visiting with Rae, and Helen Baxter had been murdered after Rae had been talking to her. So not only had Rae known all of the victims so far, she had been in conversation and close proximity with all of them at around the time of their deaths or accident. Certainly in the cases of Tennant and Baxter they would have felt they had nothing to fear from being near her. 

Cheryl looked at Amanda's notes next. Someone left-handed had stabbed Lee Tennant, through the heart from behind. Cheryl thought about his home, it was small and cramped, and the murderer would probably have had to take a shot from whatever angle they happened to be in when they got an opening. The ladies restroom at Community General had a narrow hallway leading into a wider main room with the cubicles and basins. If the murderer had already been in the room, and it was someone who Helen recognised, then killing her by stabbing her through the heart from the front would have been the same as killing Tennant from behind. She had a clear shot, and she took it. There hadn't been a struggle in either case, and Cheryl was certain that it was a female who had done the killing, a man in the ladies room would have caused Helen to leave, or at least for an altercation to have been overheard. So it was definitely a female murderer, and, although she hated to admit it, Cheryl was now certain that it was Rae who had done the killing. She checked Amanda's notes once again and saw that although without a murder weapon she couldn't be one hundred percent certain, she was as sure as she could be that both killings had been committed with a similar size and shaped knife.

Rae had been asleep, peacefully for just over two hours when Jesse suddenly heard her begin to cry out. Eliana was happily bouncing around in her door bouncer, and was perfectly safe to be left for a few moments, so he rushed into the bedroom, only to see Rae thrashing round on the bed, she wasn't actually speaking, but she was clearly upset and getting more agitated by the second. He moved over to the bed and managed to get his hands onto Rae's arms and push her back down on to the mattress. As he did so he began to speak to her.

"Rae, Rae, it's Jesse, Honey, wake up, it's just a dream, that's all, just a dream." He breathed a sigh of relief as it became apparent that Rae wasn't as deeply involved in her dreams as in the past and she began to show signs of waking up. "Come on Sweetheart, it's all right."

As Rae began to come too, she opened her eyes wide, and Jesse could see the panic and terror reflected in them. "Jesse? Oh, God, Jesse, help me. Make the dreams go away, I'm so ashamed of them." Caught totally off guard Jesse could only look at her and try to understand what she was saying, and then to his delight but also to his surprise, Rae sat up quickly and flung her arms around him.

"What, Rae? What do you mean? You have no control over your dreams, you know that." Rae looked up into his eyes, and he could see that she was beginning to calm down a little. "Why are you ashamed of your dreams?"

As she spoke, Rae moved away from him again. "No reason, I'm sorry I said that." Rae tried to turn from his gaze, but Jesse put a finger gently on her cheek and kept her facing him.

"Rae, you can't keep shutting me out like this. I can help you, if you will let me. Please, tell me what you were dreaming about." Rae carried on looking at him, but he could tell that she was weighing up her options.

"Ok, maybe it will help. It did when I talked to you the other day."

"Good, I'm glad, but we need to go to the living room, Eliana is in her bouncer, and I don't want to leave her alone for too long."

Rae just nodded and slid out of bed. She pulled her jeans on that were on the chair and grabbed a t-shirt from a drawer, then, holding tightly to Jesse's hand they went back to their little girl. When they got to the door of the living room they both stopped and smiled. Eliana had obviously been bounced into submission, and was fast asleep swinging gently back and forwards in the bouncer. Jesse moved to pick her up, but Rae stopped him. "Shhh, she's fine, just leave her where she is. If she fell asleep like that, then she'll stay asleep." They carefully moved round her, thankful that they had double doors leading into the room, and then Jesse sat on the sofa, he was relieved when Rae sat next to him and took hold of his hand again.

"Jesse, I don't know if I can do this."

"Sure you can. This is me, remember, Jesse, and I love you, I want you to know that I am here for you whatever you have to say, nothing will stop me from loving you, nothing." He moved her hand up to his lips, and very gently he kissed it.

Rae took a deep breath, she knew that she had to tell Jesse, he had her in a corner, and she couldn't get out of it, but she realised that she didn't want to escape. She had enough of flight, she had to fight to get her marriage back on track, and then she would concentrate on the rest of her life.

"When you try to kiss me, or touch me, I see … I see him. But I guess you had already worked that out." Rae stopped talking as she saw Jesse nod his head. "That's why I push you away, because I can't accept that it is you touching me, and that you really want to be doing it… But when I dream …" Rae took her hand out of Jesse's as her voice broke, and she fought to keep the tears back.

"Take it slowly, Rae, we have all day." Jesse so desperately wanted to take her into his arms and hold her tightly, but he knew that he couldn't.

Rae took a deep breath, tried to banish the tears and began to speak again. "When I dream, I see him, he is coming towards me, and … and … I don't fight him off. I don't stop him, I just let it happen. Oh, God, Jesse, it's as if in my dreams I want him to do it." This time Rae couldn't stop the tears and they poured down her face, and her whole body shook as the sobs escaped her. 

"Rae, please, come here, come closer," Jesse watched as she fought her demons, and then with an even louder sob she finally turned and accepted the love that had been waiting for her all along.

It was just after one o'clock when Cheryl decided that she couldn't put off searching Rae and Jesse's house any longer. She hadn't discussed it with anyone, but she knew that as Rae was a prime suspect in the murder case she should have already been and looked round.

Martin had gone out to get some lunch for both of them, and so she left a note on his desk and headed off in search of a judge to complete the required paperwork. It took her an hour and a half and very little persuasion to get what she wanted, and then she picked up her partner and they set off for the gated community once again.

They drew up outside the main gates and Cheryl showed her badge. "We don't want to be announced, thank you." The guard looked at her with no expression whatsoever on his face and silently opened the gates and Martin drove through. 

"I don't feel right about this. How can this be? We're talking about Rae. She's a cop, and a good one, not a murderer." Martin pulled up outside Rae's house, got out and slammed the door. Nothing could persuade him that Rae was guilty, still, if she wasn't guilty then they wouldn't find anything, and they could look elsewhere for suspects.

Cheryl rang the doorbell and waited. Jesse came to the door, a smile on his face until he saw who it was. 

"Cheryl, what can we do for you?" 

Cheryl could see Rae standing behind her husband, her daughter in her arms, she looked much more relaxed that she had the last time they had spoken at the station, but then that was probably understandable.

"I need to search your house, Jesse, to see if we can find a murder weapon." Cheryl saw Rae take a step backwards, and Jesse's hands clench into fists.

"I trust you have the necessary paperwork to do that." Jesse's voice was so hard that it almost didn't sound like him.

"Of course, I wouldn't come without it." Cheryl held it up, and Rae moved forward and took it from her.

"We have nothing to hide, you could have come and searched without this." Rae placed her hand on Jesse's arm, "Let them come in, Jess. I have nothing in this house that I am ashamed of." Rae sounded far braver than she felt, but she knew that they wouldn't find anything.

Rae sat Eliana in her high chair, and cut up a banana to keep her occupied. She smiled as she watched her little girl pick up the first piece and squish it between her fingers. Then Rae looked over towards where Martin was working his way through the kitchen cupboards. As she looked on she saw him begin to put things back. "Martin, don't worry, I will put everything away after you have gone. My closets need a clear out."

"Rae, I am so sorry about this." Martin looked so worried about it that Rae almost felt sorry for him.

"I know, I would be doing the same thing if I was in your position." Rae ran her hands through her hair. She suddenly felt very weary. She and Jesse had talked about her dreams for longer than she thought she would be able to, and then she had just sat in his arms and they hadn't talked, no words had been necessary. They had been content to be with each other. Rae knew that she had been shutting him out, and she felt badly about it, but she was so scared for her family and friends that it had seemed the safest way to be.

After about half an hour Martin moved over towards the other end of the kitchen where Rae and Eliana were sitting. "I need to search down here now. Can you go somewhere else?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Come on Sweetie, let's go and play in your room for a while." Eliana was quite happy to just be with her mom and so she let herself be picked up and taken away from the remains of her snack. Rae met Jesse, who was standing in the hallway outside their bedroom.

"I can't believe this Rae, Cheryl is in their going through everything that we own, all our private stuff." Jesse was surprised just how distressed he felt about what was happening to him.

"Honey, I have done this countless times, it is a necessity if crimes are to be solved. We haven't committed any crimes, so we have nothing to worry about." Rae took him by the hand and pulled him with her as she moved towards the nursery.

Cheryl looked into Rae's closet and moved the clothes about. Gradually she took each item of clothing out, checked it and laid it on the bed. Once it was empty Cheryl stood inside the empty shell and checked each corner, and then standing on the dressing table stool she looked in to blanket box at the top. There was nothing in it, and so she got back down and began to check the drawers and the bin. In the bottom of the bin there was a small pile of tissues, which had red stains on them. Cheryl picked them up and sniffed them. With a small smile she dropped them back into the bin, they might be stained red, but it was only nail polish.

It took them another hour to check the rest of the house and then Cheryl came to the door of the nursery. "I need to search in here now."

"Cheryl for God's sake, this is a nursery, what do you think you are gonna find in here, apart from toys, diapers and every now and then a baby." This time Jesse couldn't keep his temper in. He couldn't believe how violated he felt. He was concerned at how calm Rae was about the whole thing, because he knew how much she loved her house.

"Jesse, just let me search the room." Cheryl moved away from the doorway so that there was plenty of room for Jesse, Rae and Eliana to leave.

"Well I guess you are just going to have to work round me, I have no intention of going anywhere." Jesse stood, his arms folded in defiance as he stared at the detective in front of him.

"Doctor Travis, Jesse, please just leave…" Cheryl paused. She had known how protective Jesse would be, but she had a job to do, and for a moment her temper flared. "I don't want to have to arrest you for obstruction."

Jesse couldn't believe what he was hearing he stormed out of the room, pushing past the detective as he did so. He knew that Rae was innocent, and he also knew that soon Cheryl would realise that too. But he wondered whether he would ever be able to treat her as a friend again.

It didn't take long for the nursery to be searched, and Rae and Eliana stayed just outside the door while Cheryl worked. Then Rae put her daughter into her crib and followed the detective back towards the kitchen.  Martin was standing rather awkwardly in the doorway to the living room, and Rae could see that he had two evidence bags in his hand. "Ah, Rae, Jesse, I need to take these away with me to get them analysed to see if they are the murder weapon." He held up the bags and Rae could see two of her best kitchen knives resting in them. Both of them were quite large, and Rae didn't use them very often. She had a small knife, which she kept in the drawer, and she tended to use it for everything except fish and onions. 

"Ok, I didn't do it Martin, you won't find anything on them." Rae looked at the two knives in the bag; they had been a wedding present and were part of a set. She had just recently moved the block they stood in out of sight ready for when Eliana began to explore.

"Rae, there is one knife missing, the largest of the set, do you know where it is?" Martin wished he didn't have to ask.

Rae was surprised, and Martin could hear it in her voice. "No, I have no idea. They were all there the last time I looked. It's a set of five, in a block, are the two smaller ones still there?"

Martin nodded. He hadn't taken them; they were both too small to have been used to kill Helen Baxter.

"Jesse?" Rae looked around at her husband who hadn't said a word while she had been talking with Martin. "Did you know we had lost a knife?" Jesse just shook his head, he didn't like where the conversation was headed, and he wanted no part of it.

Nothing else was said after that. The two detectives had searched the house and knew the knife wasn't there. Cheryl and Martin showed themselves out and Rae went into the living room and collapsed back onto the sofa. Jesse came and sat next to her. "Jesse, I am so sorry that I have got you all caught up in this… this mess. I should have guessed that they would search the place, I could have warned you."

"Don't worry about it, they have gone now, and they didn't find anything concrete. So we can forget about it. They will have to start looking elsewhere, before the trail goes cold." Jesse began to feel a little calmer and more positive once again, he couldn't think about the knife, he knew Rae hadn't done anything, so there would be a rational explanation for where it was, but he would think about that later.  He looked round the room and realised that they needed to begin a major tidying operation right away. "I guess they don't teach you to put the stuff back where it came from then?"

"No, although I always try to. But I have to say I would rather tidy it up myself. If you cook the dinner I will go round and put everything back where it belongs, deal?"

"Deal." Jesse would have agreed to anything if it meant that Rae stayed as calm and friendly as she was at that moment. They had talked quite a bit in the morning, and he felt that he understood far more about what she was going through now than he had before. He didn't think that he had convinced her that her dreams were understandable, but at least now when she woke up in the night, he would know what was happening.

Cheryl and Martin drove to the forensics lab with the knives from Rae's place and explained that they wanted them tested for trace particles of blood. Then with photos of both blades in their possession they headed for Community General to see Amanda.

Amanda had been working almost all day on the latest drive-by shooting for Steve, and she was just about ready to call it a day and go home when Cheryl knocked at her door. "Come in… Cheryl, Martin, what can I do for you?"

"I just wondered whether you could tell from these photos whether either of these could be the weapon that killed Lee Tennant and Helen Baxter." Cheryl lay both photos down on the table.

"I tried to call you about that. Helen Baxter was killed with a different knife to Lee Tennant. Hold on, Cheryl, let me finish." Amanda could see that both the detectives were desperate to speak. "It was the same shape, and if you take into account the different heights of the victims then the angle was similar, but the knife used on Lee Tennant was just your ordinary basic knife, no distinguishing features, but the knife that killed Helen Baxter was different, it made a clear pattern as it went in, and I haven't seen anything like it before. Let me have a look at the pictures, I can give you an idea if you are on the right track." 

The room went silent then as Amanda studied the pictures in front of her. Martin could have sworn that as she began to look at the photos her hand tightened around it, but Amanda gave no other outward impression of shock or concern. "Well, I wouldn't be able to stand up in court and say that either of these could definitely have been the weapon used on either victim, but I could say that they were of a type that could have been used. They are the right shape. Within these four walls, they are more like the idea I have of the weapon used to kill Helen than the one used on Lee Tennant." Amanda looked at them again, they had an identifying mark in the corner of each picture and for a moment the detectives waited while she considered. "I would say that photo two is a little more likely than photo one." Amanda paused; she didn't want to ask the next question.  "Why, do you have a suspect?"

"I can't say, Amanda, you know that. We haven't enough evidence to make an arrest yet." Cheryl's voice was a little clipped, and Amanda looked up sharply.

"You know these look similar to the knives that Ron and I gave Rae and Jesse as a wedding present. I was told when I bought them that they were unique, guess the guy was wrong. We thought it would be funny for a cop and a doctor to get knives from a medical examiner and an FBI Agent." Amanda paused as she saw the reaction from both detectives. "Wait a minute, these aren't similar are they? These are the actual ones. You think Rae did this, that she killed Helen, oh, you can't be serious. Rae? And Lee Tennant? He was killed with a … a discount store knockoff, do you expect to hang that on Rae as well?" Amanda's voice was as cutting as the knives she was talking about.

"There's enough circumstantial evidence to connect the two killings, Amanda. She knew both victims, and Jo…"

"So did I Cheryl." Amanda couldn't stop herself from interrupting. "So did Steve and Mark and Jesse."

"Yeah, but none of you are short, small and have brown hair." Martin still didn't believe she could have done it, but the evidence was getting more damning by the minute. "Amanda, only Rae had the opportunity. Every time she had opportunity." 

Amanda didn't know what else to say and so she just turned away from the two detectives in front of her and she suddenly realised that she needed to end the conversation. "She couldn't do something like that, and now if you will excuse me, I am very busy with a case for Steve." Amanda wanted to ask if Steve knew what they were thinking, but she knew that they wouldn't tell her and so she resolved to go and see him and Jo that evening and find out from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

It was nine at night before Amanda got home from seeing Steve. As she had guessed he had categorically denied that he thought Rae had anything to do with what was happening, and he was furious when he knew that a search had taken place, even though he admitted that he wasn't surprised. By the time Amanda opened her front door she knew that CJ and Dion would both be fast asleep and her sitter would be anxious to get home. She moved into the living room and watched quietly for a moment as she saw her sitter reading the newspaper. The murder of Helen Baxter was still front-page news, and there was a picture of Cheryl and Martin as they left Community General underneath the headline '_Knifewoman Strikes Again.' _Amanda knew that the press would have a field day if they realised that the prime suspect was the same person who had been in the paper almost every week since her arrival from England, and who was a Detective in the LAPD.

Rae began to dream at about three in the morning, and Jesse was by her side in an instant. She hadn't wanted him to sleep with her, so they had reached a compromise and both of them had left their bedroom doors open, and Rae had said that if she dreamt she would want him to come and wake her.

This time Rae was calling out, just like she used too, telling Levington not to hurt her, and to leave her alone. It took Jesse a while to get through to her, as it always seemed to when she was actually talking and crying out, but gradually she began to calm down and then she very slowly opened her eyes.

"Jesse, I'm so sorry." Rae was only half awake, but she knew that she had woken her husband up and she felt instantly guilty.

"It's not a problem, at least not for me it isn't. Do you want to talk about your dream?" He saw Rae nod her head and so taking a deep breath he asked a question he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer to. "Can I get into bed with you then, while you tell me?"

Slowly Rae nodded her head again and then she lifted the covers up and Jesse gratefully slid in next to her. Rae moved up the bed so that she was sitting leaning back against the headboard, she checked the time on her watch and then, hoping that she could put her feelings into words she began to speak.

"I see him, coming towards me, with the scarf in his hands. That never changes, however I dream, the scarf is always there. Sometimes, it is like I told you the other day, he does… he does things to me, and I don't try to stop him, but sometimes, like tonight, he is coming to tie me up, but I am so scared I just can't get away from him, or make him stop." Rae paused. If she shut her eyes she could see his face coming nearer and nearer to her. She remembered how she had fought back when Levington had kidnapped Jesse, how she had shot him and they had all thought it was all over. But they had been wrong, he had come back, and it had been worse, much worse.

"Rae, Honey, are you alright?" Jesse was concerned for her, but he didn't touch her, he wasn't sure what reaction he would get.

"Jesse, did they tell you how he used to tie me up?" Rae's eyes were shining with tears as she spoke.

"No, I didn't ask. Do you want to tell me?" He saw her nod, and swallowing his fear at what he would hear he began to listen.

"Sometimes he would just drug me and tie me up while I was unconscious, but other times … he would come at me with the … the scarf, and I would know what he was going to do…" Rae paused a moment and she saw Jesse look as if he was going to speak and she shook her head. "I'll be all right, I just have to do this at my speed, ok? He used to hold the scarf in his hands so it was taut, as if he was going to strangle me with it… then he would make me lie on the bed… He would drape the scarf across my throat … sometimes I would pass out when he did that." Rae couldn't hold the shiver in that she felt and her whole body shook. "He would tie me so I was in a star shape… He would have made me take my clothes off, or he would have … have done it." Rae began to shake again, she could feel his hands on her, see him pull at the awful clothes he had made her wear. "Oh, God, Jesse, it was … it was just so awful, and I just wanted you … but I didn't even know if you were still alive … and then … then I thought you were dead." The tears began to fall, but Rae willed herself to stop them. She knew she had to finish, had to tell Jesse all of it before her courage failed her.

"Rae, we can stop, any time, you know that." Jesse watched her with so much concern and love in his eyes that Rae was seriously tempted to just let everything else slide back into her memory, but she knew that she couldn't.

"No, I have to finish. Once I was tied up he would take the … scarf, and twist it round my neck…" The shaking began again, but she carried on speaking. "Then he would tie the ends to my wrists… So if I tried to move I pulled it tighter around my neck… I was the one strangling myself…" This time the tears won, and Rae couldn't continue. She began to sob and Jesse, not thinking of anything but the fact that his wife needed him moved up the bed and pulled her towards him. Rae began to freeze in his arms, but then she recognised the gesture for what it was, and sank gratefully into his embrace and let all the tears, hurt and anguish out.

Brian Dobson sat in his lonely office at a quarter to nine the following morning waiting for his first appointment to arrive. He had known Helen Baxter for over fifteen years. She had been a nurse at the hospital he had trained at, and when he had moved to Community General she had come with him. Neither of them had married, and had enjoyed a friendly social life as well as a working relationship. He realised, as he sat there, that his life would be completely empty now that she was gone. 

At nine o'clock he moved out into the reception area, as he had done each time Mr. Posner was due for his appointment and waited for the elevator to arrive. He was always dead on time, and would stay an hour to the minute, and then he would leave. The elevator pinged and the young man exited, his head down and he walked up to the reception desk. He looked around for Helen, and then not seeing her where she should be began to panic. Brian moved forward into his patient's line of sight. "Mr. Posner, I'm sorry that Helen isn't here, but won't you come in?" Brian was extremely grateful when the young man walked into the room, and he shut the door behind him, dreading what was about to take place.

Steve stormed into the station just after nine the following morning, still furious that he had found out about the search at Rae's house from Amanda, but his temper wasn't able to be sated as neither Cheryl nor Martin were in.

Detective Chapman was just pouring himself a cup of coffee, and grabbed another mug when he saw Steve walk across the room. "Thanks, Chapman, I guess I look like I need it, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. Tough night? Have you still got Rae's baby?"

"No, she went home with her mom and dad yesterday, but I was in such a foul mood last night I just didn't get much sleep. I could have done with going to the gym at about two this morning, just to knock the hell out of something not living."

"So, what's the problem, would it help to share?"

"No, it wouldn't help. Cheryl and Martin searched Rae and Jesse's house yesterday, they think that she committed these stabbing murders… See, I knew it wouldn't help to share!"

"Ok, then, maybe we can concentrate on our drive-by shootings instead." Campbell was talking as he moved over to his desk and Steve followed him. He hadn't had a chance to tell him what he had found so far, and he knew that he now only had two more days to work out where the next shooting would be. They had no idea who was actually committing the crimes, but they had been responsible for six deaths so far, and three other people were in the ICU's of various hospitals round this part of the city. 

Steve grabbed an empty chair and then sat at the side of Campbell's desk. He looked at the notes that the other detective had made, and he saw that he hadn't made the connection of the time line. Steve grabbed a piece of paper and began to draw the same type of diagram that he had used to work it out himself, and slowly realisation began to dawn of Detective Campbell.

"I always knew that there was a good reason you made lieutenant, Lieutenant! Ok, so now we just need to find the pattern on the locations."

"Yeah, I know, and so far I haven't had any ideas. But I can't see somebody having a pattern for the dates of the shootings and not for the locations."

"So, where do we start?" Chapman looked at the man next to him and could tell that talking about this case was making him relax a little. 

"It could be alphabetical locations, points on a map. Remember Carter Sweeney's crazy family who were spelling out a name in map pins? I guess we had better get our heads down and start concentrating."

Rae parked Tom in his usual place and looked around her. It was a bright clear day and the sunlight was bouncing off the cars parked around her. Jesse had wanted to come with her, but she had managed to convince him not to. She was meeting Mark for lunch, and she wanted to speak with him on her own. Rae went into Community General in a much better frame of mind. She was ashamed of the way she had shut Jesse out, but she knew that he understood … she hoped that he did, he had suffered a lot of pain and anguish, just as she had, and she knew that she would make it up to him, however long that took.  As the doors to the elevator opened on the fifth floor Rae looked at the empty desk and felt the tears threaten to fall. In her hand she had a single pink rose and she went and placed it on the desk. Then she sat and waited for Brian to come and get her. She got out the notebook that she kept with her in her purse and began to write a note in it. She had wanted to wear the diamond hoop earrings that she had bought with some of the money her father had left her. But when she checked her jewellery box that morning she could only find one of them. She had tried to call Cheryl at the precinct but had been told that she wouldn't be in until the afternoon. Rae wanted to know whether they could remember seeing the pair. She didn't want to move all the furniture around if it hadn't been in the room in the first place, but she couldn't think where else it could be.

Just before her appointment time Rae began to hear raised voices coming from inside the consulting rooms. She tried not to listen, but it was impossible, and she could hear the normally mild mannered Mr. Posner shouting about how let down he was, how it would be Brian's fault if he was found taken over by aliens, or if he couldn't cope with how his life was going. Rae smiled at the two different possibilities that Mr. Posner had chosen. Suddenly the door swung open and the distraught young man came bursting out.

Rae didn't even think what she was doing; she just stood up and moved into Mr. Posner's eye line. "Hold on a second. Wait. Don't go off like this, I don't know what Doctor Dobson said to you, but you need to go back in and sort it out. Whatever he said I am sure that it was for your own good. He is a great doctor. I don't mind waiting, ok? You go and sort things out." Rae smiled at him and was relieved when he nodded, and without a word turned and returned to the room with a very astonished looking Brian Dobson walking in behind him.

Rae sat down with a laugh. She hadn't even thought about what she was doing, but she had dealt with a problem. Perhaps her life wasn't such a dead loss after all. Rae realised that she would be late for her lunch appointment with Mark so she took her cell phone out of her purse and moved away from the door to place her call.

Mark was just coming back into the house after a walk along the beach when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. "Mark Sloan … Hi, Sweetie… no that's not a problem, I'll just phone and put our reservation back, how long do you think? …Ok a half hour and meet you there… Ok, bye." Mark put his phone back in his pocket, and looked at his watch. He smiled; he had been enjoying his walk, now he could continue it for a while longer.

Rae put her phone back into her pocket and turned only to be jostled by the same nurse as before. 

The nurse glared at her, "Watch where you're going."

Rae looked at her and was disturbed to realise just how close to the surface her anger still was. She swallowed down the cutting remark that had come instantly to mind, sat back down and tried to control it. She had been looking forward to being able to tell Brian that she and Jesse had been talking, really talking, and that they were back together again. There was no way that she would let that rude little minx change that. Rae wished she could work out where she knew the nurse from. Still, she was so rude to her that maybe she didn't know her after all. 

After another ten minutes the door opened again, and this time the same routine as usual was acted out in front of her. Rae looked over to her friend and doctor and was saddened by what she saw. He hadn't said anything to her yet, but she could tell how he was suffering, and for a moment the thought flashed through her head _where do psychiatrists go when they need help?_

"Rae, please come in." Brian's voice was soft and low and full of so much emotion that it was hard for her to do as he asked. 

When she was finally settled in her usual chair Brian looked over at her. They had shared so much over the last two years, she had been on an almost unbelievable roller coaster of a ride, and until the last couple of weeks she had been coping very well with it. Now he wasn't so sure.

"Rae, how are you feeling today?"

"Apart from the fact that I feel so sad about Helen I am fine. Much better in fact." Rae tried to smile, but even though she did feel much better, she couldn't make it.

"Do you think you can carry on either without seeing anyone, or go and see a new psychiatrist?"

"No, Brian, I don't. I need to talk to you, I can't imagine not seeing somebody, but I wouldn't want to start all over again with anybody else… You're giving up aren't you?"

"I don't think I can carry on, not at the moment, Rae. I am going to take six months off, and then decide what to do. But right now, working here, without Helen … it's just too hard. But I will carry on with today's consultation if that is what you want."

Rae stood up and shook her head. "No, no, that's all right. I have other things I can do until my lunch appointment with Mark. But you should know that Jesse and Eliana are back at home, and we are talking, really talking."

Rae moved over to where her friend was now standing and held her hand out to him, as he took it she pulled him towards her and gave him a quick hug. As she released him she began to speak. "Thank you, Brian, you have given me my life back and kept me sane over the last two years. I don't know if I will ever trust anybody to help me in the way you have." Rae found herself suddenly overcome with emotion and so she quickly turned and left the room. 

Brian watched her go and then he shut his appointment book and began to clear his desk. He had called most of his patients, but today's two were different. Mr. Posner wouldn't have believed it was him on the phone anyway, so it had been imperative that he actually saw him, and Rae, there was something about her that had meant he needed to tell her face to face what he was going to do. He sighed and picked up his jacket, and then with one last look round he left the room, locked the door and said a silent goodbye to ten years of his life.

Rae had needed to go to the ladies room after her appointment, but she couldn't bring herself to use the one on the fifth floor landing and so she had moved down a floor and then gone in there. She had looked at herself long and hard in the mirror, which was something she didn't do these days. She had to realise that she was still the same person, she had a bit more baggage than before, but she was still Rae. Suddenly she shook herself and checked her watch. She had another twenty minutes before she needed to head off to see Mark. Plenty of time. Slowly Rae walked out of the restroom thinking about what Brian had said to her as she did so.

Rae sat in Tom in the parking lot at BBQ Bob's and wondered how she had got there. Rae felt herself go cold all over as she tried to remember getting into the car and leaving the hospital parking lot, but she couldn't. Rae tried a smile, but still it wouldn't work, she guessed it was a good thing she was meeting with a doctor for lunch.

Rae took a deep breath and climbed out of Tom, then she locked her car and headed towards the building. She could see something outside the door to the restaurant and as she got closer her heart began to beat loudly. She knew what she was going to find. She knelt down and placed her hand on the pulse point on the neck of the unconscious body in the doorway. She couldn't find it and she knew she had to leave, so she moved back and ran to her car. She slammed it into gear and screeched out into the traffic. As she drove she placed a call to the emergency services and then she headed home.

The guard on duty saw the red car coming up the road and opened the gates for it. He recognised it as belonging to the English detective who lived at number 37. Rae didn't even acknowledge him; she just drove through, parked her car and headed into the house. Jesse was making himself and his daughter lunch and looked round in surprise.

"Rae, what's the matter? Rae, you have blood on you." Jesse looked over in horror at the blood that was on her hands and her yellow top.

"I know, I found him, Jesse. I don't remember getting there, but I just knew it would be him, he was bleeding, I guess it's his blood, I called 911 and then I came home, but I don't remember getting there." Rae felt the blood pound in her head and as the dizziness swept over her she looked at her husband and heard his voice coming at her from a thousand miles away.

"Who, Rae, who was it?"

Rae sank to the floor, saying one word as she collapsed. "Mark."


	14. 14 Damning Evidence

Damning Evidence 

Steve was getting nowhere with his research and felt as if his brain belonged to somebody else. They had tried listing the locations alphabetically, by ownership and even tried to find hidden messages in their telephone numbers. In the end Chapman had screwed his page of notes up and hurled it towards the wastebasket.

"Oh, this is ridiculous. There must be a pattern. He almost has a blueprint for when he carries out his attacks, so surely there is one for where." Chapman ran his hands over his almost crew cut hair and Steve was instantly reminded of Rae.

"Yeah, and let's face it, if there is no pattern the guy could get old and die before we ever work out where he is gonna strike next." Steve was tempted to run his own hands through his hair, but he managed to restrain himself.

"I would have gone with location as the most likely link. I know we did the alphabet thing, and looked at map after map after map. But there must be a reason why he is shooting where he is each time." Chapman opened his pad again and started to write down the locations. There had been a pizzeria, a hair salon, a dress shop, a jewellers a florist and a cab company.

Steve looked at the list and began to think again. He knew Chapman was right, the link was right there in front of them. He must be able to solve it, he was a detective after all. He began to write the locations down on his own piece of paper. Then he concentrated on what he had in front of him. The pizzeria had been called Marco's; the hair salon was called Sophisticuts. The dress shop was called Dolly's Dresses, the jewellers had been called Rings 'n' Things, the florist was Blooms and the cab company Tony's Taxi's. He smiled. "You know maybe they were targeted because apart from the pizzeria they all have awful names!"

"Yeah, I can't see my wife wanting to admit she bought her clothes from a place called Dolly's Dresses!"

Steve began to laugh and then got to his feet as he heard his desk phone begin to ring.

"Sloan here."

Campbell could hear the laughter in Steve's voice as he answered his call and the way it disappeared as he listened to what was said to him.

"What? I'm on my way. Amanda, get on to Jesse, I want him to do the surgery." Steve looked round and Campbell could see that all the enjoyment of the last few minutes had been replaced with something that had robbed his friend and colleague of all his colour and almost the power of speech.

"I … I have to go, my Dad's been … stabbed." With that Steve turned grabbed his jacket and left the precinct. Campbell got up with a sigh and headed over to the Captain's office. He knew Newman was used to Steve going off without a word, but he had a feeling that this time it may be a while before he returned.

Steve screeched into the parking lot and rushed into the ER. Alex was just getting his jacket on and Steve raced up to him.

"Alex, where's my Dad, and Jesse?"

"Steve, your Dad is in trauma one with Doctor Collins, and Jesse is gonna come in when I go over and sit with Rae."

"Sit with Rae? Why does she need …" Steve stopped talking for a moment. "No… No, Alex I don't want to hear that she was anywhere near him when this happened."

"Steve it's worse than even that. Cheryl's out in the parking lot, you didn't see her?"

"No, I wasn't looking. My mind was on other things." Steve's words came out as a bark and he wasn't looking at his young friend as he spoke, but trying to see through the glass of trauma one.

"The patient that Doctor Dobson saw before Rae was found murdered in the parking lot, next to where Rae always parks her car, and Jesse said that Rae got home and collapsed. She said she had seen Mark."

"Oh, God. Alex, I can't believe this. Two attacks one resulting in a murder, and Rae is at both locations." Steve sank down in one of the strategically positioned chairs around the ER hallway and put his head in his hands. Alex crouched down next to him.

"Steve, let me call Jo. She can come and stay with you. I promised Jesse I would go to Rae so that he can leave her and Eliana and come to operate on your dad."

"No, Alex, it's alright, I'll call her." Steve took his cell phone from his pocket and found her number. Suddenly he needed to just hear her voice.

The sound of a phone ringing broke the silence of Jo's household. Michael was sitting at the table in the kitchen working out meals for the next week, ready for his main shopping trip, and Jo was pruning the roses that climbed up an arbour in her garden. "Michael, can you get that? I am standin' on the ladder an' I'd rather not get down."

"Of course, Madam." Michael moved towards the phone and picked up the receiver. "Walters residence… Ah, Lieutenant… Yes, she is here… I will inform her straight away, Sir… and I am sure that she will be right in." The butler replaced the receiver and headed out towards the garden.

Once Steve had spoken with Michael he put his phone away and look up as Alex placed a hand on his shoulder. "Steve, I have to go. Jesse won't leave Rae on her own, so he won't be able to come until I get there."

"Yeah, sure, Alex go, go." Steve watched as Alex left the ER and then he stood up and moved over towards the doorway to the trauma suite where his Dad was lying. He could see the mask that was placed over his face, and he knew they were working hard on him. He had no idea how long he had been standing there when he heard his name and turned round to see that Jo was standing behind him.

"Oh, Jo, thank God you're here." Steve moved over towards her and felt her arms as they pulled him tightly to her.

"Shhh, Honey, where else would I be? How is he?"

"I don't know, nobody has been out to see me yet." As Steve spoke he saw the doors open and Doctor Collins came towards him.

"Lieutenant Sloan, Ma'am?"

"It's Steve, and this is my fiancée Jo Walters. Doctor Collins how is my dad?"

"Not good, but it could have been a lot worse. He was stabbed in the side. It's almost as if he was turning round to face his assailant as he was struck. The main problem is that there has been a lot of tissue and muscle damage. I would say that the knife was turned before it was, or as it was, removed."

Jo felt Steve shudder next to her and she kept her arm around him. "He will have to be operated on won't he, to repair all the damage?"

"Yes, ma'am. Doctor Sloan's son, ah, sorry, your fiancé requested that Doctor Travis do the surgery, and we are just waiting for him to arrive. Your father will be taken to x-ray in a moment, and then he will be prepped for Jesse."

"Is he conscious?" Steve wasn't sure which answer would be the best one to hear.

"Almost, he has been trying to speak, but he hasn't said anything yet. He has lost a lot of blood, and is receiving a transfusion as we speak. He will be put on broad spectrum antibiotics once his surgery is completed because the chance of infection is high." 

As Doctor Collins was speaking the doors opened again and Mark was pushed out on a gurney. Steve and Jo turned and were both shocked to see how grey and lifeless he looked. Jo increased the pressure of her arm around Steve and was relieved when he gave her hand a squeeze in return. They moved over to Mark's side as the gurney was stopped for a moment.

Steve placed his hand over that of this father's and realised in that instant all the pain and heartache he had caused him throughout his life. As he stood there Mark's eyes flickered for a second and then as they opened he began to speak. "Who? No… Rae … no please … Rae." Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing, he felt the gurney begin to move and blinking back the tears he leant over and kissed him gently on the forehead before watching him being wheeled away until the elevator doors had shut behind his father and the orderlies, then he turned and buried his head in Jo's shoulder.

Alex arrived at Rae and Jesse's door and waited. They had a doorbell, but nobody ever used it. Because of the security system, and the fact that Rae and Jesse's visitors were always announced over the intercom it meant that the door was always opened the moment anybody arrived.

"Alex, thanks for coming over." Jesse had his jacket on, and his car keys in his hand. He let his friend in and they walked to the bedroom. "She's in here, I sedated her, but only mildly in the end, she was so upset she almost became hysterical."

"Jesse, we don't have time to talk about this right now, because Mark needs you, but we have to discuss it, and soon, ok?"

Jesse just nodded, and he shook hands with his friend, although he wasn't sure why. "Thanks, Alex, I owe you one." Then he turned and left the house.

Once he had checked on Rae, Alex walked down towards the nursery and looked into the room. His goddaughter was fast asleep in her crib, her soft doll in her arms. He stood and just watched her for a long time. He had been so flattered when Rae and Jesse had asked him to be one of Eliana's godparents, and had accepted without hesitation. He remembered back to the day she was born. She had been so tiny, and she was still small, but she had survived, and was a beautiful child. Her baby soft hair was fanned out on her mattress delicately curling into little ringlets. She had a soft giraffe next to her, which looked well loved, and, Alex had to admit with a smile, very well sucked. 

Jesse rushed into the OR and began to scrub up almost without drawing breath. He had seen Steve and Jo just for a second in the doctor's lounge when he had put his head round the door to let them know that he had arrived. Amanda had been sitting there with them, and he had been in and out in only a few moments. Now he tried to calm himself down for the task ahead. He knew that he owed his life to Mark, and although not happy with the situation that brought him here, he was determined to repay that favour.

Cheryl walked slowly down the hallway towards the doctor's lounge. She knew that she would find Steve waiting in there for news of his dad, and she really wanted to know how he was too. She opened the door, and wasn't at all surprised to find both Amanda and Jo waiting with him.

"Steve, Amanda, Jo." Cheryl acknowledged her friends. "Has there been any news?"

"No, not yet, but Jesse is operating, and he will come back here as soon as he is finished." Steve's voice was heavy with the emotions he was just containing.

"Jesse? Do you think that's wise?"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Steve was up on his feet in an instant.

"He's married to the prime suspect in this case. That's what I mean." Cheryl knew that she had information that Steve didn't have yet. "Steve, she was caught on camera in the parking lot attacking Mr. Posner, and then she was seen fleeing the scene at Bob's. There is nothing else I can do, I have to arrest her, and charge her with murder."

Steve thought of what his dad had said and slumped down on the chair. His brain couldn't take in any more. He leant back and shut his eyes. As he did so he felt Jo take hold of his hand and he held it tightly, right now it was the only lifeline he had.

Alex had been playing with Eliana in her nursery for just over an hour, and been in the house for almost three before Rae began to stir. He heard her call out and smiled as he saw Eliana begin to get excited at the sound of her mother's voice. Gently picking the little girl up in his arms he moved towards the noise.

"Jesse, Jess, where are you?" Rae was sat up in bed, her hair was tangled, and she looked as if she needed to be going to sleep not just waking up. She stared at the figure in the doorway, and Alex could tell that she was confused. "Alex, what are you doing here? Where's Jesse?" Rae felt the cold dread grasp at her heart as she realised that her husband wasn't with her.

"Rae, it's all right, he had to go into Community General to operate on Mark. He called me and asked if I would come and stay with you and this little one until he came back. Alex could see all the memories flood back into Rae's mind as he mentioned Mark's name.

"Oh, my God, Mark. Alex, is he all right? What happened to him? I found him, and I got his blood on me, but I don't know what happened"

Alex could see that Rae was getting agitated, so he smiled at her. "Just wait a second, I'll get Eliana's door bouncer from the living room." A moment later Alex was back fixing the contraption to the door frame, he then placed Eliana into it and to the accompaniment of a bouncing spring he began to talk.

"As soon as Amanda heard about Mark she called Steve. We knew first because the paramedics called ahead, and the guy in charge at Bob's today figured that it would be better if Steve heard the news from either Jesse or Amanda so he called the hospital instead of the squad room." Alex paused for a moment as he watched Rae try to take in what he had told her so far. "Steve wanted Jesse to be the one to perform the surgery on his dad, and so Jesse called me and I said I would come and stay with you until he got home. Rae where did you find Mark?"

"He … he was outside Bob's. Not quite at the door, and there was blood, a lot of blood everywhere. I, I got it on my clothes and I knew they would think I had done it, but I didn't even know I was there, I can't remember driving to Bob's, but I was there, and Tom was there, so I must have done, mustn't I?" Rae's words had finally come to a halt after she had run out of breath to speak with.

"You saw Brian this morning didn't you?" Alex didn't want to put words in to her mouth, but he knew through the hospital grapevine that Doctor Dobson had closed down his practice for six months. The fact that she didn't remember getting from the hospital to Bob's worried him more than he could have put into words.

Rae just nodded. Then she began to speak. "Yeah, I did. But I can't go see him any more he isn't going to do it. What will I do without him?"

Alex's heart went out to her, she was so upset and so mixed up right now and there was no doubt in his mind that she needed help. "Honey, I don't know, but I will find somebody for you. I promise you that."

The squeaking of the door bouncer began to get slower and slower, and with a smile that neither of them could withhold they watched as the little girl nodded off to sleep. Her weight meant that the bouncer became a swinger and for a minute or two she was gently swung backwards and forwards. Alex turned back to his patient and placed a hand over hers.

"Rae, what do you remember? After you left Brian I mean."

"I came out and I was early finishing so I went to the ladies room on the fourth floor. I had already called Mark and told him I would be late for lunch."

"Why was that? If you finished early why would you call him and tell him the opposite?"

"Because the guy who goes before me. I don't know his name, but he has way more problems even than me. He came out in a temper, shouting and obviously really upset. Normally the guy never lifts his eyes off the carpet and walks straight into the elevator. I stood up and told him to go back in and sort out his problems and I would wait. He did, and I did too. I called Mark and explained to him and then I just sat there… I was thinking about Helen a bit I think, but I'm not sure. Then the patient came out of the room again, and he was back to his normal self. I went in then."

"What happened when you went into the office?" Alex knew in a minute Rae would want to know why he was asking all these questions, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to answer that.

"He told me he was quitting for six months. I was sad, I'm still sad, for him, for me, but especially for Helen. Then I went to the ladies room like I told you …" Rae stopped talking.

"And then what?"

"And, and then I was at Bob's, and I could see a body on the floor, and I ran up to it and it was Mark's." Rae stopped talking as tears flooded her eyes. She loved Mark like a father, and the sight of him lying there had been a horrific one. "I ran back to Tom and called 911 and then I came home." Rae stopped talking for a minute, relieved to have finished her tale. But then a thought hit her. "Alex, why are you asking me all this?"

Alex was about to tell her, figuring that there was no way around giving her all the information she would require when the sound of the doorbell broke the silence, and waking up with a jolt Eliana began to cry.

Rae got out of bed and picked up her daughter and began to jig her up and down and coo to her. Alex was delighted to see such an interaction between mother and child, especially after Rae had asked Jesse to take her away just the week before. He smiled at the scene in front of him and then went to answer the bell. _Guess I was wrong about the bell!_ He opened the door and felt his heart fall as he saw Cheryl and Martin standing in front of him.

"Doctor Martin, we were told you might be here. May we come in?" It was Cheryl who was doing the talking, which didn't surprise Alex; he knew that she was the senior detective in the partnership, whereas Steve and Rae were almost equal. Rae with her English rank was at the same level as Steve, she had dropped the inspector when she joined the LAPD, but Steve had always treated her as his equal.

"I guess so. Jesse isn't here, he is at the hospital, and Rae is with Eliana in the bedroom. Maybe you would like to take a seat in the living room." Alex wasn't really sure what he should do, but he knew that he couldn't refuse them permission to see Rae. She was awake, and although she had been agitated she was, as he could hear, talking quietly and calmly with her daughter at the moment.

Alex moved quickly from the living room doorway to the bedroom and saw his patient gently playing with her child. "Rae, that was Cheryl and Martin at the door, they want to see you." Alex watched his patient's face for reaction and he could see the terror that flicked up in her eyes.

"About Mark?" Rae looked at Alex and saw him nod his head. "Will you come in with me?"

"Yeah, if you want me to." Alex held his arms out and took Eliana from Rae as she passed her across. Then he followed her into the hallway took the bouncer off the doorframe and carried on towards the living room.

Martin stood up as they entered and Rae could see that he had his notebook out. Cheryl looked Rae in the eye and her heart sank. She just wanted to turn tail and run back to her bedroom, but she knew that that wasn't possible.

"Rae, can you tell me where you were at a quarter to eleven today?" Cheryl's voice was harsh and it was easy to tell that she was already finding the questioning difficult.

"A quarter to eleven? No, no I can't. I don't know where I was. Why?" Rae was puzzled. She had expected to be asked about a later time, when she had found Mark.

"Ok, what is the closest time to that you can remember?"

"I don't know, why do you want to know that? I saw Brian, and then I was at Bob's and Mark was there, and he was bleeding, and I got his blood on me, and I came home, I told you that, didn't I Alex?  I told Jesse too." Rae stopped talking, she was scared, and she didn't know what to do. She had been scared many times over the last few years, scared for her life, for her sanity, for Jesse, but now she was scared for something else, she was scared for her freedom.

It was two and a half hours after Jesse had put his head round the doctor's lounge door that he returned. Steve, Jo and Amanda were still all together sitting quietly on the saggy sofa. People had been in and out the entire time they had been there, but none of them had spoken, and to all intents and purposes life had carried on around them. But now, with the reappearance of Jesse they all became instantly animated.

"Jesse, how is he?" It was Steve who managed to speak first.

"He's in the ICU, but mainly because I want to keep an eye on him. He's not a young man, Steve, and this would have been a terrible injury for anyone of any age. I have repaired all the damage to the muscles and the tissue and now it is just a case of complete bed rest for a while, and then a long slow recuperation process. He was stabbed in a part of the body that is involved in almost every movement that we make, and so it will be more prone to the stitches being stretched and the area being used without him even realising it. It might even be that I have him in a wheelchair for a while, so that he can get out of bed without risking bursting his wound open."

"I need to be with him, Jess, can I go up and see him?" Steve had pulled Jo to her feet before remembering about her bruises. He moved her gently into the arms his worry evident in his eyes. "Honey, I am so sorry."

"Ok, I know." Jo's voice came out in gasps, and she took a tight hold of his hand.

Steve realising that Amanda was still sitting there had turned apologetically and helped her up too.

Jesse waited until all three of them were standing before he began to speak again. "Yeah, room 3937, just two people at a time, and I am only saying that because I think you need the reassurance yourself."

Steve managed to raise a smile and then he looked at Amanda. "Do you mind if Jo and I sit with him to start with?"

"No, of course not, I have cases waiting for me downstairs anyway that I must get back too. But I will just come up and see him, only for a minute, that will be all right won't it Jesse?"

"Of course. I wouldn't expect you to want to do anything else. Look guys, I have to get back home, but I will be back in about four hours to check on him, and then again first thing in the morning, and I have alerted the nurses on duty to call me at home, or if it is suddenly life and death, to get hold of Wil or Alex."

"Wil?"

"Collins. Wil Collins, you may not know him Steve, but he operated on your shoulder."

"Oh, right. Yeah, I just didn't know his first name, I spoke to him today." Steve, Jo and Amanda left the doctor's lounge then and headed for the elevator. Jesse found that his feet were following, and he travelled up with them. It would only take a few minutes and he needed to just look in on his friend once again before he headed home.

Mark was lying in his bed, a mask over his face, and he was obviously still sedated. Steve sat in the chair by the side of him, a position so frequently reversed. Amanda moved to the head of the bed and gently moved Mark's hair back, although it really didn't need it. Then she placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Mark, I will be up to see you again in a little while. You just lie still and mend, ok?" She wiped at the tears that were running down her face and then went over to Steve who stood back up. They hugged each other tightly for a minute and then Steve gave her a kiss on the cheek and she turned to go. Jo was standing just inside the door, and they too hugged gently before Amanda headed back towards her lab.

Steve watched as Jo too gave his father a kiss, and then she straightened the already straight bedclothes and he had to smile. What was it with the two of them that they had to be seen to be doing something? Jo tried to pick up the chair that was the other side of the bed and take it over next to Steve, but as she bent forward all her injuries protested and she gasped for air. Steve moved over and carefully took the chair from her, he placed it next to his own, she sat down and taking a hold of his hand they prepared to wait for as long as it took for Mark to come back to them.

Rae looked over towards Tony's chair. She had always called it that, ever since it had arrived from England. It was her chair, nothing had been said, but when she and Jesse were in the living room in the evenings after Eliana had gone to bed she always used that chair. But now Martin was sitting on it, you didn't sit in it, you sat on it, and she knew she couldn't boot him off. Rae moved over and sat where Jesse usually sat, and found that she felt safer and warmer somehow just because of that.

"So you can't tell me where you were at a quarter to eleven?" Cheryl had asked Rae about four times now. She kept coming back to this one question, and Rae was getting more and more confused.

"No, no, I can't. I don't know. I saw Brian and I called Mark and then I was at Bob's. I don't know what else you want me to say." Rae could feel herself getting upset, and she didn't want to cry, not now.

"When you said you got Mark's blood on you, what do you mean?" Cheryl was on her feet now and walking around the room. Rae's eyes never left her, but Alex was watching Rae almost as intently. If he felt that Rae couldn't cope he would stop the interview.

"I had his blood on me. I had a yellow t-shirt on and I got his blood on me." Rae was puzzled, what else could it mean.

"Where is the t-shirt, Rae?" Cheryl was moving over towards the door, where Eliana was bouncing up and down happily. She crouched down in front of the little girl and smiled. "Hi, Sweetie, you are looking more like your mommy by the day." Cheryl turned back and for a moment wished she and Rae were just friends. "She's beautiful, Rae."

"No! Leave her alone!" Rae couldn't believe how threatened she suddenly felt. "Just don't touch her." Rae had moved quickly across the room towards her daughter, she stood between Eliana and Cheryl before beginning to speak about all the terrible happenings again.  "I don't know where the t-shirt is, you'll have to ask Jesse. I woke up in bed in a pair of pyjamas." 

Alex looked across and realised, rather belatedly that while he had been answering the door Rae had got dressed.

"We need to search your house again, Rae, and I have another search warrant with me." Cheryl turned away from her friend, she felt so hurt by what had happened, and knew that it would turn to anger if she weren't careful.

"Why, why would you need to search the house again? You didn't find anything except the two knives last time. Cheryl, I don't understand what is going on here." Rae's mind was so far removed from the police mode that it was usually in that she couldn't think straight. "I haven't done anything wrong, Cheryl, please you have to believe me."

Jesse pulled in to his drive an hour and a half after he had finished Mark's surgery. He couldn't believe how much working on his friend had drained him. Still now he could go and have a nice bath, play with his daughter and have a quiet evening. He knew that Rae would need some tlc, and he was happy that she would let him be the one to provide it.

As he put his key in the lock and opened the door he could hear Eliana screaming and Alex talking in soothing tones to her. He followed the noises round to the nursery and saw his young friend fastening a diaper and then doing up the babygro chatting to her all the time.

"Honey, shhh, I know you want Mommy, but there was nothing I could do about it. I can't get your dad because his cell phone is turned off, so it's just you and me until Daddy comes home."

"Alex, where's Rae, why isn't she here?" Jesse felt himself go cold all over as he spoke.

"God, Jesse, you frightened the life out of me. I didn't hear you come in." Alex had felt himself jump as Jesse began to talk.

"Alex, where is she, where's Rae?"

"Jesse, Cheryl and Martin took her to the station."

"Cheryl and Martin were here? And Rae saw them, without Mr. Sholte being present? Alex you should have stopped that."

"Mr. Sholte, who is Mr. Sholte?" Alex was feeling more puzzled by the second, and he had an awful feeling that Jesse was about to blame him for everything that had happened.

"Sholte is her lawyer, Alex, why did they take her to the station?" Jesse was shouting now, and his daughter began to cry once again. He felt instantly guilty, and lowered his voice. "Honey, Daddy's sorry, Alex tell me."

Alex took a deep breath. "Jesse, they arrested her. Rae has been charged with three counts of murder and two of attempted murder!"


	15. 15 The Nightmare Begins

The Nightmare Begins 

Jesse had to sit down for a moment, his mind was spinning. "They arrested her? My, God, don't they know how fragile she is at the moment; how the hell could you let them take her? You're her physician you should've told them she wouldn't be able to cope with it." Jesse's voice was getting stronger with every word, and Eliana began to cry even louder.

Alex began to rock the little girl as he spoke, "Jesse, stop it. I couldn't leave Eliana alone, it isn't my place to take her to her sitter, and Rae was still functioning, I weighed up my options and it seemed more important to stay with your daughter."

Jesse calmed down a little as he listened to Alex's words. "Ok, I'm sorry, Alex. But now we need to get to Rae. Let me call Sally and see if she can have Eliana for a few days, and then we can go."

Alex and Jesse put together enough equipment for a hike to the Himalayas and then headed off for Eliana's sitter's house. They drew up outside the ranch style home and they could see a worried face looking out of the window as they walked up the path and the front door opened. "Oh, my goodness, now you both come inside, and bring that baby with you. Jesse, I don't know what to say, you must be so worried." Sally stopped talking and turned to Alex. "Hi, I don't think we have met before, are you a friend of Rae's?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I'm Doctor Alex Martin, and I'm Eliana's godfather too." Alex just loved introducing himself as a doctor it made him feel really proud, but he realised for the first time, that telling this lady that he was one of the godparents was a wonderful feeling as well.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Doctor Martin, you have a delightful goddaughter."

He blushed. "Alex please, and I have to admit, I know that."

Jesse was getting very fidgety beside them and he handed his daughter over in a bid to get the two people in front of him to stop talking.

"Jess, come on we need to go." Alex turned as he saw Eliana being moved in front of him. He leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek, and then Jesse did the same. As they moved back to the car both men looked back to see her in the doorway, her soft doll in her hands, happily cuddled up to Sally.

"Wow, that's a weight off our minds isn't it?" Alex watched the scene until Jesse's car had moved away and the house was no longer in sight.

"Oh, yeah, she's just great. Rae knew straight away that she was the one to look after Eliana and she was right. They just love each other, and she will be safe there for however long it takes us to sort out Rae." Jesse put his daughter to the back of his mind. The knowledge that she was in a warm and loving environment was reassuring enough that he knew he wouldn't have to worry about her at all while he was trying to get Rae released.

By the time that Alex and Jesse arrived at the precinct the evening was just beginning to draw in, there was a chill in the air, and Jesse pulled his jacket round him as they hurried into the station. The last warm evening had been the night of Mark's party. It had been getting colder ever since. He realised that Tony was arriving the next morning, and he would have to do something about that too. Suddenly he felt extremely weary, but he had a feeling that he was in for a long night, and it might not be until tomorrow before he had a chance to sleep. Jesse got out his cell phone and put a call through to Wil Collins and asked him to check on Mark for him. He knew that he should be there for his special patient, but Rae was his wife, and right now, in his eyes, she needed him more.

Cheryl came down the stairs to the front desk and waved Jesse and Alex over. "Hi guys, Jesse, Rae had her detention hearing and pleaded not guilty, she has been taken away from here now, she'll spend the night in the county jail and go to court again tomorrow or the next day."

"Cheryl, you know that she didn't do this, and you know that she isn't in a fit state to spend any time in a woman's jail. Everybody will know who she is. God, I can't even think about it."

"Jesse, we have witnesses this time, and film footage. She is guilty, and we will get a conviction. Murder one. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, right, I can see it written all over your face. C'mon Alex, let's go. We need to get on to Sholte and get some bail posted."

Cheryl moved over and stood right in front of Jesse, as she had a feeling that he wouldn't look at her otherwise. "She won't get bail, Jesse. She has been charged with three counts of murder, there is no way that any judge on this earth will allow her to be released."

"Yeah, well, I still have to try."

"Cheryl?" It was Alex who spoke and the detective turned and looked at him. She didn't know him very well, but she knew that Rae liked and trusted him.

"Yes, Alex?"

"I'm Rae's doctor, can you arrange for me to see her, tonight, right now, if possible?"

"No, I can't, I don't know if you understand how these things work, but how about if I find out who the doctor was that examined her when she arrived at the jail? You could speak to him, but she knew what was going on, Alex, I wouldn't have charged her if I thought she wasn't able to understand what I was saying, and the repercussions of her arrest."

"I should have been with her, but I had Eliana to tend to first, now, as her physician I need to see her."

"Alex, if I hadn't thought she was fit to be charged, I wouldn't have charged her. I know I'm the bad guy here, but Rae is my friend, and I hate this." Cheryl had raised her voice as she repeated herself, but suddenly she felt her heart begin to pound, and turned away. She was having enough trouble keeping the lid on her emotions without showing it to the two men in front of her.

"Get me the number of the doctor then, Cheryl, and I'll call him." Alex checked his watch; it wasn't too late to get in contact with anybody at the jail.

Cheryl headed back to the stairs, and was soon out of sight of Alex and Jesse. They both sat down and waited in total silence. Neither of them had any idea what to say to the other. They had both been in difficult situations in their lives, but this was running away from them. If they didn't do anything they knew that Rae could be lost forever. Jesse remembered that he hadn't spoken to Sholte and he got his cell phone out and made the call.

Five minutes later Martin came over to the two friends. "Guys, here is the number you wanted. Jesse, I'm real sorry about this, I don't think Rae did it, and I want to help all I can, but there is such a strong case against her…" Martin stopped talking, he wasn't sure what else he could say.

Steve and Jo had sat with Mark well into the night before he showed any sign of coming round from the anaesthetic and when he did Steve almost wished that he'd stayed asleep.

It was Jo who noticed that Mark was beginning to stir. "Honey, I think you need to get Doctor Collins up here, your Daddy is startin' to wake up."

Steve almost shot out of his chair. He had been leaning back with his eyes shut trying to stop thinking about the memory of his Dad lying there so still, but the words that he had spoken kept reverberating round his mind, Steve didn't think he would be able to ever forget how he had looked when he had been taken to x-ray.

He moved quickly to the phone on the wall and called down to get Doctor Collins paged. Then he sat back in the chair and gently took his Dad's hand in his own.

"Dad, Dad, can you hear me?"

Mark's eyelids began to flutter, and then he began to move, and a wave of pain passed over his face. "Rae… no, don't … No, no …" Mark coughed and the pain clouded his features once again. Steve turned to Jo as he heard the words, and saw Doctor Collins standing in the doorway, and the shock that he and Jo felt was reflected in the doctor's face.

"Ah, Steve, Ma'am, I need to check him over, do you want to wait in the hallway?" Wil had no idea what to say, but he knew that what Mark had just said was worrying the two people in front of him.

Jo stopped as she got to the Doctor. "It's Jo, you can't keep callin' me Ma'am, makes me feel old." Jo so wanted to tell him not to pay any attention to Mark, that it was the anaesthetic talking, but she couldn't because, as she looked at the man who would be her father in law, she was no longer sure. She walked out into the hallway in a daze and sat down on the first chair she came to. She felt Steve's hand on hers and she turned to him.

"Honey, is it possible that Rae did do this? Maybe everythin' that has happened has sent her so close to the edge that she really doesn't know what she's doing." Jo was suddenly sure that, even with all the problems she'd had, Rae would be incapable of such things, but she knew her friend had been badly traumatised, and she had needed to voice her fears, but as she heard herself speak she just knew that Rae was innocent.

Steve leant back so that his head was resting against the wall. "I so wanted to believe that she was blameless, she was the best partner I'd ever had, we just worked so well together, and now… now I have to face that fact that she tried to kill the two people I love the most in the whole world… why would she do that?"

"Honey, I won't ever believe that she cut my brake lines. It's just not the type of thing she would do. It is the act of a coward, an' whatever she may be, Rae is not a coward. She has been through life threatenin' an' alterin' situations, an' she has survived them, she would never cut somebody's brake lines."

"But you think she would stab somebody? In every case, somebody that she knew and liked was either attacked or murdered. Lee Tennant, she used to go in and see him whenever she could, after he lost his son. She always had a kind word and a few minutes to spare if she saw him in the hospital. Then Helen Baxter was killed. I don't know what Rae thought of her, but I know how much she admires and needs Brian Dobson, I don't think she would ever do anything to hurt him, and killing Helen would do that. Also, she never mentioned the nurse in a derogatory way, Rae didn't dislike people, she always tried to find something good about them. She didn't always succeed, but she tried."

"Steve, you are talkin' about her as if she is dead."

"If she is found guilty Jo, she will be." Steve turned away as he saw the horror in Jo's eyes.

"An' your Dad? Steve she loves your Dad, she couldn't do that. She asked him to give her away at her weddin." Jo ran out of words. She didn't believe that her best friend was a murderer, but she had heard Mark's words, and Jesse had said that Mark had been turning as he was attacked, so he would have seen her. Jo shook her head. Whatever way she looked at it, they were in the middle of an impossible situation.

It took Alex half an hour to get through to Doctor Jacobs at County Jail, and another ten minutes to make him understand why he was calling. Alex knew it was late, and he had often worked all nighters followed by a whole day, but he usually understood Basic English at the end of it.

"Mr. Martin…"

"Doctor Martin, I am Doctor Alex Martin, from Community General Hospital and you have one of my patients there, she only arrived today. Her name is Reagan …"

"Oh, yes, the detective." Doctor Jacobs voice seemed to take on a rather nasty edge.

"That's right, I would like you to give me your opinion of her mental state when she was … admitted." Alex couldn't think of another word to describe what had happened to Rae.

"Oh." Realisation dawned at the end of the phone line, "Hold on, I'll just get her papers… Can I call you back?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm at North Hollywood in the homicide department. Just ask for me when you call." Alex put the phone down with a loud bang. "Idiot."

"Alex, what is going on?" Jesse had been getting more and more agitated by the minute, and in the end Alex had turned away so that he wouldn't break his concentration.

"Jesse, just stand still, and I'll tell you… I think Doctor Jacobs is checking me out. He is gonna call back here, once he has her papers. Well, in that time I would imagine he will check that I really am her doctor, then he will call this number and check that I'm here, then he will speak to Cheryl, and then to me. That is what I think is going on."

"And Rae?"

"Jess, when I know anything, I will tell you, ok?"

Jesse went over and sat at Rae's desk. It had become the general resting place for anything that didn't have a home elsewhere, and had stacks of new pads piled high on one side, three filing trays full of maps and a stationary order form stuck to the other side, with 'please complete by Monday' written on it. Jesse sighed and shut his eyes. He could see his wife sitting at this desk, its surface perfectly clear and in order, a phone to her ear as she worked at the job she loved. He brushed a stray hair from his face and took a deep breath. On the front of the desk next to her pen tray and telephone was a picture of her three other children; he hadn't called them yet to tell them that their mother was in trouble once again. This time he would leave it to Tony. The noises of the squad room seemed to crowd around him, and for a moment he felt completely surrounded by insurmountable problems. He had a baby daughter he couldn't care for, his wife was in jail, her children would have to be told, her first husband was at this very moment flying over to conduct business in LA and was planning to stay with them, and one of the most important people in his life was lying in a critical condition in hospital, and he could do nothing about any of these problems, nothing.

"Jesse, Jess? Are you all right?" The voice of Alex cut through his panic and Jesse realised that at the very least he had shut his eyes for a moment.

"What? Oh, yeah, Alex, I'm just dandy!" Jesse couldn't help the fact that he snapped at his friend and colleague.

"Jess, I've been talking on the phone to Doctor Jacobs for the past fifteen minutes." Alex was very concerned about Jesse. He knew he was under an extreme amount of pressure at the moment, but if Jesse cracked then he had a feeling that Rae would too.

Jesse took a deep breath and tried to wake himself up. "What did he say? Can we go see her? Is she all right? Should she be receiving medical care…?" Jesse only stopped talking when he felt Alex's hand on his arm.

"Jesse, I can't go and see her tonight, but Sholte has an appointment to see her at nine in the morning and I am going to go in at the same time."

"And me, what about me?" Jesse looked at him, the panic just below the surface. He realised that however much Rae might want to see him, his need was just as great if not greater than hers.

"Rae has to send you a form to fill in requesting permission to visit. Once you receive it and fill it in you send it back and then once it has been processed you will be able to go and see her." Alex knew what Jesse was going to ask, and that he wasn't going to like the answer.

"And how long does that take?"

"About thirty days."

"Thirty Days!" Jesse was absolutely incredulous, he stood up and the chair shot back across the floor and banged into the wall behind. "I can't wait thirty days, she can't wait thirty days. My God, this will absolutely destroy her." Jesse sank back into the seat and pulled it back behind Rae's desk then he put his head in his hands.

"Jesse, there is nothing we can do tonight. Dr. Jacobs told me that Rae was quite upset when she arrived and he has arranged for her to spend the night in the hospital wing. She has been sedated and was fast asleep when I spoke to him." Alex thought it was wise not to mention that every time the doctor had said Rae's name he had practically spat it out, and when he had asked if Jacobs had a problem with her he said that he hated dirty cops. Alex knew that Rae was going to get that all along the line. She had already been tried and found guilty, and there was nothing, tonight, that they could do about that.

Doctor Jacobs had slammed the phone down once he had finished speaking to the doctor from Community General. Young upstart. He had sounded about three years old and he knew that he had taken his temper out on him. He didn't like to admit it but he was changing his opinion of the woman in his care. He had still been short when speaking about her to Doctor Martin… Doctor Martin… probably got his licence from Fisher Price Toys. _And you are jealous. He is just starting out and you have about two years left._  He looked over at the woman fast asleep in the end cubicle of his medical ward and shook his head. Bent cops, happened every day, but murder, multiple murder was more unusual. He was surprised to realise that he actually felt a little sorry for her. She had been polite and pleasant when she had arrived, a little disoriented and obviously upset, but she had undergone the examinations, which he knew a lot of women found humiliating without a word of dissent, and that was unusual in itself. As he sat and drank his coffee he thought about how she had behaved with him.

"Detective, do you know where you are?" He realised now that he had spoken very abruptly to her, and he had been pleased when he saw her shy away from his vicious tone of voice. Her examination had included a strip search by a female nurse, and by the time he began talking to her again she was wearing a medical gown. She had also had the medical exam which had shown that she was fit enough to be detained.

"Yes, Sir, I think so. I'm in jail, aren't I?" 

"I can't find anything physically wrong with you, but I need to know that you understand why you are here."

"Yes, I'm here because they think I killed Lee Tennant and Helen, and … and somebody else, I can't remember his name. But I didn't. I really didn't, I just couldn't do that." Rae's voice had been full of confusion and it wavered as she spoke.

Doctor Jacobs had had a tick list in front of him, he had no idea if it was standard practice, but he used it to make sure that, in his opinion, all his patients were fit to be there. It was his benchmark and unless somebody told him otherwise he would continue to use it. He began to read the questions off the sheet, although he knew them all by heart, he had been using it for the last fifteen years.

"What is your full name?"

"My name is Reagan Susan Travis." Rae had smiled slightly as she said her surname.

"But you don't use your married name do you?"

"No, I'm Reagan Yeager at work."

"What do you do for a living?" He knew the answer to all these questions, and most people knew the answers to the first three or four of them, it was after them that life sometimes got interesting.

"I'm a detective with the LAPD… Or I was, I guess right now I'm not am I?" Rae had looked up and the pain and grief in her eyes had been the first thing that had begun to tap away at his inherent dislike for dirty cops. They were guilty until proven innocent to him, not the other way round.

"Are you married?"

"Oh, yes." Rae had really smiled then. "I am married to Doctor Jesse Travis, and we have a little girl called Eliana."

Well that answered the next two questions on his list; so he moved on down to number six. "Who is the President of the United States?" This wasn't such a loaded question any more. That last guy had caused some problems. There had been so many wise guys who said that his wife was in charge that he had seriously contemplated removing the question.

"Bush… I … I can't remember his first name… I'm sorry." Rae didn't look up this time, and Doctor Jacobs had been surprised. Hardly anyone apologised if they didn't know the answer, and she had been right. Either that or she was really living in the past.

"How did you get here?" He was working on her short-term memory. Long-term memory would come later.

"I came in a van." He could hear the puzzlement in her voice, and he resisted the chance to chuckle. He really needed to change the wording on that question. 

"Ok, what happened to you so that you were brought here?"

Rae had thought for a moment, and then she looked up. "You mean that Cheryl and Martin arrested me at home, and Alex stayed to look after Eliana and I had to go to the station alone? Then they questioned me, I saw a judge and I came here. Is that right?"

He had seen that she was pulling at the gown she was wearing, and his heart softened a little more. The Christian names of the two detectives weren't on his forms so he had to add a question. "What were the surnames of the officers who arrested you?"

"Oh, sorry. Detective Cheryl Banks, and Detective Martin Robertson. They are my friends, or at least I thought they were."

"Do you know what will happen to you next?"

"I guess I will have to go to a … a cell, and spend the night here, right?"

Doctor Jacobs looked at her again. She must be an intelligent woman; she was a cop after all, one of the best and the brightest if all he had read was to be believed. She had been sent on secondment to LA as one of Scotland Yard's best female officers, and once her year was up she had requested and been given a permanent transfer. He also knew that ever since she stepped off the plane her life had been traumatic and fast paced. But she seemed to be taking everything he said to her at face value. She didn't look between the words to gain the true meaning of the questions, and he had a feeling that if he told her she needed to pull her socks up she would look down to see if that was indeed the case. "And then, what will happen, legally I mean?"

"I will have a preliminary hearing, and I won't get bail, and then I will go to trial."

Normally this was the time that people professed their innocence. _'There was knife dripping with blood in my hand doctor, but I didn't do it!' _But she hadn't said anything about her case, and it was clear that she had no intention of doing so. He decided to switch to the long-term memory instead of going through his questions about a lawyer. "Ma'am, is your mom still alive?" He was working blind now, but he was a kind and gentle man and he could normally tell when they were telling the truth.

"Yeah, she's still alive. I haven't seen her in two years, she lives in London."

"What school did you go to?"

"Thanet Technical School…" Rae thought for a moment, then smiled and the doctor could tell that she was looking into her memories. "I used to wear a hat." She had begun to yawn then and Doctor Jacobs had finished the session. He had suggested to her, to his own surprise, that she should spend the night in the hospital wing, and she had just nodded. Once he had made sure that she was settled he had sat down to write up his notes and had been interrupted by Doctor Martin. It was funny, but now that he had gone over all the happenings in his mind, he wasn't even angry with that young man any more. He drained his now cold coffee and went back to his half finished report.

Doctor Collins had checked Mark over, and Steve was feeling quite confident until he saw the Doctor remove the dressing on the wound. Then he saw him take a deep breath and Steve felt his world stop.

"What, what?"

"I think this looks  sore." Wil looked at the stitches and he could see that they were a little more vivid and slightly more puffy than he would have expected.

"But he is on broad spectrum antibiotics, Wil, shouldn't that get any infection under control?"

"Normally it would give him a fighting chance, but where he was stabbed there is an increased risk because of the colon and the bowel location. If the knife perforates either of them then it can let all the waste products back into the body. But if it is just nicked it will seep out, and cause just as much trouble. I am gonna have to keep a close eye on him, just in case."

"Why didn't Jesse check for that?" All Steve's anger welled up, and for a moment he was back in the doctor's lounge and he could hear Cheryl asking if it was wise to let Jesse operate on his father. He tried to shake the sound of her words from his ears, but found that for a few seconds he was unable to do so. Steve sat heavily on the chair, and looked over at his father. There had been so many times when he knew that he had bitten his tongue rather than tell his son to be careful as he left for work. Steve knew that he had spent too many sleepless nights by his empty bed waiting for him to return from a dangerous assignment, or at his hospital bedside waiting for him to come round when those assignments had gone wrong, and now he was here, listening to a doctor telling him the same type of frightening things, and Steve knew that the feeling of helplessness would be the same too.

"He would have checked for it. Maybe I'm just being over cautious." Wil took a deep breath, it was worrying when you had the head of internal medicine as your patient.

Doctor Jacobs had finished his paperwork and once again his mind was going over his evening. He wasn't officially off duty for another three hours, but his replacement had gone down with an awful head cold, and he had sent him home the day before and told him to take two days off. Cursing his stupidity he began to think about his list again. It was very rare that he got to the end of his sheet. It had thirty questions on it, and if he ever got to finish it, he treated himself to a glass of good whiskey when he got home; the type of people who he had to read all the questions to meant he sure needed it. After fifteen years he was just finishing the second bottle. Jacobs was brought back from his meanderings by the sound of Detective Travis… Yeager, he corrected himself, stirring in the bed at the end of the room. He had told Doctor Martin that he had sedated her but he had lied. He wanted to observe her some more. There was something about her that worried him greatly, and he hoped he might find it out by watching her both awake and asleep. But there had been no need to worry the doctor and her husband so he had let them believe she would sleep undisturbed all night. 

Rae was back in that dreaded house. There were bars on the windows, and she was in a strange bed. In her half waking, half sleeping mind she could see that she was alone, but that he was there in the shadows, watching her, moving closer, with a chair, and she knew that he would just sit and stare at her. She also knew that he would touch her, just occasionally, sometimes with his hand; sometimes he had used a feather, or a scarf. He had used matches too, he had never touched her with them, he had only threatened, but she had felt the heat, and he would laugh and then blow them out in her face. She shuddered, and once the shaking started she couldn't stop it. She saw him coming closer and she cried out, hoping to maybe just this once save herself. "No, no… Don't touch me… Please, keep away. Husband, No!"

Doctor Jacobs was confused and perturbed by what he was hearing. He hadn't missed the way she had smiled when she mentioned the name of her husband, and he was sure that it hadn't been to mask any fear on her part. But now, it sounded as if she lived in dread of the man. He put his hand on her arm but she moved away from him so violently that he pulled it back in an instant. "Mrs. Travis." He hoped to get a reaction from her by using her married name and he did. She began to relax as soon as she heard it. "Mrs. Travis, you are just having a bad dream." He couldn't believe that he was talking to a prisoner in this manner. It had been almost an eternity since he had been able to use a bedside manner. Normally he was more worried about being sued than anything else.

Rae could hear a man's voice. She wasn't sure if she recognised it, but he called her Mrs. Travis so it couldn't be _him_. She began to relax, and then she heard her name again, and she began to fight what he assured her was just a dream. Slowly she began to open her eyes, and as she did so she realised where she was, and knew that one nightmare might be over, but another one was just beginning.


	16. 16 Impossible Situations

**Impossible Situations**

Jesse had been so worked up and Alex was so worried about him that he had invited him back to his apartment. Jesse realised as he walked along the hallway that he hadn't been inside the building since he had moved his stuff out months ago. In his mind he could see Rae lying on the floor with Levington standing over her, and for a moment his world shifted slightly.

"Jesse, are you all right?" Alex put his hand on his arm, and when he got no response he guided him to his door, and once he had unlocked it, led him over and sat him down on the sofa. "Jesse, can you hear me?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Alex, I just can't take all this in, everything seems to be falling down around me, and I can't do anything to stop it." Jesse leant back against the sofa and shut his eyes. He felt so tired and overwhelmed by all that was happening to him and to Rae. Everything that he thought about had a problem attached to it, and most of them had no solutions.

Alex looked at his friend, and wasn't sure what to do to help him. But the first thing he had to make sure was that Jesse wouldn't be alone for a while. Alex picked up the phone and put a call through to Wil Collins at Community General.

Wil was just about to pour himself a coffee when the phone rang in the doctor's lounge. He groaned. He had made the mistake of telling the receptionist where he would be for the next ten minutes. "Doctor Collins … Oh, hi, Alex," He let out a big sigh. "No … no that's not a problem, I can cover for you … Oh, God, yeah sure, I understand … take as long as you want." Wil paused for a moment. He knew that what Mark had said could be covered under patient doctor confidentiality, but he had a feeling that Alex, and more importantly Jesse, should know what he had heard.

Alex put the phone down and slumped into the chair. Jesse was fast asleep on the sofa, and he wasn't going to wake him unless the world was about to end, but he had a feeling that what he had just been told came pretty close to causing that to come about for Jesse. Alex began to put some of the things that had happened lately into order in his brain. In the end his mind began to spin and he got a piece of paper and started again. After half an hour he had written down everything that he could think of, and whichever way he looked at it Rae was in serious trouble. He was suddenly fired with energy and he picked up his pad and threw it across the room. He refrained from uttering the oath that was on the tip of his tongue got up and went into his bedroom, and without getting undressed he threw himself on the bed, but he had a feeling that meaningful sleep would be very difficult for him to find.

Rae woke up after a very disturbed night to find a different doctor sitting at the desk. As she tried to sit up in the bed she saw the woman come towards her. 

"Ah, Detective Yeager, I see we are awake. You have five minutes to get up and dressed. Your clothes are at the end of your bed."

Rae looked at the woman in front of her and once again she saw undisguised hostility in her eyes. Doctor Jacobs had seemed a little softer by the time she had fallen asleep, but she knew that she would face this and worse everywhere she went in here. She checked her watch but found that it was no longer on her wrist. She didn't have her bangle either, nor her wedding and engagement rings. Rae rubbed a hand across her eyes, and moved towards the clothes she had to wear.

The orange jumpsuit felt cold and foreign to her and she shuddered as she put it on. There was no door to her cubicle and she could feel the doctor watching her every move. She had been sleeping in what she guessed would qualify as a booth, and was similar to every other room on the floor. The doctor's desk was in the middle of the central area and she could see each bed. Once she was dressed Rae ran her fingers through her hair and taking a deep breath she moved out into the hallway. "Excuse me, Ma'am, but where do I go now?"

"Well, you could go and have some breakfast, but…" The doctor made a great show of checking her watch. "Oh dear, you have just missed that. So I guess we will be allocating you a cell next then." The doctor pressed a buzzer on the underside of her desk and a guard entered immediately. "**Detective **Yeager is fit to be discharged."

Rae went to say that she hadn't been checked over that morning, but decided that it would make no difference. The guard, whose name was Bryant; Rae could see her name badge, just nodded. "This way."

"Yes, Ma'am." Rae followed her out of the hospital wing and through what seemed like endless miles of corridor. She felt as if every eye in the place was on her, and as she passed a couple of people they spat at her. Trying not to let any of her feelings show she carried on walking, although all she really wanted to do was either turn tail and run, or just sink to the ground and let everything carry on without her. 

After what felt like an eternity Rae saw her guard stop walking and run a smart card through a slot. A door slid silently open and Ms Bryant moved back and indicated with her hand that Rae should enter. The door shut behind her and Rae was alone. She leant back against the door and sank to the floor, and then putting her head into her hands she began to cry uncontrollably.

It was just after half seven the next morning when Jesse began to stir. He would have slept on longer, but Kira, who had been beside herself the night before when she realised who had come to stay, decided that Jesse could feed her breakfast, and had begun to lick his hair. "Kira, stop it. Eww, you know I hate that." For a brief instant Jesse was just caught up in the moment and he picked up the cat and made a fuss of it. He realised that he had missed having Kira around. Then he put her down and headed into the kitchen and took a tin out of the refrigerator. That was it for the cat, she was in heaven, she wove herself in, out and around Jesse's legs, her purring getting louder and louder. Jesse put the bowl down and smiled indulgently at her. Then he looked around him, and thinking straight for the first time since he had arrived at Alex's he put the coffee maker on and took some bread out and plugged in the toaster.

By eight Alex was up, dressed in his best suit and ready to go and meet with Mr. Sholte and hopefully Rae. He had called Sally and was going to drop Jesse off with her on the way, so that he could spend the morning with his daughter, and also so that Jesse would be cared for while he was at the jail. But first he had to tell Jesse about Mark and what he had said.

"Jess, come and sit down, I need to speak with you." Alex listened to himself and realised that he was almost treating Jesse like a small child. 

"I'm ok, Alex, I know you're worried about me, but I will be all right. You just take care of Rae, maybe you could get her transferred to Community General." Jesse's eyes lit up for an instant as he considered the possibility.

"Jesse, stop it. This is hard enough as it is. I'll do everything I can for Rae, you know that, but I've something I have to tell you, and you are making it even more difficult." Alex took a breath, and then without giving Jesse a chance to reply to what he had said he began to talk again. "There has been a problem with Mark," he saw a horrified look spread across Jesse's face. "No, not medical." Alex realised he wasn't wording this very well. "Jesse, he identified Rae as his attacker." Alex stopped talking and looking at his friend he could see that he was having trouble taking in what he was saying.

Jesse felt the words rush at him and then slam into him like bullets. He couldn't catch his breath and he felt his head begin to swim. He knew that if he hadn't been sitting down he would have collapsed, and he placed his head on his knees for a moment. He had to be strong for Rae; he couldn't fall to pieces, not until she was free. His thoughts wouldn't form any more, and he realised that he was going to pass out just before the darkness closed in around him.

Steve and Jo had sat with Mark all night. They had taken it in turns to sleep in two comfy chairs in front of each other, but neither of them had slept for more than a couple of hours. Now they were sitting in silence watching and waiting for Mark to come round once again. Wil Collins had been in and gently checked Mark's wound, but hadn't said very much.

Jo had been thinking about Rae and how the news of what Mark had said would affect her. She checked her watch, it was half past eight, she would leave it another half an hour and then Rae would be up and she could call her. Jo looked over at Steve and she could see that he was dozing in the chair; she was just about to go and get him a coffee when she was startled by a knock at the door.

"May I come in?"

Jo was worried to see Wil Collins standing in the doorway he had a newspaper and a pad in his hands, and she could tell that he didn't have anything good to tell them.

"Sure, but I thought that Mark was gonna be all right…" She knew by his face that she was reading the situation wrongly. "It's not Mark you're here about is it?" Jo turned as she heard Steve get up off the chair.

"Wil, what's going on?" Steve moved over and stood next to Jo, and he was glad to feel her standing so close to him.

"Steve, Jo, Rae was arrested yesterday, and Alex has just had Jesse admitted. He is on the verge of nervous collapse."

"Oh, my God. Is she all right? No, that is a stupid question, of course she won't be all right, she will be terrified an' worryin' herself to death about her family." Jo took a breath and looked back at Mark, worried that her outburst may have disturbed him.

"Where's Jesse?" Steve knew that they had been absorbed in his Dad and his condition, but it had only been twenty-four hours.

"He is in room…" Wil checked the pad he had in his hand. "Room 283. I have contacted Brian Dobson, but he said he couldn't come in to see him. Alex brought him in the car, and I admitted Jesse because Alex had to get to the jail to see Rae. He let himself be led like a child; I'm not even sure if he knows where he is, he got into the bed and was almost immediately asleep. I will sedate him if I think it necessary, but for now natural sleep is the best thing he can get."

Jo doubted that, she had a feeling that the best thing for Jesse would be the chance to have his family back. Suddenly a thought crossed her mind. "Eliana, where is Eliana?"

"I have no idea, but Alex said he would call me as soon as he finished with Rae, so I will ask him then."

"Wil, do you know what Rae has been charged with?" Steve let the cop in him come back to the fore, and waited to hear what the doctor had to say.

"Yeah, I do, and you're not gonna like it. She has been charged with three counts of murder one and two of attempted murder." Wil watched as the two people before her moved closed to each other, and he could see how much they needed the contact it gave them.

"Oh, God. No bail, no chance of a plea, she will get life at the very least."

"Steve, No! That can't be." Jo was in tears and she turned her face into Steve's chest, and he could feel her begin to cry against him.

"I'm afraid there is more to come." Wil looked around the room; he didn't want to make eye contact with anybody. He unfolded the newspaper he had been holding. The headlined leapt out at them, and nobody had to say anything.

**_English Detective Facing Death Penalty_**

_Three counts of murder mean Yeager will get the needle._

"My God, no wonder Jesse collapsed." Steve put his hand out and took the paper offered to him. He began to read the article and Jo could feel his heart begin to race as he did so.

"Steve, Jo, I have to get back to work, I promised Alex I would cover for him for as long as it takes. If you need me I am heading for the on call room after I have seen Jesse, to try and catch a half hour or so of sleep. But if your Dad wakes up I want you to have me paged ok?"

Jo turned her tear-stained face and just nodded. Then as the doctor left the room she looked up at her fiancé's face and was shocked by the grim determination she saw there.

"What, Steve, what is it?"

"You read that. There is no way she will get a fair trial. This guy is right, she will get the death penalty, she's been convicted already."

Rae didn't know how long she had been on the floor of her cell before she heard the small window above her open, then the door slid away and she saw Ms Bryant towering over her.

"Get up, your lawyer is here."

"Oh." Rae stood up and brushed down her clothes.

"Yeah, yeah, you look beautiful, now come on or he will have gone home. He's been waiting fifteen minutes already." She saw the cuffs that the guard had in her hands and she put her arms out. 

Rae said nothing, she didn't have the energy to protest, and so once again she ran the gauntlet of other prisoners, but her arrival must have been broadcast because this time she faced catcalls as well as being spat at like before. She was led to a room with a desk and three chairs in it and told to sit. Once she had done so the door on the other side of the room opened and Mr Sholte entered, and behind him to her delight was Alex. She didn't know if she was allowed to or not, but Rae was so glad to see a friendly face that she raced across to Alex and leant into him. "Oh, God, Alex, I am so relieved to see you." Suddenly she felt rough hands on her shoulders and she was pulled back.

"Sit down, Missy, or I will cancel your meeting." Ms Bryant pushed Rae back into the chair and then turned to the two men. "You have an hour." She moved back out of the door on Rae's side of the room. The wall was covered in bars and Alex and Mr. Sholte could see the jail laid out before them.

"Rae, are you alright?"

"No, Alex, I'm not alright. Did you really think I would be? I've been arrested for three murders I didn't do. Everywhere I look people treat me like a pariah, because to them I am one, I have lost my husband and my daughter, and you ask me if I am all right?"

"Rae, stop it. You know what I mean. Cheryl said that she had no medical reason not to arrest you. Is that right?"

"Yeah, I wish I could give her reason, but I can't. Alex, I'm sorry." Rae's hands were in front of her on the table, and Alex reached over and placed his hand over hers.

Mr. Sholte decided to begin talking, then maybe the dainty little guard outside the door wouldn't notice the hand holding. It was allowed, but he had a feeling that she would still try to stop it. "Rae, I don't have to tell you that there is no chance of bail, you already know that, but I will try for a life sentence if that is what you want me to do. It is likely to be a possibility if you plead guilty."

"NO! There is no way I am gonna plead guilty, because I am not. I didn't do it… At least I don't think I did, not all of it."

Alex moved his hand away in surprise, and Sholte gasped. Alex placed his hand back in its place and he felt her grip him tightly. "Rae, what are you saying?"

"Alex, I can't remember leaving Community General, or driving to Bob's. I don't know why, but I can't. So maybe I did attack Mark, but I didn't kill Lee or Helen, I didn't." Rae felt her eyes begin to fill with tears and she moved her hands and brushed them away.

"We need to discuss what will happen at the preliminary hearing then, and I know that Doctor Martin wants to check you over." Mr. Sholte checked his watch, "So I guess we had better get a move on." He was extremely worried about this missing portion of time, but until he had discussed it further with the doctor he preferred to talk about things he was sure about.

The flight from London arrived at LAX an hour late at ten in the morning, and a cold blue sky welcomed its passengers. They made their way into the passenger lounges and then out into the main terminal buildings and the city began to swallow them up. Soon all of the travellers had disappeared except one. He had been the most visible person both on and off the plane, and now he stood, looking round and not finding who he wanted to see.

Tony Yeager sighed and checked his watch. Rae or Jesse should have been waiting for him. He had sent a message to both cell phones to let them know he was going to be a little late, and as he had heard nothing he presumed that they had received the messages. After ten minutes he sent two more messages, and after another ten he headed with his cases to the taxi rank. He stopped at a newsstand and picked up a copy of the daily paper, and as he read the headline his heart sank. He waited only two minutes for a taxi, and instead of giving Rae's home address; he decided to head for the station instead. He knew that Steve would be able to help him.

Cheryl was getting some of the information ready for Rae's hearing, when she was called down to the front desk. She put her pad down and hoped that she would be able to remember what she was going to write when she got back. As she went down the steps she could see an extremely tall man waiting by Bob's desk. She knew she should recognise him from somewhere.

"Hi, I'm Detective Banks, can I help you?"

"Yes, I hope so." The man had an extremely firm handshake, and a very deep, very British accent. "My name is Tony Yeager, I am looking for Steve Sloan."

"I'm afraid Lieutenant Sloan is on leave at the moment, can I help you?" Cheryl remembered instantly where she had met this man before. It had been at Rae and Jesse's wedding.

"Yes, I hope so. We met when Rae got married. I need to speak to someone about this." Tony held up the paper. "What am I going to tell our children?"

"Mr. Yeager, I'm the detective who arrested your wife, and I have to tell you that the evidence against her is pretty damning. How long are you in LA for? I am sure that I can arrange for you to get into the court if you wish."

Tony nodded, and then remembered his manners. "Yes, thank you. Do you think I will be able to see Rae? I know you have all sorts of formalities to go through, but I am only here for a week." Tony hadn't missed the fact that this woman was responsible for Rae being in jail in the first place, but he wasn't sure what to say about it, so he decided to bide his time.

"There are exceptions to every rule, and I am sure that they can make one for you. Ok, I have to get back to work, so I am afraid that I can't stay with you. Do you have anywhere to go?"

"Yes, thank you, I'll try to find Jesse. I asked my cab to wait, so I will go over to … Community General isn't it?" Tony saw the detective nod and then he watched her as she went back up the stairs. With a sigh he returned to his cab and sat deep in thought until it drew to a halt once again.

Louise Willis was on duty on reception in the ER when the elevator opened and an extremely tall man exited. He moved over towards her and resisting the temptation to look up she waited for him to talk.

"Excuse me I am looking for Doctor Jesse Travis."

Nurse Willis looked at her admissions book, "Oh, I'm sorry, Sir, but he is not receiving visitors yet. His doctor is in Trauma Two and will be finished in a while if you would like to wait. Are you family, Sir?" She couldn't imagine anybody so tall being related to anybody so small.

"Not exactly." Tony didn't understand why Jesse wasn't receiving visitors but he knew that he didn't like the sound of it, he had no intention of trying to explain his position in Jesse's life, it wasn't this woman's business, and for no apparent reason he didn't think he liked her. "I will just sit over there and wait, maybe you could point the doctor out to me when he is finished." Tony moved away and sitting down in a chair that had a good view of all the trauma suite doors, resisted the temptation to get the paper out and read through the dreadful news again as he sat and waited.

After about ten minutes Tony saw a man come out of one of the trauma suites and head towards the desk. He watched carefully as the nurse pointed over to where he was sitting, and he stood up.

Wil Collins had yet to make it to the on call room for his hoped for sleep. He had spent the last ten minutes with a young man explaining to him why he couldn't put a plaster cast on his fractured shoulder. In the end he had put a sling on him and he had left the ER happy. Now he wanted to get up and see Jesse, but first there was apparently a giant to see him. Wil watched as the man indicated to him stood up, and he understood what the nurse had meant. He walked over and smiled up at him.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Collins, I understand that you were enquiring about Doctor Travis."

"Yes, that's right. My name is Tony Yeager."

"Yeager?" Wil looked at him with a frown. He had seen the paper in the man's hand and wondered whether he had a nutcase in front of him.

"I used to be married to Rae, when she lived in England. She and Jesse, ah Doctor Travis were supposed to pick me up at the airport today, but they didn't, so I decided to come and find them instead. If you want to check me out you can give Detective Banks a ring."

"A ring?"

"Yes, a ring, on the phone?" Tony looked down at this doctor; maybe he was having a problem with this accent.

"Oh, right, call her, sorry, it's a long time since I got any sleep. Ah, would you mind if I did?" Wil saw him shake his head and so he headed over to the reception desk and picked up the phone.

Rae had answered all the questions that Mr. Sholte had asked her as honestly as she could. She felt very tired, and a little disoriented, but she hadn't had any problems with what he was saying. Once she was sure he had finished talking she turned back to Alex.

"Alex, where's Jesse? I thought he might come and see me. Does he hate me?" Rae had to know, but she was almost afraid to listen.

"No, Honey, no, he doesn't hate you. You have to let him have a form to fill in and then he will send it back to the jail, the one you need is…" Alex looked at the piece of paper that he had written down the information on. "Ah, CDC Form 106. Once it's processed he'll be able to come and see you." Alex could see by her face that she was about to ask the same question as Jesse.

"I'll find out then, and send it to him. How long will it take before he can come?"

"About thirty days, Rae, I'm sorry."

"No, that's all right. I guess everybody here is real busy. Alex, is he all right, and Eliana?"

Alex was extremely concerned by the way she just accepted the bad news without a murmur, but decided to leave it go for now. "Eliana is staying with Sally at the moment, and she looked happy and content when we left her there. But Jesse isn't all right, he isn't all right at all." Alex took a deep breath. He didn't want to worry her, but she needed to know about her husband.

"What's the matter with him, Alex? He wasn't attacked too was he?"

"No, nobody has been attacked since you were arrested." He knew straight away that he shouldn't have said that. "Rae, I'm sorry, that wasn't meant like it sounded."

"No? Maybe you had better tell me whether you think I'm guilty, Alex." Rae was on her feet in an instant, but out the corner of her eye she saw the guard move towards the door and she sat back down again without a sound.

"No, of course I don't, and neither does Jesse, but all the worry of everything, you and Mark…" He stopped talking as Rae interrupted him.

"Mark, what's wrong with Mark? Oh, God, he isn't dead too is he Alex?" Rae put her head in her hands. She didn't think she would be able to cope if he told her that Mark had died of his injuries.

"No, but he was seriously injured Rae and you know that Jesse operated on him. I won't find out how he is today until I get back into work."

"And Jesse, what happened to Jesse?"

 "He collapsed at my place this morning, and I had him admitted to the hospital. Just as a precaution, I had arranged for him to stay with Sally while I was here, but I wasn't sure that she could cope with him, Community General's the best place for Jesse right now, and once I finish here I will go straight back and see him."

"Tell him I love him, Alex, please. I just miss him so much."

"Rae, are they treating you fairly in here?" It was Sholte who asked the question, and Rae looked over at the guard before she answered.

"No, not really, but I didn't expect them to. There are women here who I have busted, and you would have to be brain dead not to know who I am and what has happened to me since I moved to LA. I'll just have to learn to accept that I'll be hounded the whole time I'm here. But, Sholte, I expect you to get me released. I'm innocent, and there must be some proof out there." 

Alex stood up and moved round next to Rae. "Honey, I need to just examine you quickly. Nothing intrusive, but for my own peace of mind, and Jesse's."

"Ok. After yesterday's exam whatever you do will be a walk in the park."

Alex picked up his bag and moved with Rae as far away from the guard as he could. It took him just over ten minutes to look Rae over, and then he guided her gently back to the table.

The door clanked open and the guard returned. "Your time is up. You have to get your lunch." She went to pull Rae away but Mr. Sholte stood up and glared at her. 

"She has the right to say goodbye to her visitors, so if you would just move away. Rae you are allowed to kiss and embrace at the beginning and end of each visit."

Rae held out her manacled hands. "It's a bit difficult with these on." 

Mr. Sholte shook his head, and then he held his hand out to Rae. "I will do my very best for you at your preliminary hearing, Mrs Travis, which should be in the next day or two, I promise you that."

"I know you will. This is quick isn't it? I didn't things would move so fast."

"No, we have to have the preliminary hearing, within 10 court days of your detention hearing. I realise that you didn't know me before all this started, and I hope that I haven't added to your distress, but if I have, I apologise."

"Mr. Sholte, if you are trusted by Texas then that is good enough for me." Rae smiled at him, and then saw his puzzled look. "Alex will explain it to you." Rae turned to him. "Alex, thank you. You have sorted out my family for me, and I know that they are safe; I always knew I made the right choice when I asked you to be my physician. You look after yourself as well, though, ok?"

"I will." Alex put his arms out and drew her into them. He held her tight for a minute, and he could feel her shaking as he did so.

Rae was grateful for the physical contact. As she rested her head on his shoulder she heard him begin to speak. "I know you're innocent, Rae, and I will prove it. I don't know how, but I will, and I'll take care of Jesse for you too." She looked up at him and kissed him gently on the cheek, and then with a sigh she moved away from his embrace and back into the frightening world that lay beyond the bars.

By the time Wil had spoken to Cheryl and then taken Tony up to Jesse's room it was almost lunchtime. As they got to the door of the room Wil put his hand on Tony's arm. "He is in a very fragile state. Don't be surprised if the fact that he couldn't pick you up from the airport upsets him more than it normally would."

"Ok. I have to say I'm not surprised he is upset. I think I would be with everything that has been going on in his life lately." Tony shook his head, and then they knocked softly, opened the door and quietly entered.

Jesse had been awake for about ten minutes and was just lying there staring ahead of him. He didn't feel like he had the energy to do anything, but he was astute enough to know that if he listened to his body for a while, he would gradually begin to feel better. He couldn't get to Rae for thirty days, Eliana was safe with Sally, and he was here, where he could fall asleep any time he wanted without it affecting anybody. He smiled a small, weak smile. It was nice to have the responsibilities taken from him, at least for a little while. There was a small tap on the door and he turned, and the beginnings of relaxation fled him as he saw Tony come into the room.

"Tony, oh, my, we didn't pick you up, I am so sorry."

"Jesse, don't worry about it. As you can see I was able to get myself from the airport, right across town to here without any problems. I'll book into a hotel, and the company can pay. They can afford it after all." Tony smiled, but he was shocked to see how weary Jesse looked. He seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Tony guessed that he did have the weight of his own world there right now."

"Did you hear what happened to Rae?" Jesse could feel his anxiety levels rising, and he knew that he should ask Tony to leave, but he couldn't, not yet.

"I saw it in the paper when I landed. I have spoken to Detective Banks, and I am going to be in court whenever Rae is."

"Thank you. I am so sorry that you have been dragged into all of this."

"Oh, don't worry about it. It seems to me that you have enough on your plate without thinking about the ex-husband as well." Tony hoped to get a smile out of Jesse, but he could see that he wasn't up to that yet. "Jesse, I know that she didn't do this, I don't care what evidence they have, Rae couldn't hurt a fly. Unless it was in the line of duty. She will come back to you." This time he did get a smile, and Jesse put his hand on Tony's arm.

"Thank you. I needed to hear you say that."

Wil thought it was time he stepped in. "Tony, I just need to check my patient over, and then I will take you to lunch if you would like."

"Thank you, yes I'd like that. I'll just wait outside. Jesse, I have a full day tomorrow, but I'll be back in to see you in the evening, if that's ok."

"Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you." Jesse lay back on the pillow, the conversation had drained him of what little strength he had, and all he wanted to do now was shut his eyes and go back to sleep. He couldn't even think about the horrors that Rae would have to go through in jail, his brain just couldn't cope with it.

Tony was sitting quietly outside the door when he saw a familiar figure coming down the hallway. He stood up and waited with a smile. "Steve, it's good to see you again."

"Tony? What are you doing here? Did you come because of Rae?" Steve couldn't believe who he was seeing, but he knew that there was no mistaking the man standing in front of him.

"No, no, I was always due to be coming at this time, I have meetings to attend for the next week, and I was supposed to be staying with Rae and Jesse. But obviously those plans will have to change… Steve you don't think she did this do you?"

Steve wanted to just turn and leave, but he knew that he had to answer. "I didn't, but now I'm not so sure. My Dad was attacked yesterday, and he identified her. Jo's car was tampered with outside Rae's house. The nurse from here was murdered right after Rae had been with her, and so was the patient, he was found right next to where she parked her car. The evidence against her is strong, Tony." Steve's heart sank lower with every word he uttered. He so desperately wanted her to be innocent, but what his Dad had said haunted him.

"No, I can't believe that, I won't believe it. I don't know what I can do to help prove her innocence, but trust me I will do anything." Tony felt his anger rise, but there was no way to release it and so he stood and simmered until gradually he realised that it was receding once again.

Steve nervously watched this giant of a man as he struggled with his emotions. "Tony, until my Dad was attacked I didn't believe she was guilty either, even with what happened to Jo's car, but when he came round in the ER he called out her name, he said No, Rae, don't. I can't ignore that."

"No, I don't suppose you can, but I have to help her, Steve. Not only for her, or for me, but also for our children. What will happen to them if their mother goes to jail for murder, or worse, according to the paper she could die because of this."

"Yeah, I know, and I have nothing I can say to you, not that will help. I have to get back to Jo, I was just coming along to see how Jess is, but I will come back later."

Steve turned and headed back the way he had come. There was a battle going on inside his head, the side that said that there was no possibility of Rae committing any of these crimes was being beaten back by the part that said that his dad saw Rae, and therefore she must be guilty. He loved Rae, and up until now had trusted her with his life, but he had almost lost his dad, and if she was guilty then he would ensure that she got all the treatment she needed. He knew that would probably mean her being psychologically tested and maybe spending time on a secure psyche ward, but if that was what it would take then he would make sure that was what would happen.


	17. 17 Due Process of Law

**Due Process of Law**

Tony spent the afternoon checking into a hotel, and then logging onto the Internet to find out as much as he could about the American court system. He found a flow chart which explained to him the process from arrest to either release or incarceration and he made sure that he understood it by going over and over it.

Alex went into Jesse's room once he got back from the jail and found his friend red eyed and anxious. "Jesse, what's the matter?"

"Oh, Alex, I didn't know you were back, how is she, is she all right? Did she say anything that could get her sent here, did she mention me?"

Alex put his hand on Jesse's arm. "Jesse, stop. Now, I'm not gonna tell you anything until you take a deep breath and calm down." Alex stopped talking and watched his friend as he tried to compose himself. Gradually he could see Jesse's breathing come under control, and his hands, which had been twisting and turning the bed sheets became still and just rested one on top of the other. Alex took a moment to look at his friend, he could tell that he was still stressed and upset, but he seemed to have pulled himself together enough for him to continue talking.

"Ok, she is doing all right… Jesse let me speak, when I've finished I know you are gonna have questions, but I'll answer them in a while… She's scared, Jess, and she knows that people are going to be watching her every move, but she isn't deterred by it."

"And Sholte, can he get her out?" Jesse looked at his friend, the fear clutching him in its vice like grip.

"Jesse, she won't get bail, she knows that. But she is innocent, and she will be free… it may just take a while."

Jesse turned away then and rubbed at his eyes, Alex placed a hand tentatively on his shoulder. When Jesse didn't shrug it off Alex squeezed gently and began to talk again. "Jesse, there is something else, isn't there? What is it?"

"It's nothing, I'm just being petty. Rae is in jail, and I'm worrying about things that are just silly."

Alex knew that whatever it was, to Jesse it wasn't silly at all. "Ok, then, you tell me what it is, I'll tell you you're being stupid and we can forget it." Although Alex's tone was light he hoped that Jesse would see it for what it was, an offer from a friend to help him with his problems. To his relief Jesse turned back to face him and with a small nod began to speak.

"I'm here, stuck in this room, and I know that I should be, I don't think I can cope with everything that is happening in my life right now, and I certainly can't look after Eliana, or help Rae, but then he turns up, and he can go see her in jail and go to court and support her and … and it should be me." This time it was to much for Jesse, and once he had unburdened himself the tears ran down his cheeks, and although Alex had no idea who he was talking about he felt his heart go out to his friend. He waited a moment to let Jesse to calm down a little.

"Jess, who do you mean?"

"Tony, Tony is here, and he is going to be doing what I should be, supporting her through this, but me, am I there? No, not me, I'm too damn weak!" Jesse's voice had got louder and louder until by the time he finished he was shouting, and to Alex's alarm, shaking.

"Ok, that is enough. You're my patient at the moment Jesse, even though Wil admitted you, and I want you to stop right now. Tony is Rae's ex-husband. Note the ex, which means no longer her husband. I think it speaks volumes about you and Rae that he is still a part of her life. You invited him to your wedding, and he came. You included him in your bachelor party, you have never been jealous of him, and from what I know of the guy he isn't jealous of you either. Jesse let him do this for you. He loves Rae, and she loves him, Steve can't be there for her, because he has Mark to worry about, Jo is with Steve, when Tony goes back to London, at least he will feel that he helped you both."

"Steve, pah, he won't help her." Jesse threw up his hands in despair, and Alex was shocked by his tone.

"Jesse, of course he will, it's just that he has other things on his mind right now."

"Yeah, right, like the fact that he thinks she's guilty."

"What?" Alex looked on in disbelief. He knew that Cheryl thought that Rae was responsible for the deaths that had occurred, but he hadn't realised that Steve felt the same way.

"I heard him speaking with Tony and he thinks that she did it, killed those people, hurt Jo and attacked Mark."

Alex had a feeling that the whole conversation was spiralling out of control now. He wished he had known about Steve, if he had he wouldn't have even mentioned his name. "Jesse, this isn't getting us anywhere." Alex was worried that he would have to sedate him, and he had come into try to reassure not upset his friend. He suddenly remembered that he had a message for him and so with a smile began to talk again. "Jesse you need to try to sleep, I can give you something to help if you would like, but before I do, Rae asked me to give you a message."

"What, what, Alex, what did she say." Jesse's reaction to this was almost too much to bear, and Alex took a deep breath before continuing.

"Jess, she told me to say that she loves you, and she is missing you very much." 

"Oh, God, Alex, I miss her too, I just want to hold her close, feel her next to me, try and give her the support she needs, and I … I can't right now." Jesse lay back on the pillows and all the energy he had seemed to leave him. 

"Jess, do you want me to give you something? You will sleep right through to the morning then, and it will probably do you good."

"No, no, I think I will sleep. Alex, thank you. I know it was ridiculous to be jealous of Tony, and I am really glad that he and you are there for her. You are a good friend, Alex, and a good doctor." Jesse smiled a little then, and closed his eyes. Alex leant back in his chair; exhausted by the conversation he had just had, and then watched as Jesse slipped slowly off to sleep.

Once Alex and Mr. Sholte had left, Officer Bryant had escorted Rae to the cafeteria and she had picked up the first items of food she had seen, sat at the first empty table she had found and then just stared at her plate for twenty minutes. She had been aware of people shoving her as they passed, or pushing at her table, but she shut it out. All she could see was Alex, and she could hear his voice as he had tried to reassure her that she would be freed. 

"Hey, cop, lunch is over." A voice cut through her thoughts as she felt another elbow in her back. With a shrug Rae got up and walked towards the exit. She had no idea where she should go now, whether she was expected to go back to her cell by herself, or even if she could retreat back to the safety of her solitude. As she looked round Rae saw the stocky figure of Officer Bryant heading straight for her.

"What do you think you are doing? You are on permanent lock down, now move."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that." Rae looked round her and saw that all the women within earshot where staring at her. Once again she ran the gauntlet of catcalls and spitting and, once again, the prison officer did nothing to stop it. By the time Rae arrived at her cell she was only just keeping herself together. She watched as the smart card was swiped and a thought ran through her mind and was gone before she could grab at it. She must have stood still for too long because she felt rough hands push her into her room and then the door slid silently shut behind her, and she was alone.

Mark had slept almost all day. Occasionally a pained expression would flit across his face, and Steve would take a slightly firmer grip of his hand, and it would be gone again. Jo had contacted Sally to make sure that Eliana was ok, once she had found out from Alex where she was, and had then made sure that whatever Steve needed she was able to provide for him. Which for the most part had been someone to listen to his fears and feelings of hopelessness at the situation which they found themselves in.

"Steve, Honey, you should go for a little walk, just round the grounds for a while. I will sit with your daddy, an' if anythin' happens I will call you."

"No, Jo. He has always been here for me, whenever I have been in the hospital I have known, somehow, that he was sitting waiting for me to find my way back to him. I have to do that too."

"Steve, darlin' if your mom was still alive, they would have shared this. They would have wanted to be a strength to each other an' you. But they would have shared. Let me share. I won't do or say anythin' you wouldn't want me to, an' I love him, like a father, Steve, please let me share."

"Jo, I don't mean to shut you out, I … I'm just so worried about him, and Rae, I can't even think about what she has done to him. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not used to having someone who wants to help me deal with it all."

"Well, you had better get used to it, because I don't plan on lettin' you cope with things on your own ever again." Jo had leant over then and placed a gentle kiss on Steve's lips. For a moment or two they had held each other tight, but then Steve had felt Mark move and he had pulled away.

"Dad? Dad it's Steve, can you hear me?" The anguish in Steve's voice made Jo's heart turn over for him. But Mark didn't respond, and they could both tell that he had just been shifting position, and was gone from them again.

Alex had just arrived home when his cell phone began to ring and pulling it out of his pocket, he shut the door with one foot as he pressed the receive button. "Hello, Doctor Martin… Hi, Mr. Sholte…Ok, yes, I'll let them know, thank you. I'll see you then." Alex hung his jacket up in his closet, took Kira off his bed and put her in her own basket, then he went into the living room, and picking up the phone, began to call everybody who would need to know that Rae would be back in court the following afternoon.

Wil had gone up to check on Mark before he finished his shift. The day had been a long one, but he had finally managed to get a sleep in the middle of the afternoon, and now he was awake and almost wishing that his shift had another hour or two left on it so that when he did arrive home he would need his sleep a little more.

Steve was sitting where he had been the last time Wil had looked in. On that occasion he had just spoken to the Lieutenant and his fiancée, but this time he was here to make sure that Mark was still coming along as expected.

"Steve, I need a few minutes, can you wait outside do you think?"

It was Jo who answered as she realised that Steve was about to complain. "Of course, Wil, we'll be sittin' on the chairs just a little way down the hallway." She had taken Steve by the hand and pulled him out and away from his father, just for a little while.

Wil ran his eyes over his colleague and friend, and then with a sigh began to make sure that everything was as it should be.

Jo looked round as she heard Doctor Collins clear his throat, and then the two of them were back in the room, and they could tell from the Doctor's face that things weren't quite as they should be.

"What's wrong, something is, isn't it?" Steve was instantly on the defensive.

"Your father had an elevated temperature, he is running a fever and there had to be a reason for that, so I checked his wound…"

"And, and. Come on, just tell me." Steve felt Jo squeeze his hand gently. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout."

"That's ok. Steve, your dad has an infection, I need to operate again, to find out where it is coming from."

"But he is on antibiotics, wouldn't that take care of any infection?"

"Normally it would give him a fighting chance, but your dad was stabbed in such a dangerous and complicated part of the body. Jesse said that the colon and large intestine remained intact, but my guess, and until I get him back to the OR it is just a guess, is that he missed something, and there is waste matter seeping back into the body. I'm sorry."

Steve instantly remembered Cheryl saying about Jesse being married to the main suspect of his father's attack, but he pushed the thought away. Jesse was Mark's friend, he wouldn't, couldn't, jeopardise his health.

"Steve, Honey, is that all right?"

"Sorry, is what all right?" Steve hadn't realised that anybody was talking to him.

"Wil is gonna operate again right now. Is that all right?"

"Oh, yes, of course. Wil just keep him alive, that's all I ask."

"I will try, Steve, I always do. Now I have to go prepare. The orderlies will be up for your dad as soon as I get a free OR. Until then he is getting the antibiotics, and we will just have to wait and hope."

Jo heard Steve whisper, "and pray," and she squeezed him a little tighter.

It was just after one the next afternoon when Cheryl and Martin headed out of the squad room and down the stairs and saw Tony Yeager waiting for them. He walked over a grim look on his face. "Detective Banks, did you manage to arrange for me to attend the hearing?"

"Yeah, I did, do you need a ride?" Cheryl looked over at Martin, "This is Tony Yeager, he used to be married to Rae."

"We've met before, we went karting together, at Jesse's bachelor party." Martin and Tony shook hands. "Hi, Tony, I'm so sorry about Rae."

"Yes, I am sure you are, but you still arrested and charged her didn't you?" Tony found that the anger he had managed to contain when he had been speaking with Cheryl the previous day was much closer to the surface now Martin had mentioned the last time he had seen Jesse and he remembered how everything had been so happy and relaxed.

"Cheryl, I'll take Tony in my car, and meet you there." Martin could feel the guilt creeping to the surface as he listened to Tony and saw the emotions that were fighting to be released. Martin knew how he felt about the fact that Rae was in jail, so he knew that Tony must have been feeling ten times worse.

"Ok, if you don't mind. Are you coming back to the station afterwards?" Cheryl looked at the two men and felt a little left out. She had no idea why; maybe it was because Martin and Tony already knew each other, but she had a feeling that it was probably more than that.

"No, I wasn't planning to, there is nothing more that can be done on Rae's case, and I haven't had a day off in a fortnight. So I was gonna go straight home." Martin saw his partner just nod and then they headed out to the parking lot.

Tony moved the passenger seat as far back as it would go and looked over at the younger man beside him. He had known a lot of policemen in the time he had spent with Rae, and this one was not happy. They had spent an enjoyable time together at Jesse's stag night, _bachelor party, he had called it a bachelor party_ and he had seemed a very open person. "Martin?"

"Mmm." 

Tony could see that he was concentrating on the road, but he felt that there was more to his silence than that.

"Do you have a problem with me coming to the court?"

"No, why?"

"Because you have hardly spoken a word since you came down the stairs, and, forgive me for saying so, but you don't seem like a man about to increase your crime clear up numbers."

"Is that what you think?" Martin felt his own anger rise, but he managed to push it back down, and taking a deep breath he began to speak again. "No, maybe I don't, but now isn't the time to talk about it, ok?"

Tony knew better than to push the subject, so he retreated into silence himself and just watched the unfamiliar scenery go by as he was driven through the streets of Los Angeles. He wished that it were all part of the dream he felt he was living in, but he knew that the actual nightmare of going to see his ex-wife face a murder charge was very real indeed.

Rae was taken from her cell at one o'clock, and handed back the clothes she had been wearing when she was arrested. She looked at herself and knew that she looked really scruffy, but she hadn't thought to contact anybody to get a smarter outfit. Not that she had been given the chance to do that anyway.  She had spent the evening and this morning alone, and even though she was now with the prison officer and another prisoner getting ready to go to the courthouse she knew that she was still alone. There was a prison van waiting for them and she was driven to the courthouse in total silence. Officer Bryant wasn't on duty, but the replacement wasn't any better than she had been, in fact Officer Worrell made Bryant seem almost animated. 

Rae was taken to the holding area, at least that was what she had always called it, and she sat down. There was another woman sitting next to her, but she was smartly dressed in a black suit with a cream shirt. Rae looked down at her jeans and t-shirt and sighed.

"What's up, Honey?" The woman looked her up and down.

"You look so smart, and I feel so, so, untidy." Rae tried a smile, but it was very hard work.

"You're supposed to have someone go get you your dress clothes so that you can change into them before you get here."

"Nobody told me, and I didn't think to ask." Rae shook her head, another thing that had been conveniently left out on the introductory tour.

A guard came over and stood in front of Rae. "Your lawyer is here." Rae stood up and began to follow her.

Mr. Sholte was sitting in a room off the court; there was a small case on the desk next to him. He stood up as Rae entered and looked at her. He could tell that she was very tense and he had the feeling that she was keeping all her feelings inside herself with great difficulty. Mr. Sholte had been a lawyer for many years and had seen every emotion known to man; he knew that if he could not prove her innocence she would face an extremely hard life in jail and it was clear that she knew that too. "Mrs Travis, how are you feeling?"

"Terrified, resigned to my fate one minute, resistant to the possibility of it the next. I am angry that this has happened to me, but I can't see anyway out of it. Then I am determined to fight, and I know that my friends will fight for me as well." Rae ran her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. "But I know that Cheryl must have a water tight case or she wouldn't have arrested me, and that scares the hell out of me." Rae sat down in the chair in front of her lawyer and watched as her guard moved so that Rae could see her. Rae sighed, she wasn't used to being followed and she hated it. 

"You weren't planning to go into the courtroom dressed like that were you?" Mr. Sholte looked his client. "Only it won't go down very well with Judge Friars."

"I have to go into court in this, it's all I have. Nobody told me I could have a change of clothes, and I guess I am just not thinking straight because it didn't occur to me to ask."

"Well, I had a word with Miss Walters at the hospital, and she sent Michael out shopping. They said that this would be fine for you." Mr. Sholte picked up the case from beside him. "There is a washroom through the door, I would suggest that you go change."

"Yes, Sir." Rae picked up the case and headed off in the suggested direction of the washroom with the guard close behind her. 

Rae began to take her jeans and t-shirt off, but she found it very disconcerting to have somebody watching her every move. The thought crossed her mind that if she were found guilty of these crimes she would never be able to do anything unobserved ever again. Rae pushed the thought to the back of her mind and tried to concentrate on just surviving the minute she was in right now. It was the only way she could keep herself together at the moment. It seemed to work and five minutes later she re-emerged looking like a different woman. Now she had on a smart blue two-piece trouser suit with a white cotton shirt underneath. She also found a pair of business like navy court shoes and Texas had also sent some makeup, Rae had just put on a little to give herself some colour.

It was two o'clock sharp when the bailiff announced the presence of Judge Friars, and everybody stood up. Rae's heart was pounding, and she looked down at her hands and could see the whiteness of her knuckles as they grabbed hold of the side of table in front of her. They all sat down, and Rae turned her head, she couldn't see anybody that she recognised straight off. She let out a sigh, she had so hoped that Jesse would be here, but she knew he was in the hospital and realistically she hadn't expected to see him.

Mr. Sholte put his hand on her arm and she turned back round to face the front. She stood up as she felt her lawyer place a hand under her elbow and indicated for her to rise. Rae kept the back of the chair up against her legs, just in case they gave way and she had to sit down quickly. She felt her stomach lurch as she stood, and for a second she swayed, but she shut her eyes for a second and the feeling began to pass. She listened as the charges were read out to the court, and then heard herself being asked how she pleaded. Rae took a deep breath and looked the judge straight in the eye.

"Not guilty, Your Honour."

Rae sat back down, and for a moment her head swam again as she let the realisation that she was being tried for murder wash over her. She became angry with herself, there was no way that she would let anybody see just how scared and barely in control she was. She would hold on until she was either released or back in her cell.

Cheryl was called to the stand to show what evidence the police had that made it a strong possibility that Rae was guilty. She went through the facts that proved Rae had been near the scene of each murder and attack. That one of her necklaces had been found under the body of Helen Baxter, and then, as Rae sat there looking on in astonishment, Cheryl began to talk about the discovery of the body of Cameron Posner.

"I took a call that a body had been discovered at Community General, and we attended. That is my partner Detective Martin Robertson and myself. The body was lying in the parking lot; he had been stabbed through the heart. There was some blood, but not a huge amount, Mr. Posner died almost instantly." Cheryl had her notebook in front of her, but she didn't need to refer to it. Almost every word she spoke was engraved on her brain. She had been involved in some upsetting cases during her career, but this had to be one of the worst ever. Cheryl picked up the notebook to give herself time to clear her mind of anything other than the job at hand and then as she heard her name she looked up again.

"Detective Banks, what evidence do you have from this case to implicate Detective Yeager?" the assistant District Attorney seemed determined to use Rae's title at every opportunity. 

"We recovered the video tape of the actual murder from the security office at Community General Hospital, and also evidence was discovered in the hand of the victim."

"And what did you find on the tape, and in the victim's hand?"

Rae was watching in fascinated horror. She didn't have any idea what Cheryl was going to say next.

"The tape showed the actual murder taking place, and the victim was holding a very distinctive diamond hoop earring in his hand."

Cheryl heard Rae let out a gasp, and as she looked across she could see that her friend, _at least she used to be my friend,_ had turned grey. Mr. Sholte had his hand on Rae's arm and he was leaning in and talking to her, and slowly to her relief Cheryl could see her colour returning.

"Did you recognise the earring or the person in the video?" The Assistant District Attorney, who's name was Rose Marie Moureau had moved right up to Cheryl and was standing almost eye to eye with her.

"Yes, Ma'am, the face of the attacker is shielded by the victim as he is stabbed, but as she comes back and checks the body then you can see her face clearly."

"And the earring?" The District Attorney finally took a step back.

"I have seen the earring, as part of a pair being worn." 

"Who was wearing them, Detective?" 

Cheryl knew that the question was going to come, but that didn't make it any easier to answer. "The defendant was wearing them." Cheryl stopped talking, but she couldn't make eye contact with Rae, she knew that her evidence would sign her death warrant when the trial began.

"And the person in the video? Can you identify that person?" Ms Moureau looked round, she had worked with Detective Yeager herself, and had always found her extremely professional, she wasn't enjoying her job as much as usual right now.

"The person in the video was Reagan Travis-Yeager." 

"Thank you, I have no more questions." Rose Marie Moureau turned and walked back to her table, and the Judge looked over at Mr. Sholte, who leant towards Rae and began to quietly speak. 

"I don't think anything will be served by asking any questions at this time." He watched his client, she seemed almost detached from what was happening to her, but Rae seemed to pull herself together, just enough to answer.

"Ok."

Mr. Sholte stood up and faced Judge Friars, "We have no questions, Your Honour."

By the time Judge Friars had finished summing up what she had heard Rae knew that she would be facing trial in the near future. Cheryl's evidence had been so damning that there had been no chance of her 'not guilty' plea being accepted, and she was led back down to the cells in the court house. Five minutes later Mr. Sholte arrived and she was taken to meet with him once again.

"Because of the high profile nature of your trial, the judge has set a date for six weeks time. I will continue to represent you if that is what you wish." Mr. Sholte looked across at his client. She was obviously in shock after what had just happened to her, which wasn't at all surprising, and he wasn't sure if she could even hear him. He placed his hand over hers and she jumped.

The mention of six weeks got through to Rae. She thought about Mara saying that she would be in her school play long before that. "Christmas, I won't be at home for Christmas, Mara is the cat … and it will be Eliana's first one… but we can celebrate it later… I'm sorry, what did you say?" Rae looked up at her lawyer, he seemed to be a long way away from her, but then everything seemed to be a long way away right now. Rae put her head down on the table for a second, and felt the cold steel as her forehead rested against it.

"Rae, are you ok? Reagan!" Mr. Sholte's voice seemed to come at her from all directions, and she knew that she really ought to answer him. Slowly she raised her head and tried to remember what he had said.

"I'm sorry … what did you say?" _Did I already say that?_

"Rae, do you want me to carry on representing you?"

"Mmm, yes please, Texas likes you, so I would, yes." Rae shook her head to try to make everything come back into focus, but all that did was make her feel dizzy as well. She placed her head back on the table, and tried to work out what was happening to her. 

Mr. Sholte was just about to call for one of the guards to get a doctor to come and see his client when the woman who had brought Rae into the courthouse two hours earlier appeared behind her and put her hand on Rae's arm.

"Come on, it's time to go." When she got no response she shook Rae, and with a mumble her prisoner stood up.

"I think that my client should see the prison doctor as soon as she gets back."

"Yeah, whatever. Come on, I haven't got all day." The guard gave Rae a push and she stumbled towards the door.

Mr. Sholte stood and watched as Rae was led back out to the prison van and then with a heavy heart he returned to his car so that he could report back to his real client, Miss Walters.

Tony stood in the hallway of the courthouse and felt his anger get closer and closer to the surface. Detective Banks had promised that she would arrange for him to meet with Rae, but when he went down to the holding cells to talk to her he had found that she had already been taken back to jail so he hadn't seen her except across the courtroom, and it had been clear that Rae wasn't even sure why she was there, let alone who had come to be there on her behalf. 

Martin walked up to where he could see the tall man standing and found him deep in thought. "Tony, did you want a ride back, only I would like to talk to you if I could."

"What? Oh, sorry, Martin, yes, I would like a lift if it wouldn't be too much trouble. I would like to talk to you too. I'm not sure I would be able to stay civil and say what I have to, to Detective Banks."

The two men walked silently towards the parking lot. Martin saw Cheryl in front of him and watched as she got into her car and drove off without a backwards glance. He wondered how she felt about Rae's case. She hadn't spoken at all about her feelings, but had worked almost blinkered, so that she could keep her personal involvement out of the way. Maybe that had worked for her, but Martin felt despicable, like something that you scraped off your shoe, one of his closest friends was now on her way back to jail because of him and what he had done.

"Martin, isn't that your car?" Tony's voice cut into his thoughts and he looked round to see that he walked straight past his vehicle.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, my mind is on other things." He walked back, rather embarrassed and opened the doors. Tony got in the passenger seat and looked over at his driver. Martin said nothing, he started the car and drove out of the parking lot, and then instead of taking the road back the way they had come, he headed out onto PCH and in the end took the road towards the beach. There was a quiet piece of coastline, which Martin often came to. He liked to sit and ponder when cases got difficult, or he didn't have enough time for a sleep and needed a change of scenery. He drew into a parking space and looked out across the ocean. The winter winds were high, and the waves were crashing onto the sand. For a few minutes the two men sat in silence and watched the sea as it continued its relentless journey to the shore. Then Martin gathered his thoughts before turning and beginning to speak.

"We have got to do something about this before her case comes to court. She will get the death penalty for sure with the evidence that Cheryl and I have collected. There is more than was disclosed today."

"So what are we going to do about it? I spoke to Steve yesterday, and I have to say he gave me the impression that he thinks she is guilty." Tony felt more and more desperate as he spoke. He knew how much Rae had always relied on Steve's judgement from the letters she sent him, and he had a feeling that if Steve wasn't with them on this then in his opinion Rae was lost.

"I'm gonna go and speak to him, I know he's at the hospital, but I'm sure that I can get a few words with him, d'you want to come?"

"Yes, please. I need to go and see Jesse as well."

"I didn't see Jesse at the courthouse, I thought for sure he would be there." Martin suddenly remembered being aware of his absence earlier in the day.

"He's in the hospital, and not as a doctor, but a patient. Alex Martin had him admitted with nervous exhaustion." Tony was astounded that Martin didn't know about Jesse, but with Rae and Steve out of the picture he supposed that there was nobody to pass on that kind of information.

"Oh, God, I didn't realise." Martin began to see an impossible situation getting bigger and more unruly by the minute, and then a thought struck him. "Eliana, who is looking after the baby?"

"I have no idea, but Jesse didn't mention her while we were talking, so I am sure that she must be fine, he was very upset that he hadn't remembered I was arriving yesterday, and if he was worried about his daughter I know he would have said something." Tony tried to cover up a yawn as he realised that he was still on London time.

Martin started the car up again and drove out of the parking lot; he had a feeling that his conversation with Steve was going to be a difficult one. If Tony thought that Steve felt Rae was guilty then he had no idea how he was going to prove that she wasn't.

Mark had started to come around properly, after his second trip to the OR, just after lunch and Steve and Jo had both been sitting there. He had slowly begun to realise that he was in a hospital bed and that he felt like he had been cut in half by something. Mark began to open his eyes and as his surroundings came into focus he saw his son sitting looking anxiously at him.

"Shouldn't we be the other way round?" Mark didn't know why that was the first thing he said, but it seemed appropriate.

"And good afternoon to you too." Steve couldn't keep the smile from his face. He had been so worried that he was going to lose his dad, and to hear that his first words were a joke was more than he could have hoped for.

"What happened, Steve?" Mark tried to remember how he had arrived in this bed, but he couldn't.

"You were attacked, outside Bob's. Don't you remember?" Steve tightened his grip on Mark's hand. He hadn't even realised he was holding it until he felt the fingers move underneath his palm.

"Someone came up behind me, and I thought it was Rae so I turned to greet her… I don't remember anything else… I don't know who did it."

"Dad, it was Rae who did it." Steve found his anger rising as he spoke, how could she have done what she did? 

"No, Son, it couldn't be Rae … it couldn't …" Mark tried to stifle a yawn, but both Steve and Jo saw it.

"Mark, you should be going off to sleep, not worryin' about this right now. We'll be here when you wake again, an' we can talk about things then, ok?"

Mark just nodded, his eyes closed and before either of them could say sweet dreams he was fast asleep again.

Jo got up and walked out into the hallway. She knew in her heart that Rae hadn't done any of the things she was supposed to, but Steve was blinkered by what had happened to Mark and to her. 

Jesse had woken up and begun fretting so much after Alex had left that Wil had given him a sedative, and he had slept right through the night. He had worried all morning, but once he had eaten his lunch exhaustion had won out, and Jesse had been asleep ever since. Tony quietly entered his room and sat down by his bed. He could see the doctor's outline under the sheets, he was a small man, and while he was sleeping he looked very young. Tony smiled for a second, he guessed he had been that young once. He remembered Rae's mother worrying about the age difference when they had been married. He was ten years older than Rae, and she had been sure that was a recipe for disaster. When they had parted Rae had tried to explain to her mother that it was her job that was to blame, but she never did get her to believe her.

Tony knew that Jesse loved Rae; he had no doubt about it. He had seen them together in the run up to the wedding, and he had read the letters that they both sent to Rae's children regularly. She had been happier than he had seen her since the early days of their relationship. Relaxed, laughing, joking, things that usually disappeared when she was under pressure. Tony looked down at the figure in the bed once again as he began to stir. He had told Jesse to keep her safe, and he knew that he had tried, but the things that had happened had been out of Jesse's reach. The wave of pity and understanding that swept him as he sat waiting for Jesse to wake up surprised him, and he knew that until Jesse was ready to take his place in Rae's world once again he would make sure that he was there to reassure him that was where he belonged.

"Rae?" Jesse's voice was sleepy, as he began to wake up.

"No, it's me, Tony." He felt guilty that he wasn't who Jesse wanted him to be.

"Oh. I guess I was dreaming then, I thought she was here." Jesse began to think and suddenly he realised why it was that Rae wasn't with him. "The hearing, what happened at the hearing?"

"The trial has been set for six weeks time. Rae pleaded 'not guilty' but the judge decided she had a case to answer."

"Oh." A single tear slid down Jesse's cheek and he took a deep breath. "I just feel so helpless. She needs me and there is nothing I can do, I can't even go see her until she sends me the form to fill in, and then I have to wait thirty days." A picture of Rae came up in his mind, and he ached to hold her, or at least to touch her.

"I don't know what to say, Jesse, I wish there was something I could do to help you."

"Just tell me that you don't hate me. I promised to keep her safe and I failed. I keep thinking about Eliana and John, Patrick and Mara. Oh, God, Tony, I don't think I can cope with any of this." Jesse couldn't keep the tears in and he turned away from Tony and curled up into a ball. Tony found himself watching as he lay there, sobbing.  Just as Tony began to wonder whether he should try to console him he heard a knock and Jo put her head round the door.

"Jesse? Oh, Honey." Jo took the scene in with one glance. She didn't say anything else; she just rushed across and took him in her arms. "Shhh, we will save her, we have to, she didn't do all these things they are sayin' she did."

As Jesse heard Jo's words he gulped back his tears and looked at her. "You think she is innocent?" He saw her nod her head. "And Steve? I heard him talk to Tony in the hallway before, he thinks she's guilty."

Jo took a breath. She hadn't realised that Jesse had heard Steve. "I know, but he is so personally involved in what happened that he can't see beyond the fact that Mark is lyin' in a hospital bed an' whoever did it bears a resemblance to Rae."

"Ah, excuse me, but Martin wants to speak to Steve about the case, but he doesn't think that Rae is guilty either." Tony didn't really want to interrupt Jesse and Jo, who he could see were obviously very close, but the mention of Steve reminded him of what he had promised Martin he would do.

"Then why the hell did he arrest her?" Jesse was suddenly furious.

"Because the evidence points to her. It's just a feeling; he knows her and says she couldn't do it. Jesse, all we have are feelings, I have to say that the evidence that was heard by the court today would hang anybody." Tony looked at the two faces in front of him and realised that at the moment he had far more information than either of them. 

"What do they have?" Jo's voice was a little wavering but it was determined. "We need to know if we are gonna disprove it."

"Look, we need to be together to talk about this. Jo, can you get Steve to come and have a discussion with us?" Tony knew that getting Steve to come would be hard, and he could understand why. They were trying to free the person he believed was responsible for trying to murder his father.

"I think the best thing would be for us all to be in one place so that we can go over what we have. I'll get in touch with Michael an' we can all meet at my place in an hour or so. Mark will be asleep for most of the afternoon, an' Steve an' I can come back to see him this evenin'. Jesse, I will speak to Alex an' we can take you with us, Amanda an' Martin need to be there too." Jo was ticking people off on her fingers as she spoke. Then she moved across to the phone on the wall of Jesse's room and began to speak to the people she needed.

It took just over an hour and a half but in the end there were nine adults and one baby in Jo's living room. Jo had driven over and picked Eliana up from Sally and she had been sitting happily in her daddy's arms, as he looked around at all the people willing to work to free his wife, until Steve had arrived. After about five minutes Jesse had smiled and slowly he had stood up, walked over to his friend and gently placed his daughter in Steve's arms.

"I know you think she is guilty, but she isn't, Steve." Jesse turned then and walked back to his seat, and Steve realised that by giving him his child he was showing that he still trusted him as a friend, and just for a second his resolve began to waver.

Alex had released Jesse into his own care for the evening, and was watching him closely to make sure that the intensity of the meeting wouldn't be more than Jesse could cope with. Martin had driven Tony over to Jo's and it was clear that the two men were becoming friends. They had been the last to arrive, and kept looking over at Steve as if they had guilty consciences. Jo had managed to talk Steve into coming, but everybody in the room could see that he wasn't at all happy about being there, apart from the fact that it gave him a chance to play with his goddaughter, who he was bouncing up and down on his knee. Amanda had a stack of files in front of her and she was looking through them as she waited for someone to speak. Mr. Sholte was sitting in the big winged chair and was a little bit on the outside looking in, and Michael had placed the coffee pot and a tray with cakes and biscuits on and was just about to leave for his kitchen.

"Michael, I would like you to stay if you would. I think you should be able to contribute to this." Jo's voice stopped him as he turned to leave.

"Certainly, Madam, if that is what you wish. I will just go and get Miss Eliana's formula, she is due a feed in just under ten minutes then I won't interrupt anything." The butler left the room for a moment and despite the seriousness of the situation everybody in the room smiled at his back.

"Your man should have been a lawyer, my dear." Mr. Sholte smiled at Jo in a fatherly type of way. "Nothing ever seems to ruffle him."

"Oh, I don't know, I've seen him get very ruffled when somebody is rude to him." Jo looked at Steve in a very pointed fashion and he had the good grace to look uncomfortable. He was here under sufferance, he should be with his dad, not sitting here trying to clear Rae if she was guilty. For a moment his resolve wavered again. If she wasn't guilty then he owed it to her to fight in her corner with all her friends. If he was honest, it was against everything she believed in, but she had been severely traumatised over the last year or so, and that could turn anybody a little crazy. His mind was in turmoil and he was extremely relieved when he saw Michael return with Eliana's bottle and Steve held his hand out and took it from him.

He looked down with a smile as he saw the little girl grab hold of the bottle with both hands and place it in her mouth. As she began to gulp it down her eyes locked onto Steve and they never left his face for the whole time she was drinking. Jo began to talk and Steve managed to look away from Eliana's adoring gaze and listen to her.

"Ok, we all know why we are here, apart from Steve, we think that Rae is innocent of all the things she has been charged with. Gilbert would you like to explain what happened today?"

Everybody looked a little puzzled until Mr. Sholte stood up. "I have to say that I was quite dismayed at the evidence that Detective Banks produced. But I was more perturbed by the fact that it seemed that once she began speaking about the murder of Mr. Posner, Mrs Travis had no idea what she was talking about."

"When we interviewed her after her arrest, she didn't seem aware of it did she?" Martin looked over at the man he now knew was called Gilbert and waited.

"No, and I did mentioned my concern to you then, but I thought that because it had been talked about it might have jogged her memory."

"Can you be charged with something you don't remember doing?" Tony's voice sounded hopeful.

"Oh yes. Otherwise anybody could plead amnesia."

"Look, I hate to burst everybody's bubble here, but the evidence we collected is substantial, and most of it points towards Rae. I went back to the station and picked up everything that I could, and I have it with me." 

"What?" Steve shouted the word, and everybody in the room saw Eliana jump a mile, drop her bottle and begin to scream. 

Jo got up and took the baby from him and began to walk up and down with her. She glared at Steve as she passed him. "You have never taken evidence? How have you an' your daddy solved all the murders' you have together? I guess it is one rule for you an' another for everybody else."

"That's different, Dad's a consultant to the police department, he is entitled to see things, and Amanda is a medical examiner." Steve's voice was raised and he could feel his anger fighting to get out.

"An' these people are tryin' to help your friend an' partner prove that she didn't commit murder, but maybe you don't want to be a part of that. If it was you in jail Rae would be the first one to shout your innocence from the rooftops." Jo paused a moment and looked at Eliana, even though she had been raising her voice, the little girl seemed quite happy where she was. "But maybe you aren't even prepared to consider that she might be innocent. If you don't feel you can help then you had better leave."

"Look I don't want to cause arguments, ok?" Martin hurriedly tried to intervene, he bent over and picked up a pile of papers that he had under his chair. "I thought we could go through it all now and see if anybody here notices things that Cheryl and I didn't. I have copies of everything. The originals are still there, but nothing that I have is any different to the stuff in the evidence lockers."

"Do you have the video?" It was Mr. Sholte who spoke up, hoping to divert the attention away from Miss Walters and her fiancé.

"Yes, Sir." Martin looked over at the lawyer. "But you've seen it, haven't you?"

"No, I didn't have a chance before, I have put a request into Detective Banks so that I may view it in the morning, but a sneak preview may not be such a bad thing." Gilbert wasn't quite sure why he was doing this. It wasn't as above board as he usually tried to be, but he wanted to see the evidence with people who thought his client was innocent, not those who would convict her without a second thought.

Martin put the tape in the player and a silence descended over the room. The picture flickered into life and they all sat and watched the horrific scene play out before them.

The back view of Mr. Posner came into shot as he walked across the parking lot. The film was black and white, and a little grainy, but it was obvious that this was the murder victim; Martin wouldn't be showing them unrelated film. They could all see the tell tale shape of Rae's car just in front of Mr. Posner as he walked along, and then a person moved in front of him. This person was shorter than he was, and his body obscured her face. It was clear from the film just when the knife was plunged into him because he froze for a second and then collapsed forwards. In the time it took him to fall his murderer had moved out of shot. There was about a minute then when the man just lay there, and a dark pool became apparent underneath him. There wasn't, as Cheryl had said, very much blood, but there was enough to be seen. 

The scene changed as a person came into view. This time it was obvious that it was Rae; she knelt down by the body and felt for a pulse. Then she put her hands down into the blood on the ground and wiped it off on her top. She appeared to be totally unaware of her surroundings, and for a moment Rae just knelt there. Then she seemed to snap out of it and she moved off towards her car. As she did so she left a bloody trail of footprints behind her. Martin turned the tape off and looked at the people in the room. Nobody said a word, but then as if sensing the mood among her companions Eliana began to cry. Not a loud scream like before, but a slow and heartbreaking sound, and everybody felt that she was crying for her mommy.


	18. 18 Conflict and Confrontation

**Conflict and Confrontation**

Rae was driven back to the prison in silence. She wouldn't have spoken anyway, she had no words to explain how she felt, and she couldn't have made small talk because it was beyond her at the moment. The van drew back in through the prison gates and Rae saw her previous life disappear as they clanged shut behind her.

The doors of the van were opened, and Rae, now handcuffed to her guard was pulled unceremoniously out and back into the building. She had suffered the indignity of having a blanket over her head when she came out of the courthouse, and after that had happened Rae stopped thinking. The cuffs were removed and Rae just stood and looked ahead of her. She had no idea how to get back to her cell, she wasn't even really sure exactly where she was. 

"Come on, Yeager, move now!" 

Rae felt a hand push in the small of her back and she just began to walk in the direction she had been shoved. She kept walking until she was pulled to the left and then she walked that way. No more words were exchanged and finally Rae found herself standing outside a door that looked exactly the same as all the others. The smart card was run down the slot and the interior was revealed. Rae moved inside it and before the door shut again she heard the guard's voice.

"Change back into this, now." The guard stood in the doorway, and watched again as Rae changed back into her prison wear. The beautiful suit that she had worn in court was taken from her and in a moment of clear thought Rae wondered whether she would ever see it again.

The door slid across and Rae sank down onto the bed. She tried to remember what had happened to her during the day, but it was all a little hazy. She could see Mr. Sholte standing with her in the court, and Cheryl damning her with every word she spoke. As she sat there Rae realised that there had been someone in the court who was rooting for her, Tony had been there! Until now he had just been a face in a crowd, but he had been there. The tears came up in Rae's eyes and she shut them so that she wouldn't let any fall. As Rae's eyes closed Jesse's face came up in her mind, and she could no longer contain the tears. She missed him so much, and she wished with all her heart that she had opened up to him when he had wanted her to. Rae realised that she would have to find out how she could get some writing paper, she had to let him know just how much she needed him, and to tell him how sorry she was. 

Rae lay back on her bunk and tried to shut the thoughts out of her mind. She had lost everything that she had worked so hard for. Her career, her husband, her family, the life that she had battled to keep here in Los Angeles, through no fault of her own, it had all disappeared.

Steve had got up after the video had finished and left the room. Jo had watched him leave and felt her heart sink. She was so sure that Rae was innocent, and that they would find the evidence to get her released, but she wasn't sure how her friend would cope with the fact that not only Cheryl thought she was guilty, but Steve too. 

"Excuse me, I think that this little princess needs to be in her bed. I'll be back in a few minutes." Jo carried Eliana up the stairs and into the nursery. She gently laid the sleeping child in the crib, picked up her soft doll and put it next to her, then after placing a kiss on her cheek she lowered the light, plugged in the baby monitor and left the room.

"…information was it that you said you had that hasn't been disclosed yet?"

Jo could hear Alex speaking, probably to Martin as she came down the stairs, but she wasn't planning on going back into the living room straight away. She knew that Steve would be standing out by the pool and so that was where she was headed.

As Jo opened the door she could see him silhouetted against the clear night sky. She moved over towards him and placed her hand on his arm. "Honey, are you all right?" He turned towards her and she could see the mixed emotions on his face. "Oh, darlin', please, don't stand out here worryin' an' frettin'."

"She's my partner, Jo, I trusted her with my life, and I love her so much, I am just mixed up and muddled." Steve moved away from her and sat down on the patio. Jo came and sat with him.

"She hasn't changed, Steve, someone is doing this to her. I don't know why, an' I don't know how, but they are doing one hell of a job, especially if they have you doubtin' her. But Gilbert is a good guy, he'll help her."

"How can he? Jo, he's your lawyer and when this gets to trial it is going to be a serious conflict of interests for the man."

Jo turned away a moment, she knew that Steve believed Rae to be guilty, and that because of that he thought that she was responsible for nearly killing both her and his father. The words she spoke next came out very softly, but Steve heard every one of them. "There will be no conflict, I'm going to get the charges dropped."

"What? Jo she tried to kill you. She sabotaged your car, for God's sake. If you do that, if you drop the charges then she won't get the help she needs. Then how will you feel?" Steve stood up again and walked away from his fiancée.

"Now hold on a minute here. How will **I** feel? Oh no, don't you try to pass all your guilt feelin's onto me. I won't feel anythin' I'll **know** that I have done the right thing, because **she didn't do it.** An' if you can't see this then you will lose her." Jo had been shouting, but as she finished her voice had returned to a whisper.

"Yeah, well that's how it will have to be. You just won't accept the fact that your best friend tried to kill you, and my dad, and succeeded in killing three others." Steve threw the words at her and Jo took an instinctive step backwards. As she did so she heard a throat clear.

"Ah, Madam, I was just checking to see that everything was all right." Michael looked a little embarrassed as he stood in the doorway.

"Oh, yeah, Michael everthin's just peachy out here. We'll be back in, in a minute… Michael wait. Tell me, do you think Rae did any of these things?" Jo looked at Steve as if daring him to interrupt.

"No, Madam. I realise that I don't know her as well as either of you, but she has always struck me as an honourable person. I don't think she could commit any of these crimes, however badly life had treated her."

"Thank you, Michael." Jo turned in triumph and was shocked to see Steve's face creased with anguish, and she could see him wrestling with his conscience. "Honey, what? What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Don't you shut me out Steve Sloan, tell me, somethin' that Michael said made you stop an' think, now what was it?" Jo moved closer to him, she knew that he needed her support if he was to cope with his feelings through all of this.

"Michael said she was honourable."

"That's because she is." Jo knew she shouldn't but she had to interrupt.

"When we were working the night watchman murders, she kept saying that. One of the men had said he was an honourable man to his wife. Rae picked up on it, she knew it was important, and she was right. The men were all killed because they wouldn't break the law, honour is important to her. Oh, God Jo, I don't know what to think about all this." Steve pulled her closer to him for a moment and hugged her.

"Then you will make the right decision. If you can look at this objectively then you will realise that she didn't do it." Jo smiled at him and was relieved to see him smile back.

"I need to go back and talk to Dad, and find out what really happened." 

"Honey, he needs his sleep, we can go an' see him in the mornin' an' find out everythin' we need then. Leave him be tonight, but please come back in an' try to help us, we need you, Rae needs you." To Jo's relief Steve nodded and, hand in hand, they walked back towards the house but just before they reached the door Steve stopped walking and pulled Jo close to him.

"Thank you, I'm sorry, this is just so hard, and I don't know which way to turn."

"I know, an' I am worried about your dad too, but Rae wouldn't hurt him, not ever." Jo put her hand up into Steve's hair and pulled his face down towards her own. As she began to kiss him she felt him relax just a little, and he began to run his fingers in and through her hair.

"Oh, Jo, I love you so much, please help me to get everybody through this."

"I will, you know that." Jo smiled at him and they linked arms and made their way back to their friends.

Michael had cleared the coffee table, Martin had laid out the papers he had brought with him and Amanda had put the folders she had been looking at on there as well. Alex was reading through one folder, and Jesse who wasn't looking as tired and worn as he had done was talking quietly with Amanda. The room was alive with activity, and Steve and Jo could see that everybody was working feverishly, or almost everyone. Jo had to smile as she looked over to the sofa and then she nudged Steve. He smiled as well as he saw Tony laid out along the seats fast asleep.

"He just nodded off, and Michael gently laid him down." Jesse was smiling as he spoke, and Jo moved over towards him.

"Honey, you look much better than you did when you arrived."

"I feel much better, I think I just felt so helpless, and lost, but now we are doing something, something concrete to help…" Jesse took a deep breath, as for a moment the helplessness washed over him again. "I miss her so much, I just want her to come home."

"I know you do, we all do, an' we will find out what is going on so that we can get her back to you an' Eliana." Jo kissed him gently on the cheek, just as she had his daughter and then she found herself a seat at the table and began to look at some of the information in front of her. Jo picked up a photo that had been taken from the video and she could clearly see Rae standing over the body. Then she picked up one of the stills of the actual murder, but try as she might she couldn't see the face of the murderer.

It was another two hours before Michael came quietly over to Jo and suggested that they call it a night. "I think we should leave this for another time now, Madam, the Lieutenant is on duty tomorrow, and Doctor Travis is looking very tired now."

"Michael, thank you, I hadn't realised." Jo cleared her throat. "Let's call it a day now an' come back tomorrow night to carry on, if that is all right with everybody else."

"Ah, not tomorrow night, I can't." Alex looked very embarrassed as he spoke. "I have a date with, ah, five nurses."

"Five nurses!" Steve's voice was incredulous, and he began to laugh.

"Yeah, I was won at the auction by five nurses. Let me see, Shannon, Mary, Louise, Katie and Nadine." Alex counted them off on his fingers and felt himself go very red.

"And where are you taking the lucky ladies?" Jesse was tired, but he couldn't resist joining in.

"We are gonna go to Secrets Nightclub, and I am seriously looking forward to the whole thing being over."

The group of friends broke up then, and went their separate ways. Michael covered Tony over with one of the comforters from upstairs and left the man to his exhausted sleep. Steve and Jo walked up the stairs hand in hand and gently opened the door to the nursery.

Eliana was fast asleep her favourite dolly in her arms. She looked like a small angel; her hair billowed out in the shape of a halo, and a look of peace and innocence on her face.

Jo and Steve looked at each other and then back at the small child, if they needed something to show them what they were fighting for, then it was fast asleep in this very room, they would fight for her, she needed her mommy, just as much as her mommy needed her.

Steve and Jo went into their own bedroom and once he had shut the door Steve turned Jo to face him. "I'm sorry, this is so difficult, but I am so glad that you are here for me. I love you Josephine Walters, I hope you know that."

Jo looked up into the deep eyes of the man standing before her, and nodded slightly. Then she pulled him over and onto the bed. She slowly and carefully began to remove his clothing, and felt him do the same to her. Soon they were lying entwined on the bed, and, as Steve felt Jo begin to leave tiny kisses all over his chest, he let the problems and worries slip away, and moved his fingers into her hair, then as he felt her move further down his body he let out a moan of pleasure and he gave himself to her completely.

Rae lay on her bed all evening, apart from when she had gone to get something to eat. She had picked at her meal until it was stone cold and she had returned it to the counter where she had got it. Now she was just waiting for the lights to go out so that she could shut leave the day behind, and wait for her dreams to take over.

It was just after eight the next morning when Tony woke up, and found to his horror and embarrassment that he was still on Jo's couch. He sat up a little stiffly and saw a hot cup of coffee sitting on the table. He smiled, he could get used to having a butler, even if it did mean waking up in the living room each morning.

Michael was making breakfast in the kitchen as Tony stood and knocked on the doorframe. "Ah, good morning, Sir, I hope that under the circumstances you slept well. It seemed inappropriate to wake you last night, you seemed to be sleeping comfortably enough."

"Michael, I am so sorry that I did that, I can't believe that I slept the whole night on your couch."

"It isn't a problem at all, Sir, apart from the fact that you would have been more comfortable in one of the bedrooms. Madam said to tell you that you were welcome to move in here for the duration of your stay, so that you can keep up with everything that is going on. She also said to make your breakfast, which, I have to say, I would have done anyway." Michael managed to look a little put out without actually seeming to move a muscle.

"That is very kind of her, and I may take her up on it, I don't plan to go home until Rae is at least on the way to freedom… and I hate hotels." Tony stopped talking for a second as a thought hit him. "But that may be much longer than Jo was envisaging having me around her lovely home."

"No, I think that is exactly what she thought would happen. You were only planning to be here a week, but it may take longer than that to facilitate Mrs Travis's release."

"Michael, what is Rae's proper name now? I have heard her called Detective Yeager, Mrs Travis and even Mrs Travis-Yeager."

"When she is working she is known as Detective Yeager, but in her private life she is Mrs Travis."

"Oh, right, thanks. Maybe I should go and talk to Jo about staying here, then, although that does smell awfully good, I think I will wait and see her afterwards." Tony realised that the smell of bacon cooking was probably his breakfast being prepared and he realised just how hungry he was.

"It will have to be a little later anyway, Sir. Madam and the Lieutenant have gone in to the hospital to see Doctor Sloan this morning."

"Oh, of course, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight."

"After all that has happened to you recently, Sir, I'm not surprised that you are having a little difficulty taking it all in." Michael put the last rasher of bacon onto the plate with grilled tomatoes, a fried egg and fried bread and then placed it on the kitchen table while he went to get the tray.

"Goodness, is that for me? Michael, thank you." Tony sat down at the table and picked up the knife and fork, which was next to the plate.

"No, Sir, I will take it into the breakfast room for you."

"Michael, this is fine, really, besides, I would like to talk to you if that is all right. I know that Rae considers you a friend, and well, I miss being a part of her life, maybe you could fill me in on what has been happening, before the sky fell on her again that is."

Michael smiled as Tony said that Rae saw him as a friend, and he nodded. If Jo had been there she would have been amazed at what happened next. Michael pulled out the chair next to Tony and sat down. "If Sir doesn't mind, I will sit for a moment then."

"Of course I don't mind, if Rae considers you a friend, then that is more than good enough for me, now, what can you tell me?"

Steve and Jo had arrived at the hospital just after half past seven and gone straight to Mark's room. There had been a nurse in with him and so they had stood outside in the hallway and waited until he was alone before tapping quietly on the glass and then entering.

"Dad, how are you feeling this morning?" Steve moved right up to where Mark was resting and looked anxiously at him.

"A little better. I think I have got the anaesthetic out of my system now. I was way out of it when I last saw you." Mark smiled and saw both Steve and Jo relax as they looked at him.

"Mark, we were so worried for you, are you sure you're feelin' better today?" Jo moved over and kissed him gently on the cheek. She noticed that he had his colour back, and there was the unmistakable twinkle in his eyes once again.

"Better enough to appreciate a kiss from a pretty girl." Mark carried on smiling, he was so pleased to see them, and he began to realise that when Steve was in this position it was reassuring to have somebody you love sitting with you and helping you through the difficult times. He also understood why he always wanted to go straight home as soon as he woke up; he wanted to go home too.

Steve sat down on the chair next to the bed and took his dad's hand in his own. "You really are feeling better?"

"Son, I'm a doctor, I wouldn't lie to you, yes, I am feeling better, better enough to ask what is going on about finding out who did this to me… and don't tell me it was Rae, because I just won't believe you." Mark saw Steve look away for a moment as if unable to face him. "Steve, look at me. You can't think that Rae did this, or any of the other attacks."

"Dad, I'm a cop, I have to go on the evidence that is presented, and the evidence all adds up to one thing. Rae is guilty, maybe not responsible for her actions, but guilty."

"Then the evidence is wrong." Mark spoke with a tone that told his son that he wouldn't listen to anything more he had to say about Rae being guilty and Jo thought that it was probably time to intervene.

"We all met at my house last night, while you were asleep, an' Steve is right about one thing. The evidence is loaded against her. She had her preliminary hearin' yesterday Mark, an' she will go to trial in six weeks on three counts of murder and one of attempted murder. There were two attempted charges, you an' I, but I am havin' mine dropped." Jo looked over at the man in the bed. She didn't want to give him too much information so soon after he had been badly injured, but she knew that if they kept anything from him he would be more cross and upset.

"I wish I could get out of this hospital and help you. Steve can you bring me some of the files to look through while I am in here? If I were my doctor I wouldn't let me out for about another five days, so I know I am going to be stuck for a while."

"I'll bring you in some of the stuff from home. We left it all ready to have another session tomorrow night. Alex can't come tonight, and Jesse was exhausted by last night's gathering." Steve looked at his father and realised that he needed to be a part of this investigation, and the fact that he was in a hospital bed wouldn't be a good reason not to keep him fully informed.

Rae realised as she picked up her breakfast tray that she was actually hungry, probably because she hadn't eaten anything worth mentioning since she had arrived in the jail. She got her meal and then looked around for somewhere to sit. As she began to move into the cafeteria she heard a noise, at first she couldn't work out what it was, but then it got a little louder and a little clearer. As she looked round the words assaulted her ears and she just wanted to turn and run. All she could hear was one word repeated over and over again by almost everybody in the room.

"Cop, cop, cop, cop, cop."

With tears forming in her eyes Rae spotted an empty table in a corner and headed over towards it. She had almost made it when she felt her leg connect with something and she went flying. With the tray in her hands she had no way to save herself, and her knees slammed into the hard floor and pain shot through them, she landed in a heap and the chanting continued, louder and louder.

"Cop, Cop, Cop, COP, COP."

Rae turned herself in to the smallest ball she could make. She could feel the pain from her knees radiating up through her, and the noise from the chanting echoing round and round in her head. Suddenly there was a third sensation as she felt herself being hauled up by the back of her top.

"Stand up, Cop."

Rae had no choice but to stand and she had to will herself not to panic over the pressure her clothes were putting on her throat. She opened her eyes and found herself looking into the eyes of one of the animal rights protesters that she had arrested during the Worthington case.

"So, how does it feel to be loved by all who surround you?" 

Rae felt herself being propelled across the room, and slammed into the wall. She felt the fist of the activist as it was forced into her stomach, and, as she doubled over and her legs gave way beneath her she heard an alarm being sounded, there was a violent, sharp pain in the back of her neck and she neither saw nor heard anything more.

Alex had just finished his coffee break and was heading back towards the ER when he saw two nurses coming towards him. 

"Hi, Doctor Martin, are you looking forward to tonight?" One of the nurses was over a head taller than the other, and it was she who spoke.

"Yeah, it will be fun, you are two of the nurses who bid, right?"

"That's right," it was the other nurse who spoke up now. "My name is Louise, and this is Shannon, and there is Nadine, Katie and Mary as well."

"Ok, well I'll meet you at Secrets Nightclub at eight then, is that all right?"

"It sure is, that's a great place to spend an evening, we'll see you there, doc." It was Shannon who spoke. She was very different to look at than Louise, who was small, with brown hair. Shannon was much taller, about five ten, Alex reckoned, and she had jet black hair pulled back into a braid, it looked like lovely hair.

"…I said should we meet at the bar, or the first one there grabs a table?" Louise raised her voice as she realised that the Doctor wasn't listening to her.

"I'm sorry, yeah, first one there grab a table. See you then, ladies." Alex made his excuses and carried on down the hallway to begin the second part of his shift, as he did so he heard his name being broadcast from the loudspeaker system and he broke into a run.

Doctor Jacobs had taken one look at Rae and decided that he needed to send her out to be treated. He didn't like the fact that she had been kicked in the head, at least once by the look of it, if not more, and he had a feeling that she had a couple of cracked ribs, her left knee had swollen up like a balloon and the right one wasn't that much better. From what he understood from the guard who'd brought her to the infirmary she had been attacked in the cafeteria and they'd had to drag her away from the other prisoner who was kicking and screaming abuse at her. Rae was still unconscious when she was loaded into the prison ambulance, a guard at her side. He shook his head, he had known that she was probably going to be attacked, but he was still upset that it had happened.

The nurse on duty met Alex as he arrived at the reception desk to await the arrival of the next patient.

"Doctor Martin, the patient is a prisoner from the woman's jail, she was attacked by another inmate and is, or was, when she left there, unconscious. Sir, it's Detective Yeager."

Alex felt his stomach constrict as he listened to the nurse, and when she said that it was Rae coming in he was distressed to discover that he wasn't at all surprised. The doors opened as he processed his thoughts, and he moved over at a trot to be at his patient's side.

"Rae, Rae, can you hear me?" Alex was concerned to note that there was no response at all, and he picked up the papers on the gurney next to her, to see how long she had been unconscious and how she had received her injuries. "Take her into trauma two, get on to x-ray to notify them that she will be coming down, I might need a neuro-surgeon, so find out who is on call, and then get on to admitting I want a private room arranged, STAT."

"Yes, Doctor." The nurse smiled at the young man in front of her. She thought he'd blossomed since he had qualified, and she wished that she'd had enough money to join the syndicate who had won him at the auction.

"I will stay with the prisoner at all times." The guard pushed her way into the trauma suite as the gurney was being manoeuvred through the doors.

"Ok, you can stand over there. Don't get in my way, and I won't get in yours. As you can see your prisoner won't be going very far for a while." Alex couldn't hide the animosity in his voice, and so he turned his back on the guard and began to examine his patient.

It took just over an hour to get Rae x-rayed and admitted. It had been decided that there was no need for the neuro-surgeon but as she was settled into the bed in her room she still hadn't come around. Alex glared at the guard who was standing so close to the bed that it was impossible for him to check Rae over without standing on her toes. "Do you think you could just move over to the window for a few minutes, I just want to make sure that all the activity hasn't worsened her condition."

"Just a minute then." The guard, who Alex could see from her name badge was called Bryant, moved over and began to peer through the blind at the world outside. He went over all the basic checks again, and then wrote a note on the chart at the end of the bed.

"Mrs Travis isn't going to be in any state to be moved for at least a week, you can guard her from outside the door, I don't want you in the room with her. A nurse will be checking on her every fifteen minutes, and you will let her enter each time. If not they will report to me, and I will report to your superior. I hope that is clear." Alex had decided that he was going to lay down the ground rules, and trust that they would be accepted.

"Yes, that will be acceptable. As you said she isn't going anywhere." Officer Bryant couldn't keep the sneer out of her voice. She had known that the cop would get into trouble, she hadn't realised it would be quite as serious as this, but that wasn't her problem, and in her opinion Yeager, Travis or whatever her name was, deserved everything that she got.

Alex spoke for a moment to the nurse on duty and then he headed up to where Mark was resting. He knocked on the door and poked his head round. "Hi, all, can I come in?"

"Hey, Alex, sure, the more the merrier." Mark smiled at his young friend. "What's up?"

"I need to speak to Jo, I want to ask her do something, but it could get her into trouble, and I don't want her to do anything she isn't comfortable with."

"What? If it's something to help Rae, then just tell me what it is an' I'll do it." She looked at Steve as if to say, 'don't say a word', and then smiled at Alex.

"Rae was attacked this morning." 

"What? What happened to her?" It was Steve who spoke, suddenly she wasn't a guilty person any more, she was just his friend and the only thing he felt was enormous concern for her safety.

"She was ridiculed in the cafeteria and then she was attacked by somebody who, according to the guard that is with her, Rae had arrested during the Worthington case."

"Oh, God, one of the animal rights activists. What did they do to her, Alex?" Steve was on his feet now, he just wanted to rush down and find out for himself how she was.

"Well, this guard, Officer Bryant, doesn't seem to have much time for Rae, and had great pleasure in giving me all the details. Apparently when Rae came into the seating area with her tray everybody started to chant 'cop, cop, cop'. I guess she must have ignored it, because Bryant didn't say anything about a reaction, then when she was walking to her table she was tripped up, and she must have smacked her knees hard on the floor, the left one is really swollen up, the right isn't quite as bad, but I can't see what damage was done yet." Alex paused for breath and looked at the three people listening intently to his every word.

"But there's more isn't there? If she was brought here, she must have been injured some more." Jo managed to keep her voice steady, although she wasn't feeling very steady herself.

"She couldn't save herself which is why she hurt her knees, then this activist, is that what you said?" Alex looked at Steve and saw him nod, his face grave and full of concentration. "She hauled Rae up shoved her against a wall, and punched her in the stomach."

"Oh, my, God, didn't anybody try to stop this from happenin'?"

"She's a cop, Jo. You know how they treat cops in jail." Steve looked at Jo and then seeing how distressed she was getting he pulled her towards him, and wrapped his arms around her.

"It didn't stop there, Rae has three cracked ribs, so she must have been kicked there a couple of times, and she has a concussion, a bad one, she was kicked in the back of the head too." Alex paused, knowing that his next words would cause more distress.  "I've had to have her put into cervical traction."

Jo had tears in her eyes now, and she looked at Alex as she began to speak. "I don't care what it is you want me to do, I'll do it. Nobody should be treated like that."

"She's been admitted and there is a watch on the door. I have told the guard she will have to stay outside the room, and that a nurse will check on her every fifteen minutes. She doesn't need to be checked every fifteen minutes; once or twice an hour would be enough. But I want you to go and see her, every now and then, I can get you a uniform, so that when she comes round there is somebody there who cares for her."

Jo came over and kissed Alex on the cheek before she said anything. "Of course, I will, an' you are gonna be a wonderful doctor, no wonder Rae chose you."

"Thank you." Alex felt himself begin to blush, but he knew that he had to get back to the matter at hand. "Jo, the neck brace she is wearing will frighten the life out of her when she wakes up. You will need to get me up there before she is fully conscious."

"I will do everythin' I can to make sure that happens." Jo looked at the young man in front of her. She would never transfer from Mark, who had become her physician after she had begun going out with Steve, but if she had still needed a new doctor, then she wouldn't have hesitated to register with Alex.

Mark had been silent in his bed for the entire conversation, now he began to speak. "What about Jesse, has anybody told him that Rae is here?"

"Mark, Jesse is here too, he was admitted after you were attacked, he just couldn't cope with everything that was going on. I haven't told him yet, but I will. I wanted to be able to explain about Jo at the same time." Alex looked at Mark as he spoke. He seemed to be getting back to his normal self, which heartened the young doctor no end.

"I guess we had better go down to the stores an' get me a nurse's uniform. I always liked playin' nurse an' bandagin' David up when he was a boy, now I get to be one for real." Jo and Alex left the room together and Steve turned back to face his dad.

"Son, what do you think now? I know that this doesn't change whether Rae is innocent or guilty, but I think maybe it changes the way you feel."

"Oh, God, Dad, I don't know. She's my partner, and, well, you know how I feel about her, but I saw you lying there, and I heard what you said as you were coming round from the anaesthetic and I was just so worried about you, and I guess I put two and two together and maybe made five."  Steve ran his hand through his hair; he had felt the need to do it much more since his hands had been broken. "I just hope if I am wrong she will forgive me for doubting her."

"Steve, this is Rae we're talking about, she will forgive the person who attacked her today, so there is no reason why she wouldn't forgive you too."

"Thanks, Dad.  Look, would you be all right for a little while? I can get in to see Rae, and I just want to make sure that she is ok with that guard."

"Yeah, sure, you go. It will set my mind at ease as well."

Steve smiled at his dad, left the room and headed down the hallway, then he turned round and came back. "Ah, I don't know what room she's in, I guess I better page Alex." Steve picked up the phone on the wall, and put the call through. Mark watched him with a smile. He had realised that Steve had no idea where he was going, but he had to admit, his son had returned quicker than he thought he would.

Steve smiled sheepishly at his dad as he put the phone back down. "Room 293, so I will try again, see you later, Dad."

This time Steve made it to his destination without any hiccups, and he could see the guard sitting outside the door. She didn't look very alert, but he guessed that if Rae was still out of it she had no real reason to be. 

Officer Bryant watched out of the corner of her eye as she saw a tall man begin to walk down the hallway towards her. There were three rooms further on than where she was sitting, so it was possible that he was aiming for one of them, but as she saw him slow his step she stood up.

"Yes, Sir, what can I do for you?"

"I would like to see your prisoner."

"I'm sorry, Sir, but she isn't receiving visitors."

"I'm not a visitor." Steve got his ID out of his back pocket and showed it. "Now can I go in?"

Officer Bryant didn't say a word, but she moved away from the door, and Steve, taking that to be a yes moved into the room. Rae was lying, as he had seen her so many times in the past, peacefully in the bed. She had no need of a ventilator to aid her recovery it would just take time. Steve could see that there was a box like shape over where he imagined her knees must be, to keep the weight of the covers off where she had hurt herself. Steve knew that although she was peaceful at the moment, as soon as she realised she had something around her neck that would change. The cervical traction device she was wearing looked horribly uncomfortable, and he could only guess at how overwhelming her terror would be when she realised it was there. He was glad she was no where near coming round, and he sat down for a minute, and checking that the effervescent Officer Bryant wasn't looking in through the glass, he took Rae's hand, and began to talk in a low voice.

"Oh, Rae, Honey, I'm so sorry, that this has happened to you. But at least it has gotten you out of that terrible place. I can't believe that I doubted you, but I promise I will fight with everything that I have to get you released. You just concentrate on getting well. But don't do it too quickly, that way you can stay in here longer." Steve looked around again, and he could see the back of the officer's head as she was sat in her chair. He leant forward and gave his partner a kiss on the cheek, and then he moved back over to the door. As he did so he could see people moving towards the room and Rae's guard stood up once again.

"Ah, Officer Bryant, this is Nurse Walters, she is one of the staff members who will be checking on Mrs Travis. She may stay with her for a while if she feels that her patient is showing signs of coming round. Nurse if you will come in with me I will explain the case to you."

"Yes, Doctor." Jo found she had to resist the temptation to look coyly at Alex, and wondered whether she could keep the uniform so that Steve could see her in it. 

Alex opened the door and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Steve standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Doctor, I was just checking on the prisoner, I trust you don't mind." Steve tried desperately to make Alex realise that he was here, supposedly officially.

"Ah, no, not at all, and you are?"

"Here is my ID… Nurse, would you like to come in?" Steve moved back into the room as he saw Jo standing in the doorway.

"Thank you… Sir." Jo smiled at him as she passed, and wondered what he was thinking.

"That is fine, Lieutenant. I will get in touch with you when she comes round, if that is convenient."

"Yes, thank you, Doctor." Steve turned his back on the doorway and the officer just outside, and then he gave Jo an exaggerated wink placed his hand briefly on her arm and then left the room.

"Ok, Nurse, let's go through this shall we?"

Alex moved over and closed the door to Rae's room, and then he went back to Jo and began to explain the cervical traction unit she was in, and the signs that would show that Rae was beginning to come round.

Steve checked his watch as he left Rae's room and realised that he had just under the hour to get to work. He went back up to speak to his dad to let him know about Rae and was surprised to find Cheryl and Martin sitting with him. Steve tapped on the doorframe and then he entered the room.

"Cheryl, Martin, it didn't take you long to get here did it?" Steve was surprised that the anger he felt was so apparent in his voice.

"Steve, I called them, I needed to talk about what happened, and it seemed a good idea to talk to Cheryl and Martin because I knew I would have to soon anyway."

"Ok, sorry. I've just come from Rae's room, and I guess I'm a bit stressed."

"How is she, Son?"

"Not good, still unconscious, but at least she isn't being bothered by dreams at the moment, and pain is being controlled as well."

"Rae is in the hospital?" Cheryl looked puzzled. "How long has she been here?"

"About two or three hours I would guess, you didn't know?"

"No, I didn't know, did I look like I knew?" Cheryl felt her anger rise as she had to admit that nobody had told them about Rae.

"Steve, what happened to her?" Martin sighed; he seemed to spend every waking minute stopping Steve from getting into dispute with somebody. 

"She was attacked in jail, which should come as no surprise to you. Most cops have a rough period if they do time, so I guess you expected it." Steve directed his comments to Cheryl and waited for her to bite.

"Steve, she broke the law, she killed three people, and attacked your father and your fiancée. She deserved to be there. I can't be held responsible for what happens to her inside."

"Please, Steve, just leave it for now, I need to talk to Cheryl and Martin, and if I'm not mistaken you should be heading for work yourself about now."

"Yeah, all right." Steve took a breath, and then turned to his colleagues. "I guess I'll see you later then." He moved over and placed his hand on Mark's shoulder. "Dad, I'll be back once my shift finishes. Don't wait up for me though, if you're asleep I'll just put my head round the door and head home."

"Ok, Son, I'll see you tomorrow then. I think I'll be fast asleep by the time you are back here."

Steve walked down the hallway towards Rae's room in case Jo was there. He realised that he had no idea where she would be when she wasn't with Rae, but his luck held and she was just coming out of Rae's room as he arrived.

"Ah, Nurse, could I have a word with you for a moment?" Steve remembered to carry on the charade for the guard.

"Certainly, Sir. Would you like to come with me to the desk an' we can talk there?"

They walked in silence to the nurse's station and then Jo stood behind it and waited for Steve to speak.

"Honey, I have to go to work now, I guess I'll see you tonight. Or are you planning to stay here until Rae comes round?"

"I think that she is showin' signs of comin' round already. I just need to page Alex, which is what I was comin' out of the room for. Rae's phone is on the blink. Hold on a minute an' let me do that."

Steve looked back round at the guard who didn't seem to have realised that Rae was showing signs of regaining consciousness. She was now reading a magazine, and even though Steve hadn't liked the woman on principle, he felt a little sorry for her. Standing guard on a patient's room had to be one of the worst duties anyone could pull, especially if the doctors and nurses were mostly the prisoner's friends.

"He's comin' back up to see Rae. Can you stay or do you want me to call you in a little while?"

"No, I'd better get to work, call me, and if you need me I'm sure I can get back. I'll see you at home." Steve resisted the temptation to kiss her goodbye and headed off once more, this time in the direction of the parking lot. As he walked he wondered when it was that Jo's house had become home to him. He had thought that he would always live at the beach house. In fact as the years had passed he had thought he would end up there alone. But now he was living in Beverley Hills, with the woman that he loved more than any other in the world, and he couldn't be happier. With a smile he got into his car and headed into work.


	19. 19 Memories and Secrets

**Memories and Secrets**

Alex had rushed up to Jo as soon as he got her call. He had been on his way to see Jesse when he was paged and so he still didn't know that his wife had been admitted. But if Jo was right, and she was now coming round, then it would have been a blessing in disguise that he had been delayed. He slowed to a walk as he rounded the corner onto Rae's hallway and moved down towards the door. Alex could see Jo standing waiting for him, and the guard who seemed to be reading something. Well that suited him just fine; he didn't want her in the room anyway.

"Doctor." Jo opened the door and they both entered. Alex pointedly shut the door behind him, but the guard, who was obviously not at all interested in Rae or her condition, didn't even lift her head.

Alex could see that Rae was beginning to stir, and so he sat on the chair next to her and began to speak. "Rae, Rae, it's Alex, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand." At first there was no response to his words, and so he tried again. "Rae, come on, Rae, open your eyes, it's all right, you're at Community General." This time his words seemed to get through and very slowly Rae began to open her eyes.

Rae had been aware of being in bed for a little while, she knew somehow that she wasn't awake, but she wasn't as deeply asleep as she had been. She was just drifting into the unpleasant world of her dreams when she heard a voice calling her, and she tried to move towards the sounds, but she couldn't. Once again the dreams began to beckon her, but this time as the voice began again she was able to use it as a lifeline and move closer to it. "What…? Where am I?" Rae thought that the voice had said that she was at Community General, but she knew that she must have still been dreaming, that couldn't be right.

"Rae, come on, Honey, you're at Community General, please, wake up." Alex took a firmer hold of her hand and hoped that his touch would help.

Rae felt the warmth of somebody's hand on hers, and realised that it was a pleasant sensation. Her world had been hard and cold for so long that it seemed to shake her into the waking world, and she opened her eyes properly and, as she got used to the light, to her delight she looked up into the faces of Alex and Texas. They saw the fear that replaced the happiness as Rae reacted to the sensation of something round her neck. She tried to move her hands up, but her face reflected the pain she felt and she made no further movements. "No, please, Alex, take it off, Take It Off!" Rae could feel the panic beginning to overwhelm her, and she couldn't get away from it. "Alex, help me, please."

"Shhh, Honey, don't say anythin' let us talk. Can you understand what I am sayin'?" Jo looked at her friend, and could see that she was struggling to keep calm.

"Texas, I can't..." Rae couldn't get any more words out. She tried to move to a little more comfortable position, but the wave of pain and the increased pressure on her throat stopped her.

Jo and Alex saw the pain as she tried to move, and then to their consternation her eyes filled with tears. "Rae, it's all right, you're safe here, for at least a week. I don't have any intention of sending you back to the jail infirmary until you are well on the mend."

"Where, send me where? Alex, where's Jesse?" Rae could feel the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, and she knew that if she did cry it would hurt, a lot, so she tried not to let them fall.

"Rae, you're in pain I know, so just listen and then I will give you something for it, ok?" Alex watched as she just looked at him, and then he continued. "I know what happened to you, because your friendly resident guard, who, I'm afraid, is outside the door, told me all about it."

"What? Alex I don't understand." Rae had to stop talking. She was so close to complete panic that she shut her eyes to try to stop the room from spinning. "Help me, I don't understand."

"Rae, what is the last thing you remember?" Alex was getting increasingly worried, and he knew that he would have to sedate Rae again any minute, because he could see that she was having trouble remaining in control of her emotions.

Rae took a moment to answer and they could see that she was trying very hard to get a grip on herself. "A house, I was in a house, tied up, I heard voices … I couldn't move, I had something round my neck…" Rae stopped talking for a moment and shut her eyes. She felt a hand on top of her own and she continued. "There was a flash, a bright flash… then nothing… I was here just now."

Alex saw Jo move away, tears shining in her eyes. He tightened his fingers round Rae's hand, and found that it was now he who had to control his emotions.

"Rae, I want you to listen to me, really listen…" He saw another reaction cross Rae's face, sudden realisation of something awful.

"Jesse, Alex, Jesse isn't here because he's dead… and my baby, what about my baby, can you save it? Oh, God, Jesse." Just as the last time Rae had remembered Jesse's death, the tears poured down her face, but this time she could do nothing to stop them, and Alex, fighting tears himself leant over and took her other hand in his so that he was holding tightly to both of them.

"Rae, listen to me. You have some memories missing, but Jesse isn't dead Honey, and the next time you wake up I will make sure he is here so you can see him, but for now you need to rest. I am going to give you something for the pain, as I said, and then I want you to go to sleep. In the morning we will re-assess everything."

"But it said in the paper … he … he showed it to me." Rae paused for a minute as the reality of what Alex had said sank in. "Really, he really isn't dead?"

"No, Rae, he is fine, and I will get him here for you, but you have to rest, let your body heal, ok?"

Rae tried again to move her head to get away from the pressure that was round it. "Please Alex can you take this off me, please? I can't bear it, I can't get away from it, it's like the scarf, please, take it away." Rae's breathing began to become erratic, and Alex took a hold of her shoulders, but the look of pain in her face made him let got.

"Rae, concentrate on your breathing, slowly, in and out, you know you can do it." Alex watched as gradually Rae began to breath steadily again. "I can't take it off, because you need it on. Rae, I wouldn't have put it there if it weren't really necessary, you know that.  You have damaged your neck, at the back; it will keep you still until I can assess the injury again in the morning like I just said. As soon as I can I will get rid of it, I promise, but that's the best I can do. Rae, you will be asleep, you won't know it's there, and when you wake up, somebody will be here to make sure you don't panic too much, ok?"

"I, I guess so." Rae looked up at her two friends, it seemed only a few minutes since she had been alone in a dark room, now they were with her, and telling her that Jesse was all right, when she thought he was dead, and that she wouldn't go back… somewhere, she couldn't remember what Alex had said. "Texas?"

"Yes, Honey?" Jo had been standing silently watching her friend struggle with her demons, not really knowing how to help her.

"Why are you in a nurse's outfit?" Rae swallowed, and felt the pressure once again. She shut her eyes briefly and then looked at her friend.

"So I could be here when you woke up. No, don't you worry yourself none about that, you just let Alex send you off to sleep." Jo leant over and kissed Rae gently on the cheek, and was relieved when she was rewarded with a very slight smile.

Once Alex had sedated Rae he and Jo left the room. He spoke briefly to the guard to let her know that her prisoner had woken up, and was now sedated, and would be kept that way until the morning. He didn't offer any more details, his mind was swimming with what he had just witnessed, and he needed to get it straight himself first. Officer Bryant just nodded, before suddenly thinking of something to say. "I'll be relieved in about an hour, Officer Worrell will be taking over. I'll be back twelve hours later. The fun never ends in this job."

"Officer Bryant, how do you feel about your prisoner?"

"How do I feel about her? I don't feel any way about her, she is awaiting trial, and I am working, end of story."

"Ok, I just wondered." Alex went to move away, but was stopped by Officer Bryant speaking up again.

"Why, because she's a cop? I don't like dirty cops, if they break the law then they deserve all they get behind bars."

"An' if they are innocent?" Jo couldn't help but join in.

"Then they'll get over it. Life will go on for them on the outside, and I will carry on working, I don't have a problem with that." The prison guard looked back down at her magazine and Jo and Alex knew that the conversation was over. 

Alex looked at Jo and shook his head. He headed off towards the elevator to go see Jesse, and then realised that Jo would have to stay there until he released her. "Ah, Nurse, I will need your assistance with my next patient, if you would follow me."

"Yes, Doctor." Jo looked a little worried as she stepped into the elevator, and Alex smiled.

"Relax, I'm going to see Jesse, and I thought you would want to come with me. We have a lot to tell him, and I would like you to help me out."

"Oh, that's ok then, I thought you meant it!" Jo let out a sigh of relief, but then her face grew serious again. "Alex, Rae will be all right with that guard won't she? She had a jail full of them an' ended up here."

"Yeah, I think so. She's worried about doing her job, so she won't let anything more happen to Rae, and you have to remember, there were an awful lot of prisoners around when Rae was attacked, they would have to weigh up the situation and the safety of others before wading into break up a fight, as she so obviously wanted to make clear, she was just doing her job."

The elevator pinged, and Jo and Alex got out and walked along the hallway towards Jesse's room. They could see him through the open door, and he seemed to be asleep. Alex knocked on the door and Jesse opened his eyes and looked towards the noise. "Oh, hi guys, come in … Jo, why are you wearing a nurse's uniform?"

"It's a long story, an' we have come to let you know about it. Jesse, Honey, it concerns Rae, she is in the hospital."

"What, where, can I go see her? Alex, you must let me see her."

"Ok, Jesse, just slow down here. Rae is asleep; I have just sedated her, so she won't even know you are there. I was going to tell you, slowly, but I will just fill you in on the details now." Alex looked over at Jo and saw that she was upset by what she had done.

"Sorry, Jess, guess I'm not cut out to be a nurse after all." Jo felt awful about the reaction her words had got from Jesse.

Gradually Alex told Jesse all that had happened to Rae. As he told his friend about the injuries she had received, he could see that he was getting anxious. He told him that Rae was in cervical traction, but he only said what he had told everybody else, that she had been kicked in the back of the head. He took a deep breath; he knew that Jesse's anxiety was about to get worse. "Jesse, Rae doesn't remember anything that has happened since she was left in Levington's basement after he was arrested. She thinks that she is here because she was rescued from there… She thought you were dead, Jess."

"Oh, God, Alex…" Jesse couldn't begin to process what Alex had just told him. "Nothing, nothing at all, why?"

"At the moment, off the top of my head, all I can think is that because she's had a serious head injury in the past this has caused her partial amnesia. Jess, you know that the brain is such a complex organ that we understand only a minute part of its functions."

"And she may never remember?" Jesse knew the answer, he didn't really need to see Alex nod silently, but as he did he felt his heart sink and he began to realise all that Rae had forgotten.

"Eliana, she won't know she has a baby, or that we are married, our house, or the fact that she was in jail. My God, Alex if that all comes back at once it could destroy her."

"Jesse, I know that, and Jo has been sitting with her, pretending to be a nurse, so that there was a friendly face there with her all the time. She shouldn't wake up again now until the morning, and we will both be there then, and so will you. I promised her that when she woke up you would be with her."

"Thank you, Alex, especially for getting Jo in to be with her, I don't think I would have thought of that, I really appreciate it, and I know Rae will too… one day, I hope.

"What did the x-ray show? You have her in cervical traction, and if she was kicked it could have caused a lot of damage to the muscles at the back of her neck." Jesse felt the doctor within him moving forward once again.

"Jesse, nobody else asked me that, I wish you hadn't either. The truth is…" Alex stopped talking for a moment. He had managed to keep the information to himself, but Jesse was more than a doctor, he was Rae's husband, and he deserved to know. "I think she has damage to the muscles at the back of her neck and possibly the vertebrae too. She seems to swell up so much when she is injured, that I couldn't be sure, but I have her in a neck brace and when I check her knees tomorrow I am going to take her for an MRI."

They talked for a little while longer, and then Alex checked his watch and was surprised to see that it was a little after six in the evening and his shift had ended an hour ago. "Jesse, I'm sorry, but I have to run, I have my date with the five nurses tonight. Much as I would rather spend the evening with you, I have to go."

"Hey, I don't want to stop you from being stud of the month, you go on, I'll be fine here, I will sleep and if I can't do that then I will think about what we learnt last night again. Jo, you go too, I'm sure Mark would be glad of your company, and I really am tired." He didn't add that he needed to come to terms with what he had just been told, but Alex and Jo knew that he would be thinking about that more than anything else.

"Ok, if you're sure, I'll come and see you in the mornin' you make sure you get that sleep now." Jo leant over and kissed him gently on the cheek, and then they hugged.

"Thank you, Jo, for helping Rae, thank you so much."

"Honey, it was my pleasure, I'm just glad I recognised the signs an' had Alex there when she started comin' round. Now, sleep, y'hear?"

"Mmm, yes, mom." Jesse winked at Jo, but she could see that he really was very tired and worried, and she guessed that if they had arrived five minutes later than they actually had to tell him about Rae, they would have found him fast asleep.

Alex made sure that his journey to the parking lot took in Rae's hallway and he just put his head round the door for a moment. She was lying perfectly still and, under the influence of the sedative, was for now at peace with herself and the world around her. The guard on the door was Officer Worrell and Alex introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Martin, I'm Mrs Travis's physician."

"So?"

Alex realised that he was getting mighty fed up with the antagonism that he was getting second hand through Rae. For a minute he was glad that she couldn't remember any of it, but he knew that if her memory did come back she would have trouble coping with the hostility that her position was creating for herself and her friends.

"So, I thought I would say hello, you know be friendly, introduce myself, so you knew who was going in and out of the room."

"Doctor…" the guard paused for a second "Martin, I don't care who goes and sees her, you can bring the whole nursing staff and set them up in lines around her bed, it makes no difference to me. I will do twelve hours and then go home, twelve hours later I will come back. It's a job, and she's a dirty cop, as long as she doesn't try to escape then you just do what you want. By the look of it she won't be escaping from anywhere for a long time."

Alex felt his anger rise, and he handed the guard the list of nurses who would be treating Rae, then he turned and walked away without another word. He didn't stop until he arrived at his car, he got in it and slammed the door so hard that the air freshener fell of the dashboard and smashed against the handbrake. "Oh, great, now I get to go out smelling of …" he picked up the cardboard container and read it. "Alpine Mist." Alex pulled out into the traffic and headed towards his apartment all the windows as wide open as he dared, determined to shake off his black mood and at least look like he was enjoying his evening. 

Jo had gone down to the cafeteria and got herself something to eat, and then before she headed for home herself she had decided to go and sit with Rae for a little while. The guard on the door looked up as Jo told her who she was, but didn't say a word. Jo shook her head and went into the room. Rae was lying completely still, which was to be expected, and Jo could see that the cervical traction device was pulled up and over the bed head. Alex had explained to her that it was only used when a patient was asleep, but that as Rae would be sedated most of the time, because of her fear of having things round her neck, she would be able to have it on for about a week before she needed to be fitted with something different.

Jo sat down and gently placed her hand over Rae's. It hadn't been until Jesse had begun to talk about what Rae couldn't remember that she had realised just how much had happened since Levington had been arrested. There had been a lot of traumatic times, there always was where Rae was concerned, but they had shared so many happy times too, and for Rae to have no memory of them was just awful.

It was just after eight before Alex arrived outside the nightclub. As he parked his car he could see the word Secrets lighting up the night sky. He got his ID and wallet out of his pocket and was about to go in when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned round to see one of the nurses standing there. He felt the colour leave his face as he realised he couldn't remember her name.

"Doctor Martin, the others are inside, but as you are paying for this evening, and there is an entrance fee, I thought I would wait and let you take care of me as well."

Alex sighed. "Ok, that's not a problem… Miss?"

"Louise, my name is Louise."

Alex looked over at the doorman, paid him and then he and Louise entered the nightclub. He looked around and saw four ladies sitting at a table over to the left side of the club and he and one fifth of his date headed over to them. As they got closer he could see the flowers he had ordered sitting on the table. He indicated to Louise to sit and then he pulled a chair up so that he was next to Shannon. Ladies, I'm sorry that you had to pay to get in here tonight; I hope that the flowers will make up for it."

He saw Louise looking across the table at him, and he could see that she looked a little embarrassed, but he knew that it was her own fault, and if he was honest he just didn't like the girl. He was annoyed that she had spoilt the surprise and would now get the flowers and not have to pay her entrance fee, but he knew that he couldn't say anything about it. The music began to play and he looked at his companions. "Would one of you ladies like to dance?" He felt his heart sink as Louise stood up. 

"We drew lots, I'm first." She moved over to stand next to Alex and held her hand out to him. He took it and they went out on to the dance floor together. With his back to the rest of the ladies, he didn't see the looks that passed between them; they were a cross between disgust and pity.

As they moved on to the dance floor Louise looked at the handsome young man next to her. "I guess I owe you an apology, huh? About the entrance fee I mean."

"It doesn't matter, but your friends may need an explanation. Did they know why you were waiting outside?" Alex saw the nurse nod her head, and then he decided that dancing would be better than talking, and so he didn't reply.

It was five minutes before Alex and Louise rejoined the group, and he seriously needed a drink. He indicated for a waiter, and was glad that this was the type of club where he didn't have to go get the drinks himself.

"Yes, Sir?"

"We would like some drinks, ladies?" It was no surprise to him when Louise went to speak first and he cut in determined to stay in charge of the situation. "Shannon, what would you like?"

"Um, would it be too much to suggest a bottle of champagne between us?" Shannon looked round and saw her friends nod their agreement.

"No, that's fine." Alex looked back at the waiter. "I don't think I can afford Dom Perignon, but something nice." Alex looked up and hoped that he would be able to eat for the rest of the month.

"Ooh, lovely, champagne and flowers, I knew that this was going to be a great evening." 

Alex smiled, "Thank you… Katie?"

"Yep, that's me. I guess we should be wearing name tags."

Alex watched as the waiter headed back towards the bar and then he turned back to his companions. "Shannon, would you like to dance?"

"Yes please, that would be lovely." She stood up, and Alex could see that she was wearing a midnight blue evening dress, perfectly straight and plain, except it was covered with tiny glittering sequins, which sparkled as she walked. Her long black hair was no longer kept up in a braid and hung in shiny bouncy curls down her back with the sides held up in a diamante clip.

As they walked out onto the dance floor the music slowed right down, and feeling a little embarrassed Alex took her into his arms. They had been dancing together for about a minute when Shannon began to talk. "Doctor Martin, I'm so sorry about Louise, we... well, we hadn't planned for her to be one of the five, but she kinda elbowed her way in."

Alex was no longer feeling embarrassed by the closeness of his dance partner, and he smiled as she spoke. "Alex, please, and I must admit, she doesn't seem to fit in with your group."

"I don't think she fits in with any group… Sorry, I don't like to sound nasty, I guess she's lonely, and I don't think that she does this type of thing very often, she doesn't seem to know how to behave in a group."

Alex moved his arms slightly and Shannon found herself a little closer to him. She smiled; it was a place she hoped she would be again real soon.

The music ended a couple of minutes later, and they made their way back to the group. As they sat down the waiter brought the champagne over in an ice bucket and handed the bill to Alex. He looked at it with trepidation, but found that it wasn't as bad as he had feared. "Excuse me a moment." Alex stood up and moved away from the table. He didn't want his companions see him pay, somehow it didn't seem right.

"There you go, you can keep the change." Alex handed over the bills and smiled at the young man in front of him.

"Thank you, Sir."

As the evening progressed the conversation around the table began to flow, and Alex found to his surprise that he was enjoying himself. He could see that Louise was indeed an outsider and he tried many times to bring her into the conversation, but she didn't seem to be able to join in for very long before descending back into silence. He danced with all of the nurses, twice each at least, and then he checked his watch and was surprised to see that it was after midnight.

"Ladies, I'm real sorry, but I have an early shift tomorrow, so I will have to be going in a little while." He took a deep breath, and hoping that he wouldn't be rebuffed, and that he wouldn't embarrass her he looked over at Shannon. "Do you think we could have one last dance?"

"That would be lovely."

"Do you want to sort out about taxis? I'll pay for them, but maybe you could share?" Alex smiled. It hadn't been too expensive, but he had no idea where the nurses all lived, and he knew he could blow a week's money just on their journeys home.

The music was slow again as they reached the dance floor, by this time in the evening most of the music was that way. This time as Alex took Shannon into his arms, he felt no embarrassment at all, and they danced close to each other without saying anything for the whole of the song, and as the music died away, Alex felt for Shannon's hand and they walked back to the table together.

Katie and Mary already had their coats on, and Louise and Nadine were just being handed theirs. "We've ordered cabs, Louise and Katie live in the same part of town, and Mary and I aren't that far apart, Shannon what about you, which cab will go closest to your place?" Nadine looked over at her friend, and could tell that at least one of them had been a hit with their date.

"Oh, that's ok, I go right past where Shannon lives, and I can take her myself." Alex tried not to blush as he spoke, and hoped that what he said was true, because he really did have an early start. Alex was reassured as he felt her squeeze his hand slightly.

"Thank you." Shannon smiled shyly at her companion, delighted at what he had just said.

The waiter came back over and spoke quietly to Alex. The five ladies saw him hand over some more money and then turn to them. "The two cabs are waiting outside. I guess I'll see you at the hospital tomorrow. Thank you for a great evening, I've really enjoyed myself, I hope you have too."

"Oh we have, some of us more than others." It was Katie who spoke, and she smiled across at Shannon as she did so. "Thank you Alex, it was fun wasn't it? Maybe we can do it again, but next time we can all pay, and bring our boyfriends along."

Alex felt his heart sink, he hadn't thought about them having boyfriends, well not Shannon anyway. Mary came over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, we all knew you would treat us to a wonderful night, and we were right." She and Nadine headed over towards the exit, Nadine hugging Alex as she moved past; they disappeared from sight waving over their shoulders as they went. 

Katie moved over and kissed Alex as well, "It was just fabulous, thank you, Alex, and I would love to do it again." Katie turned to Louise, "Come on then, Lou, let's go, you have an early shift tomorrow too, don't you?"

"Yeah, goodnight, see you on the wards." Louise did the buttons up on her coat as she moved over and joined Katie, and then they too disappeared out into the night.

Alex sat back down, and pulled Shannon down onto the seat beside him. "Did you have a nice time?" Suddenly it was important that she above all the others had enjoyed herself.

"Oh, yeah, it was great. Thank you Alex, I hope you weren't too bored."

"Hey, you were here, how could I be bored. Oh, sorry maybe I shouldn't have said that." Alex could see she was shocked at his words.

"No, that's ok, I'm glad you feel like that, but I guess we had better be going hadn't we?"

"Well, maybe we could have just one more dance first?" Alex saw Shannon smile, and he pulled her to her feet and then went back out to join the other couples on the dance floor. This time they didn't come back after the song finished, they stayed for another three dances before Alex realised that it was almost one in the morning and he really needed to get home. "Shannon, I really have to go, I guess you had better let me know where I am dropping you first hadn't I?"

"Ok, I start at lunch time, so I need to get home too, beside my Mom will be waiting up for me. I live just the other side of Venice Beach… what?" Shannon could see Alex smiling at her.

"Then I really do live in the same direction as you. Madam, your carriage awaits." Alex took Shannon's arm and they headed over to get her coat, then they walked in companionable silence out to his car. He opened the door and Shannon sat in the passenger seat and then he went round, got in and started the engine.

"Wow, you really like pine don't you?" 

Alex could see that she had opened her window a little, and he had to smile. "Yeah, sorry, I broke the air freshener when I got in the car at the hospital today. This is way better than it was then."

"Well it is still making my eyes water… Alex, I'm gonna have to take them out, I'm sorry, can you just hold on a minute?"

"Your eyes?" Alex wasn't sure, but he thought that was what she had said.

"Yeah, my eyes, I wear contacts."

"Oh, right, no problem." Alex cut the engine, and turned on the light, he watched as she took 'her eyes' out and then he started the engine again and joined the light late night traffic. The next time he looked over at her Shannon was wearing a pair of small, metal-rimmed glasses. "Hey, you look really different with your glasses on."

"I know, terrible aren't they?" Shannon grimaced, she hated wearing them, and she just knew that Alex wouldn't like them either, oh well; it had been fun while it lasted.

"I think they look good on you." He smiled, and then turning his concentration back to the road didn't see the relieved smile that crossed her face.

They drew up twenty minutes later outside a small neat house about ten minutes from Alex's own apartment. He could see a light on in one of the downstairs rooms, and was glad that Shannon had someone who cared enough to wait up for her. He turned and began to speak.

"Shannon, I've had a great time, I would like to do it again, just you and me, but Katie said you all have boyfriends, so I guess that isn't possible."

"No, Katie said we could do it again with our boyfriends. She and Nadine are both in steady relationships, and Mary has had an on off friendship with a guy named Dan for about two years, Louise is still getting over some kooky guy she used to date, but me, I'm footloose and fancy free, and I would just love to go out with you again." 

Alex felt his heart soar this time, as he listened to her words, and he got out of the car to go and open her door with a huge grin on his face. Shannon got out of her seat with an equally broad grin, and looked up at Alex. He was just a little bit taller than she was with her high heels on. She saw him move in a little closer, and then closed her eyes as she felt his lips on hers.

"Mmm, how about tomorrow night? I am meeting up with some friends, because we are trying to help another friend who is in trouble, but I can get away about nine, maybe we could meet up then?"

"Ok, where do you want to meet?" Shannon was delighted that he wanted to go out with her again so soon.

"I'll be in Beverley Hills, so I'll leave and come pick you up."

"I could get a cab over and then we could go somewhere from there, what do you say?"

"I'll check with Jo, that's whose house it is, and I'll let you know tomorrow."

"That will be fine." Shannon had the flowers in one hand but she took hold of Alex's hand with the other and together they walked up the path to her front door. As they got there, Shannon took a deep breath and gently pulled him back down towards her and this time she began to kiss him. They both froze as the front door opened, and Alex pulled hastily away and looked straight into the face of a slightly older version of Shannon.

"Hi, I'm Debbie, Shannon's mom. Thank you for bringing her home, at least I presume you're the young man she went with, otherwise she has gotten to know the cab driver real quick."

"Mom!" Shannon felt herself turning red, and glared at her mother.

"Hi, yes, I'm Alex Martin, and it was no trouble bringing your daughter home, no trouble at all." Alex held his hand out to Shannon's mom and was relieved when she shook it gently and let it fall. Debbie smiled at him and then turned back towards her daughter. "I guess I'm in the way then, aren't I?" with a smile she took Shannon's flowers from her went back into the house and closed the door.

"Moms, who'd have them? I'm still getting used to her being around. She didn't want to be a bother, but I knew she was lonely after my dad died, and so I came home. I guess I'm a bit old to be living with Mom, but for a while I think she needs me." Shannon wasn't sure why she felt she needed to explain, except maybe that she really liked the young man in front of her, and wanted him to know a little more about her.

"Hey, it's not a problem, and believe me it's not as rare as you think." Alex thought about Steve and Mark. "I have a friend who shares a house with his dad, and … well he is way older than we are."

She smiled then and took his hand. "Alex, I had a great time, thank you again."

"Hey, I had a great time, too, and now we have tomorrow to look forward to." Alex moved in to kiss her again, once he had checked that he couldn't see Debbie anywhere. It was ten minutes before he walked back down the path to his car, and the smile on his face stayed with him all the way back to his apartment block.


	20. 20 Seeds of Doubt

**Seeds of Doubt**

Alex kept Rae sedated for almost all of Saturday, in fact he wished he were sedated himself. He was absolutely exhausted when he arrived for his shift at seven in the morning, and didn't feel even vaguely human until lunchtime.

It was just after four in the afternoon when Jesse looked up and saw Alex coming into his room. He had been up, dressed and reading for over an hour and was bored to tears. "Jess, I'm sorry that I haven't been into see you today, how are you feeling?"

"Better, I think I've gotten used to the fact that Rae is going to have problems again, and won't remember some of the most wonderful times of our lives. Alex I just want to go home, see my daughter and try to get some sort of life sorted out for when Rae can come home." Jesse looked up hopefully at his friend.

"Jesse, I'm prepared to release you, as long as you don't come back to work for a few more days. Monday at the earliest, no OR duty, and just paperwork for the first week and you do short shifts, maybe six hours at the most."

"Alex, I'll agree to anything if it means I can get back to Eliana, and try to get things back to how they used to be."

"I don't know that they ever will be like they used to be, and you have to remember Rae is still awaiting trial, but we will all help as much as we can to get the three of you back together, you know that." Alex smiled at Jesse, it seemed strange that it was he giving out all the advice, but he knew that Jesse would take it as it was meant. "Now, I was just paged to say that Rae was beginning to come round, and I thought you might like to come in with me. You'll need to be Doctor Travis, but just don't mention your name, ok? I'm not sure whether you would be allowed to see Rae, and I didn't want to check with the guard just in case she said no."

The two doctors walked down the hallway together, and as they did so they could hear Rae calling out. Officer Bryant was actually on her feet and looking in through the door, but she hadn't gone in to see if she could be of assistance. They ran the rest of the way, and squeezed past the guard to get to her as quickly as they could.

"Help me, please, somebody help me." Rae could feel the tightness around her throat and the panic began to overwhelm her. She tried to move her arms, but the pain that radiated up from her shoulders towards her neck was so bad that she had to stop. She wanted to open her eyes, but she knew that she would see him staring at her, and she couldn't cope with that right now.

"Rae, Honey, it's Jesse, it's all right, you're safe now." Forgetting all that Alex had told him Jesse took her hand in his and began to run his fingers over it gently. He could see that she wasn't responding to his voice, and he hoped that the actions would help. "Rae, come on, it's all over, and you are safe, really safe."

"Jesse?" This time Rae did open her eyes, and she saw the smiling but worried face of the man she loved looking at her. "Jesse, oh, God, he told me you were dead, oh, Jess, I love you so much."

Jesse was about to say something when he heard the door being flung open, and he turned to see Officer Bryant standing there.

"Hey, she isn't to have any visitors, she hasn't been cleared for anybody to see her at the jail, and the same rules apply while she is in here."

"I'm a doctor at this hospital and I've every right to be in here." Jesse stared at the woman standing in front of him.

"You are this woman's husband, you can't be her doctor, and so you have no right to be in here. Now scram, before I call security and have you removed."

Alex looked over to where Rae was lying and he could see her listening to every word that was being said.

"I think that you should continue your conversation outside. I am entitled to be in here, and I need to see my patient." Alex just stood there, he wasn't going to take no for an answer from the guard, but he knew that she was right, and Jesse shouldn't really be there. "Jesse, Rae is getting upset, please just go back to your room, I will come see you in a little while, ok?"

Jesse just nodded and left the room without another word. He had to force his feet to take him away from Rae, but he knew that he would only make matters worse if he stayed. He turned back for one last look at her room, and saw the guard come back out and sit in her regular place. Jesse sighed; at least Rae wouldn't have her in there while Alex tried to explain the information she had just heard.

Rae was lying staring up at the ceiling, trying to take in what had happened. There had been a guard, a prison guard, who said she had no rights in jail, and then she had called Jesse her husband. She couldn't see what was going on in the room; because she couldn't move her head, and she had to battle the whole time to get past the fact that she had something around her neck, which was attached to the wall behind her, or at least she imagined it was attached to the wall. She thought about the guard again, and what she had said about jail, maybe she had killed him, and couldn't remember.

"Rae, Honey, I need to talk to you. Do you know where you are?" Alex began to speak before he got too close to Rae so that she knew he was coming.

"I think I need to talk to you too. I thought I was in that house, but I'm not am I? And, and that woman said Jesse was my husband… Is that what you meant by me having memories missing? How could I forget I'm married to Jesse? It's almost as bad as me forgetting I had children. Alex did I kill him, is that why I have a guard, is he dead?"

Alex felt his heart fall, and he saw Officer Bryant stand up and step inside the room. It appeared that she could hear Rae at the most inopportune moments. He knew that he had to answer Rae, but he was dreading what he might hear. "Who, Rae, who do you mean?"

Rae took a deep breath, and the pain shot through her injured ribs, "Arghhh," Alex could see the agony etched on her face and he moved over and took her hand. 

"Rae? Be careful, you have cracked ribs. Who do you mean?"

"Levington, is he dead, did I kill him? She's a prison guard, that woman outside my door, if I did, I didn't mean to, not even after what he did to me. I guess I am in here because of how he hurt me, but kill him, Alex, I just couldn't."

Alex felt himself relax and he shot a triumphant glance at the disappointed guard. "No, you didn't, you injured your neck and your ribs, but you didn't kill him."

"Oh, thank God."  Rae could feel her emotions beginning to well up, and was aware that the strongest one was still fear. "Alex, I am just so scared by what is happening to me, nobody is with me, sometimes I wake up and the room is empty, I call out and nobody answers, but Jesse isn't allowed to be here, I don't understand that." Rae stopped talking, she just couldn't say anymore.

"Ok, now Rae, I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say. You are gonna find it hard over the next few days, weeks, months, I don't know how long, as maybe your memories come back, but I will make sure that your buzzer is under your hand, as soon as you wake up you press it and I will come. I wasn't told you had been waking up, I thought I was here every time that happened. I'm sorry."

"That's ok, Alex can you take this off my neck, please, you don't know how close I am to just losing it because of what I can feel." Alex could hear the panic in her voice as she spoke to him.

"What you are wearing is called a cervical traction device, and it is designed to help people with neck injuries while they are asleep. I know what you had round your neck before, and what it was used for, but this is helping you. Sometimes you can have good things round your neck and this is one of those times. You just need to focus on the fact that it is an aide to recovery, can you do that?"

"I don't know, but I will try." Rae shut her eyes for a moment, and tried to feel positive about what she could feel, but she couldn't shift the terror that it seemed was always waiting to overwhelm her.

"You need to have some more tests done, but I don't think I will do them today, I was planning to, but maybe tomorrow will be better. I am just going to examine you, and then I'll tell you my decision, is that all right?"

"Of course, you know I trust you Alex, I always have."

Alex checked on Rae's ribs, and could see that they were beginning to heal nicely. The fact that, apart from just now, she hadn't moved since she had been brought in was definitely helping them along. Her knees were still very swollen, and Alex could see that the bruising on them was really coming out now. Alex pressed the call button and waited for a duty nurse to come into the room. Once she had arrived he moved on to her neck and he saw her take a deep breath and then react once again to the pain as he began to place his hand on her traction unit. "Honey, it's ok, I am going to take it off for a few minutes, but it will have to go back on, I'm sorry."

Rae wanted to just nod, but knew she couldn't. "Ok." She took a deep breath and waited to feel Alex's fingers on her skin. Very slowly she felt his hands brush over the back of her neck and then the pressure was released. This time she couldn't contain her feelings and the tears ran down her cheek. "Oh, God, Alex, thank you."

"Shhh, it's ok, I am so sorry about this, but we have to touch you, it will be round the back of your neck, I will try not to touch the front." The nurse was already supporting Rae's head and neck and gently Alex began his examination, he could feel that the area was still swollen, and by Rae's reaction it was extremely tender. He took a mirror from his pocket and slid it underneath so he could see the skin, and had to stop himself from gasping as he saw the obvious signs of a boot shaped bruise, not once but twice. He felt his senses go on to overload as he realised that once again, Rae was lucky to be alive.

"Doctor Martin, are you all right?" The nurse's concerned voice cut through his fog and he shook his head to clear it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Rae, I'll put the collar back on, and then I need to speak with you." He felt her tense up as he spoke, and so before he began he brushed the hair off her face, and waited for a moment. Alex saw her move her eyes so that she could see him. "If you promise not to move, at all, I will leave it unfastened while we talk, then when I do it back up, I will sedate you, and you won't know it's there for a while."

"Thank you." Rae felt her whole body relax, and she shut her eyes for a moment as the relief washed over her. Between them Alex and the nurse put Rae's neck back in the brace so that it was undone but in the correct place to give her some support.

Alex and Rae talked for just over a half hour, but it was clear that she didn't remember anything more. In the end he told her that she needed to let the memories come back in their own time, he didn't want to tell her things and make false memories instead of real ones. Rae seemed to accept this, although Alex thought that part of the reason was she just couldn't process the things he was saying and it was the easiest thing to do. Finally he did up the collar, sedated her once again, and sat with her as she drifted back off to sleep. He then went out to speak to the guard.

"Officer Bryant, I need to speak to you, and I will be talking to your superiors as well.

Now, yesterday I told you that Mrs Travis had a severe memory loss as well as some serious injuries. I also told you that it would be very traumatic for her to get her memories back all at once. So what do you do? You come in, tell her that she should be in jail, and that she is married to someone that she thought was dead. Well that was real caring of you. I have also found out that she is sometimes waking up alone, which as she can't look round to see where she is, has been extremely frightening for her. She may be a prisoner, but that doesn't deny her the right to proper medical attention. If she wakes up again, you call me." Alex decided not to tell the guard that Rae would be calling him too. It would be interesting to see if she had actually listened to a word he had just said.

"Doctor Martin, I am here to make sure that my prisoner is not given the run of the hospital, doesn't escape, doesn't see anybody she isn't supposed to see, and is kept safe until she can stand trial. Maybe you should tell her everything that has gone on, so that she knows what will be happening in about five weeks time. If you aren't man enough to do it, you only have to ask and I will be delighted to reacquaint her with her life."

"Yeah, I'll just bet you will." Alex couldn't remember having ever been so angry. "Mrs Travis is now sedated once again, and she will remain that way until the morning. I had planned to x-ray her today, but she isn't ready for that yet. Tomorrow morning I will take care of it, until then she will remain asleep, to help her heal. You have your list of those people who are allowed in the room, I hope you will be as vigilant with them, as you were with Doctor Travis."

With that Alex turned and walked away down the hallway. He realised that by the time he had finished speaking to the guard he had been shouting, and as he looked down at his hands they were actually shaking. He thumped the call button by the elevator and waited for it to arrive. The doors opened, and Alex was delighted to see Shannon standing inside it.

"Alex? Are you all right?" Shannon could see that he was almost seething with anger. She wished that it were just her in the lift, but unfortunately Louise had run and caught the doors before it closed on the floor above.

"Yeah, I'm having a bad day is all, but seeing you has improved it no end." He moved over towards her, and then saw Louise standing almost hidden behind her. "Oh, hi, Louise."

"Doctor Martin." She looked at him from under her lashes, and with a flash of disgust Alex realised that she was actually flirting with him. "I had a lovely time last night, I hope we can do it again. I know that Katie said we would go in pairs, maybe you and I?" She stopped talking, and Alex realised that his day was getting worse and worse. 

The elevator pinged and the doors opened, and Alex looked on in horror as Shannon got out. As she passed she touched his hand fleetingly, and then she was gone. 

Louise moved closer to him, and smiled again. "So, what do you think?"

"Sorry, what do I think about what?" Alex realised belatedly that he was expected to answer.

"About you and I going together the next time we all meet up." 

"No, Louise, I'm sorry, I asked Shannon out." Alex was still very angry, and spoke more abruptly than he normally did. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he needed this to stop, right now.

"Oh, I see." Louise's tone of voice changed and was suddenly hard and cold.

The elevator stopped once again, and without looking to see where he was, Alex just walked out of it, and without a backwards glance headed to the stairwell, to take him where he really needed to go.

By seven on that Saturday night everybody who was able, was back at Jo's house. Steve had taken over some files for his dad to read through, but he had seemed to be having a reaction to his injury and had spent most of the day asleep. Steve had been very worried about it, but he had spoken to Jesse, and he had told him that he wasn't at all surprised, and that sleep would be one of the best things for him. 

Tony had been into the hospital to see Rae, Officer Worrell had been on duty and spoken to him, and once he had told her that he was only over for a few days on business she had let him sit with Rae for a while. Although she had been sedated for the whole of his visit, he had been heartened to see that she was able to breath on her own, even though the other injuries she had worried him immensely.

Although they were all there to talk about how they could prove Rae's innocence it was her current condition that concerned them most as they all met up in Jo's living room once again.

"Why would it be that she can remember things up until she was with that man, and then nothing? I don't understand why she is unable to remember all the good things that happened, but can remember the bad things." Tony looked confused and upset.

"I'm not sure, but I do know that being with Levington was such a traumatic time for Rae, and I think that maybe the cervical traction device has joined in her mind with the scarf she had round her neck and forged a link, but it's just guess work really, nobody understands the workings of the brain well enough to be able to say for certain why things happen." Alex stopped talking. He was almost sure that what he was saying was true, but he couldn't be positive. He had gone and seen her before he had finished for the day, and she had been fast asleep. Doctor Collins had promised to attend to her if she did wake up over night, and so Alex had come away feeling confident that he had done all he could for her until the morning.

"So she doesn't know that he is dead does she? I can't believe that she can remember all the terrible things that he did to her, but the fact that he is gone an' can't hurt her anymore is unknown to her." Jo shook her head as she spoke. Of all the traumatic things that had happened to Rae, seeing her greatest enemy killed in front of her had affected her the least.

Alex took a deep breath and began to speak again. "She thought that the guard was on her door because she had killed Levington. She asked me if he was dead, but I managed to avoid the question, but I did tell her that she hadn't killed him. She thought that she was in the hospital because he had hurt her and the guard was there because she had killed him. She said that she couldn't have killed anybody, not even him."

"She hates the idea of killing anybody or anything. I have been with her when she has had to kill somebody in the line of duty, twice, and I know that both times she has been physically sick." Steve looked over at Alex. 

"Yeah, I know, I was with her the first time too." Alex recalled the day when Rae had realised that she had shot somebody. "I thought she was gonna pass out, and she was sick…"

"And she was so upset by the whole thing that she didn't follow proper procedure, and almost got an ass chewing from Chief Masters." Jesse remembered that as well. He had taken her home that night, and had been surprised at her vulnerability.

"So everything that has happened since we found her in Levington's basement doesn't exist to Rae, have the memories disappeared, or are they locked away somewhere? Could they come back to her?" It was Martin who spoke, and he found that he really wanted to know the answer to the question he had just asked. The thought of her missing all the good times from the past year or so made him feel incredibly sad.

"They could, last time, when she was attacked by Donovan she remembered almost everything in the end. She could even see his face as he came at her with the weapon in his hand. But now she's been injured again, and a foot coming in with venom can cause just as much damage, if not more than the piece of wood that was used the first time." Jesse looked around at his friends as he spoke. "And don't forget she was knocked out in between times when Jo was taken. You know once somebody has had a concussion they are four times more likely to get another one, I guess she is keeping her figures up!" Jesse tried a smile, but none of them really felt like smiling or joking.

Michael came in at that moment with the coffee and some homemade cookies. "Excuse me, Madam, but Doctor Sloan is on the telephone, he asked to speak with you."

Jo stood up, and went out into the hallway. There must be a reason why Michael hadn't brought the phone in to her, and so she moved as far away from the living room as she could.

"Jo, Honey?"

"Mark, are you all right?" Jo could hear the anxiety in her voice as she began to speak.

"Yes, I'm fine, but I want you to do me a favour, but I don't want to get anybody's hopes up. Jesse came in and told me that he had been discharged and was going home. Could you go over there and see if you can find a photo of Rae from the side. There must be one in the wedding pictures, people were snapping away at all angles for most of the day. If you find one can you bring it in to me in the morning?"

"Yeah, of course, have you seen somethin' that we haven't?"

"I don't know, there is something about the picture of the murderer that looks like Rae… Hold on Jo, let me finish." Mark heard her gasp as he spoke. "There is something about the picture of the murderer that looks like Rae, but, there is also something that tells me it isn't her, I just don't know what that is yet."

"Ok, I'll go over tomorrow. I was plannin' on doing that anyway, although Alex has said he can come home, I didn't want to leave him on his own for too long. Mark, I have to get back to the others, but I will see you in the mornin'."

"Good night, Sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, sleep well." Jo put the phone back down and her mind full of what Mark had just said, she walked back into the living room.

Steve was standing in the doorway and he took her in his arms as she stopped in front of him. "Honey, are you all right, where did you go?"

"I'm sorry, Michael didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Come in, an' I will." Jo led Steve by the hand and they sat down at the table where, once again, all the information was laid out. "That was Mark on the phone, an' he was askin' me a favour."

"What, has he found something?" Jesse's voice was eager and full of enthusiasm. He was holding his daughter and she was drinking down her nighttime bottle. This time the look of adoration was especially for her daddy, and she looked happy and secure in his arms.

"Yeah, I think so, although he wouldn't tell me what it was. He wants a picture of Rae taken from the side, he suggested we go through your weddin' pictures an' see if we could find one. Lord knows the world an' his wife was takin' snapshots that day!"

"I'll be home tomorrow, you can come over and we can do it together." Jesse began to feel his positive nature surge back to the surface, he knew that Mark would find something to save his Rae; he just knew it.

For a while the room was quiet as the eight people in it read through statements, looked at photos and compared notes. Alex had spoken to Jo and Shannon was coming over to join them just before nine, and he checked his watch to see what the time was. As he did so he was frightened out of his life as Jo slammed her hand down on the table.

"That's it! I knew there was something missin' on the photo of the murderer. Alex you are a genius."

"Well, my mom would agree with you, but I have no idea what you are talking about. Jo, what did I do?"

"You looked at your watch. Where is it?" Jo began scrabbling through the photos that were on the table, and with a whoop of glee she picked up two of them.

"Look, look, there's Rae, crouched down an' you can see she is wearin' her silver bangle, the one with the blue stone in it, an' her watch, which sort of matches it. I have never ever seen her without them on, except when she is in the hospital. Now, look at this one. This is the picture of the murder actually happenin' an'… There Is No Watch Or Bangle!" Jo paused for a moment, as she looked at all the faces staring at her. "She would have been wearin' them. She wore them on her weddin' day, so there is no way she would have taken them off, not just to go see Brian, that is not her in the picture." Jo felt her eyes fill with tears; she knew that she had found something that could begin to sow the seeds of doubt in the minds of the judge and jury. Now they had to find what Mark needed and work from there. 

Amanda watched Jo struggle with her emotions, and she saw everybody else begin to smile as they realised what Jo had just said, and she knew that she may be about to be the bad guy. "Ah, I hate to burst your bubble, so to speak, but I have a problem with one part of this."

"What, Amanda?" Steve smiled at her; he could see she was worried. "What have you thought of?"

"When your brake lines were cut, you were at Rae's house, which is in a gated community, nobody can get in or out without a note being taken of the date and time, well, I have just checked the records for that day, and Rae came in just before you did. You also said that she went outside and was looking at your car just before you left, I don't see how anybody else could have tampered with it. She had no other visitors that day, and according to the security logs, none of her neighbours had anybody call at the vital time either."

"Wait a minute Amanda, what did you say about Rae coming in just before I did?" Jo looked across, she knew that what Amanda was saying was wrong.

"Look, this is the log for the day that you had your accident."

"What accident?" Tony looked confused, he must have missed some papers somewhere.

"Jo ended up in the hospital a little while ago, her brake lines were cut, and she crashed her car. The car was parked outside Rae and Jesse's house, when it was vandalised." Steve's voice was tight and hard, if he shut his eyes he knew he would be able to see Jo's car in the police impound yard, a complete write off.

"This isn't right." Jo was checking down the entries for the day they were talking about. "When I got to the house Rae came an' opened the door an' took me into the living room, she didn't want me to be there because she was worried something would happen to me. She showed me a list of things that she had written, she was tryin' to find ways to make her life safer so that Jesse an' Eliana wouldn't be hurt, and they could come back an' live with her again. She said that she had been writin' all mornin', an' she was frightened to take Eliana out into the street and sometimes she was frightened to go out there herself."

"I still don't see what you are getting at." Martin looked over at Jo and saw her exchange a glance with Steve, and he knew that the Lieutenant knew exactly what his fiancée meant.

"So, what you are saying is that the records are wrong, Rae had been in the house all morning, but the log says she came in just before you did. Is there a record of her going out, so that she could come back in?" Steve could feel his heart beating louder and faster; he knew that they were getting somewhere now.

Amanda ran a finger down the page once again, and Steve could see the light as it reflected off the deep gold nail polish she had on. "No, she just comes in. I thought they logged everything, and there is only one entrance and exit at Rae's place, you have to come and go past the one guard that's right isn't it? It's ages since I have been there."

"But how could the records say that she came in, especially in her car, which stands out a mile, if she didn't?" Alex looked puzzled, he had a feeling he was missing something somewhere, but he didn't want to make a fool of himself.

"No, look, you see this." Jesse leant over and pointed to the same line the Amanda had her finger on. "That little squiggle, that means that the person came in on foot."

"So what do you do, wave at the guard and he opens those big gates for you? I hate to say it, but Rae is as well known as her car." It was Martin who spoke up this time, he had only been to Rae's house a couple of times, and he had always arrived in the car.

"No, you just use one of these." Jesse fumbled about in his pants pocket, careful not to disturb his daughter as he did so, and brought his wallet out. He opened it up and took out a smart card, and promptly dropped it when Steve clapped his hands together.

"Bob's she left it at Bob's."

"What?" Jesse's voice came out a little muffled as he lent down to pick up his card.

"The day that Rae had her panic attack, when we got back to the gates into your place, I asked Rae for her card so she could show the guard, and she realised that she had left her purse at Bob's. As far as I know she never got it back, somebody could have taken it that night. There were a few people in the restaurant who were known to Rae, if they had the card, they could get into the community, and on the computer it would register as Rae coming in."

"No, that wouldn't work, Martin is right, Rae never has to introduce herself, people know who she is, an' the guard would definitely know if there was somebody else using her card." Jo felt her heart sink perhaps they weren't getting anywhere after all.

"When I went to see Rae one day I waited for a while before the guard even realised I was there, and I was in a car, so they aren't always as vigilant as they should be, and maybe somebody wore a hat, or something." Alex remembered the lazy guard, and hoped he would be of help.

"It had been rainin' that was why I couldn't control my car, the person could have had an umbrella, or a hat, or, or, a hood up, that would cover the face, we know the attacker has to be small, because people are thinkin' it is Rae when it isn't… It had been rainin'" Jo repeated herself as she realised something else. "An' she didn't look wet, she didn't look like she had been any place but home..." Jo breathed a sigh of relief; they were back on track again.

"And then whoever it was could wait inside to attack Rae, or me, or whoever, and maybe they saw Jo's car, realised they had a good chance to hurt another of Rae's friends, and they tampered with the brakes… Martin is this enough to get you and Cheryl to have another look at the evidence you have against Rae?" Jesse looked over at the young detective, could see that he was smiling, and knew the answer before he spoke.

"Yes, it casts a doubt, and up until tonight, there was no doubt, except in the minds of all of us."

Just as Martin finished speaking they heard the doorbell, and Michael got up and went out into the hallway. They all listened, and a moment later his voice could be heard floating back towards them. "Certainly, Madam, if you would like to follow me… Excuse me, Doctor Martin, Sir, there is a young lady here to see you."

"Good grief is it that time already, thank you Michael, I'll be straight out." Alex stood up, I won't be a moment." He moved out in the same direction as Michael, and a few moments later reappeared with an extremely nervous looking young lady on his arm. "Guys, this is Shannon… Shannon, these are my friends, this is Jo Walters, this wonderful house is hers, that's her fiancé Lieutenant Steve Sloan, he's Doctor Sloan's son, that's Detective Martin Robertson, Doctor Amanda Bentley, Tony Yeager, who's Rae Yeager's ex husband, and this is Doctor Jesse Travis, who is now Rae's husband, and that little one is Jesse's daughter, I'm her godfather." Alex stopped talking, he was extremely fond and very proud of all his friends, but he suddenly felt embarrassed by all the titles he had to use.

Jo stood up and walked over to where Alex and Shannon were standing. "Honey, I'm sure you won't remember all that, but we are mighty pleased to meet you. Just call us all by our first names an' forget the rest, that's Tony, Steve, Amanda, Jesse an' Martin. Michael you met when he got the door, Alex you know, the baby is called Eliana, an' I'm Jo. If you are a friend of Alex's you will get used to seein' us around the place."

"What a beautiful name for a baby." Shannon smiled over at the little girl, who had long since finished her bottle, and was sitting happily in her daddy's lap enjoying all the activity. She had her soggy giraffe in her hands, which Amanda had given her after she started to destroy evidence.

"Alex said you were trying to help someone who is in trouble. Would that be Detective Yeager?" Shannon looked at the group of people in front of her as she spoke.

"See, like I said, everybody knows Rae." Martin smiled as his point was made for him.

"Yes, that's right. We all know that she isn't guilty of the terrible crimes she has been charged with, an' tonight we think we might have just started to find some proof of that."

Shannon turned to the young man standing next to her. "If you want to carry on, I would be pleased to help, and we can rearrange our date for another time. This seems more important than dancing the night away."

Alex smiled and was about to reply when Jo cut in again. "Honey, when you are young an' just gettin' to know each other, nothin' in more important than dancin' the night away. Now you two go on, we were just about to break for the night anyway, I think we have gone as far as we can tonight."

"Ok, if you're sure." Shannon looked up at Alex, and saw him smile over at Jo.

"We are sure, I don't think my brain can take any more in tonight anyway. Jo, thank you for opening up your house to us again, I'll see you tomorrow." Alex leant over and kissed her on the cheek, and then he went round, shaking hands with his male friends, he kissed Amanda and received a hug in return, then he bent over and gently kissed Eliana and ran a finger down her soft smiling face. He moved over and took Shannon by the hand, and then turned as he reached the door. "Goodnight all."

A chorus of goodnights followed the couple as Michael showed the two of them to the front door, and soon everybody in the living room heard the door as it shut against the night once again.

It was just after nine on Sunday morning when Jo arrived at Rae and Jesse's house. She'd brought Eliana with her, rather than Jesse take her the night before, so he got a good night's sleep in his own bed the first night out of the hospital, and it had been a good decision. Eliana'd had a disturbed night, cried a lot, which wasn't like her, and felt a little warm.

Jesse let them in, and Jo could see that even though he was still worried, he was far more at peace with what was happening to him than he had been for a while.

Eliana began to cry as soon as she saw her daddy, and she started to fight against the restraints in the carry seat. "I think she has a fever Jess, can you take a look at her before we start?"

Jesse was instantly businesslike and he placed his hand against her forehead. "She does feel a little hot, take her out of the seat and into the living room, I'll just go get my bag. Jesse was only a moment, and then with his daughter sitting on Jo's lap he took her temperature, and looked her over. She was much happier now that she was out of her seat, and although she was a little under the weather, she was bouncing up and down on her Aunty Jo's lap with a grin on her face.

"Honey, just keep still a minute, let Daddy look at you. I think she just has the start of a cold. She'll be fine." As if to show what a good doctor her daddy was Eliana sneezed. It was a tiny delicate little sneeze and Jo and Jesse both laughed. Eliana grinned again as she heard the sound, and let out a delighted squeal. "Oh, I have just missed you so much." Jesse picked the little girl up and gave her a big hug.

Jo stood up and went into the kitchen to make a coffee. She knew that Jesse wouldn't mind, and she wanted to give him some time with his daughter. She opened the cupboard to get out the cup she usually used then she made two hot drinks and a baby juice and went back towards the lounge. Jesse was standing by the window looking out into the back garden, he was pointing through the glass as he showed Eliana the things he could see. Jo put the drinks down on the coffee table and went back out into the kitchen. There was a newspaper on the counter, and not wanting to interrupt Jesse while he caught up on some of the time he had missed with his little girl she began to read the headlines. Rae was still front-page news, although not quite as vividly as before. There was just a small article in the bottom left hand corner of the page saying that she was still in the hospital, but it mentioned that she was awaiting trial for murder, and Jo knew that until they could clear her name everything ever written about her would say that.

Jesse finished showing Eliana where he was going to build her a sand box, and where her swing would be, and how they would have lots of lovely flowers that they could plant together, and turned back into the room. He saw the drinks on the table and realised that Jo had retreated to give him some time to himself. He picked up Eliana's cup and as he handed it to her saw her yawn. Jesse smiled at her and walked down to the nursery. He changed her diaper, and put her into just an all in one vest over the top, so that she wouldn't get too hot. Then he lay her down with her doll, covered her over and went back towards the living room. He had got all the way to the sofa before Eliana realised that she had been left alone and he had to go back.

Alex had arrived at the hospital in a much more positive mood than the previous few days. Shannon had an early shift, and he had arranged to meet her for coffee in the cafeteria before they both started work. She was standing just inside the door with a tray in her hands as Alex entered. He leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek. 

"Hey, how are you today?" Alex looked at Shannon who was smiling up at him. He realised that she had the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen. "It was good last night wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I had a great time." Shannon tried to stifle a yawn. "But I think you might find me asleep in the laundry cupboard by about two this afternoon."

"Ooh, just about the time I'll need to go check our supply of sheets." Alex smiled at her and picked up a tray of his own. They had walked over to the servery as they'd been talking, and joined the queue. He picked up a Danish pastry and kept on moving, Shannon had taken a grapefruit half and a sachet of brown sugar. They poured themselves a coffee each and headed towards a quiet table.

They had been sitting there happy in each other's company for five minutes when Shannon realised with a sinking heart that Louise was making her way over to them. "Ah, do you want Louise to join us?"

"God, no… She's coming over isn't she?"

"Oh, yeah, do you feel like being rotten, or do we put up with it?"

"I guess we have to put up with it don't we?" Alex looked round to see the nurse about two tables away and coming in their direction. He was about to pull a chair out for her with a forced smile when she began to speak.

"Doctor Martin, Doctor Collins asked if you could come and see him before rounds." 

"Oh, thank you Nurse Willis, ah how did you know I was in here?" Alex had an uncomfortable feeling that he had been spied upon.

"I guessed. I know Shannon normally has her breakfast in here when she does this shift." Louise turned and walked away before either of them could reply and Alex turned back to Shannon.

"That woman gives me the creeps, I don't know why, but she just does." Alex felt a little guilty, and hoped that she wasn't too close a friend of Shannon's.

"She doesn't mean to be a nuisance, she finds it hard to make friends, and when she does try she just goes too far." Shannon didn't know why she was making excuses for Louise, she knew the favour wouldn't be returned, but she felt sorry for the girl, and wished that she had made more of an effort with her herself.

"Shannon, I have to go, I need to see what Doctor Collins wants, I'll call you tonight, is that ok?"

"Of course it is, I'll look forward to it. Have a good day… Doctor." Shannon smiled at him, she leant across and kissed him, a little shyly on the lips, and then watched as Alex got up and left the cafeteria.

Wil was waiting in the doctor's lounge for Alex and doing some long overdue paperwork while he sat there. He looked up as the door opened and smiled at the young doctor as he entered the room. "Alex, how are you this morning?"

"Fine, thank you." Alex was always a little wary around the older doctor. He knew that Rae had been his patient before she had registered with him, and Alex felt a little embarrassed by that fact.

"I just wanted to let you know that as you requested I have reduced Rae's sedation overnight, so that she knows that she is being taken for her tests. I spent a little time with her this morning, but I don't think that she has remembered anything more. She asked me questions, but I didn't give anything away, I just kept to the basics."

"Thank you, Doctor Collins, I appreciate all your help on this."

"Alex, please, it's Wil, you're a good doctor, and from what I've seen of Rae's treatment so far she's lucky to have you. She obviously feels that way, she was very complimentary about you." Wil smiled as he spoke, and saw the young man in front of him blush furiously.

"Oh, thank you, I appreciate that. Ah, I'll go now then." Alex concentrated on not hurrying from the room; he was thrilled but embarrassed by what he had just heard.

Alex moved down the hallway towards Rae's room. There was a new guard on the door, Officer Simpkins, and so Alex held out his ID, and pointed to where he was on the list of names he had given to Bryant when she had been there the first day.

Officer Simpkins seemed to be completely different to both Bryant and Worrell. "Your patient has just woken up I think, I thought I heard her, but I haven't been here before, and I didn't want to scare her."

"That's kind of you. I guess Officer Worrell didn't fill you in on her condition before she headed home?"

"No, I got the feeling that she was anxious to get away, nobody likes these shifts very much, but I don't mind myself." She could see Alex's puzzled look and so she continued. "I write, poetry mostly, and so when I am doing one of these twelve hour stints, I write stanza's in my mind. Sometimes I even put pen to paper if I think I have found something worth remembering." Officer Simpkins had smiled again and Alex found himself warming to the woman.

"Ok, thank you, I guess I had better get into Mrs Travis."

"Doctor Martin, if you wish me to sit with your patient actually in the room, at any time, I will be pleased to do so. I know that a lot of the staff at the jail despise her for what she has done, but I intend to reserve my judgement until she has been found either guilty or not guilty in a court of law."

"You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that, but I think you will only distress her. She can't remember anything of about the last thirteen or fourteen months, so she has no memory of being arrested, or of being in jail."

"Oh, dear, thank goodness I didn't go in to see her then. No, nobody told me that. I think I may have to be writing an official complaint instead of poems while I am sitting here."

Alex had gone quietly into Rae's room then, and began to talk so he didn't frighten her. "Rae, it's me, Alex, are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'm awake, how are you today? How was your date last night?"

Alex was delighted to realise that Rae was actually retaining the new information she was being given, he had purposely told her about taking Shannon out, because he knew it would interest her, and she would want to hear all about it if she remembered, which she obviously did.

"It was great, you know…" Alex stopped talking as he felt himself begin to blush. "I really like her, Rae. She is so nice, she's friendly and open, I hope she feels the same way. We are going to the beach this afternoon. It will be cold but we thought it would be nice to wrap up warm and walk along watching the winter waves crash to the shore."

"It sounds lovely, I would like to do that too, maybe when I finally get out of here, Jesse and I can walk along the beach… Alex, I need to ask you a question." 

Alex moved a little closer, and he could see tears welling up in her eyes. "Rae, what is it? You know you can ask me anything you like."

"Alex, did I lose my baby? I know I am not pregnant, I just can't feel it any more. Not moving, I don't mean that, I don't feel pregnant. I haven't been sick, and I was sick, a lot, with, with that man."

"Rae, I don't want to tell you things, because I want you to remember yourself, but this time I'll make an exception, ok?" He saw Rae nod, and saw the worry in her eyes. "You didn't lose your baby, you had a daughter, she is eight months old, and the most beautiful thing you ever saw. Now." He placed an arm on Rae's shoulder as she began to talk. "Now, I am not going to tell you any more, I'm not going to tell you her name, or her birthday, nothing like that, maybe knowing that she is alive and well you will begin to remember things about her and it will help you remember other information as well."

"Alex, where is she? Is she safe?"

"Of course she is, you don't think we would let her be anything but, do you? She is with her daddy, Jesse has her, Honey, and he just dotes on her. Ok, you and I have an appointment in the MRI department, but first of all I have to take this neck brace off."

"Oh, thank goodness. I have been trying so hard to think positively about it, but it is just so difficult."

"You have to keep still Rae, I know if I was wearing this thing I would want to move my shoulders and my head and loosen up the muscles, but until you have had your tests, you have to resist the temptation, ok?"

"Yes, Sir." Rae smiled at him then, and he could tell that she was relaxing at the prospect of being free of her instrument of torture for a while.

He very carefully undid the brace and removed it from around Rae's neck. As he did so his fingers brushed her neck and he felt her tense up. "Rae, I'm so sorry."

"That's ok, it wasn't as bad as the last time you did it." Rae tried to smile to reassure him. "And I can't get away from you this time anyway."

For a moment Alex smiled back, but then he realised what she was saying. "Rae, when did I touch your neck before?"

Rae's smile disappeared and he could see that she was trying very hard to concentrate and remember. "I don't know." Her voice was very quiet as she spoke. "I know you touched it and I ran, but I don't know when that was. I'm sorry."

"That's all right, don't worry about it. Now let's get you down and have the picture taken of your insides, then we can see what is going on. I'll just call for a couple of orderlies to help me." Alex went over to the phone on the wall, but it was still out of order. "Rae, I won't be a moment." He left the room and headed down the hallway and told the nurse what it was he wanted, and then he came back to Rae's room, knowing that what he had to tell her would make her as fed up as he now was. He had been told that due to a bad three-car pile up on PCH, the MRI would be in constant use for about the next three hours. "Honey, I'm gonna have to put your neck brace back on, just for a little while longer, I don't know how long I can stay, but we can't get to the MRI Suite for at least three hours, so I will have to go and come back again." As Alex spoke he was putting the cervical traction device back onto Rae, and he could feel her tense up as he did so. He wished he could remove it all together, but until she had her tests it had to stay where it was.

Steve had called his dad as soon as he knew he would be awake. He was on an early shift, and couldn't get into the hospital until the evening. Jo had promised to go straight there from Jesse's and he knew that he would have to be content with that for now. Steve knew that there would have been another drive by shooting by now, if they were right with the pattern that was, and so he wasn't surprised to find that his desk had a pile of unread papers on it, and three memo's from George Bannister to meet him at the latest crime scene.

George pulled his jacket up round him and looked over at where his partner was digging about in some trash. It was getting close to Christmas, and although not bitterly cold, he would still have preferred to be in the squad room and not standing about on a street corner waiting for Steve. It was another half an hour before he saw the dark blue car draw up and the Lieutenant get out. It was Campbell's and his case, but Steve had seniority over both of them, and they tended to defer to him as soon as he arrived.

"George, what do you have this time?" Steve came striding across to him, not looking as if he felt the cold at all.

"There was one fatality, and it was a shoe store. You try and work out the connection, because I sure can't. Unless he, or she, has a real downer on the whole retail community of LA, in which case we could do a Harry Trumble, and stay on this case for the rest of our working lives." George laughed as he finished and Steve did too, even though he didn't think the joke was funny.  His father and Harry Trumble had been friends at one time, and it saddened him to think that the late detective was as much one of the Clown Killer's victims as all the women he had killed. It was a standing joke around the precinct, that if you struck lucky you could work the one case for your whole detective career, never have to stand on cold street corners, get your own office, your own staff, and choose your own hours. Of course it would also turn you into an obsessed workaholic, with no social life, no home life and a tendency to think that anything that breathed was a major suspect in your case.

"Hey, Steve, wanna join me in the trash?"

"No thanks, Campbell, I'm trying to give it up, did you find anything of interest?"

"Well, the guy who works in the shoe store only likes sweet 'n' low in his coffee, and gets his lunches from Captain Cluck, but apart from that, nope, nothing, nothing at all."

"How many shots were fired?" Steve looked round as a thought struck him. "Campbell, why are you in the trash if this was a drive by?"

"I have no idea, it seemed like a good idea at the time." Campbell smiled, "A lady who witnessed the shooting said that she was sure she saw something being thrown from the car, well, I couldn't find anything on the sidewalk, so I moved onto the trash in the dumpster. It's obvious really."

"Why do I feel like I'm working with Abbot and Costello?" Steve looked at the two cops now standing in front of him. "Unless you have found an important clue, I think you are both in need of a vacation."

"Steve, we are so bored with searching drive by sites, that anything we can do to lighten the moment we grab with both hands."

"Yeah, I guess. So where is the witness, maybe I ought to go and speak with her."

"Well, if you want to go through the dumpster you will, her name is Mary, and this is her spot, if you get my drift." 

"Great, come on then, let's get on with it." Steve looked at Campbell. "After you … way after you!"


	21. 21 Words and Pictures

Words and Pictures 

Jo and Jesse spread all the photo albums out on the living room table. They took one book each and began to look through the pictures. As they began to turn the pages they were transported back to the day that had been so happy for both of them. Alex had taken some still photos as well as the video, and Jesse had those photos in his album. He looked at pictures of John, Patrick and Mara as they played with Eliana, and he could see Rae standing in the background looking on with a proud smile. He remembered how distressed she had been when she had forgotten that she had children, now she was in the same situation again, but this time she couldn't remember any of their recent history. All the memories in his hand would be as nothing to her, until she recovered them on her own. He so wanted to be with her, to help her regain her past, but that was impossible at the moment. Jesse took a deep breath and re-focused on the task at hand.

"Jesse, how about this, would it be what Mark wants do you think?" Jo moved over a little closer to him and pointed to a photo of Rae, as she was getting ready to leave for her honeymoon. She was standing closest to the camera and she was half bending as she stroked her daughter's cheek. Mara was smiling up at her, and Jo could see the pride in Rae's face, but more to the point she could see the bangle on her wrist.

"Yeah, that would do, it's the right side isn't it? Maybe we should see if we could find another few, just in case this isn't what Mark's looking for."

They spent the next hour choosing some more pictures, and then Jesse found one that had Rae's face obscured behind Tony, which seemed almost identical to the one that they were trying to match. 

Jo gathered up everything that she needed to take over to Mark and then they took the cups out to the kitchen. They had a few more minutes together, while Jo made sure that Jesse had enough to make himself a good meal, and didn't need any groceries, and then she headed off.

Alex had stayed with Rae until about thirty minutes after he put her collar back on when she had fallen into a natural sleep. He had crept quietly out of the room, and spoken with Officer Simpkins for a few minutes and was saddened to hear that she would be finishing her shift before the MRI Suite became available. He went back down to the ER, but kept an eye on the clock the whole time he was there.

The time seemed to drag. After the accident that had left the MRI suite swamped with patients nothing else was happening, and Alex found himself with time on his hands. He walked down to the doctor's lounge and made himself a coffee, which for once was actually drinkable, and then, leaving a note of where he was at the reception desk he went back up to see Rae.

He was disappointed to see that the officer who had replaced the likeable Ms Simpkins was the woman who had accompanied Rae when she had been brought in.

"Good morning, how are you?"

"Working." 

"I have to take Mrs Travis up to have some more tests in about a half hour or so, I guess you will be coming as well?"

"Of course, I told you I would be with her the whole time I'm on duty, and that's what I intend to do. She is getting a far easier time than she deserves because everybody here seems to be so paly paly with her."

Alex, felt his anger rise and knew that he had to defend Rae against the slurs that this woman kept throwing at her. "Officer Bryant, Mrs Travis is married to one of the best doctors in the hospital, and is a partner to the son of the head of internal medicine here. She is hardly likely to be unknown to us is she? Now if you will excuse me I have work to do." Alex turned and entered the room, putting on a smile he now didn't feel like using. As he approached Rae's bed, he could see that she was awake, and so once again he began to talk as he moved across the floor.  "Rae, it's Alex, how are you now?"

"Scared. Alex, can you move my arm for me, my left one?"

"Sure, Honey, what's the problem?" Alex took hold of Rae's left hand and very slowly and gently began to raise it. He watched her face the whole time, and he could see that she was in pain, but she didn't cry out, and he carried on with the movement. "Rae, if the pain gets too much, you tell me and I'll stop."  Once he had raised it so that it was at right angles to her body he moved it down and placed it back on the bed.

"I can't do that. Not by myself. I can move my fingers. But I guess you know that, otherwise how would I be able to buzz you?" Rae drummed on the bedcovers as she spoke, the pain evident in her voice, "but I can't move my arm, not at all."

Alex felt his heart sink as she spoke. Rae was left handed, and although he wasn't surprised by what she was saying, he knew that if it were permanent it would mean the end of her career.

"What about your right arm?"

Rae moved her right arm, and Alex could see that although she had restricted movement in it, she could move the whole arm. Alex sat down on the chair next to the bed and took her left hand is his. "Can you feel my hand in yours?"

"Yes." Rae looked at him, and Alex could see the worry in her eyes. 

"Ok, tell me when I take my fingers away from your arm. Shut your eyes for me, and no peeking, ok?" Alex tried a smile, but he really didn't feel like it any more.

"No, Doctor." Rae did smile back, but he could tell that it was forced. He ran his finger gently up the inside of her arm, and as he got just past the wrist he knew that Rae couldn't feel him anymore. "You have stopped."

Alex took his hand away, "Ok, you can open your eyes now." Alex looked at her again, and he could see that there was confusion and a lot of questions that Rae needed to have answered. "We have a few minutes and I have another couple of tests to do, ok?"

"I have nothing else booked." Rae's words were light, but her voice was loaded with emotion.

Alex took a hold of the index finger of Rae's left hand and began to squeeze hard at the nail base. As he did so he moved the finger outwards.

"Ow! Alex, what are you doing?"

"Hold on, Rae, and I'll explain." Alex did the same thing to each finger and thumb, noting down Rae's reactions as he did so. Then when he had finished he looked down at Rae's face. "I know what I just did was painful, and I know you want to talk to me, and I want to listen, but we have an appointment with an MRI machine, and they don't wait for lowly newly qualified doctors like me, even though they have kept me waiting all morning, so we'd better go. I'll just detach you from the wall again, and then we'll depart. I'm afraid that the guard from outside the door will be coming with us."

"Ok, I still don't know why she's there, but I guess I don't have any say in the matter, and I'm just too tired to argue."

"Well you'll get a chance to sleep without the collar on in a while. The MRI takes about sixty minutes and there's nothing else to do in that tunnel except sleep or plan your Christmas list." Alex smiled again; he had been put inside the MRI machine while he was a medical student, and had found it a little claustrophobic. He'd only been in there for a minute, but Rae had to withstand over an hour in it, and knowing that as far as she was concerned it was only a couple of days ago that she had been left, alone, in a dark place, he wasn't sure how she would react.

Jo walked into the lobby of Community General and then took the elevator up to Mark's floor. She had the photos and some more of the files from Martin in her hand, as well as a daily paper and a crossword magazine because she knew that he was getting very bored now. It had been four days since he had been injured, and he was more than ready to go home, but because Wil had to operate on him for a second time he had another two days of hospital food before he could head over to Jo's to be taken care of by Michael.

Jo tapped on the door and was pleased to see Mark already sitting up and looking through the information he had received from Steve the day before. "Hey, Sweetie, how are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, more to the point how are you? Are you feelin' any better?"

"I feel ok, a little sore still, but I know that I'm lucky to still be here, so any soreness is easy to put up with." 

"Well, I have brought you the photos that Jesse an' I thought were the closest to the one from the video. I have somethin' to tell you about what we found last night, but I want to know what you are thinkin' first." Jo waited for Mark to speak, but when she realised that he wasn't going to say a word, she carried on talking. "Mark, I know you have found somethin' an' you have to tell me, I hate not knowin'."

"Jo, when I'm sure I'll tell you." Mark smiled at her, and she knew that there was no way he would say anything yet.

"Can you tell me why you don't think it was Rae? When you woke up you said 'Rae… no, don't … No, no …' Steve thought that you sounded like you thought it was Rae who attacked you an' for a while I did too."

Mark collected his thoughts for a moment, and then began to speak. "I was waiting for Rae to come so that we could go into Bob's for lunch. I knew that she'd had a panic attack in there the last time she visited with Steve so I thought I would wait outside and we could go in together. I bought a paper from the machine and I was reading it when I heard somebody behind me…" Mark paused as he thought about what had happened. He could see it all in his mind as he spoke, and it made it seem as if it was happening all over again. 

"Mark, you don't have to tell me all this now, we can wait an' go over the rest of it later." Jo was looking very concerned and she placed her hand over Mark's and held it gently.

"No, you need to hear it, and, when he has time, so does Steve… I heard footsteps, and I called Rae's name, but as I turned I thought maybe it wasn't her, then I saw the knife coming towards me, and I tried to move away…" This time Mark did stop speaking altogether. 

"Why did you think that it wasn't her? Was it something that the person said, or did you see her face?"

"No, I didn't see her face, but I saw her hand, and she wasn't wearing her wedding ring, or her engagement ring. I know that Rae and Jesse have been having problems, did she take them off?"

"No, she didn't, she doesn't have them on now, nor her other jewellery, but she kept them on the whole time, even when she sent Jesse away."

"Well, the person who stabbed me didn't have any jewellery on, none at all." Mark clicked his fingers as he thought of something else. "She had no bracelets on either, and Rae wears one on each wrist, one is a watch isn't it?" He saw Jo nod and smile broadly. "That's what you spotted, no bracelets isn't it?" Jo nodded. "There is something else, but it was just a fleeting thought.  I got the impression that she was a little shorter than Rae."

Jo was delighted by what she was hearing, but there were still problems. "Mark, you know you'll be called on to give evidence, can you stand up an' say without a doubt that it wasn't Rae who attacked you?" Jo looked at her friend and the worry and reservation she suddenly felt was evident in her face.

"Without a doubt… no, but I can't say with absolute certainty that it **was** her either. Now did you bring in the photos...?" Mark saw Jo nod. "Good, right let's have a look and see what you have got."

Jo got all the different things out of her bag that she had brought. She separated the photos from the rest of the papers and handed them over. Jo sat quietly and watched as Mark swapped from one picture to another, and then held them next to each other, then alone. He didn't put the still from the video down, but he kept changing the photos that he had of Rae until in the end he put them all on the bed and smiled a satisfied smile. "It's not the same person."

Jo felt the relief wash over her and she found that for a moment she couldn't speak. After a little while she took a deep breath and smiled at Mark. "An' now you are absolutely certain?"

"Oh yes, I don't know if it will be accepted in a court of law, but I sure hope so. Look Jo, look at the two photos I have left together, and see what you can make out."

Jo placed the two photos on top of the bed tray that was resting by the side of her, and looked from one picture to the other over and over again. It was like looking at a spot the difference competition in the newspaper and for a while she couldn't see anything that really stood out, but gradually as she looked at them she could see that the way they held themselves was different with the person in each picture. The way they stood, how their feet were placed, the bearing of the person in the murder picture was completely different to the picture of Rae on her wedding day.

"Even taking into account the fact that by the time these pictures of Rae were taken she was completely relaxed and enjoying herself immensely, you can see that they are definitely different people. If you wanted concrete proof that she didn't do it, which I know you do, this is it."

Jo leant over and kissed Mark gently on the cheek, "Thank you, Mark, you have just saved her life."

Rae was wheeled down into the room that housed the MRI machine and she could hear people talking all around her, but all she could see was the shadows across her of the orderly pushing her bed. Officer Bryant's voice rose above all others, as she was asked about all the metal objects she had with her, and was told, in no uncertain terms by the technician that she would have to remain outside the room with everybody else while Rae was under her care. In the end the room became silent and Rae decided that for once the guard had been thwarted. She heard somebody walking over to her and then she saw Alex's smiling face as he leant towards her.

"Ok, Rae, this is gonna take about ninety minutes, I guess I was a little under in my estimation. You don't have any pins or anything metal on or in you do you?"

"No, not that I know of."

"What about fillings?"

"No, I am a good girl, I brush my teeth every night and every morning." Rae tried a smile but it was a little tight, and she knew that it was because she was very nervous.

"Right, well, what will happen is this. In a minute I will leave the room after you have been transferred very carefully to the MRI machine. Once it starts up the whole cycle will take the ninety minutes. The table you will be on moves into the tunnel and pictures will be taken of your neck using magnetic fields and radio waves. Which is why it is called a Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine, MRI. If you still feel ok we will do your knees as well, if not they can be done another day. You mustn't move while this is going on, the best thing would be for you to close your eyes and try to sleep, but it does click and thump as it moves, so if you can't sleep just lie there and let your mind drift, ok?"

"Alex, will I be able to feel anything?"

"No, it's completely painless, now, if you are ready we can start."

"I am, it's not like I have anything else to do is it?" Rae smiled again, but the joke was wearing a little thing, and felt Alex take hold of her left hand. She was instantly reminded of the lack of mobility she had there, and hoped that this machine would give her some answers.  She felt other hands touch her and she braced herself ready to be moved onto the machine. The pain shot through her, and she couldn't stop a cry of agony escape her. "Sorry."

"Rae, it's ok, which part of you is hurting?" Alex's voice sounded full of concern as he spoke.

"My ribs. My shoulders hurt all the time anyway."

"One more second…"

Rae heard a voice she didn't recognise, and then she was back on a firm surface. She tried to slowly exhale, but it still hurt, and she realised how safe and cosseted she had been while she was in her private room.

Alex let go of Rae's hand and began to speak. "Rae, you have to have ear plugs in, because it could damage your hearing otherwise. I will put them in for you." He gently rolled the foam plugs between his fingers and then placed them in Rae's ears. Once he had done that he took her hand again. "I have to put an imaging coil on your neck. Rae this is going to be the hardest part for you, but this is one of those good things, ok?"

"If I have ear plugs in, why can I still hear you?"

Alex smiled, that was the real Rae coming through. "Nobody ever asked me that before, maybe … because … Rae I have no idea, don't ask difficult questions. Now, I am going to change the subject before I make a complete fool of myself. I have to put this on your neck, are you ready?"

"I guess."

Gently Alex placed the device over Rae, and he saw her shut her eyes for a moment, and then to his delight he saw her take a hold of herself and open them again. 

Rae watched as the ceiling of the room disappeared, to be replaced by the inside of the MRI machine. She didn't know why but she had thought that the roof of it would be a long way away from her; if she could move her arms easily she knew she would be able to touch it without any problems. The movement of the bed she was on stopped and Rae tried not to think about the fact that she was in a metal coffin with one end open, something heavy and restricting across her neck and no way to escape if she wanted to know what was wrong with her. She saw two beams of light as they were positioned from somewhere so that they shone down on her neck, then she heard Alex's voice from outside her temporary coffin.

"There is an intercom inside, so if you need to speak I will be able to hear you, and vice versa. I will probably say hello every now and again, just to make sure you are all right. Rae, if you need to come out of the tunnel just call and we can bring you straight out, ok?" 

"Yes, thank you. Alex, you explain things very well."

As Alex quietly left the room, he heard the machine begin to work and as he joined the technician in her booth he found that he couldn't take his eyes off the screen that would show all the pictures as they were taken.

"Rae, are you all right?"

She heard Alex's voice cut through the air, and once she got over the shock she smiled a little.  "Well, I would rather be on the beach, but yeah, I'm ok at the moment."

Alex looked over to the guard to see what reaction she had to Rae's words. She was standing as close to the door through to the MRI machine as she could get, and she had no expression whatsoever on her face.

The machine began to bang all around her, and for a moment Rae thought she wasn't going to be able to do it. "Alex?"

"Yes, Rae, it's ok, I know it's loud, but at least you know it's working."

"Please Alex, talk to me, don't stop talking… this is just so hard."

He could hear the fear in her voice, and Alex knew just what an effort it was for her to stay where she was.

"Ok, I could tell you about how my date went the other night." Alex looked round as he felt the blush creep up his face.

"No, Alex, please, tell me what has happened that I don't remember. Not vital stuff, I know you want me to remember that, but things that have happened to you, or Mark… please."

The last words Rae spoke were filled with panic, and taking a deep breath Alex began to talk.

Jo had put a call through to Martin once she had got over the excitement Mark's announcement had caused. She had tried to speak to Steve, but he was out on a case, and so she knew she would have to wait to pass the news along to him. It was just over an hour later that Cheryl and her partner arrived at the hospital and made their way to Mark's room.

"So, you think you have found a way to free Rae?" Cheryl came into the room, a smile on her face. "I hope you have, guys, because the evidence I've got will convict her for sure."

"Cheryl, I know you are doing your job, but surely in your heart you don't think that Rae is capable of killing three people, and attacking two more?" Mark moved as he spoke and the pain was echoed in his face.

"Mark, if you or I had been through what she has in the last few years, well, it's enough to send anybody a little crazy."

"True, but that doesn't answer my question, now does it?"

"No, it doesn't. Mark I don't know. Rae is my friend, she saved my life… no, I don't think she could do these things, but when I have the evidence in my hand I know different."

"Well, maybe you should hold these two pieces of evidence in your hands, an' then see what you think." Jo handed over the still from the video and the photo of Rae with her face obscured by Tony.

"Where did you get the picture of the murderer from?" Cheryl turned to look at her partner as she spoke, and was impressed to see that Martin held her gaze.

"Cheryl, Rae is my friend, I couldn't see her get the death penalty, not without trying to save her."

"No, I guess you couldn't. Ok, then let's look at this wonderful evidence, and see if you can convince me too."

Over the next hour or so Jo, Mark and Martin explained to Cheryl everything that they had discovered, along with the evidence shown in the photos. She made pages of notes, and asked question after question. She was just about to deliver her own verdict when the door opened and Steve walked in.

"Steve, hi," Jo moved over to give him a kiss, but moved quickly away. "Honey, where have you been? You smell like a skunk."

Steve turned and he could see that his odour had reached across the room to his dad and his colleagues.

"I guess you've been hunting around in dumpsters again haven't you?" Cheryl grinned at him.

"Yeah, sorry, guys, I didn't realise it was quite so obvious. I'll just sit over here, you carry on, don't mind me."

"But, Steve, darlin' we do mind you, we mind you an awful lot. You normally have a change of clothes in your car, go get them, use your daddy's shower, get changed an' then we will let you join in our games, ok?"

Steve stood up and went to kiss her, but she scooted back over to stand behind Cheryl. "Officer, if that man comes any nearer to me, I want you to arrest him, I have no idea what charges to bring, but I am sure somethin' will come to me."

Cheryl laughed; she couldn't believe how relieved she was that they were including her in their jokes. She had felt like the bad guy for so long that she felt her emotions begin to get the better of her, and for a moment she had to turn away.

"Ok, ok, I'm going, I'll be back in a few moments." Steve tried very hard to look hurt and upset, but he was enjoying the light moment, and so it wasn't very convincing. He headed back the way he had just come, feeling more relaxed that he had in a good while.

Rae spent just over two and a half hours in the MRI suite before she was taken gently back to her room. She was absolutely exhausted by what had happened to her, but the relief she had felt when Alex had removed the imaging coil had given her the energy to keep going a little longer.

"Rae, I am going to start to raise your bed so that you can see things, probably tomorrow, or early on Tuesday. The initial prognosis isn't as gloomy as I thought it was going to be, but it will be a long road, and I mean a long road, I'm not talking about a month or so, but about a year, maybe longer than that before you get the movement back in your arms. The results will be available tomorrow, but the technician explained things to me as she went along."

"What is it then Alex? I can't not work for a year." Rae could feel the tears just below the surface, and she knew that if she began to cry then Alex would stop telling her.

"As I thought you have a brachial plexus injury … which means that you have damaged the nerve endings which send the signals from your spinal cord to your shoulders, arms and hands. This can result in anything from slight disability in your shoulders, to complete paralysis of the whole arm. But the MRI shows that the damage isn't as bad as I had feared, and I think that with a lot of work on your part, you will get some more mobility back. But, I can't be certain, Rae, nobody can, you will literally have to take one day at a time, and see how things go."

"And the pain? Will I have that for the whole time too?"

"No, probably not. As you begin to recover the movement the pain will diminish. Rae, I am so sorry, that I don't have better news, but believe me, I thought I was going to be telling you that you would never get the movement back, and that the paralysis would be permanent. I don't think that is the case, and I will do everything I can to make sure you get the best treatment you can to help you through this. I don't know if we have a surgeon that specialises in your type of injury here at Community General, but I intend to find out."

"Surgery, it can be cleared up with surgery? Then I'll have that." Rae felt some hope as she spoke.

"No, it can't be definitely cleared up with surgery, and the current thinking is to leave things alone for about six months to see how the injury progresses on its own. We will monitor it closely, I have no intention of not doing everything I can to help you, ok?"

"Thank you, Alex. Now, if you don't mind, I think I would like to be left alone for a while." Rae desperately wanted to move her head so that she could turn away from the world, but she knew that however she felt she would have to come to terms with it looking up at the ceiling. 

By the time Steve had showered and changed his clothes the atmosphere in Mark's room was one of concentration once again. "Hey, guys, how's it going?"

"Well, apart from the fact that we are all freezin' cold, because we had to open all the windows to get rid of the reminders of your presence everythin' is fine. You know I might even have that kiss now." Jo moved across towards Steve as she spoke.

"Oh no, you had your chance, if you want to kiss me now, you will have to work real hard."

"Children, children, come on, I know things don't seem quite as black as they did, but we still have work to do."

"What, what have you found, Dad?" Steve came quickly across towards the others in the room, and he could see Cheryl's pad on her lap. "Can I?" He reached out his hand as he spoke.

"Sure, no problem."

They all sat quietly as they watched Steve read through the notes that his ex-partner had made and they could tell that he was getting more and more relieved the further that he got. "Let me see the photos."

"Ooh, a please would be nice." Jo held the photos out to him.

"Sorry, thank you." Steve moved over towards the now closed window and looked from one photo to the other, as everybody else had done. When he turned back to the group he had a broad smile on his face. "It's not her, is it?"

"No, Steve, I don't think it is. They aren't awfully clear unfortunately." It was Cheryl who spoke. 

"We could get them enhanced couldn't we? I know that the photo is a little grainy, and when we only had one suspect it wasn't that much of a problem, but now…" Martin stopped talking. He hadn't worked on a case like this before, and he wasn't actually sure if it could even be done.

"We can try, we certainly wouldn't be any worse off." Cheryl added another note to her list. "Steve, Mark, I'm sorry, but on the evidence we had there was no other suspect."

"But now, there has to be one. We just don't have any idea who it is, right?" Steve felt his heart sink again, there had been no attacks or murders since Rae had been arrested, but her internment had been so public that to carry on would have been to highlight Rae's innocence.

"I think I need to go and see the Captain about all this." Cheryl stood up and checked her watch, they had been there for over two hours, and it was now lunchtime. "Steve, I'll see you back at the station, ok?"

"Yeah, sure, I want to go and see Rae, and then I'll be in… Dad, do you know where Alex is? I don't want to say the wrong thing when I see her."

"Why would you? Is there something else wrong with Rae?" Mark looked extremely worried, and Steve realised that nobody had told him about Rae's loss of memory.

"She thinks that she has been rescued from where Levington was holding her. She doesn't remember anything from after he had gone and she was in the house on her own." Steve could remember every awful detail of when they had found Rae in the basement of the house Levington had rented to keep her prisoner in.

Mark lay back on his pillow and let the latest news sink in. "That poor girl has had more than her fair share of trouble since she arrived in our city. It's a wonder she wants to stay."

"She stays because she has friends like you an' Steve." Jo smiled, Rae was her best friend, and she knew that she would be devastated if she left.

Steve moved over to the phone on the wall, and was put through to Alex in the ER. He spoke for a couple of minutes and then put the receiver back down. "Alex says not to mention the real reason why she is in the hospital, but he did say that if you had finished with the photos maybe I could show her the ones you brought from Jesse."

Jo picked up the wedding pictures and gave them to him. As Steve looked through them he smiled. There were only four of them, but the memories were so special that he was sure they would do the trick. "Ok, Dad I'll see you later, I'll pop in again before I head back to work. Jo, Honey, I guess you don't have your nurse' outfit with you today?"

"No, sorry, I was only wanted when Alex was waitin' for Rae to come round. I'm gonna go an' see Jesse again a little later, just to make sure he is ok. Can you tell Rae that for me?"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Steve kissed her gently on the lips. They didn't seem to get any time to themselves at the moment, but when this was all over he was determined that they would get away for some time alone.

Rae had spent the whole afternoon trying to imagine what it would be like not to be a cop any more, she thought about all the things that she did that would now be impossible or at least really difficult. In the end she had got so upset that she had closed her mind to the possibilities and tried to think about more pleasant things. She thought about when Jesse had proposed to her in the Japanese Gardens. It had been a wonderful day, and the memories made her smile. She must have dozed off to sleep because she was startled by a sound, and realised that someone was quietly calling her name.

"Rae, are you awake?"

She slowly opened her eyes. "Well, I am now!"

"Honey, I'm sorry, I just wanted to see how you were doing before I headed back to work."

Rae remembered what Alex had told her, and she fought to keep the tears from her eyes. "I can't talk about it, Steve, I'm sorry."

"That's all right. I was talking with Dad, and we had a couple of photos that we wanted you to see. They might help you to remember."

"Ok, what are they of?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Steve smiled at her, and held them so that she could see the pictures clearly. He had made sure that the guard hadn't stopped him from entering, but he hadn't spoken more than two words to her.

"I look real happy don't I?" Suddenly a thought came into Rae's mind. "Your hands, Steve, you don't have your plaster casts on any more." 

"Honey, I haven't had them on for months."

"Oh. Something else I don't remember. Steve, these photos don't mean anything to me, except to point out just what a lousy mother I am." Rae couldn't turn away from her partner so she did the only thing she could, she shut her eyes.

"Rae! Why would you say that? You're a great mom."

Slowly she opened her eyes again. "When Donovan attacked me I forgot about my children in London. I couldn't look at their picture because I got upset and denied that they were mine. Now, apparently I have another child, a baby, and I have no recollection of any of it. I don't remember the birth, or anything after that. I know the baby is a girl, but not how old she is, I have no idea what name I chose. If I can forget so easily how can I be a good mom?"

Steve didn't know what to say. Alex had told him to let the memories come from Rae not from him. The picture he was holding up now was just of her and Michael as they were moving some of the wedding presents so that they wouldn't be in the way when everybody came in for the buffet. Steve let Rae lie in silence, he didn't want to push her, and after a while he could see that she had fallen asleep. Gently he stroked her hair and watched her as she slept. Steve knew that he should get back to the case he was working on, but he also knew that this was way more important.

Steve didn't know how long Rae had been asleep before he felt her hand stir under his. He had nodded off himself, and was glad that the battleaxe outside the door hadn't come in and kicked him out. 

Rae was slowly coming round, and she could feel someone's hand over hers. She looked into the face of her partner, and smiled. "Hey, don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Nope, this place will do me just fine." Steve was pleased to see her smile, and he hoped that the sleep would have put her in a more positive mood.

 "Rae, do you remember we were looking at pictures? Can you look at the other photos and see if you can remember anything from them?"

Steve held the photos out to her and then watched with concern as carefully Rae took a photo, with her right hand and Steve realised for the first time that she wasn't moving her left arm at all. He could see that the next picture was the one of Rae and Mara and he watched for a reaction. It wasn't long in coming.

"Mara. Mara was here, in Los Angeles? See, see what I mean, all of them, all four of them would have been better off if Levington had killed me when he had the chance." Rae shut her eyes, and he saw that the pictures fall onto the bedcovers. 

"Rae, Honey, please, none of this is your fault, you mustn't say things like that. When you remember everything you will realise that what you are saying isn't true. Rae, look at me. You are a good mom. Your children all love you." Steve searched his mind for the right thing to say.  "Do you remember what I said to you when you realised that you did have children last time?"

"No, sorry."

"I said that if you had never remembered, they would still have loved you their whole lives. You are their mom, you have never been unkind to them, or made them think that you have more important things than them in your life. If they couldn't remember you would you stop loving them?"

"No, of course not. I have a baby that I have no memory of, but I know that I love her…" Rae's voice grew soft and Steve moved a little closer. "And I just want to be able to see her face, and hold her close to me. But look at me; I wouldn't be able to do either of those things. Oh, God, Steve, why do these things happen to me?"

Steve got as close to her as he could. He had never heard Rae speak in such a way before, and he was very worried. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her until the hurt went away, but he couldn't do that until she was sitting up. 

As Rae finally let the tears fall, she took in gulps of air, and the pain shot through her cracked ribs, she cried out and as she did so she felt the pressure of the collar around her throat.  Rae tried to contain the panic she felt, but once it took a hold of her, as it had started to do now, all she could see was an image of Levington coming towards her, but suddenly this time the image changed and she was in the precinct. 

Steve had a hold of both Rae's hands, but he didn't think that she was aware of him at all. He moved slightly so that he could reach the call button, and pressed it. As he turned back towards Rae he felt her jump and she began to shake.

Rae could see him coming towards her; he darted out of a room, his hands in manacles. _Like I had to wear_. Then suddenly Martin was there and her memory exploded in front of her as she heard a gunshot and she saw Levington's head disintegrate. "No, my God, no!"

Steve tried to keep her hands in his, her left hand didn't move, but her right started to pull away. "No, my God, no…! Steve, he's dead! He was killed at the station, Martin shot him!"

Alex came into the room just in time to hear her speak. He could see from the doorway that she was very agitated and upset. He had brought a sedative with him, but he was hoping that he wouldn't have to use it.

"Rae, it's Alex."

"Alex, I can remember, not much, just a little bit. But it's not nice, I don't think I want to remember anymore if it is all like this."

"It's not, I promise you that. But if you try too hard to bring things back you won't succeed. It sounds to me like you have done enough thinking for one day." Alex checked his watch; it was the middle of the afternoon. "Honey, do you want me to give you something to help you sleep, you've had a long and exhausting day and can probably sleep unaided, but I can sedate you if you would prefer it."

"Yes, please. That way I'm not aware of the cervical collar." She watched as Alex came over and gave her the injection. She saw him put the needle against the skin of her left arm, but she could feel nothing.

"Alex, thank you. I wish I could stay this way for always, I don't think I want to remember any more things."

"Shhh, you need to just sleep, all these feelings will be gone by the morning."

"Yeah, along with all the feelings in my left arm. There is no point in my remembering, or getting better if I can't be a cop any more. I wish I could sleep for ever." Rae's eyes closed as she finished speaking. Her words had been hard and cold, and the two friends watched with horror as she finally succumbed to the sedative.

"Alex, I don't like this, I don't like it at all."

"Neither do I. But tomorrow I will do something about it, that I promise you."

Alex and Steve left the room, their minds full of what they had just witnessed. Neither of them realised that the whole conversation had been heard by a third party, and as they tried to work out a way to help Rae, the other person tried to make herself inconspicuous as she worked on finishing what she had started.


	22. 22 Desperate Times

Desperate Times 

Jesse had spent a peaceful Sunday with Eliana. He had spoken to Alex on the phone and he knew as much as the young doctor did about Rae's condition. Eliana had been a bit weepy with her cold, but the house was warm and cozy and the father and daughter had enjoyed each other's company. Jesse had managed to keep the longing for Rae's presence in the back of his mind, and it hadn't been until his little girl was fast asleep that he had sunk down on the sofa and let some of the despair he felt come to the surface.

He had taken the wedding albums out again and had spent over two hours just looking through them and watching the video that Alex had taken. It had been one of the two happiest days of his life, and he found it hard to come to terms with the fact that Rae couldn't remember it. In the end he had put everything away and headed for his bedroom. He was still sleeping in the spare room. He just couldn't face the big double bed in the main room until Rae was back to share it with him.

Alex had finished his shift a little while after he had spoken to Jesse about Rae's MRI. He hadn't told him how depressed she had sounded to him and Steve before he had sedated her for the afternoon and overnight. Jesse had enough on his mind without worrying about that as well. When Alex had signed out he had seen Shannon going into the elevator, and had called to her. She had come over with a smile and taken his hand in hers.

"Hey, are you all right? You look really worried." Shannon's smile was replaced by an anxious look.

"Yeah, I just have a patient that is causing me concern at the moment, but I'll get there with her." Alex had a warm feeling inside and he knew it was because of the young lady in front of him.

"I don't know if I can help you with that, but I finish in five minutes, we could grab a coffee… if you would like."

"I would like, very much, I'll wait for you in the doctor's lounge, ok? I have a call I have to make."

"I'll see you there." Shannon let go of Alex's hand and headed back towards the elevator. 

Alex went into the doctor's lounge, and relieved to see it was empty he moved over and picked up the phone. He checked the number he had taken note of a little while earlier, and punched it into the handset. Alex heard the sound of the phone the other end ringing out for a moment until it was finally answered.

"Brian Dobson."

"Doctor Dobson, it's Doctor Alex Martin, I'm sorry to bother you at home, but I need to talk to you about Rae." Alex knew that Brian would know exactly who he was talking about.

"In what way, Doctor?" Brian's tone was cold and hard, and Alex felt the unexpected tightening of his stomach.

"I guess you know that she has been arrested, well, she was attacked in jail, and seriously injured. She seems well on the way to slipping into depression, and I was wondering whether you could come in and speak with her. You are one of the few people that she really trusts. Her husband isn't allowed in to see her, neither are her friends, but I know that I could get clearance for you." Alex realised that he was rushing to get out everything that he desperately wanted to say.

"Doctor Martin, I'm not sure how I can say this without sounding rude, so I hope you will excuse me, but I am staggered that you would even consider asking me to come and meet with the woman who has been charged with the murder of my nurse and one of my patients." 

"Doctor, you can't really believe the Rae is guilty of murder." Alex was astounded by what he was hearing. "You know her better than any of us, and none of us think that she had anything to do what has been happening. Please Doctor Dobson, I am seriously concerned about her state of mind."

"Doctor Martin, I will be extremely blunt with you. I have no intention of seeing Detective Yeager again until I am sitting in a courtroom watching her trial. If she is found not guilty then I guess I will have some apologising to do, but until then, I have nothing more to say." The phone was put down without another word, and Alex stood looking at the receiver in his hand, not quite knowing what to do next.

It seemed to Alex that it was far longer than five minutes before Shannon arrived, but he knew that it wasn't really. He stood as she tapped on the door, and waited on the threshold. "You can come in, we don't bite." Alex smiled at her; he could see that suddenly she looked really nervous.

"I have never been in a doctor's lounge before, I guess I just feel a little unsure." Shannon walked into the room, and Alex moved over and took her hand. They were the only people in the room, and she leant close to him and kissed him gently on the lips. Alex pulled her even closer and began to kiss her with more passion. After a minute or two she finally pulled away from him, and smiled up into his eyes. "Mmm, I think I like this lounge." 

"Well, I've had enough of it for one day, come on, I'll buy you dinner." Alex pulled her by the hand and they moved out into the hallway. Nadine and Katie were walking down towards them, and they smiled as they saw the couple standing hand in hand, waiting for them.

"Well, I guess you got your money's worth?" Nadine smiled as she spoke, and then felt a little guilty as she saw them both blush.

"Nadine!" It was Katie who spoke, but then she laughed. "She tends to speak first, think later, I'm sorry."

"The words just come out of my mouth before they go through my brain!" Nadine knew that she was blushing as well now.

"Don't worry about it. I guess it's true in a way." Alex was enjoying Shannon's company so much, that he didn't really mind what they said to him.

"So, where are you going?" 

"Oh, I thought I would introduce Shannon to the delights of barbecue." Alex tightened his grip on Shannon's hand, and they moved towards the elevator, "See you later, ladies."

The doors opened and then closed on the two friends, and Katie and Nadine looked at each other and laughed.

"Oh, well, I did say they were made for each other didn't I?" Katie tried not to look too smug.

"Yeah, I know, and they look so different that they go real well together." Nadine smiled, "so, I guess we could go for barbecue too."

"Nah, how about coffee and a Danish in the cafeteria?"

"Ok, sounds fine seeing as we only have ten minutes of our break left." Nadine checked her watch and then they headed towards the elevator themselves.

Jesse woke the next morning just after eight, as he heard his daughter begin to come to. He got quickly out of bed hoping to get to her before she woke up completely, he loved to see her wake up and begin to realise that she had another fun day ahead of her. He stood just inside the nursery door, and he could see her stretching out and flexing her little fingers. Eliana turned in her crib to find her dolly but instead her eyes found her father. "Dadadadadada." 

For a moment the lump in Jesse's throat was so big he couldn't move or even respond to her. He couldn't believe that the beautiful little person lying there was a part of him, that he was a daddy. He was suddenly spurred into action and he moved into the room and bent over the crib and picked her up. "Hey, Sweet pea, how are you today?" Eliana began to cough as Jesse spoke to her. "Oh, dear, come on let's get you a drink of juice, that will help your poor throat." He could see Rae in the beautiful little face looking up at him, and he took a deep breath, he would see her today, no matter what happened. Having made that decision he headed towards the kitchen, and the delights of breakfast with an eight-month-old baby. Twenty minutes later, while Eliana was sucking at a toast soldier he put a call through to Sally, to double check that it would still be all right for her to have his daughter for the six hours he planned to work at the hospital. Once that had been confirmed he got himself a cup of coffee and a couple of pieces of toast, because he knew that Amanda would come and check that he had eaten.

Wil Collins had examined Mark, and although he already knew he wouldn't be going home that day, when Wil had said the same thing he had felt really down for a while. Jo had arrived about twenty minutes after the doctor had left Mark's room, and she had been worried by the change in her friend.

"Mark, Honey, what's the matter? You seemed so much better yesterday, has somethin' happened?"

"No, no, it's just me being a silly old man, I knew I wouldn't be going home today, but when Wil said it too I felt, I don't know, let down, I guess."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about some things, nothin' to do with the case, more to do with the time of year." Jo smiled, she hoped she could get some of the excitement back in Mark's eyes. There were no new developments with Rae's case, and Jo knew that the main part of Mark's problem was boredom. She also knew, from Steve, that he just loved Christmas, and so she had a few plans of her own to share with him.

Alex signed in at the ER desk and then headed straight for the elevator. He knew that Rae would probably be awake already, but Wil had promised to keep an eye on her, and to be around should she need him. As he walked down the hallway he could see that Officer Simpkins was back on duty and he breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Good morning Officer Simpkins, how are you today?"

"Doctor Martin, I'm fine thank you. Well apart from the fact that I wasn't supposed to be working today."

"I am pleased to see you anyway, it's nice to be greeted civilly when I come to see my patient." Alex smiled as he spoke, and was relieved to see it returned.

"I think that she is awake in there, I haven't gone in, because of what you said about her memory loss, I thought it would be better if I stayed out."

"Thank you. I'll go in then, and let you know how things are with her this morning, when I know myself." Alex moved into the room, and once again called out as he did so. "Honey? It's Alex."

There was no sound at all, he could see that Rae was awake, her eyes were open, and he could see the fingers of her left hand were moving slowly on the bed.

"Rae, is something wrong?" Alex regretted the words as soon as he had spoken them.

"Oh no, Alex, everything is just coming up roses. I don't want to talk to you, or anybody else for that matter, just go away and leave me alone." Rae spat out the words and then shut her eyes.

"Ok, I won't say anything, but I am going to start raising your bed, just a little, then I will leave it for an hour and I will come back and raise it again. If it makes you feel nauseous you must let me know and I will stop straight away." Alex moved over and began to gently raise the head of the bed. Rae was able to see quite a bit of the room before she suddenly spoke.

"Stop, ooh, Alex, please."

The bed stopped moving straight away, and Alex turned to her. "I knew I could get you to talk to me."

For an instant the old Rae was back and she stuck her tongue out at Alex. "Smart Alex!"

"Oh funny…! Rae, talk to me, how are you feeling?"

"Alex, there is nothing to talk about. I have nothing to say."

"Rae, I know you must be really scared about what is happening to you, and on top of that you have no idea why you are here, or anything that has occurred in a long time. But you have to believe that we are doing as much as we can to help you." Alex didn't know if what he was saying would do any good, but he had to try.

"Alex, I know that, but I just feel so helpless and lost. I miss Jesse so much, but nobody will tell me why he can't come and see me. I have tried and tried to remember what has happened to me. But the last thing I can recall is a bright flash of light, and then, then I was here, with a guard by the door. I can't move my left arm, my right arm really hurts, I have cracked ribs, my legs hurt and I can't even think about my throat. And sometime in that period of darkness, I turned into moaning Minnie!"

Alex laughed as Rae finished talking. "Oh, Honey, you aren't a moaning Minnie, you have so much on your plate right now, I'm not surprised you are feeling a little sorry for yourself."

"Did you get my results back yet?" Rae tried to focus on the present. She had spent most of the early morning trying to bring her past back.

"No, it will be after lunch before I can go and enquire. It takes twenty-four hours, and I don't want to push my luck, we got two procedures done in one session because you were still ok, and able to have your knees done, so I will tread a little carefully."

"I guess I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah, I guess. Can I get you something to read sent up?"

"You could, it would be nice to get my mind onto other things for a while." Rae tried a smile, and was surprised to find that it was a little easier to do than she had imagined.  Her doctor leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek before he had to leave the room. "Alex."

He turned to her, "Yes?"

"Thank you."

Alex moved back over. "For what?"

"For doing more than you have to." Rae couldn't really put what she felt into words, but she hoped that someday soon she would be able to.

The nurse on duty in the ER was Louise Willis, and as the elevator doors opened she looked up and saw a small child being brought in. "Good morning Ma'am, can I help you?" 

"I need to see Doctor Martin please." 

"There are other doctors on duty, Ma'am, I'm afraid that Doctor Martin isn't in the ER at the moment."

"But he is in the hospital?"

Louise nodded her head.

"Then page him please, I don't want her to see anybody else."  As if on cue the baby in the woman's arms began to cry, and as she did so she also started to cough, violently.

Jesse was coming out of the doctor's lounge when he saw Sally standing at the reception desk just down the hallway. He heard his daughter begin to cry, and he broke into a run.

"Sally, what's the matter?" He could feel his heart beating in his chest as he arrived at his sitter's side.

"Oh, Doctor Travis, this lady wants Doctor Martin to attend to her child. Could you see to it for me, I can't disturb Doctor Martin he is with a patient."

"I can't treat this little girl, nurse. She's my daughter." Jesse smiled and then held out his arms, and Eliana lunged at him and began to cry and cough on her daddy's shoulder.

"Jesse, you need to be careful, every time she coughs she is…" Sally stopped talking as she, Louise and Jesse all heard a noise they recognised. "Sick."

"Oh, great. Eliana, look what you did to Daddy. I knew I shouldn't have given her porridge and toast for breakfast. Ughhh."

Louise realised who the baby's mother was, and she knew that for this patient Alex would want to be paged. "If you will just hold on a moment, Doctor, I will get Doctor Martin for you."

Alex was in the elevator heading back down towards the ER when he heard his pager beeping on his belt. He looked at it, and seeing that he was almost at the required destination he switched it off, and then waited for the doors to open. As he stepped out into the reception area he was met by the unmistakable smell of baby vomit, and he looked straight into the eyes of his goddaughter.

As he moved over into Jesse's line of sight, he heard him begin to speak. "Alex, Eliana is sick, please can you look at her?" Jesse gently moved his daughter from his shoulder and handed her over to his friend. "I'll be back in a moment, I'm just gonna lose this top. Sally will you go in with her?"

"Of course." Eliana's sitter went into the trauma suite, and Jesse headed back towards the locker room, wishing he could peel his shirt off straight away.

By the time he got back, Eliana was sitting on Sally's lap and Alex was checking her over. She seemed quite happy again, although she looked pale. Jesse tapped on the door and seeing Alex nod at him he entered. "Alex, what is the matter with her?"

"She has a mild chest infection, I have given her a dose of Tylenol, and Shannon is just getting her some antibiotics. She will be fine Jess."

"Thank you, Alex, and you, Sally for bringing her in so quickly."

"Not quick enough, she was sick three times before we got here. But she seems a little more cheerful now. I guess she was missing her daddy too." Sally smiled at the two doctors in front of her. She loved looking after Eliana, but she had seen the reaction of the little girl when Jesse had walked down towards them, and Sally knew that for today at least she was second best.

"Jesse, I have an idea, if you agree, I think it may help Rae."

Rae had been sitting looking around at her room, which was just as she knew it would be, all the rooms were the same, except the suite that Texas had been in when they were fighting the pathogen that nearly claimed the lives of most of her friends. As she cast her mind back Rae began to realise that it was childish of her to feel sorry for herself. She had a job she loved, which Alex said she would be able to go back to. Although she couldn't remember the wedding she was apparently married to the man she loved most in the whole world, and they had a child, she was still living in LA, which was where she wanted to be. Life might be a little bleak, but there was plenty in it to look forward to and cherish.

She had just decided to drop her black mood when she saw a shadow pass her window and she realised that her guard had stepped away from her door for a moment. She guessed that she had gone for a toilet break. Rae wasn't worried, none of the women who had been sitting out in the hallway had spoken to her, and so she was hardly going to miss their company for a few minutes. Alex had been as good as his word and had spoken to the nurse on duty on Rae's floor and her eyes dropped back to the magazine she held in her left hand. It was far easier to hold it in her right hand, but she was determined to use both hands as much as she could, as soon as she could. Rae carefully turned the page, and as she did so she heard a sound next to her.

"Well, well, Detective Yeager, and how does it feel to be on the wrong side of the law?" 

The voice was hard and full of menace and Rae turned her head sharply towards the noise, and for a moment was overwhelmed by the pain the movement caused. She cried out, and as she did so felt the call button being pulled out from under her hand. 

"You won't be needing that. Now I suggest that you don't make a sound."

Rae felt the hard cold steel of a knife above her collar and under her chin, and the panic rose to the surface. "Please, what do you want? I don't know who you are."

"You don't know who I am? Oh that's right, deny my existence, just as you made him deny it."

Rae tried to look round to see if the guard had returned, and her assailant pressed the knife harder against her.

"Don't move. All the guard will see is a nurse checking on a patient. If you want to live, you will do just as I say. Understand?"

"No, I don't understand at all. Why are you doing this?" Rae desperately wanted to move, to defend herself in some way, but she couldn't. Her neck and shoulders were so painful that she knew that there was no way she could take this lunatic, and so inhaling as deeply as her injured ribs would allow, she looked into the face of the woman next to her and tried to remember who she was.

Steve had arrived at the hospital hoping to see his dad before he headed into the station. He realised that he hadn't given him a list of the locations of the drive-by shootings, and he wanted his input. He also planned to give a copy to Rae, he knew that she would have the time to ponder his problem, and knowing her she would probably solve it too.

As he walked down the hallway towards his dad's room he heard laughter coming from inside, and with a grin on his face he entered.

"Hey, stinky, how are you this mornin'?" Jo moved over to him. "Today, you can have a kiss." She pulled him towards her and felt his arms wrap round her.

"Much better now I can hear your laughter, mmm, I've missed you."

"Don't you two live in the same house?" Mark looked at the two of them and felt the happiness inside him as he saw the love in both their eyes.

"I went to the beach house last night, just to make sure everything was all right, I watered the plants, brought in the mail, that sort of thing."

"Oh, thanks, Son, I appreciate it. When you get as old and decrepit as I am you need all the help you can get." Mark was talking as if he was about ninety years old, and soon they were all laughing. Mark placed his hand over his wound, he could feel it pulling, but the laughter bubbling out of him was a welcome relief.

Suddenly the happy atmosphere was shattered as the intercom blared for security to go to room 293.

"That's Rae's room. Jo, stay with Dad." Steve drew his gun and raced out, praying that what ever was happening, he wouldn't be too late to stop it.

Rae stared at the woman in front of her, and gradually a memory came to the surface of a tearful nurse who'd had her ass chewed by Steve because she had become friendly with that man. Rae couldn't even think his name anymore. She began to speak, but her voice came out very quietly. "I know who you are."

"Oh, you remember now do you? I should kill you, but it is more fun to watch you suffer. I wonder whether I can get a front row seat for when you get the needle? Killing people is a capital offence in this state."

"I have never killed anybody except in the line of duty, never." Rae could feel the memories trying to force themselves to the front of her mind, and she pushed them back. She knew if she let them out now she would be lost.

"Oh really, how about Lee Tennant, Helen Baxter, and Cameron Posner? Then of course, there are the attacks on Jo Walters and Mark Sloan, you almost killed them too." The voice was getting colder and colder, and Rae could feel the knife as it cut through her skin, and the warm blood as it trickled down her neck and round the collar.

"No, I don't know what you are talking about." Rae could feel herself beginning to lose control, she desperately wanted to scream, surely the guard must be back by now. "Please don't do this. Arghhhhh!" Rae couldn't help but cry out as she felt a fist drive into her ribs and then an agonisingly sharp pain radiated out from the same area.

"Shut up. We only have a few minutes before that brainless guard comes back from the wild goose chase I sent her on. Now, I want you to get that stupid husband of yours up here, and then you can watch him die, just as you did Cameron Posner. I intend to destroy every part of your life, just as you destroyed mine."

As Rae heard those words she was suddenly flooded with images of a dead body on the ground by her car. 

"You killed him, that poor little man who used to see Brian, you stabbed him."

"Of course I did, just like I killed the nurse, and the chef, and everybody thought it was you." The laugh that rang round her room made Rae's blood run cold.

"And Mark, and Texas, you did that too?"

"Oh, they were easy. I heard you tell that stupid old doctor that you would be late for lunch at Bob's, Bob's don't you people ever eat anywhere else? So I just killed Posner, got in my car and went and attacked the old man."

"With my knife?"

"Oh yeah, that was just so easy. You left your purse at that restaurant the night you were there with the cop. God, your husband must be thick, doesn't he realise what is going on between you and him?"

"There is nothing going on between me and him." Rae felt the knife move against her throat again and she stopped talking. 

"I got your smart card and that meant I could get into your street. Without that none of this would have been as convincing.  While I was watching your house a car drew up, and I knew you were having visitors. After a while you came out, I had just finished working on the station wagon and you came round the side of the house. You fiddled around with your plants and so I thought I would have a look around. That woman you call Texas almost caught me when she went out and left the patio doors open but she didn't so I went in, I found some real nice jewellery and then I saw your knives. This is a really good weapon." The voice was quiet, but Rae knew that her attacker was gloating. 

Rae tried to move but it was a mistake.  "Arghhh." Rae could do nothing but cry out as the knife was drawn across her throat.

"So that was everybody, three dead, one survived a road accident, and unfortunately one survived a stabbing."

"They have never hurt anyone, how could you do these things?"

"Because you had Phil arrested and then he was killed. You ruined my life, and now I am doing the same to you. Everybody that you were nice to I killed. Nobody will believe you when you tell them what I have said, and I will make sure I am never caught. I just have Doctor Travis left and then I will leave you to your fate."

Just as she was about to try to call out she heard her name being called and she froze once again.

"Rae, Honey, you have a visitor."

Alex had walked carefully down the hallway, and had been surprised to see that the guard had moved from Rae's door. He was immensely relieved. Rae wasn't going anywhere, and he knew that once she realised that the woman had gone she would be more relaxed. 

Alex smiled, as he got closer to the door, he hoped that what he was about to do wouldn't be too much for Rae, but he had a feeling that it could provide her with the link to the past that she so desperately needed. He opened the door calling out as he did so. "Rae, Honey, you have a visitor."

Rae felt the pressure of the knife disappear as her assailant turned towards the sound of the voice. "You, I was coming for you next. How dare you ignore me, and go out with somebody else. You will pay for that."

Rae looked on in horror as the woman advanced on her friend. She tried to press the call button but remembered that it had gone. In despair she began to call out for someone to help her, but she was shocked into silence as she watched the scene unfold in front of her.

"What are you doing in here?" Alex tried to move back towards the door, but he was cut off, and as he turned again to put some distance between him and his attacker, he felt a sudden sharp red hot sensation and his arms went limp as he dropped his surprise for Rae, and then he knew nothing else.

Rae was suddenly jerked back to life, and as she realised who it was Alex had with him, she saw her disappear out into the hallway, and she began to scream out. "Ana, help me, please, somebody, she has taken Ana! She tried to take a breath to call out again, but it was so painful that she couldn't speak any longer."

Officer Simpkins came rushing down the hallway as she heard a noise. She had been holding on the phone for just over ten minutes for a call from her warden. When she had finally managed to speak to somebody the other end, no one had known what she was talking about. Feeling a sudden cold dread take her over she raced back to her post, just in time to hear a voice calling out in an almost hysterical way.

"…she has taken Ana!"

The officer rushed into Detective Yeager's room, and was horrified to find the body of the young doctor on the floor, a knife sticking out of his chest, and blood pooling around him. The police officer was lying on the bed, blood pouring down over her collar and then down her front, trying desperately to reach the phone on the wall. Ms Simpkins picked up the receiver, but to her dismay it was dead. "Where is your call button?" She looked at Rae, but it was obvious that she was not responding to her. The officer took her by the shoulders, shook her and to her horror the woman in the bed screamed in agony.

"Arghhhhhh, no, please don't, arghhhhh!" Rae didn't think she could take any more. She had just seen her daughter taken from her, she could feel the blood rushing down from her throat, and now someone was causing her whole body to be flooded with pain. As she cried out, she felt the merciful presence of blackness as it surrounded her.

By the time Steve arrived outside Rae's room he could see a gurney being rushed into the room, and he moved over towards the prison officer, who was sitting outside the door oblivious to it all.

"I'm Lieutenant Steve Sloan, LAPD, what is going on here?"

"I only went to answer the phone, that's all I did, I just answered the phone."

Steve heard the sound of the gurney being moved backwards, and as he expected to see his partner being wheeled away, he was shocked to see the almost grey face of Alex under a mask instead. As he watched he saw Jesse come running from the other end of the hallway.

"Steve, what happened? My God, Alex. Steve, where is Eliana? Alex had Eliana with him, where is she?"

"Ana, she took Ana, that's what the Detective said, she took Ana!"

Jesse went as white as a sheet and sank down the wall to the floor where he sat hugging his knees.

"Rae, only Rae ever calls her Ana, where is she?" Jesse's voice was urgent and full of panic. He looked over at the prison officer and saw her just raise her arm and point into Rae's room. He rushed in, stopping for just a second in the doorway. "Steve, the guard is going into shock, get a gurney up and take her down to the ER, I'll see to Rae."

Rae was lying in the bed, and a nurse was just finishing the initial treatment of her wound.  First of all he wasn't sure if she was conscious or not, but as he moved closer the nurse turned to him.

"She has just come round, Doctor Travis, she was unconscious when I began to treat her. I am worried about her breathing, which is very uneven, could you listen for me?

Jesse nodded, and took the stethoscope from the nurse. He could hear Rae talking quietly, but it was obvious what she was saying. It was just the one word over and over, "Ana, Ana."

"Rae?" Jesse moved a little closer, and the nurse stepped slightly away, as she did so she pressed the final gauze pad to the wound on the woman's neck, who she knew was married to the doctor now treating her.

"Jesse?"

"Shhh, I just need to listen for a moment, then we'll talk." Jesse put the stethoscope on Rae's chest, and he could hear the unmistakable sounds of a punctured lung. He turned to the nurse. "I need a ventilator in here, 100% oxygen, some Betadine, I need a 14 gauge large bore angiocath, and I want the equipment for a blood transfusion, the details are on her chart. I need chest tubes two of them; no make it three, just in case. And I want a water seal and a vacuum device."

"Three tubes?" Steve had come into the room as he heard Jesse shouting instructions.

"She has a punctured lung, there are chances of a haemothorax as well as the pneumothorax, and I don't want to have to send for more supplies once I start work on her."

"You are gonna do this here?" Steve looked on in astonishment.

"If I don't, Steve, she could be dead before I get her to the OR. Nurse, go get those supplies."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Steve, I need you to keep your hand on Rae's neck, press hard, you have to stop the bleeding." Jesse didn't look up; he knew that his friend would do as he was told.

Rae began to speak, slowly, and painfully. "Oh, God, Jesse, I remembered, I remembered it all, and then that woman, she took her, she took Ana."  Rae began to cry then, hysterical sobs, which shook her pain racked body making her breathing more uneven, and Steve could feel the warmth of the blood underneath his hand. Jesse moved as close as possible, and then with a heavy heart, he took Rae gently into his arms and as he cradled her let her weep just for a moment.

Steve stood, and surveyed the scene. He needed to speak to Rae, so that he could get an APB out for her daughter, but he wasn't sure if she was up to it. Jesse had called for all that equipment, and he knew that even though Rae was conscious her condition was serious. He rested his phone on the side of the bed, and with one hand called the station and let them know that Eliana had been snatched, and that she was with an unknown Caucasian female. He told the dispatch officer that if they sent someone up to his desk there was a photo there that they could use for identification purposes. He then contacted hospital security to get the hospital locked down tight. Once he had done everything he could think of he leant over and placed his free hand on Jesse's shoulder.

"Jess, I need to speak to Rae, I know it isn't a good time, but it has to be now."

Jesse moved slightly and spoke softly to his wife. "Rae, Honey, you need to tell Steve what happened. Can you do that?"

Rae looked up into the worried eyes of her partner, and she knew that before she said anything else, she had to tell him something. "Steve, I didn't stab your dad, I promise."

"Oh, Rae, I know you didn't. But I think that you know who did don't you?"

"She stabbed Alex, and he …" Rae had to force the tears back as she concentrated on breathing. It was getting more and more difficult to get air into her lungs, but she knew that before that could be dealt with she had to tell them what happened. She watched as Jesse got up off the bed, and she tried to ignore Steve's hand on her neck.

She began to speak again, and the words were coming in gasps now. "Alex had… Eliana in his arms… he … had …brought her… to visit me, she stabbed him, and he… dropped her, I … heard her… scream out… and then she… was … she was gone." This time the tears overwhelmed her. "Steve… pl… ease… get …her… back, she …took our baby." Rae tried to take in a deep breath, she was running out of air, but she couldn't do it. "Jesse… I …can't breathe…" 

Steve and Jesse watched in horror as she seemed to sink back into the pillows, and her breathing became so shallow that they could hardly hear it.


	23. 23 Stolen Dreams

When I started to write this story it was supposed to be completed on here by Christmas, well as you can see I didn't quite make it! Christmas is mentioned on and off throughout the rest of this story but it isn't a vital part of it. If you are heartily sick of the festive season, I hope you will forgive me. Stolen Dreams 

Mark and Jo stayed close, and gained comfort from holding each other's hand. But in the end Mark could contain himself no longer.

"Jo, Honey, can you go and see if there is anything you can find out?"

"Sure, Mark, but I will come back in ten minutes whether I have found anythin' or not, I won't leave you hangin'."

"Thank you, Sweetie, I'll see you in ten then." Mark rested his head back against the pillows and shut his eyes. His whole body ached to get out of the bed and rush to help his friends, but for the first time he was unable to do so. On this occasion he would have to content himself with the assistance he could give from a hospital bed.

Jo rushed to the elevator and up to Rae's floor, and the whole time her brain was working on all the terrible things that could have happened. As the doors opened she could see that it was a hive of activity. She could just glimpse Steve on his cell phone in Rae's room, and as she began to move closer to him she could see a nurse hurrying in towards Jesse.

As Jo looked in through the door she saw Jesse pull on a pair of latex gloves, swab an area on Rae's chest, and then make an incision. Jo took in a deep breath. Although she had no idea what had happened to her friend she knew that she wouldn't be able to find out yet. Part of her wanted to go, to return to Mark, but she couldn't drag herself away from what she was watching. Steve had put his phone away, and so she moved across, and without a word took hold of her fiancé's hand, she could see that his other hand, which had the same type of glove on it as Jesse, was pressed down on Rae's neck, and her blood was on his fingers. As Jo looked a little closer she could see that Rae's neck brace had been undone to give Steve a little more room. He turned to look at her, and for a moment their eyes met, and then they both turned back to look at what was happening before them.

"Nurse, I need the angiocath, and I also need complete silence." Although Jesse wasn't speaking very loudly, the whole floor seemed to fall quiet. Jo watched as Jesse inserted the catheter and as he did so she heard the sound of a rush of air. Jesse looked satisfied, turned to the nurse and handed back the needle he had used with the angiocath. "Lidocaine" He held his hand out, knowing that the nurse would give him what he needed. 

Once Jesse had anaesthetized the area where he had made the first incision he began to make a larger cut, and Jo saw the nurse begin to swab away the blood that spurted from it. The next instrument that Jesse was given was pushed into the incision, and Jo could see that he was using a little more force now than he had been. Jesse kept a finger over where he was working, and she could also see that he wasn't finished yet. Slowly he inserted his finger into the hole he had made, and as she watched Jo saw the absolute concentration on Jesse's face. "I need the chest tube now." Jesse kept his finger inside Rae's chest cavity and began to slowly slide the tube down the side of it.  The nurse passed a water seal to the doctor, and placed the vacuum device that he would soon need next to him.  Jesse began to attach that to the tube and then as he watched what was being expelled he turned back to the nurse. "There is too much blood coming out of here, let me have another chest tube."

Jo couldn't believe that Jesse was going to do the whole thing again, but as she watched he did just that. This time the tube was inserted slightly differently, and as Jo watched she could see that more blood was being expelled. "Sutures." Jesse began to close the wounds, and then once he had finished that he handed over to the nurse so that she could apply the dressings which consisted of a shiny looking gauze pad, and a final covering.

Jesse stood up and stretched his back. He looked into the face of his wife, and he could see that she was very pale, and her breathing was still compromised. He lifted the mask for a second, and placed a gentle kiss on her lips and then as she began to breath again with the aid of the machine he let out a gasp as he saw the amount of blood that had come through the gauze on her throat and over the back of Steve's hand. Very carefully he lifted the patch up, and Jesse could see that there was a nasty wound underneath that was still bleeding freely.

"Ok, I want another suture kit and some more Betadine and Lidocaine in here, STAT, and then I need to get her to x-ray."

"Yes, Doctor," the nurse left the room again, and Jesse sank down into the chair next to Rae, pulled his gloves off and placed his head in his hands. Steve who hadn't moved from the head of the bed for the whole of the procedure leant closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Jess?"

"Steve? Oh, God, how much more can she take?" Jesse felt his eyes fill with tears and he brushed them away, then he looked up and saw Jo.

"Jesse, what happened?"

"I don't really know. Somebody stabbed Alex, and … and they took Eliana."

"Oh, God, Jesse, no." In her worst nightmare nothing as bad as this had come to mind. "An' Rae? What was so serious that you had to operate on her in her room?"

"She has a punctured lung and her throat has been cut, I had to do that here, because I didn't think she would survive long enough to get to the OR."

"An' Alex, you said he had been stabbed." Jo was having trouble taking in everything that was being said to her.

"Wil is operating on him now. But it will be touch and go. He was stabbed in the chest."

Jo turned to face Steve and felt his arm go round her and pull her closer to him. Her emotions rushed to the surface, but she had no words to express them, a sob escaped her, and Steve held her a little tighter still.

"Shhh, Honey, it'll be all right. Wil is a good doctor, and Rae will be fine now." Steve turned to his friend; to make sure what he was saying was right.

Jesse had his stethoscope out and was listening to Rae's breathing. Both Steve and Jo saw him relax just a little as he did so. "She sounds slightly better."

"Oh, thank God, Jesse." Steve felt himself breath a little easier.

Jesse seemed to pull himself together, and after pulling on a new pair of gloves he placed his own hand over the wound and Steve moved out of his friend's way. As he did so the nurse returned to the room, and they could see that apart from the items that she had been asked to bring she was carrying something else.

"Lieutenant Sloan? I found this in the elevator." She had a small sock in her hand and as she showed it to Steve, Jesse let out another gasp.

"What, Jesse, what is it?" Steve looked round in concern.

"I put that pair on Eliana this morning." Jesse began to work on Rae's throat; he had to shut his mind to the little piece of clothing that the nurse was still holding.

Jo checked her watch as she watched Jesse working on Rae once again. She really didn't want to leave Mark any longer than she had said she would, and she was amazed to see that Jesse's whole procedure had taken just over five minutes.  "Steve, I have to get back."

Steve suddenly realised that she was in an area that was off limits to all but the police. "Jo, what are you doing up here? More to the point how did you get up here? This is supposed to be sealed off except for a limited number of hospital or LAPD personnel."

"I just got in the elevator on your daddy's floor an' came up. Sorry." Jo didn't know why she felt she had to apologise, but she did.

"I guess it's too late to worry about it now, and I was glad you were here." Steve realised as he spoke just how delighted he actually was. "Let me get rid of this glove and wash my hands and then can you come and sit a minute?" As soon as Steve had finished washing he moved out into the hallway and as he sat down the desperate nature of the situation overwhelmed him for a moment and he rested his head in his hands. "Oh, Jo."

"Honey, just tell me what happened. Jesse said that Alex had been stabbed, Rae has a punctured lung, an', an', Eliana is gone." Jo grasped his hand in hers, and held onto it recognising it as the lifeline that it was. "Rae can't even remember her baby, an' now she may never have a chance to see her." This time the tears began to fall, and Jo could do nothing to stop them. She turned her head into Steve's body, and began to weep on his shoulder.

Sally had watched Alex head off toward the elevator with Eliana, and she had stayed and spoken with Jesse for a while longer. He had decided that he would follow Alex after about five minutes so that he could see if Rae had recognised their daughter, and then as she was feeling poorly he would take her back home, and return to work when she was feeling better.

As she had the rest of the day to herself, Sally decided to go and finish her Christmas shopping. She had sat in the ER going over her list, and now she was walking through to her car in the parking lot. As she moved through to where she had left her own vehicle she saw a young woman in front of her with the posture of somebody carrying a small child. Sally smiled and watched the woman juggle her keys and the infant as she tried to open the door of her car. She could see that the child had lost one sock, and hoped that its mom would have something in the car to keep the little foot warm.

As Sally turned and walked over towards her own vehicle she heard the child cry out, and her blood froze. She knew that the baby crying was Eliana, and suddenly spurred into action she turned and ran back the way she had come.

"Hey, you, come here." Sally realised she had no idea what to call out, and she kept on running, but the distance between them didn't seem to get any smaller. As she finally got within reach of her charge, the car roared into life, and Sally could only stand there and watch in horror, her eyes fixed on Eliana screaming her head off in the front of the car, only fastened in by an adult seat belt. As the car began to move away Sally realised she should try and see the driver, but all she could say for absolute certain was that the car had a brown haired woman driver.

Shannon was running the desk in the ER, and was not happy about it. She had been working in the trauma suites with Alex, and the day had been moving very pleasantly along. Then Louise had taken her break, and not returned. She guessed that she shouldn't be surprised. Most of the nurses in this hospital worked hard, studied hard and played hard, and then there was Louise, who didn't seem to do any of those things. It wasn't the first time that Shannon had had to cover for Nurse Willis, and to tell the truth she was getting very fed up with it. This time she was determined that friend or no friend; she was going to take it up with the nursing supervisor. Shannon was just about to put the call through when the doors to the ER were flung open, and Sally came rushing in.

"She's taken the baby, my God, you need to call 911, a woman has taken Doctor Travis's baby." 

Shannon moved quickly round the desk and placed her arms around the distraught woman. "Ma'am, come and sit down, and tell me slowly what has happened."

"I went to my car, and I saw her, a woman with a baby, and then the baby began to cry. I'm her sitter, I recognised the cry, it was Eliana. Somebody has taken Eliana …" Sally's words began to fade and she started to shake, and Shannon was relieved to see one of the doctor's come out of a trauma suite at just the right time.

"Doctor, could you please take care of this lady, I need to get hold of Doctor Travis or Doctor Martin."

The young man in front of Shannon was a new doctor; he'd only been working in the ER for three days. "I don't know where Doctor Travis is, but a message just came down that Doctor Martin is in the OR. There was an incident in a Detective Yeager's room?" The doctor paused for a moment; the names weren't familiar to him. "Doctor Martin was attacked, as was the detective… Nurse, are you all right?" 

Shannon felt the strength leave her legs, and she slumped down in the seat next to Sally. "How do you know that?" The doctor was about to reply but Shannon just kept on talking. "Alex. What's wrong with Alex?"

At that moment the elevator doors slid open, and Amanda came rushing out. Shannon, recognising her, jumped back to her feet. "Doctor Bentley, what is going on?"

"Mark… Doctor Sloan called through to me because there was an emergency in Rae's room. I don't know what…"

"Someone took Doctor Travis's baby, and I just heard that Alex was hurt."

"Ok, did you call 911?" Amanda tried to keep a control on her emotions; she knew that now wasn't the time to be anything but strong. 

"No, I was just going to, but Sally needed to sit down."

"Sally?"

 "I'm sorry, Sally is Eliana's sitter."

Amanda had moved over to the nurse's station and had the phone in her hand. She dialled the number for Steve's cell phone, and waited for it to be answered.

Steve was explaining quickly to Jo what had happened when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Honey, hold on… Sloan, here… Amanda… I know… what? I'll be right down…I'm in the hospital now … yeah, I'll meet you in there."

Amanda put the phone down and moved back over towards the two shocked women in front of her. "Ok, we need to wait in the doctor's lounge for Lieutenant Sloan, he's coming down for a statement.

The three ladies went off down the hallway together, and a very confused new doctor turned and headed towards the nurse's station. As he did so he called over to one of the ladies who had been assisting him. "Nurse, could you please take the desk for a while?" Then shaking his head slightly, he went back to his trauma suite.

Steve left Jo and headed down to see Amanda and Shannon and Jo walked slowly back towards Mark's room, she didn't take the elevator, because she needed to get her thoughts in order, so that she could tell her friend what had happened without distressing him too much. As she walked Jo could see people carrying on the usual business of the hospital, and she wondered when her life would be able to return to normal.

Mark's door still seemed to arrive in front of her way too quickly; she took a deep breath and then entered the room. "Mark, I'm sorry I was longer than I said I would be, are you asleep?" Jo half hoped that he would be, but she knew realistically that it would only be putting off the inevitable if that were the case.

"No, Honey, I'm just lying here trying not to think of all the terrible things that could have happened to Rae, she has a guard outside her door, so it couldn't be too bad, could it?"

Jo realised that there had been no prison guard in the hallway while she was there, and for a moment wondered where she had been. Then she pulled herself away from that image and sat next to Mark.

"What's happened is really bad, Mark. There is no way I can sugar coat it, so I'll have to just tell you."

Mark looked over at the young woman sitting next to him. He loved her very much, and was delighted that some day she would marry his son. As he saw the distress in her face he turned slightly in the bed and pulled her close to him.

Jo took the welcoming reassurance for a few minutes, but then she pulled gently away from him. "I have to tell you, Mark, because if I don't it will be harder an' harder to start." Jo took a deep breath, and began to let Mark know how desperate their lives had just become.

By the time she had driven for fifteen minutes Eliana's screaming was driving the woman completely nuts. She turned off down a side road and headed out of the main Los Angeles area. Twenty minutes later she found a small motel and pulled up outside the office. She grabbed the child from the seat next to her and headed inside.

"I'd like a room for a couple of nights."

"Just you and the baby is it?" the woman behind the desk looked over at the screaming infant and shook her head. "Is she all right, she seems mighty upset?"

"She's just hungry, I'll go and get her some food in a little while. We left in a hurry, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, right, man trouble, huh?" the woman was rewarded with a small nod, and she took a key from the hooks behind her. "This is a little out of the way of the other rooms, but I can't have her disturbing my guests. It costs a dollar less a night, I can have a crib put in for you, but that will be three dollars extra a night." The receptionist put a key with the number twelve on it down in front of her.

"Yeah, whatever. Where is the nearest store so I can get some baby food and diapers?"

"There is a 7-Eleven just down the block a ways. That do you?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you."

"I'll need a deposit from you. One night's rental."

"I'll go to the ATM machine while I'm out, ok?"

"Well you make sure you do." The woman took the key back off the counter. "You can pick this up on your way back."

Steve had got from Rae's room to the doctor's lounge in record time, he knew that he needed to go see his dad too, but he had to speak to Shannon, Sally and Amanda first. He wasn't thinking of anything but the matter at hand and he began to talk before he was properly in the room.

"Amanda, I need you to run a check on the knife when they pull it out of Alex."

"Steve!" Amanda got hurriedly to her feet, as she heard Shannon gasp next to her.

As he spoke Steve realised that he had said the wrong thing. "Shannon, it is Shannon isn't it?" He saw the young woman nod and continued. "I am so sorry." Steve moved over towards her, and then crouched down in front of her. "Alex is in surgery now, Doctor Collins is with him, he's a good doctor, he'll be all right." Steve hoped with all his heart that what he was saying would be true, but there had been an awful lot of blood on the floor of Rae's room, and he knew that it all belonged to his young friend. "Shannon, do you know about Eliana?" The young nurse nodded her head. "You saw her didn't you?"  She carried on nodding. "I need you to give me a description of what she was wearing, can you do that?"

"I can, I saw the woman who took her. Only for a second, but I can give you a brief description of her." 

"And you are?"

"My name is Sally, I'm Eliana's sitter." Sally swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Then seeing Steve ready with his pad she and Shannon began by describing how Eliana had looked the last time they had seen her.

Cheryl was pacing the floor waiting for a copy of the flyer with Eliana's picture on it, and the description of the kidnapper, and she was also half listening to the Captain through the open door to his office. He was trying to get it across to the journalists sitting around his desk that even though his officer had been charged with murder that shouldn't be mentioned in the release about Eliana.

"Just listen to me for a moment, and then you can speak, but this is urgent. I want it out in the next issue of all your papers. Detective Yeager and Doctor Travis's daughter Eliana was snatched from Community General Hospital about two hours ago. She is eight months old, and according to the nurse on duty there was wearing a pair of pink dungarees, and a white t-shirt. She also had a deep pink fleecy jacket, but that was left at the hospital and will be used for the K-9's to hopefully track her.  You all have a picture of Eliana, which we understand is about two weeks old, so it is fairly current. She has brown hair and eyes. Now, has everybody got all of that?"

Captain Newman looked around the room and saw nods and pencils rushing across paper. Gradually the pencils stopped and all the heads looked up at him. He could see that every person in the room was just itching to ask him something.

"Ok, now, I don't have time for a long question and answer session, so I will start at the left side of the room, work my way round, one question each. Anybody asks more than that and I will terminate this meeting, understood?" There was a row of nods, and the journalist on the far left of the group sat up a little straighter. With six people asking one question each they all knew that there would be a reasonably good story to be had, so were pleased to go along with the Captain just this once.

"Right, you." Newman looked at the first woman in the room.

"Why was the child at the hospital?"

"She has a chest infection, and had just been prescribed medication for it. Nothing serious, but I guess it could get a lot worse quite quickly if she doesn't start taking her antibiotics. Next."

"Who was looking after the child when she was taken?"

"One of the doctor's at the hospital. He is undergoing emergency surgery as we speak. He didn't give her up without a fight." The Captain was determined not to lay the blame at anyone's door, not yet anyway.

"Do you have a description of the person who took her?"

"Female, quite short, brown hair… the rest of the description is on the flyer you will be issued with before you leave. Ah, ah." The Captain looked at the man who had asked the question, and could see that he was just itching to ask another one.

The next journalist looked down to see what the man next to her was quickly writing, and immediately changed her question. "That sounds like the description you had of the stabber… before Detective Yeager was charged."

"Yes, it does, doesn't it?" Newman had no intention of going there. If they made assumptions and were wrong he could always deny it later.

"What should people do if they think they have seen her?" The next journalist was new on the job, and this was his first interview with the Captain. A groan went up as the other people in the room realised that a question had been wasted.

Captain Newman smiled, "They should dial 911 and leave the information with despatch. Under no circumstances approach this woman. We don't want to frighten her off and lose the child." _Again._ The Captain felt badly for Reagan, and wanted to get her baby back at all costs.

"How does Detective Yeager feel about the loss of her child?"

"Detective Yeager is currently also receiving emergency treatment, so I'm afraid I can't answer that question… Now ladies and gentlemen, I am sure you will realise that I have to close this session. Thank you for your patience. We will issue regular updates on the situation." The journalists realising that the Captain wasn't going to change his one question each rule, stood up and began to leave the room. Newman moved round his desk and picked up his jacket. Now he had to go and do the same thing again for the television crews waiting downstairs.

The atmosphere in the OR was extremely tense. All the staff on duty there knew that Doctor Martin was fighting for his life in the theatre where Doctor Collins was working. When word came down to them that Doctor Travis's daughter had been kidnapped as well, the whole department descended into an uneasy silence.

Doctor Collins felt as if he had been barking out instructions for days rather than the last few hours. When he had first received the call to work on Doctor Martin he had been on his way to get a bite to eat, now he knew that it would be long past dinner time before he would even have the chance to get a drink. 

The initial examination of Doctor Martin had confirmed that he needed to be in the OR as soon as possible. Alex had been through x-ray on the way there, and when Doctor Collins had called for a FAST examination and found the nurse in front of him staring like a rabbit in his headlights, he had found himself shouting,  "Focused Abdominal Sonography in Trauma, F.A.S.T. examination. And surprise, surprise, it needs to be done, fast!" The poor nurse had scuttled off to get things prepared, and he'd had to count to ten and try to relax before continuing his exam.

Once the tests were underway and Alex had been put on a ventilator, typed and cross-matched for transfusion purposes, and he felt slightly more in control of the situation, Wil had begun to relax just a little. Soon Alex was lying in front of him, and he could see that the young man was almost grey. Wil cleared his throat, and the whole room became a study in silence. "Ok, people, you know who is on the table, and we are all going to do our damndest to make sure he survives. The patient has a penetrating cardiac trauma; there is considerable damage to the heart. I need to remove the weapon… and nurse." Wil turned to the nearest nurse. "This will need to be taken straight to Doctor Bentley. You will go to her lab, with one of the police guards from outside here, and then wait for her to arrive."

"Yes, Doctor." Although it had seemed impossible just a moment before, the room seemed to grow even tenser. "I have spoken with Doctor Parsons, the cardiothoracic surgeon, and he will be joining us… He was on the golf course."

"But I am here now Doctor." Doctor Parsons came into the room and then everybody held their breath as Doctor Collins carefully removed the knife that was still protruding from Alex's chest, and then as it was taken away the whole room swung into action to get the procedures up and running to keep him alive.

"From the echocardiogram the heart itself has been damaged. I want complete silence while I try to repair this unless I say otherwise." Doctor Parsons moved over next to his colleague and between them they began to try to save the life of the young man in their care.

While Doctor Collins was working under incredible pressure in his OR, Jesse had taken Rae to x-ray so that he could look at how her lung was responding to the procedure he had undertaken. He knew that she would be on the critical list for a few days yet, and as he watched the ventilator breathing for her, he also knew that once again she was going to wake up in terror. The mask hadn't been giving her enough air, and so reluctantly, once Rae had been taken to a new private room in the ICU, he'd had to have a throat tube inserted.

From the x-rays Jesse could tell that the punctured lung had collapsed almost completely by the time he had started to work on Rae, her heart had been bruised, and he knew that she would be in considerable pain from her new injuries as well as the brachial plexus injury. Without the ventilator Jesse was sure that she wouldn't still be alive, and once again he said a silent prayer for the safety of the woman he loved.

Steve had headed down to Amanda's lab as soon as Shannon and Sally had given him the descriptions of both what Eliana had been wearing and the kidnapper. He had sent the details through to Cheryl immediately and told her that he would handle things this end.  He was extremely worried about his goddaughter, but he knew that as soon as she received the details Cheryl would get on it and everybody on duty there would be looking out for her. He needed to find out about the weapon used to attack Alex and Rae. If it was the same one as that used on the three murder victims then he knew that Rae would be home free.

Amanda had left the doctor's lounge once Shannon and Sally started talking to Steve, she had been working for just over an hour when Steve walked in, and as soon as she looked up he knew. "It's the murder weapon isn't it?"

"Oh yeah, one of them, no doubt about it. For a start there was new and old blood on it."

"How can you tell that? And what do you mean, one of them?" 

"Well, the old patches had discoloured, also this is an unusual knife, and the wounds were unusual too, but Lee Tennant wasn't killed with this knife.

"What? Amanda… but I thought all three murders were committed by the same person."

"They probably were, the M.O. is the same, we just have two different murder weapons, one of which was an ordinary knife, and resulted in a very regular stab wound, the second is this very original knife, but then I bought it to be out of the ordinary."

"What?"

"Steve, this is one of the set Ron and I bought for Rae and Jesse for a wedding present. They were expensive, beautiful and unusual knives. Not that we told the press that, as you know. This knife has a serrated edge, and in each little individual tip there is a slight hook, that has marked the skin in such a way as to make it very distinctive, also there is a split up the middle of the blade so that it can be placed on its stand.  This knife matches the pictures I took from all the victims. And obviously it matches Alex." Amanda paused for a moment as they both thought about their young friend, who they knew was in a critical condition right now.

"I'll get onto the station and let Cheryl know about the knife… Thank you Amanda, at least now when Rae comes round, if she does remember everything, like she said she did, we can tell her that it is over… At least this part is."

By the time Alex had been taken to the ICU it had been six hours since he had been attacked. There had been no news from the OR for the whole time he was in surgery, all anybody knew was that he was still alive, just. He was settled in the room next to Rae, taken off the mobile ventilator and attached to the one in the room, and a police guard was put on both doors. 

Steve was heading out of the hospital on his way back to the station. He had visited with his dad and Jo for a few moments, and he had promised to come back in a couple of hours when his shift ended so that he could take Jo and drive round the area to see if there was anything that would give them a clue to where Eliana had gone. As he walked past the door to the doctor's lounge, he saw Shannon still sitting there with two of her friends, and they seemed to be arguing. He opened the door and went in. "Shannon, is there a problem here?"

"Oh, Lieutenant Sloan, I was just about to come and see you."

"Shannon you can't." Steve didn't know the young nurse sitting next to Shannon, but he knew that she didn't want him to hear what Shannon had to say.

"Katie, I have to. I know who has Eliana." Once she had said those words Shannon knew that her friends couldn't stop her.

"Who, Shannon, who is it?" Steve felt as if the world had just stopped turning as he waited impatiently for the young woman in front of him to speak.

"Her name is Louise Willis."


	24. 24 Treasured Memories

Treasured Memories 

Louise came out of the 7-Eleven with a tin of formula, three jars of baby food, and a headache. The child never stopped screaming, and she had been sick twice already. She looked further down the line of shops and saw just what she wanted, a baby clothes store. Hoisting Eliana up a little further on her hip she moved towards the door in between the cheerful and brightly decorated windows.

"May I help you, you seem to have your hands full?" 

Louise jumped, as an assistant seemed to descend on her. "Well, if I could just leave my groceries with you?"

"Of course." The lady smiled at Eliana, "Hi, Sweetie, you look fed up with shopping."

"She is, but we are nearly finished now." Louise was desperate to get away from this woman, she didn't want anybody to realise who she had with her. They walked away, over to where the baby clothes section was signposted, and the assistant moved off and began to speak with another new customer.

It didn't take Louise long to choose what she wanted, and once she had paid she grabbed her bags and left quickly. Eliana had been quiet while they were inside in the warm, but as soon as she felt the cold air on her face she began to cry again. Louise kept walking and muttering, but she didn't look at the child or try to comfort her in any way.

Jesse had been sitting with Alex since he had been brought up from the OR, in a silent room apart from the machines that were beeping and bipping. Rae was still unconscious, and he knew that she wouldn't be coming out of the sedation until at least the morning. He also knew that Alex wouldn't be aware of him either, but he just felt so guilty about how the young doctor had gotten injured that he needed to be there with him.

"Alex, I don't know if you can hear me, but I am so sorry about this. I have no idea who did this to you, but Steve will find out, he will get her, and then maybe our lives can start to get better again." As Jesse began to talk he at last let his daughter into his thoughts, and suddenly overwhelmed by what had happened he knew he just had to get out of ICU for a while before he went mad.

Amanda had finished her work, and, after speaking with Doctor Collins she headed back down to the doctor's lounge. As she had thought Shannon was still sitting in there, and she was glad to see that two of her friends were with her. "Shannon, Honey, I just spoke to Doctor Collins, if you would like you can come with me and sit with Alex for a while."

The young nurse was on her feet in an instant. "Oh, Amanda, thank you. Thank you so much. Mary, Katie, I'll see you later." She turned to her friends and they hugged each other tightly. "Thank you for staying with me."

"Shan, you knew we would, any time, just call, ok?" Amanda wasn't sure which nurse was which, but she was glad that Shannon had some close friends to call on, from what Doctor Collins had told her, she was going to need them over the next few days and weeks.

The two women headed towards the elevator together, and rode up in silence. When the doors opened on the floor where the ICU was Amanda went to leave, but stopped as she saw Shannon still standing as she had for the entire journey, in the corner of the elevator, almost unable to move.

"Amanda, I'm scared to go and see him. I haven't been with him for very long, but he … he means a lot to me, I can't believe this has happened."

"Honey, come on, come out of here, and we can sit outside his room and you can go in when you are ready. If you would like you can sit with Rae for a while first, just to get you used to it."

"I've worked in the ICU, when I was training, but it's… it's different when it's someone you … someone you care for, isn't it?"

Amanda nodded. She had been in Shannon's position too, many times in her life, and she could understand exactly how the young woman felt. "You just have to do what you can for the person who's ill, there's no other way. We all deal with the trauma of it as best we can, and you will find what suits you, but for now, Alex needs you, you have to be there for him. Can you do that?"

Slowly Shannon nodded her head, and taking a deep breath began to move towards his door. There was a two-man guard, and they both looked at her, as she got closer.

"My name is Shannon Farley… I'm Doctor Martin's girlfriend."

"Oh, yes, Ma'am, you're on our list. You can go in. Doctor Bentley, are you going in as well?"

"Just for a moment, and then I will probably see Doctor Travis in Detective Yeager's room."

"He isn't in here at the moment, I think he left." The officer on the door to Rae's room looked over.

Amanda was a little concerned by what she heard, but she needed to make sure that Shannon was all right first, so she followed her in and watched as she slowly moved over and sat next to Alex. 

Shannon looked at the face of her boyfriend, and was heartened to see that it was quite a healthy colour. He was lying almost too still, and she could see the dressing that stretched across the middle part of his chest. There was livid bruising radiating out from the patch that covered his wound, and she remembered what Steve had said about them having to remove the knife from his upper body. The tears began to flow down her cheeks as she thought back to the lessons she had taken on penetrating trauma wounds, and she knew just how hard it would have been for them to take the weapon out. That must have been when the bruising occurred. Shannon felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked up into the concerned face of Amanda.

"Shannon, do you want me to stay with you? Rae is still sedated next door, so I can if you would like."

The nurse wasn't able to speak, all the emotions of the day were welling up inside her, and even though she didn't know the doctor with her very well, she knew that she cared and would help her. With a sob she turned and felt Amanda's welcoming presence as she took her into a hug.

Jesse had walked out of the ICU not really knowing where he was going to go, and before long he found that his feet had taken him to Mark's room. He hadn't seen Mark since he had operated on him, and tapping on the door he poked his head round.

"Jesse, Honey, is everythin' all right?" Jo was over by his side in a heartbeat. 

"I just needed to get away from all of it for a while. I'm sorry, I shouldn't… I'll go back."

"Jess, no, come and sit down, you must be exhausted and worried to death." Mark smiled at him. He could see that Jesse was almost at breaking point, he knew that Alex had only just released him from the hospital, and now he was back up to his neck in worry and horror once again.

"Mark, I'm sorry, how are you feeling?" Jesse pushed the images of his daughter to the back of his mind. The only way he could deal with not knowing where she was, was to not think about her at all.

"Not too bad. I think Wil is gonna release me into Michael's loving care tomorrow."

"Oh, good, good." Jesse was speaking absently as he ran his eyes over the chart at the end of the bed. "Oh, my God, Mark!"

"What, what's the matter, Jesse?" Mark was instantly concerned by the tone of voice of his friend and colleague.

"They had to operate again, I missed the cut on your colon, Mark… you could have died." Jesse's voice came out as a whisper, and he sank down into the nearest chair, it was the final straw as far as Jesse was concerned, and, even with his head in his hands, both of his friends could see that he was sobbing, almost uncontrollably.

Jo looked over to Mark for a second and then she moved over and took Jesse into her arms. As she tried to comfort him, Mark got slowly and gingerly out of his bed. It was only the second time he had been on his feet since the operation. The first had only finished about five minutes before Jesse had arrived for his visit

"Jesse?" As soon as Jo began to speak to Jesse she could see that for now at least she wasn't going to be able to get through to him. She was content to let him cry for a little while, because she knew that it would do him good to get some of the tension out of his body. It was over ten minutes before Jesse showed signs of even beginning to calm down, but as soon as he did so Jo began to talk to him again.

"Jesse, Honey, I want you to stand up an' move over towards Mark's bed. Then I want you to lie down on it an' shut your eyes. You need to sleep, an' this is the closest place. Mark is fine in the chair."

"No… no, I …I have to get back… Rae … Eliana …Oh, God, Jo, help me, I just want to hold them, both of them and I … I can't." Jesse couldn't continue to speak. His whole life was falling away from him. His wife was in the ICU, and even worse than that his daughter had gone, he had no idea where she was, or if he would ever see her again, and that was just too much for him to bear in his fragile state. He began to sob again, and this time Mark reached over and pressed the nurse's call button.

Jo kept her arm around Jesse, and shielded his face from the entrance to Mark's room, so that he wouldn't be embarrassed by anyone else seeing him in the state he was in. She heard Mark speak to the nurse, and request that Doctor Collins come up as soon as he was able. Jo thought of the doctor with a sigh for a moment. The poor guy must be exhausted. But he was the senior ER doctor right now, and Mark wouldn't want anybody else looking at Jesse.

This time Jesse didn't seem to be able to get control of himself so easily. The tears began to slow down, but he was still extremely agitated, and was rocking slightly in Jo's arms. "Jesse, you need to calm down, an' sleep for a while. Try an' take some slow deep breaths, they will help you get a hold on yourself again, please, Rae an' Eliana need you to be strong, just for a little while longer." At the mention of his wife and daughter's names Jesse began to calm a little. Slowly he looked into the face of his friend, and the raw emotion in his eyes tore at her heart. "Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry."

Jesse managed a nod. "I know, but I can't sleep, Jo, what if Rae comes round, or, or they find Eliana… I have to be awake."

"An' you will be. You go to sleep, in here, with Mark to look after you, an' I will go an' sit with Rae. If there is any news about Eliana you know that Steve will come an' find you an' his dad. Nothin' will happen without you knowin' all about it."

"Miss Walters is right, Jesse, you need to sleep, and if you don't do it in the way it has been offered to you, I will have you admitted." No one in the room had realised that Doctor Collins had arrived, but as soon as he began to speak his authority was evident.

Jesse nodded, and without a word he got carefully up onto the bed that Mark had vacated. Jo pulled up the covers, and then sat and gently stroked his hair. Wil turned to Mark and began to speak.

"Doctor Sloan, I take it that you feel well enough to be sitting in a chair?" 

"Yes, Wil, I feel fine, I am just worried about all my friends."

"I know, so am I. I won't sedate Jesse, but if he is troubled by dreams and you feel it might be better if he was, could you page me? I don't think I will be seeing my own bed for a good few hours yet."

"Of course, but you will try to get to the sleep room for a while yourself won't you?"

"Yes, Doctor." Wil looked over and he could see that under Jo's tender ministrations Jesse was already sliding into sleep, and with a smile at her and Mark he left and headed back up to his patients in the ICU.

Steve had left the hospital as soon as Shannon realised who had taken Eliana. He'd waited just over two hours to get a search warrant for the last known address of Louise Ann Willis, and now with Martin behind him he was about to open the door with the key given to him by the landlord.

"It's not a very nice area to live in is it?" Martin looked round at the dingy paper which was evident on the walls of the hallway, but it was brightly lit, and the door had a deadbolt on it.

"No, but I would guess that a nurse on her own doesn't earn enough to be able to live anywhere else. If she had shared with somebody she could probably have lived in quite a nice place." Steve turned the key and the door swung open. The two detectives walked into the living area and once Martin had shut the door behind him they began to scan the area. Martin pulled on a pair of latex gloves and then handed another pair to Steve. There was a chocolate coloured sofa, a TV and a coffee table. The kitchen was clean and tidy, but very sparse, just two cabinets, an oven and a refrigerator. Against one wall was a small kitchen table with two chairs under it. The dirty dishes made by one person's breakfast were waiting in the sink to be washed. Martin moved over into the small bedroom, and immediately called out. 

"Steve!"

"Yeah?" Steve turned and moved across to where the younger detective was standing. They moved into the room together and Steve looked where Martin was pointing.

"Damn!" Steve slammed his fist down on the dressing table by the door, and the photo that he had been looking at fell face down in front of him. Steve picked it up and looked into the smiling face of Phillip Levington.  "He's dead and still he is ruining Rae's life. Why didn't I think of her? That …that… pervert targeted her because of her likeness to Rae. I should have thought of her straight off."

"No, Steve, there was no way that the clues we had pointed to her, she was too careful. And nothing was ever said to give us any indication that the murders were linked to Levington. Besides she made a complaint that he raped her. She was hardly suspect material now was she?"

Steve didn't seem to be convinced, but with a sigh he began to look at the other things in the room. There was a drawer with a lock on it in the dressing table, and after looking around for a while to see if they could find the key Steve pulled out the drawer from below it and smashed the handle of his gun through the wooden base of the one above. The contents fell through into Steve's waiting hands, he placed them onto the bed and began to look through them. There were some photos, which Steve sorted out. There was one of Lee Tennant as he worked in the canteen, another one of Helen as she climbed out of her car, and then clipped together were a picture of Mark and Rae, and one of Cameron Posner, his eyes looking at the ground as he walked to the main reception of Community General, each photo had been crossed through.

"Why did she pick these people to attack? It has to have something to do with Rae, but I don't know what." Martin looked at the photos as Steve handed them to him.

"This might help." Steve began to unfold a newspaper article. The headline screamed out at them. 'Yeager's Kidnapper Killed by Police' A little further down in the article they could both see that Martin's name had been ringed and then crossed through.

"I guess you're lucky she didn't get to you too." 

"Yeah, I guess I am." Martin shuddered as he thought about what had happened to the other victims of Louise Willis.

As Louise walked back towards her car she could see the bright lights from televisions in an electrical store window shining out in the early evening gloom.  She saw a news report come up on the television and was startled to see her picture flash up, but it was the photo from her nurse's ID card where she had her hair pulled tightly back, and she knew that she looked a lot different with her hair down and framing her face as it was at the moment. Then a picture of the child came up, and this time she knew that there would be no mistaking her. She hurried along the street until she reached where she had parked and thrust Eliana back in fastened the belt around her she ran round and climbed into the drivers seat. She started up the car and moved away. 

Louise knew that she could no longer go back to the motel where she had planned to spend the night, and so she kept driving past the welcoming but dangerous flashing 'vacancies' sign and on into the night.

An hour later she was on the Pacific Coast Highway on her way to San Francisco, and Eliana was screaming and crying as she lay on the seat next to Louise. She had wriggled and scrambled until as the car went round a bend she had fallen onto the seat, where she had remained, crying inconsolably as she was taken further and further away from her home.

Steve and Martin had searched Louise's apartment for just over two hours, but apart from the newspaper clipping and the photos there had been nothing to indicate what she had been planning, or where she might be holding Eliana.

Steve had arranged for the hospital to distribute the photo from her official ID to all the newspapers and television stations. There had been no up-to-date pictures of Louise in her apartment, so they had, for the moment, to be content with the only image of her they could find.

Jo had waited until she was sure that Jesse was fast asleep before she had stopped gently stroking his hair back from his face. She realised that for the time being at least she was so tired herself that going up to see Rae wasn't an option.

"I think I will just shut my eyes for a little while before I go an' see Rae." Jo had leant her head down on the bed beside Jesse and five minutes later she had been fast asleep.

It was almost two hours before Jo began to wake up, and as she did so she looked with concern at Jesse, but began to relax again immediately as she could see that he was still asleep, then she had turned to Mark and smiled. "I don't think that he is gonna wake up for a while. I'll go an' sit with Rae now, but only if you are feelin' confident about me leavin' you."

"I'm fine, at least this way I feel I'm doing something. I can't believe how much I hate being a patient. Go, Jo, Rae needs you. I will keep my eye on Jesse, and make sure that he is ok."

Jo moved over and kissed Mark gently on the cheek. "Thank you, Mark, if there is any change in Rae's condition I will call down an' let you know."

"Thank you, Sweetie, now go … but Jo," Mark paused as she turned back to him.

"Yes?"

"Don't do too much yourself, ok?"

"No, Dad." Jo blushed a little as she spoke. Once she and Steve were married, for the first time since she was a little girl, she would have somebody to be a father to her.

Shannon had been sitting quietly holding on to Alex's hand for just over two and a half hours when she suddenly became aware of activity outside the door. She turned and saw Doctor Collins standing there. "Nurse Farley, we need to take Doctor Martin down for another echocardiograph, he will be back up in about an hour."

"Can I come with him, Doctor?" Shannon hadn't yet let go of Alex's hand, and until she absolutely had to, she had no plans to do so.

"I think that it may be a good idea for you to go and get something to eat, and maybe a little air. Then you can come back and sit with him again once he returns. Shannon, he is in no more danger on his way to his tests, than he is just lying here. I won't let anything else happen to him." 

"Thank you, Doctor." Shannon leant over and kissed Alex tenderly on the cheek, and then taking a deep breath she moved out of the way and let the orderlies come in and disconnect him from his ventilator and immediately hook him up to the portable one that they had brought in with them.

As Shannon watched the bed being gently pushed out of the room, she saw someone waiting just outside the door. Slowly Shannon moved out after the gurney and smiled at Jo, who was watching with concern in her eyes as she saw her young friend being wheeled away.

"Shannon, what's happenin'? Is there somethin' else wrong with Alex?"

"No, no I don't think so. He's just having tests. You have to have another electrocardiograph six hours after the first one. At least I hope that is all it is." Shannon sank down on the chair just outside Alex's room. 

"I am going in to sit with Rae for a while, would you like to come with me?"

"I will, but I need to go and get something to eat. When I come up I will sit with you if you don't mind. I really don't want to be alone right now." Shannon smiled and moved off towards the elevator. 

Jo looked at the guard on duty outside Rae's room. "Hi, my name is Jo Walters, am I on your list?"

"Yes, Ma'am, you can go in."

Amanda was sitting quietly in Rae's room, and she looked up as Jo entered. "Hi, Jo. She has been just as you would expect. She's sedated, and, from the information on her chart I don't think she will wake up until the morning." Amanda smiled and watched as Jo moved closer to the bed. "Jo, do you know where Jesse is?"

"He's in Mark's room. He was fast asleep when I came out, an' I would imagine that he still is. Poor guy, his whole world is collapsin' an' he is havin' trouble comin' to terms with it."

"He's not the only one." Amanda's voice came out very softly, and she tried to push the image of Jesse's little girl to the back of her mind. "I'll go to Mark's room then. The boys are staying with my mother. I can't go home, not yet."

Jo watched as Amanda left the room, and then she sat down next to Rae's bed and looked at the pale face of her best friend.  She had been through so much, and each time it seemed to take her longer to bounce back. This time she knew that it would take a lot of work and effort on the part of Rae and her friends before her life got back to anything like normal. Gently Jo took Rae's hand in hers and then placed her other hand over it. She began to quietly speak to her, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice as she did so.

"Rae, Honey, it's Texas. Jesse has gone for a nap, an' Mark is takin' care of him. He just needs a little sleep. Alex is all right too. He is havin' some more tests, but Shannon is sittin' with him. You know I think they might just become a couple. He is such a nice guy, an' she seems real nice herself. I guess we just have to pair Mark off now don't we? Then we will all be waitin' for Eliana to start datin'."

Jo took a breath at the mention of her goddaughter's name and began to think of the precious times they had already spent together. She shut her eyes and she could see Steve with Eliana in his arms, some of her most treasured memories were of the two of them together. The two trains of thought began to run together and she wondered how Steve was getting on. She knew that he had headed back towards the station, and would be working on finding her, even though it wasn't really his job nobody would dare tell him that he couldn't search for his partner's child.

Louise had filled the car with gas just before she got to Ventura. She'd had to use her credit card, but as the station had the machines on the pump, it had meant that nobody had actually seen her face. At least now the car was quiet, finally that brat had fallen asleep, and she could drive in peace. How could they stand the screaming and wailing that seemed to be the only thing that the child could do? She'd got cash with her ATM card again, which had worried her, but she knew that there were a million places she could go, and every time she had to draw some money she would just change and head off in a different direction. 

As she drove along she tried to work out how she had ended up being the one on the run when her plan had seemed to be working so well. It hadn't been difficult to befriend Lee Tennant. He had always smiled at her when she was queuing up for her lunch, and one time he had asked her if she was related to Detective Yeager. That had set her mind working. Phil had been delighted to spend time with her while he was in jail. She had visited with him regularly, and the meetings had always been the highlight of her week. But then when he had gotten out and come to see her things had become even better, until he had asked her to start getting information on that cop. She had begun to realise that he might be using her. She hadn't had a chance to ask him before he had taken his revenge on the woman who had gotten him arrested the first time, by kidnapping her. 

Louise slowed down as the road curved sharply, and for a moment her concentration was reserved for her driving, but then as it straightened out again, she let her thoughts return to Detective Yeager. When Phil had been arrested she was able to visit with him again. He had just asked for his previous visitors to be re-instated, and it seemed that in no time she had received her pass and could start seeing him.  Louise smiled as she remembered her first visit. He had been so pleased to see her, and had told her how he knew now that he had made a mistake, and he should have tried to spend his life with her. The smile left Louise's face then as she remembered how someone had told the nursing supervisor that she had been seen snooping around in the psychiatrists' offices. She had told Phil, and he had just smiled that quiet and wise smile that he had. _'That's not a problem. Just tell them that I was threatening you, that you weren't responsible for your actions. I can deny it when they ask me, and there is no proof. But they will give you the benefit of the doubt, they always do.'_

So that was what she had done, but it had all gone terribly wrong while he was being questioned. That woman, that English cop had been there, and someone had shot her beloved. Louise had to slow her car down as her eyes filled with tears. She still couldn't believe that he was dead. She hadn't even been able to go to his funeral, and she had no idea where he was buried. She had searched the newspapers for days and days, but there had been no further information after the news clipping that she had kept from the L.A. Times. He had been nice to her and he was dead. Well, anybody that cop was nice to had suffered the same fate. She had planned to kill more of that woman's friends and the cop who had killed her lover, but the English woman had been so weak stomached that her arrest had come a little quicker than planned. 

A motel sign flickered in the distance, and she put the indicator on and pulled her car into the parking lot. She left the child on the passenger seat and headed into the office to book a room.

It had been a very long day, and Steve could see no end to it yet. He was sitting at his desk trying to work out where he would go if he were running with a baby, but he was getting nowhere. His phone began to ring, and with a sigh he put his pen down and answered it. "Lieutenant Sloan."

"Oh, good evening, Sir, are you the policeman who is looking for that little girl?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I am. Do you think you have seen her?" Steve was instantly alert again, and Cheryl and Martin both looked up from their paperwork as they heard him speak. As they listened they saw Steve begin to write things down on his pad. His pencil sped across the page and just when they thought they would burst waiting to hear what was going on he began to speak.

"And you are sure that this was the baby whose picture has been on TV?"

"Ok, I will send an officer over to see you to get a description of the woman and her car. Thank you, thank you very much."

Steve was out of his seat before the receiver was resting in its cradle. As he moved over towards Cheryl and Martin the phone began to ring again. Steve stopped in mid stride and turned back towards it. "Sloan, here." This time the whole squad room seemed to stop and the room was completely silent as Steve once again listened to the voice at the other end of the line.

"They are the only recent transactions on the card…? Yes, Sir, I know that, I was just double-checking… Yes, please, I would be grateful if you could. Thank you, Sir." Steve put the phone down again. "Ok, listen up, people. We have a positive sighting, at least it sounds to me like a positive sighting of Eliana in a motel on the way out of town on PCH, and the second call was from Willis's bank. She has used her ATM card twice today. The last time was just over an hour ago outside Ventura."

Cheryl hunted about in her desk and pulled out a directory. "I'll get on to the Ventura police, get them to put an APB out on her up there too."

"I think I am gonna head back over to Community General, see if any of her friends has got a photo of the lovely Louise without her hair tied back and a nurses uniform on, I will also check her locker. Any calls, and I want to be informed, understood?"

"Yes, Sir." Martin was suddenly aware of Steve's authority.

Steve grabbed his jacket off the chair, as he did so it swung across the desk, caught Eliana's picture and sent it smashing to the floor.  Steve looked down at the spoilt photo and frame, and hoped with all his heart that it wasn't an omen.


	25. 25 In The Blink of An Eye

In the Blink of an Eye 

Amanda had arrived at Mark's room to find that not only was Jesse fast asleep on the bed but Mark was asleep in the chair. She wanted to move the other chair in the room over and lift his feet onto it, but she knew that it would wake him. Quickly writing a note to say that she had come by, Amanda headed down to her lab, a thought forming in her mind as she did so.

The phone rang in one of the more senior offices at Quantico and was answered by a machine. "This phone isn't manned at present, please leave a message after the tone…."

"Agent Wagner, this is Doctor Bentley…"

"Amanda, I'm here, sorry, the damn thing hasn't stopped ringing all day… How are you?"

"I'm fine, but I think we need your help…"

It took Amanda just over a half hour to let Ron know everything that had been happening since he had been at Mark's party. He'd known about Rae from what he had read in the papers, and information that had come through the internal mail, but he had only just been made aware of Eliana's kidnap, and Amanda knew from his tone of voice that he was as affected by it as she was.

"Amanda, I'll come, let me just finish up what I'm doing, and I'll get the next plane out."

"Thank you. Just come straight to the hospital, you can find Steve from here." Amanda put the phone down. She knew that part of her reason for calling had been selfish, but Steve's partner was hospitalised, and he would work with Ron, she had no doubt about that, then unable to concentrate on anything else she headed back up to sit with Mark and Jesse.

By the time Steve got back to Community General it was almost ten at night. He had been going over and over things in his head as he had sat in stationary traffic, caused by a burst water main just five minutes from his destination. After thirty minutes he had been seriously tempted to get out and walk, and just leave his truck where it was, but he knew that it wasn't really an option. He screeched into the parking lot, slammed the door to let some of his frustration out and strode into the main entranceway. He pulled his search warrant out of his pocket, and made his way to the security office. Ten minutes later he was standing in front of a nurse's locker, with vital evidence in his gloved hand. 

Steve stared at Rae's smart card, and, still resting inside the locker, the purse she had left at Bob's. Now he knew how someone had managed to cut Jo's brake lines, and why no one had turned the purse in. Steve opened it up carefully, and checked through Rae's belongings. There was no money in it; but all her credit cards were still there. There were no keys but that was because Rae kept them in her jeans pocket. He was about to zip the purse back up again, when he saw something that almost made his heart stop. In the bottom of the bag, torn up into little pieces was a photo of Eliana.

Steve looked round for something to put the whole thing in. He couldn't see anything, so in the end he put everything that he had found back into Rae's purse in individual evidence bags. He had the smart card, the photo pieces, and not a lot else. There was still nothing to give him any clue as to where she might go. Steve shook his head. There was a bench close to him and he sat down on it for a moment, and tried to decide what to do next. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and punched in a number, after listening to it ring out until an answer phone cut in and it was obvious that there was no-one the other end he switched it off. Steve shook his head, he didn't really need to sit down, what he needed to do was see his dad. With a smile Steve got to his feet and headed up to consult his oracle.

Mark woke up with a start. Something had disturbed him, but he had no idea what. He began to rub his eyes, and as his vision cleared he realised that he and Jesse were not alone in the room. "Amanda, Honey, I'm sorry, why didn't you wake me?"

"Because you need your sleep. Besides I knew that you would wake up in the end, and I was quite able to just sit here and let my mind rest too you know."

As Amanda was about to speak again, the air was split by a friendly welcome. "Hi, Guys!"

"Shhh!" Amanda and Mark both turned toward the sound, but it was too late. Jesse began to stir.

"What?" Steve looked puzzled and then guilty.

 For a moment Jesse couldn't work out where he was, or why. Then suddenly everything came back with a rush, and his senses were almost immediately on overload. He ran his hand across his eyes, and when he looked round again he latched onto his best friend. "Steve, is there news, have you found her? Please Steve, tell me you have news, tell me you've found her." Jesse kicked off the bed clothes and climbed off the bed.

"Jess, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were asleep or I would have been a little quieter. No, I haven't found her, but there have been sightings. We will get her back, I promise you that." Steve knew that he couldn't really promise, but if he were wrong, he would have way too much time to apologise for it.

"What sightings? Where has she been seen? We should get there, maybe somebody has seen Eliana, please, Steve, take me to where she was seen." All the good that Jesse's long sleep had done him were wiped out as he got tense and agitated once again.

"Jesse, just wait a minute. Sit down, and listen to me." Steve placed a hand on each of his best friend's shoulders, and gently pushed him down into the chair that Amanda had just vacated.  "She used her ATM card in Ventura, but that is all we know. We don't want to scare her; she has to be approached carefully once she is going to be in one place for a considerable amount of time. Otherwise she will just fly again, and that could cause an accident."

"Oh, God, Steve, I'm sorry, I … I just want to be doing something." Jesse shook his head, he wasn't sure what he could do or say, but sitting still was just too hard.

"Jo is in the ICU, you could go and take over from her, and sit through with Rae. Or you could let Shannon go and have some sleep." It was Amanda who spoke; she turned to face Steve, and taking a deep breath began to speak again. "Steve, I called Ron."

"And?"

"And, he is on his way, he'll be here in the morning. Steve, he can help you, you know that, he has contacts all over, and well, every little bit helps, right?"

"Amanda, thank you. I tried to call him just now, I guess he must have already left." Steve leant over, and kissed his friend on the cheek, "I'm gonna head home for a few hours sleep. I'll just go and see Rae, and get Jo." Steve moved over towards his dad. "You're being released tomorrow aren't you?"

"I am, Michael is coming to get me at ten, and I have to say I can't wait." Mark smiled at his son. "I understand how you feel now when you are cooped up in here, but today, well, I think I was needed."

Jesse looked over at his friend, "Thank you, Mark, I really do feel better for the sleep, I'm sorry I lost it when I woke. Steve, I'll come back up with you." The two friends left the room together, and Amanda and Mark looked at each other for a moment, and then she pulled her chair over and took hold of his hand.

"Mark, whatever are we going to do if they don't find Eliana?"

"Don't even think it Amanda, it will destroy them, Rae, Jesse, and Steve, no, don't even think it."

By midnight Louise was just about ready to smother the baby, who she had begun to call Phil. For a little while after she had fed and cleaned her, the child had lain on the floor and happily sucked at her toes. It had given Louise time to dye her hair and disguise 'Phil', but when she had finished and tried to get her to go to sleep in the bed next to her, she had begun to cry.  The child was coughing more and more, and the nurse in Louise was a little concerned. The pacifier worked for short periods, but she seemed to like being held, and holding a baby was not something she had ever done. When she had worked in paediatrics Louise had almost got a failing grade, her nursing supervisor had said that she had no sympathy with the patients. As she walked back and forward along the side of the bed Louise realised that at last the baby was going off to sleep. Not wanting to point out to anyone who she was, the room was just booked in her name; there was no mention of any child so there was no crib. Breakfast was already in her bag, and she planned to be back on the road in no more than seven hours.

Carefully she put 'Phil' under the covers, her eyes didn't open, and breathing a sigh of relief she lay down next to her and closed her own eyes. She began to think through the next part of her plan as she lay there. A picture of Detective Yeager came up in her mind, and she felt her whole body tense. How dare she have a baby, when it should have been her and Phil celebrating? Well, she couldn't imagine that either the doctor or the cop was celebrating now. A smile flickered across her face, and it was all she could do to stop herself from laughing out loud.  As she lay there she suddenly thought of somebody that hadn't crossed her mind for years. That was where she should go, and nobody, not even the almighty Doctor Sloan and his stupid son would find her. It was even harder this time to stop the laugh from escaping her, but she knew, without a doubt that she was home free.

Jesse had offered to sit with Alex for Shannon while she got some sleep, and she had gratefully agreed. Setting the alarm on her watch for six in the morning, she had headed down to one of the nurses' lounges and made herself as comfortable as possible on the sofa. All the other nurses in the hospital knew that she was going out with Doctor Martin, and how ill he was, so each time the door was opened by someone hoping for a coffee and a chat they had quietly shut the door again and found another place to relax.

Alex hadn't moved all night, but Jesse hadn't expected him to. He had checked his chart when he came in the room, and he knew that Doctor Collins had given him an even larger dose of the sedative than he had given Rae. Jesse figured that Alex would probably start to come around at lunchtime. It was difficult, the events leading up to his injury would be very traumatic for him, and Jesse knew that they could hinder his recovery, however, leaving him sedated for too long could have the same effect, so it was a case of finding the happy medium. Jesse got up off the chair and stretched. He moved out of Alex's room and into Rae's. He had been spending half an hour in each room and now at five o'clock he knew that the next time he came into Rae's room he would be here for the rest of the day. 

It was just after nine in the morning when Rae began to come round from the sedation given to her the day before. Jesse was sitting holding her right hand and he felt her begin to flex her fingers. 

Rae had been getting slowly more aware as the minutes had passed. First of all she just knew that she was waking up. But as she became more alert other things became evident. The first was that every part of her hurt. Her shoulders and arms felt as if they were on fire, and she tried to remember what had happened, but she was too groggy and drowsy to form lucid thoughts, and she had drifted off into an uneasy sleep. She had no idea how long it was before she became conscious again, but this time although the pain in her shoulders was still there, almost her whole being was jolted into a sensation of near total panic as she fought against not only the gagging sensation of something in her throat but the terror that she associated with anything that happened to her round her neck.

Jesse felt Rae's hand jerk and he knew that this time she was waking up completely. He had been sitting waiting for over an hour and a half since she had first moved, and he knew that this time she was conscious of the ventilator. Slowly, trying to sound calm and relaxed he began to speak.

"Rae, Honey, it's all right, you're on a ventilator, but it's ok. Just try to relax."

Rae could hear a voice, and she knew that it was Jesse. She didn't want to be on a ventilator, and she tried to move her hands to pull at the obstruction in her throat. As she lifted her right hand off the bed, and tried to do the same with her left, the burning sensation she had been feeling exploded, and tears of agony flooded her eyes. Even with the ventilator, almost everything about her stopped. The pain was all encompassing, and for a few minutes, even though her arm had fallen almost immediately back to the soft covers, she was aware of nothing else.

Jesse had pressed the nurse's call button, and requested Doctor Collins attend Rae. He didn't want to prescribe any strong pain killers for her himself, but he knew enough about brachial plexus injuries to know that at least for now, she was going to need all the help she could get to control the pain. As he sat and watched her Jesse could see Rae was gradually getting control over the fact that she was in pain once again. He didn't understand how the actions that Alex had described could have caused the debilitating injury that Rae had, and he made a mental note to find out from the jail, just exactly what had happened.

Wil Collins came along the corridor, and glanced in at Alex Martin as he went by. The young man was still unconscious, and on his ventilator, and Shannon was still sitting with him. Wil could see that she was keeping up a steady stream of conversation, and he knew that if he understood the message from the floor nurse correctly, she would soon be able to let him know that his patient had regained consciousness in the room next door.

Jesse stood as Wil entered the room and stepped back to let the older man get closer to his wife. Rae was lying there, her eyes open, but both men could see that she wasn't really aware of what was going on. The pain was etched on her face, and the tears were still standing in her eyes.

"Rae? It's Doctor Collins, can you see me? If you can, could you blink for me?" Wil didn't want her to make any sudden moves, he had studied her case notes when he was supposed to be sleeping, and he could see that Alex had treated her in a first class manner so far. He had no intention of doing anything but that himself.

Rae had been trying to remember how she had gotten herself in this situation this time, and when someone had spoken to her it had taken a few seconds for her to re-focus. She knew that she couldn't move her head, the constant pain told her that, so slowly her eyes turned in the direction of the sounds, and she looked up at Wil Collins. She wasn't sure why it was him there instead of Alex, and then suddenly she knew exactly why, and the terror was reflected in her face.

"Rae, listen to me. If you can see me, and you know who I am, I want you to blink."

Rae knew that Jesse had been next to her, and that before that, maybe days or even weeks before that, Alex had been in the room with her. She blinked her eyes, and was confused to see that Wil smiled. People didn't usually smile when she blinked.

"Rae, can you understand what I am saying?"

Rae didn't want to listen to Wil, she had a daughter, she remembered that she had a little girl. But her little girl was gone. Rae shut her eyes, the emotions were threatening to overwhelm her, and she wished that she were back in the darkness again.

Wil and Jesse looked at each other, but didn't say a word. They could see Rae fighting her emotions, but because she couldn't speak, or move her arms, they were almost powerless to help her. So much had happened that neither man knew which particular memory was causing her so much anguish, and they didn't want to say the wrong thing and make it even worse.

When Rae shut her eyes, and effectively cut off her communication with them, Jesse knew that he had to speak. "Rae, you need to open your eyes. If you don't we can't help you. Please, Honey, open your eyes."

Rae could hear the voice of her husband, _we are married, we got married, and for a while we were happy._ Rae tried to speak, she knew she wouldn't succeed, but maybe if they could see that, then they would take the hated contraption away.

Jesse saw her continue her fight against the machines, and this time he sat on the side of the bed, but he moved quickly away, as the pain flashed across her face once again. "Rae, look at me, I need to talk to you, and I need to know that you understand what I am saying." There was still no response, and so Jesse raised his voice. "Reagan!" This time Rae's eyes came open, but the emotions that Jesse saw there made him wish she had kept them closed. He took a deep breath, and then he began to speak.

"Rae, we want to help you, but you have to co-operate so that we can do that. Now, if you can understand me, please blink." Very slowly Rae shut her eyes and then opened them again.  Jesse placed his hand next to Rae's on the right side of the bed, and as he saw the pain once again on his wife's beautiful face, he felt her fingers brush his own.

"Rae, let's try again. Do you know who I am?" Wil moved into Rae's eye line and waited. "Blink if you do."

Once again Rae's eyes closed and then opened again. 

The two men both let out a deep sigh and Wil began to speak once again.  "I need to know where you are in the most pain, and what type it is so that I can prescribe the correct pain relief. So I will start at the top of your body and work my way down. After each thing I say I want you to blink if it hurts, ok?"

There was complete silence, and Rae just looked at Wil. 

"Oh, sorry, blink if you understand that." 

Rae raised her eyes for a second, and then blinked. 

Wil could see that he now had her complete attention. "Do you have a headache?" 

Rae looked at him. Her head was about the only part of her that didn't hurt. 

"Ok I guess that's a no. Arms, left one first."

Rae concentrated. It was difficult to split the pain up; it seemed to radiate out from her neck, down her arms and into her hands. If she thought about it for a while the left arm was worse than the right. So, after some consideration Rae blinked twice hoping that he would realise that she meant that it really hurt.

"Does that mean it's bad?" 

Rae blinked twice.

"That's yes? You can just blink once if that was yes."

Rae blinked once.

"All of it or just some of it?"

Rae looked at Wil, and tried, probably she realised, without success, to look as if she was saying 'oh for goodness sake.' 

After a minute or so of silence Wil realised that he had asked her an impossible question. "Um, sorry. Top half of your left arm."

Rae blinked, then after thinking about it she blinked again.

"Lower half, hand included."

Rae thought again. By concentrating she was beginning to split her body up into sections. The top half of her arm was now separate to the lower half, and she could imagine the pain as two separate things as well. This time she blinked just the once. The pain was slightly less in the lower extremities.

"Right arm."

Rae looked at him again, and waited for more information, but then she realised that if she didn't blink at all Wil would think it didn't hurt and he wouldn't need to split it up so she blinked once.

"So it doesn't hurt as much as the left, right…? Um, I mean correct?" 

Rae blinked again, just the once.

"Upper half."

Rae blinked twice.

This went on for a little while as Wil went through Rae's list of injuries. Once he knew what parts of Rae were the most painful he then began a physical examination and watching her reactions the whole time was able to see that she had managed to pass on all the information correctly. As Wil finished his examination he took a deep breath, he had left her neck until last. Alex had underlined the word throat on her chart, and put an asterix next to it. Further down the page was a note. '_Under no circumstances is anyone to touch Detective Yeager's throat unless either her husband Doctor Travis, or myself are present, and then only with her permission. Doctor Alex Martin._ Wil turned to face Jesse and indicated that he wanted him to move closer to where he was standing.

Once Jesse had moved around the bed Wil pointed to the writing on the chart. Jesse nodded his comprehension and moved a little closer to Rae.

"Honey, we need to talk about your neck and throat. Can Wil do that or would you rather I did?"

Rae felt the panic as it threatened to emerge, but the impossibility of Jesse's question took over. She looked at him and raised her eyes to the heavens and waited.

Jesse looked at Rae, saw what she did, and then looked at Wil. He hadn't known how she would react to his question, but now he wasn't quite sure what to do next. "What? Rae, what does that mean?"

Rae just looked at her husband. The longer he carried on talking the deeper he was getting, and she couldn't answer any of his questions. In the end Rae shut her eyes and waited.

"Jesse, could you answer your question with just a blink?" Wil smiled at him, glad that it wasn't just him who asked difficult questions.

"Oh, right, sorry." Jesse thought for a moment. "Can Wil talk about your throat?"

Rae blinked once.

"Ok, Rae, the same as before then, you need to tell me how much things hurt. So, first of all the back of your neck?" 

Rae blinked twice. 

"What about your throat?"

First of all Rae just shut her eyes. She didn't like to even think about that area of her body, but she knew that this time she had to. Slowly she blinked twice, and then because she was so scared she blinked again.

After that it was difficult to communicate. Rae desperately wanted to get rid of the ventilator; Wil had no intention of letting her. Wil wanted to check the wound on her throat; Rae had no intention of letting him. In the end it became a stalemate. Rae shut her eyes, and refused to open them, and both doctors' knew that until she did, they could no longer communicate with her.

 "Rae, I have to go and check on Alex, I will be back in a little while." Wil didn't move a muscle, he just waited.

At the mention of her usual doctor's name Rae's eyes had flown open. 

"Of course, it would be much better if I could just check your neck before I go."

Rae's eyes shut again.

"Honey, I can check it, would that work?" Jesse suddenly realised that Rae would probably be all right with him doing it.

Rae opened her eyes and blinked once.

Jesse moved closer to his wife, and carefully and as tenderly as he could he began to move the dressing from the wound caused by Louise Willis's knife. He had been shocked by the severity of it the first time he had seen it, and the twenty-four hours since had done nothing to lessen the memory's effect on him.

As he pulled at the dressing he felt Rae's body go rigid and her eyes were pleading with him to stop. "I have to look, can I carry on?" Jesse took a hand away from where he was working and gently traced it down her face.

Rae blinked once, and as she did so, for the first time a tear escaped and trickled down her cheek.

Jesse placed his hand on Rae's throat, and taking a deep breath applied a gentle pressure as he pulled at the dressing.

Rae tried desperately to hold her breath, but she knew it was an impossible task. The pressure on her throat was more than she thought she could bear, but just as she had been when she was with Levington Rae was a captive audience. There was nothing that she could do but wait until it was over. Rae opened her eyes, and realised that she hadn't been aware of closing them. She looked straight at Jesse, and knew that whatever had been done to her in the past, this time the pressure on her throat was there because he loved her, and he would never ever hurt her.

Jesse was suddenly aware that Rae had relaxed. He looked up from what he was doing and looked straight into the eyes of his wife, and this time all he saw was endless love.

Steve had received a call from Ron just after eight in the morning, and he had agreed to pick him up at LAX so that he could fill him in on everything that had happened so far on the journey back into town.  They sat in traffic and the tall FBI agent turned to his friend.

"So, what has happened to her this time?"

"Wagner, I wouldn't talk like that when Jesse can hear you." Steve felt his anger rise.

"Ok, sorry. It's just from what Amanda tells me she is continually in trouble."

"Maybe, but none of it, not from the first day she arrived here, has been her fault. Now someone has taken her child, nobody should have to live through that."

"And she is in the hospital? Amanda said she was attacked in the jail. Wasn't she separated from the other prisoners?"

"Apparently not the whole time. She was attacked in the cafeteria, and I don't think she was rescued all that quickly. I have arranged for the guard who finally got her out to meet with us at Community General in…" Steve looked at his watch. "Oh, great, twenty minutes. I have to tell you, from what Alex has said these guards have way more attitude than is good for them."

"And Alex is in ICU as well now?" Ron felt like he should be counting off the casualties on his fingers.

"He was attacked by Louise Willis, who is the woman who we think actually committed the crimes Rae has been charged with, and now she has Eliana." Steve found he had to swallow hard as he mentioned the name of his goddaughter. He turned back to his friend. "If anything happens to that little girl I don't think either Jesse or Rae will survive this."

Ron just nodded his head, and then the traffic began to move again, and Steve deciding that he needed to see the guard far more than he needed to be in this traffic put his blue light on the top of his truck and floored it.

Officer Bryant was sitting just inside the main entranceway, her usual cheerful expression on her face. Steve strode up to her, his ID in his hand. "Good morning Officer Bryant, let us go and find somewhere a little more private to have our discussion shall we?"

"Whatever." The woman stood up and Steve, whose knowledge of the hospital was almost perfect, indicated towards an office that he knew was empty. 

The three of them sat down and Steve began to speak. "Maybe you would like to let Agent Wagner and myself know just exactly what happened to result in Detective Yeager ending up in the ICU."

"She was attacked after she got her food."

Both men waited, but it appeared that no more information was going to be given willingly. "Officer Bryant, are you aware that obstructing the course of justice is a jailable offence? I wonder what reaction you would get if you suddenly became an inmate in your own jail." Ron gave what he considered to be his most friendly smile.

Bertha Bryant looked at the extremely tall dark man standing in front of her and took a deep breath. "Agent Wagner?"

"That would be me. Agent Ron Wagner, FBI. I don't believe you have answered my colleague's question."

Slowly Steve and Ron heard the first hand account of what had happened to Rae. They both felt their anger rise to the surface as it became apparent that this woman had only stepped in to rescue her charge because she was concerned for her own welfare. 

"Why did you wait so long before you attempted to rescue Detective Yeager?" Ron didn't know Rae as well as Steve, but he could feel his anger so close to the surface as he remembered the happy content woman he had spent time with on his last visit.

"I needed some back up, and as soon as I got some I got her out." Officer Bryant could see the anger on the faces of the two men in front of her and decided against telling them that she had dragged her by the arm, at least initially, to remove her from the fray.

After an hour Steve suddenly stood up. "Thank you. I suggest that you continue to make yourself available for questioning."

The two friends walked up towards Mark's room once they had dismissed the guard. It was almost eleven o'clock and Steve wasn't sure if his dad would still be in the hospital. But he was, in fact he was getting slowly ready to be discharged and Wil Collins had been in his room going over what he should and shouldn't do during the next few weeks when they had arrived, but after a few minutes he excused himself and left the three men alone.

"Dad, how are you feeling this morning?" Steve was still very concerned about his father. He knew that Michael would make sure that he was kept safe and well, but he was still his dad, and he was allowed to worry about him. "I can stay with you, you know that."

"No, you can't, and you know that." Mark looked at him and could see the worry and love in his son's eyes. "Thank you, Steve, but Michael will keep me on a tight rein, I don't think I will be roller-skating for a while!"

Steve smiled at his dad's words, and then grew serious again. "There have been no sightings overnight, the car hasn't been seen, so I would imagine that she spent the night somewhere, but I have absolutely no idea where. She could have doubled back from Ventura and be in the city, or she could have carried on and be almost to San Francisco by now." Steve ran his fingers through his hair, and knew without a doubt that he had to go and see his partner before he did anything else.

There was a tap on the door and Michael was standing there, his usual unflappable, efficient self. "Good morning, Lieutenant, Agent Wagner, how nice to see you again, Doctor Sloan, if you are ready, Sir, I have the car downstairs, and I can take you to Miss Walter's residence straight away."

"Thank you, Michael, I will be just a few minutes more."

Michael turned towards Steve. "Sir, if I could have a moment of your time?"

"Of course, Michael what is it?" Steve moved over towards the butler and found himself being led into the hallway.

"Madam asked me to let you know that she has found some more up to date photos of Miss Eliana, which she is getting re-produced as we speak. She plans to take them into Detective Robertson this afternoon."

"Thank you, Michael. Can you tell her that I have no idea how my day will go, but I will try to keep in touch as much as I can?"

"Yes, Sir. I will make sure that food will be available for you whenever you return to the house."

Steve smiled at the man in front of him. Jo had once described Michael as a treasure, and Steve had to agree.  In all the time he had been with Jo, he had never once wandered into the kitchen for a snack only to find there was nothing good to eat, and considering his legendary appetite, he knew it was no small task for Michael to keep the kitchen well stocked for him. Steve smiled at the thought and then turned as he felt his dad's hand on his shoulder. "Ok, Son, I'm all ready to go. Michael, do you think you could just carry this bag, it pulls a little when I try to do it?"

"Of course, Sir, there is no way I would let you carry anything." Michael took the bag as it was offered to him, and then with a slightly rueful smile Mark sat in the waiting wheelchair, and allowed himself to be pushed down the hallway by the Englishman.

Steve watched them go, and then with a heavy sigh he looked over at Ron. "I'm gonna go up and see Rae. D'you want to come?"

"Yeah, I will, but I'll stay outside. Even when patients are unconscious they can be aware of strangers in their rooms, and I don't want to upset her."

The two men walked in silence up to the ICU and then Ron followed Steve as he made his way towards the two rooms with police guards.

"Gentlemen." Steve smiled at them. He always tried to be nice to the poor saps who ended up on this duty. He saw Shannon turn at the sound of his voice and he moved into the room.

"Lieutenant Sloan, have you found anything out? Have you found the baby yet?"

"Shannon, please, it's Steve. No, we haven't, not yet, but we will." Steve gave her a smile he didn't feel like using and turned to look at Alex.

"Has there been any change?"

"No, Lieu… Steve, he had an echocardiograph yesterday, which was just as it should be. It is just a case of waiting until he comes round. But that will be the easy part. He will be bed ridden for a little while, and then it is gonna take a long time before he is well enough to come back to work." Shannon felt the tears just below the surface once again. "You have to get her, Steve. He was just doing his job, he shouldn't be here."

"No, I know that, and like I said, we will." _We have to._ Steve placed his hand over Alex's for a moment, and then he turned and left the room. 

Ron moved over to stand beside him. "God, Steve, he looks so young."

"He is young, maybe it's just as well he is." Steve shook his head, then with a heavy heart he moved over to the doorway of his partner's room.

Jesse was sitting gently stroking Rae's hand and occasionally asking or telling her things. She couldn't speak to him and ask the question that was burning at her even more than her neck and shoulders, and she had a feeling that Jesse couldn't mention it either because he would break down if he did. 

Rae felt Jesse take his hand away and stand up. She moved her eyes so she could at least try to see what was happening, but without success.

Jesse indicated with his hand for Steve to leave the room and then he turned back to his wife. "Rae, Honey, I just have to pop out, I'll be right back, ok?"

Rae blinked once and then, knowing that she was going to be alone, shut her eyes.

As soon as he was outside the room Jesse shut the door behind him and began to speak. "What, have you found her?"

"No, Jess, nothing, no more sightings, I'm sorry, buddy, I really am."

"Yeah, right."

Steve could tell from his friend's tone of voice that he didn't believe him, and that knowledge made him explode. "Jesse. I love that little girl as if she was my own, you know that. Every time I think of her without her mommy and daddy it tears me apart. I am trying everything that I know to get her back." Steve had thrown his hands up in despair and walked away from Rae's room as he spoke, not wanting to upset her, but also so that he didn't give in to the temptation to send Jesse into the next hallway.

"Steve, Jesse, look you are both up tight, cool it, nobody gets helped if you lose it." Ron's words were lost in the tension of the moment.

"Yeah, well with the amount he is doing to help her maybe we need to lose our cool a bit more. She wouldn't be gone if he had done his job properly, and now he spends all his time here when he should be scouring the streets for my little girl."

"You think I'm not doing anything? My God, Jesse…" Steve turned away. He couldn't believe what Jesse had just said, and he didn't think he would ever forget the accusing look in his best friend's eyes. He felt his anger rise, and needed to defend himself so he turned back round. "Jesse, I don't know what else to do. I'm sending pictures of her to every station all the way from here to San Fran, but she could have gone inland, she could have turned back at Ventura and headed down towards Baja and into Mexico. Jess, we have to face the fact that we may not get her back."


	26. 26 Sanctuary

Sanctuary 

Jesse stood in shocked silence and tried to take in what the man he considered his best friend had just said. Then he suddenly found his voice. "NO! No, no, Steve, you don't mean that. You … you're talking about my baby, my little girl, I just want her back, Steve, please, get her back for me… I don't think I will be able to forgive you if you don't."

Steve could have bitten his tongue; he couldn't believe that he had actually said what he had been thinking, but Jesse seemed intent to hurt him with every word he said. "Jess, I…"

"You're what, sorry? You think that she's dead already don't you? Maybe you think that they won't find her, that there's no point in still looking. You sure aren't looking right now, are you?"

Steve put his hand on his friend's shoulder but Jesse shrugged him off and moved away. "Jess, please. I don't know what made me say that. But it is gonna be hard to find her. We should have found her by now."

Ron decided that it was probably time for him to intervene. "Ok, guys. Both of you sit! Jesse you know that Steve is doing everything he can… You do don't you?"

Jesse was feeling so much strain that he spoke without thinking. "No. He hasn't said anything to me except that he is doing everything he can think of. All I know is that she has been gone for twenty four hours and he thinks we may never get her back."

Ron tried to forget the statistics going through his mind, that not only could a kidnapped child disappear at the rate of a mile a minute but that almost 75% of those children who are going to be killed will be dead within three hours of being taken.  He thought back to Mark's party and he could see Steve sitting with the little girl on his lap. He pulled himself together. "Steve, maybe you should tell Jesse what you have been doing to find his daughter."

Steve nodded. "I took the jacket that Sally had taken off Eliana when she was in the hospital, and the K-9 guys scoured this place, inside and out, but the trail went cold in the parking lot, which fitted in with what Sally said. We didn't have the registration number of Willis's car, but we do now, and it has been sent to every station from here to the border, both ways. If you had left the hospital you would have seen flyers of Eliana in local stores, and on bus shelters, in the nearby malls, and at LAX. In fact I lost count of the number I saw when I went to pick up Ron.  Jesse, I don't know what else to say."

"The FBI was contacted as soon as Steve reported Eliana missing.  By the time Amanda called me yesterday evening I had just been informed. Her details will have gone to all the other agencies, all the main cities, we have agents everywhere, she will be known to them." Ron paused for a moment and then began to talk again. "Jesse, I need your permission so that we can put her picture on the Internet. There are lots of sites, which have photos of missing people, children and adults on them. I think it would be a good idea to have her on there too."

Jesse put his head in his hands. He couldn't take any more information in right now. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, you have my permission, I need to get back to Rae. I'm sorry, I can't cope with all this." Jesse got shakily to his feet, but Ron put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let Steve sit with her a while, I need to talk to you some more." 

"Ok." Jesse slumped back down onto the seat; he didn't feel that he had any control over his own life right now.

Steve walked back across the hallway and into the room where Rae was. As he moved nearer to his partner Steve was surprised to see that she was conscious and he wanted to turn and run back out as he realised that she must have heard every word they had been saying, the tears were running unhindered down her face, and as he looked, Steve's heart broke for her.

"Rae, Honey, I am so sorry." Steve felt the tears threaten his own eyes, but he knew that right now he had to be strong. He could let his own feelings out when he was back at home with Jo. 

Rae had lain in her room listening to first Jesse and then Steve yell. She was desperate to be able speak so that she could find out what had happened to her little girl. Rae knew that she wasn't here any more, but she didn't know where she had gone, and now it appeared that neither Steve nor Jesse knew either. She had tried to stop the tears because they made her throat feel even worse that it did already. The loud words had finally ceased and for a moment or two Rae had been scared that she had been left alone, but then she saw Steve come into the room and move over towards her.

"Honey, I'll be right back." Steve felt a sudden burst of fury, and he walked back towards where Jesse and Ron where talking quietly. "Jess, you accused me of those things, knowing full well that Rae could hear every word. Have you lost your mind?" Steve made sure that this time his words were low.

"Yeah, well, it had to be said, and she needed to know just what her partner was doing. Did you tell her yet that you thought she was …

"Jesse that is enough!" Steve stood in front of his friend. "Does Rae know about Eliana?" 

"No, I just talked about inconsequential things, nothing important … I, I couldn't …"

 "Want me to do it?" This time Jesse just nodded and Steve turned to walk back into his partner's room.

"Steve." Jesse called to him and Steve turned hoping that things would be better between them, but was disappointed when all he said was,  "Rae will blink once for yes, and twice if she really means yes. If the answer is no she does nothing."

"Ok, thanks." Steve took a deep breath as he entered Rae's room once again, and then as he approached the bed began to speak. "Rae, do you want me to talk to you about Eliana?"

Rae blinked twice and looked intently at Steve. She couldn't turn her head so that she was looking straight at him, but she knew that he would be able to see her blink.

"You know what happened to her?" Steve waited for Rae to blink, but after a minute he realised that she wasn't going to, and with a heavy heart he knew that would have to give her all the details. "You know that she isn't here, right?" Steve saw Rae blink, just the once. Each time she shut her eyes the tears escaped, and Steve knew that he was just going to make things worse and worse.

Remembering that Rae hadn't even known she had a daughter the previous day, he tried to imagine how she must be feeling, and realised that it was beyond his comprehension. "Ok, I need to just tell you. If you want me to stop or say something again, blink."

Rae shut her eyes just the once and then with her undivided attention on him Steve began to talk.

Louise had left her car at the motel and taken the Greyhound to Fresno. She had changed buses just the once, but was pretty sure that she hadn't been recognised. More of her hard earned money had gone when she had bought a carry seat for 'Phil', because she didn't want anything to make her noticeable in a crowd. She didn't think that she would be picked out, but she was still a little jumpy for the first part of the journey. She had placed 'Phil' in her seat by the window so that she could see the world go by, and this seemed to work for most of the first hour. Now that she was back in the warmth the baby was a little happier, although she was still racked with coughing regularly.  As another fit of coughing stopped, 'Phil' decided that she needed breakfast.

The greyhound bus station in Ventura didn't open until eight in the morning, and their bus had left twenty minutes before that. So once they had been travelling for that hour Louise was ready for the sandwiches she had bought for herself the day before, and she handed over the bottle of formula which the little girl took from her and sucked happily away at it until it was all gone. As she sat there munching on her sandwiches Louise thought about how her plans had changed in an instant the night before. Now there was no chance of the car being followed, and she knew that once she arrived at her destination she would have effectively disappeared off the face of the earth.

Louise sighed as she remembered Father Miles. He had been a far better father than her brutal drunken oaf of a dad. When she had been beaten once too often she would make her way quietly and carefully to his church and he would get one of the sisters, or if she was really lucky, his housekeeper Tilda, to bathe her wounds and mend her spirit. She knew that they would ask no questions about how she happened to have a young baby, and that cop and her husband would never see the child again.

'Phil' had finished her bottle and as was her usual practice she had just let go of it. The empty container lay in her lap, and she sat contentedly gazing at the fast moving scenery once again. Occasionally she coughed, but when she was sat up it didn't seem as bad as when she was lying in a crib, or next to her in bed. Both of them had had a disturbed night thanks to the coughing, and in the end 'Phil' had been sick, but she couldn't shut her own eyes, somebody might notice something, and she needed to be on her guard all the time. 'Phil' began to cough again, and this time to Louise's surprise she moved her hand and ran her finger down the child's cheek. Then she rummaged around in her bag and handed her a pacifier.

Steve had spoken quietly to Rae for over an hour, and by the time he had finished she had as much information as he had. As he had related the part where Sally had seen Eliana in the parking lot she had blinked rapidly, and he had tried to convince her that although she had been crying, Eliana hadn't appeared hurt to her sitter. Just as he was coming to the end of what he had planned to say Steve felt his phone begin to vibrate in his pocket.

"Rae, I have to go answer this, but I'll be back." Steve moved over and started towards the door, but then he stopped and turned. "Where? And this was found when? Ok, I'm on my way." Steve put his head round the door. "Ron."

Rae knew that something had happened, and she laid there, eyes wide open waiting for somebody to tell her what was going on. Finally after Ron and Jesse had come into the room Steve began to talk.

"She has been seen again at a motel in Ventura. The owner just went into one of the rooms and found the clothes that Eliana was wearing when she was taken." 

"Then we need to go, now, Steve, I'll come with you." Jesse was halfway across the room before he had finished speaking, but he found his way blocked by the immovable force that was Ron Wagner.

"No, Jesse, I told you what I want you to do, Cheryl and Martin are going to help you arrange it. It has to be done, you know that."

"Jess, Eliana isn't there. Just her clothes." There was more, but he didn't want to tell his friend, not yet.

Ron looked at the young doctor. He had managed to persuade him to meet with the media himself as soon as possible. The press conference that Captain Newman had held in his office, although small, and very short, had resulted in some media awareness, but unless Jesse spoke to them as well, they were going to lose interest very quickly.

 "I guess I don't have a lot of choice. I just want her back, but what am I gonna say? I will get upset and cry, and … and that won't help will it?"

"You'll be surprised, a bit of pathos might work wonders." Ron knew he sounded cold and uncaring, but he had worked kidnap cases before, and a picture of a grieving parent sold papers, and if a paper was sold somebody would read it, and then put it down, or leave it on the train, and maybe someone else would pick it up and read it too. Also, radio coverage was vital, you couldn't watch the TV in your car, but you could listen to the news report. The sounds of a grieving parent also made people remember.

"Jesse, I'll keep in touch, I hope you know that." Steve moved over to Rae and took her left hand in his. He saw the pain as it filled her eyes with tears, but he didn't let go. He needed her touch as much as he hoped she needed hers. "Rae, I won't stop looking until I find her, you know that don't you?" He was rewarded by two blinks and then Rae shut her eyes. 

It was a two and a half hour drive to Ventura, and Steve didn't want to take that amount of time out of his day, so he had arranged to use a police helicopter to get himself and Ron there in a fraction of that. The weather was rough, and windy, but as they sat in their seats, the city buildings beneath them seemed small and calm. Steve turned to his friend and current partner, "they found some other things in the room, but I didn't want to upset Jesse, or Rae."

Ron tried to listen to what his friend was saying, but the helicopter seemed extremely loud, and the wind seemed very strong and he hated travelling in them so he shook his head, touched his ears and then looked down at his feet.

A black and white was waiting for them as they disembarked, and ducking down to avoid the rotor arms they raced over to where it was standing, its engine already running. The two men sat in silence until the sign for the Freedom Inn came up in front of them, and then as the car slowed to a stop they got out and moved into the office.

"Good morning, Ma'am, I'm Lieutenant Sloan, LAPD, this is Agent Wagner, FBI. You reported seeing the missing child, Eliana Travis?"

"Yes, Sir, that's right. I didn't even know there was a child in the room until my husband was preparing ready for new guests. But there were diapers in the trash, and some baby clothes and there was milky vomit all over the bed covers."

"I understand that nothing was touched, we need to get a K-9 team into the room so that they can sniff out any clues that may be there."

"Of course. Anything we can do to help that little mite get back to her mom. I only wish we had known she was there earlier. We could have got Ralphy to come and pick her up."

"Ralphy?" Steve was delighted that they were getting some help, but he was just itching to get to the motel room and see for himself what was going on.

"He's my brother-in-law, and a local sheriff. Still the time's past now. You'll meet him in a minute I expect you will be wanting to get to see the room and that's where he is, you will won't you?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you. Oh, did the lady leave her key at the desk?" Ron looked at all the room numbers behind the lady whose badge said 'Madge Parker' Manager. 

"She did, but I didn't know then what I know now, and I just picked it up and put it back on its hook. Room number twenty."

"Thank you. Please don't touch it again; we will take some prints just in case. Did she pay by cash or card?"

"Cash. I guess you fellah's can't get a break right now, can ya?"

Steve shook his head and they moved out and down towards where they could see frantic police activity. There was a sheriff on the door with the name 'Parker' on his badge. They showed Ralphy their ID and went into the small tidy room.

"Guess Madge's husband still felt he needed to clear up in here." Steve looked at the surfaces. Everything except for the bed was just as it should be for a new set of guests to occupy the room.

"They should have gotten you to do it. There would have been clues left all over!" Ron moved towards a young lady taking pictures. "Ma'am, what have you got?"

"Well, there were three diapers in the trash, baby food jars, and wipes. But the most worrying things are the vomit on the bed, which was very milky, but had some blood in it, and this." Ron looked down to where she was aiming her camera, and there in the metal basket was a pile of light brown wavy baby hair.

Jesse had called Jo after Steve had left and asked her to come see him. She had arrived just over half an hour later, and made her way up to the ICU. She saw Shannon still sitting with Alex, and before she went to see Jesse she moved into the room and placed her hand on the nurse's shoulder.

"Shannon, Honey, has he shown any signs of comin' round yet?" 

"No, but Doctor Collins said that even though he had thought it might have happened by now, that he wouldn't start worrying until the morning, so I have decided that is what I am gonna do too."

Jo could see that Shannon was trying to be very strong, and she admired her for it. "I have to go an' see Jesse, but if you want anythin' from a break upwards you just holler, y'hear?"

"Yes, Ma'am, and thank you."

"Ma'am, now don't you dare!" Jo smiled. "My name is Jo, an' if you are gonna be stickin' with this dashin' young doctor, we will be seein' a lot of each other, an' I just don't think I can cope with bein' called ma'am!"

"Jo, thank you. I think that Alex is very lucky to have friends who care for him so much."

"He sure is, an' if you care for him, then we will care for you, that's how it goes with us, ok?"

Shannon just nodded her head. She was touched by what she was hearing, but she couldn't be sure that her voice would last long enough for her to get that across. She felt Jo squeeze her shoulder, and then watched as she left the room. As she did so Alex began to move his fingers under her waiting hand and she called out. "Jo, Jo, he's coming round, he just moved his hand."

"Then he probably would thank you not to yell too loudly. I'll just press this, an' I'll wait with you until Wil gets here." Jo moved back over and she could see the muscles working in Alex's arm as he flexed his fingers. She leant over, pressed the call button, brushed his blond hair back from his face and realised that she was mighty relieved that by the end of the day both her friends would be back in the land of the living.

Mark was sitting in his chair on the patio, wrapped up so that the chill in the air wouldn't affect him, trying to think of any way that he could help his friends. As he sat there he heard a noise behind him and turned to see Tony come walking out, two cups of steaming coffee in his hands.

"Doctor Sloan, I thought you might like some company, I hope I was right."

"Yes, you were, and it's Mark, so how was your trip to Seattle?" Mark looked up at Rae's ex-husband and smiled. He took his drink from him. "Thank you. How did you persuade Michael to let you bring these out?"

"The phone rang, and I just walked away with them. It was Miss Walters brother." Tony didn't usually eavesdrop on calls, but he knew that Doctor Sloan would wonder whether there was any news or not and so he had just waited to see who was calling.

"Oh, right, so how was Seattle?"

"Interesting. It's a lovely city, and I felt right at home, it rained the whole time I was there! I was having a very successful time until I heard the news yesterday, and then I knew that I just had to get back here." Tony had arranged with this company in London that he would remain in Los Angeles until Rae had been either freed or jailed. The only way that his firm had said they would agree to this was if he visited his contacts around the area while he was there, and so he had spent the last few days in Seattle. John had been old enough to care for Mara, and Patrick was also old enough to be left for a few days too.

"You know what happened to Rae don't you?" Mark looked concerned.

"Yes, Jesse was kind enough to call me, and I told him I would get back as soon as I could, I hoped she would be safe until after her trial, I'm sorry I was wrong. But when I heard about Eliana as well, I just couldn't stay away any longer."

"She will be glad you're back. Are you planning to go see her today?"

"Yes, once I have drunk this. At least when I am only travelling LA to Seattle and back there is no jet lag." 

"Ah, excuse me, Mr. Yeager, Sir, did I hear you say you were going in to see Mrs Travis?"

"Yes, that's right."

"That was Madam's brother on the phone, I wonder if you could just check with her when you get there to see if I have been in contact. If I haven't been able to reach her, could you ask her to call me?

"Of course, Michael, unless you want to go yourself." Tony smiled as he spoke, he had an idea that asking favours didn't come easily to the English butler.

"No, Sir, thank you all the same, but I need to be here with the Doctor."

Mark just smiled. He knew that nothing he could say would convince Michael that he was happy to be left, so he didn't say a word.

"If you will excuse us then, Mark." Tony saw him nod, and so he followed the butler into the house. Ten minutes later he was in a cab and on his way to Community General.

Rae had heard Shannon call out to Jo and so had Jesse. He had turned to his wife, and placing his hand over her left one, smiled and began to speak. "Honey, I am just going to go in to Alex, is that all right?" 

Rae had blinked, just the once and then even though it caused her pain she had moved her right hand over and squeezed his hand. 

Jesse felt as if his heart would break. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms, and try to take all the pain away, but he couldn't, even a simple hug was out of the question. He leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek. "I won't be long, ok?"

Once again Rae blinked and then Jesse left the room, and Rae was left to herself. She began to explore the memories that had been coming back, she still had no idea why she was in the hospital, but she knew that most of the things that she had forgotten were now back with her. Rae felt the tears well up again as she thought about how she had tried to shut Jesse out of her life. She had been so scared for him, that he would get hurt, or worse, that it had clouded everything else. She could hear her harsh words to him in her head right now, and wished that she could take every one of them back. But she could also hear Jesse's words to Steve earlier and she knew that once her daughter was back with them, there would be some very big fences to mend.

Alex could feel a hand holding his, and a crushing pain in his chest. Slowly he opened his eyes, and as he did so he became aware of his breathing, and the fact that he felt like gagging. The feelings of panic came up instantly, and he grasped hold of the hand next to his and looked wildly around to see who it belonged to.

Shannon had been talking slowly and softly to Alex as he began to come around, but as his eyelids flickered and began to open she found that the words would no longer come. She sat quietly, checking the monitors and making sure that everything that she thought should be happening was. Just as Shannon was beginning to relax, safe in the knowledge that Alex was coming round gently she saw the fear rush into his eyes.

"Shhh, Alex, it's Shannon, it's all right, just relax. Doctor Collins is on his way up…" Shannon looked round as she heard a noise and saw Doctor Travis standing in the doorway. "Alex, Doctor Travis is here, Honey, it's all right." She could feel the tight grip that Alex had on her hand, and so she didn't move away as she had planned. She felt nothing but relief as the other doctor came closer, and she saw him begin to check the monitors, just as she had.

"Alex? It's Jesse, you need to relax and let the machine breath for you, just for a little while longer. Just relax, that's better, easy does it." Jesse purposely let his voice take on an almost hypnotic tone, and he could see that Alex was doing as he instructed. Because of his position it was easy to see Alex relax back into the bed, he was almost sitting up, and so wasn't at the disadvantage that Rae had been of seeing only the ceiling. His eyes locked onto Shannon, and as he realised that she was there for him, his relaxation became complete.

Jesse looked round the room and saw Jo standing over out of the way by the window. He moved over and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Jo?"

"Jess, I'm real sorry, I have been here for a little while, but I came in to see how he was doing, an' just as I was leavin' he started to come round. I didn't want to leave Shannon alone so I just sorta stayed."

"That's ok, I am going to go back to Rae, when Wil gets here, could you come in?"

"Of course, we have things to talk about don't we?" She saw Jesse nod as he left the room, and then Jo moved back closer to Alex so that she could make sure for herself that he was all right.

Wil had just been finishing in surgery when he had received the message that Alex was coming out of his sedation. It took him another half an hour before he could get away and head up to the young doctor's room. By the time he arrived Alex had drifted off into an uneasy sleep, and Wil could see that Shannon was trying to sooth him by gently talking to him and stroking his hand.

"Nurse?"

"Oh, Doctor Collins, he… he came around about an hour ago, maybe less, he was scared, and seemed to be in a lot of pain. He's drifting in and out now, I'm not sure if it is sleep or whether he is unconscious."

"Thank you, Shannon. Every patient should have a nurse for a girlfriend, makes my job much easier." Wil smiled at her, and was relieved to see her relax a little. He knew that she was under no misapprehension as to how difficult the road Alex had to travel would be, but she didn't seem to be planning on leaving him any time soon.

Wil noticed that there was another person in the room as she moved over closer to them.

"Wil. Shannon, I'm gonna go an' see Jesse an' Rae now. If you need me you just call an' I will come right back, ok?"

Shannon let go of Alex's hand for a moment and stood up. "Thank you, Jo. I'm glad you were here with me." The two new friends hugged for a moment, and then Jo left the room.

As Louise drew up at the end of the street where the house everyone knew as The Manse was she suddenly wondered whether the good Father was still alive. He had been old when she had left, at least sixty, and, just for a moment, her confidence wavered, then she got out of the taxi, took the child from next to her and smiled. Things would be all right.

"Hey, lady, that will be thirty bucks." 

Louise was bought back from her wanderings by the voice of the cab driver.  "Oh, sorry, there you go." She only had two twenties left, but it would have taken her all day to walk here. She took the ten-dollar bill she was offered and then turned away, having no intention of providing the man with a tip.

"Yeah, have a nice day!" The man's voice was just dripping with sarcasm as he started up his engine again and drove away. Louise sighed and began the walk up towards the end of the road. She hadn't wanted to be dropped to close to her destination, and so she now had about a five to ten minute walk ahead of her. By the time she arrived at the Manse her arms were aching, and so placing 'Phil' on the ground she rested for a few moments before she opened one of the gates, picked the seat up again and began the long walk up the driveway. Louise had always been grateful for the distance between the road and the house. Most of her visits here in the past had been when she was fleeing her dad, and she would try to compose herself as she walked through the overhanging trees and shrubs. Today though she just wanted to get her visit over with, so that she could disappear into the life she thought she had left behind.

When she'd finally found the courage to leave her father's house and start out on her own she had been sixteen. The day she shut the door for the last time, she left her real identity, past and future in the dirty, flea infested hell hole that he had, most of the time, been to drunk to even notice. _Janine Reeves_, Louise shuddered, she hadn't been called that name for almost ten years, but when she got to the front door of The Manse and introduced herself that was the name she would have to use.

These days it wouldn't have been so easy to just cast off one name and start to use another, but the 'usage' way of changing your name had still been the most popular way to do it in California ten years ago, and if you disregarded the fact that she had still been a minor and could have been in trouble it had all been ridiculously easy.

She had a drivers licence in the name of Louise Willis, all her nursing certificates where in that name too, so she would have to start again from scratch, but she still had her original birth certificate so she would just re-register, take a crash course, and who knows maybe end up nursing some rich old biddy into her grave. With a laugh Louise realised that she had reached the main garden of The Manse, and so with a deep breath she moved up to the door and pulled the bell.

The atmosphere in Rae's room had gotten a little chilly for a while, and in the end Rae had done the only thing she could do when she was fed up, she had shut her eyes. Jo and Jesse had looked at each other, and they'd had to laugh. 

"You know, it's a pretty effective way of ending a conversation isn't it?"

"It sure is. I hope she quits rememberin' to do it when she's talkin' again… Jesse, you know why I am doing what you don't want me to do…Sorry that sounds a bit garbled, but you know what I mean, an' I'm not changin' my mind, so please let me do this, let me feel I am helpin', really helpin'… She's my goddaughter Jesse, an' I just want to get her back." Jo turned away as she felt the tears flood her eyes, she hadn't wanted to cry because she knew it would only make Rae and Jesse feel even worse than they already did.

"Ok, I won't argue any more, and Jo, thank you. I know a reward will make a big difference, I guess it just affects my pride that I can't do it myself." Jesse moved over and kissed Jo on the cheek, and when they both turned back towards the bed they were relieved to see that Rae had her eyes open once again. "Honey, I have to go over to the station, and Jo is coming with me, there isn't anybody to sit with you right now, but the policewoman is still on your door, and we will be back as soon as we can." Jesse looked up, as there was a knock on the glass.

"Well, would I do?" Tony stood, slightly bent over so that he could get in the door. 

Jesse looked over at Rae and saw her blink, twice.

"Madam says yes, so I guess you're hired… Tony, thank you. We have to get over to the station, and we're late already, so I'll explain everything when I get back."

"Have they found her?" Tony leapt at the fact that Jesse was going to the precinct.

"No, no, nothing like that, although Steve and Ron are following up a lead out in Ventura right now."

"Jo, did Michael get in touch with you?" Tony remembered just in time to relay his message.

"Yes he did, an' I told him I had already thought of the reward, but thank you, Tony."

Jesse moved over to where Rae was lying and kissed her gently on the cheek. He could see the tears leaving her eyes and so he gently brushed them away with a finger, remembering Steve doing the same thing for him as he did so. "I love you, Rae, and I will be back as soon as I can, ok?"

Rae blinked, just the once, and another tear escaped. Jesse brushed at that one too, and then with a deep breath he turned and taking Jo by the hand left the room.

Louise heard the footsteps as they echoed back down the hallway, and then the door opened. She had always expected it to creak, but it never did. The face in front of her was as familiar as her own, and she couldn't stop herself from letting a huge grin spread across her face. "Tilda."

"Yes, that's me, do I know … wait a minute I do know you, it's Janine, oh my goodness it must be what five, no ten years since I've seen you, you look wonderful."

Louise couldn't believe how much she had missed the woman standing in front of her, and she flung her arms around the lady in front of her and hugged her tightly. Eliana, however, was not impressed to still be out in the cold. She was wet, hungry, and grumpy and she kept coughing, she let out a loud wail and both women stopped hugging and looked down, although with two completely different reactions.

"Janine, you have a baby?"

The woman's immediate acceptance of the child in front of her made Louise's task ridiculously easy. She just nodded, and picking up the seat looked back at her old friend. "I do, can I bring her in?"

"Of course, of course, the poor little mite must be freezing cold, now you come down to the parlour, there is a lovely fire going in there, and I will go and get the Father, he will be so pleased to see you again."

Louise followed the woman down the long hallway, which was just as she remembered it. The house had always been a cold place, and there had never been much money for decorating or doing up the place, but as long as the roof didn't leak, then Father Miles was happy with his home just as it was. As she sat down in one of the chairs next to the fire Louise looked down at the child in the seat. Just for a moment her resolve wavered, and she felt for her. She was leaving her to a life without her parents, just as she'd had to face the last ten years. Louise sighed and wondered, not for the first time, whether her mother was still alive, she had felt guilty leaving her to put up with her father's drunken rages by herself, but she could have done as her daughter did and just walked away, and Louise had never understood why she couldn't do it.

Eliana gave another cry, and Louise was shaken from her memories. Stupid creature, well, if she were lucky someone would love and care for her, but it wouldn't be her real parents, not now, not ever. She had no idea where Phil's grave was so that she could visit it, and that cop and her husband would be even worse off than that. They wouldn't know whether their daughter was alive or dead, and every time a child was taken, or an unidentified body was discovered they would wonder, and wait, and their agony would be there for them to suffer, over and over again, and they would deserve every painful moment.


	27. 27 Front Page News

**Front Page News**

Jesse and Jo arrived at the station house and waited by the main desk for Martin to come and get them. He looked grim as he ran quickly down the stairs, and Jesse and Jo moved closer together.

"Did you hear from Steve yet? Or Ron?" Jesse was getting frantic now, he felt completely out of the loop, he wasn't with Rae or Steve, and even though Ron had told him that what he was doing was vital he wasn't convinced.

"No, nothing more yet. Look Jesse, we have arranged for this to be done in one of the conference rooms. A lot of media people are there already, so if you are ok, we can just go and get started."

"What about Cheryl, isn't she comin'? I thought she agreed with us now, that Rae was innocent, an'… an' she would care about Eliana." Jo felt herself getting angry.

"No, she isn't coming, Jo, this has been very difficult for her. She had convinced herself that Rae was guilty, and the day that Rae shot her down when she tried to talk to Eliana really hurt her. She hasn't said anything about it since, but I have seen her pick up the photo of the little girl from Steve's desk and look at it a couple of times."

"Oh." Jo had no idea what else to say. She hadn't really thought about Cheryl's feelings in all of this, and right now she didn't have the time to do so, but once it was all over, then it would have to be sorted.

"Let's get on with it then." Jesse suddenly stood a little straighter and took a deep breath. He had realised that the quicker he finished the news conference the quicker he would be back with Rae.

The conference room was crowded when they got there. A table was set up and there were three banks of microphones on the front of it. A large screen was stretched out behind the table, and as Jesse walked round to the front of it he stopped in his tracks as a huge picture of Eliana smiled down at him. "Oh, God, Jo."

"Honey, it's all right, just sit down, an' we will compose ourselves." Jo glared at Martin as he moved past.

"Sorry, I forgot that was going to be there." He had the grace to look embarrassed.

Jo turned slightly in her seat and looked at the picture behind her. The little girl was smiling, and you could see her teeth just showing. Her hair was combed and the ringlets looked as soft and bouncy as she remembered. The picture was a blow up of one that Steve had taken just a few days before their world had collapsed again. Jo shut her eyes for a moment and tried to gather her thoughts.

The room wasn't huge, and there were about thirty chairs in it. Along the back of the seats was a row of television lights, and cameras. In front of the seats were the ridiculously large lenses of the photographers' cameras. In between were the reporters from newspapers, radio and television stations across the state, perhaps even further. Jesse could see a CNN badge on one microphone, and BBC on another. He moved his hand and searched out Jo's. She held tightly to it and looked at him. She nodded, just slightly, and he felt his courage return to him. Jesse heard Martin clear his throat, and turned to see Chief Masters enter the room and sit next to him. Jesse had thought that it would be Captain Newman who would conduct the meeting and the surprise was evident in his voice as he quietly acknowledged the man. "Chief?"

"Doctor Travis." The Chief's voice was also kept low, neither man wanting their conversation to be front-page news. "Please pass my best wishes on to your wife, and tell her that we are doing everything we can to find her child."

For a moment Jesse felt the guilt from his conversation with Steve threaten him, but he pushed it back. Worrying about Eliana and Rae was all he could cope with right now.

The Chief looked round the room for a moment and then stood up. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for all attending this press conference. I'm sure that you recognise Doctor Travis, whose daughter is the reason we are all here. Next to him is Miss Jo Walters, and to my right is Detective Martin Robertson, who is one of the officers leading the search for Eliana Travis, who as you know, was taken from Community General Hospital yesterday. Please remember that this is an extremely traumatic time for both Doctor Travis and his companion Miss Walters, who is Miss Travis's godmother. I would ask that you are sensitive in your questioning."

Jesse wasn't sure how the journalists decided who would speak, but the barrage of noise he had expected didn't materialise, and quietly the first speaker stood up.

"Doctor Travis, have there been any positive sightings of your daughter since she was taken?"

Jesse paused, and Martin checked with his Chief, and seeing him nod began to speak. "Yes, we had one positive sighting yesterday, at a motel in Ventura, but since then, no."

"At the first press conference we were told that Eliana was wearing pink dungarees is that still so?"

"I … I don't know." Jesse looked to Martin, feeling more helpless by the minute.

"No, no, that isn't the case any longer. We have found the original set of clothes, so we have no idea now what she is wearing." Martin spoke again, and the journalists' eyes all turned to him.

Jesse hadn't known that, and he ran his hands through his hair in desperation. As he did so he was horrified to hear the clicking of cameras as all the photographers in front of him took pictures of his agony.

"Doctor Travis, do you have anything to say to the person who has your daughter?"

Jesse looked up, and the lady who had asked the question was suddenly touched by the sadness in his eyes.

"I just want her back. She's my little girl, she's only eight months old, and she needs her mommy and daddy…" Jesse's voice began to break as he carried on talking. "Please, please, just let us have her back." Jesse couldn't speak anymore, and, past caring about the cameras in front of him he began to weep openly. This time though there were very few clicks of the shutters as he sat there, and then he felt Jo's arm go round his shoulder, and he turned his head towards her as the tears threatened to overwhelm him.

For a few minutes the room was silent as Jesse fought to get himself back under control. Finally he took a deep breath and looked at the people sitting in front of him. "I'm sorry, please carry on with your questions."

It took a moment before anybody moved, but then a man close to the front began to speak. "Do the police have any idea who may have taken the child?"

Martin thought for a moment. This was difficult, and he didn't want to give too much away and jeopardise any case they would have. "We do have a suspect yes, her name is Louise Willis the description is on the flyers you have all been given, but she is about five foot tall, brown hair, brown eyes.

"We know that the little girl was poorly when she was taken, is she in any danger from her chest infection?"

Jesse nodded his head. "It's winter, any chest infection can be nasty, and…" For a moment Jesse felt himself waver again. "She's very small because she was born too early. Her lungs weren't developed properly, and so we don't know how the infection will affect her." Jesse stopped again. He could feel the tears still there, but he didn't think that he could cope with breaking down twice.

"How do you feel about the person who has taken your daughter, Doctor Travis?"

Jesse looked up, and the tears in his eyes made them seem like ice. "I feel nothing towards her, I never have, nothing at all, but she is a nurse, how could she hurt people like this? I just want her to stop what she is doing."

There was a barrage of questions then, as the reporters realised that it seemed as if Jesse actually knew his daughter's abductor.

"Is this woman known to you?"

"Is she a nurse at Community General?"

The level of noise in the room shocked Jesse. He had been so cut off from what had been happening in the outside world, but it seemed to him that nobody in front of him knew that Willis had been at the same hospital as Rae. Jesse was so upset and confused now that he didn't think about the fact that information was only released to the press at certain times of the day, and the facts about Louise Willis were one of the reasons for this press conference, to him it was just another thing that Steve should have dealt with, and another thing that he hadn't done properly.

"What is Miss Willis's motivation in taking the child?"

"Doctor Travis, does her kidnap have anything to do with your wife?"

Jo could see that Jesse was struggling with his emotions once again and so she moved slightly in her chair, to redirect the reporters' attention towards her and then began to speak. "We can't answer these questions, all we want is to get our little angel back, an' so I am offerin' a reward to anyone who knows where she is. $10,000 for information that leads to her recovery. As Jesse said, we just want her back, safe an' sound, as soon as possible."

"Doctor Travis, does this kidnap have anything to do with your wife?" The journalist just in front of Jesse wasn't going to give up. "Does she know her daughter has been taken? She is, after all, in jail charged with murder."

Jesse stood up then and leant forward. "My wife has nothing to do with this. She is as devastated as I am about the loss of our daughter, and SHE DIDN'T KILL ANYBODY!" Jesse stood up straight, pushing his chair away from him and then he turned and almost ran from the room, he couldn't face the questions any more.

Jo followed him out, she looked over at Martin and the Chief for just a second, and then she was gone.

Jesse hadn't moved very far from the doors, he was standing with his arms resting on the wall, and his head against them. Jo could see his shoulders heaving, and she rushed up to him and took him into her arms. For a moment the two friends stood together in silence, and Jo could hear Martin fielding questions in the room behind them.  "Jesse, Honey, shhh, shhh." She didn't really know what to say, but she felt that she should try to get through to him. "They will find her, you have to believe that."

Jesse looked at her then, and Jo was surprised to see that his heaving shoulders weren't caused by tears, but by unrestrained fury. "How dare they suggest that this is because of Rae? It's … it's just not fair. Dammit Jo, I just feel so helpless." Jesse rammed his fist against the wall, he had so much anger trapped inside of him, all mixed up with fear, desperation, anguish, and he had no idea how to let the feelings out before they ate away at him so much that they turned him away from his normal happy-go-lucky self.

"I need to get back to Rae." Jesse turned and strode off down the hallway, and Jo, knowing that there would be no further conversation followed him.

Steve sat in his car, a map of Ventura in front of him leaning against the steering wheel and tried to work out where Louise Willis would have gone. She had no car, and he didn't think that she would stay in the area, which meant that she had either hitched a lift, taken the train or the bus. He studied the map again, and saw that the Greyhound station was closest to the motel.

"Ron, I'm gonna go check the Greyhound depot. She has to have travelled from here somehow."

"Hold on, I'll come with you." Ron had supervised the collection of all the hair from the trashcan, and the bedding with the vomit on it had been carefully wrapped up and placed in an evidence bag. The baby food jars had been dusted for prints, and they had also found a plastic wrapper, which, according to its label had been around a baby seat. He had stayed outside the car, realising that Steve would need some time to gather his thoughts together.

Steve looked over as his friend got in beside him. He handed Ron the map and started the engine. For a few minutes there was silence, but then just needing to say something, Steve began to speak, "I guess the press conference should be in full swing right about now."

"Yeah, if Jesse doesn't chicken out. He really didn't want to do it. He was afraid of what they might say about Rae, I think."

"Well, that's understandable. His whole life is coming down around him right now. Rae and Eliana are the most important things he has, he cares about them deeply and he can't help either of them. He has dealt with the press before, and never with good results, I'm not surprised he wasn't very impressed."

"Well, we'll find out when we get back. There! You need to turn there! The bus station is over there!" Ron called out as he saw the sign flashing on and off. Steve turned the wheel quickly, and with a squeal of tyres they entered the parking lot. "This is Sloan and Wagner, not Starsky and Hutch!" Ron looked at him as Steve got out of the car.

"You are showing your age."

"Yeah, well, I can remember watching Ironside in black and white with my old man, so at least I am resurrecting memories that are a little more current than that." Ron laughed in spite of himself.

"So can I, I loved that show!" Steve smiled for a moment, and then brought himself back to the matter at hand. "Come on, let's get on with this."

The two men walked into the area where the buses were lined up waiting for their passengers, the place was reasonably busy, but it was the middle of the afternoon, and both men knew that it would get much busier later on. They followed the signs and made their way to the manager's office where Steve took out his ID, and knocked on the door. 

"Come."

They entered and watched as a small, round man switched off his TV set and stood up. "Gentlemen, what can I do for you?"

"Steve Sloan, LAPD, Agent Wagner, FBI. We need some information from you, and a look at your security videos." Steve could see that there was a bank of other monitors showing all areas of the bus depot lined up on one side of the room.

It took ten minutes for the man, whose name was Bert Williamson, to get the tape in the player and then with a flourish that seemed a little excessive to Steve he pressed the play button.

"We only run a limited service from here. Some stations are open twenty-four hours a day, but not us. We don't open until eight in the morning, so all the buses before that just come and go. This tape is from the camera that covers the main part of the station. What are you looking for anyway?"

"We are searching for the missing baby, Eliana Travis." Ron turned to look at the man.

"No, really? Well don't that beat it all? I was just watchin' that on the TV. The press conference y'know? That doctor, her daddy, he got up and just left the room, and then that gal, the one from Texas, by her accent, you know she offered a reward, she followed him. First time I ever felt sorry for a cop, but that young kid standin' there on his own with his boss. Oh, sorry." Bert stopped talking as he saw both men looking at him in astonishment.

"Can we get on? We need to find out if you have anything, because if not we have to check all the other transport stations in the area." Ron looked at Steve as he was speaking and could see that his friend had his hands in fists. 

"Could you rewind it? I had trouble concentrating." Steve spat out his words and waited as the figures on the screen did their backwards dance and then the film started again.  They had been watching for just over twenty minutes when Steve spoke up again. "There, look. Stop the tape." The screen went black. "No, with the picture up, you idiot."

"Oh, you mean pause it." Bert didn't seem at all bothered by the insult; he started the video up again and then pressed the pause button. A line of static immediately appeared right across the screen, effectively obliterating the person in shot.

"Damn!" Steve thumped his fist down on the table in front of him. "I need this tape. I'll give you a receipt for it."

"Sure, sure. D'you think that's her? Maybe I could have a press conference, hey, $10,000 that's what the lady said. Leadin' to her apprehension. Well, if you find her, then it came from me. $10,000. Lovely."

"Yeah, well, don't give up your day job." Steve took the receipt pad out of his inside pocket as he watched Ron eject the tape. He wrote quickly across it and signed it, and then the two men turned and left the office.

"Now where?"

"Let's try the station here first. See if they have the equipment to enhance this. As long as it isn't Ralphy. How could you be confident of your safety if you were working with someone called Ralphy?" Steve raised his eyes to the heavens and climbed back into his car. He started her up and screeched out of the parking lot. Ron looked at him as he fastened his seat belt and shook his head.

Tony had sat quietly with Rae for a while, and then he had started to talk. He had filled her in on what her friends back in London were doing, the ones that still kept in contact with him, and whom she no longer wrote to. He told her about Shani, and how they planned to get married in the summer. Then slowly he told her about John and his girlfriend. He had a feeling that it wouldn't be too long before they would be arranging a wedding for him. Rae's eyes had grown as wide as saucers as she listened to him tell her how their eighteen year old son had fallen in love and changed almost over night from a bike and car loving teenager into a happy secure young man with the woman of his dreams on his arm. When Tony asked if Rae had seen a picture of John's young lady, who was called Sophie, she had just looked at him. Remembering what Jesse had said he took it to be a no, and rummaged around in his wallet.

"There, what do you think? They make a lovely couple don't they?" 

Rae had blinked, once, and then painfully raised her right hand.

"Do you want this picture?"

Tony watched as she blinked, twice this time, and he knew that he would have to get himself another copy once he got home.

They had returned to silence then, and if the situation hadn't been so dire it would have been a companionable and happy one. They were comfortable in each other's company, more so than when they had been married and when Tony gently took Rae's hand in his he felt her give it a little squeeze.

Jesse had arrived back a half hour later and found the two of them sitting quietly, hand in hand, and he had smiled at them both, albeit a little shakily.

"Jesse, how did it go?"

"I think I could have handled it better, but at least I did it, and who knows something may come out of it."

Jesse moved to the side of the bed as he spoke and looked down at the vacuum device that was draining the fluid from Rae's lung. "Honey, I want to take you down to x-ray, and then hopefully we can get you off that machine, ok?"

Rae had blinked; twice, and then shut her eyes. Slowly she felt the bed being moved and Tony let go of her hand. He moved over and indicated to Jesse. 

"I know she can't talk, but she seems much calmer than I would have expected."

"She has a small amount of sedative going into her through her IV all the time. She would fight the ventilator even more than she is, if we didn't do it, and as things have turned out, it has helped her not to panic too much about Eliana… We'll be about a half hour, then we will be back. If her lung is ok again I will sedate her completely, and take her off the ventilator. I don't think I need to wean her off, she hasn't been on there very long, and if her lung has re-expanded as expected then there is no reason for her to have any problems breathing."

"Oh, ok." Tony looked a little shell shocked, and Jesse realised belatedly that he had probably gotten lost about half way through what he had been saying. 

"Do you want me to go over it again?"

"No, you just do it, and I'll follow along behind." Tony smiled and then sat back down in his chair. He wasn't sure where else to go while he waited for Rae to get back.

Alex was awake in the room next to Rae's and Shannon was sitting with him once again. He had been taken off his ventilator almost as soon as he had come round, and there had been no complications. His breathing and heart rate had remained steady, and although he wasn't allowed to get out of bed or eat anything yet, he knew that he was incredibly lucky to be alive. Doctor Collins had carried out two further echocardiograms and his heart was now beating well within the upper and lower limits he had been aiming for.  They, as Rae and Tony had been, were sitting in silence when there was a knock on the doorframe, and Shannon saw Jo standing next to the police guard.

"Hi, I thought I would come visitin' for a little while if that's ok with you folks."

"Jo, come in, tell me what's going on." Alex's voice was quiet and not very strong, but he knew it would get better. Every time he swallowed he could feel the tube that had been down his throat, and so he was trying not to swallow. Trouble was that made him dry mouthed and then his voice disappeared. So closing his eyes for a moment he swallowed cautiously and then opened his eyes again.

"Alex, are you all right, that looked like it was hurtin'"

"It just hurts to swallow. I'm not allowed to eat anything yet so I can't soothe it, but as soon as I can I will be on the hard candies."

Shannon looked at Jo. "How is Detective Yeager?"

"I have no idea, she isn't in her room right now, but Tony said that she had been taken down to see about removin' her ventilator, so I guess she is doin' just fine."

"And the baby, did they find the baby yet?"

"No, no they didn't. Jesse an' me, we just did a news conference, so maybe somethin' will come from that, I don't know. It was a strange experience, it felt like it should be happenin' to someone else, if y'know what I mean."

"I can't believe that I let her go, I let that woman just take her, and now she is lost to them for ever." Alex began to breath heavily as he got upset, and both Jo and Shannon moved closer to him.

"Now you stop that talk right now. She tried to kill you, an' there was nothin' you or anybody else could have done to prevent what happened. An' there is no forever in this, she will come back, an' Rae an' Jesse will be a family once again…" Jo paused for a moment before continuing. "Alex, you were tryin' to help Rae, no one could ever in a million years have predicted what would occur. You know that Rae an' Jesse won't blame you, so you need to stop blamin' yourself too."

Alex shut his eyes for a moment. He did know that Rae wouldn't blame him, she was a very forgiving person, but he wasn't, and if the little girl wasn't returned safe and well, he didn't think he would be able to live with himself.

Steve and Ron arrived at the police station in Ventura and after a few words with the station captain made their way to a room full of all sorts of electronic machinery. The officer on duty in there was called Mac and he just nodded as he listened to what Steve wanted him to do.

"Sure, no sweat. I do that all the time. Let's have your tape then." Mac had slipped the tape into one of his many video recorders and then begun the process of taking still pictures from it that didn't have a static line right across them. With all the current computer programmes it was an extremely easy and quick process and half an hour after entering the station they had what they wanted.

"Ok, back to the bus station. We need to know what Greyhound this is, where it was going, and when it got there."

"Yeah, get in the car then, I feel as if time is running out on us." Steve had already started the engine, and Ron quickly shut his door and fastened his belt.

Bert was still sitting at his desk when they returned. The bus station was now a busy and active place, there were buses pulling in at all the different waiting areas, and the queues for the rest rooms and ticket booths were long enough to make any traveller think about staying home. Steve tapped on the door once again and then they entered. Ron laid the photos on the crowded desk after disposing of two empty coffee containers and three potato chip bags. 

"We need to know which bus this is, where it was going, and who travelled on it." Ron pointed at the picture in which Louise Willis could be clearly seen, a baby seat in front of her on the ground, and a bus in its bay.

"Hard to tell without the time on it."

"The time is on it. It says seven thirty eight." Ron's voice was curt as he spoke.

"That would be the bus to San Francisco, via Fresno."

"Don't you think it would be a good idea to look that up, just to be sure?" Steve looked at the man in front of him. He had no intention of going to Fresno if he didn't have to.

Bert looked back at the detective through narrowed eyes. He'd been as helpful and understanding as he could when they were here earlier because a child's life was at stake, but nobody was going to tell him he didn't know his job. "I could tell you every bus that leaves here, at what time, where it's going and how long it will take it to get there. I can also tell you that the bus to San Fran that left here at 7.40 this morning never got to go any further than Fresno. The engine gave out just before the bus station. Everybody had to walk the rest of the way."

"Thank you. Now, I need to see the ticket stubs for this coach." Steve felt his heart get a little lighter. They only had to cover here to Fresno, which made life a little easier.

"We aren't open until eight. The ticket would be bought from the driver. If you paid cash there would be no record. We don't have cameras on the buses, though I guess we will soon." 

"What about the Fresno station, I guess that there is no record of who got off the coach because they didn't disembark inside where they were supposed to… Damn!" Steve banged his fist on the table. "I guess we go to Fresno then, and hope for the best."

The x-rays that Rae had done showed just what Jesse had expected them to, her lung had re-expanded and even though he wouldn't be removing the vacuum device for another day or two the ventilator could be switched off once Rae was back in her room. As Jesse walked back down towards the ICU suite he saw Mr. Sholte standing waiting for him. Jesse had been holding on to Rae's left hand, and he had squeezed it tighter as he saw the lawyer. Rae couldn't move away from the pain, but he felt her tense up immediately. "Honey, I'm so sorry. He went to lift her hand to his lips so that he could kiss it, and the agony that passed across her face made him stop in his tracks.  He knew that she would have a long hard time getting over the injuries to her neck and arms, even with the sedation she was under the pain was obviously unbearable for her.

By the time he had finished thinking the orderly was gently steering the bed back through the doorway. The police guard moved out of the way and in a few moments Rae was disconnected from one ventilator and back on the other one.

"Rae, Honey, I'll be just a minute, Tony is still here if you need anything ok?"

Rae had blinked, just the once, and Jesse could see the puzzlement in her eyes.

"I will take you off the machine, I promise, but first there is someone I have to see, ok?" Jesse realised that Rae hadn't seen her lawyer standing in the hallway, and until he knew what he had to say, he had no intention of letting her know he was there.

Gilbert Sholte was waiting patiently just out of earshot of Rae's room. Jesse moved over towards him and took the outstretched hand. "Mr. Sholte, what can I do for you?"

"First of all I just wanted to say how shocked and upset I was to hear what had happened to your daughter. She is a lovely child, I hope you get her back soon."

"Thank you." There wasn't really anything else that Jesse could say.

"Would it be possible to speak with your wife for a moment or two?" Mr. Sholte looked concerned as he spoke.

"As long as you aren't going to distress her, or give her more bad news yes, of course. She won't be able to answer you though, unless you count blinks. She is still on the ventilator, although she will be coming off it this evening."

"Oh, I see. I only found out this morning that she was actually in the hospital at all." Mr. Sholte managed to look extremely put out and concerned at the same time. "The news I have isn't bad, I promise you that."

"I am so sorry, we were just so concerned about her. I guess we're not used to having to call her lawyer when she gets hurt. Can you give me an idea what you have to see her about?" A couple of minutes later Mr. Sholte and Jesse who was smiling at the news he had just heard, moved towards Rae's door.

Rae was still lying flat on the bed looking up at the ceiling. Tony was there, but he hadn't wanted to change the position she was in. He stood up as the two other men came into the room, and he appeared in Rae's eye line. He saw her look at him and he was amazed at just how helpless and scared she appeared.

"Jesse…" He couldn't say anything else, he didn't want to upset or embarrass his ex-wife, but suddenly all he wanted to do was just scoop her up in his arms and hold her until everything was better again.

Jesse moved over and looked into Rae's eyes and saw the same thing Tony did. "Shhh, Honey, I'll move your bed up for you. Blink if you want me to stop, ok?"

Rae blinked once and then waited. Slowly Jesse moved the head of the bed, and Rae moved into a position where she could at least see everybody who was in her room. As she sat there one tear slid down her face. Jesse had no idea why she was crying, but he moved a little closer to her and gently rested his hand against her face. "Oh, Sweetheart, it will be all right, I promise you, in the end everything will come back together, it will be you, me and Eliana again, for always."

Rae was still looking very unsure and scared, but somehow now that she wasn't on her back she didn't seem as helpless.

"Honey, Mr. Sholte wants to talk to you, is that ok?"

"I'll go then." Tony turned, but Jesse moved over to him.

"No, Tony, could you stay, that's ok isn't it, Rae?" Jesse waited and as he expected Rae blinked once. "Then if it is anything that Mark needs to know you could tell him when you go home."

"Ok, if Mr. Sholte doesn't mind."

"No, not at all, if Mrs Travis is fine with it."

Rae blinked just the once and then waited. Jesse turned back towards the lawyer. "Rae blinks once for yes, twice if she really means it, and she just waits if the answer is no. If you need anything more complicated than that, I'm afraid you will have to come back in the morning."

"No, I need to talk with her now. Mrs Travis, I would have been in to see you before, had I known you were in here, I apologise for my tardiness." 

Jesse looked over at Tony from behind the lawyer and raised his eyes to the heavens.  Then with a forced smile he moved over so that he could be within touching distance of Rae should she need him.

"Now, to the matter at hand. I have spoken with the DA again today, and at the moment she has no problem with keeping the whole case on hold until you are well enough to attend court… Doctor Travis, please." Gilbert could see that the young man was just itching to cut in. "I have also spoken to Doctor Bentley, in fact I have just come up from your lab, wonderful place, I find it all most interesting, and I think that it will be a simple case to get Detective Yeager acquitted of all the charges against her."

"Oh, thank God." Tony felt the strength leave his legs for a moment, and he sat in the chair next to the bed.

"I thought that you and your husband would want to know straight away. As soon as you are well enough to attend court we will get a date finalised. Obviously these things are always a little fluid, and there is sure to be a slot available within a day or two of when we want it. Unfortunately though, until that time you are still a prisoner of this state, and if the police guard is removed one of the prison officers will have to be here in their place."

Jesse just nodded. He hadn't missed the presence of the prison guards at all. He was so used to going in and out of rooms with cops on the door that it was second nature to him. But the guards had been a different matter. They had been rude and uncooperative, and he knew that Alex had felt the same about them. 

Rae looked at the man in front of her. She had no way to let him know how relieved she felt, somehow one blink, or even two didn't seem appropriate. She moved her left hand painfully and touched Jesse's hand.

"Rae? Do you want me to do something for you?"

Rae blinked once and then raised her right hand off the bed and made a writing movement with her fingers. Jesse looked at the little shapes Rae was slowly and painfully making and thought for a moment. 

"Write, you want to write something?"  

Rae blinked once at Jesse and waited, but it was Tony who spoke next. 

"I have some paper and a pen, hold on." He reached into his jacket and took out a notebook and a pen. He offered Rae the pen for her left hand, but she didn't raise it off the bed.

"She won't be able to do it with her left hand, her arm is paralysed." Jesse saw the pain in Rae's eyes as he spoke.

"Oh, ok." Tony took a deep breath as he realised the ramifications of what Jesse had just said, and then he put the pen in her right hand and placed the paper underneath it. He held on to it and slowly Rae moved the pen. Because she couldn't see what she was doing very well, and wasn't used to writing with her right hand it was a slow as well as a painful process, but after about five minutes, which had included numerous stops while Rae composed herself and let the pain subside a little, she was finished. Tony took the piece of paper from her, and could see she was relaxing back against the pillows. He handed the sheet to Jesse, who looked at it and then gave it to Mr. Sholte, to whom it was addressed.

The lawyer put his glasses on his nose, and looked closely at the almost illegible letters before him. Gradually he made out four words. _Thank you Mr. Sholt._ He smiled at the woman in front of him and decided that now was not the time to point out that she couldn't actually spell his name. "You are very welcome, my dear." 


	28. 28 Called To Account

**Called to Account**

Alex had fallen asleep while Jo had been in the room with Shannon, and so she had offered to sit with him for a little while to give the younger woman a chance to go and get something to eat and have a wash and freshen up. Her offer had been gratefully received and after assuring her that she would be back in about two hours Shannon had left Alex in Jo's capable hands.  For the next hour Jo had sat quietly watching him sleep peacefully in front of her.

She had heard Rae arrive back in her room, and had decided that once Shannon was back she would go and sit with her friend for a while. Rae couldn't talk to her, but she had missed her company. Even in silence Rae was the best friend she had ever had, and just being with her made her feel better.

After about another half hour there had been a tap on the doorframe and Jo had looked up to see Gilbert Sholte smiling in at her. 

"Miss Walters, how are you?"

"Gilbert, considerin' all that is happenin' not too bad, an' yourself?"

"I am very well, my dear, very well. I wanted to speak to you about the reward you have offered for the return of the Travis's baby. We will need to draw up some legal documents so that you aren't paying every Tom, Dick and Harry from here to kingdom come. Maybe if I get that sorted out and over to Michael you would be kind enough to look it over and returned to me as soon as you can?"

"Of course, I guess I just hoped people would be honest, but if they were then we wouldn't need a reward in the first place would we?"

"No, I suppose not. Well, Miss Walters I will be getting back to the office. I trust that you will keep in touch."

"Of course, an' Gilbert, remember, all the bills for Rae's case come to me."

"Very good." Mr. Sholte smiled a friendly smile towards his client and then turned in the doorway and moved away. As he did so Alex stirred slightly in the bed, and a shadow of pain crossed his features. Jo placed her hand over his and he relaxed back into his pillow.

Louise had sat quietly in front of the parlour fire for about ten minutes before she had nodded off, safe in the knowledge that, for the moment at least, she had disappeared from sight. It was after five before she awoke, and she took a while to realise where she was. Looking down she saw that the baby seat had gone, and she got up and hurried out into the hallway. As she did so she heard 'Phil' crying and so followed the noise.

"Now, now my precious, you just take a little of this and it will help your poor cough." 

Louise could see that Tilda had the child in her arms and was trying to get some sort of liquid down her throat. She moved into the room and the woman looked up. "Oh, Janine, she has such a cough, you really ought to see a doctor with her."

"I have, Tilda, she… finished her antibiotics this morning, I will go with her again tomorrow. I think she will probably need another course. What are you giving her?"

"Well, we don't have any children's cough syrup, so this is the one that Father Miles takes for his bronchitis. It says that it makes you drowsy, but I guess it will help her sleep."

The nurse in Louise shuddered. It was a good thing this woman had never had children, but at least it would mean she would get a good night's sleep before she left in the morning. Of course, there was no knowing how long the child would survive in Tilda's loving care, but it wouldn't be her problem.

Jesse, with far more fear and trepidation than he was showing, got ready to take Rae off the ventilator. She had only been on there for twenty-four hours, but he knew that it would be traumatic for her to have it removed. 

"Ok, Honey, I'm gonna sedate you in a minute and then I can get rid of this machine. I have a non-invasive ventilator here just in case, but I'm sure there will be no problems. So are you ready?" Jesse had held up the mask from the second ventilator machine as he spoke.

Rae had looked at Jesse, but she hadn't blinked. She could see him waiting, and as her eyes got dry she shut them completely.

"Rae? Honey, do you understand what I just explained to you?"

This time Rae did blink, just the once. 

"Ok, and do you have a problem with what I am saying?"

Rae blinked again.

"Don't you want to come off the ventilator? It will be all right, you don't need it to breathe."

Rae couldn't answer that so she just waited.

Jesse thought for a moment, and then inspiration struck. "You don't want to be sedated."

Rae blinked twice.

"Sweetheart, it will be really unpleasant if you aren't. Your neck still has the wound in it, and it took a lot of stitches to close it up. Once I start to take the tube out, there is no going back, but you will tense up, everybody does, and that won't help your other injury." Jesse stopped talking for a moment, and moved closer to his wife. "If I sedate you, you will be completely relaxed. I can just take the tube out, and you won't know anything about it. Please, Rae… I don't think I can do it the other way." Jesse went to move away, not wanting her to see the pain in his eyes, but he felt her hand over his, and as he looked at her she blinked just once and then looked at him with all the love he needed to enable him to start the procedure.

Jo wasn't at all surprised that two hours later, almost to the minute Shannon was back in the room. She did look a little brighter and fresher than she had, and she had obviously brushed her hair and applied a little fresh make-up. 

"Honey, you look more relaxed. You know I am sure that he will be all right if you want to go home an' come back in the mornin'."

"No, not tonight. If he is still all right tomorrow evening I will go home, but I need to be here tonight. Do you understand?"

"I do. I haven't been in quite this position before, but I have sat with Steve after he has been injured, an' he has sat with me, so I do understand."

Shannon had smiled at her and they had hugged before Jo had got up and moved to the room next door where her best friend was. She stopped just outside the doorway as she heard Jesse trying to convince Rae to take a sedative for something. Once she was sure that he had finished talking she had been about to tap on the glass when she realised that he was giving Rae an injection. She watched him finish what he was doing, then she did knock on the window and then she waited.

"Jesse, is it all right if I come in?" Jo had seen him turn to her, but he seemed unwilling to speak.

"What, oh yeah, sorry, Jo, come on in. I was just … yeah come in."

"Do you want me to go, I can come back later?"

"No, no, it's fine. Jo, have you heard from Steve?"

"No, not a word, look I tell you what, I don't know what you are doin' but it looks medical, I will go down to the doctor's lounge for a few minutes an' give him a call, then I will come back an' let you know what is goin' on."

Jesse looked at Rae, he could see that the sedative was already taking effect and she was gradually closing her eyes. He knew that she would want to know what was going on as desperately as he did, but if there was no good news he would rather take his own time to tell her. 

Jo had left Jesse, and planned to go straight down to the lounge to make her call, but as she drew level with the door to Alex's room she had heard the sound of crying, and looking in had seen Shannon, standing a little way away from the bed, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Shannon, is there somethin' wrong?"

"What? Oh, Jo, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm just being silly." Shannon had blushed as she realised that she wasn't alone in the room.

**"**You have been under incredible strain, no one is gonna say that a few tears are silly, now, do you want to tell me what caused them?"

Shannon had nodded, and then smiled as she felt Jo take her hand. "Alex… well, I know we haven't been together long, but, but I really like him you know, and… and I thought he felt the same way."

"Oh, I think he does. I saw his face as he was introducin' you to us all the other night, an' the way he looked at you, as you were leavin'. Yes, I would say he does. Why?"

"It's just that he stirred in his sleep, and was a little restless and then he began to talk, and he called out, he called out another girl's name." 

Jo looked at her, astonished. As far as she knew it had been a while since Alex had had a steady girlfriend. He wasn't short of admirers she knew that, but Shannon had been the first girl that she thought had really gotten to him. "What did he say?" Jo wasn't sure that she wanted to know, but felt she really ought to ask.

"He didn't say much just a name a couple of times, he said, Kira… What, Jo, don't, why are you smiling?"

"Honey, have you been to Alex's apartment yet?"

"No, no I haven't. Maybe now I won't." Shannon brushed at her tears. She thought that Jo was her friend, or could be, but now she wasn't so sure.

"When you do, you will meet Kira, Shannon, she's his cat."

"Oh, my, thank you, oh, Jo, thank you."

"No, thank you, I had better get Michael to go over an' feed the poor thing, an' just to make his day I'll have him clean the litter tray too. I know that Mark still has a key. He hasn't been home for what, two days, the little creature will be starvin'."

Shannon wiped her tears away and smiled sheepishly at the lady who was, she realised, already her friend. "I think we will keep this little conversation to ourselves, what do you say?"

"Conversation, now what conversation would that be?" Jo winked at her, and then remembering her errand, placed her hand gently on her arm, and was gone.

Steve sat fuming in his car. The helicopter that they had used to get to Ventura had been returned to base because there had been a jail break and it was needed to transport men and heat seeking equipment nearer to the scene. They had tried to hire a civilian helicopter but the wind was still strong and they hadn't found a pilot willing to take them up. The pilot they had used to get to Ventura had gone back with his chopper and that meant that he and Ron were now faced with about a six-hour drive, add in the rush hour traffic and they would be lucky to get there before midnight. As he and Ron watched the stationary cars all around him his cell began to ring. "Sloan here, oh, hi…. No, nothing, I have to go to Fresno, and the helicopter is now tied up, so I am sitting in traffic hoping that everybody else will miraculously decide to turn off at the next exit ramp… I don't know, she took the bus to Fresno. She could have gotten off earlier, but that is the main stop. We are going to start there, if we don't get the answers we want, we'll work backwards…. No, the bus terminated there. If she went on she will be on the video film… Yeah, I love you too."

Ron looked at him. "Jo?"

"Yeah. Dammit, every minute that passes is a minute wasted."

"Steve, there is nothing we can do. We have contacted the Fresno division, they have the photo we have, plus the pictures of Eliana, and they are making their own enquiries. It's not as if we are just sitting on our hands."

"No? Well it sure as hell feels that way to me. She's eight months old, Ron, she isn't very well, and we have no idea where she is."

Ron looked away; he couldn't face his friend, because he knew just how desperate the situation was getting. If anyone asked him if he thought they would find the little girl alive he would have to say no, but it was more than that, he didn't think they would find her at all.

Louise put her knife and fork down neatly on her plate; the meal had been just as she remembered them. Watery vegetables, tough meat and potatoes that turned to mush as soon as you touched them, and she hadn't had a meal she had enjoyed so much in ages. For a short while she wished that she could confess all to the kindly man across the table from her, and live out the rest of her life in this sanctuary, but she knew that was impossible. 'Phil' was fast asleep in her child seat, as she had been since about ten minutes after she had been given her medicine. 

"Tilda, can I help you with the washing up?"

"Janine, that is mighty kind of you, but we have a dishwasher now. About eight years ago, one of our parishioners was getting a new machine, and offered us the old one. Well it might have been old to them, but it has done us proud ever since. But you can come help me load it. Father, you'll be all right with Janine's baby while we do the dishes won't you?"

"Yes, yes, I have a sermon to write, I can practice on the little mite, seems to me she is one step ahead of most of my congregation in that she is asleep already."

The two women had smiled and headed towards the kitchen, carrying plates and serving dishes. It didn't take them long to put everything in the machine, and Louise could see that it was only switched on every other day or so. There was already a set of dinner plates and dishes in there, along with two sets of breakfast and lunch things. By the time they got back to the dining room there were two sleeping people, and the women retired to the parlour and the warmth of the fire.

Jo had called through to Mark and told him what Steve had said, then she had spoken to Michael and asked him to get the key to Alex's place and go feed the cat. Once that was done, and she had made sure that Tony had gotten home safely, she left the doctor's lounge and went back up to tell Jesse that she had nothing new to report.

Jesse had been sitting for a while when he heard Jo tap on the glass. Rae was now breathing normally, although he'd had to use the mask for a few minutes when he had first removed the tube. But gradually her body had realised that it had to breathe on its own, and now he could see the rise and fall of her chest as she lay in her medication induced sleep.

"Honey, did you finish what you were doin' yet?"

"Yeah, I am so glad she gave in and let me sedate her. I don't think either one of us would have been able to cope otherwise. Oh, God, Jo, I am so tired, I don't know what to do, I know I should be here with Rae, but I should be with Steve too, trying to find our baby, every minute that passes she is getting further and further away from us, and she is sick, she has a chest infection, and she hasn't had any medication yet, nothing." 

Jo moved around in front of Jesse and placed a hand on each arm. "Ok, now I want you to listen to me. I know that there is no way on this earth that I could persuade you to go home an' get a good night's sleep, but you need to go to the sleep room an' shut your eyes for a while."

"No, no, I can't do that." 

"Yes you can. I will page you the moment I hear anythin', but Steve an' Ron are stuck in traffic on the road to Fresno, Rae is in a sedated sleep an' won't be wakin' until the mornin'. Jesse there is nothin' more you can do tonight. But if you don't go an' get some sleep you will make yourself ill, an' in a while Rae an Eliana are gonna need you. Rae especially is gonna need you when she has to go to court. She won't be able to be as strong if you aren't there for her."

"Jo, I am so sorry, I didn't tell you. Sholte has got the Assistant DA to agree that there is no case to answer. The next time she goes to court the charges will be dropped."

"Oh, thank God, an' she knows, you did remember to tell her?"

Jesse smiled. "Yeah, Sholte told her. Jo, I am so sorry."

"Honey, that's all right, it's been a crazy day. Now, go, get some sleep, an' I will see you in the mornin'."

Jesse didn't have the energy to argue. He knew that what she was saying was true. Rae would sleep all night, so would Alex who was being given something to help him sleep. Steve and Ron were miles away, and he could do nothing to help them, and Eliana, he swallowed hard and said a silent prayer for the safe return of his daughter, until she came back there was nothing he could do for her either.

It had been eleven at night before Steve and Ron had arrived in Fresno, and they had both been so tired that once they had checked that there had been no sightings they had crashed in an interview room at the main police station. By seven the next morning though both men were awake, almost alert and in search of breakfast.

There had still been no sightings, but Steve wasn't surprised, he hadn't expected there to be. As he and Ron sat in the squad room drinking coffee a young man with curly red hair and a happy smiling face approached them. "Ah, which one of you is Lieutenant Sloan?"

Steve stood up, "That would be me, what can I do for you?"

"Hi, I'm Detective Burrigan, I've been coordinating the search efforts here in Fresno, and my officers are about to go out door to door again. We didn't know if you wanted to speak to them before they left. I've got most of them in plain clothes."

"Yeah, ok. Thank you." Steve and Ron stood up and followed the young man out of the room. "Y'know, I think I'm getting old."

Ron smiled a half smile at him, not wanting to admit he had been thinking the exact same thing, and then they found themselves entering a room where ten young men and women were sitting. Steve stood in front of them and smiled. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Ok, I hope I don't need to go into too much detail as to how important time is in this. The little girl has been missing for almost two days now, and we really need to get her back. You all have pictures of the believed abductor, but we know that she has coloured her hair, and she may have coloured the child's hair also."

One of the young women in the front row put her hand up. "Does the baby have any identifying marks, Sir?"

"No, unfortunately she doesn't have any birthmarks, or anything like that. She did have soft brown curls, but they have been cut off, so she may be dressed as a boy. If you suspect a child of being Eliana Travis then you stay where you are and contact us. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Does anyone have any other questions?" Steve saw another hand go up. "Yes?"

"If we see the suspect, Louise Willis, how should we go about apprehending her, Sir?"

"You don't, you contact us, and then you keep her in your sight. I know most of you are normally uniformed officers, but some of you are plain clothes for this so that we don't spook her. If you think you spot her, once again you contact us. If she has the child with her, then you make damn sure you don't lose her, is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir." If the young officer was shocked by the tone of Steve's voice he managed to hide it well. 

"Ok, then off you go, and please keep your eyes and ears open, and be careful." Steve turned to Ron, suddenly aware that he hadn't asked him if he wanted to say anything, but he could tell by his friend's appearance that he didn't.

Five minutes later the station had a quiet and almost eerie feel to it. "So, where do you think we should be going?"

"The bus station. I want to check the security videos and the cab drivers. The ones who were there when the bus arrived will probably start their shifts in the morning, so if Louise used a cab then the driver may already be there."

Steve and Ron headed out to the parking lot, and as they walked Steve heard his phone. "Sloan, here… Hi, Honey, no, we're just starting out now… oh that's wonderful, she will be relieved about that… yeah, I will don't worry, you and Jess will be the first to know, I promise… ok, bye."

Ron had heard Steve's words and looked at him. "What, what's wonderful?"

"The D.A. is gonna drop all the charges against Rae." Steve smiled, at last something had gone right. Now all they had to do was bring her daughter home to her and she could begin to get her life back to where it was just after she had got married.

After Jo had called through to Steve she had felt Rae begin to stir, and her hand moved underneath her own. Jo moved quietly away and put her head round the door. "Could you get someone to let Doctor Travis know that his wife is comin' round, in about five minutes, please?" Then she sat back down and watched carefully as Rae began to wake up.

Rae was instantly aware of the fact that something was different. She tried to move her hand towards her throat, but the burning pain that was becoming so familiar to her was still there. The sensation made her gasp, and then she opened her eyes wide as she realised that the ventilator tube had gone. She tried to speak but no sound came out, and feeling the panic well up inside her she tried to see if there was anyone with her.

"Shhh, Rae, it's ok, it's Texas, I'm here, Honey. Now, breathe slowly, an' carefully, an' you will start to get your bearin's. That's it." Jo could see that her words were getting through to her friend, and she slowly moved her eyes until she could see her. For the first time in far too long, Rae smiled a small smile. She tried to speak again, but still no sound would come out. "I guess maybe a little water would help you. Hold on a moment." Jo leant over and picked up the beaker from the nightstand. She held it close to her friend's mouth, and directed the straw in so that she could take a mouthful. Jo was about to tell her not to gulp it down, but she smiled as she saw her take just a small amount and then stop. "Better?"

Almost as if by habit, Rae blinked, just once, but as the beaker was removed she began to speak. "Thank … you."

"You are welcome. I have had Jesse paged an' he will be up in a few moments. Would you like me to do your hair an' brush your teeth so that you are a little bit more comfortable when you see him?"

Rae tried to nod, because speaking still hurt, but found that it hurt more to do that. "Yes … please." Jo rummaged around in her purse and took out a plastic case. Inside it was a comb, some perfume a toothbrush with paste and a pack of wet wipes.

By the time Jesse came racing into the room five minutes later, Rae had a clean, fresh face, neat hair, minty breath and she smelt better than she had for days. By giving Jo a few instructions they had managed to raise the head of the bed, and she was able to see her husband as soon as he arrived.

"Jess, have they found her?" Rae felt the tears in her eyes straight away as she asked the question that had been burning at her since she had seen her daughter taken from her.

"No, I don't think so, Jo have you spoken to Steve? I just tried and couldn't get a signal."

"I have, an' no, nothin' but now that the day is startin' again, well, who knows, I'm sure that today will be the day she comes home." Jo tried to sound positive, but she had heard the desperation in her fiancés voice, and she knew he was very worried.

By the time Steve and Ron had got to the bus station and looked through all the security videos for the previous day at around two o'clock it was almost eleven. As they had thought there was no sightings of Louise Willis in the bus station itself, and they were about to start on the taxi rank films.

It was Ron who spotted her first, "Look, there, she's getting in to a cab… can you rewind the film and stop it so we can see the cab?"

Slowly the film was played out again, and the two friends and the station manager peered at the screen. "Hey, that's Fred."

"Fred? You know the cab driver?" Steve looked at him; hope building as he heard the words.

"I sure do…" the station manager stopped talking as he heard a phone ring, and Steve watched as Ron pulled his cell out of his pocket.

"Wagner… ok, stay where you are, keep her in sight but don't be seen yourself, is she alone…? Ok." He flipped shut his phone. "She's in a bank; she used her ATM card and then went into the building, I'm sorry, Steve, but she doesn't have Eliana with her."

"Dammit." Steve turned to the station manager. "Ok, see if you can find Fred, we'll be back." With that the two men raced out of the building and didn't stop running until they were back in the parking lot and climbing into Steve's car.

As the car screamed along Broadway, Steve saw a bank fly past his window. "Why couldn't she have chosen that one? How long is this gonna take?"

Ron had his map book out, and was checking through to find the address. "1st Street, oh, right, down the next left, and then it's about five minutes I would say if the traffic is light, which it should be this time of day." His phone rang again. "Wagner… we're on our way… oh, ok. Are you plain clothes…? Go in then, make a withdrawal, pay in some cash, I don't care but get in the bank."

Louise sat at the desk filling in the forms to open a new bank account. She had hoped to do it all over the internet, but computer technology hadn't reached the Manse yet, and so she had come into town, she planned to get her finances sorted out, go to a travel agency to get some fare prices and then she would leave. Slowly she wrote down the name she would have to get used to using again. She put her address as her childhood home; it would serve for now, when she got to wherever it was she decided to go she would change that. Nobody would ever connect Louise Willis with Janine Reeves; she would quite literally get away with murder.

The young officer who had spotted the child abductor was Simon Albright. It was his first time in plain clothes, and he couldn't believe his luck in spotting the woman they were all searching for. He had taken his wallet out and discovering that he only had ten bucks on him decided that drawing out was a better option than paying in. He took his ATM card out and made his way over to the machine with the longest line. His partner was waiting just a few feet away from him; she had been over and kissed him gently on the cheek so that they appeared to be a normal couple. If he was honest he would love to be a normal couple with April Nox, tall, with brown ringlet curls, he found it extremely difficult to keep his mind on his work when he was paired with her.

April could see their suspect filling out a form, and she wandered by her picked up a pamphlet on opening a savings account and then walked slowly back towards her partner. As she did so she managed to get a close look at the form and for a moment her confidence wavered as she saw the name Janine Reeves, but then she realised that the woman was probably using an alias. A bank official came towards the woman and so April moved back to where Simon was almost at the machine. He had been queuing for just over five minutes, and now he had just one person in front of him.

Steve slowed down, and drove past the bank, pulling up into the first parking space he found, which was two stores down from where they wanted to be, unfortunately it was also on the wrong side of the street, and it took them a few moments to get across as they manoeuvred the early lunchtime traffic. Ron entered the bank first, with Steve right behind him. The bank had two sets of exterior doors, and as the two men moved further into the building they saw a younger man and woman move over to block the other exit. 

Louise had filled in all the person details, and was turning to see if she could catch the eye of the bank official that had just spoken to her when she saw the cop from Los Angeles come striding into the building. Cursing her bad luck she stood up quickly and looked round her, there were two exit signs, but she could see two people who were obviously cops standing by one of them, so if she wanted to get away she was gonna have to get past Sloan out into 1st Street and away. Suddenly darting towards the main doors she ran round the first man, who she knew she had seen with that Bentley woman, and then she pushed at Sloan, knocking him just off balance enough for her to get past him. There were still people in her way, and for a second she panicked, but she seemed to speed up and pushing at any and everybody she encountered she got to the doors. She knew that the person she could feel almost immediately behind her was that cop, and as she pushed her way through, she could feel him breathing hard behind her, and then she heard his voice.

"Willis, stop. This is the police, give yourself up." There was a screech of brakes and Steve looked away for a second. He knew from the sound, that Louise Willis would now never be able to tell them where Eliana was.


	29. 29 Clues and Kind Words

**Clues and Kind Words**

Jo had left Rae and Jesse together and once she had been to the cafeteria had some breakfast and freshened up herself, she returned to the Rae's floor but tapped on the glass to Alex's room. He was awake and smiled a small smile as he saw who it was.

"Hey, an' how are you feelin' this mornin'?"

"I still feel as if the sky fell on me, but I know I am lucky to be alive, so I guess I have to be grateful." 

Jo was instantly concerned, she moved over, looking at Shannon as she did so. "Honey, can I have a word with Alex for a moment, maybe you would like to go get some breakfast?"

"Ok, I won't be long though." Shannon left the room, and looked back for a moment as she passed the guard. Jo had taken her place next to the bed and had Alex's hand in hers. Shannon was glad for her presence, she hadn't been able to get Alex to say two words to her since he had woken up, and even though she knew that depression was common after such severe injuries, she hadn't expected him to feel so low so soon.

"Alex, look at me." Jo was concerned that he was avoiding her gaze.

"Why?"

"Because I love seein' your handsome face, why d'you think?" Jo felt a little cheered as her comment gained a smile. "Ok, you can either listen to me, or interrupt all you like, but I will say what I have to, it may just take a little longer that way." Jo tightened her grip slightly on her friend's hand. "You're right, you are lucky to be alive, an' everyone of us is just so relieved that you are on the mend, but you don't have to be lyin' here, feelin' that you should be grateful. When Rae came in from the prison an' you treated her, did you want her to be grateful for that?"

"No, of course not, it's my job, I know she's my friend, and I would always do what I could to help her, but I don't need anything other than the knowledge that I had done just that for anyone."

"An' why then, do you think it would be different for Wil? He was just doin' his job, an' I am sure that he was mighty relieved an' maybe even grateful himself that you survived the surgery, but he won't expect you to be grateful to him, that isn't why he does it."

Alex looked down at the bed sheets. He could see the dressing across his wound, and the bruises, which were becoming more livid; it seemed, by the minute. "But if I hadn't had that harebrained idea to take Eliana to see her mom then none of this would have happened. Rae wouldn't be even more badly hurt, we wouldn't be having this conversation, and … and Eliana would still be here… Jo, the whole thing is my fault." Alex could feel the tears rush up into his eyes, and then he felt Jo's hands on his arms.

"I know it is easy to blame yourself, but you have to stop it. Rae hasn't said anythin' about blamin' you, neither has Jesse, in fact Jesse sat in here with you, the whole time that Shannon was tellin' Steve all she knew about Eliana an' Louise, would he have done that if he blamed you for anythin'?"

"No, I guess not. Jo, I'm sorry, I'm just so scared… and … and Shannon, well we haven't been together very long, I can't expect her to stay here, but there's no one else." This time the tears fell and Alex began to cry. Jo moved herself onto the bed, making sure that she didn't pull down on the covers, and then very gently she took the young man into her arms. 

"Oh, Alex, darlin' you have us all, you know that. You are a part of a very special family of friends, an' we will all be here helpin' you every step of the way." Jo stopped talking then and let her friend cry himself out. Gradually after a few minutes she could tell that he was beginning to get himself under control and she ran her hand over his hair and then looked into his eyes. "I would guess that you will be feelin' a little better for that."

Alex had nodded, not trusting his voice, and then he had taken her hand in his. "I'm sorry. Nothing like this has ever happened to me like this before, I'm not normally this weak, I've only ever been in the hospital once before."

"An' that was when you saved Jesse's life, if I remember what Rae told me correctly. I know nothin' like this has happened to you before, Alex, it happens to very few people, but you are gettin' better, an' all of us will be here for you, you do know that now don't you?"

"Yes I do, and thank you Jo, I guess I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, huh?"

"Honey, you had every reason, but nothin' good ever comes from it, ok?"

"I'm sorry, Jo."

"Well, don't be, an' if you need me again, you just holler, y'hear?" Jo looked towards the door then and saw Shannon standing the other side of it. "I think I am just about to be replaced, by a younger model no less." Jo leant over and kissed Alex gently on the cheek. "You take care now, or you will have me to answer to."

"Yes, Ma'am." Alex smiled, he had to admit, he did feel a little better.

Jo passed Shannon as she left the room, and felt the girl's hand on her arm. "Thank you, he needed someone to do that with, and we haven't quite got to that stage yet." Jo felt relieved, she had worried that Shannon might feel that she was trying to muscle in on her boyfriend. Jo checked her watch; it was just after eleven thirty. She looked into Rae's room, and was worried to see that Rae was lying with her face away from Jesse, and he was just sitting, hunched up and scowling. Wondering whether she would be able to help either of the occupants of this room, as quickly as she had Alex, she moved cautiously inside.

"Rae, are you all right?"

"No, of course not. I just want to be left alone and Jesse won't go."

"Why do you want to be alone, Honey?"

"Yeah, maybe you will tell her, because you sure as hell won't tell me."

"Jesse!" Jo glared at her friend. Losing his temper wasn't going to help. She could understand why Rae wanted to be alone, she knew that when things got tough she retreated to her bedroom and watched from a distance for a while until she knew what to do and how to do it.  Well right now this was her bedroom, and now that she was no longer dependent on the ventilator she wanted to be alone to work through the devastating events of the last weeks, and especially the last few days.

"Jess, why don't you an' me go an' get a cup of coffee, we can just let Rae have half an hour to herself, an' then we will come back. Honey, would that help you d'you think?"

Rae very slowly and painfully moved her head back so that she was facing them, and Jesse knew that he was going to have to put a brace on her before the day was out. "Yes, thank you."

"Rae…"

"Jesse, just leave it, she will be fine, she has a guard on the door, an' a buzzer under her fingers. So, cup of coffee, now." Jo put her arm gently around the doctor's shoulders and led him towards the door. They stopped and just informed the officers there where they were going, and then to her relief, Rae found herself alone.

She shut her eyes, and began to look back at the memories that she had only regained the day before yesterday. She could see herself standing in Jo's house, her beautiful wedding dress making her look more like a film star than a cop. She remembered the photo that she'd had taken, she had been sat on a stool, with the train of her dress swirling around the legs of her seat. Patrick and John had been standing behind her, one young man by each shoulder, Mara had been sitting on the stool next to her mother, and Eliana, in her beautiful lacy dress had been cradled in her mother's arms. Rae smiled to herself, despite the tears in her eyes. No one had ever seen that photo, not even Jesse. She kept it in her closet, on the shelf underneath her sweaters. She didn't know herself why she didn't have it on show, or why she hadn't let Jesse see it, or be in it, but she did know that if she had to give up or leave everything else in this world, the four people in that picture with her were more important than anything else.

She thought of Steve, and knew that he would be searching for her child as if his own life depended on it. She knew that he loved the little girl as if she was his, and that made her feel a little more confident about getting her back. 

Jesse's face came into her mind, and she smiled fleetingly. She had treated him very badly over the last few weeks, and she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to explain to him why. But suddenly she felt that if she didn't talk to him now, she would keep it inside her for ever, and he might not be prepared to wait that long to hear her. Slowly and painfully Rae pressed down on the buzzer underneath her right hand and waited. She felt that the action hadn't been quite as painful as usual, but she didn't try it again. 

A young nurse put her head round the door, and smiled. "Yes, Detective Yeager?"

"Could you page my husband, and ask him to come see me please?" Rae looked at the young woman in front of her, and smiled. It felt good to be called by her rank again.

"Yes, Ma'am."

Two minutes later, Jesse came into the room, the worry and anxiety evident in his face.  Texas wasn't with him; Rae had known that unless she had mentioned her name she wouldn't come.

"Jess, please shut the door." Rae watched him as he did so. Then she carefully raised her right hand off the bed, so that he would come and sit that side of her. It seemed that he always went to the left, and that side hurt too much to even think about moving.

"Honey, please don't shut me out anymore, I don't think I can bear it." Jesse felt his voice waver. 

"I know, and I won't. I need to talk to you, Jesse, I am so very sorry."

"What for?"

"For what you said, for shutting you out. I threw you out of our house, Eliana too, when what I really wanted to do was just have you hold me tight and never let go. And now, when I can finally see that, you can't do it to me any more." Rae swallowed down her tears. If she cried she wouldn't be able to finish what she wanted to say. "When you finally got me to talk, really talk, about the dreams, and what they meant, I felt better, and I should have realised then that the one person in the world who could really help me get through all my problems was the one person who really wanted to do so."

"Then, why, Rae, why did you make me go away?" Jesse didn't know if he should speak, he knew that Rae had more to say, but he had questions that needed answering, and that was the main one.

"Because, I thought that if you left then nothing bad could happen to you. That you would learn to stop loving me, and move on. I had so many problems, and I thought that if I was left alone I would be able to sort them out, and maybe even move on myself."

"And now?"

"And now, I know that I was wrong. Jesse, I love you, I don't ever want to be like that again. My life isn't complete without you, please Jesse, don't hate me."

"Oh, Honey, I could never do that. I didn't hate you when you threw me out, I just went to Steve's and tried to work out what had happened, but I never ever stopped loving you, not for one second."

"Oh, Jesse, please, is there someway you can hold me? I just need to feel your arms round me so much."

Jesse moved closer to the head of the bed, and very carefully he sat on the edge. Then he positioned himself so that he was exactly opposite Rae, and he leant into her. He felt her let out a breath, and then she slowly rested her head on his shoulder. He raised one arm, and stroked her face. "I can't put my arms round you, not yet, but when you get in the chair, then I will, I promise."

For a minute or two they sat, completely still, just needing the contact that the strange position gave them. Then Rae began to speak.  "Jesse, what will we do if they don't find her? I just want my little girl back, so that we can be a family again." Jesse felt her shoulders begin to heave, as her tears fell, and the feelings of helplessness that were resting just below the surface came up in him too, and with a gasp he began to cry, deep and desperate sobs, for the daughter he'd waited so long for, and had for so short a time. The room was silent then, apart from the weeping of the two people in it as finally they found the support they needed in each other.

When Jesse had got the page to go to Rae's room Jo had known to stay away. She contemplated going to see Alex, but she didn't want to intrude into either couple's lives right now, and so in the end she had stayed where she was in the doctor's lounge, waiting until it seemed the right time for her to return to her friends. She had just checked her watch and found it to be a little after twelve when her cell phone began to ring. 

"Hello? Steve, Honey, have you got any news?… Oh, God, an' Eliana, was she there with her?… Steve, how are you gonna find her now?… No, no, they needed some time on their own, but I will go tell them. Steve, do you want me to come to you?… Oh, ok, yeah, if Jesse doesn't need me then, I'll do that. Steve, you keep in touch now, y'hear?"

Steve closed up his phone and took a deep breath. He had heard the tremor in Jo's voice, and it had made his emotions waver for a moment. The body of Louise Willis was being transported to the local morgue, and they still didn't have Eliana. As he stood there, the female cop from inside the bank came running up to him. 

"Sir, Sir. You need to look at this." She was holding a piece of paper in a gloved hand, and he could tell that she was delighted with herself.

"Yes, Officer… what is it?" Steve tried to remember her name, but his mind was too full of other things.

"It is the form she was filling out. There's an address on it, Sir."

Steve looked at the address, which was in North Fine Avenue. "Do you know where this is?"

"Yes, Sir, it's out by the air terminal. Would you like me to accompany you?"

"Yes, yes, that would be good. You get your partner, if you lead the way, we'll follow. We don't know who else will be there, but somebody will need to tell them about Louise's death. If Eliana is there we are gonna need to get her to a doctor as soon as we can.  Ron, we have an address." Steve was walking and talking at the same time, and the FBI agent had to run to keep up. 

Soon the two of them were in Steve's car and heading out towards the airport. 

"Did you call Jo?"

"Yeah, she's gonna tell Jesse and Rae, and then she is gonna go and stay with Dad."

"Won't she want to stay with Rae?"

"Yeah, probably, I know she's Jo's best friend, and she loves her like a sister, but Rae will just want Jesse with her right now, she won't be able to cope with anybody else."

Ron looked over at his friend, and realised just how close he was to Rae. He seemed to understand just how she thought and would react, and he knew that however this case panned out, the four of them would survive because of the close friendship they shared.

It took just over an hour before the cars turned into a tree-lined road, and they began to look for house numbers. It was a nice area, and as they drove past a signpost they could see that Phillips Junior College was on North Fine Avenue.  As they got closer to the intersection with Clinton Way the young officer in the car in front began to indicate. 

"Steve, you need to slow down now, they are parking just over there on your left."

The place they wanted would have been easy to spot had they known what they were looking for. The houses either side were painted white, and had window boxes full of winter flowering plants on each ledge of their three storeys. The house in the middle was grey and peeling. It looked as if no one had been near it with a paintbrush since the invention of emulsion, and the garden was just a mess of weeds and thistles.

The four officers left the cars and walked slowly towards the house. Steve took his ID out of his pocket and then banged on the door. "Open up, Police." He could see that Ron had his gun in his hand, and when he turned his head slightly the two other officers, whose names still escaped him, were heading round to the back of the property.

There was silence, but Steve was sure that the house was occupied. He had kicked his way into more houses than he would ever be able to imagine, and he had a kind of sixth sense about them now. This house may be quiet and tatty, but it was lived in. He banged on the door once more. "Open up, Police, now, or I'll kick the door in."

Gradually they heard the sound of feet walking down a hallway, and the door began to open. Steve stuck his badge into the gap as soon as it was large enough, and waited.

"What!" The voice was slurred, and after Steve had recovered from the fumes he began to speak.

"Are you Mr. Willis?"

"No. Reeves, Vernon Reeves."

"Reeves?"

"Yep. That's what I said." The man coughed, and the smell of whiskey wafted further out into the air.

Steve's mind raced, and then he realised what he had to ask. "Do you have a daughter, called Janine Reeves?"

"Nope, not any more. Bitch ran out on me ten years ago, she's been dead ever since."

"Vernon, who is it?" A voice floated through to the doorway and Steve took the opportunity as the man turned towards it, to put his foot in the door.

"Can we come in please, Sir, we need to ask you a few questions?"

"The step is good enough for you, cop."

"Ok, when did you say was the last time you saw your daughter?" Steve knew that he desperately needed the information that this man had, and so decided to stay where he was.

"Ten years ago. She walked out on me and her mom, ten years ago, an' we ain't seen her since."

"Sir, where did she go when she left you?"

"It was ten years ago, how the hell am I supposed to know."

"She was a minor ten years ago, you should have reported it." Ron moved slightly so he was standing behind Steve.

"Yeah, well, I didn't, so sue me."

"Did she have any friends, or other relations in Fresno that she might have gone to when she left here?" Steve knew that this was the only lead they had left. If this drunken bully didn't know the answer to his question, then they would have to go back to the station and start over, with TV appeals, flyers everything from scratch.

"Only that fool priest." Vernon Reeves turned his head slightly and spat, the globule he produced landing squarely on Steve's shoe. "Bingo!"

Steve repressed a shudder. "What priest?"

"Miles, Father Miles. Silly old goat, probably dead by now."

"Do you know where he lives? Or lived." Steve prayed that he was still alive; otherwise the dead end would come up to meet them once again.

"Nope, but his house was called, now what was it…? Mant something, mantl, no manse, that's it, he lived at the Manse."

"Vernon, Honey, come back inside. Mama needs you."

"I gotta go, cop. You have a nice day y'hear."

"Hold on, Sir." Steve looked over at Ron, and he walked to the side of the house and indicated to the two other officers to return to the front.

"You will need to let these two officers into your home, they have some bad news about your daughter."

"Sir, I'm Officer Nox, and this is Officer Albright, may we come in?"

"Seems like I have no choice."

"Vernon!"

"Juney, will you hush, get down here, the cops have something to say about Janine."

Steve looked over at the two young people in front of him, and Officer Nox began to speak. "Sir, you go and find that baby, we'll be fine here." The two officers watched as Steve and Ron headed back towards their car, and wondered just how close to the end they really were.

Jo had gone up to see Jesse and Rae, and had found them in each other's arms, crying together. She had sat outside the door for just over five minutes, trying to work out in her mind how to tell them that Eliana's kidnapper had been killed and they had no idea where the baby was. Jo still didn't know how to begin talking, and in the end she closed her eyes and waited until she became aware that the noise had stopped, and then taking a deep breath she walked into the room.

Steve and Ron could feel the urgency of their task building higher and higher, and Ron was on his phone before the engine started. "This is Agent Wagner, I need an address, the house is called the Manse, and the guy who lives there is Father Miles."

"Yes, Sir. Sir, is Lieutenant Sloan still with you?"

Steve could hear the dispatch officer's voice as she spoke.

"Yeah, why?"

"The manager from the bus depot called, he said that Fred dropped the girl off in the Michigan Avenue area."

"And the Manse, is that in the Michigan Avenue area?"

"I'm just checking, Sir."

There was silence in the car then, and for a moment Steve let the engine die. He picked up the map book, and found his way to the page with Michigan Avenue in it. He reckoned that it would take them about ten minutes to get there.

"328, Michigan Avenue, Sir. The Manse, Father Miles is the addressee I have here."

"Thank you."

Steve started the car again, and then the two men looked at each other. This could be all or nothing. If Eliana wasn't at this address, then she could quite literally be anywhere.


	30. 30 Dangerous Medicine

**Dangerous Medicine**

Jesse and Rae had listened to what Jo said without a word. They didn't know what to say, not even to each other, and now that she had left to go back to Mark they still sat in silence. 

Jesse finally stood up and moved over to the window and stared out. As he looked down towards the ground he could see fairy lights, and trees in windows, and he realised that before long it would be Christmas Day, and for the first time in his life, he didn't care. 

Rae watched her husband and wished with all her heart that she could get up and move across to him, but she couldn't even push herself off the bed without the pain taking over and robbing her of her strength. She sat and tried to work out something to say that would maybe help him, but she knew that nothing could. In the end she shut her eyes, the agony that Jesse was projecting was just too hard for her to watch any more.

Michael opened the door for Jo before she was even out of her car. She walked in, placing a hand on his arm as she passed. "Michael I need to speak to you, Mark an' Tony, where are they?"

"They are in the morning room, Madam."

Jo moved into the room that looked out over her gardens. It was a lovely room, and was the one that she and Steve had stood in to receive the guests at Rae and Jesse's wedding. She couldn't believe that it was only three months since that wonderful day. 

"Jo, have you heard from Steve?" Mark looked up at her, and Jo could see the weariness in his features. She had, she realised with a guilty conscience, let his injury and recovery slip to the back of her mind as Eliana had taken over all their thoughts.

"I have, an' I promised him that I would come an' tell y'all what was happenin'." Jo moved over and sat down in one of the chairs nearest the window. The winter sunlight was causing shadows to be cast through the glass, and the pattern of the nets was spread across the carpet. For a moment Jo looked at the intricate swirls and lines, and then gathering her thoughts she began to speak, knowing that what she had to say would affect the three men in front of her almost as badly as it had Rae and Jesse.

Steve and Ron pulled up outside a brick wall with a large black and once gold gate in the middle. The words The Manse were bent into the wrought ironwork in between the handle and the hinges and either side of this gate the walls were overgrown with overhanging trees and bushes. It had rained briefly as they had made their way from the Reeves' residence to the Manse, but underneath the overhang the sidewalk was dry.

Steve got out and locked his door, then he waited for Ron to walk round to his side of the car and with a deep breath he opened the gate and entered the dark and dingy world where they hoped against hope that Eliana was waiting for them. As they walked Steve found that he couldn't keep his anxiety under control, and he broke into a run. Ron realised that there was nothing for it but to join him, and together they jogged up to the door of a house that looked as if it belonged in a Dickensian novel. There was a metal rod hanging down just to the left of the door handle, and at the end of it was an oval shaped handle, which just took Steve's large hand inside it. He pulled down on the bell and waited.

"Jesse, please, come back over here, I can't do this on my own, I am so frightened for her, and I know you are too." Rae had already asked her husband to come back to her side once, and he had ignored her. She had no idea if it was because he wouldn't or couldn't answer.

Slowly Jesse turned his face and Rae gasped. He seemed to have aged before her eyes. He moved back over and sat next to her. "They aren't gonna find her, are they?"

"Jesse, don't. You know that Steve will do everything he can to get her back to us. She is out there somewhere, and someday soon we will get her back. You have to believe that."

"I wish I could, but I looked at the websites on missing children when Jo stayed with you last night, a mile a minute, that's what they figure. Once a child is taken they disappear at a mile a minute. Well she has been gone for two days, that is forty-eight hours, which is eight hundred and eighty miles. She could be in Denver, almost in Seattle, Salt Lake City …"

"Jesse, stop it. Steve saw Louise Willis in Fresno, she was killed there, Eliana has to be there too."

"Oh get real Rae, she never cared for Eliana, she just took her to hurt you. If she hasn't killed her then she has probably sold her by now, she was in a bank after all."

"No! No! Jesse, just go. Get out!" Rae was screaming now, she couldn't believe that Jesse felt this way, that their little girl was gone, and that nothing that anybody did could bring her back to them. She had exploded into action and even though it caused her more pain than she thought possible, she raised her right arm and pointed to the door.  "Get out and don't come back until you have something good to say."

The nurse on duty, and Shannon who was next door came rushing to the door of Rae's room in time to see Doctor Travis storm off down the hallway, and Detective Yeager collapse back on her pillows her face ashen and her breath coming in painful gasps.

Shannon rushed up to the woman in the bed. She didn't think that she wouldn't know who she was, but she also knew she had to help her. "Detective Yeager, take slow breaths, try and get them a little more shallow, slowly," Shannon turned to the nurse by the door, who she was pleased to see, was one of her best friends. "Katie, get Doctor Collins up here please." She turned back to the woman in front of her, and hoping to use her voice to calm her down, began to talk. "You don't know me, Ma'am, but my name is Shannon, and I'm Alex's girlfriend. He is doing so much better today, and is just itching to get out of bed so that he can come visit with you… that's right, slowly, it will be all right, is it hurting less now?" Shannon could see that the Detective was in control of herself a little more now. "Would you like me to get you anything, or anyone? I would guess you don't want to be on your own right now."

"No… no I'm ok… I think that… being on my own… is what I do need… right now." Rae stopped talking for a moment, and tried to regulate her breathing a little more. After a moment or two she began to speak again. "Thank you, Shannon, you can go back to Alex, please… please tell him that I am so… sorry about what happened, and… that I miss his company."

Shannon smiled, "I will, hey, easy." Shannon stopped moving as the pain spread across Rae's face again."

"It … it's all right, I just hurt … everywhere. You go… I promise I won't move… any more." Rae shut her eyes, and tried to relax her body back into the bed. She wasn't lying when she said every part of her hurt, but the pain in her heart was the one that was the hardest to bear.

Shannon had no intention of leaving until she knew that Doctor Collins was on his way up, but as she moved over to press the call button and check with Katie again, she saw him enter the room.

"Thank you, Nurse, you may return to your duties." Doctor Collins had smiled as he spoke, and Shannon had moved over towards him.

"If I may just have a moment, Doctor." She took him to one side, and quickly told him what had happened, and then, as instructed she left the room.

"Rae, what happened?"

"Nothing, I'm sorry you have been … been bothered." Rae had to take a breath as she was speaking, and her ribs and neck rebelled as she did so.

"Rae, I think I need to be the judge of that, you look to me like you are in a lot of pain, and that isn't good. Let me check your chart and then I can sort out some pain relief for you."

"You do whatever you want, Doctor, I'm not going anywhere." Rae shut her eyes, and as she did so, she saw the fury and hurt in her husband's eyes as he had stormed out of her room. She still couldn't believe what he had said to her, and she prayed with every fibre of her being that it wasn't true.

It had seemed like hours had passed between when Steve had rung the bell and the door actually opening. He held his ID in his hand and waited. The woman in front of them had been about seventy years old, he reckoned, with steel grey hair, pulled back into an untidy bun. She was wearing a brown woollen dress and she had a flowery apron over the top that she was drying her hands on as she stood there. 

"Yes, can I help you?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I'm Lieutenant Sloan, LAPD, and this is Agent Wagner, FBI, we are searching for a missing baby, Eliana Jessica Travis, and we have reason to think that she might be here." He couldn't say that this was the only lead they had, he had trouble even thinking it, but Steve was almost desperate in his need to believe that they were at the end of their trail. 

"No, I have never heard that name before, I'm sorry."

"Have you seen a child who looks like this, but with shorter hair?" Ron held out the picture of Eliana that they had been circulating, unable to believe that somebody hadn't heard about her. He knew that there had been false sightings everywhere from New York to Miami, and most places in between. In fact almost every force in the country had one or two officers following up non-existent leads.

"Have you seen this child?" As Steve spoke a noise chilled him to the bone, he heard a baby cry, a high, agonised wail that trailed off and turned into a deep and painful fit of coughing. "Ma'am, that is the baby we are looking for, please let me in." Steve recognised his goddaughter's cry, even in her distress and he felt his fists clench as he began to move towards the entryway, intending to barge his way in if necessary.

"No, no, that's Janine's baby, she just has a little cough at the moment, she will be asleep in a minute, she has just had her medicine."

Ron moved in front of Steve, he didn't want this to end in disaster, and he knew that Steve wasn't thinking completely rationally right now. To his relief, as he showed his FBI badge, the woman in front of him seemed to collapse against the wall and the two men raced past her, following the crying and coughing to a room at the end of the hallway, where they screeched to halt to find Eliana lying in a basket by the fire, her face red and flushed, and her eyes closed. As they entered the room the coughing stopped, and she lay deadly still.

Jesse had raced out of Rae's room, down in the elevator, out of the hospital and just kept running. He had no idea where he was going, but he knew that he just had to put distance between himself and Rae, just for a short while, so that he could sort out his feelings. For the first time he began to understand why she had pushed him away when she had been so troubled. She hadn't wanted to hurt him any more than he was hurting all ready, but he had said the terrible things to her just now, because for a moment he had wanted her to hurt as much as he was, but there was more to it than that, at least he hoped there was. He knew that Eliana was in a desperate situation, and could very well have been sold, or worse. By telling Rae that, even in anger, she was at least a little prepared should they not get their little girl back.

Jesse wasn't sure if he was even thinking rationally, and he wouldn't be surprised if all his thoughts were complete gibberish, because right now his brain was so scrambled that he didn't think he could even find his way home. He finally spotted an empty park bench, even though he hadn't realised that he was in a park, and he sank gratefully onto it. Then he put his head in his hands, and tried to work out how he was ever going to get Rae to forgive him for what he had done.

Steve got his cell phone out and dialled 911. Then he turned to the woman who had finally caught them up. The operator answered and he barked his instructions into the phone. As he folded it down he began to speak again. "Don't you watch the television or listen to the radio? This little girl's description has been on every station for the past forty eight hours, she is ill, and she was kidnapped."

"No, no, Janine came, and … and she said that the child was hers. She isn't called … whatever it was you said she was called. Her name is Phil… I guess it's short for Philippa." The woman was getting distraught now, and her voice was coming out as a whisper.

"My God." Steve's voice was a whisper too. He wondered how Rae would react to the fact that her daughter had spent the last two days being called Phil and he resolved there and then to make sure she didn't ever find out. His feet refused to work, and even though he needed to get to Eliana he couldn't do it. He turned just in time to see Ron kneel down by the basket and gently take the child out and into his arms.

"Steve, she's burning up, her breathing is very shallow, and she definitely needs a clean diaper." The urgency in Ron's voice shattered Steve's inactivity and he rushed to the aid of his goddaughter.

"I called for an ambulance, but we could clean her up, couldn't we? Ma'am where are all the things to change her?" Steve wasn't used to feeling helpless, and he knew that there was nothing he could do to make Eliana better, but at least he could make sure that she was comfortable. "You said she had medicine, what did you give her?"

The woman moved slightly and picked up a diaper bag, which she handed over without a word, inside it Steve could see a bottle of some sort of adult medication, and for a moment he had to concentrate hard just to keep a grip on himself. "This isn't for children, why did you give her this?"

"It was all we had, and she was coughing so badly, beside the first time I gave it to her she slept soundly."

"You gave this to her more than once?" Ron could see the bottle in the bag, and he knew that Eliana could be in big trouble in more ways than one.

Steve gently took her from Ron and lay her down on the changing part of the bag. He took off the blue all in one suit she was wearing and the odour from her diaper made him reel back. "When was she changed last?"

"Janine changed her before she left this morning." The woman was looking round like a trapped animal, and Ron moved over behind her so that she didn't have a chance to run. Then he took out his cell phone and began to put a call through to dispatch to get a couple of officers over to the Manse to interview the woman, who he realised he still didn't know the name of, and tell her about the death of Janine Reeves.

"And when was that?" Steve had his back to the woman now.

"She left here early, about nine maybe a little before that."

"Good grief, that was five hours ago." Steve undid the sticky pads and gently took the offending article off and he could see the red angry diaper rash as he did so. Eliana moaned and moved slightly, but she didn't wake, and Steve knew then that she was unconscious. He gently wiped the little girl over and he put a layer of rash ointment on the inflammation and put her in a fresh diaper. Steve looked around, he didn't want to ask the woman to leave the room but he needed something else. Suddenly realising what he could do, he took another wipe and soothingly ran it across Eliana's face and neck, hoping the coolness of the sheet would lower her temperature. The atmosphere in the room seemed to change slightly, from one of anxious angry distrust to one of relief, tempered by the knowledge that time was still of the essence. Ron moved a little further into the room as Steve tenderly put a clean all in one vest on the child, and watched as his friend, who suddenly seemed to be so big compared to the tiny child in his hands, made her feel just a little more comfortable. After a few moments of silence Ron began to speak in hushed tones.

"Sloan, you're gonna be a great dad some day."

Steve grinned, as he finished his task never taking his eyes off Eliana's flushed and troubled face. "I had a great role model," he replied, and then he added, "You know, CJ and Dion think the world of you. So does Amanda."

"Yeah, well, there's a lot of other things that have to work out before I could ever be a dad to them and a husband to her. You and Jo are lucky. You live in the same city and life has given you the time to be together."

"The FBI has an LA bureau, Ron."

Suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation, Ron said, "Let's just get you and Jo married off first, then you can worry about the rest of us." He stroked Eliana's cheek with one finger and, disturbed again by the heat radiating from it, said, "Now, let's get this little one to the hospital so that we can get her checked out and home where she belongs."

As they moved with Eliana down the hallway an elderly man came out of a side room. He was wearing the accepted dress of a Catholic Priest, and Steve and Ron both stopped.

"Who are you, and where are you going with that child?"

"I'm Lieutenant Steve Sloan, LAPD, and this is Agent Ron Wagner, FBI, this child is the baby who was snatched from Community General Hospital in LA, everybody has been looking for her for the past two days."

"I told them Father, I told them that it was Janine's baby, but the picture they had, well it was her, those dark eyes, they were like Janine I know, but the baby in the photo, she looks like Phil, I don't know what else to do."

The doorbell clanged down the hallway at that moment, and the woman looked at the priest. "Tilda, just answer the door, I will deal with this."

"What evidence do you have that this child isn't Janine's?"

"I'm sorry, Father… Father?" Ron decided that it would probably be better if he answered the question.

"Father Miles, and I have known Janine since she was a baby herself."

"Father, we know Janine by the name of Louise Willis, and two days ago she took this child from its mother and fled. She is Eliana Travis, there is no doubt about it."

Two men came rushing down the hallway and Steve gratefully handed his precious armful to the paramedic who came over to him. "Ron, I am going with her, the other cops are here now, will you come too?"

"Yeah, where are you going?"

Steve looked over at the man as he headed down the hallway with Eliana. The paramedic called as he ran. "Valley Children's Hospital"

"I'll find it. Steve, call Jesse."

By the time Steve had thrown his keys to Ron, headed out of the house and reached the ambulance, Eliana was already inside. Steve noticed the cheerful picture of children painted on the outside as he climbed into the ambulance. Eliana had a facemask on to give her oxygen, and she was lying in a small bed obviously designed for tiny children. The ambulance drew away from the kerb and with its siren wailing started its journey to the hospital.

Steve knew that now there was nothing he could do but leave his goddaughter in the hands of the experienced man and woman working on her in front of him. The man had a badge in the shape of a clown, which said 'Jack' on it, and the lady, whose name was 'Hayleigh', had a fat cat. He leant back in the seat that folded down from the side of the ambulance for the anxious parent or guardian taking a child to hospital, rested the diaper bag on his lap, and for a moment took the time to look around him. The ambulance was unlike any he had ever seen before and he had been in a few in his time. The whole interior was painted with blue moons and yellow stars. He could see a TV and VCR up on one wall, and even a CD player. All the equipment that was hooked up in close proximity to the small child size bed was obviously designed to be used just for children. As the ambulance turned a sharp corner Steve saw a soft giraffe in a net bag attached to the wall. With a smile he took it out and gently placed it in the end of Eliana's crib.

"Sir, are you the child's father?" the woman who had been working on Eliana began to speak.

"No, no, I'm her godfather, and I am also the cop who was in charge of finding her. You do know who she is, don't you?"

"Yes, Sir, we do."

"What is wrong with her?"

"We think she has what is known as RSV."

"Which is?"

"Respiratory Syncytial Virus. It's very common, it causes cold symptoms, but if left unchecked it can cause serious respiratory tract infection in babies and young children, she will be examined at the hospital and they will confirm our initial diagnosis."

"She had a chest infection, she was brought to Community General in Los Angeles by her sitter because of it. She had been sick a couple of times according to the nurse on duty." Steve tried to think back and realised that it seemed like a lifetime had passed not just two days.

"Her breathing has been seriously compromised by this, which is why she is on a respirator and she is almost completely unresponsive."

Steve remembered the bottle he had in the bag. "This, she was given this, at least twice."

The nurse just looked at the bottle and shook her head. She took it from the worried man in front of her and stowed it safely away to show the doctor in charge once they got to the hospital, she didn't think she should go into details of the extra danger that medicine had placed the little girl in.  "I understood that she was eight months old, was she a small baby?"

"Yeah, her mom was only seven months pregnant when she gave birth. Why, does that make it worse?" Steve knew the answer before he even asked the question.

"It does. She will need to go into the ICU when we get to Valley, will her parents be able to get here to be with her?"

"I don't know, her mom is in the hospital herself right now, and her dad will be with her, but I am about to call them to let them know I have found her, so I will let you know."

"Sir, do you think you could wait until we arrive at the hospital? The cell phone can cause the machines to have problems."

"Of course… How is she?" Steve put his phone back in his pocket and looked over at the tiny figure in the bed.

"Well, as you are her godfather, and you found her, I guess I can give you some details." Hayleigh paused for a moment, and Steve could tell she was working out just how much to tell him.  "She is very sick. This infection can be just mild, or it can worsen at an alarming rate. That is what I would say has happened here. As I said she is having trouble with her breathing, and she has an extremely high temperature, has she been coughing do you know?"

"Yeah, I know she was coughing until she was sick when she was at home, but her father is a doctor and he was checking her over, he wasn't overly concerned about her. When we found her she was coughing then too, but … she stopped just as we arrived." Steve didn't want to say that she stopped doing anything as they arrived.

"That would have been two days ago, Sir. She was probably just suffering from a very mild infection at that time, but she hasn't been treated, and that is why it has gotten so very much worse, and the bottle of medication, well that is another problem all together." The air was suddenly split by a beeping sound that filled every cell in Steve's body with dread. The nurse turned back to her patient, and he heard her begin to take control of the situation.

"She's flat lining, I need the defibrillators, STAT…"

Steve held his breath as he saw the nurse pick up two tiny paddles.

"Clear…Again …Clear…"

Steve looked away; he couldn't bear it any longer. 

"Again … Clear … Ok, she's back."

"Oh, thank God." Steve let out the breath in a rush of air, and felt the phone in his pocket. He knew that he couldn't ring Jesse yet, but if the situation had demanded that he tell him he had found his daughter alive, but they had lost her on the way to the hospital, he wasn't sure if he could have done it.

The ambulance slowed and then stopped and the back doors silently opened. Steve looked around and saw a bright and cheerful ambulance bay. There were pictures of sea creatures and happy smiling doctors and nurses all over the walls, and as he stepped down out of the vehicle, in spite of the seriousness of the situation, he found himself smiling along with them.

Hayleigh and Jack gently pushed Eliana's special bed off the ambulance and straight into a waiting trauma suite. Steve moved away from all the action for a moment to gather his thoughts and put his call through to Jesse.

Five minutes later he was ready to throw his phone through the nearest window. He had tried and tried to get Jesse and was getting nothing. In the end his senses kicked back in and he called through to Amanda. He heard the ringing of her phone and then her calm and efficient voice cut through the air.

"Doctor Bentley, County Medical Examiner… Steve? Where are you … did you find her…? Oh, thank God… No, I haven't seen him; he's with Rae isn't he…? Oh, ok, look I'll go find him, and I'll get him to call you. Steve, how is she…? Yeah, I've heard of it, Steve she is so small, it could be very dangerous… I know, look I'll go find him, you just keep her safe, y'hear?"

Amanda put the phone down in her lab and rushed from the room, she headed straight for the elevator, and then counted the seconds impatiently until she reached the floor she needed. As the doors opened she was out of them and running towards Rae's room. As she got there a large police officer barred her way.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but Detective Yeager is now receiving no visitors. Her doctor has sedated her, and I have instructions to let no-one in."

Amanda looked about her, her thoughts racing. "Where is Doctor Travis?"

"He left about an hour ago… you're their friend aren't you Ma'am, I've seen you together."

"Yes, yes, why what happened?"

"The doctor left his wife, they argued, I didn't hear it all." The officer had in fact heard every word, but he wasn't going to repeat it, he liked Detective Yeager, and wasn't about to start rumours. "Doctor … ah … Collins came up to see her, and after a while he came out and told me he had sedated her, to help her cope with her pain, and that she was to be left completely undisturbed until the morning."

"And Doctor Travis?"

"I don't know, Ma'am, he left here in a hurry, and he hasn't come back yet."

"If he comes back get him to call Lieutenant Sloan, STAT."

"Ma'am, if you don't mind me asking, have they found her?"

Amanda smiled for a second. "Yes, they have, she is poorly, but they have her, and she is safe."

Amanda turned then to walk away, but a thought came to her. "Officer, do you have a number for Jo Walters?"

The officer checked his list. "Yes, Ma'am, she is one of the people we are to contact in an emergency."

"Call her, ask her to come over, no, never mind I'll do it. I know Doctor Collins said no visitors, but I want you to let her in. I will clear it with the good doctor."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Oh, and Officer … Officer…?"

"Holland, Ma'am."

"Holland, thank you for caring about her."

The officer smiled then, and this time Amanda did move away.  As she disappeared round the corner Shannon came out of room next to Rae's.

"Officer, was that Doctor Bentley, did she say that they had found her?"

The officer moved over to the young woman looking out of the doorway. He had been chatting with her now and again since they had heard of Louise Willis's death, and the guard detail had been reduced to just him. "Yes, Ma'am, they have her."

"Oh, thank God. I'll tell Alex. Thank you."

Shannon moved back in and over to where Alex was lying. He was sleeping naturally, and though in the normal course of events she wouldn't have dreamt of waking him now she had no hesitation. "Alex, Alex, darling, you need to wake up."

Alex felt a hand on his arm, gently shaking him. Even the slight movement sent a wave of pain through him, and he took a sharp breath before opening his eyes. "What? Shannon, don't… hurts."

"I'm sorry, but Alex, they found her. She's all right."

Alex didn't need to ask who, his whole body relaxed and a tear stole down his cheek. "Oh, Shannon, thank goodness, Oh." He couldn't say anything else, the tears were running freely now, and his breath was coming in gasps. He could feel the pain that his tears were causing, but the relief was even greater, and he took Shannon in his arms and pulled her close to him and was able to once again enjoy her presence.

Amanda searched the hospital and grounds; she had called Jo and told her the news. She had promised to tell Mark, Michael and Tony, grateful that the bleak picture she had painted for them earlier could be replaced with one of hope, and then she would head into the hospital so that she would be with her friend, should she wake up and find Jesse not there. It had taken her a while to do so, but Amanda had also spoken to Doctor Collins, and he had agreed with her that Jo should be with Rae. That had all been successful, but her search for Jesse was not. She stood on the sidewalk outside the main gates to the hospital, because she knew that he was nowhere inside, and had no idea where to go. As she looked about her she saw Jo driving up towards her, and indicating to pull into the parking lot. She waved her hand, and as the car stopped beside her she opened the door and climbed in.

"Hey, Amanda, did you find Jesse yet?" Jo's face was more relaxed than of late, but there was worry in her eyes.

"No, and no one has seen him. I have tried calling his cell, but he is either out of range, his battery is low or he has it switched off."

"I can't believe he would have turned it off, it must be the battery." Jo pulled into a parking space and the two women got out of the car and headed into the hospital. They talked about inconsequential things as they walked, looking around all the time, hoping to spot the tousle haired doctor they knew so well, but they arrived back inside without seeing him.

Shannon came out of Alex's room as they walked past his door and placed her hand on Jo's arm. "The policeman told me about the baby, I am so glad she is safe, and so is Alex. He has fallen asleep again now, but I just wanted you to know that I had told him."

"Honey, you make sure you go home to sleep tonight. He will be fine now, an' he is sedated at night anyway isn't he?" Jo waited while Shannon nodded. "So, I don't expect to see you after supper, or before breakfast, ok?"

"Yeah, I will, now that everything is all right again I feel really tired. I guess Rae and Jesse feel that way too." Shannon smiled and went back into the room, and Amanda and Jo sat down, both of them realising that everybody knew about Eliana except her parents.


	31. 31 Home Truths

**Home Truths**

Steve moved over towards the doorway to Eliana's trauma room, and stood uncertainly outside it. He wasn't used to being a stranger in a hospital, and he didn't want to go anywhere he shouldn't be.

As he stood there the double doors opened, and the small gurney was wheeled out. A different nurse to the one he had spoken to before moved up towards him. She was wearing a dinosaur badge with the name Nancy on it. "Hi, are you Mr. Travis?"

"No, Ma'am, I'm Lieutenant Steve Sloan, I found Eliana, but I am also her godfather. How is she?"

"Not well, but I think she will be fine after a few days in the ICU. She is on a ventilator to help her congested lungs; she is receiving antibiotics for the same reason. Do you know when her parents will be here?"

"No, there is a slight problem there, but I will stay with her until then… ah, if that is all right with you?"

Nancy looked at the tall man in front of her, and she could see that he was as concerned as she would expect any parent to be. "I guess 'no' wouldn't be an answer you would want to hear, huh?"

"Not really, she needs someone with her, there isn't anybody else right now, so I would like it to be yes."

"Ok, and I guess it will negate the need for a police guard on the door."

"Yeah, it will. Oh, when Agent Wagner gets here, could you direct him to the ICU? He was the coordinating FBI agent while we were trying to find her."

The nurse smiled at the detective and nodded. As she turned to go back into her trauma suite Steve spoke up again. "Ah, could you tell me which way I need to go to get to the ICU?"

Still smiling the nurse pointed up to the brightly coloured signs hanging from the ceiling. "You could try following the directions, Lieutenant, straight down to the end, turn right, and you can't miss."

Steve waved his appreciation and then began to follow the directions he had just received. In a few minutes he was walking over to where he could see Eliana's tiny form. He pulled up a chair and sank gratefully into it, he could see that she was either asleep or unconscious, he wasn't sure which, and that she was wired up to a heart monitor, and on a ventilator, but the nurse had said that she would be all right, and he had to believe that. Steve looked around a moment, suddenly unsure of himself, and then he leant over and ran his finger down the smooth soft cheek of his goddaughter.

Jo and Amanda sat in the hallway of Community General for just over ten minutes, and then almost to the second both women stood up.

"I can't stand all this inactivity, I am goin' to go an' try to find Jesse. Amanda you will need to be gettin' home to your boys in a little while, I will contact you when I find him, an' trust me I will find him."

Amanda had checked her watch, and had been surprised to find that it was just after four in the afternoon. "I hadn't realised the time, and I have no sitter tonight, so yeah, I do need to be going. Thank you Jo, you'll keep in touch with Steve too won't you?"

"Of course I will, you know that."

As they moved closer to the elevator the friends looked into Rae's room and could see that she was fast asleep. Doctor Collins had put the brace back onto her neck, and they knew that in the morning, that was another problem that would have to be addressed.

Jesse had no idea how long he had been sitting in the park, but he felt a shiver run through him and he suddenly realised that he needed to get back into the warm. He might live in Southern California, but the nights were chilly in December, and the sun was going down. He got stiffly to his feet, and feeling a little disoriented looked around him, trying to work out which was the quickest way back to Community General. He slowly walked back the way he had come; swinging his arms back and forwards to try and warm himself up. 

Half an hour later he still wasn't at the hospital, but he reckoned that in about ten minutes he would be. As he turned yet another corner a car drew up next to him and the window came down. "Jesse Travis, where have you been? I've spent the last hour an' a half drivin' around tryin' to find you."

"Jo, what, what? Has something happened, have they found her, is it Rae? Oh, God, Jo?" Jesse couldn't seem to stop talking; his words kept falling over themselves.

"Honey, just get in the car an' I can tell you. You look frozen to the bone."

By the time they got back to the hospital Jesse was worried, frantic, relieved, happy and furious all at the same time. He couldn't believe that he had stormed out of the hospital at the very time that his daughter had been found, he had checked his cell phone after Jo had told him how often they had been calling him, and as everybody had though the low battery light was flashing. Jo parked her car and he rushed out of it through the main doors, up in the elevator and was spotted by the police officer on guard before Jo had even managed to get half way to the same destination.

Jesse had moved into his wife's room and sitting in the chair next to her head he had leant over and brushed her hair off her face. She had been through so much in the last few weeks, and he knew that what he had said to her today had made things worse. Jesse looked at the brace that was round her neck, and realised, belatedly, that he had planned to put that back on her himself. She looked so peaceful lying there, and he wished that her life would remain that way forever, but by the morning he knew that she would be plunged back into the nightmare that had, for the last two years, followed her wherever she went.

Once Ron had arrived at the door to Valley's ICU Steve had stood up and leaving Eliana for just a few minutes the men had talked in the hallway.

"I don't think that either the housekeeper or the Priest had any idea what Willis was doing, or what she had done. They hadn't heard from her in ten years." Ron shook his head. He had thought that Father Miles was gonna have a heart attack when he began to explain how they were so sure that the baby was the missing child.

"They are both at the station now making statements, but apart from gullibility and stupidity I don't think we can charge them with anything. Officer Nox called through to me and Mrs. Reeves is going to go identify the body of her daughter. Seems that once they had told her father that she was actually dead he refused to say another word, and it was the mother who had come down and talked about her daughter with something almost akin to affection. Makes you wonder doesn't it, how different her life would have been if she had been loved and cared for as a young woman?" Ron shook his head and thought of Amanda's children. They had the supposed disadvantage of being part of a single parent family, but everything that they did was appreciated or explained, and both boys knew that whatever happened they were loved, wanted and respected. Maybe Steve was right, nothing was insurmountable if you wanted it badly enough. 

"… I said, did you find anything of Willis's to show what her plans were?" Steve tapped his friend on the shoulder and felt him jump under his touch.

"Sorry. No, but I packed up the few bits and pieces she had and they are being shipped back to LA. Did you get hold of Jesse?"

"No, but Jo said she would keep trying. You can't have your cell on in the ICU, so I have been hoping that before long he would just turn up here."

"Ok, I'm gonna take everything back to LA, get things tied up that end. If we want to keep Rae out of jail then all the information we have gathered needs to be in the hands of her lawyer and the DA. We don't have a suspect to take back with us any more remember."

"Yeah, well, I'm going back in to sit with Eliana. I don't plan to leave her alone again until her mommy or daddy get here."

"Her mommy or daddy? Boy, Sloan, you have got this parenthood thing real bad. Next thing you know we will be calling you Daddy." Ron had been joking, but as soon as he saw the look on his friend's face, he knew that it wasn't something to laugh at, but to make plans for.

Jesse had begun to talk to Rae, even though he knew that she couldn't hear him. "Honey, they have her. Steve found her, just like you said he would. I was wrong, but it wasn't because I wanted anything to happen to her, I was… I guess I was just trying to prepare myself, and you, for what could happen. Rae, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I have to go in a while, to be with our little girl, but I love you Rae, and I promise you I will bring her home to you, as soon as I can." He had sat there in silence then, waiting for the traffic that he knew would be heavy around the city to lessen so that he could get to their daughter without too many hold ups. 

It was seven o'clock before Jesse left the hospital and climbed into his car. He tried Steve's cell phone, but could get no reply. He left him a voice mail to tell him what time he hoped to arrive and then, putting on a loud CD to help him on his way, he pulled out into the ever-lightening traffic.

By the following morning the world had changed slightly. Steve was still in Fresno, but now Jesse was with him. Both men had managed some sleep as they had taken it in turns to watch over the child they had feared was lost. Ron had arrived back in LA late the previous evening, and was trying to arrange some Christmas leave, an appointment with the assistant DA, and get some shopping done. Mark was due back in the hospital for a check up, and so Michael was planning to bring him in around two. Shannon had spent a peaceful night in her own bed, as had Amanda, once she had spent a little longer than usual enjoying the company of her children. Rae and Alex had slept peacefully thanks to the influence of the sedation and Eliana had slowly got the adult cough mixture out of her system, her vital functions had moved back up into their normal range, and her doctor was planning to remove the ventilator and monitors by the end of the day.

So when it got to just after nine and Rae began to stir, the only person who was really suffering was Jo. Unable to leave Rae to sleep alone, even though she had known that her friend wouldn't wake, she had spent the night in a chair. As Rae opened her eyes she saw Texas looking out of the window and trying to straighten her spine at the same time. As Rae began to regain her senses she felt the unwelcome presence of the brace round her neck, and let out an involuntary gasp.

"Rae, Honey, it's all right, Doctor Collins put that back on you because he is worried about your neck an' shoulder injuries. He will come see you this mornin' an' evaluate everythin' again."

"Jesse, Texas, where is Jesse?"

"Shhh, listen to me Rae, an' I will tell you everythin'." Jo had watched as Rae had fixed her eyes on her. "Ok?" Rae had tried to nod, but the pain rushed across her tired and almost gaunt features, and Jo could see how much everything was affecting her best friend. "Honey, Jesse is in Fresno, they've found her."  

"Oh…" Rae looked at her and as the tears rushed into her eyes she began to speak again. "Texas, is she … is she…?"

"She's gonna be fine, she has a chest infection, an' she was poorly overnight, but I spoke to Steve this mornin' just before you woke up, an' she is doing well now. The doctor is real pleased with her."

"Texas, please, I don't care how much it hurts, I just need someone to hold me so much." Rae couldn't speak any more as the tears began to flow. She took air in gulps, and the pain in her neck, shoulders and ribs coursed through her. Trying to ignore it she pushed herself up and a little forward in her bed but even that tiny movement was too much for her and she collapsed back onto the firm and reassuring surface of her bed.

"Once Doctor Collins has seen you, an' I can speak to him I will ask what we can do about gettin' you that hug, ok?" Jo had to hold the tears back herself, she couldn't begin to imagine how Rae must be feeling, and not to be able to have physical contact apart from holding the hand of a friend must be just awful.

Steve had gone down the hallway to put a call through to his dad before he started off to have his examination and once Mark had got over the amusement he felt at Steve telling him all the things he normally had to tell his son he had agreed to listen to everything that was told him, and not to expect to be back at work within the next two weeks. Steve had put his phone away with a smile, the irony of the situation wasn't lost on him now that everything else seemed to be going to plan, but he knew that he still owed an apology to Tony, and to Jesse and especially Rae for thinking even for a second that she had actually attacked his father. These thoughts were buzzing through his head as he walked back down the hallway, but they disappeared in a flash as he heard Jesse's raised voice travelling to meet him.

"Look, she's my daughter, I don't want her treated here, I want to take her back to Community General. We can look after her just as well there."

"I realise the strain you have been under… Let me finish, Doctor Travis … but I will not sign this patient over into your care for at least another twenty-four hours, good God man, you're a doctor, I'm sure you wouldn't let someone else's child travel in her condition. So why are you even thinking about it for your own flesh and blood?"

Steve decided that he had better make his presence felt. Jesse had been under a lot of pressure, and although he could understand him wanting to get Eliana back to LA as soon as possible, this hospital was for children, and it had all the state of the art equipment you could ever wish for right under the one roof. Jesse was being short sighted in wanting to remove his daughter from their care yet. He walked up to his friend and began to speak.

"Jess, I think we need a word."

"Not now, Steve, I'm busy."

"Yes, now, before you have more time on your hands than you know what to do with." Steve knew that if he didn't intervene the doctor could well ask Jesse to leave the ICU and then he would have no contact at all with his daughter.

The other doctor, whose name was Doctor Hernandez, smiled briefly at Steve and watched with relief as Jesse nodded slightly and followed Steve out into the hallway.

"Jesse, listen to me."

"Steve, I just want to get her home. We can treat her at Community General … I can treat her there…" Jesse stopped talking as he saw Steve shake his head.

"Jess, look around you. This is a dedicated children's hospital, one of the finest in the West, it's only been open for five years. Jesse, Eliana is in the best place right now, if Louise Willis had taken her someplace other than Fresno she might not still be alive, she crashed in the ambulance Jess, but it was a paediatric unit and they were able to revive her. I know you want to get back to Rae and take Eliana with you, but you can't, not today, probably not tomorrow either, but soon, buddy, real soon."

"Steve, I know, and I'm sorry. I just want to take her home. I don't want to lose sight of her ever again." As he spoke Steve realised that the whole time they had been out in the hallway, Jesse had been only half looking at him, his heart was in the ICU, and as Steve stood he watched with a sigh as his friend rushed back to his daughter's side.

By the time Wil Collins had checked on Alex and announced himself delighted with the young man's progress it was half past ten. He moved on into Rae's room, and stood for a second in the doorway watching her. Jo Walters was sitting with her back to the door, and she had her hand over Rae's. By her other hand he could see that she had a photo of her daughter, but she wasn't looking at it, in fact the picture was lying on the bedcovers, and because Rae was lying flat on her back once again, all she could see was the ceiling.

Wil tapped on the door and then entered; putting on a cheerful demeanour he didn't really feel. "Good morning, ladies, and how are we this morning?"

"Doctor Collins, what are you doing here?" Rae wasn't trying to be rude or difficult, but so much of her hurt that being polite was just beyond her.

"For the time being you are my patient. You had better be nice to me; we're running out of doctors to treat you. I'm your third one in as many days." Wil smiled, but he could see from Rae's reaction that he wasn't going to get a pleasant word out of her during this session.

"Ah, I think I will just go an' have me a little visit with Alex. Honey, I'll call through to Valley an' get some news on Eliana before I come back, ok?"

"Ok, thanks, Texas."

Wil looked at the woman in front of him, and he was shocked by her appearance. He knew that she had been in bed for a while, but her face was gaunt, and she had appearance of someone who had stopped caring, and she certainly didn't look like someone who had just received good news. 

"I am gonna start at the top and work my way down. I crept in last night and took your chart so that I could catch up on what Alex and Jesse had done, so I am up to speed. You have a brachial plexus injury to your shoulders and neck, and I can see that Alex had you in the MRI suite before you injured your ribs. The results are quite encouraging; I think that with extensive physical therapy you will probably get all the movement back in your right arm in the end. The nerves don't appear to have been damaged to such an extent that they won't recover. I'm not sure about the left arm yet, it is a little early to say."

"But why does it hurt so much? I can't move my left arm, although I can just move my hand and my fingers. My right arm will move but when I actually do so the pain shoots through me like fire. And … and I can't even tell you about the brace, please take it off." As Rae began to speak about the contraption around her neck the panic began to rise in her. 

"Rae, if I take that off you then you may inadvertently damage yourself more, and you could end up paralysed. Once the swelling has reduced I will consider removing it, but you may have to wear it for a considerable period of time."

"No … no, I can't." Rae's voice came out as a whisper, and she shut her eyes.

"Ok, moving on down." Wil could see that he wasn't going to be able to talk rationally to his patient about the neck brace, and so he decided that for the moment at least he would move on.  "I'm sure that you feel as if your middle has been run over by a train. You had three broken ribs, according to the x-ray that Jesse took, and one of them punctured your lung. You still have the vacuum device attached but that can be removed real soon. I will take you to be x-rayed later today so that I can check the re-expansion of your lung, but from Jesse's notes I would think that it is all going according to plan." Wil paused. The part of Rae's notes that had worried him the most were next. "Do you know how you hurt your knees?"

Rae thought for a moment. "No. I know that I hurt them when I was in jail, but I don't know how. I don't know how I hurt my neck either."

"You have what is called a PCL injury to your left knee, the right one is just badly bruised. But I have to say that this could take as long to sort out as your neck. I would imagine that you are in considerable pain right now, and I will sort out a long-term pain relief program for you, because you are gonna need it. I don't know what period of time Doctor Martin suggested it would take for your neck injury to heal, but your knee could take up to eighteen months on its own."

"Eighteen months? Oh my life just keeps getting better and better." Rae could feel the tears behind her eyes, but she was determined she would not cry. Not yet, not until she was alone.

"I am going to need to treat your knee injury, but first of all I would like another MRI done. So I have booked it for two this afternoon, and we will go and sort that out then. Now, I would imagine that you would like to be able to see the rest of the world, so I will raise your bed for you."

"No!" Rae spoke far more sharply than she had intended and Doctor Collins stopped dead in his tracks. "No, leave the bed as it is. I have a lot to think about, I don't want to see the world, and to be honest I would rather it couldn't see me either. Do you think you could shut the blinds on your way out?"

"Not yet, I can't, but I may consider it, however, it isn't good for you to be laying flat all the time, so I am going to raise the bed slightly before I leave. If you don't want to watch what's happening around you, you can shut your eyes. As I said I will come collect you to go to the MRI suite for two o'clock. I also want you to see Lauren Yung, I have arranged that for nine tomorrow morning."

"Who is Lauren Young?"

"No, Yung, she is the lady who is taking over all of Brian Dobson's patients. She is a very nice lady, and she's looking forward to meeting with you."

"No!" Once again Rae shouted out. "I won't see her. I have seen Brian for two years, I can't start over, she… she won't understand me like he does. I want to see Brian." Rae was aware that she sounded like a petulant child, but she didn't care. She couldn't even contemplate starting out with a new therapist, there was just no way.

"Rae, Alex spoke to Brian, he wanted him to come in and see you, before you were attacked. He refused."

"You're lying."

"Rae! Why would I do that?" Wil was shocked, but more than that he was concerned. The detective seemed to be incapable of bending towards his judgement or decision making at all. The last time he had treated her, she had been stubborn, and very fragile, but he hadn't seen her as narrow minded, or irrational, but he had a feeling that the underlying problem at the moment was that she had so much on her mind that she was unable to cope with anything new being told her.

"I don't know, and I'm sorry." Rae turned her head slightly and Wil watched as he saw the pain evident in her eyes.

"I think that you need to see someone, and yes, ideally Brian would be the person to see. I'm sorry he is unwilling to be here, but Rae, he was under the impression that you had killed his nurse…" Wil stopped talking as he saw Rae's expression.

"He thought I did that? He thought I was guilty. And that man, that funny little man who used to see him… Did he think I killed him too? My God, no wonder he doesn't want to see me… He loved her, you could see it in his eyes." Rae stopped talking. Her voice hadn't risen above a horrified whisper the entire time she had talked about Brian, and she had gradually just run out of words to say. "Why do people want to destroy me and the people that I love, or respect? I can't understand that? All I have ever wanted to do is protect those people who can't protect themselves. Keep them safe, so that they know they can work or play or whatever, and someone will be out there helping to keep them… keep them safe."

"I can't answer that question, I wish I could, but maybe Doctor Yung can. Lauren will be here tomorrow. I hope you will at least give her a chance to help you. I'll try to talk to Brian, but I don't think I will have that much luck."

"No, no, don't. I don't want to put him in a position where he feels pressured into seeing me. I, I will see Lauren, and I will try to like her."

"Rae, I want to help you, I know that you have lost most of the stability in your life. Your doctor is lying in the next room, your therapist, well we just talked about him, your husband and your daughter are about six hours away from here in another hospital, and you are unable to work at the job you love right now, but slowly, if everybody pulls together we will get your life back onto some sort of even keel."

Rae had smiled then, and looked at the doctor in front of her with an embarrassed smile. "Thank you, and I'm sorry. My life stinks right now, and I don't know how to handle it, but that doesn't give me the right to take it out on you."

"Now, I am going to raise your bed a little." Wil hoped that she wouldn't argue.

"No, please, not yet. I need to think and try to get my thoughts into some sort of order. When I come back from my visit to the open ended coffin then I'll have my bed put up."

Wil thought a moment, and then smiled. "That would be the MRI I guess. Ok, for now the bed stays down, but when we get back from our visit, to what did you call it? The open ended coffin?" He stopped talking for a moment and saw a small smile on Rae's face, "then it goes up. So, the bed is down, and the blind?" The smile disappeared, and Wil knew that he was going to be disappointed again. 

"Down please."

Wil shook his head, but he was true to his word, and he left the bed as it was, and as he went out of the room he twisted the stick attached to the side of the blind and closed the slats. "There, it is down, but the same rules apply to the blind as the bed, MRI, then they both go up."  As he left Wil went into Alex's room and told Jo that for the next half hour or so Rae was to be left alone, but after that if she would be so kind, he would be grateful if she could put her head round the door just to make sure she was coping with her emotions and not turning in on herself.

Jo nodded, and then turned back to Alex. They had been discussing how Rae was going to handle everything that had happened in her life, and now it seemed that for roughly the next thirty minutes they had their answer.

Ron finally managed to get an appointment with the assistant DA at three in the afternoon. By the time he got there he had at least had a couple of hours to buy the most important of his Christmas presents. Rose Marie Moureau had stood as he entered her office, and indicated a chair for him. When she greeted him in a French accent, he realised that, considering her name, he shouldn't have been surprised and it was probably a very effective tool in her line of work.

"Good afternoon, Agent Wagner, how can I help you?"

"Well, um, I have brought back all the information we collected in Fresno, that is, ah, Steve, Lieutenant Sloan, and myself." Ron stopped speaking and gave himself a mental slap. He knew he was tired, but there was something about the way the assistant DA was smiling at him, and he noticed the way that her eyes sparkled as she spoke.

"I know the Lieutenant quite well, and Detective Yeager, I am very sorry that all of this has happened."

Ron found it hard to believe that this woman was maybe flirting with him and so he put on his best FBI voice. "Did you get the forensic evidence from Doctor Bentley about the knife?"

"I did, and I believe…" Rose Marie snapped her fingers. "I believe that is where I have heard your name before. You bought the knives, with Doctor Bentley, as a wedding present for Detective Yeager and Doctor Travis, didn't you?"

"Yeah, we did. She told you about that?"

Rose Marie laughed then, and the sound tinkled across the room. "Yes, Agent Wagner, the information was all in her report. I know that she feels very guilty about it now, but she said that at the time it was just a joke." So she knew who he was and still she flirted with him. He thought about telling Amanda, for about half a second, and then decided it was a very bad idea.

"We thought it was funny, a pathologist and an FBI agent buying a doctor and a cop knives for a wedding present." Ron shook his head. He wasn't naïve enough to think that if they hadn't bought them it wouldn't have happened, but he could understand why Amanda felt guilty, he did too.

"I am planning to go to see Detective Yeager myself in the morning, I need to see whether she is fit to attend her arraignment. I can probably get the charges dropped without her having to attend, but I need to see her first."

"I have spoken to Rae… ah, Detective Yeager's lawyer, and he has the same set of information as you."

"I have also spoken to Gilbert today, and he let me know what it was you would be bringing me. It is unfortunate that you could not bring me Louise Willis also."

Ron felt his temper rise for a second. It sounded as if Ms Moureau was blaming him for the death of their murderer. Leaning forward in his chair, his eyes blazing Ron managed to keep his voice quite and businesslike. "She had no intention of being captured, and she ran straight under a car. Just thank God she didn't have the child with her."

"I think it is you who should be doing that, Agent Wagner, you and Lieutenant Sloan." Rose-Marie had suddenly lost the sparkling eyes and carefree attitude, and Ron suddenly saw the woman who would be a formidable opponent in a court of law. Then just as suddenly that impression was gone, and there was only concern in her voice. "But the child was very ill, anyway, I hear, do you know how she is today?"

"Lieutenant Sloan is still in Fresno with her, and I spoke to him just before I got here. The doctors there are hoping to take her off the ventilator later this afternoon. They have already removed all the other devices, but she still has congestion and infection, and so they are leaving that in place a little longer."

"And Detective Yeager, do you know how she is now?"

"She is still receiving treatment. From what Amanda, ah, Doctor Bentley said, that will be the case for quite a while.  I think it will be some time before she will be able to think about working again."

"I hope that she still wishes to return to it. I have always enjoyed working with her in the past." Rose Marie Moureau stood up and extended her hand to Ron, and he knew that their meeting was over.

Once again Rae had to wait for the MRI, but not as long as when she had been waiting to have the first one done. It had been after four before she got back to her room, and as she was being wheeled in she saw Wil pull up the blinds and let the world back into her room.

"Now, I believe you promised to have your bed raised."

Rae looked at him, and saw him lean over and begin to slowly start raising it. It hadn't risen very much when she began to feel dizzy.

"Wil, please, stop." 

"Too far, huh?" Wil had smiled. "Ok, I'll give you an hour and then I will raise it again. Now, I need to check you over, so, the blind can go back down for a while."

Wil moved the bedclothes back, and gently began to manipulate Rae's legs. After about five minutes he covered her back up and smiled. "I think that we will get you out of bed tomorrow, would you like that?"

To her surprise Rae began to smile. "Yeah, yeah, I think I would like that, thank you." 

Relieved that she seemed pleased to learn that she would be able to get up, Wil plunged in and began to tell her about some of the other changes that would be happening in the near future. "Rae, you are gonna have to wear the brace for a while, but you will have physical therapy and be given exercises to do to slowly begin to re-use your arm and neck muscles. The pain will reduce as you get stronger, and once the muscles are getting stronger then the brace will disappear, ok?"

"I guess so." Rae tried to stifle a yawn, and she looked over at her doctor as she did so. Wil moved towards the window and re-opened the blinds, letting the sun and the rest of the world in. Rae blinked for a moment against the winter glare, and realised that she was getting used to only looking with her eyes, and not moving her head. "Why is it that lying on your back for a couple of hours is so tiring?"

Wil smiled at her, and began to move the bed up a little more. He knew that it hadn't been an hour, but it was obvious that she was quite happy with it the way it was. This time he got a little further before she had him stop again.

"Woah, thank you." Rae smiled as he halted her progress immediately. I guess I can nod off sitting up."

"Does that mean that you don't want any visitors?" A strong and very familiar voice sounded from the doorway.

"Mark? Oh, Mark." So many emotions flooded to the front of Rae's mind that she couldn't process them. She saw Michael push her friend into the room, and then was just vaguely aware of Wil leaving with the butler. 

Mark reached out and gently touched her hand.

"Mark, I didn't do it, did Steve tell you, it wasn't me who hurt you, I just couldn't…"

"Honey, I never thought it was you, not for a minute. Shhh, it's all right."

Rae had gulped down the tears she could feel threatening her. "Mark, I might not have actually been the person who stabbed you, but it was my fault that you got injured. If you hadn't known me it wouldn't have happened, and I am just so sorry."

"No, I guess it wouldn't have happened, I can't deny that, but so many other things wouldn't have happened either. Jesse wouldn't be a husband and father, Steve wouldn't have the best partner I can remember him having, I wouldn't have met you, we have had some real hard times over the last two years, Rae, but some wonderful ones too. I would trade all the times you have been hurt, but none of the others. Not for anything."

"Thank you, Mark, but I am still sorry, I can't change that."

"No, Honey, I guess you can't. You wouldn't be you otherwise."

"Mark, did you know that Brian thought I killed Helen, and his patient? Did you know that? Who else thought I did it, Mark, Cheryl did, but who else?"

Mark found that he couldn't make eye contact with her for a moment, and he had to shut the picture of his son out of his mind so that he could look at her once again.

But Rae knew Mark well enough to know why he wasn't saying anything to her. "Oh, God. Steve, Steve thought I did it? And Texas, did she think so too?" Rae managed to hold herself together, even though the fact that Steve, her partner, thought she had attacked and killed three people was almost too much to bear.

"No, Honey, she never did, and it was my fault that Steve thought you had hurt me."

"No, you couldn't persuade him of something you didn't believe yourself, he thought I killed people, for … for fun?"

"Rae, listen to me."

"No, Mark, I don't think I wanna talk any more, just go." Rae felt the pain as it started its journey up her arms, and realised that she had clenched both hands into fists.

"Rae. Steve did everything he could to prove you innocent, he found your daughter, and he stayed with her until Jesse could get there. He is still up there, so that Jesse isn't alone. He loves you Rae, and it almost broke his heart to be thinking the way he was."

"Yeah? Well, I'll ask him myself if you don't mind, how can I work with him again if he doubts me." Rae shut her eyes then, but Mark knew that he couldn't let this go.

"Rae, look at me." 

"Go away, Mark, I don't want to talk to you any more."

"Ok, Honey, then you will have to listen. I never, not for one moment, thought you had stabbed me, but when I came round I said things that made Steve think I had seen you. Rae, if I had heard Steve call out your name like I did, I would have jumped to the wrong conclusions too. He is an exceptionally loyal and loving man, who has always been there for you, ever since you arrived in LA, and I know he wants to work with you again as soon as you are able. Rae, can't you just for one minute move outside your own pain, and see how much it must have hurt him to think that maybe, just maybe, you did have something to do with what was happening?" Mark stopped talking, he didn't want to speak for too long, but he wanted her to think about what he had said. "Rae, you have the call button under your hand, will you please press it so that Michael can take me home."

Rae did as she was asked, and then she looked at her friend. "Mark, I'm sorry. I can't say anything else, right now, but I am sorry."

Michael came into the room at that moment with Doctor Collins, and Mark felt the movement as he pulled his chair back from the side of the bed. "Are you ready to leave now, Sir?"

"Yes, thank you, Michael, I am." Mark slowly shook his head. He didn't want to speak to Wil, and have Rae think he was talking behind her back, but he wanted to try and indicate somehow that their chat hadn't gone as he had hoped.


	32. 32 Shock Therapy

**Shock Therapy**

Rae had woken up just before seven and lain watching the sunrise through the window. It had been the type of watery sun that told you that you were in the middle of winter, no matter how warm it got later in the day. She knew that she was supposed to be seeing her new therapist at nine, and she suddenly realised that she probably looked like a bag lady. She pressed the buzzer underneath her hand and waited.

A pretty young lady put her head round the door. "Yes, Detective Yeager?"

"Do you think you could make a call for me?" Rae tried to read the name badge on the nurse's uniform but she needed her to come a little closer.

"Of course, Ma'am, who would you like me to call?"

"Texas… sorry, Jo Walters, her name is in the book in my purse, which is in my nightstand. I'm sorry, I can't get it myself."

"Of course, hold on and I'll get it for you." 

Rae watched as the young nurse put the bag on her bed and looked inside. She removed the red address book, and smiled. "Is this it?"

"Yes, it is, thank you. I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

"My name is Nadine, I'm a friend of Shannon's, I, I was a friend of Louise Willis too. I'm sorry for what she did to you."

"I guess that most people in this hospital don't think very highly of me right now. She worked here didn't she?"

"I don't know about everybody else, but I feel a little guilty. We never realised what she was doing, and we were with her, being friendly with her, while she was killing those people, and you were suffering so. She never gave us a clue to her behaviour. I am really sorry."

"Don't be, if all killers were obvious I would be out of a job, she covered her tracks very neatly, and made every clue point to me instead of herself."

"Thank you, Shannon is right, you are a nice lady. I'll get Miss Walters for you, ah, what do you want me to ask her?"

"Could you just hold the phone for me? Then I can speak to her."

"Ok." Nadine dialled the number and waited for it to connect, then she did as she had been asked and held the receiver up to Rae's ear.

"Good morning, Walter's residence."

"Good morning, Michael, could I please speak with Texas?"

"Of course, Mrs Travis, and if I may say so, Madam, how lovely to hear you talking over the phone once again."

"Thank you, Michael." Rae smiled, and realised that it felt good to be 'talking over the phone once again'.

"Rae, Honey, are you all right?" Jo's voice came suddenly into Rae's ear.

"A little deaf now, but yeah, I'm ok."

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to be ringin' me."

"If I apologise for being so wrapped up in myself, could I ask you something?"

"Honey, you have been going through a terrible time, but we all have to be strong for each other, things will start to get back to normal now, an' we are gonna need your help just as much as you have needed ours, but there is no need to apologise, what do you want to ask?"

"Well, no one can do this like you can, I needed a favour." Rae was enjoying herself, and it was evident in her tone of voice.

"Sure, anythin' you know that, what can I do for you?"

"I need you to come and make me look like I don't normally live underneath a railway arch."

"Ok, that would be my pleasure. Rae, can Mark come see you again later today? He was awful upset when he got home yesterday, an' well, I don't want his recovery to be threatened because he is worryin' about you."

"Yeah, I need to see him too. He told me a few home truths yesterday, and made me realise that other people are suffering too, Texas I'm sorry, you must be so worried about Steve, he went after that mad woman, maybe you won't want to come after all." Rae suddenly realised with a huge pang of guilt just how selfish she had been through all of this.

"Rae, don't you dare, you know that you are my best friend, I will be there in the shake of a puppy dog's tail if that is how quick you need me." Jo was serious, but there was laughter in her voice.

"No, five minutes time would do me. Texas, thank you, I'll see you soon."

Rae watched as Nadine put the phone back down, and then she smiled at the young nurse. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

Nadine left the room wondering about what she had just heard, yesterday Detective Yeager had been so down, but now a few well chosen words had seemed to help so much. She was lucky to have such good friends to care about her.

Jesse had relieved Steve at two in the morning, and he had headed for the room reserved for parents and carers to sleep. As he walked sleepily back towards the ICU an unbelievable seven hours later, he heard a sound that, unlike the last time he had heard it, filled him with hope. Eliana was crying.

Jesse leant over into the crib and gently took his daughter out. She was still attached to an IV, which was feeding in the nutrients, and antibiotics she needed, but apart from that she was doing everything on her own, and he knew that he was fine to do what he was doing. "Shhh, Honey, Daddy's here. It's all right." The little girl responded to the sound of her father's voice, and her eyes opened, and Jesse looked into the brown eyes that were so much like her mother's.

"Jesse?" Steve's voice was full of emotion as he spoke. "Is she all right?"

"Yeah, Steve, she's fine. She really is fine." As Jesse spoke Doctor Hernandez came into the ICU. All the cribs had weight sensitive pads in them, and Jesse had set the alarm off on Eliana's as he picked her up. The doctor disconnected the alarm and smiled at the two men in front of him.

"I guess you don't have the pads at Community General?"

"Pads, what pads?" Steve looked a little confused.

"The pads that have an alarm on them. They reduce the chance of SIDS and child abductions." As the doctor spoke he realised what he was saying. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Steve put his hand on the man's arm. "That's ok. They wouldn't have prevented Eliana being taken, but they're a good idea, expensive though I guess?"

"Oh, yeah, isn't everything that is helpful in medicine?"

"We do have them, I just forgot, sorry. Doctor, can I feed my daughter?"

"Yes, Doctor Travis, I will get a nurse to bring you some formula, and maybe a diaper!" Steve and Jesse realised a little belatedly that there was an unmistakable odour emanating from the tiny child.

Once Jesse had changed his daughter Doctor Hernandez came over to them once again. "I would like to check her while you are waiting for her breakfast, if everything is as it was last night then you can move her to a low risk ward."

"And then, can I take her home today?" Jesse's face and voice were full of hope.

"No, Doctor Travis, not today, tomorrow, if things stay the same you may take her home tomorrow." Doctor Hernandez was smiling now. He could see that the young doctor in front of him was returning to what he imagined to be his more normal self. He seemed more relaxed and happy, which he should be, his daughter was doing very well.

Although Jesse didn't know it, his wife was doing very well too. As he was talking with Doctor Hernandez Rae was taking the first step towards a little freedom. "Ok, Rae, now, Nadine is going to help and we will get you sitting in a chair. You may feel very light headed, but it will pass."

"I remember it when Jesse was hurt. Texas, don't go, please, talk to me."

"Honey, I won't go, but I'm not sure that me talkin' on an' on will help Wil or Nadine very much."

Rae was sitting up at a very comfortable angle in the bed, but she knew that once she was sitting in the chair she would be almost upright. 

"Rae, normally we would guide you to the chair, but because of your arms and shoulders and your knees I think that we will actually use hydraulics to lift you. Nurse, are you sure you can do this? I can get an orderly if you would prefer."

"No, Doctor, I'll be fine, I have done this before."

"Right then, first of all, Rae we need to get you into the sling. Miss Walters if you could slide it onto the bed." Wil gently but firmly took hold of Rae underneath her arms and Nadine took her legs, and then as Jo moved round beside her friend, she laid the sling on the bed and watched as Rae was placed on top of it. Then Wil put the straps up onto the contraption he had wheeled in when he had arrived, and started the lifting procedure. It wasn't just the room what was moving now, and Rae shut her eyes.  She hadn't had that much pain in her legs, because they had been kept straight, and she'd had a box over them to keep the sheets up, but now she was aware of just how much pain she could expect from them as she worked back to full fitness, and as they were lowered into the sitting position by Nadine, it made her gasp.

"Do you want me to let you rest a moment before I carry on to let you catch your breath?"

Rae opened her eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Wil, but I think I'm ready to carry on. I can catch my breath and everything else once I am in the chair."

"Nurse?"

The whole room swam round, and Rae shut her eyes again. She knew that she wasn't being lifted any more, but she was still moving, and so slowly she looked ahead of her. The whole hydraulic lift was now being pulled out from under the side of her bed, and then she saw the nurse move the wheelchair into place so that she could sit in it. Gradually she felt herself being lowered, and then finally she had the chair underneath her.  She wanted to rest her head in her hands but she couldn't do so and then she felt something behind her head and she leant back into it.

"Thank you, what is that?"

"It's a neck rest, you looked like you could do with it." There was warmth in Doctor Collins' voice as he spoke, and he was rewarded with a smile.

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Ok, we will leave you to get your bearings now you are back in the real world again. I'm sure that Doctor Yung will be here in a few minutes."

At just after nine o'clock a tall, and graceful young Asian woman made her way down toward the room of her prospective new patient. As she arrived where she wanted to be, she could hear talking coming from inside, and standing just a little way out of sight she listened.

"Rae, Honey, you seem a little happier this mornin' how are you really feelin'?"

"Fed up with being a grouch. Texas, I don't know. I just miss Jesse and Eliana so much, and I know that Sholte said that I wouldn't have to face charges, but I am worried about that, and Brian won't see me. Texas, he thinks I killed Helen. I hoped he knew me better than that, and Steve, he thought I did it too. How could they do that?" Rae had to stop speaking; the hurt she had felt when she found out about Steve and Brian was still fresh, but she knew that Mark had explained it a little, and if Texas wasn't the person to talk to about it, maybe Doctor Yung could be.

Lauren Yung moved a little closer. She was used to undertaking covert operations to learn about her patients.

"Rae, Honey, please listen to me. Mark told me that you had realised Steve thought you hurt his dad, but he said that he had to force you to let him tell you what happened. I was there too, will you let me explain as well?"

"Yes, I was wrong yesterday, but it was just such a shock."

"I know that Steve an' I are gettin' married, I don't know when, but we are, but I also know that the most important person in his life is his daddy. He has lived with the man for over forty years so that must say somethin' about how much they mean to each other. An' Mark looked grey when he was in the ICU, an' I mean grey, Honey he was just so ill. Steve isn't used to seein' him like that an' it scared him half to death."

"But that wouldn't make him think I tried to kill him. Texas, I asked Mark to give me away at my wedding, how could Steve think I would hurt him, stab him? I can't believe he could think that."

"He thought it because that is what Mark told him, or at least that is what he thought Mark told him…"

"But, I …" 

"Rae, wait, you have to let me finish or we will be dancin' around this for days. When Mark began to come round he called out 'Rae, no … No, don't…' Steve thought he was talkin' about when he was stabbed, an' so did I, but Mark isn't my daddy, an' I just knew you couldn't have done it, I wavered for a little while, but in my heart I knew, an' in his heart so did Steve, but it was Mark, it was his daddy, an' that took over everythin' else."

"That woman, she nearly succeeded in what she set out to do, I won't let that happen." Rae was talking, very quietly now, and Jo had to move closer to her to hear properly.

"What, Rae, do you know what she wanted to do?"

"She wanted to destroy everything in my life that was important to me. She wanted Jesse to see me die, I don't know if she would have done anything to Steve, but she wanted me to suffer, and everybody that I loved to suffer too. Oh, God, Texas, I am so sorry, I nearly got you killed, and Mark, and three people died, because of me." The enormity of what had happened to the people around her was finally too much for Rae, and despite the pain she felt she began to sob. This time though, Jo was able to put her arms around her friend and give her the hug she so badly needed, and for the next few minutes all Doctor Yung, or anybody else heard was Rae sobbing, and Jo offering her all the love and comfort she could.

Lauren Yung was just about to tap on the door and announce herself when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and then indicated for her companion to move away with her, and once they were out of earshot she spoke quietly for a moment or two.

Rae had finally managed to get herself under control when she heard a tap on the door. She knew that it would be her new therapist, and so with a tremulous glance at her friend she put a smile she didn't feel on her face and looked towards the noise.

"Brian?" Rae didn't say anything else. She wasn't sure if she could trust herself to speak.

"Rae, I know that you are expecting Lauren Yung, and she is outside waiting to see you, but I needed to see you first. I owe you an apology, and I had to make it as soon as I knew you were well enough to remember it."

"No, Brian, you don't need to apologise, the evidence was overwhelming, and Cheryl wouldn't have arrested me otherwise. If Louise hadn't gotten greedy, and decided to hurt me one time too many I would have faced the death penalty, I know that. You went on what was available, so would I have done, I'm a cop after all."

"But I know you, and my first reaction, when Detective Banks asked about you, was to say that you couldn't have done it, you couldn't have hurt Helen or Cameron Posner, I should have stuck with that belief."

Rae smiled at him. "You loved her very much didn't you?"

Brian's eyes filled with tears. "I did, she was my life. Now I look back and regret the lost moments, the lost life we should have spent together, because I was too selfish to ask her to marry me."

"Brian, if she had been unhappy with the situation she would have left you long ago. She loved you too. One day, when it isn't too painful for you, come and see my wedding video. That will show you just how much she cared for you."

Rae's councillor and friend moved a little closer to her. "Thank you, Rae. I will do that."

"Brian, I am so very, very sorry about Helen, I hope you know that."

"I do. Rae, I have to go now, but I will keep in touch." Brian leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek. What she had said had helped him, and he wanted her to know that. Then taking a breath he moved on to other things. "Rae, this is Lauren Yung," A very elegant young woman came into the room. "I hope that she will be able to help you, until I feel I am able to start up again."

Rae watched for a moment as the doctor moved over closer to her, and she smiled at her friend. "I have promised Wil that I will try, I promise you that too. Brian, you take care, ok?"

Brian Dobson smiled then and left the room, as he did so he looked back one last time and saw Lauren making herself comfortable in the chair opposite Rae, and he almost wished that it were he that was doing that.

 Steve had talked to Jo and was delighted with what she had told him about Rae getting out of bed and into a wheelchair, but he decided not to tell Jesse about it unless he needed some cheering up. Although at the moment he was just so relieved to have his daughter back that he wasn't taking much notice of anything else, and Steve was beginning to feel a little redundant. But if he could keep it to himself it would be a wonderful surprise for him when he took Eliana back the next day for Jesse to be able to place her on her mom's lap.

When he had finished making the long list of calls that seemed to have suddenly all become urgent at the same time, he headed back to the ward where Eliana was a patient. She was in a proper crib now, which had a mobile of cheery zoo animals rotating above it, and happy smiley wallpaper, sheets and curtains. It certainly was obvious just how much care; attention and love went into the design and décor of this hospital in order to make it a less frightening experience for the children who had to spend time here. Eliana was too young to be really bothered, and besides she had her daddy with her, so nothing else mattered, but if she had been four or five years older, then all the attention to detail would have made a lot of difference.

Doctor Hernandez was talking with Jesse as Steve moved over, and he could see that both men were a little concerned. "All I am saying is that you need to have it as a preventative. Be aware, as I am sure you will be, that there is a greater risk for her now than there was before, and be prepared to accept the possibility that she may need the medication."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just don't want to even think about her having anything wrong with her, and let's face it, living in LA it could be a nightmare."

"Jesse? What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I'm just having to face a few hard facts is all."

"I don't understand, is there something the matter with Eliana?"

"No, no not really, she's tiny, you know that, and Doctor Hernandez wants me to keep a preventative with her all the time. She has asthma, Steve, and this virus hasn't helped. I just have to accept that this probably won't be the only time she is in the hospital over the next few months or years." Jesse turned away as he spoke, and Steve looked down at his goddaughter to see her looking up at him.

"Hey, Sweetie, are you listening to us?"

"dadadadakakmamakabubububub." 

"That's easy for you to say." Steve looked down at the little girl, who had just remembered where her toes were. She pulled her foot towards her, but the movement made her cough, and it seemed to Steve as if the whole room held its breath until she had finished. As she did so he realised that he could hear a wheeze in her breathing that hadn't been there before. "That, that's what you mean isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's what we mean."

"But Jesse, you're a doctor. You know people with asthma don't have to stay locked up, there was that, that British guy, the rower, he's won five Olympic gold medals, and he has asthma. Steve someone, great name, huh? Redgrave, it was Steve Redgrave."

"Yeah, he did didn't he? I remember watching him, he's amazing. Rae was talking about him once, d'you know how they knew he would be good at rowing?"

"No, Jesse, you really are a mine of information some times. You do know, right?"

"Oh yeah, apparently by the size of his shoes, maybe his hands too, I can't remember, but definitely his shoes. His teacher at school picked him because of the size of his shoes."

Steve gently held up one of Eliana's tiny little feet. "In that case, maybe he is a bad example, I mean look." Steve rested his hand underneath Eliana's leg, and they all smiled. Then Doctor Hernandez took a bottle out of his pocket.

"Doctor Travis, this is a bottle of the preventative. Once she is old enough she can use a nebulizer but until then, if you are in any doubt, give her some of this. I would also suggest that you go to the asthma clinic at your hospital when you get back, and they can monitor her condition."

"I could take her now!" Jesse smiled what he hoped was his most winning smile.

"Tomorrow, Doctor Travis, after rounds tomorrow you may take your daughter home." Doctor Hernandez moved away then, but both men could hear him chuckling to himself as he did so. Steve watched as Jesse read the label on the bottle and then slide it into his own pocket. Once again his friend was oblivious of his presence, and so Steve headed down towards the cafeteria to get something to eat. The food wasn't quite up to Community General standards, but he had noticed that today it was macaroni and cheese, and he felt he ought to give it a try.

Rae had talked to Lauren Yung for just under an hour before the doctor approached some of the things she had heard through the doorway a little earlier.

"Mrs Travis, I have a confession to make."

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing?" Rae had smiled. She felt a little disloyal to Brian, but she thought that she could really like Doctor Yung.

"I listened at the door when you were talking to your friend, Texas, I think you called her. I have found that when I take over a patient from somebody else, that the first few sessions are usually marred by the loyalty to the previous councillor, and having read your notes, I knew that you had more reason than most to be loyal to Brian Dobson."

"He has saved my life, my sanity, everything. But I will talk to you, I don't know if you can help me, but I will try to let you."

"And how do you feel about my listening to private conversations?"

"I could introduce you to an FBI agent I know." Rae smiled. "I don't know. I don't know how I feel about anything right now. I am in a happy mood this morning, but by this afternoon I could be real pissy, or completely silent, tearful, I have no idea. I'm a cop, you listening to private conversations doesn't bother me, I'm also your patient, and if I had found out from somebody else I would have been livid. You told me, that tells me you are honest, at least at the moment. I don't know what else to say."

"I wasn't expecting half of that, so don't worry about it. But I know that you hide your feelings behind a happy exterior, so I did wonder whether you were putting on an act now."

"No, I'm not, but sometimes I will be."

Rae was watching Lauren, and she could see her working out her answer, but before she could find out what it was there was a knock at the door and Rae looked up to see the assistant DA standing there. Her heart pounded in her chest, and all her panic came rushing to the surface, and a moment later she knew that she was going to pass out.

"Rae?" Lauren, who had her back to the door was instantly extremely concerned. "Rae, can you put your head down on your knees?"

Rae couldn't even shake her head, but she just managed to mouth "No." before the room began to swim even more than a moment before, and then her whole body went limp.

Rose Marie rushed into the room and pressed the buzzer, which was still resting on the bed. Nadine came running in, and seeing the situation called for Shannon as loudly as she dare.

Shannon had been sitting quietly with Alex trying to do the crossword in the LA Times. She looked at him and he nodded, hearing the urgency in the voice that called his girlfriend, and she had moved quickly towards the noise. Shannon had also summed the situation up in a split second, and between them the two nurses had got Rae back into bed. Nadine had paged Doctor Collins in the short time it had taken Shannon to join her, and now they waited for him to arrive.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but I will have to ask you to leave, Doctor Yung, I think you really need to wait outside."

Rose Marie looked defiant. "I have to see Detective Yeager this morning, I am due in court this afternoon, and I need to speak with her."

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you are, but as you can see Detective Yeager is hardly up to receiving visitors." Nadine hoped she didn't sound too rude, but her patient had to come first.

Lauren looked at the woman next to her and began to speak. "Rae was fine until you knocked at the door. Maybe you had better introduce yourself."

"Certainly, my name is Rose Marie Moureau, I am the assistant District Attorney. I had no wish to frighten her, she knew I was coming."

"It's all right… I just … panicked." Rae was lying back against the pillows, and even though she was now conscious once again she had no colour, and they could all see that she was shaking.

Wil chose that moment to come into the room. "What happened, Rae are you all right?"

"No … but I will be… I'm sorry."

"Ok, people, I am going to ask you to clear the room. Doctor Yung, have you spoken with Detective Yeager yet?"

"Yes, yes, we have had a very good first session, I was just about to finish when she was taken ill. Rae, I will send a note down with some times on for our next appointment, perhaps you could let me know which one will suit you best."

"Thank … you. I will." Rae watched as the young woman left the room, and then her eyes moved and she looked across at Wil. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself. You kept your promise, huh?" Wil hoped that by keeping the conversation light Rae would feel more at ease.

"I … always … do."

"Shannon, I am grateful for your assistance, but I think there is a lonely doctor next door. He was scowling at the paper as I came past."

"We are stuck on six down, I'll go back and help him. Detective Yeager, I will be just next door if you need me."

This time Rae just smiled. She felt very very tired all of a sudden, and words were just too much bother.

Nadine left the room with her friend, and then there was just the doctor and the assistant DA left.

"Rae, I need to speak with you, Doctor, will you stay?"

"Rae?" Wil looked at her, not wanting to intrude on anything private.

"Please."

"Ok, Rae, I have spoken to your lawyer, also Agent Wagner, he came to see me this morning, I do not have a case against you any more, and I can arrange for the charges to be dismissed without you having to return to the courtroom."

"No!" 

Both Rose Marie and Wil were shocked at the strength behind the one word.

"That… that woman crucified me … I want to be seen to be innocent."

"I don't understand. The result will be the same whether you appear in court or not." Rose Marie looked at the woman lying on the bed in front of her, and for a moment wondered if she had passed out again, but then Rae opened her eyes, and she could see that they were full of resolve.

Rae was determined to get her argument out in one go, and so she paused for a moment to gather herself, and catch her breath. "If you get the charges dropped for me without letting me appear in court it will merit one or two lines in the paper, probably at the bottom of page seven. If I go to court for the arraignment, I will make the front page, and everybody, everybody, will know that I am innocent. I can't settle for anything less than that."

Rose Marie looked at her, and saw the strong willed woman that made the successful cop shine through. She was right, Rae deserved to go and be cleared, to hear the judge dismiss the case, not get the news second hand from some journalist or court official.

"Very well, Gilbert and the judge will have to be involved in this. I will arrange a court date for you. Doctor, do you think if I tried to have it set for next week that Detective Yeager would be able to attend?"

"I plan to have her at home for the weekend, so maybe Thursday or Friday next week would be fine."

Rae had gasped as she heard Wil speak. "Home, to my house?"

"Yes, home to your house, you are married to a doctor remember, I think he will be able to cope."

Rae smiled; somehow she knew that the world was smiling with her. Then she shut her eyes and felt herself drift off into a relaxed and natural sleep.


	33. 33 Home Is Where The Heart Is

**Home Is Where The Heart Is**

Rae had stayed in bed for the rest of the day, after she had passed out, and had slept through until two in the morning before she realised that she was awake, and not likely to be going back to sleep very soon. As she lay there her thoughts began to clear and for the first time, probably since she had been in the hospital, and definitely the first time since Eliana had been taken, she began to think seriously about how everything would be affecting the other people in her life. 

Tony had been in to see her, and his presence had helped her a great deal, but she had been on the ventilator then, and she hadn't been able to speak to him. She knew that he was flying home in the next day or two, and she hoped that he would come see her before he left. Rae wondered about her other children; did they know about their sister's disappearance? She hoped not, but news was international almost the second it happened these days, and she had a feeling that there would have been no way that they could have escaped knowing.

Rae flexed the fingers of her left hand and tried to move her arm. The pain was still as bad, if not worse than before, and her right arm just as burningly painful, but maybe things would get back to how they should be, one day. Rae sighed, it was one thing to be scared to death of something tangible, like the thought of silk scarves, or the feeling of things round your neck, _like this damn brace_, Rae pushed the thought away, but to be almost paralysed with pain and to have no idea what had caused it, Rae stopped. She wasn't supposed to be thinking about herself, she had done too much of that lately. The image of Mark's friendly but worried face came up in her mind, and she heard him speaking to her. He had suffered, maybe in some ways more than anybody else, he was such an active man, and his brain was always way ahead of everybody else's, to have let first the murder case, and then Eliana's disappearance and successful recovery go on around him, without being able to do anything to help must have been doubly difficult for him.

Steve, suddenly Rae needed to see her partner, to hear his voice, to know that her world was safe and secure once more and that he trusted her again. She pushed his face to the back of her mind. She loved him so much, but she was so angry with him. And then there was Jesse, they had talked before he left to get their little girl back, she was so glad of that, but she had hurt him, badly, she knew that, and it would take time to get things back to how they were. But he had said some awful things too, about Eliana being sold or dead, Rae shuddered, thank God neither of them had become a reality.  Rae turned her head slightly and tried to get more comfortable in the bed, she wondered if Eliana would recognise her, would know that she was still her mummy, well, if she didn't she had all the time in the world now to remind her. Rae's thoughts all began to run together, she was feeling tired again, and gradually her eyes closed, and her breathing got deeper and slower and she fell back into a healing sleep.

Jesse had asked Steve to spend the night in the sleep room so that he could drive back to LA. That way Eliana would have her daddy with her in the back of the car all the way home and he could sleep when his daughter did. By the time Doctor Hernandez had finished his rounds it was nearly eleven o'clock and Jesse was almost beside himself with anxiety, excitement, impatience and almost every other emotion known to man. He had sent Steve out to fill the car with gas, and make sure that they had things to eat and drink. He had no intention of stopping except to change diapers all the way to LA. 

Steve had done everything that had been asked of him with a smile. He knew that Jesse was having trouble keeping himself in check, he wanted everything to go as smoothly as possible, and at least at the moment Jesse seemed to have forgotten his earlier animosity towards his friend. When Jesse finally came out of the ward with Eliana in his arms Steve was sitting in the hallway reading the book he had bought while he was out. He also had a bag of goodies next to him.

"Hey, Steve, whatcha reading?"

Steve looked a little embarrassed for a moment and then he showed his friend the title. '_So Your Child Has Asthma.' _"I just wanted to know what she would be facing, I didn't mean to presume."

"Steve, don't worry about it, come on let's go." Steve was shocked by the irritation in Jesse's voice, although he guessed that he shouldn't be surprised, but Eliana was safe, and for the life of him Steve couldn't work out what he had done wrong since she had been found. Steve began to collect all his things but Jesse was already halfway down the hallway on his way to the parking lot before he was halfway done.

Rae hadn't woken up again until lunchtime, when she had realised that she was hungry. She couldn't actually remember the last time she had eaten properly. Certainly not while she was in jail, so it wasn't surprising that she was in need of food, even hospital food. She carefully pressed the buzzer and waited for a nurse to come see her.

As she lay there she realised that for the first time in a long time she wasn't worried, or frightened, she was just Rae. She was sad for the things that had happened, but not in a way that overwhelmed her. Rae wasn't stupid, she knew that even as close as tomorrow she may feel threatened all over again, it would take her time to be whole once more, but as she lay looking at an area of ceiling she hoped she would never see again, she knew that she would make it, and in one piece.

"Detective Yeager, are you all right?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was miles away, yes, I'm fine, but I am really famished, could I have some lunch do you think?"

"I'll check with Doctor Collins, but it doesn't say on your chart that you can't." The nurse put the clipboard she had been checking back in the slot at the end of Rae's bed and moved out towards the nurse's station. Fifteen minutes later Rae had a tray with meatloaf and salad and a rather vivid green jelly on it. The positive mood of the morning disappeared as Rae realised that she was unable to eat her meal unaided. She pressed the buzzer once again.

This time it was Wil himself who came in, and he understood her problem straight away. 

"How am I going to cope at home? Jesse will need two high chairs." Rae's voice was quiet, and Wil could tell, that certain aspects of her disability were just being realised by his patient.

"From what I've heard about how things were organised when the Lieutenant hurt his hands, I think you will be fine, but for today I'll get someone to help you. Then once you have eaten we'll get you back out of bed, ok?"  Wil went out into the hallway, but as he did so the nurse on duty disappeared into a room further down the corridor. He turned and seeing Shannon in the room next to Rae's indicated for her to come see him. "Do you think your young man would spare you for a little while to help Rae?"

"I'm sure he would, why, what's the problem?"

"She is unable to feed herself at the moment, could you quite literally give her a hand?"

"Yes, Doctor." Shannon moved back into Alex's room, explained the situation and then went and sat next to Rae. "Hi, do you remember who I am?"

"You're Shannon, Alex's girlfriend, I'm sorry about this."

"Hey, it's no problem, I have done this loads of times before, now, do you want the fork to be a train, a plane or just a fork?"

"I think I can cope with it being just a fork." Rae smiled, she had been deeply embarrassed to be unable to feed herself, but in one sentence this young woman had made all that disappear.

By the time Rae had finished her lunch she had told her new friend about when Steve had plaster covered hands and Mark had opened his own mouth each time he fed his son. Shannon had been relieved to find out that she didn't actually do that herself. Then Shannon had discussed the whole of the evening when Alex had dated the nurses who had bid for him. She had managed to tell the story without mentioning Louise and Rae had enjoyed herself immensely. Once the tray had been taken away Shannon had begun to rise out of her seat, but had seen Rae move her hand. 

"Yes? Is there something else I can do for you?"

"I am going to be back in my chair in a little while, do you think I could come and see Alex?"

Shannon had smiled, "I know he would be delighted to see you. Doctor Collins said that he would be getting out of bed himself tomorrow." 

"Oh, that's wonderful, I am so pleased for him. I'll see you in a little while then."

Rae had found the journey from bed to chair less harrowing the second time around, and soon she was in Alex's room, and Shannon had excused herself to get Alex some clothes from his apartment ready for when he could get out of bed himself.

"She's a lovely girl, Alex, and she cares for you, a lot." Rae was as close to Alex's bed as her chair would allow.

"Yeah, I guess I have really tested how she feels about me haven't I? Rae I am so sorry that I let Louise take Eliana, you must just hate me."

"Alex, no, of course I don't hate you." Rae could see that Alex was unable to make eye contact with her.

"Alex look at me, please, and listen. I don't blame you for what happened, there isn't anyone to blame, except that mad man. She told me that I had taken Levington from her and now she was taking everybody I cared for away from me. It was just bad timing that meant that you came along at that moment, and with Eliana in your arms." Rae stopped speaking and looked at Alex, but he still wasn't looking at her, and she knew he wasn't convinced.

"Alex, did you know Louise was in my room?"

"No."

"Did you bring Eliana up to see me or her?"

"You."

"Why?"

"Because, because I thought it might help you remember. I felt so sad for you that you couldn't remember your baby."

"So you didn't intend to hand her over to someone who was going to kidnap her and take her away from her parents and her home?"

"No, Rae!" Alex looked up then and his eyes were full of anguish.

"Sounds awful doesn't it? But that is what you are blaming yourself for doing." Rae smiled. "Nobody would do that, least of all you. You brought her into the world, Alex, I know you would never hurt my child, I know how empty and lost I feel without her, and I would guess that you are hurting in a similar way, but there is no blame to be shared out, none at all."

"Shannon said that Jesse would be bringing her home soon."

This time Rae beamed. "Today, he is bringing her home after rounds today." Rae looked down at the clock on Alex's nightstand. "They will be somewhere between here and Fresno right now, bringing her home."

"Will you let me see her, still be her godfather?" Alex still didn't seem convinced.

"No, not if you don't stop berating yourself. Alex, we have all had a terrible time, and I have been next door beating myself and everybody else up with my despondency, but it is over. It will take a long time before we can put it all behind us, I know that, but we have to start trying. From right now, today, because today she comes home."

They didn't speak very much after that. Rae asked for Alex's hand and she had held it gently in her own, and they sat quietly, helping each other just by being together. Finally a little over an hour after Shannon had left she came back into the room.

"Hey, Alex, Rae, you are very quiet, are you all right."

Alex had smiled then, "No, but we will be, won't we, Rae?"

"Oh, yeah, we will be, gradually. Shannon do you think you could take me back to my room? I need to get ready for a visitor."

Jesse and Steve had just managed to get into LA ahead of the evening rush hour traffic, and they pulled into the parking lot of Community General just before five. Eliana had slept almost the whole time the car had been in motion, and as soon as it stopped she opened her eyes and looked around until she saw her daddy's face and then a big smile appeared, "dadadada."

"Hey, that's me! Now, let's go find Mommy, ok?" Jesse undid the restraints on the child seat and eased Eliana out of the chair. Steve was standing by the now open back door to the car and he took the little girl into his arms. She reached up and pulled at his hair as he stood with her, and he smiled.

"No, that is a no, no. We don't pull hair." Steve placed a finger into her palm and gently moved her arm away from his head. Eliana just looked at him and waited. Steve let go of her hand, and she pulled his hair again.

"Ow!" The little girl had gotten a good hold this time, and Steve's cry frightened her. Her face began to pucker, and Steve knew he was about to get the full works. Eliana began to scream, she cried and cried, and nothing 'Uncle Steve' could do would stop her. Jesse had got out of the car and taken her from him, but that hadn't stopped the flow either.

"Oh great. Now she is gonna go upstairs all red faced and puffy, way to go, Lieutenant!"

"Jesse! I'm sorry, ok, but she pulled my hair, it hurt, and she shouldn't do it." Steve could feel the temperature drop as his friend rounded on him again, and although he didn't' say anything, Steve was getting very fed up with it.

"Shhh, Honey, come on, baby, Mommy's waiting upstairs to see you." Jesse looked around and saw Steve rummaging about in the car, and then he brought out a ready-made bottle of formula. 

"Would this help?"

"Yeah, it might." Jesse sat back down in the back and took the small bottle without another word and gave it to his daughter, the crying stopped the instant the nipple was plunged into her mouth, and then apart from the sound of sucking there was complete silence.

"Wow, having a baby is exhausting isn't it? I guess the hair pulling is just the start. Don't children hit, thump even bite? And temper tantrums, and boys" Steve smiled, but as he looked at Jesse he could see that it wasn't being returned, something was very wrong between them, but he had no idea what. He watched Eliana as she drank her formula, every time she cried like that he felt drained. "I always feel so helpless when she really loses it."

"Yeah, well, you'll get over it, especially if you are planning on having some yourself."

"Maybe Jo and I should get a cat instead." But his words were lost as Jesse shut the car door to keep the chilly evening air off his daughter.  Steve sighed, nothing anybody said could put him off wanting to be in the same position as his friend, and soon, he hoped, very soon, but he also hoped that by then he and Jesse would be on much better terms than they were right now.

The bottle of ready-made formula was only small, and in five minutes the two men and their precious cargo were in the elevator on their way to the Rae's room.

The doors to the elevator pinged open and Steve, Jesse and Eliana came out, and suddenly both men felt nervous. 

"Jess, I'm gonna go see Alex, I don't want to intrude, but I'd appreciate it if you would let me know before you go home? I could do with a lift."

"Ok."  For a brief second Jesse just stood, and then with a look at his little girl he turned his back on Steve, moved down the hallway and tapped lightly on Rae's door.

Steve looked once again at Jesse's back, and then with a shake of his head he walked towards Alex's room.

Jesse took a moment to realise that Rae was out of bed and in a wheelchair, and then he was in the room and Rae was smiling and crying at the same time.

"mamamamadadadada" Eliana had no intention of keeping the reunion a quiet affair, she could see her mommy, and she wanted her. Jesse had trouble keeping hold of his daughter, and in the end he gave up and gently placed her in Rae's lap.

"Thank you. Jess, keep hold of her, because I can't." Rae looked down at her child and drank in every inch of her, "Oh, baby, your beautiful curls, they'll grow back though, won't they? Ana, I missed you so much… Oh, sorry, Jess."

"Honey, you can call her whatever you want. When you called out that she had taken Ana I knew I had you back, and now we have her back too, it doesn't matter any more."

Jesse looked at the scene in front of him, the two ladies he loved the most in the whole world were there sitting looking at him, and he knew that whatever had happened in the past his luck was still with him.

By the time Rae, Jesse and Eliana had had their reunion and were ready to face the world together, it was too late to release Rae that night, and so it was arranged that she would go home the next morning after rounds. Jesse kissed her goodnight, and then he and Eliana went home together. 

Rae had been sitting, still in her chair, for about ten minutes when there was another knock on the door. She looked up and her face broke into a smile when she saw her partner standing there.

"Steve, oh, Steve, thank you, thank you so much."

Steve came into the room, and as gently as he could he took her into his arms and hugged her. "Rae, oh, Honey, I have missed you, I'm so sorry about Eliana, and, and other things too."

Rae looked at him, all the euphoria gone suddenly to be replaced by the hurt she had felt when she learnt that he had abandoned her.

"How could you think I would murder someone, or three some ones, and to hurt Texas or your dad? Would you have testified against me, Steve, would you?"

"Oh, God, Rae, I don't know, I never got that far. He's my father, and he called your name out, he cried out 'Rae … no.' what was I supposed to think? They found your sneaker patterns in the blood, you had it all over your clothes, and it was my dad's." Steve had moved away from his partner and was pacing the room. 

"But your dad never thought I did it, he knew I was innocent all along, and he doesn't know me as well as you… nobody knows me as well as you."

"Ok, now look. I made a mistake, I can stand here and admit that, I'm not a coward, but the evidence was damning long before I started to doubt you, and that woman nearly killed my dad, and Jo, and everything pointed at you, Rae, what the hell else was I supposed to think?"

"I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DIDN'T DO IT!" Rae was shouting now, and she could feel the pain as it moved through every injured part of her, but she didn't care.

"I KNOW THAT NOW!" Steve's voice was matching her own, and he moved over and shut the door, glaring down the nurse who was tentatively making her way over towards them.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt when your dad told me you thought I was a killer?" Rae's voice sounded as if she had been de-pressurised. All the fight had suddenly left her. "You are my partner, even if I found you with a smoking gun in your hand I would know there had to be another explanation, and yet you just jumped on the bandwagon with everybody else, and convicted me, you didn't ask me whether I did it, you just assumed." Rae slowly and painfully turned her head away, and shut her eyes. 

"You were in jail, I am not family, I couldn't come see you, and it takes thirty days anyway. I did come when you were in here, but you were out cold. Rae, I'm glad that you have your daughter back, and if you want to work with me again when you are passed fit I will try and make it happen, but if you have lost confidence in me, then fine, I'll work with somebody else, but now I am going home to Jo, when you feel you can face me again, let me know."

Steve left the room and reached the parking lot before he realised that Jesse had gone home without him. 

"Dammit." Steve kicked a soda can across the lot, and remembered suddenly how he had dinged Rae's car when he did that, almost two years ago. As he stood there, he realised that parked just in front of him was Alex's car. He went back up into the hospital and after getting permission to use it, and the keys, made his usual journey home.

Dinner at the Walters residence that night had been a very quiet affair. Steve kept going over and over what Rae had said in his mind, but it didn't matter how many times he relived it he knew that he wouldn't have done things any differently. He didn't know if he would ever work with Rae again, he hoped so, but right now, he just wanted to forget.

Jo had watched her fiancé for a while as he ate. She knew that he didn't actually taste anything and was going through the motions.  She was so relieved to have him back, although she hadn't said anything to anyone while he had been away, all she could think of when she was alone was that he was chasing a serial killer who wouldn't want to be caught. The cop that was still inside her knew all the pitfalls, all the dangers that he faced every day, and they scared her half to death. Thankfully this time he had come back in one piece, but there had been no guarantee of that, there would never be any guarantee of that.

Mark had tried to make conversation for a while before giving it up as a bad job. Michael had served in his usual quiet efficient way, but somehow that had only accentuated the frosty and sombre mood of the table.

In the end Steve had stood up and picking up his wine glass had gone out into the garden. He had shut the door behind him and both Jo and Mark had known that he did not want company.

"Mark do you have any idea what is the matter with him?"

"No, not really, but I would imagine that now everything is back to normal, he is just beginning to realise that nothing is back to normal, if you see what I mean."

"I do, I guess we thought that when Eliana came home we would all be transported back to where we were before any of this happened. But that isn't how life is, is it? There has been too much hurt caused this time for us to just carry on without it affectin' us. I guess that woman has achieved what she set out to do after all."

Jo had got up herself then, and headed up the stairs. She could see why Rae retreated to her bedroom when life got tough, because that was what she was about to do.

Steve had sat out underneath the stars for over two hours before the cold finally drove him inside. His father had put his head round the door about an hour before to say that he was going to bed, and he knew that Michael wouldn't retire for the night until he did, so he guessed he ought to come in.

The house seemed very warm after the December air outside, and shrugging off the thick shirt he had on over his t-shirt he made his way up the stairs. The light shone out across the hallway from the room he shared with Jo, which surprised him, he felt sure she would have been asleep. He opened the door carefully in case she had nodded off with the light on, but she wasn't on or in the bed. "Jo, Honey, are you in here?"

Steve moved into the room and looked around, he was just about to go back out to look for her somewhere else when he saw her. Jo was sitting on the chair from her dressing table, but she had moved it over into the corner of the room, and she was perched on the seat, her arms protectively around her knees, which were drawn up to her chest. Steve looked at her and his heart sank. He had seen her like this, once before, then he had managed to get her back, but he wasn't so sure that he would be able to do it again.

"Jo?" Steve slowly moved towards her, not wanting to frighten her, but he had a feeling that she was completely unaware of his presence. "Jo, Sweetie, it's Steve," he was right next to her now, and he gently placed a hand on her shoulder. There was no response at all, and he knew that while he had been sitting looking at the stars, Jo had been in here, looking inwards, and now she had disappeared, but this time it seemed she was too far away for him to reach. 

For a few minutes while he calmed himself Steve held her close to him and gently stroked and kissed her hair. There was no response, but he just needed to feel her physical presence. Then he picked her up, and even though she was almost a dead weight, managed to get her over and onto the bed. She had undressed before she sat in the corner, and so he just pulled the covers up over her, and then after kissing her hair once more, he went in search of Michael and his father.

Wil had sedated Rae after her row with Steve, he still wanted to send her home the next day, and she needed to be rested for that to take place. If she stayed in the hospital he knew that she would wallow, and he had already seen what she was like when that was allowed to happen.

By nine the next morning, Jesse and Eliana were waiting in the hallway outside Rae's room. Eliana was in her stroller; she had a pink snowsuit on and little cream boots. When Jesse had arrived home the night before and unpacked everything he had found a parcel wrapped in gold paper, with '_To my goddaughter' _written on it. Inside had been the snowsuit, the little boots, a hat, mittens, everything the well-dressed little girl was wearing this winter, and she looked beautiful in it. Trouble was, it was very warm in the hospital, and if Rae didn't hurry up then the effect would be lost. The mittens and hat had already been pulled off, and Jesse could see Eliana eyeing up the boots as he sat there.

The door to Rae's room opened and she was wheeled out. Jesse could see that she'd had her hair cut and her make up done, he beamed at her and moved over and kissed her gently on the lips. Then he went back over and spun the stroller round so that Rae could see her daughter. 

"Oh, Honey, don't you look a picture." Rae smiled just as the first boot hit the floor, the second one followed, and then each foot in turn was moved up and the socks removed too.

Jesse looked at his little girl and shook his head. He put the socks and the boots back on, and considered the advantages of glue. Then he pushed the stroller towards the elevator and watched with pleasure as Rae was wheeled in to join them.

The journey down was a silent but relaxed one, and soon they were out by Jesse's car. Wil smiled at his temporary patient and began to speak. "Ok, we have gone over everything this morning, but I will just mention the main points again. You will need to get on your feet for a little while every day. The pain you felt was because you hadn't been using your legs as well as the injury. You will need to rest the leg as well as have physical therapy on it. I don't expect you to be joining in with the aerobic classes on the morning show yet, but a little exercise won't hurt, by which, at this early stage, I just mean standing up and sitting back down again a few times, ok?"

"Yes, Doctor Collins." Rae smiled, she had heard this before, but she had asked him to go through it all again, so that she didn't have to repeat it herself half a dozen times when she got home.

"Neck, shoulders, arms and hands are a different matter. Until we start the physical therapy after Christmas I want you to be very, very careful. Alex told me yesterday that he has an idea about a removable cast for your left arm, and I am going to go see him about it today. You are still very swollen, and until that goes down, we can't do anything very much, so be cautious. If it hurts, stop."

"I will, and Wil, thank you, thank you for everything."

"The chair and the neck brace go with you I'm afraid, but they will both be returned to me before too long." Wil smiled. He knew that Rae was coping far better than anyone had hoped with the fear being caused by the collar, but he also knew that she had been desperately hoping to leave it behind when she went home.

"How long, I just want to take it off, all the time." Rae fought the panic back down, and looked at her doctor.

"I don't know, but you are married to a doctor, I am sure that he will make a certain amount of time each day when you can take it off."

"I guess I can manage that." Jesse smiled. He had been thinking that himself, so it was nice to get it suggested by someone else.

Between them Jesse and Wil got Rae into the car without causing her too much extra pain, and then Wil folded the wheelchair and put it in the trunk along side Eliana's stroller.  He moved back round to the front of the car and smiled at Rae. Jesse pressed a button on the dashboard and the window came down.

"Ok, Rae, physical therapy starts for your knee tomorrow at ten, and then every other day after that. I won't see you every time you come, but I will make a point of being there tomorrow. Now you take care, and any problems, just call me."

"Wil, thank you, for everything, but especially taking over and putting up with so much when first Alex and then Jesse couldn't care for me."

"It was my pleasure, I know, I know," Wil could see Rae about to speak again. "You will be going back to Alex, and I am pleased that that is the case. He needs his confidence boosting a little right now, and he is a good doctor. Now, go home." Wil smiled and then so did Rae as she heard the car start. Slowly the window went back up and they drove out of the parking lot.


	34. 34 Road To Recovery

**Road To Recovery**

Steve had, much to his own astonishment, slept for most of the night. Once he had put Jo into bed the previous evening and alerted his dad and Michael to the problems with her they had sat out on the landing and talked for a little while. Steve had been able to tell Michael wasn't surprised that this had happened, disappointed, but not surprised, but now it was just after nine in the morning, the breakfast table was one person missing, and somehow the empty chair seemed to scream at him, and Steve found himself averting his gaze from that part of the table.

"Sir, if you don't mind my saying, you are not to blame for what happened last night." Michael put down a pot of fresh coffee and looked at the Lieutenant. 

"Michael, please sit down, we need to talk, and I can't do that with you standing up." Steve waited, he wasn't sure if the butler would do as he had asked, he was Jo's employee, after all, not his.

To Steve's relief Michael pulled out a chair, not where Jo usually sat, and once he was seated looked expectantly at Steve.

"You weren't surprised that this happened were you?"

"No, Sir, she has been all things to all people over the past year or so, and I knew that sooner or later this would happen again. But I am ashamed to say that last night I missed the signs."

"Michael, you aren't her nurse maid…"

"Begging your pardon, Sir, but if needs be, that is exactly what I am, last night I let her down, and now she is much further into herself than before, and it will take longer to get her back."

"Do you think she will want to go away again, back to Texas?" The thought struck Steve suddenly, and he found that he couldn't bear the idea of his life without her again.

"No, Sir, not this time. She is committed to you, and she knows that you are to her. She won't leave again."

"But for a while, she won't know she is here either." It was Mark who spoke; he had come down the stairs so quietly that neither man had heard him.

"Dad, you know one of us should help you." Steve was up and by his father's side in a heartbeat. 

"I am getting better every day, and it actually wasn't all that painful." Mark's eyes were still sparkling, and Steve knew that he was telling the truth.

"Well, come and sit down, and I'll pour you a …" Steve let the words trail away as he saw a fresh cup of coffee being put next to Mark's place at the table. Michael moved round and pulled out the chair, and Steve, with a smile, looked at his dad. "I guess you are sitting here then."

"Michael, thank you. I don't know how I am going to manage at home without you." Mark smiled as well. He had enjoyed the English man's company while he had been convalescing, and he knew he would miss him when he finally returned to the beach house after Christmas.

"I put my head round the bedroom door, and she is still fast asleep. It will do her good, Steve, just let her rest."

"I didn't try to wake her this morning, Dad, even though I wanted to. But why now, why didn't she go to pieces when Eliana was taken, or when you were stabbed?"

"Because, Sir, she isn't needed. Everybody has somebody else they can turn to, or lean on now and she can move away into the background and let life pass her by for a while."

"Steve, she was there for you the whole time when you had your hands in plaster, and I have to say, Son, you were a lousy patient at times, and when Rae was taken, and you couldn't do anything about it, she was there helping you to cope. Then thankfully we had a bit of down time, and you worked, and she just loved being there when you got home, and spending time with Rae while she was pregnant, she had a normal life for a while, and any danger of her withdrawing receded into the background. But now, well everything was threatened this time. If Eliana had been found dead, or worse, not found at all, she knew that the whole new life she had made for herself would crumble away. She had to save it and so, as Michael said, she became all things to all people until they didn't need her anymore, and then yesterday, she gave in and let her own demons out." Mark stopped speaking, and he could see Steve listening to his every word and Michael nodding his agreement.

"Sir, she may stay in her room for days, even weeks; until we can reach her, she won't move."

"Oh, God. Why didn't I stay with her last night? That damn argument with Rae was going round and round in my brain, I should have just locked it away and tended to my own."

"What argument with Rae?" Mark looked concerned.

"I went to see her last night, and she thanked me for finding Eliana, and then, I apologised, 'for all sorts of things', I think I said, and she just blew up. I know it hurt her, not just mentally but physically too, she yelled at me, and I yelled at her, and we didn't solve anything. I will have to go see her again, but not yet, today I'll call in sick and stay with Jo."

Rae's homecoming had been very quiet. She had sat in the car while she watched Jesse take Eliana in the house, and then he had come back and helped her into her wheelchair and pushed her inside as well. Rae had had Jesse push her into each room in turn, just so that she could see her house again. Once she was finally in the living room Jesse had parked her by the doors to the deck and she had looked out on the garden for a while. Jesse had crouched down next to her and taken her hand.

"Glad to be home?"

"Oh, Jess, you have no idea. I can't remember much about my time in jail, but I do know that I didn't think I would ever be back here again."

"In this house, or with us?"

"Both. Jesse, I was arrested by Cheryl. She's a good cop, and when I was in my cell on my own, which I had to be almost all the time because of what people were doing to me, I knew that I would never get home. Jess, I would have got the death penalty, and I'm a cop, there would have been no leniency."

Jesse wanted her to stop talking, the pain in her voice, combined with the matter of a fact way she was talking was breaking his heart, but he needed to know more of what had happened. "What did they do to you Rae?"

"It was just cat calls, I got spat at a lot. Little things, nothing terrible, but I think that had I been there any longer then the comments and the pushing and shoving would have worn me down in the end. Jesse, do you know what happened to me, how I got injured?"

Jesse shook his head. He had tried to find out, but then Eliana had been taken and he had forgotten all about it. "I know that Steve and Ron both know. Rae did you know that Jo put up a reward for Eliana's recovery?" Jesse looked over to where their little girl was sitting in her stroller playing with the row of people strung across the front.

"Yes, I think so."

"It was ten thousand dollars."

"Oh, Jesse, we won't ever be able to pay that back."

"I don't think she expects us to, she's a good friend, Rae, you and I, we have some good friends."

For a moment Rae remembered the anger in Steve's eyes the night before, but she closed her mind to the memory. She felt a yawn escape and Jesse smiled at her.

"How about I make you a sandwich for lunch, and then you and Eliana can have a nap, and we can re-group mid afternoon?"

"That sounds lovely, thank you. I guess I have to nap on the bed don't I? I can't sleep on the sofa or the recliner?"

"Nope, bad for your back and shoulders."

"Yes, Doctor Travis." Rae had smiled. Right now she would do whatever he wanted her to, she was just glad to be home.

Steve had taken a plate of sandwiches up to Jo just after one, and carefully opened the door to their room. Jo was sitting up in bed, looking ahead of herself, turning a solid bangle round and round her fingers as she sat there.

"Jo, Honey, can I come in?"

If she heard him Jo gave no indication, and so with a sigh Steve moved a little closer to her. "I made you some lunch, no that's a lie, Michael made you some lunch and I carried it up the stairs. If you want me to stay I will, or I can go again, it's up to you." There was still no response, and so Steve placed the plate on the nightstand, and then he moved round so he was in her eye line, Jo looked at where he was standing, but he knew that she didn't see him, not as someone to interact with, talk to, be with. He knew that he might be in front of her, but she was nowhere near him. "Ok, I'm going to go take a shower, and then I will come and see you again before I go down stairs."

Steve had left the room to take a shower down the hall, he didn't want to use the one in their bathroom, he wasn't sure why, but he walked down to the next room along. He stood in the cubicle with his head resting on the tiles in front of him and let the water beat down on his back. If he shut his eyes he could see Jo looking right through him, her face expressionless, and the only movement was her hands turning the bangle over and over and over. Steve clenched his fist and thumped it against the wet tiles. For a moment he needed someone to blame, and the only person who came to mind was Rae. She had kept him at the hospital, so he hadn't noticed Jo was suffering. His life had become far more complicated since she had arrived from London. If she had never come none of this would have happened. He leant over and switched the water off, and then began to dry himself. 

Rae had woken up just before four and for a moment she had been unaware of where she was. Then with a smile she realised that the ceiling had changed, it was no longer a dingy white, but a bright clean white with swirly patterns in the paint. Home, she was home. But that brought problems with it. She no longer had a buzzer underneath her hand, she couldn't bang on the wall, and if she shouted she would wake her daughter. As she lay there thinking Rae became aware of something resting by her right hand. She turned her head slightly and saw a post it note with the words '_speak and I will hear you_' on it.

Rae decided to give it a go. "I am awake." There was silence, and Rae waited, then slowly the door opened, and a smiling Jesse poked his head round.

"Hey, would you like to join us, sleeping beauty?"

"Is Eliana awake?"

"Oh, yeah, she has been awake for about an hour. I thought you would have woken up when she cried, guess you were out for the count."

"I was sedated last night after my row with Steve, that might have something to do with it."

"What row with Steve… Steve. Oh, I was supposed to drive him home, I completely forgot. It wasn't about that was it?"

"No, he didn't say anything about that. I thanked him for finding Ana, but it just seemed to go away from us after that. We ended up screaming at each other, and then I shut my eyes and he left."

"Why did you argue with him?"

Rae looked at Jesse. "Where's Eliana?"

"In her stroller playing with the little people again, I'll go get her and wheel her in here if you like."

"Yes, please, I like to see her, I don't want to be separated from her, not ever again." Rae waited, and then the door opened and Jesse wheeled their smiling, happy, beautiful daughter into the room and Rae felt as if her heart would burst. She didn't speak for a few minutes, she just lay there and watched as the little podgy fingers made the people bounce and spin on the elastic cord strung across in front of her. Rae knew it was impossible, but she just wanted to remember everything she did and said, for always.

"Honey, are you all right?" Jesse had been watching his wife's face as she had looked at their little girl, he could see the love and happiness there, but also a slightly wistful look.

"Yeah, I was just enjoying watching her, she doesn't seem to have been affected by what happened does she? I guess it was beyond her comprehension, thank goodness."

"I guess you're right, and now she is home where she belongs, and I intend to make sure that that never changes… What did you want to talk to me about, you said you rowed with Steve?"

Rae paused for a moment as she thought back to the previous evening. "He thought I was guilty. That I had attacked Mark, and Texas, and killed three people." Rae didn't say anything else, and she could tell from Jesse's face that he was already aware of Steve's feelings. "You knew he thought that."

"I heard him talking to Tony when I was in the hospital. But I didn't know you knew, Honey, I am so sorry. He was in a difficult position and I was hurt when I found out so I am sure you are too… and that sounded real lame."

"No, I was hurt which was why I yelled at him, and then I hurt in a different way. Every bit of me hurts so much that I forgot I have broken ribs."

"You should hug a pillow, that helps."

"I thought I would be strapped up for ages, but that didn't happen."

"It isn't common practice any more to tape ribs, compromises the breathing even more than the ribs do."

"Oh, ok, I'll take your word for it. Now can we go in the lounge please?"

"Yeah, sure." Jesse helped her gently into the chair. He knew that he needed to speak with Steve. He had been hard on his friend when he was waiting for his little girl to come back to him, but Steve had been hard on him too, and well, Rae needed him right now, apologies could wait. 

Jo's eyes had been closed and she was lying down in the bed when Steve had checked on her as he promised he would. The sandwich had been left untouched and with a sigh he had taken it downstairs and then moved into the morning room. He sat by the window and tried to get his mind round all the things that had happened to him lately. Part of him wished that he could shut down for a while and retreat to his bed, but he knew that wasn't the way he dealt with things, and after about five minutes he would be fidgeting and ready to get up again. In the end he had headed back up the stairs, quietly stolen into the bedroom and got his running kit, and then he had changed and left the house, intending to try and sort some of his problems out as he pounded the miles away between him and a clear head.

Rae had been happy lying on Tony's chair watching her family going about their business for most of the late afternoon. Eliana had played contentedly on the floor. She had a shape sorter that Jesse had bought for her because it had said seven months plus on it. Eliana had no idea what to do with it, but she liked the shapes and sat for ages sucking them and putting them down and picking them back up again. The soggy giraffe was there with her, and Rae knew that her soft doll was in her bed. Rae had put a call through to Sally after she had woken up, and invited her round whenever she wanted to come so that she could see for herself that Eliana really was ok now. 

Jesse had called Barbeque Bob's and one of the waiters had dropped some take out off for them at the end of his shift. Rae had been looking forward to it and hadn't even minded that Jesse had helped her eat her ribs. She had got covered in sauce, and in the end had agreed to wear a bib with 'Mommy's Little Angel' on the front of it. Jesse had wondered whether she would lose her temper when he had suggested the bib, but she had laughed, and it hadn't spoilt anything.

Eliana had stayed up for quite a while longer than she normally did, but neither Rae nor Jesse had wanted to put her to bed. They needed to spend as much time as possible with her, but in the end she had fallen asleep on the floor and Jesse had gently picked her up and carried her off to sleep in her own bed. For a few minutes they had sat, Rae in Tony's chair and Jesse on the sofa, but then Rae had shuffled forwards and begun to stand up.

"Rae, Honey, what are you doing?" Jesse was immediately on his feet and by her side.

"I… I want to sit with you." 

"Well, let me help you. You can sit, carefully, but with my help, ok?"

They had sat on the sofa, with Rae leaning into her husband's body, and drawing strength from the warmth emanating from it. "Oh, Rae, I have missed you so much." Jesse turned slightly towards her and hesitantly placed a kiss on her lips. Rae had many demons in her mind, but she kept her eyes open and her gaze firmly on her husband's face, and gradually she relaxed into the kiss, and for the first time in many weeks she began to respond.

Rae had let Jesse carefully move her back into the wheelchair and then he had pushed her into the main bedroom. He had helped her get undressed, and when he had pulled back the covers she could see that there was now a wedge shaped piece of foam there, which would mean that she could lie half propped up if she wanted to. "Jesse, thank you, that will make life more comfortable."

Rae lay against her new backrest and then watched as Jesse moved over towards the door. "Jess, where are you going?"

"I didn't know if you wanted me in here, I thought I would go back to the spare room."

"Jesse Travis, don't you dare. You are just testing me out, and I know it, now get undressed and get into bed, before I do let you go down the hall."

"Yes, Ma'am!" Jesse smiled; he knew that his bluff had been called. He slipped out of his clothes and climbed into bed next to his wife, then very gently he gathered her up in his arms and she rested her head on his chest, and he shivered as he felt her kiss it tenderly. "Rae."

"Shhh, I'm not going to do anything, I can't, I actually want to, but I can't. I just love to feel your skin against mine, and for now that is all I am gonna get, so I plan to enjoy it." She felt Jesse nuzzle down into her hair, and for a moment Rae closed her eyes, as the feelings of love and pleasure coursed through her. "Never again, Jess, I will never shut you out again, I promise you that."

By the time Steve got home it was almost dark, and he knew that his dad would be worried, and Michael ready to serve dinner. He came in through the laundry room, kicking his running shoes off as he did so. As he thought, Mark was standing waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

"And where have you been?"

"Climbing Mount Everest, what does it look like?"

"Steve!"

"I'm sorry, Dad, but look at me, where do you think I've been?"

"Climbing Mount Everest, so come get your dinner." Mark walked painfully towards the dining room and Steve moved over to help him. "I can manage, it doesn't pull as much as it used to, and I have to get used to caring for myself again."

"No, you don't. You can live here permanently, you know that."

Mark looked at Steve as if he was completely mad, and then, after pulling the face of an extremely old man, began to speak in a shaky voice.

"Well, I don't know, I have all my little things around me, and the pretty ladies on the sand, and my slippers are there, and I have a nice cozy blanket over the back of the sofa, and sometimes I can sit with a nice warm milk and watch…"

"Ok, ok, I get the message, Methuselah, now put your teeth in, and we can go eat." Steve turned to his dad and saw him looking straight at him, his eyes alert and clear. 

Steve felt his arm being squeezed for a moment, and he knew that for as long as he needed him, Mark wouldn't be going back to the beach house, and then he stopped being serious and resumed his previous expression, "is it Tuesday? Because Tuesday is my favourite day, I have clear broth and tapioca, all that milk it's good for you y'know."

"You know I could drive you back to the beach house right now if you would like!"

Rae woke the next morning to see the winter sun streaming through a gap in the curtains. As she lay watching the pattern of the sun on the ceiling she could hear her daughter in the nursery chuntering away to her soft dolly and probably her reflection in the mirror that Jesse had put on the side of the crib. Life had finally decided to give her a break and she was astute enough to realise that you had to grab these times with both hands, or in her case at the moment, metaphorically with both hands, and keep them close to your heart. 

It was another half an hour before Jesse stirred next to her. The alarm clock they had, put the time on the ceiling, and for once Rae, had found it restful to watch the figures click by. Normally she felt as if she was watching her life pass, but this morning she had felt the opposite, she had been living every second of every minute that had appeared on the ceiling. The sounds of her little girl, of her husband sleeping beside her, they had all meant so much to her and for those thirty minutes they had been hers and hers alone.

As Jesse came out of the shower there was a knock at the door. "Oh, great! Why can't these people wait another few minutes?"

"What people?" Rae looked confused; she didn't think anybody was coming to visit.

"Whoever is at the door?" Jesse grabbed his robe and shrugged into it, mumbling to himself as he headed for the front door. As Jesse put his hand on the doorknob he suddenly realised that the security guard hadn't called him and he had no idea who was at there. He looked through the peephole and saw a smiling and for the time of day ridiculously cheerful FedEx deliveryman.

"Good morning, Mr. Yeager." A bright cheery voice floated back towards the bedroom, making Rae even more confused, and then she heard Jesse as he replied.

"Travis, that's Doctor Travis. Yeager is my wife's name." 

"Oh, well will you sign for this?"

"Yeah, I guess, once you show me some ID." Jesse waited and a plastic card was pushed under his nose. "My name is Kieran Farrell, and I have a special delivery letter."

A clipboard replaced the ID card and Jesse signed where the two X's had been marked. Then the clipboard disappeared and an envelope was thrust into his hand.

"Have a nice day."

After the young man left, Jesse closed and locked the door and leaned back against it with a sigh.  "Have a nice day, catch me on the way out of the shower, call me by the wrong name, see me in my robe, and he expects me to have a nice day… and what are you smiling at?" Jesse was back to the bedroom before he finished his grumbling.

"I married the Grinch."

"Oh ha, ha. This is for you."

Jesse handed over an official looking envelope, which had the stamp of the District Attorney's office on the front of it. Rae raised her right arm slightly to take the envelope and then concentrated for a moment as she tried to work out how to open it.

"Would you like me to do it for you?"

Rae smiled and tried to shake her head, but feeling the pain it generated she stopped. "No, thank you, I will do it. It may take a while, but I will open it myself."

"Ok. I'll go see Eliana."

Jesse left the room and Rae looked at the envelope again. She knew what was going to be inside it, and part of her didn't want to open it, but she needed the information so she didn't have a lot of choice. But decision-making didn't open the flap, and that was what she needed to do.  For a few minutes she concentrated on her arms and hands.  She couldn't move her left arm at all, but she could move the fingers, and so she could use her hand as long as there was no other movement involved. She could move the whole of her right arm, and at a pinch she guessed she could actually move it up and around in it's normal movement arc, but Wil had told her not to, and she had no intention of disregarding what he had said just to prove her point. Once she had thought that through she realised that opening the envelope was possible as long as she was careful. "Jesse, Jesse!" 

"Yeah, Honey, are you all right?" Jesse and Eliana appeared in the doorway.

"Mamamamama."

"Hey, Sweetie, how are you today? Jesse could you help me up and put that wedge thing behind me please?"

"Sure, hold on." Jesse put Eliana down on the floor and then he did as he was asked, making sure that he didn't hurt Rae in the process.

By the time she was sitting up Rae was a little short of breath, but at least she could now open her letter. "Whoo, thanks." Rae had the envelope in her right hand and she carefully shuffled her fingers round it until it was the right way round for her to pull at the end with her left hand. Gradually the top came open and after about three minutes she was able to pull the letter out from inside. With a huge grin of satisfaction on her face Rae let go of the envelope and then began to slowly unfold the piece of paper that had the object of the exercise.

Jesse had watched her carefully the whole time she was concentrating on her task. She seemed to be in control of her pain, even though it was obviously a struggle for her. He knew that Rae wouldn't want him to suggest again that he opened it so he waited and hoped she would be able to finish the job herself. "What does it say?"

"It says that I have to be in court on Monday 23rd December, that's next Monday isn't it?"

"Yeah, the day before Christmas Eve Day."

"I didn't think the courts would be open next week."

"Well, they aren't open Christmas Day, but that's it. The rest of the time they will be."

"Oh, I guess I've not really thought about it before. I don't think I have had a case come to court here at Christmas."

"Now, you need to get up, get dressed and get to the hospital, you have physical therapy at ten."

Jesse's cell began to ring as they drove into the parking lot at Community General. He pulled into the closest empty space and picked it up. "Doctor Travis… Oh, hey, Mark, I'm at the hospital, Rae has an appointment this morning… I'm sure she will… no I'll drop her off, I have some shopping to do… ok, bye."

Jesse got out of the car and took the wheelchair out of the trunk. He moved round and opened Rae's door and then began to help her out, talking as he did so. "That was Mark, Jo isn't very well, and he wondered whether you could go see her… Rae you have got to eat something, you weigh almost nothing."

"What is the matter with her?"

"I don't know, Mark didn't say, you heard me tell him I would drop you off, right? That's ok isn't it?"

"Yeah, hey, Sweetie, you can sit on my lap." Rae had a pair of baby reins, which Jesse had attached to the wheelchair. They slid the child into them and then Jesse fastened them. For a moment Eliana struggled against the restraints, but then she felt the warmth of her mommy's body and snuggled back against her and Rae relaxed. They hadn't been certain that it was going to work, but Jesse couldn't push a stroller and a chair, so travelling as a three was going to be a little difficult for a while.

Mark put the phone down after speaking to Jesse, and moved slowly from his seat in the hallway towards the stairs. He had to admit life had been much easier when Jo had been downstairs, but he was very worried about her, and he wanted to be back upstairs in case she needed him.

He could feel his wound pulling as he climbed, and once he arrived on the first floor landing he went into the first bathroom to check that everything was still as it should be. Relieved to see that it was just the extra exercise that was causing the discomfort he carried on over towards Jo and Steve's bedroom door. Steve hadn't wanted to work, but he still had paperwork to deal with from when Rae was attacked in the hospital, and from the conclusion to Eliana's kidnapping and Louise Willis' death, so he knew that until all that was sorted out he would need to be at the station. Mark knew that Steve had spoken to Captain Newman and he had agreed to Steve working the rest of the week on desk duty so that he could be available should Jo need him. Mark smiled, he couldn't believe the difference it made to him knowing that Steve was at the station and not out facing god knew what, he had told Jo about it, but he wasn't sure if she had taken it in or not.

Mark tapped on the bedroom door, and without waiting for an answer he opened it and went into the room. "Honey, it's Mark, I need to speak with you."

Jo was still in bed, she hadn't, to his knowledge, moved since Steve had put her to bed on the Saturday evening, and it was now Monday morning. There was another cold cup of coffee on the nightstand, along with two slices of toast. Mark sighed, she had eaten a plate of egg sandwiches that Michael had made her on the Sunday evening, but that was all. 

Mark moved closer to her and sat carefully on the edge of the bed. "Jo, Honey, I just spoke to Jesse, and he is dropping Rae off here after her physical therapy session this morning, I just thought you might like to be downstairs when she gets here, because I'm not sure that she can cope with stairs yet." Mark looked into the face of his future daughter-in-law and saw a small spark of something, that he hoped was recognition, but he wasn't sure. "She will be here in about an hour if you want to get up, have a little wash and be downstairs waiting for her." Mark stood again, using his arm to push himself up. As he did so he felt Jo's hand cover his own. It was ice cold, and he took it in between the palms of his hands and rubbed gently. "Oh, Sweetie, it will be all right, in the end it will be all right." Jo didn't say anything, and slowly Mark let her hand rest back on the covers. "I'll be in my room, having a little rest if you need me."

Mark walked down towards the lovely room that Michael had prepared for him before he came home from the hospital. The first journey upstairs had been a nightmare, but it had been decided that during the day Mark could read or watch TV, and if he needed Michael there was a bell push in the room, Steve wanted to know that if anything should happen at night when they were all asleep they were at least all on the same floor. Mark smiled, sometimes he still saw the little boy, with tousled blonde hair and skinned knees, and then he would see him looking at him with the concern and love only possible from adult to adult and realise that he hadn't done a bad job of raising his only son. Mark opened his bedroom door and sank gratefully into the chair just inside the door and let his body begin to recover from its morning exertions. 

"I don't care, I'm not coming again, it hurt." Rae was sitting in the car, looking straight out of the windshield.

"Don't pout, you know that you have to come back on Wednesday, but you get tomorrow off."

"I am not pouting, it hurt."

"Rae, Honey, you haven't used your legs for a week, they were both damaged when you got hurt in prison, and the left one is gonna need a lot of effort on your part, but if you want to be able to keep up with Steve when you are back at work then you have got to do your exercises."

"I should have married a grocer."

"Oh, thank you very much, remind me not to care so much next time you come for therapy. Now, I promised I would take you to see Jo, so if you are ready to stop pouting, that is what I will do."

"I am not pouting… well maybe I am, but just a little bit."

Jesse put his hand over Rae's as it rested in her lap and then started the car. Eliana was sitting in the back and he could see her face in the mirror that was attached to the rear window. She was happily chewing on her hand and he had a feeling that he should add teething gel to his shopping list.

Michael walked to the entrance way as he heard the bell ring through the ground floor of the Walter's residence. He opened to door to see the doctor standing by the car his daughter still inside it, and Mrs Travis sitting in her wheelchair right in front of him.

"Hi, Michael, you did know I was coming, right?"

"Yes, Madam, Doctor Sloan did inform me of his phone call. Are the Doctor and Miss Eliana not coming in? I think it might do Miss Josephine good to see her goddaughter."

"Oh, ok. We, ah, we didn't know what's wrong with her, and I didn't want Ana to catch anything."

"Madam has nothing … catching, I think that you could all come in for a short while."

"Could you tell Jesse then? I can't actually turn round in this thing."

Michael moved past Rae and began talking to her husband, and then she felt hands on the back of her chair and she was pushed into the morning room.

"Texas? Are you ok?"

At first there was no reaction at all from Rae's friend who was sitting in the chair closest to the windows staring out into her beloved garden, but as the sound of Eliana's happy babbling reached her ears she turned slightly in her chair.

"Dadadadamamamadadada." Eliana used the same sounds whoever she was looking at, and right now she was looking at her Aunty Jo. Jesse moved as close as he dared, and gently placed the little girl on the floor by Jo's feet.

"Jo, I have errands to run, do you want me to take the baby with me, or would you like her to stay?" Jesse had spoken quickly with Michael, and had deliberately phrased his question so that Jo would have to answer.

"Please, let her stay." Jo looked down at the little child, she could see where her curls had been hacked away, and she felt the tears that had been threatening her for days move a little closer to the surface.

Jesse placed his hand on her shoulder for a moment and then he moved across to Rae and crouched down in front of her. "I'm going to go get the groceries, is there anything that you fancy for dinner, or tomorrow's meals?"

"No, I'll eat whatever you prepare for me, as long as it isn't still moving." Rae closed her eyes as Jesse pressed a kiss to her lips, and found that the only face behind her lids was her husband's. "I love you, Jesse Travis."

"Good, I love you too, I'll pick you up in a couple of hours. Bye all. Michael, I'll just go up and see Mark before I leave, if that's ok with you." With a cheery wave Jesse left the morning room, and Rae could hear his feet as they padded up the staircase on the way to see his friend.

Michael had placed Rae's chair next to where Jo was sitting, and their knees were almost touching. Eliana was happily sitting between the feet supports on her mom's chair and Jo's furry slippers, which she hadn't spotted yet. She had the soggy giraffe and the shape sorter in front of her, and she was quite content.

"Texas, Honey, what's the matter?" Rae felt so helpless, Jo had always been there for her with a hug or a touch whenever she needed it, and now that the situation was reversed she couldn't reach out to her. "Texas, look at me, please, let me help you."

Slowly Jo lifted her head and looked into the eyes of her best friend. Rae could see that there was pain and fear as well as confusion and plain exhaustion there, and she realised that all the problems of everybody else had finally taken their toll on Jo.

"Want me to tell you what I think the problem is?" Rae didn't wait for an answer, she thought that maybe if she spoke for a while she would begin to break through the air of misery that was surrounding her friend. "I think that you have been too strong for too long. When was the last time that you let yourself be the one needing the hug, or the kind word? You have been there for Steve, Alex, Jesse, Mark and Shannon, as well as me. Honey, everybody needs somebody else, and you are no different. I'm sorry I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I didn't realise how much you were hurting. Steve went away…" Rae stopped talking for a moment as she saw Jo react. "That was what did it, wasn't it? When Steve went away, when he left you." Rae pressed on, hoping for another reaction.

"He had to go, Rae, look at her, she is just beautiful, he had to get her back but I was just so scared." The tears reached the surface this time, and Jo began to cry. She moved out of her seat, and carefully avoiding Eliana she fell to her knees and lay her head in Rae's lap. 

Rae was delighted to find that she could lift her right arm and place her hand on Jo's head. She remembered how soothing the actions had been when she had needed Texas in the hospital, and so she gently stroked her hair, ignoring the pain the movements caused, knowing that right now her best friend's pain was far greater than her own. The sound of Jo's cries deepened and soon her body was wracked with the deep heartrending sobs of emotions that she had buried too deep for too long. All the worries she had felt when Steve had been injured at the docks, the heartbreak she had felt when Rae had been taken, the helplessness of Eliana's early birth, and then all the horror of the past fortnight gradually found their way out into the air, and for a while the sounds of Jo's anguish was mixed with the sounds of her goddaughter's gurgles as she played next to the distraught figure of her aunt.

Michael left the three ladies together for a half hour after he had heard the tears begin to subside before he took in a plate of sweet and savoury scones, egg sandwiches, and butter curls on a trolley together with an herbal tea and a coffee. There was also a plate of tiny sandwich squares and a drink of milk for Miss Eliana.

Jo still had her head in Rae's lap, but she was no longer crying. She had gradually been getting herself a little collected, and as she saw the door begin to open she straightened back up and sat in her chair again. As she did so she felt something cold and wet. "Oh, ewwwww, what is that?" Eliana had been very quiet for the last five minutes or so, and when Jo looked down she could see why. Her fluffy slippers were now soggy slippers, and resembled the giraffe. Jo leant over and picked up her goddaughter, and much to her disgust forced open her mouth to make sure that there weren't any bits of fur inside. "It's ok, Rae, she doesn't have any of the furry stuff in her little mouth."

"Texas, I am so sorry, look at your slipper." Rae tried to suppress a giggle, but she wasn't successful. "Ana, you are a naughty girl." Eliana wasn't at all bothered, and now delighted to be up where all the action was just bounced on Jo's lap and squealed.

"Excuse me, Madam, but I have brought you a light luncheon."

"Thank you, Michael." Jo smiled and her butler returned it. 

"I am pleased to be able to welcome you back, Madam."

Jo smiled again. "You can thank Rae an' Eliana for that. I guess I have you an' Mark to be grateful to for invitin' them over?"

"Yes, Madam, the Doctor did suggest it, and now if you will excuse me, I will take him up his luncheon too."

Michael went out and shut the door, and Jo leant over and picked up a little square, which she sniffed. "Oh, yuk, I hate this stuff, but Michael says that it is a British institution. Hey, do you know what it is?" Jo smiled suddenly, and Rae could see that she was enjoying herself. 

Rae smelt the little square of sandwich and a smile crossed her face. "That is Marmite." Rae put the bread in her mouth. "Wherever did Michael get it from?"

"He has an account with an Internet grocery service, which specialises in British food and goods. Last Burns night we had haggis."

"Oh, how nice!" Rae's voice showed that she thought exactly the opposite. "I have never tasted it, but I know what's in it." Rae heard her daughter begin to squeal. "Ah, I think Ana wants her lunch."

Jo looked down and realised that the little girl could see the sandwiches on the trolley and wanted her share. Jo picked up another little square and she handed it to Eliana. The two women watched as the little girl beat it into submission before popping it into her mouth. She sucked and slurped on it until it was reduced to a soggy mass and then with a little grin swallowed it and looked round for the next one.

Jo took an egg sandwich and began to eat it, and then she looked over towards Rae. "An' do I have to feed you too?"

"I'm afraid so, but I can wait. Jo, talk to me, tell me what the matter is."

"You know, you had it so right. Everybody seemed too fragile, they all needed somebody, an', an' it just seemed to always be me. Alex, he was so scared you know, he blamed himself for Eliana's disappearance. He wasn't scared for himself, or what that woman did to him, he was worried for you an' your child."

"I know, I've spoken to him, and I hope I have made him understand that there is no blame, and even if there was it would not be aimed at him. It was nobody's fault."

"I just felt that everybody else seemed to need me, an' I couldn't let them down, they needed somebody who could be strong, an' say the right things, an' cover for them when things got hard, I don't know why it had to be me, but it just seemed to work that way."

"I know why it has to be you, but you may not like it, because I don't think it is ever going to change." Rae smiled, hoping that her assumptions were right. "You are engaged to Steve." Rae was rewarded with a big smile from her friend when she said that. "He is a very strong character, always takes charge, and we all count and rely on him, I guess we all just started to do the same with you too. I'm sorry, we never meant to make you ill, and I for one will try to take a step back next time we face a crisis, and not dump on you too much."

"Rae, you maybe right. He is strong an' I certainly feel much safer an' more secure when he is around, but he is human just like the rest of us. Look what happened at the docks, an' all I could think of when he went to Fresno was that that woman had killed three people, an' tried to kill two more, an' he was walkin' like Daniel into the lion's den an' there was nothin' I could do about it."

"Texas, I am so sorry, he saved my daughter, but I was too messed up to even think about the danger he was putting himself in. There isn't anything else I can say… except, please may I have a sandwich?"

Jo laughed then, and gently placing Eliana back down on the carpet with her bottle she picked up an egg sandwich and smiled. "How high can you lift your right hand?"

"Not very high, why?"

"I just wondered whether you could do this yourself yet?"

"I wish I could, because I am already relying on you again, and you aren't ready for that yet."

"A couple of sandwiches I can cope with, a full blown crisis might take a little longer to deal with."

This time it was Rae who laughed, and then waited for her sandwich to be fed to her.

Steve had spent the morning writing, reports, crime figures, all the things that needed to be tied up so that he could put the Louise Willis file on the Captain's desk and forget all about it. By half past twelve he was just about done, and for the first time in weeks, his hands ached, reminding him of the assault at the docks. He couldn't believe how easy it had been to forget the overwhelming helplessness he had felt, and how he'd been so reliant on everybody else. He guessed that Jesse was right, it would always be with him, but he could cope with it being with him in the back of his mind if it meant he could still do the job he loved. Grabbing his jacket from the back of his seat he decided he would have his lunch at home. 

As Steve came in through the front door he heard laughter coming from the morning room, and with a smile on his face moved over towards the door.

"If you hold it that far away, I can't reach, that's not fair."

"Honey, nobody ever said life had to be fair. Now, open up, here comes the choo choo!"

Steve heard a sound that he remembered from school as a raspberry, and knew without a doubt that Rae was here. He didn't know why her presence made him feel instantly angry, but it did, and he pushed the door open with a bang, frightening the life out of his goddaughter, as well as the two other women in the room.

"Steve!" Jo looked at him, and the relaxed look in her eyes was replaced instantly by concern and anxiety, as Eliana's loud cries left none of them in any doubt about just how scared she had been.

"Rae, what are you doing here?"

"Well, and good afternoon to you too. I came to see my friend; your dad called and said she needed me, so I came. That's what friends do."

"Maybe she wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for you."

"Steve, that is enough!" Jo was on her feet now, all the good results that Rae had achieved blown away in an instant.

"No, it's nowhere near enough. Every way you turn, Rae, you end up in trouble, and we have to come along and pick up the pieces. I am just so sick of it!" He moved over beside Jo, instinctively wanting to protect her from Rae's next disaster, but Jo brushed him off and stepped away.

 "Yeah, well, Steve, life's a bitch and then you die, so GET OVER IT!"  Jo yelled, but she wasn't looking at either of them, and she couldn't see the look of horror in his eyes at what he had done, or the look of hurt and abandonment in Rae's, but she suddenly realised that something had changed.

Steve looked into the eyes of his partner, and he realised just how wrong he had been. "Rae, I'm sorry." Steve turned away, but not before Rae saw the tears that were there and knew she had to do something to save what they had.


	35. 35 Rest and Recuperation

**Rest and Recuperation**

Rae sat and looked at her partner. Jo had stood up and scooping Eliana into her arms had moved out into the hallway. "Steve, please, do you really think that? That everything is my fault?"

"No, no I don't, and I shouldn't have said anything like it. I, I just feel helpless when Jo is like she has been the last few days, I needed someone to blame, and you were an easy target, and then just now…" Steve trailed off, he felt very guilty now that he had realised why she had made him so angry, and he knew that what he was about to say would make him sound like a spoilt child. "When I heard your voice in here, and then Jo's and she was happy and laughing I… I was jealous."

"Jealous, what of?" Rae looked completely confused as she listened to her partner.

"Jealous of you, because you helped her talk, and laugh and I couldn't get any response out of her at all."

"Oh, Steve." Rae's voice was soft, and somehow that made it worse, he felt unable to look her in the eye, but he knew that he had to make his peace with her now, or he may never get a chance to do it again.

"Don't Rae, I don't need your sympathy." His voice grew hard again, as he fought his emotions.

"Ok, maybe I just need to collect my daughter and go home, Jesse will be here in a few minutes anyway. You know where I am if you want to talk."

"Dammit, Rae, you know I want to talk, but I don't know what to say."

"Well, maybe you could tell me how I am supposed to trust a partner who thinks me capable of murder? That would be a good start." Rae's voice had lost its compassion, and Steve could see that her right hand was held in a tight fist.

"Until Dad was attacked, I didn't. I knew it looked bad for you, but I didn't believe that you could kill somebody in cold blood. But Rae, he's my father, and I had to go with what he said."

"The man was under the influence of the anaesthetic, and as soon as he was able he told you that it wasn't me. I didn't see you come rushing to my side then."

"Rae, I'll admit, I got sucked in by the way she framed you, if I had thought for a while, maybe I would have made the connection between you, Levington and then Willis, but I didn't. It wasn't my case, I had other things to deal with, and the main one was my dad being in the hospital with a stab wound to his side, and a ruptured colon. Life wasn't great for me either you know."

"I know. But when Mark told you it wasn't me, why didn't you believe him?" Rae wouldn't let it go. She needed to know.

"Because I knew that you were ill. I had seen you lose it at Bob's, you pulled a gun on Jesse and me, assaulted a police officer, Honey, you were behaving irrationally. I was scared for you, I knew you needed help, and the only way I could see you getting it was if you were convicted and sent to a secure psyche ward. All the evidence pointed to you, I didn't want you to get off on a technicality and not get help."

"So you were doing it because you cared?" she said sarcastically.

"Oh, God, Rae, I don't know what to say. I was worried sick for you, and when you were arrested the attacks stopped. What was I supposed to think?"

"That you knew me better than that." 

"Maybe it was because I knew you so well, that I thought you might have done it."

"I don't understand that." Rae looked straight at her partner, and she could see that he was working out what to say next.

"Rae, I love you, you know that, and I would lay my life on the line for you, and I know that you would do the same for me. But I have seen you under the most incredible pressure over the last two years or so… and then suddenly I was watching my father being wheeled into the OR for the second time… thinking that he would never come out again.  I'm a cop Rae; I put the facts together to get answers. You were the answer I came up with. I had to put the personal aside, and just go with the factual… Rae, I'm sorry."

Rae sat quietly, and Steve could see her clenching and unclenching her right fist, and he knew that she wanted to run her hands through her hair, and was unable to do so.  He realised that he could no longer bear the silence and so he spoke again. 

"Rae, I'm sorry."

This time Rae smiled, "Then I forgive you."

"That's it, you forgive me?"

"Yes, that's it. And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been so angry with you for suspecting me. Steve, I love you too, you know that. We've had a wild ride since we got together, I hope one day it can continue."

Steve shook his head. She never ceased to amaze him. "Why is it that yesterday you were ready to swing for me, and now all is fine again?"

"Because you dropped the personal and went with the factual, that I can live with. Steve, the evidence against me was overwhelming, I knew that, and if I hadn't, well, Cheryl arrested me, and she's a good cop, but you, you're my partner, I just couldn't believe you could ever suspect me of those crimes, not until just now, when you told me you were following the facts. "

Steve moved over and dropped down in front of his partner. "One day I will work you out, Reagan Susan Yeager, one day."

"And then life will be really boring."

Steve gently took Rae's shoulders in his hands and she leant into his chest. They hugged like that for a few minutes, and each knew that they were giving strength to the other once again.

Jesse had spent the morning shopping and he vowed that he would never do it again. Christmas shopping had always been a sore point for him, part of him just loved it, but another part hated it. This year he had really enjoyed buying things for Eliana, and for Rae, but then he had headed for the supermarket to get the food and drinks that they would need and he felt as if his head was going to explode.

He had taken everything home before going back to Jo's and now there were presents hidden all over the house. Jesse smiled, he guessed he had spent a bit more than he had planned, but there were so many things that you could buy for a nine month old baby, or an almost nine month old baby, and he had gotten a little carried away. Jesse found himself whistling a Christmas carol that he had heard at the mall as he locked up the house and headed over to get Rae and Eliana.

Rae pulled back from Steve, they hadn't spoken for a while, and all of a sudden Rae felt herself begin to panic slightly. "Eliana, I need to have her back in the room, Steve, I know it's silly, but I just do."

"Honey, it's not silly at all, let's go find her together shall we?" Steve smiled at his partner, and then before he stood up he leant over her again and kissed her hair. "Thank you, Rae."

"For what?"

"For being fair minded, for listening to me, in the end." 

"I need you in my life, and when I stopped being sorry for myself and started to see things as others saw them I knew that I had a lot to be thankful for, and you got my little girl back for me Steve, I will never ever be able to thank you enough for that."

"You don't have to. Every time I see her, I get thanked all over again.  Come on, I'm missing her now, too."

Steve stood up, moved round and carefully pushed her out into the hallway. There was no one around, and even though she knew it was silly Rae's heart began to pound. "Texas, where are you?" There was still no answer, and Rae began to get really worried. "Steve, where is she? I need her back now."

"Honey, she can't have gone far, she will just be playing with her Aunty Jo someplace, we'll find her."

As they moved down towards the living room Rae heard the unmistakable sound of her daughter laughing, and she let out a deep sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God." Steve pushed Rae in through the doors, and then out onto the patio. In the garden Jo and Eliana were seated looking at the birds who were eating the peanuts Jo had put in a bird feeder hanging down from a tree that in spring was covered in pink blossom. Steve looked at the two of them together and smiled, Eliana had her snowsuit and boots on that he had gotten her, and Jo was obviously just enjoying spending time with the little girl. He could see from where he stood that her eyes had life in them again, and he was confident that he would be able to keep her from retreating again, hopefully for a long time.

"Hey, Sweetie, Mummy was a little worried, we have to be ready for Daddy, he will be here soon." Jo came over to where Steve had parked Rae. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, but I didn't know how long you were going to be an' Eliana was gettin' a little fretful."

Rae smiled as she watched her daughter in her best friend's arms. "I know, and I knew really that she would be fine, but … but it's hard not to be able to see her all the time, now I know she's here again. I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"

"Honey, it's not a situation anyone should have to explain, an' I know just what you mean. Come on let's go an' get ready for Jesse then." Jo pulled down a little on the hat that Eliana had already taken off twice since she had been outside.

"She looks beautiful doesn't she? I can't believe that Jesse managed to buy everything to match like he did. Guess I underestimated him." 

Steve looked on in stunned silence. Jesse knew that the outfit had been from him, he didn't know why he was trying to cut him out of his life, but ever since Eliana had been home things had changed. He needed to speak to him because he wanted his friend back. As Steve debated whether or not to mention to Rae about the snowsuit they heard a car horn and Rae's face broke into a smile.

"Ok, I guess that's Daddy being too lazy to come to the door." 

Jesse sat in the car and waited for Rae to come out to him. He knew that if he went into the house he would have to face Steve, and he wasn't ready to do that right now. As he saw the front door open Jesse got out and walked round to the trunk and opened it. Then he smiled as Michael pushed the chair out towards him. 

Steve watched Jesse undo the reins that held his goddaughter into Rae's chair, take Eliana from Rae and put her in her car seat, then he saw him gently help his wife out of her wheelchair and into the car. Steve walked over to help by folding up Rae's chair but Jesse's body language spoke volumes and he backed off.

Rae sat quietly, and waited for Jesse to help swing her round so she was facing the right way. As she sat she saw Steve move closer to them, and then watched as Jesse effectively blocked his path. Rae could see the hurt and confusion in her partner's eyes, and then he moved away. His shoulders dropped and Rae knew that even though they might have solved their problems he was still hurting, a lot.

"Steve." Rae called. She could tell just by looking at Jesse, that something was wrong, and had no intention of interfering, but the pain that emanated from Steve was too much for her, and she knew she had to speak with him before she left.

"Yes, Rae, what is it?" Steve's voice was soft, and sad.

"Honey, are you alright? What's the matter?"

"I don't know, Rae, I wish I did, because then maybe I could solve it, make it better." Steve stopped talking. He could feel a lump forming in his throat, and he had no intention of letting Jesse see how this enforced silence was affecting him.

Rae had another problem, and she needed to ask him something. "Steve, I have my date to appear in court, Monday 23rd, you will come, won't you? Please."

Steve looked round for a moment, "I don't know that I would be very welcome, Rae."

"I need you to be there, Steve, what if the judge changes her mind, what if she doesn't think that there is enough evidence to drop the case… I just need you there, please."

Steve saw Jesse go round and get into his side of the car, and he knew that Rae would soon be gone. "Honey, there is no way that is gonna happen, but yes, I will be there, ok?" He leant forward and kissed Rae gently on the cheek, keeping his eyes open so that he could look directly at his friend, but Jesse refused to make eye contact with him, and started the engine up without a word. "I'll see you then, and Rae… thank you for bringing Jo back to me."

"I think that you really ought to thank your goddaughter, but I'll take all the praise I can get. Bye, Steve."

Steve stood up and closed Rae's door. He waved his hand in the direction of the disappearing car and, trying not to let his feelings show, headed back to the house.

Rae was quiet for the entire journey home, and then she sat and watched as Jesse carefully took their now sleeping child back into the house. It was coming up to half past two in the afternoon, and Rae realised that she too could do with a nap. She hadn't said anything while she had been talking with Jo and then Steve, but the physical therapy had taken its toll on her, and she was aware of every muscle she had in each leg.

Jesse was only gone for a few moments, just the amount of time it took him to unzip Eliana from her suit and place her in her crib. Then he returned to the car. He hated having to leave Rae while he dealt with his daughter, but if he did it the other way round then Eliana would be left outside unattended and that was unthinkable.  He unfolded the chair and pushed it round to Rae's side of the car. He could see that she was deep in thought, and he gently tapped on the glass before opening the door so that he didn't frighten her.

"Jesse, do you think you could just wheel me straight into the bedroom, I need a nap just as much as Ana does." Since Jesse had said that he didn't mind her calling their daughter by the shortened version of her name she hardly ever called her anything else. Jesse smiled, he still hated it, but now wasn't the time to mention it.

"Ok, I guess you've had a busy day. Want me to wake you up in time for tea?"

"Tea? You'll be popping to the shops, putting the rubbish out, and pushing a pram along the pavement before long." Rae smiled at Jesse, and wanted to pull him closer to her so that she could kiss him like they used to. "That would be nice, but dinner is fine." 

Rae waited until Jesse had got her positioned on the bed, her backrest behind her before she spoke again. "Jesse, Eliana is asleep, can you lie with me for a little while, I need to speak with you?"

Jesse looked at her, she seemed relaxed and at peace with herself, maybe she was worried about her court case. He had heard Steve talking about it with her earlier. "Ok, but if you fall asleep I will leave you? I have other things that I have to do." Jesse walked round and sat on the bed next to his wife. He leant against the wall, and realised that he could see straight over Rae's head. He began to squirm and shuffle himself around to get comfortable, not looking at Rae as he did so.

"Jesse! For heavens sake will you sit still, you are driving me nuts!" Rae knew that she shouldn't yell, but her temper was on the rise, and she was having trouble controlling it.

"Ok, I'm comfy. Sorry. Now what did you want to say?"

"Jess, what is up with you and Steve?" Rae carefully turned her head so that she could see Jesse's face, but realised that she would have to move all of herself to see him properly. She tried to push on her hands to shift position, but the flame of pain that shot through her left her gasping for breath.

"Honey, what are you doing? Oh, God, Rae." Jesse could hear the trouble she was having as she gathered herself together, and knowing that she was already in pain but needing to help comfort her he took her into his arms. "It's ok, I have you. Don't worry about Steve and me right now, let me lie you down, and you can sleep, he's my best friend, Rae, we are fine, ok?"

Rae couldn't speak, the pain she had caused wasn't receding, and she knew that complete rest was the only thing that was going to help. The tears sprang to her eyes, they weren't selfish tears, or tears of anger and frustration, but tears of pain and desperation, she wasn't sure just how long she could cope with the agony that almost every move resulted in.

Rae had finally drifted off to sleep and Jesse went out of the bedroom, once he had checked on his daughter he sat in the living room and looked out at the winter afternoon sun on his garden. Everywhere he looked something was happening that he had no control over, he hadn't told Rae yet, but he had to work the weekend, Wil had arranged for there to be cover for him until then, and for the Christmas week. But after that life would have to start getting back to normal or he was going to lose his job. He'd had more time off since he had met Rae than in his whole life, and, he guessed, people were starting to get a little fed up with it. With a sigh he moved across the room and picked up the phone.

Amanda heard the phone ringing in the kitchen and hurried to pick it up. "Doctor Bentley … Oh hi, Jesse… No, that's not a problem, I haven't see her in ages, and it will be nice to have a baby in the house."

Jesse breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that at least one of his problems had a simple solution. "Amanda, I will drop them both off and if you don't mind, maybe I could stay the night too… Amanda?"

"Hold on Jesse. Boys… BOYS! Will you turn that down? Jesse, I am sorry, they didn't have much homework tonight, and the computer is on way too loud."

"That's ok, Amanda, you're sure this is all right with you? I don't know how Rae will feel about me working, it'll be the first time since she got out of the hospital, but I need to get back to the ER. I'll be off when she goes to court, and for Christmas, and then we are gonna have to make some more permanent arrangements."

"Jesse, stop worrying, you know the boys will love to have her and Eliana here, you just try to get your life back into some sort of routine, and we will deal with the rest."

"Amanda, thank you. I'll see you then, bye." Jesse put the phone down and breathed a sigh of relief. At least the arrangements had been made, he would wait to tell Rae, he knew that she was hurting from when he had been sitting with her, and he wanted to let her sleep as long as he could.

By the time Friday evening came Jesse still hadn't told Rae that he was working the weekend or the plans he had made for her. He knew that he had to because she would need to prepare herself for him not being there. Jesse had been watching her with doctor's eyes over the past few days, and he knew just how much she was suffering. Every movement was causing her pain, and he was amazed that she was still keeping a cheerful front, and a smile on her face. 

Rae hadn't wanted to travel very far since her time at Jo's so they had spent the last three days quietly together. It was probably the best thing they could have done. All of them were feeling very fragile right now, and although Jesse knew that Jo had been much better since Rae had visited with her, she wasn't up to having visitors for a whole weekend, and Mark was still recuperating. In fact the last time he had called to speak with him, Mark had been in bed, and Jo said that he was running a slight fever. Wil had called to see him, and although they were sure it was just a winter cold, Steve had said no visitors until Christmas Eve Day.

That suited Jesse fine, by then he might have worked out what to say to his best friend to get him back into his life. Whenever he looked at his little girl he could see the hurt in Steve's eyes caused by his insensitivity during her absence. He had been a jerk, but at the time nothing had mattered except keeping Rae alive and getting his daughter back. He still felt that Steve had kept him in the dark for way to long, he hadn't told him any of the things that had been done to get Eliana back. Until he had spoken to him in the hallway Steve had said nothing of all the posters everywhere, or the television newscasts. But if Steve had reacted quicker and got the hospital cordoned off immediately he was sure that woman would never have had the chance to get all the way to Fresno.

Jesse went out into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Eliana was in bed, Rae was in the bath and he was in a mood. Rae was spending a long time in the bath. Once she was in there, nothing seemed to ache quite so much, and she found that it helped her to relax, so she had taken to having a bath at about eight thirty every night, staying in there for about an hour and then going straight to bed. The hot dog that Alex had gotten her when she had been in the hospital, after being snatched by Levington, had proved to be a godsend. The little lavender pouch inside its tummy could be heated up in the microwave, and the dog itself was so soft that Rae could drape it round her shoulders without any pain, and the heat and the effect of the lavender sent her quickly off to sleep each night.

Jesse on the other hand had spent the last three nights watching the time on the ceiling, feeling as if life was passing him by and there was nothing he could do to grab hold of it and slow it down some. As he sat there he heard Rae call his name and he moved off the chair and down towards the bathroom. She was sitting in the bath, and once again he realised just how thin she had become. 

"Are you ready to get out?"

"Oh yeah, I am getting all prune like and wrinkly now, so before I turn into my mother I think I will go to bed."

Jesse smiled. He had been waiting, ever since she had gotten out of the hospital, for her mood to change, and some of the despair and depression he had seen before reach the surface, but it hadn't happened yet. In fact he was the one wrestling with his emotions not Rae, who just seemed so delighted to have her daughter and her life back that everything else even her constant pain was taking second place.

He started to help her out of the bath, it was a procedure they now had down to a fine art. The bathroom was warm, and Jesse would let the water out, wrap hot towels round her, and then the seat that had been fitted to the bath would be raised and Rae could be safely returned to dry land. Jesse had been aware of a smell of oranges when he had entered the room. Rae had been trying all sorts of different essential oils, and although her favourite was still lavender, tonight it had been mandarin, and now she smelt like a fruit salad.

Since her second session of physical therapy Rae had been told that she had to stand up as much as she could bear, and so she tried to step away from the special chair so that Jesse could dry her off more easily.

Once Jesse had got Rae into bed he sat beside her and looked into her eyes. The love and laughter were returning to them, especially after she had her bath, and he found that once again they were deep, dark and beautiful. "Honey, I have to work tomorrow."

"Jesse, no, I can't look after Eliana on my own, what will I do?"

"I have to work Sunday too."

Her eyes were panic stricken now, and Jesse felt instantly so guilty that he just wanted to hug her tight.

"Ah, I have the solution too, but I don't know if you will like it."

"What? What won't I like?"

"Well, I have arranged for you to go stay at a friend of mine's house. She said she would look after Eliana and you for the weekend."

"No, Jesse, I can't go to anybody I don't know. Look at me, I'm a … Who do you know that I don't?" Rae looked into Jesse's eyes, and knew that she was being had. 

"Her name is Amanda Bentley, and she is just dying to meet you."

"Oh, ha ha. I would be just rolling round the floor if I was able." Rae smiled then, and stuck her tongue out. "But I'll admit, you got me." Rae began to think and she slowly leant a little closer to Jesse. "You know I can't remember the last time I got to spend time with Amanda, just to talk and enjoy her company, thank you Jesse, it will be nice to go see her."

Jesse leant forward then and began to kiss her and Rae moved slightly so that she was positioned a little more comfortably. "Oh, God, Jesse, I want you so much, I wish I hadn't pushed you away before."

"Rae, I want you too, but I don't want to hurt you, I think we have to wait, just a while longer."

"Touch me Jess, let me feel your hands on my body, I never understood how someone could ache for a touch, but right now I do. Ahhh." Rae stopped talking as she felt Jesse's hands move underneath her nightclothes and begin to caress her. He moved so that he was next to her on the bed, and then he gently ran his fingers lightly across her breasts and down her body. For a few moments she felt so wonderfully relaxed and complete, but then the frustration and futility of it overtook her. "Stop it, Jesse, I'm sorry, just stop it."

"Rae?"

"I shouldn't have asked you to do that, I'm sorry." Rae had been feeling bright and positive since she had come home, so much so that she had been able to make the pain almost a separate part of her, and she'd been determined not to let it drag her spirit down. But now her inability to enjoy what Jesse was doing, and to respond made her suddenly realise just how limited her life had become. Suddenly she just needed to be completely alone.  "I think you should sleep in the spare room tonight, Jesse."

"No, Rae, please. Honey, don't shut me out again. Rae, I love you, if all I get to do is kiss your hand for the rest of our married life, then I will accept that. I thought I had lost you and Eliana, and now both of you are here again I will take family life in any shape or form so that we can stay together."

"But Jesse, I wanted you to make love to me, and I could feel that you did too, and I couldn't do it. You could touch me, and caress me and do all the wonderful things that just make me feel so fantastic, and I can do nothing in return, I can't even lean over now and take your hand, or kiss you or do to you what I know you like me to do."

"But you will, one day you will be able to do all those things, and when you can, I will still be here waiting, a little frustrated maybe, but waiting all the same."

Rae smiled. "Thank you, Sweetheart. I changed my mind, I think you should sleep here, and if we are careful, I could cuddle up, couldn't I?"

"Well, I guess, if you are really nice to me."

Jesse tried to talk to her when he was in front of her face so that she could look at him, and now she knew that he was once again joking with her. She smiled at him and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Then she watched as he made himself comfortable on the bed, moved her backrest and then with his arm around the middle of her back gently pulled her towards him. "I love you Jess, you do know that, don't you?"

"Oh yeah, I know that." Jesse smiled to himself. He was very unsure of a lot of things these days, but not that, never that.


	36. 36 Night Terrors

**Night Terrors **

Jesse pulled up outside Amanda's house just after nine and saw CJ and Dion looking out of the window in what he knew was the living room. As he shut his car door the front door opened and Ron and Amanda came out with the two boys running in front of them. Jesse could see that there were Christmas lights decorating the outside of the house, and a Santa in each of the bedroom windows upstairs.

"Uncle Jesse, Uncle Jesse, come and play on the computer with us, I have a new game, it's an Action Fist one!" Dion was almost bouncing up and down as he spoke.

"I have to go to work, but I will be here tonight, we can play a game then, ok?" Jesse smiled at the young boy in front of him; he loved him very much, and was looking forward to spending some time with him.

Jesse opened the trunk of his car and took the wheelchair out. He began to open it up until he saw Ron move over towards him. "I can carry Rae in, if she won't mind, then she can sit on the sofa."

"Ok, she doesn't have to sit in this, as long as the sofa isn't as saggy as the one in the doctor's lounge, which puts most people into traction after ten minutes or so."

Ron opened Rae's door and crouched down. "Hey, can I take you in?"

Rae smiled at him. She was feeling very nervous, and she realised that a large part of her confidence since she had been discharged from the hospital had been due to the fact that she was at home, where she felt safe.   "Ok, thank you." Rae felt herself tense up, and she concentrated on making her body relax a little. Ron's right arm slid underneath her legs, and then she felt his left arm as it was pushed gently behind her before he clasped a hand carefully round her upper arm. Taking a deep breath she waited for him to lift her up. She felt the air rush past her as Ron took a step backwards and then straightened up. "Whoah, oh, that was a bit fast." Rae leant into Ron's shoulder for a moment as she tried to get her bearings.

"Rae, are you ok? Do you want me to put you down?" Ron looked at the top of Rae's head, and then over at Jesse who was hovering in a concerned manner, his daughter's carry seat in his hands.

"No, just take me inside, I'll be fine. I trust you." Rae sounded a little muffled, but she seemed a bit steadier.

Ron went straight to the living room and as gently as he could he placed Rae on the sofa. She leant back into the cushions and closed her eyes. She had lost all her colour when Ron had stood up, but now it was returning, and gradually she opened her eyes, and a laugh escaped her lips as she saw three worried adults, two concerned children, and her completely oblivious daughter in front of her. "I'm fine now guys, honestly. It was just a little bit high, a little bit fast. I'm used to Jesse picking me up, and Ron you are a lot taller than he is. I don't think there are many people I would let carry me like that, but I knew I would be safe with you."

Ron smiled; accepting the compliment Rae had just paid him. "Thank you, Rae."

Jesse placed Eliana's car seat on the carpet and moved across and knelt down in front of Rae. "Honey, I have to go to work, or Wil will be sending out a search party. I'll see you this evening, and if you need me for anything you just call me ok? I'll come back here."

"Jess I will be fine, I have a pathologist and an FBI agent to look after me, not to mention two Action Fist experts, what more could a girl want?" Rae smiled at him and waited for him to kiss her. Slowly his lips met hers, and for a moment or two they were aware of nothing else.

"Ewww, Uncle Jesse, that is so gross."

"Dion!" Amanda was horrified at her son, but then she saw Jesse turn shamefaced, and Rae laughing.

"My daughter would say the same thing, but trust me Dion, when you are older, this is quite nice."

The young man looked at her as if she was completely crazy, and then Jesse squeezed Dion's shoulder, and moved over towards Amanda and Ron.

"Thank you, both of you. I know you don't get much time together, and to let Rae be here too, well, I really appreciate it."

"Jesse, go to work, it is fine, she is fine, everything will be fine, now just go." Amanda was gently pushing him towards the front door, as she spoke. As he went to go through it, he turned slightly.

"Rae…"

"Go to work, Jesse." Rae's voice floated out, and with a sigh Jesse headed back to his very empty car and headed towards Community General.

When he arrived Jesse found a message for him in his pigeonhole asking him to meet with Doctor Collins at eleven. He went to the doctor's lounge and picked up the phone.

Amanda had just finished changing Eliana's diaper, after unsuccessfully trying to persuade Ron to do it, when the phone rang. She heard him answer it. "Bentley residence… Oh hi, Jesse, yeah, hold on."  Ron moved into the living room, the cordless phone in his hand. "Rae, it's Jesse."  Ron gave the phone to Rae and moved away. With a gasp of pain she slowly moved the receiver towards her ear, and Ron hearing her turned back towards her. He realised what she needed and a little embarrassed, held the phone to her ear. 

"Jesse, you haven't been gone half an hour. I am still all right." Rae was smiling, and Ron could tell that she was pleased that her husband had called her. As Rae went to speak again she heard the intercom call Jesse to the ER. "Honey, I guess you are needed. I'll see you later, ok?"

Jesse shrugged himself into his white coat and walked down the hallway towards the ER. The last time he had been here Eliana had been snatched, and he could almost hear her crying as she had squirmed in Sally's arms in front of that woman. That woman. Jesse stopped walking for a moment. She had been there in front of him, she had killed three people, attacked Jo and Mark and she had been standing there, at arms length from him, and he hadn't even realised it. For a second or two he had to try and clear his mind so that he could get himself back to where he was supposed to be right now.

As he turned the corner and saw the trauma suites, Shannon came out of one of the doors, and he was surprised to see her in uniform.

"Oh, hi Doctor Travis, how are you today?" She smiled at him, and seemed quite relaxed, and Jesse realised with a guilty pang that he hadn't even called to find out how Alex was since Rae had been discharged.

"Not too bad. I guess Alex must be on the mend if you are back to work."

"He is, and I need to eat, so I figured I had better get back to what I do best. He is out of bed most of the day now, and Wil, ah, Doctor Collins said that he is hopeful that he will be able to spend Christmas Day with Steve and Jo."

Jesse smiled and realised that Christmas Day was only four days away. He would have to get a few hours to himself if he was to get the tree decorated and the presents wrapped without Rae realising what was happening. The doors to the ER opened then and Santa was pushed in on a gurney. Jesse moved over to it and listened as the paramedic began to tell him how the man lying in front of him, with an extremely swollen foot had been happily handing out presents in front of a mall a half-mile away when one of his reindeer had moved the sleigh and run his foot over. Jesse shook his head and guided his seasonal friend into the first vacant trauma suite, and was pleased to see Shannon follow him in.

By the time Santa had been spirited away to x-ray it was ten past eleven and Jesse hurried to the doctor's lounge where he was delighted to see not only Wil but Alex too.

"Alex, I am so sorry I haven't been in touch, but, well, I just had other things on my mind. I haven't spoken to anyone except Rae, Mark and Jo."

"That's ok. How is she, Jess?" Alex looked at the doctor in front of him and he could see that he still had worries and concerns. They were showing in his eyes.

"She is doing surprisingly well. Her physical therapy on her knee is going well, and hopefully a week or two more and we can get rid of the wheelchair all together when we are in the house. I knew that it would be aggressive therapy, but she has been for about four sessions so far and she is way ahead of where I thought she would be." Jesse shook his head. The physical therapist had sent Rae home with a list of exercises to do that had involved a lot of pouting, and he knew that their electric and water bills were going to be real high because of the amount of baths she was taking.

"What about her shoulders and neck?" Alex was more concerned about them. He knew that her knee would right itself with work, but there was no guarantee of that happening with her other injury.

"She's started her therapy on that too, earlier than planned I might add, because the work on her knee is going so well.  She has to move her right arm as much as she can bear, and she will do the same with her head soon. The lady said that she didn't think that the injury would get any worse and Rae should be guided by the amount of pain that she has, but if she doesn't use her arm then the muscles will wither."

"What about the neck support?"

"Still there, and I know it troubles her. I see her when she doesn't think I'm looking and I can see panic in her eyes. But she is keeping it under control, and so I haven't mentioned it."

"And her left arm?" Alex was most concerned by the paralysis, from shoulder to wrist.

"She still can't move it at all. She can move her fingers, but apart from that nothing, and I have to say that way down there at the end of her arm, that doesn't really help her."

Alex smiled. "It's funny you should say that." He looked across at Wil and the other doctor smiled as well.

"What?"

"We have been looking into the treatment of brachial plexus injuries, and, well, there is no hard and fast way to deal with them. Rae is lucky to be getting physical therapy so soon, a lot of patients are just left to suffer the pain and get on with life. I think I told you that Alex had some ideas as to how to help Rae, and this is what he came up with." Wil held up a peachy coloured, brace type contraption and Jesse just stared at it.

"Ok, this is my idea." Alex felt himself blushing as he began to explain. "Before I was injured I was trying to work out how Rae would cope with having an arm that didn't work. I tried all sorts of things. Getting dressed, making the bed… you are gonna have to do that, it's impossible… making breakfast, that sort of thing, and I found that if I had my left arm bent up I would use the hand much better than if it was swinging in the breeze. So I designed this. If you put your left arm out Jess, I'll show you what it does."

Jesse stood up and moved closer to Alex's wheelchair. He took his white coat off and watched as carefully Alex positioned his arm in the brace and then did it up with the Velcro straps. Jesse now had his arm in the same position as if it was in a sling, but because there was a metal strip about two inches wide running all the way along the elasticated material, which was bent at the elbow, it took no effort on his part to keep his arm bent. "Wow, this is great, it will make things so much easier for her. She might even be able to feed herself. Alex, thank you, for this, and for caring enough to get it made for her."

Alex smiled, "There is a strap which will go round Rae's body and through the brace to stop her arm moving away from her, but we didn't think you needed to put that on. I wanted to show her myself, but I guess that isn't possible, so if you could take it home with you, I know you will be able to explain it all to her." 

"I think that you really ought to be getting back to your room, Alex. This is the most you have done since your accident." Wil stood up and moved across to where the young doctor was sitting.

"Yeah, I could quite easily fall asleep right now, so I won't argue. Jesse, give Rae my love, and Eliana too. She's all right now isn't she? Only I haven't seen her, and, well, I know she was ill."

"Alex, she's fine, as soon as you are feeling better, she can come see you."

"Tomorrow would be nice." Alex smiled hopefully.

"Ok, I'll check with your doctor." Jesse smiled at Wil, and then watched as the young man was wheeled out of the room. Jesse headed back down towards the ER, and realised that he was enjoying his day.

Rae smiled at CJ and Dion as they finished their lunch. Amanda had called Jo once she knew that Rae was coming and the grapefruit halves and kebab skewers were once again in evidence. Rae had eaten sausages and chicken nuggets, followed by a fruit salad without the cream and was feeling quite satisfied with herself as she looked at the almost empty grapefruit. First of all the slight bending movement she had to do to get each mouthful had hurt, but she had been pleased to realise that the more she moved in the same way, the easier it got. It still hurt, but she was sure that it wasn't quite as painful as it had been. 

"Aunty Rae, you didn't do the same thing as Uncle Steve, did you?"  CJ looked across at Rae as she took the last piece of strawberry into her mouth. 

Rae chewed and swallowed and then she looked at the little boy. "Didn't do what the same as Uncle Steve, Sweetie?"

"Your hands. You don't use your arms or your hands. But you don't have casts like Uncle Steve? You don't have things we could paint like we did for Uncle Steve."

"No, look I can move my left hand. Rae had her arm resting on the table, and she flexed her fingers. I can move my right arm and hand, but it hurts, a lot, to do so. Uncle Steve had broken bones in his hands, I haven't broken anything, just hurt them badly."

"Oh. So that is why Mommy made you that strange lunch." CJ looked over at his mother and then leant in towards Rae. "I had a piece of sausage, it was fun eating off the sticks."

"I wondered why I had an empty one. It is fun I enjoyed it. I don't like to have someone feed me." Rae grinned and flexed the fingers on her left hand. She was enjoying the company, but she had worked hard at her physical therapy session the day before, and most of her body ached.

"Rae, Honey, would you like to go and lie down for a little while? We can look after Eliana, and we will wake you up in about an hour or so."

"Thank you, Amanda, that would be nice." Rae slowly stood up. She hadn't done any exercise all day and so she thought that she would walk to the bedroom. Instantly Dion was at her side and he quietly took hold of her arm. 

"I'll help you, Aunty Rae. I can walk real slow." Rae began her unhurried journey to the bedroom, Dion shadowing her every step, and somehow the presence of the kind and gentle child by her side made her feel a whole lot better.

Rae slept for just over an hour and a half and then she had woken up and lain in the bed listening to the sounds of the household. She could hear CJ and Dion trying to be quiet in their room, and not really succeeding, then she heard Amanda and Ron giggling about something, and she smiled. She was very fond of Amanda and she could always tell when Ron was in town because her friend seemed to glow. As she lay there she also heard her little girl, chuntering away to herself, mamama- and dadada-ing in her happy chatty way.

Rae wasn't sure how long she had been lying there awake before there was a soft knock on the bedroom door. She couldn't get out of bed on her own, and she had known that she would need to lie there until someone came and helped her up. 

"Come in." Rae felt the collar around her neck as she spoke, and, as she had to do most of the time, she forced the terror she felt back down inside her.

"Rae, are you awake?" Amanda put her head round the door, and saw her friend looking at her. "Ok, stupid question, can I come in?"

"Of course." Rae lay there and looked at her friend. "Thank you, Amanda, for letting me come here… How am I going to cope when Jesse has to go back to work? I know that Eliana can go to Sally, but if I am home I don't want her to have to do that." Rae shut her eyes. She hadn't shown any of her feelings to her friends, and she didn't think she ought to start now.

"Rae, open your eyes and look at me." Amanda placed her hand over Rae's and waited. Slowly Rae did as she was asked, and Amanda could see that there were a lot of feelings hidden there. "You will cope, gradually, with the level of disability you have. Look at you now. You have a serious knee injury that you are working hard to reverse. Your right arm hurts every time you move any muscle in it, and your left arm doesn't move at all. As for your neck…" Amanda saw Rae swallow hard and shut her eyes again. "As for your neck, well, I can't even begin to understand how you can stand that brace round it, but you are coping." Amanda stopped talking for a moment as she watched the reactions of her friend. "Rae, things are gonna get better not worse, so you will survive just fine."

"You really think so?"

"Honey, I know so. Reagan Yeager is no quitter. How about this time next year I remind you of our conversation, and then you can chase me round the house, and the first person to reach my tree gets the box of chocolates which is always under it?"

"Lady, you have yourself a deal." Rae smiled and very carefully moved her right hand so that she was holding Amanda's, then she moved both hands over and underneath her left hand. Once Amanda's hand was sandwiched between her two she gently squeezed. "Thank you."

"Any time my friend, any time. Now it is almost four o'clock, and Jesse finishes at five so I guess you should freshen up, and then I can help you back down to the living room. I would imagine that going down stairs is way harder than coming up them."

"I have no idea, I live in a bungalow, remember."

"Well, you had a great guide on the way up, I'm glad you didn't trip though, that might have worried him. There is a bathroom through that door, I'll be across the hall when you are done." Amanda smiled at her friend and then went to stand up.

"I can't actually freshen up on my own. I'm sorry." 

"No, it's my fault I should have realised. You want me to help you?" 

"Yes please." The two friends headed towards the bathroom once Amanda had helped Rae to her feet, and she once again she realised just how limited her life had become.

Jesse finished his shift and headed towards Amanda's house. The traffic was horrendous, and as he sat in the same stationary queue that he had been in for the last half hour he tried to figure out how he was going to get the house decorated with all the Christmas items he had bought without Rae noticing.

Finally he drew up outside Amanda's house and was delighted to see CJ and Dion come running out to meet him.

Jesse waited until after everybody had eaten their dinner before he went and got Alex's brace out of his bag. "Rae, Honey, Alex gave me this, he thought it might help you to use your left arm."

"Jesse, my left arm is paralysed, how can anything help me with that?" Rae's tone was short and sharp and Jesse looked over at her.

"Rae, are you ok?" 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I'm just feeling a little out of sorts." Rae wouldn't make eye contact with Jesse, and he resolved to stay close to her for the rest of the evening.

"It's ok. This is for your left arm, so that you can use your hand. If you put your arm out in front of you a little way I can put it on." Jesse wasn't thinking as he spoke, and he wasn't looking at Rae.

"Jesse, my arm is paralysed. If you don't lift it up it will stay where it is."  Rae shut her eyes for a moment, she was feeling very unsure of herself, and just wanted to go home.

"Sorry, let me do it for you. It's designed to go under your clothes, but just for now I'll put it over the top. There is also a belt like part which stops your arm from moving away from your body." Jesse gently took hold of Rae's left hand and moved her lower arm up so that she was ready for the brace. Rae smiled at him, as she felt his tender touch she felt a little better again.

"Thank you, Jess." Rae watched as the brace was fitted round her arm and then when Jesse let go it stayed where it was. Her arm was across her chest, and she could see that with it in its new position it would make things a little easier for her.

"When you see Alex tomorrow, would you thank him for me? Amanda, Ron, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to get Jesse to run me home, I will come back in the morning, but I just want to sleep in my own bed."

"Rae, I have to start early in the morning, I will be leaving here before anybody else is up, it would be much easier if we stay." Jesse looked at his wife, and he could see that something had changed with her. She had been confident and positive, but now, well now he wasn't so sure.

"Can I just go to bed here, now then?" Rae watched as Amanda nodded, and once again as she stood up she felt Dion at her elbow. This time though, because her arm was bent he placed his hand underneath it and began to gently guide her towards the stairs. They walked slowly up together, and Rae was able to get to the top a little quicker than she had the last time. Once they had arrived at the room Rae and Jesse would share Rae sat on the bed, and then with her left hand she took hold of Dion's arm. "Sweetie, thank you, I really appreciate your help, I know you think it's yucky, but can I give you a goodnight kiss?"

Dion pulled a face, but he leant forward and Rae was pleased to see that once she had kissed him he didn't wipe it off immediately. The little boy left the room and Rae let out a long sigh as she began to slowly undo the buttons on her shirt trying to ignore the pain she felt at lifting her right arm so high. Since she had started the physical therapy on her arm she had tried to undress herself if at all possible and she had found that the silky blue shirt she was wearing slid off her shoulders once she had undone the buttons. This time though, the brace was in the way, and once Rae had undone the buttons she was effectively stuck with no real way to release the support. Slowly Rae stood up. The pain that went through her knees as she put her weight on them almost made her stay where she was, but she persevered and gradually moved over towards the door. To her delight her left hand was now in the right position for her to pull carefully on the handle and once there was a small gap she began to call out.

"Jesse, Jesse, can you come here a minute?" Rae waited, and she heard him come running up the stairs.

Jesse had stayed downstairs, even though he had intended to take Rae up himself, because he hadn't wanted to hurt Dion's feelings. But as soon as he heard his name being called he was on his feet and taking the stairs two at a time.

Rae moved back from the door and then smiled at her husband. "Can you do this for me, I can't get the brace off?" Slowly Jesse helped her to get ready for bed, and then he moved back the covers and gently eased her in.

"Rae, something is wrong, can you tell me what it is?" Jesse was sitting on the side of the bed now, careful not to pull the bedclothes down over her still tender ribs.  He began to stroke her hair, and waited for her to reply to him.

"Not right now, I just want to sleep, Jesse, do you think that I could have the neck brace taken off, just while I am asleep?"

"Honey, you know you can't. Not until your therapist says so. And last time you asked her, Michelle said not yet, didn't she?"

"Yeah, I know." Rae's voice was getting sleepy and Jesse knew that she would be oblivious to the brace within a few minutes. He sat watching her until he was sure that she was fast asleep and then checking that she was covered up and not going to get cold he went back down to spend an Action Fist evening with CJ and Dion.

When Rae suddenly woke up it was pitch dark in the room, and she could feel Jesse asleep next to her. She tried to catch her breath, but the only sensation she was aware of was an almost overwhelming panic. Rae felt the tears that were waiting to fall, and she tried to push them back. So far since she had been home from the hospital she had been able to cope with everything that her injuries had entailed, she knew that the euphoria that she had felt plus the safety that living in her gated community gave her had been part of it; but having Jesse home all the time had definitely helped. But now the pain was so total that she couldn't shut her mind to it, she could feel the brace around her neck, and it made her dizzy and short of breath. On top of that was the realisation that she would be going to court on the Monday, and whatever anybody said she still wasn't convinced that she would be coming home again. 

"Oh, God, help me, I can't cope with all of this, not all at once." Rae hadn't even realised that she was talking aloud, but she heard Jesse moan next to her and turn over.

"Rae, what is it?" Jesse was awake instantly. He had heard panic and fear in his wife's voice and he knew that she needed him.

"Jesse, if you don't take this brace off I think I'm gonna go crazy. I just can't bear to have it there any more. Take it off, just …Take It… Off!" Rae was having trouble catching her breath, and Jesse turned the bedside light on and looked over at his wife. She was breathing very heavily, and he could see that she was very close to losing control completely.

"Rae, look at me, listen and look at me." Jesse could see that he was making no impression on his wife's panic, he couldn't take her by the shoulders and turn her towards him, because that would just cause her pain, so he knelt up on the bed next to her so that he could look her in the eyes. "Rae, breathe slowly, in and out, and I will take it off, but only for a moment, I have to put it back on."

"No, Jesse, I can't stand it any longer, take it off me, I have tried, really tried but I can't have it not any more." The tears began to fall now, and Rae took in gulps of air. As she did so her ribs complained, and she just wanted the whole world to go away. "Jesse, help me, help me please." She wasn't taking in enough oxygen to keep her conscious, and as Jesse watched, his wife moved away from him, her eyelids fluttered for a second, and then she was gone, into the part of her where the panic couldn't reach her, but where he could no longer reach her either.

Jesse sat there, waiting for Rae to come round. He knew that once she had lost consciousness her breathing would regulate itself, and after about a minute or two she began to stir and he took hold of her hand and waited for her to realise what had happened. He watched as the panic returned to her eyes, but he wasn't about to let her go for a second time, and so he gently placed a hand on either side of her face, and positioned himself so that she had no choice but to make eye contact with him.

"Rae, listen, don't say anything, think anything, do anything, just listen. I know you're scared. I don't know what suddenly made you give in to it tonight when it has been there all along, but we need to talk about it, now probably."

"Jesse, take this neck thing off me, I can't even think with it there, take it off, take it off, take it off."

Jesse could see that she was losing control again, and he pressed his hands a little more firmly against her face. "Rae, stop it. Just listen… LISTEN!" Jesse shouted, because he could see no change in Rae's expression. "I can't take the brace off… Rae listen, I know you're scared, Honey, I've been scared for you since you came home, because I knew this was going to happen, but you need it on."

"Jesse, I have so many emotions inside me, and I just need to get them out, but I can't, because the fear that this thing generates is the strongest emotion of all, and I know I am going to go mad if I can't spend a little time without it. Jesse please."

Jesse moved his hands from Rae's face, and slowly he undid the Velcro strap that was keeping the collar in place, then holding one hand underneath Rae's neck he slid a pillow beneath it. He felt Rae's whole body relax as the pressure was released from her throat. "Oh, Jesse, thank you. Thank you so much."

"Rae, what is the matter? You have been so strong, and now, all of a sudden you are falling to pieces." Jesse could see that now the cause of Rae's fear had been removed the other emotions that had been just underneath the surface were about to be released.

"I was home, you were home, I wasn't strong Jesse, I was just where I wanted to be, with the most important people in my life. It didn't matter that I couldn't do anything, or that I may never be able to do anything, because we were together, and we were safe. But look at me, I won't ever be able to work with Steve again…" Rae shut her eyes but the tears began to escape and run down her cheeks. "I can't walk properly, I can't move my arms, or turn my head, Jesse, every part of me has something wrong with it, and it is all my own fault."

"Rae, no, it isn't. None of what happened is your fault."

"Yes it is. Jesse, I went after Leticia Howard on my own. I knew that I shouldn't, but that little girl's diary and the way she looked just affected me so much, and I didn't think, I just headed back to that school, it seemed to be the logical thing to do. God, what a fool I was."

Jesse thought back to when they had first met. Rae had been working on a case where two young children had been killed, strangled, and it had been she who had worked out that their teacher was the person responsible. The little girl who had been killed had looked so like Rae's own daughter Mara that it had clouded her judgement for the whole case, and instead of telling Steve her suspicions she had confronted Leticia Howard on her own. The teacher had realised that her only obstacle to freedom was the British detective standing in front of her, and she had taken her silk scarf and strangled Rae with it. 

Jesse shuddered as he remembered rushing into the school only to find that Rae was lying unconscious and not breathing on the floor of the science lab. He'd had to perform a tracheotomy and that combined with the memory of her strangulation had been the beginning of Rae's throat problems.

"Rae, you can't say that all this is your fault." Jesse knew that his voice didn't sound convincing.

"Can't I? She strangled me, Levington touched me on the neck and I shot him. He recovered, found out about my fears and used them against me. Then Louise Willis was fooled by him, she killed three people, attacked Texas and Mark … she almost killed Alex and she took our baby." Rae stopped talking for a moment and then with a sigh began again. "If I had waited for Steve, Howard wouldn't have strangled me, and nothing that followed would have happened." Rae shut her eyes again, and Jesse realised that as far as his wife was concerned the conversation was over, but he couldn't leave it there, she needed to know that she had it all wrong.

"Rae, Honey, please open your eyes and look at me." Jesse waited, and finally, slowly, Rae did as she was asked. "Do you use instinct in your job?"

"What?" Rae looked at him; she was confused by his question.

"Do you use instinct in your job? I do, sometimes I just know that there is more to a patient's condition than the presenting symptoms show. But do you, do you use instinct in your job?"

Jesse had asked her three times now, and finally she began to understand. "Yeah, you have to. Sometimes you just know that you have stopped someone who really has something to hide, and isn't just one of the many who can't make eye contact with a cop, just because they are a cop. Things like that."

"Ok, and when you went and confronted Leticia Howard, you were acting on instinct, you just had to go and face her because of what she had done. What if you hadn't done that? What if you had waited until there was some proof, concrete evidence? She may have slipped away again, and be killing right now in another town in this state, or somewhere so far from here that no one would have any idea what she's capable of."

"But I should have called for back up … or realised how stupid I was being. I had only been working a fortnight, I made a mistake."

"No, you weren't mistaken, you were trying to right a terrible wrong. You were fighting for two children who couldn't fight for themselves anymore. Honey, I won't lie to you, I wish you hadn't done it, because I think your life would be way easier if she hadn't laid a finger on you, but I am just so proud of you, that you went in and tried to deal with the situation, that you cared so deeply, and wanted justice so badly that you ignored the danger to yourself and acted on behalf of Hana and Terry."

"Thank you." Rae smiled a small smile but it reached her eyes, and Jesse knew that, for tonight at least, the discussion was over and she would rest again, but he had a feeling that somewhere down the line they would have to deal with this in far greater detail.


	37. 37 Fears to Face

**Fears to Face**

Jesse had called Wil and asked if he could survive without him on Sunday, and then he had planned to take Rae and Eliana home after breakfast. Amanda had been concerned and, while Rae was carefully eating her breakfast by herself, she had cornered Jesse in the living room, where he was putting CJ, Dion, Ron's and her presents under the tree.

"Jesse, what is going on?" Amanda had checked on Eliana and the little girl was sitting in the middle of a pile of baby toys that the boys had found in a bag at the back of CJ's closet. She was happy and contented, and Amanda had a feeling that when she was taken away from all her goodies she would be very unhappy.

"What do you mean, what's going on? We are going home, that's all." Jesse didn't think that he wanted to talk things over with his friend, however much he loved and trusted her, he wasn't sure he understood his feelings himself yet.

"Jesse, I heard Rae last night, when she woke up. She was upset, in fact she sounded panic stricken at times, if there is anything I can do to help you know I want to."

"She's scared Amanda, scared of what her life is gonna be like with the disabilities she has right now. I don't think she can see beyond them, which is understandable, most people can't. But it's more than that, and some of the things that she said last night, well, I don't know whether I can talk about them yet." Jesse sighed. What he really wanted to do was go and see Steve and let him know what Rae had said, but he knew that right now that wasn't an option.

"Jesse, did you think that she has to go to court tomorrow? That maybe she is a little freaked out by that?" Amanda put her hand on his arm, and knew by his expression that he hadn't thought about it at all.

"No, why would she? They are gonna drop the charges. It's only because Gilbert and Rose Marie … whatever her name is … Moreau, I think, and the judge came to an arrangement that Rae is getting her day in court at all. She will walk free, there is no possibility of that not happening."

"Maybe, Jesse, but until I hear her say those words, _Case Dismissed,_ I won't believe it, ok?" Neither of them had heard Rae as she had moved slowly into the room, and Jesse immediately went over to help her. 

"Honey, let me…"

"I can do it, Jesse, just leave me alone." Rae had her neck collar back on, and her arm brace underneath her shirt, and her knee was also supported. She felt like one of the extras from a medical series that could be seen in the background bandaged up and walking just like she did. "Jesse, I'm sorry, I am just a little mixed up right now. Amanda, you have been so kind, but I just want to go home. Once I get tomorrow out of the way, can I come back and see you all then?"

"Oh, Honey, of course you can. All you have to do is pick up the phone and we will come get you."

"Well, with my new brace, I might just be able to do that." Rae smiled. The fact that she was going home made her feel more positive again. She began to turn to get her daughter when she heard Dion call out.

"Oh, Eliana, ewwww, baby spit!" He was holding up the controller to his Playstation and Rae could see that her little girl had given it the sucking treatment. It was shiny and dripping.

Amanda moved over, a laugh escaping her as she did so. She picked up a Kleenex, put the controller inside it and began drying it off. "Dion, I guess it just serves you right for leaving it where she could get it."

"But I didn't leave it where she could get it. She was with the baby toys, then the next thing I knew she was with me. I didn't know she could crawl."

"She can't." Jesse's face broke into a smile. "At least she couldn't." Jesse crouched down in front of his daughter and he began to talk. "Eliana, Honey, come to Daddy." His little girl let out a squeal of delight as she saw him down on her level, and she went from her sitting position into a crawl and suddenly she was on the move, heading for where Jesse was sitting, his grin almost as large as hers.

Rae and Jesse's departure was delayed after that, as first CJ, then Jesse, then Dion and then Jesse again had her crawl towards them. By the time the Travis's were finally ready to leave Eliana was so tired she fell asleep in her daddy's arms before they reached the car. Ron offered to carry Rae to the car, but to her relief the extra walking she had done while she had been staying with Amanda seemed to be easing her knee a little and so she declined.

"I have my daughter to keep up with now, I need all the practice I can get." Rae kissed the tall man on his cheek as he bent down towards her, and then felt his arms go round her in a hug. 

"I'll be there tomorrow for you, and I heard what you said, Rae, you will go home Monday afternoon, there really is no doubt about it."

"Thank you, Ron, I just hope you're right."

"You're not gonna be convinced until it's all over, are you?"

"No, I guess not, but I appreciate what you're saying." Rae realised that she could touch his hand with her own now that her arm was in its brace, and she squeezed it gently. Rae turned then and began her slow and still painful journey to the car.

Jesse realised that it was lunchtime as they drove home and so he pulled into the parking lot outside Barbeque Bob's and carefully helped Rae from the car. The brace she had on her knee made walking a little less painful, but it was slow, and so she began to walk towards the door before Jesse, knowing he would catch her up. Her right knee was still bruised and painful, but she could bend it and walking wasn't really a problem as far as it was concerned. The brace meant that she couldn't bend her left leg, but it did mean that she could move under her own steam for short journeys and she was determined to do that as often as she could. Jesse watched as Rae made her way stiff legged across the short distance from the car to Bob's and then he picked up Eliana's car seat and they too made their way to the restaurant.

As Rae moved towards the doorway for a moment the image of Mark lying in a pool of blood flashed through her mind, and she had to stop walking. Her heart was beating loudly and she couldn't catch her breath. Jesse came up beside her and touched her on the shoulder. Rae jumped out of her skin.

"Oh, don't do that!"

"Rae, Honey, are you all right?"

"Jess, I'm sorry, it's just that … I haven't been back here since Mark … well, you know."

"Rae, I didn't think, we can go someplace else for our lunch." Jesse was immediately concerned.

"No, no, I have to do this, otherwise it will become another obstacle to overcome, and I have way too many of them already. I didn't do it, I called the emergency services, I should have checked him over, but I just couldn't, I have to get over it." Rae shut her eyes for a moment and the vision of Mark cleared, then she carefully opened the door with her left hand and walked in.

Steve was serving a table in the corner as they entered, and didn't see them. Jo, who was sitting at the counter, an iced tea in front of her, had been persuaded by Steve to come out for a little while. He was only working a half shift himself because Mark was still in bed with his slight fever, but Michael was happy to stay with him. They were short staffed, but most of the other employees had been available to cover Jesse and Steve's shifts so that they could stay with their injured partners.

Rae's face broke into a huge grin as she saw Texas sitting just in front of her, and while Jesse moved over towards the back of the restaurant she made her way towards her friend.

"Rae, Honey, what are you doing here? I thought you were stayin' with Amanda this weekend. That's where you told me you were when we spoke on Saturday."

"I just wanted to go home. Jesse got today off, and somehow home was the place I needed to be."

"I can understand that. When I had … ah, my little problem before, all I wanted to do was head for Texas. You feel safe an' loved there, so that is where you need to be when you are vulnerable. Rae, I need to talk to you, do you have a minute?"

"Of course, but I really need to sit down." Rae could feel the pain in her knee getting worse, and she knew that if she didn't rest it soon all her good work would begin to be undone.

"Let's go sit at this table here. If we have a sudden rush of customers we can move out of the way." 

Rae was surprised that Texas didn't want to sit with Jesse and her goddaughter but she said nothing. As she gently lowered herself into the seat Jo began to talk to her. "Rae, what is going on with Steve an' Jesse? They have hardly said two words to each other since Eliana was found safe an' sound. I know that Steve is puzzled an' hurt by it, but you know how stubborn he can be, there is no way he is gonna be the first to mention it, an' Jesse, well look at him Rae, he could go an' tell Steve he's here, but he won't."

"Texas, I have no idea. I tried to ask him the other night, but I didn't find anything out. Has he thanked Steve for getting her back? I know they were together from when Jesse arrived in Fresno until they got back to LA, but he hasn't talked to me about it, not any of it. And well, I have so many things in my mind right now, I'm afraid I didn't push him."

"I don't know what happened, but I know that Steve is hurtin' an' well there is somethin' else. Rae, I don't want to make you mad at Jesse, or come between husband an' wife…"

"But, Texas, there is a but, what is it?" 

"The snowsuit, the hat, mittens and boots, the ones she had on when she came in just now."

"They're beautiful aren't they? Jesse had her in them when she came to take me home from the hospital. I told him how much I liked them, I didn't think they were quite his style, but then, I guess he has never been a daddy before …" Rae stopped talking as she realised just whose style they were, and she knew what Texas wanted to say. "No, oh no, Texas no, he didn't?"

"Honey, Steve bought the whole set for her, while he was in Fresno. He wanted her to have somethin' nice to come home in, an' it was much colder up there those days she was in the hospital an' I guess he just worried about her."

"How could he do that? How could he let me think that he had bought it all? And, oh my, I said that Jesse had bought it when I was at your house last week. I must have just hurt him so much."

"No, no you didn't, he knew you had no idea that it was he who had bought it, he wasn't hurt by you, but Jesse is pushin' this to the limit right now, an' if they don't talk, well, I think you an' I might have to meet in secret." Jo tried to make light of the situation, but Rae could see just how worried she was.

"Texas, I'm gonna get Jesse to have a take away, then we are gonna go home and have this out. I have to get tomorrow sorted, but once that is done, Steve and Jesse are going to talk, whether they like it or not." Rae got slowly to her feet and looked at her husband. He could tell from her gaze that he was in trouble, and then he saw who she had been talking to.

Rae moved closer to his table. "Jesse, turn our order into a takeout, we need to get home." Rae could see that Steve was aware of her, but she couldn't speak to him right now. She turned to Texas. "Tell him I will see him tomorrow. He can still come, can't he? He promised me, and I really need him there."

"Rae, he will be there. You go home, I'll explain to him." Texas kissed her friend on the cheek, and watched as she walked painfully and slowly towards the door. "Do you want me to help you back to your car? You seem to be walkin' much better than before but I can help if you would like."

"No I'm fine, Texas, you will be there too, tomorrow, won't you? You're my best friend, if it all goes wrong, I want to be able to say goodbye to you." Rae felt the familiar fear grab at her once again.

"I'll be there, but we will be comin' home together." Jo went to take Rae's arm, and realised that she had it bent up. "Honey, can you move your arm?"

"No, it's a brace that Alex made for me. It helps; in fact it helps a lot. After tomorrow I will go see him, and thank him for it… if I can."

"Detective Yeager, that is enough negative talk. You will walk free from that courthouse, without a stain on your character. Now, go home an' talk to that husband of yours, before they are exchangin' lawyers' letters."

Rae smiled at her friend, and then she realised that she hadn't told her the best news of the day. "Texas, I don't know if you want to tell Steve, or leave it as a surprise, but Ana can crawl. Really crawl, she moved across Amanda's carpet and gave the kiss of life to Dion's Playstation controller." By the time Rae had finished talking she and Texas were by Jesse's car.

"I don't think I'll tell him just yet. It will probably make him feel even more left out of her life than he already does, but thank you for sharin' that with me." Jo turned then as she heard Jesse coming out, Eliana in one hand and a bag of takeout in the other.

"Rae, you could have waited and taken the food." Jesse's voice was short, and Rae, her eyes raised to the heavens carefully but pointedly shook her head.

By the time Rae and Jesse had eaten their lunch, it was time for Rae to have a nap, and she slept until almost dinnertime. Eliana hadn't been tired, but had been content to play and Jesse had taken the chance to get his Christmas jobs done, and by the time Rae was waking up he was almost beside himself with the anticipation of her reaction. As he sat in the living room he began to hear movements from the bedroom, and then as usual her voice cut through the air. "I am awake." Jesse moved into the bedroom a grin on his face.

"Hi, Honey. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did. Where's Eliana? Only now she is on the move we will have to keep a serious eye on her."

"She is in her playpen. I figured that she will be spending quite a bit of time in there now." As Jesse spoke the sound of Old Macdonald floated through the air, as Eliana thumped the button that played musical sounds.

"You will get fed up with the music, I promise you that." Rae smiled at her husband, and then laughed as she heard her daughter shrieking with delight.

"Yeah, I know, but I just knew she would love it. Come on I'll help you into the living room, and you can watch her."

As Rae got to the door of her lounge her face lit up. "Oh, Jesse, how wonderful, it's just beautiful, thank you." In front of the patio doors was a huge Christmas tree. It was covered in tiny white lights, which were flashing and sparkling in a random pattern. There were also all sorts of tree decorations, and as Jesse and Rae moved closer to inspect it, Rae could see china figures of children, which had the date and 'Baby's First Christmas' printed on them. There were also some obviously hand made decorations, some by younger children, the others by older ones or maybe even an adult. "Where did you get these from?" Rae pointed with one finger from her left hand, which happened to be in line with some of the decorations.

"Tony brought them over with him, he gave them to me before he headed back to London. Mara made the snowman and the angel, Patrick made the stable and John, being John, made the car!"

They had stood, Jesse with his arm protectively around his wife, for a long time just looking at all the different things on the tree. Everything was new to Rae, the other Christmases she had been in LA had been spent at the beach house, and they hadn't even owned an angel before this Christmas. Gently Jesse ran a finger down Rae's face and then he leant over and kissed her. "There are presents under the tree too, you know."

"Oh, Jess, I don't have anything for you, or Eliana or … or anybody. Not my children in London, my mother, nobody. Maybe I could call Tony, he could get some presents for them couldn't he?"

"Rae, Honey, shhh. I have sent them all presents. I just went on the Internet and got them sent from there. All gift-wrapped, with tags, everything done for you. They won't know anything is any different from all the other Christmases they've had."

"Thank you. Where would I be without you?"  Rae had moved slowly over towards Tony's chair and as she did so saw Jesse pick up Eliana from the playpen and realised that she was fast asleep. He moved through with her into her nursery, and then came back. The little girl didn't make a sound. Jesse sat on the side of the chair and leant over his wife. Slowly he took the collar off her, and felt her breathe a sigh of relief. The lights from the Christmas tree gave the room a wonderful glow, and for a moment Jesse just stood and looked at the beautiful face of the woman he loved.

"Jesse?"

"Shhh, I've been thinking, I have got it planned in my mind. Rae, do you still want me?" Jesse wasn't sure, after the problems over night just how relaxed she was.

"Want you? Now? Yes, Jesse, oh yes." Rae watched as Jesse began to undo the buttons on the shirt she had on, and then she shivered as he gently pushed it off her shoulders. The reclining chair was comfortable and held her in a position where she could relax and just let Jesse run his hands over her body without it causing her any further pain. Soon all her clothes were on the carpet, and Jesse's had joined them, he knelt with one knee either side of her and then leant over her and began to kiss her. Rae felt his tongue as it went into her mouth, and she knew without a doubt that however much it hurt, this time she wanted him with every fibre of her being, and there was no way that she would be able to stop him. Their lovemaking was very gentle and slow. Rae had to take a passive role, but everything that Jesse did to her heightened her pleasure. When finally he moved so that he could enter her she was so close to an orgasm that the feel of him inside her was all she needed to take her over the edge.

Rae lay back on the chair a little while later and for the first time since her baby had been born she felt like a woman again. She looked up into the eyes of her husband, and she could see that they were filled with tears. "Jess?"

"Rae, I have been waiting to do that with you for it seems like forever, I love you so much."

"I know, and I love you." Rae slowly moved her right hand up and ran her fingers through his hair. Jesse shivered at her touch, just as she had done before they had finally managed to make love to each other. "I guess we ought to get dressed oughtn't we?"

"Yeah, I guess, but in a minute." Jesse gently ran his hands over her body once again, and left small kisses here and there and then he smiled and carefully moved himself away "They are just for you to keep, until next time." He kissed her tenderly at first and then passionately on the lips and with a sigh he began to help Rae back into her clothes.

Once Rae was settled back on Tony's chair, which she wasn't sure she would ever think about in quite the same way ever again, she looked over at Jesse. "Honey, that was wonderful, and I'm sorry to break the mood, but, we need to talk, no excuses, no nothing, I am really cross with you Jesse, and this needs sorting right now."

"What?" Jesse had no idea where her words had come from, and he looked as shocked as he felt.

"What is going on between you and Steve?"

Jesse turned away, and Rae knew that if he walked away from her she wouldn't be able to get him back. "Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do. Jesse, he's your best friend, you have hardly spoken to him since Eliana came home, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Jesse Travis, so help me, if you don't speak to me I'll … I'll … I'll get Steve over here right now and you can tell him what the matter is."

"Rae, no." Jesse looked horror struck. He still had no idea what to say to his best friend, and the thought of facing him was not a pleasant one. But maybe Rae would be able to help him. "We had a disagreement, at Community General, when Eliana was missing."

"When you accused him of not looking for her? You didn't apologise? Oh, Jesse." Rae didn't know what to say. She could remember the two friends arguing in the hallway when she had been in the hospital. She had been unable to talk, and she hadn't heard it all, but when Steve had come in to tell her about Eliana his eyes had held all his emotions, and she had known that he was hurting so much that he was almost at breaking point. Rae had thought that it was just because of his goddaughter, but now she knew that there was more to it.

"Ok, you are gonna tell me everything that went on, and then we are going to arrange to go see Steve." Rae's tone was firm, and Jesse knew that this time there was no getting away from it; he would have to face his mistakes.

Steve had ended up working all afternoon and evening, and had sent Jo home so that she didn't over do it. He knew that she was getting better, and that Rae had helped her a great deal, but he was still worried about her, and that morning he had spoken to his dad about it.

Mark had been sitting up in bed fighting with the Sunday paper when Steve had tapped on the door. "Dad, can I come in for a moment?"

"Sure, Son, if you promise to help me sort this out."

Steve had smiled and begun folding the paper back into some sort of recognisable shape. "I need to talk to you about Jo."

"What about her, she's still doing fine isn't she?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you. Dad, I don't know if she is behaving as she should. Whether she should have gone to the hospital, been prescribed something, or if she should see Brian, or whoever it is doing his job these days. She just seemed to snap out of it when Rae came, and apart from sleeping more and being a little quiet sometimes she seems fine again."

Mark had smiled then and Steve had felt reassured. "She's with you, Son. That's all the medication she needs. She just had to shut down for a while, but I think that you will find that the need for her to do that will reduce the longer you are together. Sure Rae and Eliana got her talking, but you're the one keeping her going, helping her back to her normal self again. You shouldn't underestimate the role you play in her life. Don't over protect her, give yourself a pat on the back and realise that you are doing her more good than any pills, therapist or vacation in the sun ever could. Ok?"

"Thanks Dad, sometimes I'm glad you're a doctor and not a cop."

"Only sometimes?"

Steve smiled at the memory, and was just getting the last of the tables wiped down ready to head for home when he heard the restaurant door open and to his surprise and pleasure he saw Jesse standing there.

"Hey, Jess, what brings you here?"

"You do. I came to speak with you." Jesse moved in and locked the door behind him. Steve watched him as he moved over, poured himself a soda and then sat at the counter.

"Rae says that I owe you an apology."

"Rae says? What about you Jesse? Do you think you owe me an apology?" Steve moved round behind the counter so that he could face his friend.

"Maybe, I was a bit out of line, but I was worried."

"Yes, I know you were, but so was I, and … and you thinking that I wasn't doing anything … well that hurt."

"Yeah, well the fact remains that if you had locked down the hospital quicker she wouldn't have gotten away."

"Jesse, Alex was bleeding, to death for all I knew, on the floor and Rae was gasping for air in her bed. I called through the details of Eliana's abduction and a brief description right away, but then you had to operate on Rae, and somehow for a moment that seemed more important."

"That, I could do on my own, I didn't need an audience. Finding my daughter and the woman who should have been in jail instead of Rae was just a little bit out of my league, Lieutenant!" Jesse was shouting now, and all the pent up anger and worry of the last few weeks came rushing to the surface. He had kept calm with Rae since she had been home, even when he had wanted to cry as he saw her suffer. He had faced the world's media, because someone had taken his daughter, when all he wanted to do was rush from house to house and search every room, and now he was being told that finding Eliana wasn't important.

"Well, I think you had your priorities wrong, she was missing for two days, she coded in the ambulance, and ended up on a ventilator. She has asthma and has to take medicine everywhere with her, and all because you didn't do your job properly!"

Steve let his hands fall to his sides. If he got anywhere near Jesse he knew that he would not be responsible for his actions and so he just walked over towards the door and unlocked it.

"I think that you had better go. I'll be in court tomorrow, Doctor Travis, I hope that will be acceptable, because I promised your wife I would be there, but right now, I don't give a damn what you think." Steve watched as Jesse walked through the open door and back out to his car, then he went back into the restaurant and grabbed a bottle of lite beer from behind the counter. He downed it in one go, and then he marched out into the kitchen and slammed it into the recycling bin so hard that it smashed to pieces.

Rae had been in bed when Jesse went to see Steve. They had decided between them that once Eliana had settled for the night, and Rae was comfortable too, he would head over to Bob's rather than leave it any longer, but if he didn't find him there he would leave it until the next day after the court case. Jesse let himself quietly into the house once he arrived back from his confrontation with Steve and was relieved to see that the house was silent. The lights were still twinkling on the Christmas tree, but for Jesse all the festive spirit had deserted him.


	38. 38 Day In Court

**Day In Court**

Rae woke up and knew that she was alone in the bed. She had tried to stay awake until Jesse came home from talking with Steve, but she must have failed. Today was the day that she had been dreading ever since she had talked to Rose Marie in the hospital. Everybody else was certain that she would be back home again, tonight, and part of her wanted to believe that because she had put her life on hold for this day and although she had been happy to be home, she still couldn't believe that it wasn't just for a short time.

Rae took a breath, and as she did so she felt her ribs and then her neck and shut her eyes. Rae had been gradually teaching herself to put her pain into different compartments to the rest of her thoughts and feelings. When she was away from home she found it really hard, but when she was here she could normally do it. Now she concentrated on doing that, and once she felt she could at least face getting out of bed she began to speak. "I'm awake."

There was silence, and Rae felt a stab of fear. "Jesse? Honey, I'm awake."

Jesse heard a voice cutting through his subconscious and he turned towards his wife. The bed disappeared from under him, and Jesse found himself lying on the living room carpet looking up at the ceiling. He slowly got to his feet and listened. There was no noise but he knew he had heard Rae.

"Jesse, where are you?" Rae couldn't keep the anxiety out of her voice, and the relief rushed through her as she heard the door handle turn.

"Rae, I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you last night, I had meant to sleep in the spare room, but I guess I fell asleep a little early. I was in the lounge." Jesse moved across towards his wife and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Did you speak with Steve?"

"Yes." Jesse thought it would be wise not to say anything else.

"And things are different now?"

"Oh yeah." _Well, it's true, they are different, worse is different._ Jesse carefully ran his fingers through Rae's hair, it felt soft and silky and he leant over and kissed her on the top of the head. "I love you, Rae."

"Jesse, if things don't go right today, I swear I didn't do anything wrong, and I love you too."

"Rae, look at me." He carefully placed his finger underneath her chin and Rae raised her eyes so that she could see him. "You will come home, with me, and we will be together for ever. Nothing or nobody is going to separate us, I promise you that." Very tenderly Jesse put his arms round Rae and held her close to him. He could feel her trying to keep her emotions inside, and he began to kiss her hair once again. 

Rae leant into her husband's embrace and gradually she began to get herself under control. She had no intention of letting anybody outside the four walls of her bedroom know exactly how she was feeling, but Jesse was her rock, and her strength and she just needed him so much.

Rae had arranged for a busy morning with her family so that she wouldn't have time to dwell on what was to come. The first thing that they were going to do was to go see Sally. Just after ten the car pulled up outside the ranch style home and very carefully and slowly Rae got out of the car. Jesse had offered to help her, but she wanted to do things herself. Rae hadn't said anything to him, but if everybody was wrong about the afternoon, she knew that her life in jail would be hell, and she wanted to at least be able to move on her own, when she got there.

Sally was standing in the doorway, and when Eliana saw her she began to get very excited. Rae could see the car seat swaying in Jesse's hand as their little girl began to bounce in it, and then she heard the familiar cry of 'mamamadada' as they got closer to the door.

"Jesse, you bring that little mite into the warm, go right on through, I'll be just a minute." Sally moved out onto the front step so that the two of them could get past and then she waited as Rae made her way up the path.

"Sally, you could have gone back in, this is not the December weather I am used to, but it is still a little cold." Rae finally made it to where her friend was standing and then together the two women went inside.

The room where Sally looked after the children she sat for, was bright and airy. It was put aside especially for when the youngsters were there, and not used apart from that, so the walls were painted a soft blue and there were cartoon characters on them. There was a large playpen in the corner, which was full of toys. There were tricycles, and push toys and a large toy box, which Rae knew had things in it for the older children that Sally looked after when school was out. In an alcove off the room there was a computer and a young boy of about eight was sat on that playing a racing car game, he turned and smiled as Sally and Rae joined Jesse and Eliana and then went back to what he was doing.

"Sam, you will need to come off that in a little while. Your hour is almost up."

"Ok, Sally, when I finish this race."

Sally smiled and then knelt down next to Eliana's chair. She ran her fingers through the short-cropped hair and her smile faded. "Oh, Sweetheart, I was just so worried for you, I am so glad to be able to see you again."

"Sally, you can take her out of her seat, she won't break." Rae smiled and watched as the clasps were undone and then she saw her daughter being taken into a big hug and Rae realised just how difficult Eliana's abduction had been for her sitter.

"She is all right now isn't she? I was so worried, and I felt so guilty that I couldn't get her back from that woman, but she was too far away and too fast for me."

Rae just looked at her. She hadn't known that Sally had seen it all happen. Jesse realised that Rae was confused and so he moved a little closer to where she was standing.  "Honey, Sally brought Eliana into the hospital because she was poorly, and then she saw her in the parking lot, but Louise Willis was already in the car and she couldn't stop her. Sally, you have no need to feel guilty. And now she is fine. Put her on the floor." Jesse was grinning and he watched as Sally lowered the little girl to the carpet. 

For a few minutes Eliana just sat there, she banged her feet on the ground until her shoes came off, and then she leant forwards and pulled off her socks. Once she had done that, she looked around, as if checking her audience, to make sure everybody was looking, and then she squirmed into the right position and began to crawl across towards the playpen. Sally clapped her hands. "Oh my, that is just wonderful, and just in time for her to take all the decorations off your tree." Sally lifted the child up and put her in with the toys that she had been aiming for. "Now would you like a cup of tea?"

By the time that Jesse and Rae were ready to leave at eleven Eliana was fast asleep in the playpen, with all the toys around her. "You can leave her here and pick her up on your way home from court."

"No, Sally, thank you, but I need her with me, just in case." Rae watched as Sally, with an ease of movement that she envied, leant into the pen and picked up the sleeping child. She carefully put her in the car seat and then did up the clasps. Eliana didn't make a sound, and she remained fast asleep.

"You have done that before, haven't you?"

"Oh yeah. She does that to me a lot. Whenever I am ready to go out she will be asleep. She is a lovely sunny happy child when she is awake, and dead to the world when she isn't, so I very rarely wake her up."

"Sally, thank you, it's been lovely to see you, and after Christmas when I go back to work will you look after her again?" Jesse was now holding the carry seat in his hand and trying not to swing it back and forth.

"Of course, in fact I was going to suggest that maybe I could come to your house, then Rae can look after her, and I can just be there as a little bit of backup. I don't have any other children during school time. That is if you still want me to have her."

"Sally, of course, why wouldn't we? She just loves you so much, and we know she is happy and safe here." Rae looked shocked that Sally could even suggest it.

"Because of what happened at the hospital…"

"Sally, no, it wasn't your fault, it was nobody's fault, and we all have to realise that." Rae smiled at her, and they moved towards the front door together. "She has to have an asthma preventative with her now, just in case. That will be all right won't it?"

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I just wanted to check." Rae began her long journey down towards the car and then watched as Jesse overtook her and began to put the car seat in behind the driver. Sally came down and looked at the sleeping form through the window.

"Thank you for bringing her to see me. I missed her so much."

"We know, and thank you for loving her so much." Rae carefully got into the car and then closed her eyes for a moment as she let herself relax into the seat.

Jesse and Rae arrived back home at half past eleven, and spent a quiet hour together in the living room. Eliana was happily bashing the life out of the musical console in her playpen and Rae snuggled up as close as she could get to her husband, she had once again felt the strength from him going into her, and she knew that whatever life threw at her, and in the last two years its aim had been pretty good, as long as Jesse was with her she would cope with it.  Rae must have nodded off for a second because she felt Jesse running his finger down her cheek, and then he kissed each eyelid, and as she opened her eyes she saw his wonderfully handsome smiling face looking at her.

"I guess we had better get you ready to face the world." Carefully Jesse helped her to her feet and they headed to the master bathroom together. While the water was running Jesse undid all of Rae's braces and then once he had undressed her he helped her into the bath. "What smelly stuff do you want in it today?"

"Is there any mint up there? That is energising, I think I need to be energised." 

It was just after half past twelve when the three of them were ready to head for the courtroom. Rae had to be there for two o'clock but she wanted to get there and have some time to collect herself and her thoughts together.

Jesse pulled up outside the gates to their home and waited for the guard to come over. "Hi, we are out this afternoon, and then we will be home a little later. We are expecting no one, and no one should be let in unless I say so, ok?"

"Yes, Doctor Travis, that is no problem."

By the time that Jesse pulled into the parking lot at the courthouse part of Rae just wanted to turn tail and run, but she knew that she needed closure on this, and it was because of that fact that she was here at all. Rose Marie had explained to her that she could get the case dismissed because of the new evidence that had been accumulated, but it was because Rae had wanted to be seen to be innocent that it was being dismissed in this way.

"Honey, are you ok? You need to get out of the car now." Jesse had the wheelchair next to the passenger door. They had decided between them that Rae would stay in the chair, no walking because it would take too long, it was also much easier if Eliana was, at least for the time being on her mommy's lap in her reins. The courthouse, like most other public buildings was wheelchair friendly and so it didn't take them long to get to the room where Gilbert Sholte was waiting for them.

"Mr. Sholte, you are here early." Rae smiled. Now that she was actually in the building she was surprised to find that she wasn't anywhere near as frightened as she had been.

"I am pleased to see you up and about, Mrs Travis, and your beautiful daughter with you, too. Are you sure that she should be here though?"

Rae kissed the head of her daughter before she spoke. "Maybe not, but I needed her here, just in case."

"Honey, did you want anything to eat? Only we missed lunch, and … well I am starving."

"No, but you go and get yourself something. There is sure to be a deli nearby." Rae chuckled to herself. If there was one thing that Jesse never lost it was his appetite. No matter what situation they were in you could count on him to have his three square meals a day.

By the time Jesse had bought his lunch, pulled off some of the bread to feed to Eliana and then eaten the rest himself, it was time for him to take his daughter and find himself a seat in the public gallery. As Rae found herself without her family around her she had to begin once again to push all her fears down so that she could show the world that Reagan Yeager was innocent, and that whatever had happened to her since she was arrested she wasn't going to be beaten by any of it.

Gilbert pushed Rae into the courtroom and over towards the table where they had sat when Rae had been in this very room for her preliminary hearing. That time Rae's position had seemed very bleak, and if he was honest Mr. Sholte hadn't believed that he could do any better for his client than a long spell in a secure psyche ward, but now in a few minutes she would be walking free and he hoped that her life would become a little easier for her.

Rae looked carefully round as she was wheeled across the room. She could see Texas and Steve sitting together with Michael and Mark. Amanda and Ron were in the two seats next to them, Martin was there, and to Rae's surprise, so was Cheryl. The eight friends were all together behind where Rae would be sitting. Jesse was the other side, behind Rose Marie Moreau, and Rae knew that when she was in position she would just be able to see him.

As Rae came into view in the courtroom her daughter caught sight of her and began to babble. Rae knew that she would have to sit quietly with her daddy when the proceedings started, but she guessed that the odd mamadada would be allowed at the moment.

Jesse leant over and picked up the soggy giraffe from the diaper bag. He remembered how pink, soft and cute it had been when he bought it, now it was no longer pink, and definitely not cute. It was still soft and obviously very well loved, and Eliana was instantly silenced, as one of the ears became her target.

At exactly two o'clock Judge Friars came into the room, and everybody stood up. Rae was determined to stand with everyone else, and she was equally sure that she was going to show as little pain in her features as possible. She felt Gilbert place his arm around her, and slowly, and she had to admit painfully, Rae rose to her feet.

By the time Rae was completely upright the bailiff said, "be seated" and she had to do the whole thing in reverse. Rae had her arm and neck braces on but not the one on her knee, and so she was able to sit right under the table. But because of the collar she couldn't actually see what was going on around her. 

Once again Rae's name was called, and so she let Gilbert help her up for the second time. The charges were read out and when Rae was asked how she pleaded, in a voice that was clear and strong she replied, "Not Guilty, Your Honour." Rae was extremely grateful for the arm behind her as she sat down and then she saw Mr. Sholte stand up.

"Your Honour, in light of recent events and new evidence that has been presented to me, I would request that the charges against Detective Reagan Yeager be dismissed."

Judge Friars looked over towards the assistant District Attorney. "Ms Moreau, would you and Mr. Sholte please approach the bench."

As the two lawyers did as they had been requested, Rae could see Jesse and Eliana quite clearly. The soggy giraffe was keeping her daughter quiet. Rae smiled to herself. Ever since the day Jesse had bought the toy it had been called that. In fact for as long as Rae had been aware it had also been soggy. Jesse had Eliana with her back to her mom so that she wouldn't begin to babble, and Rae could see her short hacked hair. They had taken her to where Rae got her hair cut, and it had been gently neatened up, but more than anything else her little girl's hair made her eyes fill with tears. She just wanted it to grow back into its curls as quickly as possible.

Rae suddenly realised that she was letting her mind wander and she averted her gaze from her family and watched the backs of Mr. Sholte and Ms Moreau instead. The Judge was deep in conversation with both of them, and Rae could see Gilbert shaking his head. The fear came up inside her again, and this time she wasn't able to push it away. She felt as if her eyes should be able to bore holes in the back of her lawyer, but she couldn't pull her gaze away.

As Rae watched the two lawyers returned to their respective tables, and Gilbert leant over. "The Judge wants to hear the evidence, so this isn't going to finish as quickly as we thought. Rose Marie is going to call Detective Banks."

Rae's heart sank. She had hoped that she would be on her way home very soon, and she had also hoped that Cheryl was here as a friend not a cop. As Rae sat there she heard the proceedings start up again and saw Cheryl take the stand.

"Please state your name for the record." Rose Marie's voice was businesslike and firm, but her accent put a slightly different slant on things.

"Detective Cheryl Banks, LAPD."

First of all the prosecution went through the evidence that had been given at the preliminary hearing and then after just over an hour Rae heard a different type of question. 

"When Doctor Martin was attacked at Community General was the weapon the same as in any of the other attacks?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Cheryl sat up a little straighter, maybe now she could get her friend out of the nightmare that she was in because of her. "The knife was the one used to murder Helen Baxter and Cameron Posner, and to stab Doctor Mark Sloan."

"I see, and that has been determined positively now has it?"

"Yes, the forensic team at the LAPD labs, as well as Doctor Amanda Bentley at Community General Hospital have both confirmed that."

"And do you know who this knife belonged to?"

Cheryl looked a little anxious for a moment, but knew she had to answer the question. "Yes, it belonged to the defendant, Detective Yeager, and her husband, Doctor Travis."

"But you are not convinced any longer of Detective Yeager's guilt, are you Detective?"

"No, we have gathered other compelling evidence to show that there was a third party involved in this, and that it was she alone who carried out these attacks." Cheryl's anxiety had receded again now.

"I see, but the evidence against Detective Yeager was also compelling, and she was seen at all the murder sites."

"It was arranged that way. Detective Yeager was set up by the murderer, Louise Willis, and then she was attacked by her and her child was abducted." Cheryl recited the things that had happened. If she thought about them for any longer than the time it took her to say them the guilt began to eat away at her.

"Can Ms Willis be placed at all the murder scenes?" Rose Marie was determined to get everything out into the open.

"Yes, she worked at Community General where Lee Tennant, Helen Baxter and Cameron Posner were killed, and she was in possession of Detective Yeager's smart card which gave her access to the Travis home. We believe, although we will never be able to prove it conclusively, that whilst Ms Walters was speaking with Detective Yeager in the front of her home, Ms Willis was inside and it was then that she took the knife and the earring."

"I see. And Doctor Sloan, do you have any witnesses that place Ms Willis at the scene of that crime?"

"No, Ma'am, but we do have Doctor Sloan's testimony that it wasn't Detective Yeager who attacked him."

"What witnesses do you have to the attacks on Doctor Martin and Detective Yeager herself?"

"Both of them thankfully survived, and they have positively identified the woman as the attacker, and Detective Yeager has also said that Ms Willis told her that she had committed the murders whilst she was in the room with her."

"I see. What happened to Ms Willis, Detective?"

"Louise Willis abducted Eliana Jessica Travis from Detective Yeager's hospital room. She fled Los Angeles and was finally apprehended in Fresno. Unfortunately she made a bid for freedom and was killed in the attempt."

"And the child?" Rose Marie's question came across with just the right amount of concern.

"She is sitting on her father's lap." All heads turned towards Jesse then and he instinctively protected his daughter from the eyes of those around him. Being squashed did not impress Eliana and she began to cry. Jesse had to release his hold on her a little so that he could comfort her and he felt distinctly uncomfortable as he realised that every eye in the room was on his daughter.

Rose Marie had turned herself for a moment and she smiled at the little girl. "Thank you, Detective, I have no further questions." 

Rae watched as Cheryl left the stand, and she realised, rather belatedly, that a lot of the evidence just given could, she thought, be classed as hearsay. Rae wasn't sure, but she had a feeling that both Gilbert and Ms Moreau were trying to speed things up a little by not calling separate witnesses and she was very grateful for that as it would mean that Mark wouldn't have to give evidence.

Gilbert stood up and faced the Judge. "Your Honour, in light of Detective Banks evidence surely now we can have the charges against my client dismissed."

"Mr. Sholte, that is for me to decide. Do you have any questions for Detective Banks?"

"No, Your Honour."

"Well then, please would you approach the bench once more?"

Rae could hear the sigh that emanated from her lawyer as he moved again to the front of the courtroom. This time Rae didn't allow herself the luxury of looking at her daughter, and she kept her eyes on the Judge instead. The discussion didn't take as long this time, and then Gilbert with a shake of his head came back towards her.

"The Judge wants you to give evidence, Rae, are you prepared to do that?"

"What sort of evidence?"

Gilbert smiled. "Evidence that can clear you. I think it would be wise for you to do this."

"Ok, but someone is gonna have to help me to that chair, and holding the Bible in my right hand is going to be a worry."

Gilbert smiled, "The clerk will hold it, you just place your hand on it, ok?"

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a bit out of the loop. You would expect me to know that wouldn't you?" Since she had arrived in LA Rae had been in court swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, more than once at the conclusion of various cases she had investigated.

"Don't worry, now just relax and you will be fine." Gilbert stood up and began to speak. "I call Detective Yeager to the stand." There was a gasp that ran round the room, and then it descended into hushed silence as Rae was pushed across the room. Once they got to the witness stand, Mr. Sholte very carefully and gently helped Rae out of her chair, and then made sure that she was securely and safely seated before he returned to his own seat.

The bailiff came across. "Please take the Bible in your right hand and repeat after me…"

Rae looked at the man and then very slowly lifted her hand until the Bible would fit underneath it.

Jesse had put Eliana back in her stroller, and now he looked across at his friends on the other side of the courtroom as he heard Rae reciting the oath. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen and suddenly he wondered whether Rae was the only one who had appreciated that this situation was still deadly serious. Jesse realised that Rae had finished speaking and he turned his attention back to her.

Mr. Sholte stood up and moved closer to his client. "Detective Yeager, can you tell me how you got your injuries?"

"I was attacked in jail."

"I see, and where were you treated for these injuries?"

"At Community General Hospital."

"And while you were there, you were attacked again, yes?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was attacked by Louise Willis, and then she stabbed Alex, sorry Doctor Martin, and … and she took my baby."

"I know that this is very traumatic for you, but did Ms Willis tell you why she was doing this?"

"Yes." Rae shut her eyes for a moment, and she could see the woman standing in front of her, the knife up to her throat. Rae hadn't been able to bring herself to look to see if she had a scar, even though the stitches had been taken out a few days before.

"Detective Yeager, I need you to tell the court what happened."

Rae just blinked. She couldn't nod, and so she did the next best thing. Then slowly she began to talk. 

"I was in the hospital, and I had just had my bed raised. A nurse came into my room, I guess, I didn't see her enter, my guard had gone, and she put a knife to my throat." Rae stopped talking. She could see the woman in front of her and feel the knife against her skin. "I didn't know who she was and that made her angry. I tried to move and she just got madder."

"Did you remember who she was?"

"Yes, she had been a nurse on duty looking after an injured prisoner when I had been in the hospital another time."

"Detective Yeager, who was the prisoner? It will be much easier on you if you just tell me what happened. As a police officer, you are used to giving evidence, please continue."

"Yes, Sir, I'm sorry. Louise Willis looked a little like me. The man in the hospital, his name was … Phillip Levington, had stalked me and then attacked my husband, Doctor Travis. I guess Levington was attracted to her because of the way she looked, and she was attracted to him. She blamed me for getting him killed, and said that I had ruined her life. She said that she had killed everybody that I was nice to and that she was going to destroy my life, just as I had destroyed hers."

"And did she say anything else?"

"Yes, she said that she had taken my smart card and got into my home that way, that she took the knife…" Rae went pale as she remembered the knife being drawn across her throat. "Sorry, and she took the earring as well. Then she told me that she had killed Helen, and Mr. Posner and Mr. Tennant."

"And the attack on Doctor Sloan and Miss Walters, what about them?"

"She admitted those too. She cut my throat, she kept talking to me, and I could answer, I don't think she planned to hurt me enough that I couldn't see Jesse die."

"What happened after she admitted the killings?"

This time Rae couldn't answer straight away. The memories were so painful, and, she realised that they were still very fresh in her mind.

"Detective Yeager, are you all right, would you like to stop for a break?"

It was the Judge who asked the question, and Rae tried to turn to look at her. Once Rae had moved her head a little way she shook it. The movement was extremely painful, but she couldn't trust herself to speak.

"Maybe a drink of water?" Judge Friars was very worried about the young woman in front of her, the story she had related so far had been horrific, and she knew that it was about to get much worse, but it had been the Detective who had wanted to be cleared under the watchful eyes of the world, and she could think of no other way than getting her to give evidence herself.

"Thank you, that would help." Rae's voice came out weakly and she turned back to face her lawyer. A bailiff put the glass down on the front of the stand and Rae looked at Gilbert. "I don't think I can pick that up, I might drop it."

Jesse watched as his wife had to sit and face the humiliation of being helped to drink in front of all the spectators in the room. He felt so for her, and wanted to just take her home and lock all their doors against the prying eyes of the world, but he knew that he couldn't even speak let alone move towards her, and so he sat in silence and suffered for her.

Once Rae had indicated that she had drunk enough the bailiff came and removed the glass. Then Gilbert began to speak once again. "I need you to tell me what happened after Louise Willis admitted the killings."

"Yes, Sir. She was going to buzz and get Jesse to come and see me, I don't know how, but then I heard Alex's voice, and he called out that I had a visitor… When he came in the room she took the knife away from my throat and she began to speak to him, something about going out with another girl and then … oh, God, then she stabbed him, in the chest, and …and she took my baby…" This time there was no way that Rae could continue. Her body shook with sobs and the tears poured down her face. All her good intentions of keeping her feelings in disappeared and she leant forwards onto the top of the gate in front of her and cried and cried.

Judge Friars called a twenty-minute recess and requested Rae's presence with her lawyer and the assistant District Attorney in her chambers. Mr Sholte carefully moved Rae into the chair and wheeled her away from the gaze of the people around her, but he knew that she was so lost in her emotions that she was almost totally unaware of him and his actions.

Rae was unable to stop crying for quite a few minutes once she was in the privacy of the judge's chambers, and Judge Friars looked over towards her lawyer. "Mr. Sholte, do you know if Detective Yeager's doctor is in court?"

"No, Your Honour, her physician is Doctor Martin, he is still in the hospital recovering from his attack. Her husband is out there, he is a doctor."

"I see. Bailiff." The judge didn't raise her voice, but instantly a court bailiff was at her side. 

Jesse was sitting bouncing his daughter up and down; he had taken her back out of the stroller to try to stop himself worrying about his wife. He wasn't succeeding, and he was just about to get up and move over to speak to Amanda when he saw a court official coming towards him. "Excuse me Doctor Travis, but Judge Friars would like to speak with you in chambers." The bailiff put his arms out for Eliana, but Jesse shook his head. 

"No, that's ok." He turned and without a word handed his little girl to Amanda, and then followed the man through into the parts of the courthouse normally closed to him.

Judge Friars stood as he entered and extended her hand. "Doctor Travis, I need your professional opinion on whether your wife is fit to continue to give evidence."

Rae looked up as she heard her husband's name. "Jess? Oh, Jesse, she took our little girl and nearly killed Alex, and it is all my fault I am so sorry." The tears began again, and Jesse was tempted to say that she was unfit and just sedate her there and then, but he knew that he had to live with her, and so it wasn't really an option.

"Honey, listen to me. Rae, it isn't your fault, she killed three people, and had her eye on at least another two. You can't fight someone like that. Now look at me, slowly, can you lift your head?"

"Mm, I think so." Rae looked into her husband's eyes, and saw the love and concern there, and she knew that she had to go back and close this chapter of their lives.

"Do you want to go and finish your testimony?"

"Yes, I do, and I am sorry that we had to stop because of me. Your Honour, I apologise."

"Detective Yeager, that is fine, now, Doctor Travis, if you would return to your seat."

Jesse went back out into the courtroom, picked up his daughter and sat down. Nobody spoke to him, and he spoke to nobody. He could see that his little girl was getting tired, and so he took a bottle of formula from the diaper bag and gave it to her. Eliana began to suck on it and while he waited for Rae to re-appear he watched the deep brown eyes slowly close.

Rae sat back in the witness box and looked straight ahead. She knew that her eyes were red and puffy, but she had nothing to hide, and she intended that everybody should know that.

"Detective Yeager, I realise that this is very distressing for you, but I need to carry on with my questioning. I have however, almost finished." Mr. Sholte placed his hand on the witness box and Rae knew that he was offering her some comfort. "Louise Willis took your daughter, do you know what happened after that?"

"Yes, Sir. When she had punched me, she had caused my cracked ribs to break, and one of them punctured a lung.  My husband had to operate on me there in the hospital room otherwise I would have died. I spoke to Lieutenant Sloan, but I don't remember anything after that, I'm sorry."

"No, that's fine. I have no further questions Your Honour." Gilbert moved away towards his table, and Rose Marie stood up.

"I have no questions, Your Honour, and I also move that this case be dismissed."

Judge Friars looked over to where Rae was sitting. Until someone helped her she was unable to leave the witness box. "In light of the evidence that I have heard from both Detective Banks and Detective Yeager, I am inclined to agree with you. Case Dismissed." The gavel came down, and the sound of its banging reverberated round the room.

Gilbert helped Rae back into her chair, and he saw tears in her eyes once again, but he knew that this time they were tears of relief, and they weren't going to overwhelm her.

He pushed the chair over towards the gates to the public gallery and then Rae saw Jesse standing waiting for her, their sleeping child in his arms. Gently he laid her across Rae's lap, and with the aid of Alex's brace she was able to cradle her in her left arm. Rae smiled and she placed a kiss on Jesse's lips.  Then she turned and saw Steve and Texas, and felt them both kiss her. 

Gradually the people around her began to melt away, and Rae saw Cheryl watching her from the back of the room. She smiled at her colleague, and then saw Martin coming towards her. "Rae, congratulations."

"Thank you, Martin, I know you never stopped believing in me, and I can't tell you how much that means to me."

Rae looked at her friends and knew that however her life had changed because of what had happened to her, these people would always be there for her. It was a good feeling but right now she just wanted to be able to put everything behind her and spend some time with the family she thought she had lost. Rae smiled down at her daughter still asleep through all the chaos around her, and then she said, "Take me home, Jesse, please take me home."

**The End … for now.**

Well, this was a long story, the longest I have ever written. Thank you all for sticking with me to the end. 

Once again I had the two best beta readers friendship can buy helping me with the bits I got stuck on, the legal process of America being the main one. Ladies thank you, I am glad you will be around for the next one.

I hope that those of you who have read and enjoyed my stories so far will bear with me until the next one is written. I start the second year of my university course in February, and that; work and family sometimes get in the way of my writing. There will be more from Rae and Jo though, I promise you that.

Tracy


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